Fan Fiction ❯ On Fire ❯ On Fire ( One-Shot )
[ A - All Readers ]
By: Cloaked_In_Blue 
He needed a walk to clear his mind....
R/R
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 08.14.2005 | Pages: 6 | Words: 6.3K | Visits: 423 | Status: Completed
He needed a walk to clear his mind....
R/R
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 08.14.2005 | Pages: 6 | Words: 6.3K | Visits: 423 | Status: Completed
On Fire
By: Cloaked_In_Blue
This is for the Forbidden Love Summer Fanfiction Contest. Reviews are welcome and critisism is always asked for.
Disclamer: Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Got it.
Song: On Fire
Artist: Switchfoot
Album: The Beautiful Letdown
Pairing: Raven/Robin
"words"
'thoughts'
lyrics
-----------------------------------------------------------
‘ ;I’m happy for her,’ thought Robin. He tried to convince himself every morning when he made breakfast that this was true, but it wasn’t. ‘It’s good that she’s finally found someone.’
Aqualad had decided to move in. The reason he had given the team was that he needed to get out of the water for a while and make himself more…well-rounded with the people of the surface. But, the truth was that he came for Raven. And Robin knew this.
Robin was never particularly intimidated by anyone... except for Raven. She always gave him that look or touch that weakened his knees like soaking a sponge in a full bathtub. The rarity of her smiles made him long to see more of them, and whenever one came his way, he cherished it. Until Aqualad came along… Now all her smiles were devoted to him. Robin knew it was a mistake to let them be together ever since the Trident incident. He could clearly see the thing they had for one another. The only problem was that he didn’t have the power or the guts to say anything. And the excuse that he could use was the old "It'll hurt the dynamics of the team", and he knew that was the lamest thing he could say.
So now, he was watching them on the couch as they viewed Cyborg and Beast Boy playing video games. Her head was propped up on his shoulder and his arm was wrapped around her as he played with her violet hair.
They tell you where you need to go,They tell you when you'll need to leave,They tell you what you need to know,They tell you who you need to be.
Yet, still he wondered. Was she intimidated by him? Were they happy? How could he know for sure that it wasn’t all an act? He scolded himself for his detective side breaking through, but the option was still thrown out there.
And for this, he loathed the Atlantisan. Because he had everything. He had Raven, and Robin didn’t. He had happiness and peace of mind, because that’s what Raven provided for the soul. She didn’t cling to you, or beg for attention, or demand that you hold her hand if you were in public together. She was the kind of girl that would walk by your side, and as you hopefully slipped your pinky into her fingers, hesitating for the slightest moment, she would grin and look down, and then wind your fingers into hers, relief welling inside you. With Raven, you would show the affection and she would take. After all, that’s what most people wanted, someone to show affection to. Some just wanted to be loved. Greedy for all the attention they could get. Not Raven. She never initiated. It drove him stark, raving insane to see their footprints left on the beach as the tide washed them away. Made him crazy to wash the plate that they ate spaghetti on together when he had dish duty, which was what he was doing right now. He scrubbed and scrubbed that plates left over from last night, that someone on the couch playing video games "forgot" to do, desperately trying to rid the world of the evidence the two were together. He rinsed the leftovers and sauce down the drain and happily, gratefully, flicked the switch for the garbage disposal. He heard the hum underneath the sink gradually crescendo to a roar.
“Dude! Could you keep it down over there?” asked Beast Boy over the noise.
Robin turned it off.
“Sorry.” His hand slid off the switch slowly and rested on the counter.
And that is when Robin realized that he could never have her. That single act of switching the disposal off made an ember inside him glow with the idea, the unwanted idea: that life and fate and their future would never allow them to be together.
‘But…’ he thought, hopelessness rising inside him, ‘But, I could give her so much more.’
“You okay?” asked a voice. That voice. The voice that echoed inside the hole within him. He looked up right into those eyes that weakened his knees. She laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Normally you put up more of a fight when Beast Boy bosses you around.”
He wanted to tell her so bad. The words burned on his lips with such a fury that he was sure his face would burst into flame.
But everything inside you knows,
There's more than what you've heard,
There's so much more than empty conversations,
Filled with empty words.
The place where his heart was felt like it dove willingly into a never-ending void as he said, “I’m fine.”
Her brows furrowed with disbelief, but she let him be. Aqualad walked up behind her.
“Hey, Robin.”
“Hey.”
“How about I do these dishes for a while? I don’t think I’m on the list yet for duty, and I’ve seen you at this sink more often then those two.” He nodded at Cyborg and Beast Boy.
“I’ll help,” said Raven, not taking her eyes off Robin.
“You don’t have to,” said Aqualad.
“Why not? I’m next on the list anyway,” she finished, prying her eyes away. Robin was grateful for some strange reason.....
“I’ll wash, you dry?” asked the water-boy, handing her a towel.
“It’s like you read my mind sometimes,” she said.
Robin’s heart fell farther into the shadows of the void. He couldn’t stand this anymore. He had to stop being in love with Raven. He was too in love with her for it to be allowable. And Aqualad had her first. He could see the relation they had with each other. She practically glowed when she was around him.
And you're on fire,
when he's near you.
You’re on fire,
when he speaks.
You’re on fire,
burning at these mysteries.
“If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room.”
Her unrelenting stare followed him all the way out of the room. When he reached the door he paused to let it open and walked through. He could still feel her eyes burning through him, barely warming the empty space inside him. He walked through the door. The steel toed shoes that had defeated so many villains before now fell against the floor with defeat. He had handled so many things in his past; Slade, Overload, Cinderblock…. So, why couldn’t he get himself through this? Through Raven? His feet carried him to his room, his solitude.
The door whooshed open and he almost fell inside. He looked at his dresser. A photo album lay closed on top of it. For some strange reason, he felt like that would solve his problems. All of them. He grabbed it and threw it on his bed, following it and laying down on his stomach. He flipped open the album, a single elbow keeping his head upright as he turned the pages. The first picture was just after they had taken on Beast Boy, making their team five. He noticed Raven’s hood was up and she wasn’t looking at the camera. She wasn’t even paying attention. But, Robin was smiling and ruffling Beast Boy’s hair, completely oblivious to her. Then, the only object that held his attention was Starfire, mostly because he had been so stunned at her beauty. After a while, the annoying questions and constant clinging grew old, and he gave up on her, as he had pretty much predicted he would. The next page was during a pizza break. Beast Boy wasn’t in the picture, so he must have taken it. That goof always had a camera on him. Starfire was making some weird Tamaranian sign to the camera. Cyborg was waving. Robin was just smiling, and Raven’s hood was up again. She was looking at something on the table, probably her menu. He noticed her eyes were filled with loneliness. He couldn’t stand it so he flipped the page.
This picture was just remembered how Raven had come to him, asking for his help. She said her father was planning on taking over Earth, so she needed a resistance force, the Titans, to stop him. He had willingly agreed, eager to start helping the greater good. Even though saving earth was quite a task for a first time solo hero. Raven, Robin and Cyborg. He had just recently gotten out of an apprenticeship himself. Bruce was happy to hear that a team was being formed. He looked closer at the picture. This time, Raven was looking at the camera, and the slightest grin revealed her happiness that she had friends. The smile warmed her face up, especially when her hood was down. She was also standing right next to Robin. Cyborg was beaming. He had been so happy to get on the team. Robin was in the middle and had an arm around each of them, which wasn’t a small feat considering Cyborg’s size. He was grinning from ear to ear. But, back then, he didn’t have anything to be proud of. His moral values were low. After leaving Bruce's apprenticeship, he was cocky and arrogant. That was almost two years ago though, and he had changed. A lot. The things he valued now were friends and other people’s well being. Before, he had been selfish and only cared about himself. Hanging around Bruce during your adolescence would do that to you. But, since he became part of a team and the risks of someone being killed was higher, he learned to value other’s lives more than his.
Give me one more time around,
Give me one more chance to see,
Give me everything you are,
Give me one more chance to be near you.
The next picture was taken by Cyborg during the road trip on spring break the team went on together. At least…physically. Raven was somewhere else… Somewhere far away. And Robin hadn’t noticed. He wanted to kill himself for that….He should have been there. Talked to her. Engaged in her interests. And now she was gone….literally, taken away from him.
But, the one thing that kept him going, the one thing that he could use as comfort, was the fact that every morning, he would see her. And she would look at him, lips spreading apart into a small smile and say, "Good morning, Robin". And he hoped, one day, that she would see him as she saw Aqualad.
And what he feared the most was that he would lose her before he ever got to explain himself. She was so in love with Aqualad that she seemed blinded to him, Robin. He could only hope with all his heart that she questioned her love… Because if the slightest doubt crossed her mind, then Robin would be there for her. If she needed a pair of ears to listen, he would be the first to her side. He could only pray to God every night straight from his soul that she would look at him, and question her love for Aqualad. But it wasn't that simple for her. Her heart's affection couldn't be displaced so easily. She had been hurt before, and that's why Robin distanced himself, he couldn't bear to see her hurt again.
There was a knock at his door. He quickly closed the album and jumped off his bed. He put the book back on the dresser. He looked at himself in the mirror swiftly and ruffled his hair a bit. He never liked it when it was tidy.
Could it be her?
He adjusted his mask and took a deep breath, opening the door.
*Woosh*
Oh....
"Hey, Star."
"Robin, I am delighted to see you, friend!"
"What's up?"
"I have noticed lately that you have been- what is you say...." she paused for a moment, "Inside the dumpster."
Robin stared at her. She grinned; unaware that what she just said was quite ridiculous.
"Is that not what you say when a friend is not acting as usual and is sad and unpleasant?"
It dawned on him.
"Do you mean, down in the dumps?"
"Oh, well.....yes. I guess that's what I meant....." She blushed.
"No, I'm okay. I'm just going through a hard time."
"Would you like to have a conversation about it? I think it is called....the bonding."
"Actually, Star, I think I just need some alone time. You know, to think it through."
"May I ask what is troubling you?"
Gosh, this girl was persistent....
He leaned against the doorway. "You know when someone you were friends with… decides that they want to be friends with someone else?" he explained, using friends as a way to describe how he felt for Raven.
"No, I have never had that happen to me," she admitted. "So I do not understand how it feels, although I have some idea."
"It feels like they don't even pay attention to you anymore. And it feels like something is wrong with you."
"I'm very sorry. Who is this friend? Is it someone I would know?"
"No, you wouldn't know he--them." It pained him to lie to her, knowing that if she ever found out it would be disastrous.
He stood there for a second, thinking.
"Well, I seem to have come at a bad time. I presume that I will see you at dinner?"
"Yeah, I'll see you then."
She glided down the hallway, humming a Tamaranian song.
Robin sighed. Raven was never at his door when he needed her. But he was always there for her.
'I need to get some air,' he thought, and left his doorway, hearing it woosh shut behind him. He needed to keep going, keep moving. Somehow, he thought that would help him with this problem. Maybe, give him an incentive to wake up in the morning and start his day. He didn't know it, but he already had one, he had just lost her to someone else.
’Cause everything inside me looks like,
Everything I hate....
You are the hope I have for change,
You are the only chance I'll take....
He raked his mind for places to go as he opened the closet to get his jacket. He remembered that he wouldn’t need it. It was June. He sighed.
'Why do I even bother?' he thought to himself as he gently put the jacket back in the closet.
He closed the doors and continued on his way. 'If anyone asks, I'm just going out....just going out.'
He rounded a corner and began to think, trying to clear things up in his head. Right now, his mind was like someone threw a bunch of ingredients in a bowl and said, "Cake!” He couldn't even form a coherent thought- Much less word. He got in the elevator.
"So, Robin, how are things going?" Robin looked up.
'Shit.'
"Well?" asked Aqualad.
"Ah, pretty good I guess. How is it going for you?" He pressed the ground floor button and the doors shut.
"Great. Things are great...." said the water-boy. He looked distracted.
'That's probably how it is when you're in love with the most beautiful woman ever,' thought Robin.
"You know, I really do appreciate what you all did for me. You know, letting me stay here and everything."
"Sure, no problem. Always happy to help a fellow Titan."
The question was burning on his lips. He couldn't stand it any longer.
"So, how have you and....Raven been doing?" It came out of his throat all cracked and distorted. But, the question got through. Immediately after he asked it, Robin regretted it. Aqualad's face sunk.
"Well....I guess we've been okay...."
"I'm sorry," rushed Robin, "I shouldn't have asked."
"No, no. It's fine. You of all people have the right to know. After all, you two know each other best." He looked at Robin. Could it be....jealousy? He continued.
"Well.....Our relationship has hit....a standstill....a plateau." He motioned with his hands what a plateau looks like. "I just wish that she would open up to me more. I know it's difficult for her, seeing how hard it is for her to let out her emotions. I just don't know the little things about her."
"Like what?"
"Like," he paused thinking of her, "how she drinks her tea. Or what would make her give me a brilliant smile. Not one of those grins she gives me… a beautiful white one. Or maybe, where her favorite vacation spot would be. You know....little things."
"That must be hard...."
"It is difficult."
The elevator dinged and the doors opened.
"I guess I'll see ya then...." said Aqualad.
"Yeah.....Oh and hey...."
"Yes?"
"She drinks Earl Gray, no sugar. Three drops of milk and one of honey." Robin said before stepping out. "And her favorite place in the world.....Pensacola." The doors closed behind him and he headed for the park.
'Even I don't know what makes her smile like that.....' he thought, getting on his R-Cycle and revving it up. He put his helmet on and Rode down to the ferry.
When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...
He steered his cycle onto the boat as it slowly started to go towards the mainland. The warm water beneath him churned as the wind combed through his hair. The driver was whistling "If I Only Had A Brain" from the Wizard of Oz and steering the boat toward the dock happily. He wore a navy shirt with khaki pants and suspenders and that odd sailor’s hat that his boss probably forced him to wear. But he took pride in his work. And Robin had to admire that. He enjoyed his job, passing the time gaily, and went home to his kids and wife at night, happy as a clown. Robin looked down and saw fish following.
'What a life,' he thought.
There was a clunk and a splash of water as the boat docked and Robin got off, saluting the driver and steering his vehicle. The man gave it back and kept on whistling, shining the ferry and tying it down, preparing for the next passengers. He looked strange in his uniform.
"Better be careful."
He turned around. The driver was talking to him.
"Why is that?" asked Robin.
"It looks like rain," he warned, "Tum tum, it looks like rain...." he sang. Robin knew it was familiar, but he couldn't put his nose on it.
The driver winked, grinning, and went back to his work whistling again.
"Have a nice day," he said, probably rehearsed. Robin finally got off the dock and headed for the park, hoping the fresh air would help clear his mind. He revved up the engine and with a screech, he was off. He could hear thunder in the distance over the wind in his ears.
'Ha. He was right.' He turned the corner on 19th street and continued on, seeing the park from where he was. Three minutes later, he was at the gate. He turned his R-cycle off and looked up at the worn, golden, chrome sign as he took his helmet off. JUMP CITY PARK. He looked at the sign below. LITTERING FINES DOUBLED. After carefully chaining his precious vehicle to the gate, he entered the park with a leisurely stroll, and observed the citizens feeding the birds and casually waving at him as he passed. He saw a Raven fly by.
'Raven.....' he thought. She was so.....out of his league. He needed to move on. To find someone else. But he knew that it wouldn't work. He would still look at her every day and see the gorgeous, glittering, beautiful soul that was out of his reach. He only pitied her because she belonged to that wrenched Aqualad, and not him. He could make her so much happier. And obviously, they were having problems with their relationship. Could Robin help her? Should he? Would he....? It all boiled down to the fact that he just couldn't muster up the courage to ask her if anything was wrong or if she wanted to talk. He had seen her tell off Beast Boy enough times to know that he needed to be on her good side. And her contempt for people showing that they cared about her was even more intriguing. She gave the image that she wanted to live without pity and sympathy from others, which drew Robin towards her more. However, after the incident with her father, she knew that Robin had helped her and she was grateful. He had never seen that before in her and it was an entirely new person. Why was she different with him? How come she didn't mind it if he showed her he cared?
Robin sighed.
"It's going to be a long day...." he said, as he saw a girl feeding birds. She looked up when he passed and he heard a small, whispering gasp escape her mouth. He couldn't help but grin as he continued to walk.
He stumbled back. Something was holding on to his cape. He looked over his shoulder and saw the little girl tugging gently on the corner of her cape. He raised an eyebrow.
"Are--are you....."
He bent down so he could see her face to face. Her hair was nearly black, verging on auburn and ebony. And her lips were pink and round and reminded him of a model’s. She wore a yellow dress that had purple, sunflower-shaped buttons down the front and her white sandals looked freshly polished. But her eyes reminded him of his own. The deep blue pools of interest gleamed before him, hoping that this was the leader of the well known superhero team.
"Am I what?"
"Robin."
"Why, yes," he said comfortingly, for she was looking quite terrified. "Yes, I am."
"Could you.....could you help me? You see--I can't reach...." she muttered, glancing at the water fountain down the path.
He almost laughed. Almost.
"Where's your mommy?" he asked, looking behind her.
"She's at home. I'm here with my sister. She's walking my doggy, Savannah."
"Oh...I see. Well, let's see what I can do."
He took her little hand and led her down the path. To show that she couldn't reach, she jumped a little bit, but couldn't quite get there. She couldn't even press the button to get the water to come out.
He grabbed her underneath the arms and lifted her up, letting her stand on his knee. The water dripped down her chin as she drank, and got on her dress. When she finished, Robin wiped her mouth.
"There," he said, "all better?"
"All better," she said, smiling up at him.
"It’s little girls like you that make me happy to be a superhero," he said to her. Her smile widened, revealing her white teeth.
"Darcy?!" shouted someone from down the path. A flustered looking teenage girl with an uncanny resemblance to the child before him came sprinting down the path, black Labrador in tow.
"Darcy, oh my God...." she said, sweeping the little girl in her arms, dog bouncing around her legs. ”I thought I lost you!" She held the little girl's head to her chest and combed her hair with her fingers. She looked close to tears. In fact, a line of them were already forming on her long, dark eyelashes.
"Don't worry Ally, I'm okay," said Darcy. Her sister kissed her forehead. "Robin took care of me."
Ally looked at Robin, still holding her sister, who was standing there speechless. She set Darcy down on the ground and she started patting her dog, who licked her face happily.
"Thank you," she said, holding out her hand. "I'm Ally."
"She just wanted a drink of water," he said, shaking her hand and gesturing with his other to the fountain next to them.
"I only let her out of my sight for a second. The darn dog started to run away...."
"No problem," he said, still marveling at the resemblance between them. "You two look a lot alike."
"Yes, well, she is my sister." She put her hand on Darcy's head, ruffling her hair and then smoothing it down.
"Ally, Ally, Ally! I'm a hungry!" said Darcy, jumping up and down at her sisters side and tugging on her jeans.
"What do you want to eat?" asked Ally, getting down to eye level with her and straightening her dress.
"Pizza! Pizza!" she said, taking her sisters hand and dragging her up and away.
"Pizza it is!" she agreed, as if she had a choice. She looked back at Robin as she was pulled away, "Thank you again!" She waved and smiled.
"Sure!" he said as she disappeared out of the park, just as thunder rumbled and the clouds rolled in. The weather was still hot, but the breeze picked up and the sun disappeared behind rain-filled clouds. He sat down on the park bench, thinking about Raven. Raven, Raven, Raven.
Those girls loved each other so much. The older sister had looked so scared when she rounded that corner, but so relieved to have finally found her younger sibling. He could only imagine the love between them. Unconditional. Each loved one another in such a great capacity that they almost burst. And he could tell just by looking at them together. He wondered if Aqualad and Raven felt that way towards each other. His gelled hair ruffled in the wind that was blowing quite roughly in the air. Trees and birds danced around as the pavement turned polka-dotted with rain.
'I'd better get back,' he thought to himself, 'but I can't face them.'
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me,
Standing on the edge....
He knew that if Raven ever opened up to him they would never know that kind of love together, and that's what he craved the most from her. He knew that she could provide the kind of attention and relationship that other girls who gawked at him on the streets could, but that's not what he wanted from her. He wanted all of her. He wanted to know her deepest secrets, her lies, her dreams, her hopes. He wanted to be afraid of her, but still be close. And at this point, all this confusion in his head, all this thinking, was making him need her more and more. This feeling that he got when she brushed by him, or said, "Hey," in the hallway, wasn't enough. He wanted to know her. Her being. Her soul. All of her.
The normally spiky hair dampened and fell to his forehead and curled around his ears as it began to rain harder. He turned around and started walking back, blinking rain out of his eyes. He didn't think that he would make it to his R-Cycle in time. And his prediction was right. It started pouring. BOOM! The crack of thunder was the signal for the rain to fall. And fall it did. Rain dripped off his nose, and down his chin, following the curves of his face. He was brushing hair off of his face when he heard his name being called.
"Robin!" he heard, turning around. It was hard to hear in the rain, and it seemed to be coming from behind him. He was wrong.
"Robin!" said the voice. That voice. Her voice.
'Oh, God,' he thought, turning back around and seeing her running towards him.
"Thank God I found you," she said.
"What's wrong? Is anything wrong?" he said, trying to look her in the eyes as she bent over, trying to catch her breath. His mind tried to drag him away from the fact that she was standing in front of him, by asking himself why she was out of breath if she could fly. But, he wouldn't let his mind win.
"No, no," she answered, "everything's fine. But, why are you out here?"
"Why are you out here?" he asked, listening to the rain fall.
"Looking for you," she explained, gesturing to him. He noticed that her clothes, along with his were completely soaked.
"You didn't have to look for me," he said, half-heartedly. He wanted to look into her eyes, but he was afraid. Afraid of what he might see. Friendship.
"Of course I did," she said, "what are you talking about? We all were worried about you. We saw the storm coming, and Cyborg suggested that someone go looking for you. I mean, I couldn't just let you stay out here with a thunderstorm, so I came to find you?"
"What about the others?" he asked, "Are they in there, dry? While you're out here soaked to the bone?"
"Well, yes," she said, wiping rain out of her eyes, only to have it replaced. His eyes followed the raindrops down her forehead, cheeks, neck........
"Is Aqualad in there?"
"Of course, I just said that."
"And he sent you out here, by yourself with it lightning out?"
"What is wrong with you?" she asked, talking over the downpour, "Do you think this is some kind of test or something?"
"Yes, I do. Why else would they make you come out here?"
She came closer to him. She knew something was wrong. But, he couldn't say it. The thought of rejection was too unbearable.
"What are you talking about, Robin? What's happened to you? Why don't you talk to me anymore? Why is it that can't get a smile out of you, lately? When I pass you in the halls, you close your eyes like I'm some-- some monster that you don't want to look at."
'Oh no,' he thought, 'You're anything but that.'
"I don't get you! We always did dishes together and talked about things, dreams, hopes. What we might become. But, now.....now I can't speak of those with you anymore. It's like they are our forbidden pleasure. A forbidden love."
He looked her hard in the eyes. Those eyes that forbid him entrance to her soul. How could one person love another so much?
"Is there something you're not telling me? Robin?" she asked, getting closer and putting her hand on his shoulder. His arm and neck felt like they burst into flames at her touch.
"You should be getting back," he said, regretting his words the second the breath left his mouth.
Her hand dropped.
"You always have to make things so difficult, don't you?"
"Yes," he said.
"I can't believe you!" she said, obviously angry. "Why can't I understand you? What is this you're hiding from me?!! Why can't I get it?" She backed away from him, arms up and raised. They fell limply to her sides.
And he knew.
This was the time.
She needed to know.
Whether it cost him his dignity, his reputation, even their friendship.
She had to know. Here. Now. In the park, in the rain, with no one around; no one to see or hear or witness his actions.
"Because I love you!" he shouted, the empty void in his chest filling. The rain poured, the lightning thundered, and she didn't say a word.
"What?" she said quietly.
"I.......I love you," he said weakly. His head dropped.
She stared at him, looking him over in that way only she could. Studying him, the creases of his face and how the water made his hair darker.
"Why..." she tried, desperately to push the air through her lungs, "…didn't you say something, before?"
"I couldn't."
"You wouldn't!"
"I didn't have a choice!" he yelled into the rain, looking up. "Raven. Oh God, it's been so hard. Night after night, I dreamt of your face. It haunted my dreams. I begged for it to stop. I pleaded to God that he would leave me alone. But, you can't get out of my head, Raven. I love you. I've loved you for so long now, that I've forgotten how to feel anything else. When each day didn't matter anymore and every villain that we came up against was meaningless. And when I had to lose you to--" he stopped, knowing the damage he could cause.
"How could you do this to me?!" she said, asking him with fury, "I gave up on you. You chose to ignore my signs, so I moved on.......I was happy.....with him." She walked closer to him. "Where were you when I needed you?"
"I'm so sorry," he said, "I should have been there. I should have seen you. I should have talked and asked and shown and done all those things. But I didn't. And it's in the past. I can't correct what I've done wrong. All I can ask of you is to forgive me. Please. Raven. I need you to say it's all right. I need to know everything is okay. That I didn't hurt you."
"You did hurt me. But, everything's alright," she said. She came closer to him still. Closer. "You're here now."
And she kissed him.
And he kissed her back.
They pulled each other close like the world would end if they let go. They kissed like they could never have each other again. All the passion, all the heart-wrenching, confusing emotions that were stored inside were let out. And the rain fell. She wrapped her legs around him and he lifted her up. She looked down at him, with a brilliant smile on her face. One she had never given Aqualad.
"I love you, Raven," he said, still holding her head and looking into her eyes. Those words, however common they were amongst lovers, seemed to make everything alright. And both of them knew that they would make things fall into place.
"And I you," she replied.
They kissed until the summer rain stopped falling.........................
Cause I'm on fire,
when you're near me.
I'm on fire,
when you speak.
I'm on fire,
burning at these mysteries....
These mysteries....
Ah, you're the mystery.
-------------------------------------
Thank you for reading.
By: Cloaked_In_Blue
This is for the Forbidden Love Summer Fanfiction Contest. Reviews are welcome and critisism is always asked for.
Disclamer: Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Got it.
Song: On Fire
Artist: Switchfoot
Album: The Beautiful Letdown
Pairing: Raven/Robin
"words"
'thoughts'
lyrics
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‘ ;I’m happy for her,’ thought Robin. He tried to convince himself every morning when he made breakfast that this was true, but it wasn’t. ‘It’s good that she’s finally found someone.’
Aqualad had decided to move in. The reason he had given the team was that he needed to get out of the water for a while and make himself more…well-rounded with the people of the surface. But, the truth was that he came for Raven. And Robin knew this.
Robin was never particularly intimidated by anyone... except for Raven. She always gave him that look or touch that weakened his knees like soaking a sponge in a full bathtub. The rarity of her smiles made him long to see more of them, and whenever one came his way, he cherished it. Until Aqualad came along… Now all her smiles were devoted to him. Robin knew it was a mistake to let them be together ever since the Trident incident. He could clearly see the thing they had for one another. The only problem was that he didn’t have the power or the guts to say anything. And the excuse that he could use was the old "It'll hurt the dynamics of the team", and he knew that was the lamest thing he could say.
So now, he was watching them on the couch as they viewed Cyborg and Beast Boy playing video games. Her head was propped up on his shoulder and his arm was wrapped around her as he played with her violet hair.
They tell you where you need to go,They tell you when you'll need to leave,They tell you what you need to know,They tell you who you need to be.
Yet, still he wondered. Was she intimidated by him? Were they happy? How could he know for sure that it wasn’t all an act? He scolded himself for his detective side breaking through, but the option was still thrown out there.
And for this, he loathed the Atlantisan. Because he had everything. He had Raven, and Robin didn’t. He had happiness and peace of mind, because that’s what Raven provided for the soul. She didn’t cling to you, or beg for attention, or demand that you hold her hand if you were in public together. She was the kind of girl that would walk by your side, and as you hopefully slipped your pinky into her fingers, hesitating for the slightest moment, she would grin and look down, and then wind your fingers into hers, relief welling inside you. With Raven, you would show the affection and she would take. After all, that’s what most people wanted, someone to show affection to. Some just wanted to be loved. Greedy for all the attention they could get. Not Raven. She never initiated. It drove him stark, raving insane to see their footprints left on the beach as the tide washed them away. Made him crazy to wash the plate that they ate spaghetti on together when he had dish duty, which was what he was doing right now. He scrubbed and scrubbed that plates left over from last night, that someone on the couch playing video games "forgot" to do, desperately trying to rid the world of the evidence the two were together. He rinsed the leftovers and sauce down the drain and happily, gratefully, flicked the switch for the garbage disposal. He heard the hum underneath the sink gradually crescendo to a roar.
“Dude! Could you keep it down over there?” asked Beast Boy over the noise.
Robin turned it off.
“Sorry.” His hand slid off the switch slowly and rested on the counter.
And that is when Robin realized that he could never have her. That single act of switching the disposal off made an ember inside him glow with the idea, the unwanted idea: that life and fate and their future would never allow them to be together.
‘But…’ he thought, hopelessness rising inside him, ‘But, I could give her so much more.’
“You okay?” asked a voice. That voice. The voice that echoed inside the hole within him. He looked up right into those eyes that weakened his knees. She laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Normally you put up more of a fight when Beast Boy bosses you around.”
He wanted to tell her so bad. The words burned on his lips with such a fury that he was sure his face would burst into flame.
But everything inside you knows,
There's more than what you've heard,
There's so much more than empty conversations,
Filled with empty words.
The place where his heart was felt like it dove willingly into a never-ending void as he said, “I’m fine.”
Her brows furrowed with disbelief, but she let him be. Aqualad walked up behind her.
“Hey, Robin.”
“Hey.”
“How about I do these dishes for a while? I don’t think I’m on the list yet for duty, and I’ve seen you at this sink more often then those two.” He nodded at Cyborg and Beast Boy.
“I’ll help,” said Raven, not taking her eyes off Robin.
“You don’t have to,” said Aqualad.
“Why not? I’m next on the list anyway,” she finished, prying her eyes away. Robin was grateful for some strange reason.....
“I’ll wash, you dry?” asked the water-boy, handing her a towel.
“It’s like you read my mind sometimes,” she said.
Robin’s heart fell farther into the shadows of the void. He couldn’t stand this anymore. He had to stop being in love with Raven. He was too in love with her for it to be allowable. And Aqualad had her first. He could see the relation they had with each other. She practically glowed when she was around him.
And you're on fire,
when he's near you.
You’re on fire,
when he speaks.
You’re on fire,
burning at these mysteries.
“If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room.”
Her unrelenting stare followed him all the way out of the room. When he reached the door he paused to let it open and walked through. He could still feel her eyes burning through him, barely warming the empty space inside him. He walked through the door. The steel toed shoes that had defeated so many villains before now fell against the floor with defeat. He had handled so many things in his past; Slade, Overload, Cinderblock…. So, why couldn’t he get himself through this? Through Raven? His feet carried him to his room, his solitude.
The door whooshed open and he almost fell inside. He looked at his dresser. A photo album lay closed on top of it. For some strange reason, he felt like that would solve his problems. All of them. He grabbed it and threw it on his bed, following it and laying down on his stomach. He flipped open the album, a single elbow keeping his head upright as he turned the pages. The first picture was just after they had taken on Beast Boy, making their team five. He noticed Raven’s hood was up and she wasn’t looking at the camera. She wasn’t even paying attention. But, Robin was smiling and ruffling Beast Boy’s hair, completely oblivious to her. Then, the only object that held his attention was Starfire, mostly because he had been so stunned at her beauty. After a while, the annoying questions and constant clinging grew old, and he gave up on her, as he had pretty much predicted he would. The next page was during a pizza break. Beast Boy wasn’t in the picture, so he must have taken it. That goof always had a camera on him. Starfire was making some weird Tamaranian sign to the camera. Cyborg was waving. Robin was just smiling, and Raven’s hood was up again. She was looking at something on the table, probably her menu. He noticed her eyes were filled with loneliness. He couldn’t stand it so he flipped the page.
This picture was just remembered how Raven had come to him, asking for his help. She said her father was planning on taking over Earth, so she needed a resistance force, the Titans, to stop him. He had willingly agreed, eager to start helping the greater good. Even though saving earth was quite a task for a first time solo hero. Raven, Robin and Cyborg. He had just recently gotten out of an apprenticeship himself. Bruce was happy to hear that a team was being formed. He looked closer at the picture. This time, Raven was looking at the camera, and the slightest grin revealed her happiness that she had friends. The smile warmed her face up, especially when her hood was down. She was also standing right next to Robin. Cyborg was beaming. He had been so happy to get on the team. Robin was in the middle and had an arm around each of them, which wasn’t a small feat considering Cyborg’s size. He was grinning from ear to ear. But, back then, he didn’t have anything to be proud of. His moral values were low. After leaving Bruce's apprenticeship, he was cocky and arrogant. That was almost two years ago though, and he had changed. A lot. The things he valued now were friends and other people’s well being. Before, he had been selfish and only cared about himself. Hanging around Bruce during your adolescence would do that to you. But, since he became part of a team and the risks of someone being killed was higher, he learned to value other’s lives more than his.
Give me one more time around,
Give me one more chance to see,
Give me everything you are,
Give me one more chance to be near you.
The next picture was taken by Cyborg during the road trip on spring break the team went on together. At least…physically. Raven was somewhere else… Somewhere far away. And Robin hadn’t noticed. He wanted to kill himself for that….He should have been there. Talked to her. Engaged in her interests. And now she was gone….literally, taken away from him.
But, the one thing that kept him going, the one thing that he could use as comfort, was the fact that every morning, he would see her. And she would look at him, lips spreading apart into a small smile and say, "Good morning, Robin". And he hoped, one day, that she would see him as she saw Aqualad.
And what he feared the most was that he would lose her before he ever got to explain himself. She was so in love with Aqualad that she seemed blinded to him, Robin. He could only hope with all his heart that she questioned her love… Because if the slightest doubt crossed her mind, then Robin would be there for her. If she needed a pair of ears to listen, he would be the first to her side. He could only pray to God every night straight from his soul that she would look at him, and question her love for Aqualad. But it wasn't that simple for her. Her heart's affection couldn't be displaced so easily. She had been hurt before, and that's why Robin distanced himself, he couldn't bear to see her hurt again.
There was a knock at his door. He quickly closed the album and jumped off his bed. He put the book back on the dresser. He looked at himself in the mirror swiftly and ruffled his hair a bit. He never liked it when it was tidy.
Could it be her?
He adjusted his mask and took a deep breath, opening the door.
*Woosh*
Oh....
"Hey, Star."
"Robin, I am delighted to see you, friend!"
"What's up?"
"I have noticed lately that you have been- what is you say...." she paused for a moment, "Inside the dumpster."
Robin stared at her. She grinned; unaware that what she just said was quite ridiculous.
"Is that not what you say when a friend is not acting as usual and is sad and unpleasant?"
It dawned on him.
"Do you mean, down in the dumps?"
"Oh, well.....yes. I guess that's what I meant....." She blushed.
"No, I'm okay. I'm just going through a hard time."
"Would you like to have a conversation about it? I think it is called....the bonding."
"Actually, Star, I think I just need some alone time. You know, to think it through."
"May I ask what is troubling you?"
Gosh, this girl was persistent....
He leaned against the doorway. "You know when someone you were friends with… decides that they want to be friends with someone else?" he explained, using friends as a way to describe how he felt for Raven.
"No, I have never had that happen to me," she admitted. "So I do not understand how it feels, although I have some idea."
"It feels like they don't even pay attention to you anymore. And it feels like something is wrong with you."
"I'm very sorry. Who is this friend? Is it someone I would know?"
"No, you wouldn't know he--them." It pained him to lie to her, knowing that if she ever found out it would be disastrous.
He stood there for a second, thinking.
"Well, I seem to have come at a bad time. I presume that I will see you at dinner?"
"Yeah, I'll see you then."
She glided down the hallway, humming a Tamaranian song.
Robin sighed. Raven was never at his door when he needed her. But he was always there for her.
'I need to get some air,' he thought, and left his doorway, hearing it woosh shut behind him. He needed to keep going, keep moving. Somehow, he thought that would help him with this problem. Maybe, give him an incentive to wake up in the morning and start his day. He didn't know it, but he already had one, he had just lost her to someone else.
’Cause everything inside me looks like,
Everything I hate....
You are the hope I have for change,
You are the only chance I'll take....
He raked his mind for places to go as he opened the closet to get his jacket. He remembered that he wouldn’t need it. It was June. He sighed.
'Why do I even bother?' he thought to himself as he gently put the jacket back in the closet.
He closed the doors and continued on his way. 'If anyone asks, I'm just going out....just going out.'
He rounded a corner and began to think, trying to clear things up in his head. Right now, his mind was like someone threw a bunch of ingredients in a bowl and said, "Cake!” He couldn't even form a coherent thought- Much less word. He got in the elevator.
"So, Robin, how are things going?" Robin looked up.
'Shit.'
"Well?" asked Aqualad.
"Ah, pretty good I guess. How is it going for you?" He pressed the ground floor button and the doors shut.
"Great. Things are great...." said the water-boy. He looked distracted.
'That's probably how it is when you're in love with the most beautiful woman ever,' thought Robin.
"You know, I really do appreciate what you all did for me. You know, letting me stay here and everything."
"Sure, no problem. Always happy to help a fellow Titan."
The question was burning on his lips. He couldn't stand it any longer.
"So, how have you and....Raven been doing?" It came out of his throat all cracked and distorted. But, the question got through. Immediately after he asked it, Robin regretted it. Aqualad's face sunk.
"Well....I guess we've been okay...."
"I'm sorry," rushed Robin, "I shouldn't have asked."
"No, no. It's fine. You of all people have the right to know. After all, you two know each other best." He looked at Robin. Could it be....jealousy? He continued.
"Well.....Our relationship has hit....a standstill....a plateau." He motioned with his hands what a plateau looks like. "I just wish that she would open up to me more. I know it's difficult for her, seeing how hard it is for her to let out her emotions. I just don't know the little things about her."
"Like what?"
"Like," he paused thinking of her, "how she drinks her tea. Or what would make her give me a brilliant smile. Not one of those grins she gives me… a beautiful white one. Or maybe, where her favorite vacation spot would be. You know....little things."
"That must be hard...."
"It is difficult."
The elevator dinged and the doors opened.
"I guess I'll see ya then...." said Aqualad.
"Yeah.....Oh and hey...."
"Yes?"
"She drinks Earl Gray, no sugar. Three drops of milk and one of honey." Robin said before stepping out. "And her favorite place in the world.....Pensacola." The doors closed behind him and he headed for the park.
'Even I don't know what makes her smile like that.....' he thought, getting on his R-Cycle and revving it up. He put his helmet on and Rode down to the ferry.
When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...
He steered his cycle onto the boat as it slowly started to go towards the mainland. The warm water beneath him churned as the wind combed through his hair. The driver was whistling "If I Only Had A Brain" from the Wizard of Oz and steering the boat toward the dock happily. He wore a navy shirt with khaki pants and suspenders and that odd sailor’s hat that his boss probably forced him to wear. But he took pride in his work. And Robin had to admire that. He enjoyed his job, passing the time gaily, and went home to his kids and wife at night, happy as a clown. Robin looked down and saw fish following.
'What a life,' he thought.
There was a clunk and a splash of water as the boat docked and Robin got off, saluting the driver and steering his vehicle. The man gave it back and kept on whistling, shining the ferry and tying it down, preparing for the next passengers. He looked strange in his uniform.
"Better be careful."
He turned around. The driver was talking to him.
"Why is that?" asked Robin.
"It looks like rain," he warned, "Tum tum, it looks like rain...." he sang. Robin knew it was familiar, but he couldn't put his nose on it.
The driver winked, grinning, and went back to his work whistling again.
"Have a nice day," he said, probably rehearsed. Robin finally got off the dock and headed for the park, hoping the fresh air would help clear his mind. He revved up the engine and with a screech, he was off. He could hear thunder in the distance over the wind in his ears.
'Ha. He was right.' He turned the corner on 19th street and continued on, seeing the park from where he was. Three minutes later, he was at the gate. He turned his R-cycle off and looked up at the worn, golden, chrome sign as he took his helmet off. JUMP CITY PARK. He looked at the sign below. LITTERING FINES DOUBLED. After carefully chaining his precious vehicle to the gate, he entered the park with a leisurely stroll, and observed the citizens feeding the birds and casually waving at him as he passed. He saw a Raven fly by.
'Raven.....' he thought. She was so.....out of his league. He needed to move on. To find someone else. But he knew that it wouldn't work. He would still look at her every day and see the gorgeous, glittering, beautiful soul that was out of his reach. He only pitied her because she belonged to that wrenched Aqualad, and not him. He could make her so much happier. And obviously, they were having problems with their relationship. Could Robin help her? Should he? Would he....? It all boiled down to the fact that he just couldn't muster up the courage to ask her if anything was wrong or if she wanted to talk. He had seen her tell off Beast Boy enough times to know that he needed to be on her good side. And her contempt for people showing that they cared about her was even more intriguing. She gave the image that she wanted to live without pity and sympathy from others, which drew Robin towards her more. However, after the incident with her father, she knew that Robin had helped her and she was grateful. He had never seen that before in her and it was an entirely new person. Why was she different with him? How come she didn't mind it if he showed her he cared?
Robin sighed.
"It's going to be a long day...." he said, as he saw a girl feeding birds. She looked up when he passed and he heard a small, whispering gasp escape her mouth. He couldn't help but grin as he continued to walk.
He stumbled back. Something was holding on to his cape. He looked over his shoulder and saw the little girl tugging gently on the corner of her cape. He raised an eyebrow.
"Are--are you....."
He bent down so he could see her face to face. Her hair was nearly black, verging on auburn and ebony. And her lips were pink and round and reminded him of a model’s. She wore a yellow dress that had purple, sunflower-shaped buttons down the front and her white sandals looked freshly polished. But her eyes reminded him of his own. The deep blue pools of interest gleamed before him, hoping that this was the leader of the well known superhero team.
"Am I what?"
"Robin."
"Why, yes," he said comfortingly, for she was looking quite terrified. "Yes, I am."
"Could you.....could you help me? You see--I can't reach...." she muttered, glancing at the water fountain down the path.
He almost laughed. Almost.
"Where's your mommy?" he asked, looking behind her.
"She's at home. I'm here with my sister. She's walking my doggy, Savannah."
"Oh...I see. Well, let's see what I can do."
He took her little hand and led her down the path. To show that she couldn't reach, she jumped a little bit, but couldn't quite get there. She couldn't even press the button to get the water to come out.
He grabbed her underneath the arms and lifted her up, letting her stand on his knee. The water dripped down her chin as she drank, and got on her dress. When she finished, Robin wiped her mouth.
"There," he said, "all better?"
"All better," she said, smiling up at him.
"It’s little girls like you that make me happy to be a superhero," he said to her. Her smile widened, revealing her white teeth.
"Darcy?!" shouted someone from down the path. A flustered looking teenage girl with an uncanny resemblance to the child before him came sprinting down the path, black Labrador in tow.
"Darcy, oh my God...." she said, sweeping the little girl in her arms, dog bouncing around her legs. ”I thought I lost you!" She held the little girl's head to her chest and combed her hair with her fingers. She looked close to tears. In fact, a line of them were already forming on her long, dark eyelashes.
"Don't worry Ally, I'm okay," said Darcy. Her sister kissed her forehead. "Robin took care of me."
Ally looked at Robin, still holding her sister, who was standing there speechless. She set Darcy down on the ground and she started patting her dog, who licked her face happily.
"Thank you," she said, holding out her hand. "I'm Ally."
"She just wanted a drink of water," he said, shaking her hand and gesturing with his other to the fountain next to them.
"I only let her out of my sight for a second. The darn dog started to run away...."
"No problem," he said, still marveling at the resemblance between them. "You two look a lot alike."
"Yes, well, she is my sister." She put her hand on Darcy's head, ruffling her hair and then smoothing it down.
"Ally, Ally, Ally! I'm a hungry!" said Darcy, jumping up and down at her sisters side and tugging on her jeans.
"What do you want to eat?" asked Ally, getting down to eye level with her and straightening her dress.
"Pizza! Pizza!" she said, taking her sisters hand and dragging her up and away.
"Pizza it is!" she agreed, as if she had a choice. She looked back at Robin as she was pulled away, "Thank you again!" She waved and smiled.
"Sure!" he said as she disappeared out of the park, just as thunder rumbled and the clouds rolled in. The weather was still hot, but the breeze picked up and the sun disappeared behind rain-filled clouds. He sat down on the park bench, thinking about Raven. Raven, Raven, Raven.
Those girls loved each other so much. The older sister had looked so scared when she rounded that corner, but so relieved to have finally found her younger sibling. He could only imagine the love between them. Unconditional. Each loved one another in such a great capacity that they almost burst. And he could tell just by looking at them together. He wondered if Aqualad and Raven felt that way towards each other. His gelled hair ruffled in the wind that was blowing quite roughly in the air. Trees and birds danced around as the pavement turned polka-dotted with rain.
'I'd better get back,' he thought to himself, 'but I can't face them.'
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me,
Standing on the edge....
He knew that if Raven ever opened up to him they would never know that kind of love together, and that's what he craved the most from her. He knew that she could provide the kind of attention and relationship that other girls who gawked at him on the streets could, but that's not what he wanted from her. He wanted all of her. He wanted to know her deepest secrets, her lies, her dreams, her hopes. He wanted to be afraid of her, but still be close. And at this point, all this confusion in his head, all this thinking, was making him need her more and more. This feeling that he got when she brushed by him, or said, "Hey," in the hallway, wasn't enough. He wanted to know her. Her being. Her soul. All of her.
The normally spiky hair dampened and fell to his forehead and curled around his ears as it began to rain harder. He turned around and started walking back, blinking rain out of his eyes. He didn't think that he would make it to his R-Cycle in time. And his prediction was right. It started pouring. BOOM! The crack of thunder was the signal for the rain to fall. And fall it did. Rain dripped off his nose, and down his chin, following the curves of his face. He was brushing hair off of his face when he heard his name being called.
"Robin!" he heard, turning around. It was hard to hear in the rain, and it seemed to be coming from behind him. He was wrong.
"Robin!" said the voice. That voice. Her voice.
'Oh, God,' he thought, turning back around and seeing her running towards him.
"Thank God I found you," she said.
"What's wrong? Is anything wrong?" he said, trying to look her in the eyes as she bent over, trying to catch her breath. His mind tried to drag him away from the fact that she was standing in front of him, by asking himself why she was out of breath if she could fly. But, he wouldn't let his mind win.
"No, no," she answered, "everything's fine. But, why are you out here?"
"Why are you out here?" he asked, listening to the rain fall.
"Looking for you," she explained, gesturing to him. He noticed that her clothes, along with his were completely soaked.
"You didn't have to look for me," he said, half-heartedly. He wanted to look into her eyes, but he was afraid. Afraid of what he might see. Friendship.
"Of course I did," she said, "what are you talking about? We all were worried about you. We saw the storm coming, and Cyborg suggested that someone go looking for you. I mean, I couldn't just let you stay out here with a thunderstorm, so I came to find you?"
"What about the others?" he asked, "Are they in there, dry? While you're out here soaked to the bone?"
"Well, yes," she said, wiping rain out of her eyes, only to have it replaced. His eyes followed the raindrops down her forehead, cheeks, neck........
"Is Aqualad in there?"
"Of course, I just said that."
"And he sent you out here, by yourself with it lightning out?"
"What is wrong with you?" she asked, talking over the downpour, "Do you think this is some kind of test or something?"
"Yes, I do. Why else would they make you come out here?"
She came closer to him. She knew something was wrong. But, he couldn't say it. The thought of rejection was too unbearable.
"What are you talking about, Robin? What's happened to you? Why don't you talk to me anymore? Why is it that can't get a smile out of you, lately? When I pass you in the halls, you close your eyes like I'm some-- some monster that you don't want to look at."
'Oh no,' he thought, 'You're anything but that.'
"I don't get you! We always did dishes together and talked about things, dreams, hopes. What we might become. But, now.....now I can't speak of those with you anymore. It's like they are our forbidden pleasure. A forbidden love."
He looked her hard in the eyes. Those eyes that forbid him entrance to her soul. How could one person love another so much?
"Is there something you're not telling me? Robin?" she asked, getting closer and putting her hand on his shoulder. His arm and neck felt like they burst into flames at her touch.
"You should be getting back," he said, regretting his words the second the breath left his mouth.
Her hand dropped.
"You always have to make things so difficult, don't you?"
"Yes," he said.
"I can't believe you!" she said, obviously angry. "Why can't I understand you? What is this you're hiding from me?!! Why can't I get it?" She backed away from him, arms up and raised. They fell limply to her sides.
And he knew.
This was the time.
She needed to know.
Whether it cost him his dignity, his reputation, even their friendship.
She had to know. Here. Now. In the park, in the rain, with no one around; no one to see or hear or witness his actions.
"Because I love you!" he shouted, the empty void in his chest filling. The rain poured, the lightning thundered, and she didn't say a word.
"What?" she said quietly.
"I.......I love you," he said weakly. His head dropped.
She stared at him, looking him over in that way only she could. Studying him, the creases of his face and how the water made his hair darker.
"Why..." she tried, desperately to push the air through her lungs, "…didn't you say something, before?"
"I couldn't."
"You wouldn't!"
"I didn't have a choice!" he yelled into the rain, looking up. "Raven. Oh God, it's been so hard. Night after night, I dreamt of your face. It haunted my dreams. I begged for it to stop. I pleaded to God that he would leave me alone. But, you can't get out of my head, Raven. I love you. I've loved you for so long now, that I've forgotten how to feel anything else. When each day didn't matter anymore and every villain that we came up against was meaningless. And when I had to lose you to--" he stopped, knowing the damage he could cause.
"How could you do this to me?!" she said, asking him with fury, "I gave up on you. You chose to ignore my signs, so I moved on.......I was happy.....with him." She walked closer to him. "Where were you when I needed you?"
"I'm so sorry," he said, "I should have been there. I should have seen you. I should have talked and asked and shown and done all those things. But I didn't. And it's in the past. I can't correct what I've done wrong. All I can ask of you is to forgive me. Please. Raven. I need you to say it's all right. I need to know everything is okay. That I didn't hurt you."
"You did hurt me. But, everything's alright," she said. She came closer to him still. Closer. "You're here now."
And she kissed him.
And he kissed her back.
They pulled each other close like the world would end if they let go. They kissed like they could never have each other again. All the passion, all the heart-wrenching, confusing emotions that were stored inside were let out. And the rain fell. She wrapped her legs around him and he lifted her up. She looked down at him, with a brilliant smile on her face. One she had never given Aqualad.
"I love you, Raven," he said, still holding her head and looking into her eyes. Those words, however common they were amongst lovers, seemed to make everything alright. And both of them knew that they would make things fall into place.
"And I you," she replied.
They kissed until the summer rain stopped falling.........................
Cause I'm on fire,
when you're near me.
I'm on fire,
when you speak.
I'm on fire,
burning at these mysteries....
These mysteries....
Ah, you're the mystery.
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Thank you for reading.