Fan Fiction ❯ Low ❯ The Stars Outside the Box ( Prologue )

What's this life for? The first time I heard that song, its hopeful connotations lost forever to me as I listened to that sad line sung over and over, I immediately recognized the question I have asked many times for which no one has an answer. From an extremely early age even until this very instant, I have contemplated my life's purpose, but the more I grew, it seemed to me that everyone had a purpose to fulfill but me. Or rather my purpose for existing was to be the bane to someone else's existence. I had no other answer.

I see my four-year-old self staring out a window to the heavens, looking for some inexplicable sign that I had convinced myself would come; that I just needed to be patient for its arrival. I hadn't yet grasped the concept of reality, but ah, yes, it was coming to me; just slowly.

I reflect on my many memories, and I ask myself, "Was I ever happy?" I think about it, and no, I cannot remember a point of happiness before this unyielding sadness gripped my heart and never let go. Of course, I've smiled and laughed, but those moments are few and fleeting. Within this bipolar shell that I am housed, I have come to expect manic periods, and truly, they may be the only times when I can let go and be free of this anathema.

Have you ever felt that you were waiting, just living through all the pain and bullshit until that one day in life that everything would fall into place, and everything would be fine? I live, I breathe…only waiting for those few precious days when nothing can take the grin from my face, and I barely touch the meaning of true joy.

Sometimes…sometimes, I wish there was more than this.

Something original I'm working on. I'm planning on adding more if anyone wishes to listen to my story. Based on actual experiences, so please don't plagiarize. Thanks for reading as I do appreciate it.