Fan Fiction ❯ My Life ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Hi, I don't own the characters I use, I just use and return. Although, if anyone knows of a store that sells Draco, I'll put it on my shopping list.

Pairings: none

Warnings: AU, Angst, really sad and dark, Suicide

Notes: Do not read if you don't want to know the inner workings of poor Harry's mind from my perspective. For that is the whole fic in summary.

I wake up every morning and the first thing that goes through my mind is that I'm still alive. That may seem strange to you, but for me it's an automatic thing. Wake up, check if you're alive, and then brush your teeth.

Yes, everyone thinks I live this perfect fucking life, when my room is full of broken toys and I'm treated like shit. Sometimes I think dying would be better than life. At least there no one would be hassling me to be a savior of the wizarding world, I wouldn't have evil relatives who would kill me if they could, and I would be back with Sirius.

Sirius died two months ago today. He's gone. I'll never see him again, and I barely knew him for two years. Two fucking years! If someone told me when I first got the letter that my life would get even worse than it already was, I would have burned the letter myself. Rather that than everyone and their house-elf begging me to save them when I can barely remember the Potions assignment. I'm only sixteen Goddammit! I shouldn't have to deal with this shit.

No one knows what it's like, to be revered by almost everyone in the wizarding world when you only saved the world by accident, and before you even reached puberty. I've been doing this shit since I was eleven fucking years old, for Merlin's sake! And then to go home and have all of that reverence traded in for hatred by the three people who should have been the ones to love you for yourself.

But no, they hate me because I'm different. I am no different than perfect Dudley-Duddykins. He's a bullying git with severe weight problems. The whale weighs 300 fucking pounds! And they try and say I'm abnormal! This is what I don't understand. I was revered because of a dumbass prophecy that no one knew about but four people. I was revered because my mother protected me with her life. She died for me. Do you know how much it hurts, knowing that you were deprived of your family for all eternity?

I doubt it. No one does. Especially not Ron. His dad's all better now, and his mother's hale and hearty, and he's got four brothers, a sister, and a non-brother. He'd never feel alone. Not like this. I have no family. Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley are just a group of people who kept me imprisoned in my childhood.

And Hermione will never know how I feel. Even if her parents died today, she'd have the memories and feelings. They'd still be there, in her heart. I don't even have that. I was too young to remember my parents' death, and I have absolutely no memories of them. All I have is a picture book. Of a time I can't remember, a time I'll probably never forget.

I can't take this anymore. The silence is bearing down on me like a blanket, driving me mad. Every time I close my eyes, I see my mother and father, in that graveyard, followed by Sirius falling through the veil. Now how's that for a disturbing sight? Do I have reason to go insane then? Do I?

But there is one easy way to stop this. The pain, the non-memories, the real memories. It's hidden here, in this knife. The knife that is resting in my hand, waiting for me to give in to the temptation, and make that first cut. Only a few strokes of that knife, and I'll be free. Free of pain, misery, sadness.

Goodbye.. . Forever.

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So how's that for my first oneshot on MM? Review please...