Fan Fiction ❯ That Never-ending Rhythm ❯ One-Shot

That Never-Ending Rhythm: Original Composition

By: nikki hiiragizawa <nikki_hiiragizawa@rurouni.com>

Author's Notes: A flick of the mind, a flick of a finger…everything was spitted out, like water drops in a shower. This is an original story, with flashbacks and everything in angst. I'd like to thank everyone for taking time to read this.

٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭& #1645;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭ ;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭ 45;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭&# 1645;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭ ٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭¤ 5;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭
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A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss;

but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain.

"I'm so sorry." He looked away from me. I bowed my head, both in disbelief and in grief. Warm liquid trickled down my cheeks, and I hastily wiped them off. Madness, this is madness. I clasped my hands on my lap and kept silent, unmoving and anticipating, waiting for him to speak once more.

"Jen…I'm so sorry. I didn't know…" He did not know. After all this years, he still did not know. Closing my eyes, I stopped myself from shouting at him.

He was so stupid, and I was worse.

"It…it's okay. I…I just had this outburst of emotions." I stood up and picked up my books but he restrained me. I glanced at him and he reached out, wiping the unending river of tears from my face.

"Are you mad at me?"

Baka.

Stupid.

Idiot.

I shakily smiled. "No, why would I be. You were just so truthful it surprised me."

He leaned back on his seat, surveying me with those piercing eyes. "You are being sarcastic." I kept from answering. It was obvious.

He could always read me so easily.

He suddenly stood up and enveloped me in his arms. I leaned back a bit to escape it, but he succeeded. I did not move and just stared outside the window, where the buildings, the smoke from vehicles, the roof of lower houses were visible. "I'm sorry you have to hear it from somebody else." He hugged me tighter.

"That is what hurt me," I replied. I cannot hold back, and a sniff escaped me…one thing I cannot let him hear, I should not let him hear.

Pity is unacceptable.

But emotions overwhelm. And I let it go.

I clutched at his shirt and sobbed, unhindered. He slowly patted my back and bent his head to rest it on top of mine.

"You…you didn't tell me," I accused him. "I was the only person who didn't know!"

"I know…and I am so sorry. I was afraid that…I am not sure if…"

I broke away from him. "That I will not approve of it?" I continued for him. "Why? I do not hold your life. I am nobody."

He still did not stop explaining. "But you are my best friend. And your preferences for me is important."

I placed my hand on the door. "Best friend. What is that word? I haven't…"

"Please Jen, you know you have been my best friend for so long."

I glanced at him before opening the door. "Then I must be so inert that I did not feel it. Maybe you were wrong, Jin. I am not really sensitive." I nodded a goodbye and left.

~x~

Rain came that day. It splattered on the pavement I was walking on. It dripped down my skin in little rivulets and soaked my clothes. I looked up to the sky and saw that the sky was so dark…so ominous.

Yet I still walked.

Why does it hurt even when you expected it? Why does it hurt even if you understand? Why's kept tumbling around my head.

I reached my house and slowly crept in, not wanting my mother to see. Still, mothers are very psychic.

"What happened? You are so soaking wet!" Mom told me. I stood on a mat and dripped. She hurried to get some towels. She handed me the towel and wrapped my hair with the other.

Good, she didn't notice.

"Did something bad happen at school? She suddenly asked.

Whoops.

"Nothing, mom," I lied, crossing my fingers behind my back. "My eyes just hurt because the rain fell so hard." My mom nodded though she kept one eyebrow raised.

I'd rather keep it this way, since she did not know anything about that incident….those incidents.

Without saying anything more, I went to my room and faced the door…and I faced somebody I never wanted to see.

Myself in a mirror.

Thoughts came in buckets, in rivers, in seas. Why is it not I? Why is it somebody else? What does she have that I don't.

"Read my lips, buster," my reflection replied. "A-P-P-E-AL."

Oh. That I cannot compete with.

I laid myself on my bed and cried. I realized crying does help nothing. It just makes your eyes go puffy and funny. Sooner than I expected, I was drifted to a dreamless slumber.

~x~

"Jen!" Lyn slowly approached me. "Your eyes are so red. It must be that Jin again." I nodded. My friend snorted. "You shouldn't waste your time with them guys. They do nothing but revel when they make girls cry!"

I know that it's not true, and that Lyn was saying something to comfort me, but I kept silent. Then, I saw him.

"Hi Jen!" He came towards me for that usual hug we do, but I was in no mood to do that. Sensing that I am not in the mood, he backed off. "Jen, I…uh…"

"Jin!" My best friend, not Lyn, walked towards him. "Hi Jen!" she greeted me.

"Hi Ella," Lyn said. I did not return Ella's greeting. She looked at me quizzically, but did not point out anything.

Jin's other friends had appeared, and so did my other friends. They cajoled and talked and teased, and Lyn and I were soon left out of the limelight again.

"Ella," I heard Lyn say. "What does she have that you don't? I mean, you are intelligent and loyal to him! Why is that…"

I silenced my friend with a hand. "I'm just his best friend, Lyn. We cannot do anything about that."

"But you love him."

I do.

I really do.

And there is nothing we can do about it.

Lyn, even though I silenced her, continued. "Considering she is your best friend, too, she should know! I mean, you've been telling her about you and Jin, right? How come she still snatched him?"

I exasperatedly sighed. Some people can't understand human emotions, like Lyn. "He loves her. She loves him. I am bound to be alone."

After that, Lyn kept silent.

~x~

"Oi, Jen! Are you sure you don't feel awkward by Ella's and Jin's feelings for each other?" my classmate Ryan pointed out one time.

"Why should I? it's not my life."

Ryan was persistent. "But, you and Jin had been a couple for so long…Your name sounds cute whenever somebody mentions them together…Jin and Jen."

"Corrections. Names does not matter and we are not a couple."

"Oh?"

True. We've been a couple once. Or I had thought so. That was two years ago…

<<FLASHBACKS>>

"Jen, I was just wondering if you could lend me your dictionary?"

"Sure." I handed it over. After a few minutes, it came back.

"Oi, Jen, I looked up the term 'Venus' and it had a weird meaning."

I know my dictionary quite well (I had it for four years) so I frowned. "What? Dictionary meanings are always dictionary meanings, you know?"

"See for yourself."

Furious at him, I turned the pages to look up Venus, and when I finally reached it, Jin wore a lopsided smile on his face. Inserted between two pages including the word 'Venus' was a full-body sticker of Sailor Venus, my once-favorite anime character. I almost goggled at it.

"Uh…it's pretty," I can only say.

"It's yours," he replied. I thanked him while blushing faintly.

Soon enough, another surprise was on its way, and it hit my birthday.

"Jen, I have to ask you for a favor," Jin quietly said one morning.

"What is it?" I said, quite annoyed because I was currently working on an overdue assignment.

"Well," he started as he pulled out a little black box. "I was planning to give this to somebody, but she isn't here. And I'm afraid I'll ruin it if I put it in my bag. Could you…Could you please safe-keep it for me?

I was annoyed that he even included me with one of his escapades with girls, but who am I to argue? I accepted the box and placed it on my locker, carefully doing so because the box looks delicate.

"Where is the box," he asked as we went out of the school.

"Don't worry," I assured him. "It's safe in my locker."

"WHAT?!" he gripped my arm and we headed back to the school. "You have to take it home! It's very fragile! Breakable! Besides, it might get stolen!" I obliged even though I kept thinking how is it going to break and who will steal it since only me, Ella, and two of my other friends use the locker. We got the box and I placed it in my bag, since he insisted that I should take it home.

"What a bother!" I exclaimed as soon as I reached home. "He even forgot my birthday and worse he goes off flirting with girls! And I gave him a Christmas card!" The telephone rang and I answered it hastily.

"Hi, it's me."

"Who's you?"

"Jen, it's me, Jin!"

"Oh," I propped the phone up my shoulder as I turned the page of the book I was starting to read. "What do you need?"

"About the box."

"The box again?" I could almost throw the book out of the door.

"Well, you see, I think I must have placed something in there that's not supposed to be placed. Could you please open it up and see?"

"Well, how the heck am I going to pull it back together again?!" I answered. I was getting irritated. He had bothered me with the box too much.

"We'll talk about that later." Grumbling, I took the box.

"So?" I asked.

"Okay, open it." I used a knife to slice through the tape sticking the sides together. I opened one side and waited for him to continue. "what do you see?" he asked.

"Cotton. Lots of it!"

"Remove it." I removed the cotton and I soon saw a piece of paper and what looked like a mini catalogue.

"I've removed it. Tissue paper its covering it."

"There is a paper above the tissue?" he anxiously asked.

"Yeah! Is this the one I am going to remove?"

"No! no! Remove the tissue paper. Don't throw away the paper!" I removed the tissue and saw a scale model of one anime I know - Macross.

"So?" I impatiently asked.

"You see the scale model?"

"Yeah, I see it!" I was getting more annoyed because I can hear laughing in his background.

"Now, you remember the piece of paper I was reminding you? Read what it says."

I opened the paper and read. It said, "Dear Jen. Happy Birthday. Thanks for everything. I'll always love you for what you are."

I was speechless for a moment. "Jen?" he asked.

"yeah…"

"Happy Birthday." He did not know I was near tears. Call me sentimental but I was.

"Thank you…"

"Aww. It's nothing!"

I then saw that the model was a Battroid from Macross, one of the few things I treasure up to now.

We became friends for so long…we were so close people were starting to think something more about us. But neither of us minded. We are friends. That's all that matters. One day, he called.

"Jen, are you busy?"

"Yeah," I honestly said, though I really wanted to talk to him. I have realized I have a crush on him, but I was hoping he still did not know.

"Can I call you back?" That was quite a surprise, but he sounds so serious I became concerned.

"I'll call you when I finish printing my project, okay?" He agreed and hung up. I became anxious. He never calls unless it is to tease me and he sounds so serious right now. Maybe it is about his problem with his girlfriend that he's telling me that morning. I hurried and called him.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to hide my curiosity.

"Well, I called to tell you something."

"Yes?"

"Well, about Joan. We…I …you know what's going on between us."

"You had some problems with her right?" I chewed on the tip of my pencil.

"Yes. She…her family does not like me, and we…we never see each other anymore. Suddenly I found out she has broken up with me. She is already dating somebody…"

"I'm so sorry about that," I comforted. I never really understand things like breaking up since I didn't have any boyfriend yet, but I comforted him anyway. "she should have some more conscience and told you!"

"I know," he quietly answered. "I…" his voice faltered on the phone. "I just wanted to tell you…that I thank you because…you filled up the spaces she was not able to fill…" I stiffened as I anticipated where this is going. "And that…" he continued, "I wanted you to know, that I have learnt to…that I…I love you."

Silence.

My mother was coming towards me. "Uh…you do?" I answered.

"Yeah. Why are you…you are too sweet," he said. "You were very easy to fall for, you know, Jen."

I was not able to respond. Until the time came that my mom told me to put down the phone and he voluntarily hung up.

I never told him my reply until the next day.

He said he was happy he knew that I like him. Since then, our friendship blossomed into another level, more than friends, but less than lovers, as they say.

But it was not forever…those romance novels were not that truthful…

<<END OF FLASHBACKS>>

People taught me how to let go and forget. Even if I see him and my best friend together, I tried not to mind. They seem to mind, though, since they scuttle away whenever I am around.

Graduation came.

I did not bade him goodbye properly. Although I have come to accept the fact that we can never be the same again, I never forgave their deed. Since it happened with all the people knowing it…except me.

His best friend.

College was a comfort, I came to forget about aches, tears, pains. Those tears I cried before were now considered stupid and silly. I laugh off stories of him and I…when we were still together. Soon, the wound was slowly healed.

One day, my phone rang.

"It's me."

"Jin! How's it goin'?"

"Well, just fine. Are you busy?"

"No why?"

"Could you meet me at the mall?" It was his birthday, and I was surprised he invited me to a treat. I agreed and we met, watched a movie, ate, and talked.

"So, how are you and Ella doing?" I asked as I slurped my soda.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Well," he eyed his food gloomily. "We never communicate. She never answers my calls or my SMS, She never comes when we decide to meet. She never talks to me when we meet in a party or get-together."

At that time, I wanted to hunt down Ella and kill her. So much for letting the guy I love, my Jin, go to her. The man I had loved was treated like a beaten carpet by one of my should-be friends.

To hell.

I smiled and patted him. "Nah. You shouldn't worry about that much. Maybe she…"

"She does not love me anymore, Jen."

"Uh…"

"I realized we aren't meant for each other."

I cannot answer.

Jin edged closer to me. "Do you still consider me as a burden to you…or a best friend?"

"You will always be my best friend," I assured him.

"Then…will you give me another chance?"

I sat speechless.

I cannot refuse. I still love him…after what he had done. How stupid of me!

Yet I cannot agree. I do not want to be hurt all over again…

I still love him…

I still do…

I had forgiven him…

I smiled at him as he waited for my answer…

My mind is in whirl…Finally, I nodded.

"Friends?" he asked.

Once again, that never-ending rhythm of the heart, the one called Love, had turned. Where it will go, nobody knows…

٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭& #1645;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭ ;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭ 45;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭&# 1645;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭ ٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭¤ 5;٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭٭
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Nikki: AAAAHHH!!!! I am crazy! Insane! Well…this is just one of those stories that uses what you call "impulsive writing." You can flame me if you want, it is really flammable, you know…hehe..corny…

Thanks for reading!

~nikki