Fan Fiction ❯ Political Jeopardy ❯ Political Jeopardy ( Chapter 1 )

Political Jeopardy

Author: James the Lesser

Disclaimer: THIS IS A COMEDY! IF YOU ARE OFFENDED OR FIND THIS TO BE NOT FUNNY TO FREAKING BAD! THIS IS POLITICAL SATIRE, OR JUST DAMN FUNNY!

 

KKK/Neo Nazi/GOP, a Democrat, and an Independent play.

 

Alexander Kcebert introduces the contestants of Political Jeopardy. “Today we have a Republican, a Democrat and a 3rd Party candidate playing for charity! The Republican is playing for BATVSMBW or Billionaires Are The Victims So Must Be Worshipped, the Democrat is playing for PETA, or People Eating Tasty Animals, and the 3rd Party Candidate is playing for Make A Wish Foundation.” A loud gun shot goes off stopping Kcebert.

 

“Yee HAW! Kill the Jews! And the Gays, and…”

 

“Take that shotgun from him before he shoots someone, Security!” Three armed guards come out and wrestle the Republican to the ground.

 

“Hey I got a left to own boomsticks! Like the, uh, what comes after 1?”

 

“You mean the 2nd Amendment, which means you have the right to bear arms, I have a lovely pair hanging over my fireplace.” The Democrat says in a snobby voice looking down at the other two contestants from his high horse.

 

“Yes well, our categories are Scandals, Left, Right, Center, and the Constitution. The Democrat won the coin toss so you choose first.”

 

“I'll take Scandal for 200"

 

"This President was Impeached for getting more play from the ladies then the entire GOP Combined." The Democrat buzzes in.

 

"Who was Bill Clinton?"

 

"That is correct, the board is still yours.”

 

“I'll take Scandal for 400.”

 

"This scandal was the biggest one before WaterGate." Again the Democrat buzzes in.

 

"What is Tea Pot DomeGate?"

 

"No, Anyone?" This time the 3rd Party candidate rings in.

 

"What is Tea Pot Dome Scandal?"

 

"Correct." The 3rd Party candidate falls down after being punched byt the person next to him.

 

"That's not fair! I was to busy having sex with an 8 year old boy to come up with that answer!"

 

"Again will the republican please stop having sex with children while we are filming." The 3rd Party candidate stands up. “Still your board.”

 

“I'll take Right for 200.” The 3rd Party candidate rubs his cheek edging away from the Republican.

 

“This President proved that he was a coward when he ran away before he could be impeached for his crimes.” The Democrat rings in.

 

“Who was Richard Nixon?”

 

“He ain't no coward he was allergic to danger! He was to busy keeping dem commies down!”

 

“That is correct, to the Democrat, and please don't interrupt the game Republican. Board is now yours Democrat.”

 

“I'll take Left for 200.”

 

“The Fat Man is known for making several documentaries, Fahrenheit 9/11 and what two others?” The 3rd Party candidate rings in.

 

“What is Bowling for Columbine and Roger & Me?”

 

“That is…”

 

“That evil commie terrorist gay black Jew woman and anything else that doesn't vote republican is evil!!!!”

 

“Correct, and again please don't interrupt the game, board is yours.”

 

“I'll take Scandals for 800.”

 

“This President is known for Presstitute Gate, Where Are They Gate, 9/11 Gate, Plame Gate…” Alexander Kcebert goes on for 45 minutes naming off all the different Scandals, finally finishing short of breath. The 3rd Party candidate rings in.

 

“Who was Bush?” Nothing happens.

 

“Please go into detail, there were 7 Bush's, Senior, Junior, Jeb, Neil, George the 3rd, Samuel, and Junior again when he killed Samuel and declared himself King.”

 

“Who was George W. Bush Junior?”

 

“Oh too much, anyone else?” Amazingly the Republican rings in.

 

“GOD! And he was innocent, even when he wasn't, he was sent here by God!”

 

“No, Democrat?”

 

“George W. Bush.”

 

“That is correct.”

 

“Wait that's what I said…”

 

“No you said George W. Bush Junior, if you had just said GWB or George Junior it would be ok but you said George W. Bush Junior, which was incorrect. The board is the Democrats.”

 

“I'll take Left for 400.”

 

“This person ran against Bush Junior in the 2004 election.”

 

“That evil bastard! Who was John Kerry, that terrorist loving God hating veteran! How dare he act like fighting in a War God dodged makes himself superior!”

 

“Wow, he got it right, uh the board is yours.”

 

“I'll take Kill Dem All! For a trillion dollars.”

 

“That is not a category, choose again.” Alexander Kcebert shakes his head; this could be a looooooong time.

 

“I'll take Cons, Tit, Uti, and On for 2, 0, 0.”

 

“You mean Constitution for 200? Alright, the answer is Who Wrote the Constitution?”

 

“Who was…” Beep Beep Beep.

 

“Sorry, time is up, time for Final Jeopardy!” Clapping, blah blah blah. "Final Jeopardy, This 3rd Party Candidate ran in the 2004 Presidential Election for the Libertarians." Music Plays, they answer. "Republican what did you write?"

 

"I r is not litetate."

 

"I think you mean you are illiterate, and that is wrong."

 

"Who was Ralph Nader?"

 

"Sorry Democrat but he ran for the Green Party, how much did you wager?" Number comes up, everything. “Ouch, well, 3rd Party candidate what did you write down?”

 

"Who was Micha..." Set nuked before the 3rd party player answers.

 

The next night on the 11 o'clock news is on. "Last night nearly 3 million people were killed when the Bush Administration Nuked Downtown Los Angelas, because someone was going to say..." The Anchorwoman is stopped by the Anchorman.

 

"STOP! We don't need to be killed just because you said Michael Badna..."

 

"Move move move!" NSA Agents with jackets having NSA on the back break into the studio killing people. "Wait, this was a terrorist attack, not a Government plot to keep the truth hidden, you aren't seeing this, this is a trick by Osama Bin Laden!" people are running around screaming in terror as NSA agents shoot them down. People run out of the building, but the NSA has helicopters outside firing missiles on people and their cars. The Channel 12 News Van is destroyed, when Chopper 12 takes to the skies, the pilot and three janitors trying to make an escape.

 

“Get them! God has ordered anyone who says Michael Badnarik to be killed!” BANG!

 

“Hey, he said it himself, anyone who says that name is to be killed.”

 

“FOOL! He was the pilot; I don't know how to fly this thing!” The helicopter crashes into the parking lot killing all on board.