Fan Fiction ❯ Ma belle pêche! ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Xenosaga belongs to Namco and Monolith soft.

A/N: All hail Takahashi Tetsuya: the creator, writer and director of Xenogears and Xenosaga series. The idea came from an article with same title in zenosaga.com

Ma belle pêche!

Sometime around March 2002, it was evening at Takahashi Tetsuya's place. The phone suddenly rings, and he picks it up.

Takahashi: "Moshi-moshi?"

Operator: "You have a collect call from USA, sir."

Takahashi: "Well, who could it be?"

Someone: "Mr. Tatsuya? Good morning! I know it's nighttime there, but we'll talk about that later!"

Takahashi: "It's Takahashi. Who are you?"

Someone: "Oh, so sorry sir! I'm Smith from Namco USA! We're currently doing very good translation on Xenosaga Episode 1, and it's going very smooth with the voice actors! Now, Mr. Takeshi, have you received a package from us?"

Takahashi: "It's Takahashi. The one labeled important, right?" (Takahashi looms over a medium-size rummaged package, and the sender is Namco USA.)

Smith: "Yes, sir! It's a video. Would you watch it, Tatsuya-san?"

Takahashi: "It's Takahashi Tetsu-… never mind. Of course. Well, I'll call you after I finish watching it. Goodbye th-"

Smith: "Wait, sir! You have to watch it while we discuss some important matters about the contents of the video!"

Takahashi: "Are you sending me another hentai video?"

Smith: "Good gracious, that's funny, coming from you, Takeshi-san! Hah-hah-hah!"

Takahashi: "…"

Smith: "Hello? Takeshi-san? Are you still there?"

Takahashi: "Yes, yea, I'm pressing the play button right now."

Takahashi inserted the video into the VCR. It shows the Albedo and MOMO scene inside the song of Nephilim.

Takahashi: 'Why are you sending me this stuff? Didn't you just say the translation is going very smoothly?"

Smith: "Well, sir, if you take a good look, we dare to say that there's been a …err… slight and minor adjustment in the cg movies."

Takahashi is staring at the TV screen showing the new and altered Albedo & MOMO scene, now with English dub and subtitle.

Albedosits in a seat holding the corpse of a 100-Series Realian.

MOMO: 'You did this...didn't you!?'

Albedo: 'Ah, my beautiful little Kirschwasser... But still... Can you really call this a corpse?'

Albedolets go of the corpse's arm and it made a cracking noise, scaring MOMO.

Takahashi: "What the…? (He quickly press the pause button) In this scene, Albedo supposed to break the Kirschwasser's arm he's holding and laughs as MOMO flinches."

Smith: "Ahem.. Well this is what I've been trying to say for the last five minutes. You see, we don't want some 13 year old kid try to break his little sister's arm after he plays this game."

Takahashi: "but you still show her broken arm! And the bone crushing sound is still heard! What difference does it make?"

Smith: "Err… no direct and graphicviolence was shown of course!"

Takahashi: "OK… next is.." (he press the play button)

(Play)

Albedo: 'Frailty, thy name is woman... No, that's not right. You little Realians weren't even born from a woman's womb.'

Albedodrops the corpse and then placed his left hand on MOMO's head.

(Pause)

Takahashi: "Wait…wait… How come you didn't show Albedo throwing the Kirshwasser corpse, but the only thing I hear is the 'thud'?"

Smith: (trying to sound as cheerful as possible) "…But we do hear the thud that is indicative of it, right?"

Takahashi: "And where's the knife?"

Smith: (acts dumb) "What knife, Takeshi-san?"

(Play)

Albedo: The human race, fearful in its weakness, built this world in a futile attempt to elude the abyss they call mortality. Culture...civilization...all delusions created by a powerless race, and of little use, like a barren woman. But amidst all this, you continue to exist as an unfettered soul, free from the shackles of flesh and blood... A completely pure consciousness... An eternal spiral, undefiled by impurities... a fusion of fire, breath, and spirit... What can we call you...but angels? New, unadulterated psyches... But what you lack is reality. And that is what I shall provide you with...!

Albedorips off his left arm and drops it. And then stepping forward towards MOMO, Albedo frightens MOMO with his ripped left arm and then...

Albedo: Boo!

Albedo'sleft arm magically appeared.

(Pause)

Takahashi: "I think I clearly heard you said 'no direct and graphic violence was shown'. I don't know about you, but I think ripping off your own arm is more sadistical violence than cutting your arm with a knife."

Smith: "Ahem! The problem is… those are very graphic depictions of violence including self-mutilation. Not everybody have the strength and guts to rip their own arm, Takizawa-san."

Takahashi: "What makes you think that they won't try a knife to do it?"

Smith: "…Pure prediction?"

(Play)

Albedorips his head off by unscrewing it and throws it to the floor.

(Pause)

Takahashi: "…And I also think that screwing off your head is showing more graphic violence than cutting your own head with a knife."

Smith: "One more time Takeshi-san, have you ever met someone who has enough muscle and nerve to screw off their own head? None, right? That's the point! If we make it look impossible, the gamers who watch it won't try imitating it!"

Takahashi: "Did you ever meet anyone who has enough muscle and nerve to slice off their head with a knife?"

Smith: "Hahaha! That's funny, coming from you! Please continue, Takeshi-san!"

(Play)

Albedo'sheadless body is still alive and talking on the floor.

Albedo: 'Ah, ma belle peche...there's no need to tremble like that. Else you'll make me feel like a péchemyself...'

(Pause)

Takahashi: "And what about showing Albedo's head directly like that? Because I don't want more violence, in the Japanese version the head wasn't shown, it's placed in an obvious black censor block disguised as a background shadow!"

Smith: "Well, in our opinion this is okay, since we didn't show were his neck was cut. The gamers might be wondering where is the head, don't you think?"

(Play)

Albedo: 'They're earlier than I expected.'

He placed MOMO on the ground.

Albedo: 'I think I'll have a look around...for that key that sleeps inside you.'

Albedo'shand hovers over MOMO's face and emits a pinkish form of energy waves, withdrawing consciousness from MOMO.

MOMO: 'Nooo...stop it... Get out...out of...my body...'

(Pause)

Takahashi: "Mr. Smith?"

Smith: "Yes, Mr. Tatsuki?"

Takahashi: "What am I seeing here?"

Smith: "We know in this scene Albedo's hand supposed to liquefy before he plunges it into MOMO's abdomen. While he does his searching inside of MOMO, he also projects this---err… ominous sexually gratified facial expression. "

Takahashi: "It's orgasmicallygratified facial expression! What happened to it?"

Smith: (very patiently) "Look, Takashi-san, our country has been facing with a lot of pedophile criminality even before 'zenogias' is made. We just don't need more of those cases after this is on sale at North America. I know Japanese society is more mature than us. We're also afraid that those more sensitive and female gamers will think of it as 'rape'. It's sad really that we as adults must face the oppression of censorship in a country founded on "freedom". You know, once I watch this imported video from Japan, it shows this really really cute girl, and kinda flat chested, but still very cute and adorable, and she looks like 18 or 19. But then my friend told me that girl is only 13. I know how you feel, Japanese people matures quite fast, and so is the adults, their sexual orientation are-"

Takahashi: "…"

Smith: "Hello? Tatsuya-san? You still there?"

Takahashi: "…"

Smith: Hello?? Helloo? Hellooo? Takahashi-san?"

Takahashi: "Do you still wanna talk about the video you sent me or the video your friend show you?"

Smith: "hahahaha! Of course! Carry on, shall we?"

(Play)

Albedo: 'Rubedo... You still don't remember? Or could it be...fear... You're frightened, is that it? Am I right? I can't blame you. The only thing that matters to you is yourself. Rubedo...so cruel... And yet this girl clings to you so dearly. Isn't it pitiful?'

MOMO'sbracelet suddenly dropped to the floor.

Albedo: (Albedo'shand is hovering over MOMO's face - withdrawing her consciousness.) 'One more layer. Just one more layer, and then I'll have everything inside of her. I'm sure you know what that means, Rubedo. Now then, I wonder how much more she can take?'

MOMO is screaming and panicking in fear as she is being 'absorbed' by Albedo, Albedo's face is clipped (they didn't show his eyes), and he's smiling.

(Pause)

Takahashi: "He should have inserted his arm deeper, not absorb her with some sort of energy waves. And Albedo'sfacial expression was 'cut'."

Smith: "really, do I have to tell you? We can't show that ominous sexually gratified facial expres-"

Takahashi: "Three movies. Is that all you censored?"

Smith: "Ohh, Mr. Takeshi, don't say 'censored', we'd prefer the word 'altered' for the sake of rating. If we didn't do a change on those CG movies, then you'll ask us for a mature rated game. Mature rated games, as rated by the ESRB, require that there be proper Identification of the individual that is purchasing the game. If parents and store-clerks did their respective jobs then we wouldn't have much of a problem with this route. As it stands at the moment Xenosaga is rated "T" for Teen and contains Blood, Gore, and Violence."

Takahashi: "So if the "T" rating is strong enough for the other gore in the game why can't it cover the unedited version of Xenosaga?"

Smith: "The graphic violence is against a child-like figure. MOMO, sans the fact that she's not a human, still looks like a little girl. We Americans have a strange since of what is and what is not considered obscene. This could lead to major sales reduce. Remember, no sales means there won't be any future episodes. Don't even think about episode 6, we even won't have enough budgets for episode 2!"

Takahashi: "…"

Smith: "So, do you wish to object? Don't worry, we took extra care with the translation." (A/N: And that has been part of the reason for its delay in the US market.) We're not some huge-money grubber company who translate Cherubina into Kelvena, force you to publish a rushed and incomplete project and censored almost 90% of the ending."

Takahashi: "The fans won't like this."

Smith: "hahahahahaha! Please, don't worry about the fans. If Video Games Company listens to whatever the fans want, Squaresoft will probably making ff7-2 just for the purpose of reviving Aeris! We already have enough trouble with the royalty, one of these days Squaresoft might accused you for stealing Xenogears' plot and story!"

Takahashi: "Then what do you want me to do?"

Smith: "Easy. Tell the press they're not directly linked together, Xenosaga isn't a prequel to Xenogears, and so on."

Takahashi: "This and that are gonna be a long and hot debated issue, you know? By the way, I'm not paying for the collect call-"

Smith: "I know it's already night time there, so good night Takahashi Tetsuya-san, sorry for bothering your time, and I hope you have a nice dream. Sayonara!"

Takahashi: "Wa-wait a min-"

(beep-beep-beep)

Takahashi: "Ahh, crap!"

THE END