Fan Fiction ❯ One Night in Hogsmeade ❯ One-Shot

This is a parody of the song 'One night in Bangkok'. It's really stupid and slashy, but it was the only way to get the idea outta my head, enjoy!

*Setting: the 3 Broomsticks pub. We see Professor Snape sitting at the bar drinking something from a smoking goblet, looking annoyed as usual. Across the pub is a small stage. The music starts up and Snape begins to...sing?*

Snape:
Hogsmeade , Scottish sorta setting
And the school don't know that the school is getting
The creme de la creme of the magic world in a
Show with everything but Merlin
Time flies - doesn't seem a minute
Since the Prefect's bath had the Potter in it
All change - don't you know that when you
Play with potions there's no ordinary venue
It's England... or the Dungeons... or Hagird's... or... or this place!

*From behind the stage curtain out steps none other then, Remus Lupin! The werewolf is wearing tight red leather pants and a black mess shirt, but not much else. He starts dancing as the crowd catcalls at him... Snape raises a brow.*

Students (Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermione, etc.):
One night in Hogsmeade and the world's your oyster
The pubs are temples but the boys ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the god's a he
I can feel a werewolf sliding up to me

Snape: *rolls his eyes*
One village's very like another
When your think about new potions, brother

Students: *as Lupin dances towards Snape*
You're drag, you're bore, it's really such a pity
To be looking at your drink, not looking at the pretty

Snape:
Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking pub... *Lupin plops himself into Snape's lap, grinning*

Students:
Tea, boys, warm, sweet, sweet
Some are set up in the Slytherin suite

Snape: *growls*
Get off! You're not talking to a tourist
My every move's among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

*Lupin just smirks and grabs Snape face, pulling him into a hot, deep, spit-swapping kiss. Snape struggles for a minute but soon he's wrapped his arms around Lupin, returning the kiss with passion*

Students:
One night in Hogsmeade makes a hard prof. humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Hogsmeade and the Slytherin's tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the werewolf walking next to me

Snape: *pulls back, grinning in the evil-sexy way of his*
I guess you all will be the witness
To my ultimate test of sexual fitness
He sure grips me more than would a
Shiny Lockhart ever could ya
And thank God the moon is new, quiet black it
I don't see my students rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
I'd let them watch, I would invite them
But two old queens I'd doubt excite you
So you better go back to your pubs, your dorms, your Shrieking shacks

Students: *as Snape and Lupin exit the pub hand in hand*
One night in Hogsmeade and the world's your oyster
The pubs are temples but the boys ain't free
You'll find a guy in every golden cloister
A lotta flesh, a lotta history
I can feel the werewolf sliding up to me
One night in Hogsmeade makes a hard man humble
Forget despair and get your ecstasy
One night in Hogsmeade and Snape just tumbled
Now he's got some sexy wolfish company
Which means a happier Snape for you and me!