Fan Fiction ❯ Sayonara Hikage ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Shinen
started in december 2001
still in progress
by: shien (aniiasu@hotmail.com)


Prologue



- I'm still breathing... aren't I..? -
- Why do I feel so heavy..? -
- This silence... it's comforting....-
- Why don't you cry for me my love.... why don't you love me...?-


The dark haired youth stared upon the older man infront of him. His mouth opened as he gasped in the cold February air. His lips shivered as he fell to his knees to the wet, blood stained ground. His vision got clouded with tears in his light blue eyes.
Naoe stared at him coldly. His eyes stared right through him, like he wasn't there. But he was there. He was there, and he was aching of pain. He was crying for his help.
His body started to shiver. A slim string of blood trickeled down his chin and his eyelids closed slowly as he gave in to the pain and let the silence fill his head. He fell, into the darkness of the night. Into the blood stained rain. He fell into silence and nothingness... without him...

...he would never raise again....

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Chapter I



- This endless darkness... wraped around me lika a coat stained with the blood of so many innocent lives... -
- My stern face reflexes nothing... but inside I'm forever crying for justice... -
- You figured me out... you broke my masks, over and over again...-
- I wish so badly I could make only one day without hating myself...-

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(Why did I come here tonight..?) Sano asked himself and stared down in the floor. He sat on a bench in the empty corridor, waiting outside the headmasters office. Waiting to be scolded, again, just like so many times before. Scolded for the way he was, scolded for his bad grades, scolded for being a bad student... scolded for ruining everyone elses important lives. He was always the one to blame. He was guilty in any case. He sighed deeply and covered his face in his hands.
The door opened suddenly, and a fat man appeared in the doorway. Sano looked up. The older man didn't seem too happy to see him. Even so, the young boy forced a slight smile.
"Tanaka..." the man said and Sano got to his feet. "I'm sorry Tanaka... you didn't get accepted..."

- I'm not accepted anywhere... I'll never be...-

He read the paper once more and hit his fist in the wall hardly. He looked down.
"K'so..!" he cursed and closed his eyes hardly in anger. He wrinkled the paper into a little ball and threw it away.
(We're so different... you and I... you were always my better side... me in the other hand... I'm your black sheep... the trashcan for every failure...)

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Naoe opened the door and steped inside. He had already fixed his eyes on the dark haired man in the corner. His foreign looks was incredibly bright this evning. He was really standing out. A light in the darkness.
He supposed, the American was the kind of people you noticed. Never regretting anything, never hasitating to kill, never offguard. He draught deeply for his breath and walked towards the table. He sat down and stared at him coldly. Lucas gave him a pleased smile.
"You're early..." he said and leaned over the table. His brown eyes burning as he looked at him. Naoe looked away. "What do you want Lucas..?" he asked quietly. The people around them in the bar were so innocent. How were they supposed to know they were breathing the same air as two cold blooded asassins. Of course they didn't know, in that case they had all been dead by now.
Neither of them had ever been hasitating. They had never missed a target. Naoe sighed quietly of the pathetic thought and turned to face the American. Lucas leaned back in the seat and crossed his arms over his chest.
"I got a little christmas present for you!" he said and smiled that typical "I-know-something-you-don't-know" smile he loved using. Naoe gave him a bored look.
"I don't celebrate christmas..." he said coldly.
Lucas chuckled softly and hit a hand over his eyes. "Oh damn it Naoe! Can't you even pretend you're glad to see me again!" he said and glanced at the dark blonde infront of him. Naoe looked away, not to meet his burning gaze. He had done that mistake once. A misstake he didn't want to make twice...
Lucas sighed and looked out of the window. "We have a mission... that's why I called you..." he said and looked serious suddenly. Naoe looked up and stared at him.
"What kind of mission..?" he asked before the American had passed him a file over the table. Lucas leaned his elbow against the table and rested his head in his hand.
"Read and cry... for pittyness and weakness..." he whispered in a poethic, ironical voice. Naoe glanced at him and took the file in his hands. He opened it carefully and read the headlines. He froze suddenly. A name appeared in his mind. A distant memory of someone he once knew. Someone he once loved...

- I whish I could believe you... but you trust no one, right?-

He swallowed and closed it again. Every muscle in his slender body seemed to tense. His pretty face was as blank as ever, emotionless, cold, never letting anyone know about his true feelings. He clenched his hands hardly in his lap. Lucas glanced at him and noticed the change. "Bringing back old memories eh..?" he asked lazily and his lips curled up into a smirk. "I knew it would..." he stretched out his slender arms and yawned softly. "Even for me."
Naoe looked down in the floor. He thought he had forgotten. Why was he feeling ill so suddenly. He looked at the darkhaired man infront of him. Was he enjoying this? The sick bastard knew he could sneak away unaffected with this. But not him. The memories would always haunt him, and little by little tear him apart...

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Th e dark haired youth turned around to face him. Naoe looked away. Jun sighed and walked towards him to place his slender fingers on his cheek and turned back his face. Naoe started to shiver.
"D-don't touch me!" he said under his breath and broke free. He stared at him anxiously. The younger man gave him a sad look. He stood there with his arms reached out, longing to touch him. Longing to melt that ice that kept them apart. Naoe felt the panic grow in his entire body.
His mind was split. He didn't know what to do. Jun took a step closer to him, so he could feel his warm skin against his body.
"But... I want to touch you..." he whispered in his ear. Naoe froze. His voice was so soft. His grip around the gun tightened, it was his only security.
"I wish so badly, that I could believe you when you said that... but you trust no one, right..?" his soft words consoled him somehow. He felt the gentle touch of his lovers slim fingers sliding down towards his hand, stroking it gently. He lost consciousness. This rush of confusion, overwhelming him, he could not stand it. He had too give in to it... he wanted to...
He lost the grip of the gun and it fell to the floor without a sound. He was lost. Lost in the arms of his lover...

- Trust me Naoe... believe in me...-

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Naoe laid in the soft bed, staring up into the celing, knowing he wouldn't have a wink of sleep this night either... just like all other nights. There was so much he needed to know still... so much he wanted to forget...
He rose from the bed and walked over to the window. He stared down at the busy streets of Tokyo. The city he had once loved.
The city where he had once lost himself.
He leaned his forearm against the cold glass and closed his eyes. It was raining outside. Rain would always fall when he looked out of a window. He was forever damned to darkness. For who cared about his sorrow. He hit his head in the window and clenched his teath hardly.

"If you make this Naoe... I'll never bother you again... you'll be free..."

The American's voice still echoed through his mind. His breathtakes got heavier. A teardrop trickeled down his pale cheek shyly. So many tears, he had hold back for so long. So many tears he wanted to cry. So many tears couldn't free him from the guilt of the hundreds of lives he had taken... so many tears couldn't release him from this eternal sorrow...
he pulled his back against the window, slowly sinking down to the floor. He pulled up his legs to his chest and covered his face in his hands. He rubbed his eyes and swallowed. It was so strange, how memories could cause such horrible pain. Lucas had been right, it had brought back memories. Memories of a time he wanted to forget so badly, and yet he knew nothing else.
He was so very tired. But sleep wouldn't cure his wounds. Sleep wouldn't make him feel better. Dreams would keep him awake until the next dawn. Dreams he could not bare. He was so cold. He had been, ever since. He wraped his arms around himself and rubbed his cold skin. He'd never be warm again.

- Every night when I go to bed... I promise myself...-
- I will never kill again...-
- But I've never kept a promise before...-

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Sano put his hands in his pockets as he walked across the street on his way home.
Home was a pittyful name for it. He wouldn't bother call it such meaningful things. He'd rather call it hell. He knew no home.
He had never known a home.
He was unaccepted everywhere. He was pushed away from everyone. The rain was drippling from his black hair. He liked it when it was raining. It kinda discribed him the best. His feelings, his point of view. He sighed and thought about his earlier meeting with the headmaster from his school.

"There's something I want to ask you Tanaka..." the older man said and gave him a serious look. Sano nodded and swallowed. "Sure..." he said as his body tensed. He started to shiver. His eyes looked at the other man with insecure. A cry for help. A cry that would never be heared.
"Mrs Mikage told me you have been absent for a long while... is there something bothering you..?" he asked in concern.
Sano felt his heart shatter.
He swallowed not to lose controle.
"Did something happen that made you unable to go to school..?" the elder asked, but his voice wasn't heared. Sano's gaze faded slowly. He remembered that time. How could he forget? He could still feel the pain in his ribs. The memory still kept him awake at night. His father had been so angry. He hadn't stoped even when he had lost consciousness. He hadn't been able to go to school. He had been hospitalized for three weeks.
His right arm had been broken in two places, after being thrown down a stair. He had had a terrible concussion of the brain and his body had been filled with bruises and smaller wounds from knives and such. He hadn't been able to speak when he arrived to the hospital, and the first thing he had heared when he had finally woke up was the never ending complainings and scold symphonies echoing through his head.
His wounds had healed little by little, but he could still feel it sometimes. He could still taste the blood in his mouth. He could still hear them yell at him.
He looked down slowly. "I-I'm sorry... I didn't really... have a reason..." he said in a shameful voice. It was pathetic. Somehow he thought it was true...

He clenched his fists hardly and looked down in the street. He was going home to that place. Always hoping his father wouldn't be drunk or in a bad mood. Always trying to please his mother however fragile and crushed he was himself. He was never appreciated. He was never worthy of anything. Only a hit in the stomach and a slap across the face. A trashcan for everyone elses sorrows and failures. Someone to ease your own miseries on...
He glanced at the bright fullmoon, shining down on him. He took of to the left by the next corner and entered a high building. He stoped outside a brown door. He had frozed all of a sudden. He stood there, staring at the wooden door, listening. He could hear them fight. As always.
His mothers desperat cries for him to stop. His harsh, drunken voice telling her to shut up. Cursing over her "bitch-of-a-son" and how they had ruined his life. Sano looked down in the floor.
Was this something to come home to?
Something to call 'home'..? But he had no choise. He had to stay for the sake of his mother. She'd never make it without him. She needed him in some way. He could protect her. He could comfort her afterwards.
She had no one else... neither did he...
He had no one...
He hasitated and touched the doorknob softly. The pathway to hell. He knew there was no return if he had once opened it.
(Whatever...) he thought and opened the door carefully. He didn't care to take of his shoes. They wouldn't even notice he was home. He walked straight to his room, locked the door and threw himself onto the bed. He closed his eyes hardly and tried not to listen to those upset voices on the other side of the wall. His mothers terrified screams. He clenched his teath. He couldn't take it. He didn't want to listen. He didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't want to know how worthless he was. He knew it all too well already. Everyday, it knocked him down. Everyday, when he woke up in this misery - he was reminded. Everyday, he realised, he was still alive...

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"Lucas! My favorite darling, what brings you here this rainy december night..?" a red haired woman said and wraped her slender arms around his neck. She leaned over his back and kissed his cheek. "Looking for you as always..." Lucas said and smiled.
The redhead sat down beside him by the counter and a pleased smile curled up her red lips. "What can I do for you honey..?" she asked. Lucas drought for his breath and leaned back in the seat. "First of all... gimme a drink..." he said. She chuckled softly and steped behind the counter. She poured up some vodka in a glass and passed it to him. He grabbed it and took it in one draught. He let out a deep sigh. She leaned over the wooden counter and twirled his dark, soft hair around her fingers. "Feeling a little down..?" she asked and stroke his cheek. He faced her with a bored look in his face.
"Nothing worth talking about... I've got something for you..." he said, and she leaned closer as her hands moved down his neck slowly.
"What could that be..?" she asked. Lucas pulled a photography towards her. She stared at it. "I want you to track him down for me... could you do that Reese..?" he whispered in her ear. She smirked and nodded slowly. "Whatever you want love..." she whispered back and gave him a deep kiss.