Fan Fiction ❯ Putting The Peices Back Together ❯ Off the Horse, In a Book, Off Her Feet ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Sorry it took so long for me to get this fourth chapter up, but I promise the next one will be up much faster. I think I'm going to end this story around Chapter 8, but maybe if I get enough good new ideas I can stretch it to 10. There will be no sequel.

Anyhow, I realized I forgot to mention this earlier on in the story, and I apologize for that. This fic is rated PG-13 for language, violence, drug references, and sexual content. Although these things will be mentioned in the story, they will not be described with excruciating detail. And, as always I do not own any of these characters or the song. With that out of the way, let's get to the story!

"Azarath, Metreon, Zinthos…Azarath, Metreon, Zinthos…" For the past couple of hours, Raven had been meditating in her old bedroom, just like she told Robin she would. What she didn't tell him was that this was the first time in years that she's needed to. As she matured, Raven slowly gained full control over her powers, and needed to meditate less and less. Then, when she was finally able to break away from her father Trigon, Raven was free to use her emotions as she wished, she was free to feel.

However, whenever something was truly troubling her, whenever she was under a large amount of stress, her powers threatened to act up again, and Raven needed to meditate to get them back under control. But, for the last six years, Raven had hardly needed to do so, for she had something better, something that kept the troubles and stress away in the first place. She had Robin.

But now…now she wasn't so sure. The previous night had proven to be one of Raven's most difficult, as she spent it digging up painful memories in hopes that maybe they would trigger the rest of Robin's memories. Unfortunately, they had not. Besides having to relive painful past experiences Raven also had to fall asleep alone. Every night since moving in together, Raven had fallen asleep in the arms of her lover, Robin. Even on nights that he, for one reason or another refused to go to bed when she did, Raven would wait up for him, so she could have him next to her when she fell asleep. It was the first night she spent on the opposite side of the bed from Robin, and Raven hated it.

Although she would never tell him, and although she would not allow herself to show it, Raven was in pain. She missed Robin. Her Robin. She missed the man she married, and the man who, over the years, had grown to be more than her lover, but also her best friend.

Raven sighed. Over two hours of peaceful tranquility and still she barely felt better. It's one thing to lose the person you love, it's even worse to still have that person, but to have lost their love. Sighing, Raven lowered herself to the floor, stood up, and headed to the door. Meditating hadn't accomplished much, but it did about as much as she expected it to. `Maybe a nice cup of tea will help put me at ease.' She thought. `And at the same time, I can see how Robin and the others are doing.'

As she entered the kitchen, Raven was greeted by the Titan's resident archer. Or rather, by the lower half of his body that was sticking out from behind the refrigerator's open door. Raven turned her nose in disgust as a stream of smoke came billowing up from behind the door as well, as an all too familiar smell intruded the otherwise clean-smelling kitchen.

"Roy, what are you doing?" Raven asked in an annoyed tone.

Closing the door to the fridge, Speedy gave Raven a sheepish grin as he held up a large, sloppily-constructed sandwich. "Just making myself a snack, Pretty-Bird, what does it look like I'm doing?"

Raven glared at him. "It looks like you're smoking again, Roy. How do you expect any of us to take your little `war on drugs' seriously when you walk around the tower smoking pot all day?"

Speedy sighed. "Rae, for the hundredth time, it's not a `war on drugs'. It's just…there's a lot of bad people out there, you know? They prey on innocent kids, and they use drugs to make a quick buck off of them. They don't care who you are as long as you got money, you're fair game. They'll lie to you, and they'll trick you, but either way, you end up hooked, and they end up rich. So now I'm just trying to do my part to take these assholes down before they can get to anyone else…like they got to me."

Raven sighed, the night before, on that long car ride home from the hospital, she had been relieved that Robin never asked why the Titans East disbanded. Roy had mentioned it, but thankfully, Robin had just let it go. None of the Titans were exactly looking forward to telling him that the Titans East broke up when their leader got addicted to heroin. Raven remembered clearly Robin's reaction to it. He was furious, not only because Roy was his friend, and he trusted him, but because Robin and Speedy had always been so alike, that when Robin looked at Speedy, he saw himself. After the discovery had been made, and Roy went to rehab, the rest of the Titans East just weren't able to keep it up. Speedy had been their leader, their inspiration. To find out that he had succumbed to the same kind of garbage they were trying to get rid of, well, it was hard to take in, to say the least. Aqualad stopped speaking to him altogether, and after awhile, stopped keeping in touch with the rest of the Titans as well.

After successfully going through rehabilitation, and coming clean, Roy just didn't have the heart to go back to the Titans. He was ashamed of himself, and for awhile, disappeared off the map. He worked odd jobs for a while, Green Arrow being his only remaining connection to the super hero community. Then finally, one day, Speedy showed up on the doorstep of Titan's Tower, bow in hand. When Robin opened the door and first saw him, Raven wasn't sure if he was going to hug Roy, or punch him in the face. Thankfully, it turned out to be the former. For awhile, everything seemed to be fine, and Roy had seemingly returned to his old self. But then, a few years ago, the Titans started getting whiffs of a strange smell here and there in the tower, or small wisps of smoke outside a window. No one had said anything, because drugs or not, Roy was their friend, and so what if he was smoking weed now and again, at least he wasn't shooting up anymore. At least, that's how Raven felt until now. This was different. This time, he was standing in the middle of the kitchen with a god damn lit joint in his mouth.

Raven sighed. "You're still a hypocrite. If you hate dealers so much, then why would you give them your money for some damn pot, Roy?!"

Speedy grinned. "Who says I paid for this? These buds are home-grown, Pretty-Bird."

Raven stared at her teammate. "They're WHAT? You mean you're growing them HERE?! ROY!!"

Speedy said nothing, but gave Raven an apologetic shrug. Apparently, this was not enough.

"I can't BELIEVE you, Roy! We're super heroes for goodness sake, we DON'T grow DRUGS!!"

Speedy let out a deep sigh, and for the first time since Raven walked into the kitchen, dropped his cheerful disposition. "Look Rae, if you promise to keep it to yourself, I'll tell you the truth." A look of sadness washing over his face, Speedy slowly lifted both of his arms up, until they were sticking out straight in front of him.

At first, Raven was puzzled by this gesture, but as she looked again, she realized what he was trying to show her. At first glance, it wasn't quite the kind of thing you'd notice, but upon further inspection, Raven saw that both of his arms were trembling, even ever so slightly.

Speedy looked from his quivering arms up to Raven's face. "I thought once I kicked `the horse' I'd be fine, but even after the rehab, Rae, the shakes never really went away. They aren't as bad as they used to be…but…" The pain on Roy's face was clear as he choked out his next words. "…but…I can't shoot straight anymore. You know, I'm not like you and the others, Rae I don't have any super powers. I've got a bow and some arrows, and I'm good with them. That's it. Or at least…I'm good with them when I can keep my arms steady." He held up his joint with a look of disgust on his face. "You think I like this? You think I like having to resort to drugs to keep me in the game? It kills me, Rae, but it's the only thing that calms my nerves enough without hindering any of the rest of me. I've tried booze, but the fact of the matter is, I can't shoot drunk, let alone fight. Look Rae, I haven't told the others because…well, I don't want them to think that I can't pull my own weight you know? I'm just afraid that if they find out about my problem…they'll think I'm not cut out to stay on the team."

"Roy, you know none of us would ever think that, you're our friend, and you've proven yourself time and time again." Raven gave Speedy a small smirk. "Besides, the only reason I can think of anyone wanting you out of here is because your stupid munchie-attacks are eating us out of house and home. Seriously Roy, that sandwich must weigh at least a pound."

Speedy barked out a laugh, "Hah. You got me there, Pretty-Bird. By the way, how's Bats doing? Any more of his memory return since last night?"

"Roy, for the thousandth time, don't call me `Pretty-Bird'."

Raven's icy tone made Roy snap to attention, as he stiffened his body and brought his hand up in mock-salute. "Yes ma'am!"

Raven frowned. "Wait…you mean…he's not out here?"

Speedy blinked at the sudden change of subject. "Who, Bats? Nope, sorry. Haven't seen him since we brought him home from the hospital last night, and I've been out here all morning."

"That's weird." Raven said. "When he woke up, I told him he should come out here and hang out with you guys, and he sounded like he thought it was a good idea."

Roy shrugged.

Raven furrowed her brow as she looked down the hallway. "Well…if Robin's not out here…then where is he and what is he doing?"

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Raven's Diary, April 15, 2004

Dear Diary,

Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? These feelings are still so new to me, there's so little I know for sure. I think I may be in love with Robin, and god I hate him for it. This `love' is making my life impossible. He talked to me today. And not just a `Hi Raven, how are things?' kind of talk, but this was serious. I guess the job's had Robin real wound-up lately, and he needed someone to talk to, just let off a bit of steam I guess. But why, out of all the people in this god-forsaken abomination of a building did he have to pick me?

Why not his best friend Cyborg? Or his party-buddy Beast Boy? Or even Starfire, the love interest? I've never been anything to Robin, maybe a casual friend at the most. It's always made admiring him from a far much easier, at least.

I must have done something dreadful, something to really invoke the wrath of the Fates. How else could anyone explain me having to sit with Robin for 10 minutes of excruciating, euphoric pain. The whole time he was talking, I was barely paying attention to his words. All I could do was stare at his lips as they moved with each word. I stared at them and imagined those same lips pressed against mine. I don't even know what a kiss feels like, and yet all I could think about was what it would be like to kiss Robin.

Robin gulped as he read the words in Raven's diary. Sure, he felt guilty about invading Raven's privacy like that, but Robin was too enthralled by the discovery of the `Rosetta Stone' of Raven's feelings to stop himself. The Raven that Robin remembered was a girl of few words, but that didn't mean she was a girl of few thoughts. Quite the opposite, Robin was now reading the plethora of thoughts that swam around in Raven's head, but never left her lips.

Her lips. In the entry Robin was reading, Raven pondered Robin's lips and what it would feel like to kiss him. Now, ten years later, Robin found himself thinking about what it would be like to kiss Raven. As the thought sank deeper, Robin found a small smile working its way up his lips.

The smile, however, quickly faded away when Robin read the next entry.

Raven's Diary, May2, 2004

THAT BITCH. BITCH, BITCH, BITCH. I'm not sure what makes me madder, the fact that it happened, or the fact that I was so surprised when it did. Dammit. Why didn't I see this coming? Maybe if I had seen some of the signs that Star and Robin were about to get together, then maybe I wouldn't be as hurt as I am now. But I didn't see any of it coming. I was too busy seeing only Robin.

God, I was such a fool. I've spent weeks drooling over him like a bitch in heat and all the time I was too blind to realize that he and Starfire were in the process of starting a relationship. Its times like these that make me hate myself. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I really am glad I am who I am, but there are other times, times like today, that make me wish I were different. Maybe if I weren't the way I am, I could have been more open to Robin, and maybe it would have been me to win his heart. Right. And then I woke up.

Raven's Diary, June 17, 2004

Dear Diary,

Today was…frustrating, to say the least. Cyborg and Beast Boy took Starfire down to the drag strip to watch some races. They thought it might be a fun new experience for her. Whoop-dee-doo. At least it got her out of the house. Star may be my best friend, but lately, it's become so hard to be around her. Every time she opens her mouth its `Robin-this' or `Robin-that'. I can barley take it anymore. Which was why I was so relieved to hear she would be gone all day. At first I didn't expect to spend any time with Robin, I was just glad to not have to deal with Star. That was until, he walked up to me in nothing but a pair of swim-shorts and a towel and said "Want to go swimming?"

Robin had never asked me to go swimming with him before, it was hard as hell to hide my smile from him when he asked. I ran to my room, and I don't know what came over me, but for some reason, girlfriend or no, I decided to wear a bikini for the first time, in hopes to maybe get some attention from the Boy Wonder.

It was a black bikini with dark purple trim that I picked it up about a year ago, but never had the guts to actually wear it. Luckily it still fit, but just barely. I blushed when I realized that I was practically popping out of the top, but there was no time to waste worrying about it. I know I should have felt guilty, and just a bit sluttish doing what I was, but I didn't have time to feel bad about it, I was late and needed to get my ass downstairs to the pool.

When I got there, Robin was already in the water, doing laps back and forth. Instead of getting in the water and joining him, I found a pool-chair to lie on and started to read the first page of my book, just to see if Robin would say anything to me.

After about the fourth chapter, I started to realize that Robin was far more interested in his aquatic workout than he was in the back-stabbing, bikini-wearing best friend of his new girlfriend. So instead of continuing to feign disinterest, I decided to use his lack of attention to my advantage and I just sat there for what seemed like forever watching Robin swim. He was so graceful, but at the same time strong. It was that combination of the two that made me find him so attractive.

As I watched Robin swim, I imagined myself in the water, with him. I would wait in the shallow end of the pool until during one of his laps, he stopped swimming as he noticed me standing there. Then he would walk over to me, as I gave him a sultry, mysterious look. That's how the fantasy started. It ended with my back up against the corner of the shallow end and his hot, wet body pressed up against mine. Delicious.

Then, to my utter horror, I heard a distinct and far too chipper whistling coming down the hall, slowly getting louder and louder. Moments later, Starfire entered the pool area, in a sparkling lavender bikini and thong. I thought Robin's eyes were going to pop out of his head when he saw her. There are few things as humbling as being out-slutted by your own best friend. At this point, I gathered up my things, and left without so much as a word.

Today taught me something. Not only will Robin never notice me when the ever-beautiful Starfire is present, but even when she isn't, he still doesn't notice me. I guess this is some kind of sign huh? That I should just give up now. Give up my hopes, give up my dreams. Give up my love…

The guilt in Robin's heart was so heavy, Robin felt it might cause his heart to sink right out of his chest. Robin didn't remember the event Raven had written about, but he wished desperately that he could go back in time and change it. `I promise Raven, I'd notice you this time…'

Then, suddenly, Robin heard footsteps coming down the hallway, and in a frantic panic, managed to slam Raven's diary shut and put it back in it's rightful place on the shelf. Then, as the door was opening, Robin lunged for a random CD and threw it in the stereo. He was desperate for an alibi, and music seemed as good of one as any.

I stepped out on a celluloid night,

that flickered on a black and white reel.

Looking for something that I could not explain,

I could only feel.

"Rich?"

"Hey, Raven."

"What are you doing in here? Didn't you want to spend some time with the others? Roy said you haven't been out there all day."

These were the songsupheld by the shades

that spoke to me as I left town.

Israelites, The Harder They Come, 54-46

I hear them now.

And the words of the prophets never sounded as good

As the echo of a hard one drop

To forever be enslaved by thesound thecreator made-

Don't let it stop.

Robin gave Raven a sad shrug. "I don't know. I wanted to hang out with them, but I don't know. There's still so much I want to know about myself before I feel like I'm ready to face the others.

Come again, Midnight Passenger

there to accompany down,

to the end of the soul'slostavenue

feel it now.

Raven smiled warmly. "So that's why you're sitting on the floor listening to your old cds?"

Robin rolled his eyes. "Old?! I don't even recognize this CD at all!"

I kept walking in the dustall night,

Looking for a diamond in the crush

Halfway under in bars like a ship that was sinking down-or coming up.

It was not the sun, that stung,

but the fear of loss and the voice of suffering and fate.

Till I just stopped listening to the chatter of all those yesterdays - crime pays.

We will show up with all our secret problems

and even if we can't find land,

there's a tone writteninto soul songs that understands

we will be free.

Raven crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at Robin. "Look Robin, forget the CDs, I know you said you don't feel like hanging out, but tough noogies, because you've got a visitor."

Robin raised an eyebrow, "A visitor?"

"That's right. So come on, off your butt Boy Blunder, Barbara's down in the main hall waiting for us."

Come again, Midnight Passenger

there to accompany down,

to the end of the soul's avenue

feel it now.

Robin's face lit up at the sound of his childhood friend's name. "BABS?! She's here? That's great."

"Yeah, she called last night and Cyborg told her what was going on, so she drove out from Gotham to see how you're doing."

Robin smiled. `Good ole' Babs.'

Raven walked over to him and tugged on his arm, as if sadly trying to lift him from the ground, and failing miserably. "Come on, Rob. She's already here and waiting for us down in the main hall."

"The main hall? Why doesn't she just meet us at the common room?"

"The elevators are broken, Rich."

"SO?! I've seen Babs K.O. Harley Quinn with one kick before, I'm sure she can handle a few stairs."

Raven winced. "Oh god. I'm so stupid. Robin, I'm sorry. But…I think you'd better just come with me downstairs. Nothing I can say could possibly help the situation, so you'd better just come and see for yourself."

Confused, Robin put up no more fight and followed Raven out of the room without a word. As he entered the main hall, Robin stopped in his tracks at the sight of Barbara Gordon. The heroine formerly known as Batgirl, Barbara was now roughly Robin's own age, 26, and had grown into a slender young, redheaded woman. She wore stylish glasses and a radiant smile, but none of it was able to take Robin's eyes away from the one thing catching his attention. The wheelchair she was sitting in.

"Babs…what…what happened to you?"

Barbara gave Robin a sad half-smile. "You really don't remember, huh Dick?" She sighed. "I was shot…at point blank…by the Joker." From the look on her face, you could tell it had been a long time since Barbara Gordon had talked about the incident. "I'm a paraplegic now."

Tears stinging his eyes, Robin couldn't even voice a response. He simply fought back the tears and pain, and turned down the hall and walked away, back towards his room. This was exactly why he didn't think he was ready to interact with his friends yet. Everything has changed so much, that Robin didn't really feel he was ready to handle it until he knew who he was. As he rounded the corner to the elevator, he noticed Raven chasing after him.

"Robin, wait! Are you ok? What's wrong?"

Robin sighed. "I'm just…not ready for this, Raven. Too much has changed in my life, I don't even know who I am yet. There's just…so much I need to know."

As they stepped into the elevator, Raven moved closer to Robin and looked him in the eye. "Then that's what I'm here for, Rich."

Robin looked at the young woman standing in front of him. She was beautiful, in every aspect of the word. And here she was, willing to do anything she could to help him.

"Do you want me to tell you about Babs' attack?"

"No."

"Alright then." Raven paused. "Well…I know you were curious about it so…if you want, I could tell you about what happened to you and Star."

As he stared into her deep, violet eyes, Robin shook his head. "No, that's alright Raven. I don't really care about that anymore."

Raven looked up at him in surprise. "You…you don't?"

"No." Robin gently held Raven by her shoulders as she spun her around so that they were facing each other. "The only thing I care about right now, Raven…the only thing I want to know…is how you and I fell in love."

And with those words, he pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss.

Upcoming:

Learn how Raven and Robin's relationship started, and how Robin's relationship with Star ended. Next chapter will have more about the Joker's attack on Batgirl, and the real reason she showed up at the tower. Also, find out how Raven finally broke free of Trigon's influence, and more! Thanks for reading guys, and please review!