Fan Fiction ❯ Never Ever in a Million Years ❯ He's Sure Merciless With a Garden Hose... ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Chrono Trigger, all rights belong to Squaresoft. I am not doing this for profit and am not gaining a cent.

The misty haze rising from the steamy water eddied and whirled around the hot tub, making it hard for Lucca to see the shadowy figure at the other end. She peered through the mist, trying to fathom the expression on his face, waiting eagerly for him to make his move.

"Oh, Crono, why are you making me wait?" she asked him plaintively, idly popping a bubble with one finger. "You know the water's going to get cold."

"Oh...is there a problem?" Suddenly he moved forward and into her view. Mmm, he looked even better than usual. His normally spiky hair lay flat and slicked down, wet from the water in the bath mingled with his sweat. His face, mottled and red from the heat, was curved upwards into a seductive grin. Lucca's eyes immediately slid down to that beautiful, well-muscled chest that glistened with moisture, but couldn't see anything below that; the layer of sweetly scented bubbles covering the water did their job well.

"Come here," she barely whispered, beckoning him closer, "Come over here..."

He obeyed immediately, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her passionately with an almost feverish air. Lucca moaned loudly, kissing him back, giving him back every ounce of what she had received. They continued like this for several minutes, getting closer and closer together, until-

"Oh, Crono!" With that last cry Lucca sat up straight in bed, one hand over her chest in an attempt to slow its rapid beat.

Allowing her head to drop back onto her pillow, she slowly turned over onto her side, her legs creating friction with the sweat-soaked covers. It had just been a dream, she admitted to herself with an unhappy sigh. But it had been so real...

Groggily rubbing the sleep from her eyes with one hand, she tried to remember where she was and what was going on. Oh yeah...from the looks of it, she was back home. Oh yes, everything was coming back now, the Epoch, the Quest, Lavos, and- Unfortunately everything, she inwardly groaned as she spotted the blue head poking out of the covers on the floor, still apparently asleep. (Thank God for morning amnesia,) she thought, rubbing the back of her stiff neck. (Otherwise I'd be waking up screaming this morning for sure.)

Deciding that it would just be wrong to be a sitting target for Magus's pithy barbs about bad hair and horribly bad breath later on, Lucca decided to get up and see what was going on outside her room. Going by the sounds of it, SOMETHING was happening out there. She walked downstairs and into the living room, only to be greeted by a highly unusual sight. Her father was struggling with an extremely loud, ugly tie and her mother was seated on the sofa hastily packing clothes. But...where were they going?

"Oh, Lucca!" exclaimed Taban, suddenly noticing her standing in the doorway. "We were almost ready to get you up!"

Lucca, thanking the Lord he hadn't, allowed Taban to usher her into the kitchen. Slamming the door behind them, he told her in a serious voice, "Listen, Lucca, your grandmother's taken a turn for the worse, and-"

"You mean...Nana?" That was Lara's mother who lived in Porre.

"Yes, that Nana. Your mother and I have to go. This really might be the last time, so we must-"

"Um, Dad, I- I don't have to go...do I?" It sounded cold-hearted, being said out loud, but Lucca could really feel no attachment for a woman she had seen all of twice. And then there was the whole debacle with the Epoch...

"No, Lucca, you don't. I don't think this is exactly an event for young people. Just watch the house while we're gone."

Lucca let out a sigh of relief. If it was between not fixing the Epoch (as well as having to see Nana) or being stuck in an empty house with Magus for a few days...well, she'd have to go with Magus on this one. "But marginally," she tried to convince herself under her breath.

"I know you still have that mess with the Telepod to deal with, so I'll give you this," Taban continued on, giving her one of the house keys. "Just don't tell your mother I gave it to you. If you have to leave, then make sure you lock up. Oh...and I'm sorry I couldn't help you with whatever you're repairing. Why don't you get your boyfriend to help you? He looked like a strong young fellow. But no fooling around while we're gone! I don't relish the idea of having grandchildren at such an early age."

"Well, you don't have to worry about THAT," Lucca muttered, blushing slightly at even the thought, as she left the kitchen to go see her parents off. To tell the truth, she absolutely NO idea how she was going to survive the next few days without being brought out in a straitjacket. Even if he was extremely yummy and had the intelligence to back it up, Magus's abundant upishness had the ability to drive even the sanest person up a wall.

Five minutes later, Lucca re-entered the kitchen only to find the offending person sitting at the table sipping coffee. How dare he! He was giving off distinct go-away vibes, but Lucca decided to give him a piece of her mind anyway.

"You complete and utter IDIOT! My PARENTS could have seen you! What a fine time I could have had trying to convince them that I'm not DOING anything with you!"

"That's none of my concern, now is it, four-eyes? Now I suggest clearing off before I really get mad. You just don't realize exactly WHO you are talking to, do you, geek? I should be getting the respect I deserve. I was the one who defeated Cyrus-"

"Oh, cut the jabber! Who could possibly respect YOU?! Your ego's bigger than YOU are! And as for getting mad, go ahead and GET mad! Dark Bomb me, cut me in two with your big rusty farm implement, hell, even waste your energy and make a Black Hole! You'll just be stuck here for a long, long time, that's all!"

Scrambling out of his chair and practically knocking it over in the process, Magus started towards her, fangs bared, but after about halfway he just...stopped. That still didn't mean he wasn't mad, however. Hands shaking uncontrollably and face slowly turning an interesting shade of mottled purple, he was just too angry for words. "You- YOU!"

Lucca, although wondering why he just wouldn't come and corner her as usual, smiled at him. She most definitely had the upper hand. "Oh, shut up, Magus. And for crying out loud, get some pants on. You're helping me with the Epoch today, and-"

Ah, now he had his voice back. "I am most certainly NOT, four-eyes! Such servant's work is BENEATH me!"

"Oh, all right then," said Lucca, smiling and shrugging, initiating her backup plan. "I guess it's for the best. I kinda wanted to invite my friends over and show off my new boyfriend anyway. After all, my parents know about him, so why not my friends?"

"You WOULDN'T!" There was an almost desperate tone in his voice.

"Oh, yes I would."

"I will NOT allow you to invite those idiots over and have you make a fool out of me!"

"Then get dressed and meet me outside."

"Oh, very well," he growled, stomping up the stairs back up to Lucca's room. "But I will not forget this!"

"That's nice!" Lucca called up to him as he slammed the door. She REALLY would have preferred to just let him sit and skulk in the house, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Getting help from Crono and the others would have been an option, but then somebody would probably see Magus. THAT would get Marle talking, and already being the self-proclaimed matchmaker that she was, she would never let it go. Better off not to bother them...

Fifteen minutes later Lucca, forgoing her usual orange getup for just a normal t-shirt and shorts, came out of the house, toolbox in hand. Magus was already there waiting for her, leaning against the Epoch and scowling.

"Oh, looking happy, aren't we? Well come on, the first thing we're doing is removing that wing."

It was a perfect morning to just sit and fix something. The sun shone brightly on the plains, and a slight breeze tickled its way through the air. The only thing missing was a decent helper. Although Magus did as he was told and he certainly was able to lift things that she could not, he grumbled his ass off practically every time he moved. It became grating to the ears after awhile.

Under Lucca's instruction, they removed the wing and proceeded to add the metal plating in a time span of about four hours. After that, the sun became hot and it became increasingly difficult to work, so she decided to call for a break. She ran into the house and came out with a tray of lemonade for the two of them. But when nearing the Epoch she saw something out of the corner of her eye. It was a garden hose. A working garden hose. And Magus was sitting perched on one of the wings. With his back to her. A golden opportunity if she ever saw one.

SSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT! "AAGH!" His first reaction was to shake the water from his sopping wet hair and to glare at her with narrowed eyes. "Well, that wasn't very nice, four-eyes. I guess this means you have to... BE TAUGHT A LESSON!" With that intention in mind he jumped up and began casting water spells on her. Not as good as the garden hose, Lucca thought as they both began to duke it out, but she was still getting wet. Finally he got close enough to wrest the hose from her grasp and give her a taste of her own medicine. Thirty seconds later Lucca found herself huddled under the Epoch, trying desperately to avoid the wrath of the hose. She was cold. She was wet. And she was having the time of her life. She giggled insanely as she stuck her foot outside only to have it immediately sprayed.

The water stopped for a second. "Come along now; I won't spray you," Magus called from outside, practically on the verge of laughing himself. For some unknown reason, he seemed to be rather enjoying the whole thing.

"Oh, and why should I believe YOU?!"

"You can come out now, four-eyes! Really! I'll stop!"

"No, you won't!"

"Yes I will! I really will! I mean it!"

Slowly, Lucca emerged from underneath the Epoch, only to...GET A FACEFUL OF WATER! "I knew it!" she screeched in indignation, diving back under. "I knew you were lying!"

"Of course I was, four-eyes!"

After getting on her hands and knees, apologizing, and promising that she would never ever get Marle to braid his hair, Magus smirked and finally threw down the hose, helping her up and remarking, "Hmpfh, look at yourself. Even uglier than before, if at all possible."

"Well look at YOU, handsome! YOU look like you drowned in the river!" He truly did. Lucca had done her work well before the garden hose had left her ownership.

"And whose fault was that?" he retorted, undoing his cloak and taking his shirt off, much to Lucca's secret delight. His shirtless self looked even better wet than it did dry. Kind of like Crono's in that dream...except ten times better. Trying not to stare, she averted her eyes and went for the lemonade tray that was still lying in the grass by the house. Her clothes were currently plastered to her body, and she was feeling a little more than self-conscious at the moment.

"So why don't you try laughing a little more often?" she asked him, pouring him a glass as they sat together on the ground near the Epoch. "I mean, half the time when you're fighting with us you act like there's a twig rammed up your ass."

She half-expected him to be angered at that comment, but instead he just replied, "I don't know, I never have much reason to laugh, I suppose..." He trailed off, but then thought better of it and added, "I can see where you're going, geek. If it's service with a smile you want, then forget it. I might be helping you, four-eyes, but that doesn't exactly mean I'm happy about it."

"Well, it's better than Marle putting ribbons in your hair, right?"

"All right, I stand corrected. Compared to that, right now I'm ecstatic."

It was around eight by the time the Epoch was completely finished. Lucca was very happy with the way things had turned out, and even more happy that she had seen a lot of Magus's -how to put it cleanly- rear end. Right now she lay on the porch swing on her patio, absolutely exhausted, reading her book. The light was failing and it was getting harder to read, but she wanted to enjoy the outdoors as much as she possibly could.

"Hmpfh, now what kind of rubbish is THAT, four-eyes?"

Lucca jumped about a mile as she realized that Magus was sitting at the other end of the porch swing, staring at the cover of her book. How long he had been there, she had no idea. She turned beet red but tried to ignore him.

Her hopes were in vain. "My my, quite the perverted little geek, aren't we? Let's see now, what's the title... A Love to End All Bounds? What a fitting name, considering there's a half naked man on the cover. You don't ogle men, do you, four-eyes?"

Lucca's eyes flashed. "No, but I know YOU do," she snorted, dropping the book and sitting up to face him. If it was a fight he wanted, he was going to get it. "In fact, I'd better keep this book away from you from now on. I don't want you getting all hot and bothered every time you look at the cover!"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, come on, Maggy. You can't hide it FOREVER. Just look at you. You are the true epitome of gayness, the shining example of which all gay men look up to-"

"SHUT UP! I AM NOT GAY!" He was so angry that spittle flew out of his mouth. Another Kodak moment.

"Oh yeah, sure you're not! Admit it: you're gayer than a French Horn. After all, wasn't it you that said you would rather have Ozzie instead of me? Ozzie is male AND he's outside of your species!"

"Well, ANYONE would have Ozzie rather than you, you pasty-skinned, four-eyed little weakling!"

"Oooh, and what about everyone else, too?! I bet you, Ozzie, Slash, and Flea had your share of good ol' times! Tell me," Lucca said excitedly, leaning in, "does Flea have a-"

"SHUT UP! HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE!"

"Touchy, aren't we? Oh, and hey Maggy, I just remembered something ELSE you said to me. Didn't you also say you thought Ogans were more attractive than me? Does that mean you like THEM, too? Oh, and they have hammers! Oh, and what about Alfador-"

"ALL RIGHT. YOU - HAVE - GONE - TOO - FAR." Angry was simply not the word for Magus's mood at this point. He was absolutely ENRAGED. Leaning in towards her slightly, he said in a very quiet but deadly voice, "Now, before I blast you into oblivion I will take the liberty of telling you exactly what I think of you. First of all, calling you a geek is an insult to their kind. You are an absolute piece of SLIME, an incredibly horrible example of the human race that deserves to suffer. You are incredibly ugly, and in fact, you are the ugliest female I have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes upon. And worst of all, you dote upon that fool Crono when you have absolutely no chance whatsoever for him to even give you the time of day."

Magus gave off a sadistic grin as Lucca let out a choked sob, tears immediately streaking down her face in reaction to his cruel observations. He was the last person she wanted to cry in front of, but she absolutely could not bottle up her feelings, which she had harbored for so long, any longer. And, going by the fluctuating energy ball that grew steadily in one of his hands, she would probably never have a chance to let them out again.

"I hit a nerve, didn't I, four-eyes? Well, you and I both know I speak the truth. You thought I knew nothing about why you were bawling in the forest that night? And what about the things you say in your dreams, like this morning, for example?! It's quite obvious that you're smitten with the spiky-headed idiot. Too bad Lucca Ashtear isn't PERFECT enough for the idyllic Crono. It's no small WONDER why he chose the princess instead of YOU, four-eyes. Anyone in their right mind would."

He gave her a hard, unfeeling stare for a moment, literally savoring her radiating pain, then continued in a softer but no less menacing voice, "Pathetic, four-eyes. That's what you are. Pathetic. I doubt you have even had a boyfriend, much less kissed anyone. Too bad you never will."

Lucca sensed that his speech was coming to a close, but she really didn't care anymore. Everything was as he had said: she was pathetic. While her life had good points, the bad outnumbered them all. And then there was Crono. Especially Crono. He was the only one that had EVER stood up for her when she was picked on when she was little. EVER. And now to have him snatched away like this-

"G-go ahead!" Lucca cried out, her body shaking so hard that she couldn't move. "Do me a favor and put me out of my misery! You're right! You were right all along! Just please- please make it quick..." With one last breath she closed her eyes and waited for him to follow through.

It never happened. Lucca waited and waited, but for some unknown reason he wouldn't grant her this simple request. After a moment she slowly opened one eye, wondering what he was up to, and that was when a most shocking thing occurred. That was when he leaned over and kissed her.

Her first thought was to push him away, that he had no right to be playing with her like this, but she found that she had no resolve. She was enjoying it too much. He was too...good for her to push away.

Almost as if someone else's mind was in her body, Lucca leaned in further and pressed herself against him, kissing him back. Magus responded by forcing open her mouth and kissing her even more deeply, his arms wrapping themselves around her and gently massaging the small of her back. She stroked his beautiful blue hair, with almost a frightened air, gently, marveling at how silky to the touch it was.

Finally, he tossed his hair and broke the kiss with one last stroke of his hand on her back. For a moment they just stared at each other, with no malice or hatred on their faces. Just confusion. Or maybe hunger.

Both at the same time they dove at each other, lips meeting again. Lucca moaned as he gently wiped tears from her face and stroked her temples. Hmfph, forget Crono. Crono who? Crono was no comparison to this guy.

Both in desperate need of air, they parted again after a mere ten seconds, still looking at each other in confusion and wonder. Slowly putting his hands on his lap, Magus was the one to regain his voice first. "See? I KNEW you were inexperienced."

Lucca suddenly remembered what had been going on BEFORE the kiss and flared up again. "How DARE you! How DARE you say that! You have NO right to give me a psychoanalysis of what's going on in my life! I HATE YOU! Leave me alone! FOREVER!" Sobbing, she slapped his face with all of her might and ran up to her room, leaving an equally bewildered Magus to sit alone on the porch swing.

Magus just sat there, stunned, slowly rubbing the red mark on his cheek with a shaking hand. He had screwed things up. Yet again.