Fan Fiction ❯ Obsessions ❯ Obsessions ( One-Shot )

Obsessions
By: Lady Lolita

Story blurb: A continuation from my story "If Only". This features the same man watching his friend making love to someone else.

Warnings: Male/male situations, slight angst

I know I'm obsessed with this, now. Before, it was just watching my friend and his boyfriend out on dates. Now, it's more than that. I can't just stop there. I have to follow him home when he's got that guy with him. I have to watch what he does with him. If he's going to do anything with that man, I want to know about it, I want to watch, I want to be able to pretend its me.

But, at the same time I can't do that. I can't pretend it's me. I might make some noise, possibly moan and draw his attention to me. The window in his bedroom is open and just the right height from the ground so that I can crouch beneath it and peek over it and watch what's going on inside.

I don't need to see, though. I can hear it. I can hear the moans and the groans he's getting from his boyfriend. I can hear him groaning, too. I can hear him groan his lover's name. Yes, I have to use the term lover, now. I don't want to, but it's the right term. This is the fourth time I've watched them do this.

I love to hear him moan, and I love to watch him do what he's doing, but I just wish he wasn't doing it to somebody else...I want to be the one he's pleasuring, the one he's making moan and cry out like that, the one he's inside of...But, I had my chance, and I blew it. I had several chances, before. I saw them, I got scared, and I ignored them. I kept thinking 'what if it's a joke?' or 'what if it doesn't work out?' or 'what if he doesn't mean it that way?'

All of those fictional 'what ifs' I was thinking about blew all of my chances. If I had just taken a single chance, maybe I WOULD be the one in there with him right now, the one writhing beneath him, the one begging him not to tease and not to go so slowly.

But, no. Instead of doing what I should have done, I smiled and ignored the chance, pretended it wasn't there, and waited for him to make the first move, when all along he'd been waiting for me to make the move. Maybe, he was thinking the same way I was. And, you know what? That guy he's with now...the one in there that he's making love to...That guy came up to him one day, when we were talking and leaning against a store wall, and asked him out. And, it pained me to hear him accept. And, they've been going together ever since. If I'd just done what that guy had done, if I'd just swallowed my pride and my stupid fear, I would probably be the one going with him now, I'd probably be the one in that bed with him right now.

I can't expect to go up to him now, after all those missed chances, and ask him out, when I already KNOW that he's going with somebody else, when he knows that I know, and expect him to dump his current guy, who obviously makes him happy, and drop everything else, and forget what he had with the guy he's with now, to go with me, just because I was a little late in realizing I was being a jackass.

If I did that, I'd lose his friendship. Its true that I obviously can't be completely happy with JUST being his friend, but it's better than nothing, isn't it? I mean, at least I've got his friendship, that's SOMETHING. And, I realize that I'm jeopardizing even our friendship by watching him like this. It would only take one wayward glance toward this open window, or one accidental sound from me, to make him see me and that would be the end of even our friendship.

I can't say that I'd blame him for that, either. And, neither can anybody else if they wanna be practical about thinking about it. Even I would break a friendship off with somebody if I caught them or found out that they were spying on me having sex without my permission to do so. Yes, I know. Hypocritical of me. But, I don't care. It doesn't change the truth of it.

I know his lover hasn't noticed me, yet. I'm pretty sure he'd draw the line at watching them have sex. Spying on them while they're out on a date is one thing, but spying on them making love is a totally different story. It would probably be really creepy and I'm sure he'd let my friend know that I've been watching them in the sack AND watching them out on dates.

That's why I'm trying my best not to get caught. But, I have to pay a lot of attention, which means I can't have much of my imagination running wild with pretending that I'm his lover and not just his obsessed best friend.

Besides, I don't want to be the one guilty of giving my friend emotional grief or distress, even if I do want him to be more than just my best friend. It isn't his fault that I'm the one stuck being obsessed, that I'm the one stuck out here watching him have sex with somebody else and completely unable to tear myself away. I guess maybe I need a good shrink. A really good one, maybe he or she could tell me how the Hell I can get rid of this problem, how I can stop obsessing over him. I wouldn't be so obsessed if he didn't have a boyfriend, because while he's single I still have a chance. While he's unhappy in a relationship, I've got a chance. But, while he's happy in a relationship and his partner is happy with him, and there doesn't appear to be any sign of a break up anytime soon, I have no chance.

I just have to watch, sitting out here in the dew dampened grass on my knees, while I peek over the window to see inside and watch him during something that I know he thinks is too intimate to just be WATCHED by a third party. That only two people should experience together.

You know, that's rare in a guy. Most guys don't think of sex like that, in fact, he's pretty much the only guy that I know that thinks of it that way. Even I don't, really. I should leave, I know. I should stop being such an ass, I should just suck it up and get on with my life. I blew the MANY chances that he gave me. It's my own fault. I should let them have their privacy. They're entitled to their privacy and as his friend, I should be more than willing to give it to him. Uh...his privacy I mean. I shouldn't be the only one that's out here at night, which isn't that smart anyway, watching my friend and his lover get it on. I should be torturing myself at home, not by his window.

But, even though I know that, I can't, absolutely can't, move away from the window, walk away and go home, or anyplace else. I can't leave until they finish and I know they're sleeping. I don't know why, I just can't. Even then, I stay and I watch him sleep, his arms around his lover. It reminds me of something out of a romance novel, the way he holds his lover. Maybe, him and me just weren't meant to be. Maybe, I was never supposed to take those chances.

No way. That's way too mystical for me. And, the last thing I need to add to all of this is mystical crap. What it comes right down to, is that I blew all those chances that he kept giving me. I blew one too many, and somebody else came along that took a chance and got him. Maybe they'll stay together, but maybe they won't.

However, if they do break up, and he ever gives me anymore chances, or anymore reasons to think that just maybe he'd still want to be with me, I'm gonna take the first chance. Maybe, I won't even wait for a chance. Then again...they might not break up. That'd be a nice kick in the head to me. But, if it makes him happy...I'll just be around somewhere, with my obsessions, and watching him. I know I will, if they never break up.

I should stop listening and watching, now. But, I want to watch him orgasm. I know...I'm a sick, stalking, perverted monster that doesn't deserve his friendship. Well, just wait until you go through something like that. Then, we'll see how much of a monster you think somebody that can't help this is. I know I've got a problem, I know I probably need a shrink, I doubt I'll really go to one. I'll probably just be content watching my friend, and keeping my obsessions carefully hidden as much as I can, until I either get caught, one of us dies, or for some reason the two of them stop seeing each other.


The End