Fan Fiction ❯ Premonitions ❯ Realization ( Chapter 4 )

Title: Premonitions

Author: T'suko

Ch. 4/?

Ch. Title: Realization

Archive: Haven (my site)-http://www.geocities.com/alsachia/index.html; The Realm-http://kataca.tripod.com/therealm.htm; Sahari's Yaoi Shrine-http://www.yaoishrine.com

Author's Notes: Hopefully this chapter doesn't drag on and on. I don't think it does, but I don't know. It's pretty long. Well, hopefully you'll share my opinion of it not dragging on. *crosses fingers* This chapter is...weird. That's the only way I can think of to describe it. *emphasis* //flashback// I think the insults the kids call Tres are really stupid but they're all I could think of so...that's that I guess. If you have better insults, ( and doesn't that sound weird) let me know! I might just change it! On with the chapter!

"Get away from me!" I run down the hallway, not looking back to see if he's following or not. I skid to a halt inside my room, quickly turning to shut and lock the door before collapsing to a heap on the floor.

"Tres."

I move farther away from the door, glaring at the poor thing as if it was somehow its fault that someone on the other side wanted to come in. Akira made me so furious! He was such a faithful little dog, following my father's orders to the letter and never leaving me alone! It was driving me crazy! Gods I want him so. Wait a minute, where did that come from?! I don't want him!

"Tres," his voice once again intrudes on my thoughts. I ignore it.

When did I start wanting him? The mere thought is ridiculous, my father would *literally* kill me. Not just because Akira's an orphan, no that's not really the problem. That fact is, my father would *never*, not in a million years accept that I might have a lover who was a man. But I don't really have to worry about that do I? Because I *don't* want him! Stubbornly repeating that phrase as a mantra in my head I glare at the door again as Akira once again speaks.

"Tres." This time his voice is a low, pleading purr; implicating gratification if I let him in. All in all, it's a very sexual sound. My body, acting without the consent of my brain at the stimulation of his voice, gets up and unlocks the door. Effectively proving that I *do* want him. Damn.

My breath catches in my throat at the sight of Akira. His wavy hair is tousled and my fingers twitch compulsively with the desire to brush the errant pieces back off his face. His face is flushed, firm lips parted slightly from heavy breathing. He pushes his way into my room, making sure I'm still in front of him and then closes and locks the door. Oh my, I'm locked in here with him now, aren't I? This is *not* good. I stare at him, mesmerized, as his tongue darts out to wet his dry lips.

Coming to my senses as he opens his mouth to begin speaking, I turn my back to him. I'm somewhat afraid that if I look at him again I'll melt into a big puddle of desire. I hear my name spoken tenderly from where he's standing and am suddenly overwhelmed by terror. He's getting too close! So, not knowing what else to do, I go for the insulting tactic to drive him away.

"Get away from me! I don't want to talk to you, don't want you near me, don't want you to care about me in any way. Just stay away from me. I hate you!" Part of me cheers as I force that phrase past my lips while another part, deeper inside and hidden, wails at the untruth.

Suddenly I'm jerked around and thrust roughly up against the door. His face, eyes blazing with fury, is there in front of me.

"Why would I want to be around you Tres?" He says my name mockingly, harshly. It cuts at my soul while simultaneously giving me comfort. Comfort because I have succeeded in pushing him away. ...Where he belongs, so he is safe...so *I* am safe.

"Why would I want to be around a spoiled little *child* who's so afraid of letting himself feel *anything* that he isolates himself from the world, pushing away anything, or anybody, that comes too close? Tell me Tres..." I close my eyes, unable to comprehend what he is saying. Not supposed to happen this way, never like this.

"Tell me!" His tone, vicious and sarcastic at first is now tender, questioning. I keep my eyes shut tight, even so still feeling my face fill with color as shame floods through me. Though I long to deny what he's saying, I know it to be true. I am acting like a child. Longing also fills me to apologize, to show him that I'm *not* just a spoiled little child. The two emotions rise within me, swirling and battling for control. In the end, I do neither, just listen to him as he once again repeats his soft plea, leaning in closer to me, so close that I can feel his warm breath on my cheek.

"Why?" I start at his whisper, fighting down the urge to moan as his breath tickles the inside of my ear. "Why Tres?" His voice is louder this time. I force my eyes to open and look up at his face.

"Why what?" I whisper back, not really wanting to hear the answer. I don't know what he wants from me, he's so confusing!

"Why are you afraid to let yourself feel," he moves his whole body closer to mine, now whispering in a confiding way. "To let yourself have a friend?"

//

"Freak."

"We don't want to play with you, you look funny."

I ran furiously away from the children's taunts. If only my father hadn't decided that he wanted to come back to his country to live. My mother and I didn't fit in. We were pale and light haired whereas everyone around was dark; hair, skin, eyes, everything. Most actually weren't even that dark, our white skin was just a somewhat startling contrast to theirs. I wished that I had inherited my fathers skin coloring, even just a little. I also wished that I didn't look quite so much like my mother. I'd been told often enough that with my pale skin and feminine features, I made a very pretty girl, but a very wimpy boy. If only I'd looked more like my father! If, if, if, I thought savagely, running blindly. Ifs will get you nowhere!

"Hey, girly-boy, going somewhere?" I stop abruptly, almost crashing into Hamamoto and his gang. "Well, girly-boy?" I scowl at the name. He does it purposely, refusing to call me by my real name, just that insulting 'girly-boy'.

"My name is *Tres*."

"Sure, girly-boy, whatever you say. Right gang?" The rest of his friends laugh, glaring daggers whenever their eyes happen to fall on me. "So, last chance girly-boy. Where are you going?" His voice is plainly menacing now.

"Somewhere," I reply, evasive. I *know* that it will make him mad but I feel safe in doing it because I also know that I'm faster than him, and that no one knows where I run to, or how to get in, even if they *did* find my secret place. Only I and Kokuru know about the secret hollow in the tree. And only we know how to get in.

"Oh yeah?" His voice is angry. He knows that I am taunting him. "Well, 'somewhere' isn't good enough!" I easily duck under his arm as he clumsily moves to grab me. Knocking him backwards with a good shove, I run off, once again on the path to my secret place.

Once inside the hollow, I wrap one of the blankets Kokuru and I store there tight around me, shaking slightly. I really shouldn't have done that. One of these days they were going to catch me, and it would *not* be pretty. Shaking my head, I force myself to relax. No one can get in here. I wonder if Kokuru will come today? Kokuru, I think lazily, drifting off into sleep, you're my only friend.

I wake as a foot slams roughly into my side. Looking up I see Hamamoto and his gang. What are they doing here?!

"How?" I manage to gasp out as Hamamoto once again savagely kicks me. A figure steps out from the gang, revealing itself to me.

"Kokuru?!" Disbelief and a feeling of absolute betrayal run through me.

He looks down at me. " I led them here Tres."

"Why?" I'm forced to keep my questions monosyllables, afraid that if I don't I'll start crying. Boys don't cry! He looks briefly uncomfortable, but the emotion quickly erases itself from his face. He shakes his head softly before answering.

"God Tres, you really don't know do you? You always were clueless. I'm not going to answer your question because eventually, if you really wish to know, you'll figure it out on your own." He smiles at me tenderly, then swiftly picks me up and throws me across the room. The breath is knocked out of me as I slam into the wall. I'm not given the chance to recover it. Running forward, Kokuru's foot catches me in my abdomen as I slid down to the floor, flinging me roughly upward again. With each hit, each hateful word from Kokuru a painful new world opens to my eyes. I *refuse* to give them the pleasure of hearing my cry out so as each new wound is painfully made, I repeat a single phrase in my head; No feelings, never again. By the time they exit the tree, leaving me broken and bloody on the floor, it's no longer just a phrase to protect me from pain. It's my vow to myself. //

~owari~

Feedback desperately craved! More chapters should be coming soon because I'm back in school so I have classes to zone in and write. ^_^ Please let me know what you think! I'm desperate people. Literally desperate.

Tres: Face it, the only one interested in our story is you.

Not so!

T: Sure. *disbelieving voice*

It's true! Spike likes it! So do Razzi and Nick!

T: Moosifer hates it.

Teresa's got a closed mine, of course she hates it.

Akira: Just give it up Tres. And stop being pessimistic. We're supposed to either

a. cheer her up

or

b. drive her insane

What we are *not* supposed to do is

c. depress her

Got it?

T: Oh all right. Come on people, feedback is good!

Yes, I totally agree with him! Feedback=very good!

Audience: *Wailing at cliffhanger* We wanna know what happens!!

(Don't I just *wish* someone would say that..*sigh*)