Fan Fiction ❯ The Ends Justify ❯ One-Shot

audi


"The Ends Justify"

How long has it been? A month? A year? Gods, I couldn't say. One thing moulds into the next and then… Time hasn't flown, nor has it stilled. There's naught for me to think about, nothing to ponder. Life? What is it for me? Why am I still alive now? There's nothing to live for any longer. Nothing. Yet he won't let me die.

He's been keeping me alive and I have no say in the matter. It's as if my life has been taken from me, although it was never really mine to begin with. He's been telling me that it'll get better, he's said it countless times, yet I don't believe him. How can I? To see what I saw… to feel what I felt… There's nothing left for me, nothing at all.

It's dark and desolate here, though where that is, I cannot say. I sit, alone, most of the day, basking in the silence. Here there are books to read and a fire to warm. He's here sometimes. Coming here-home-seems like the greatest thing for him. And then he apologises. 'Says he's sorry that he had to leave me alone and that he'll be here more often soon. Promises he will. As if I care. They may be just and sound promises but they mean not a thing to me.

I don't know what to make of him.

I feel as if I've moved from one of Akuma's hells to another. Before I was slave to my stepfather and now I'm held captive by some kind of unknown demon. At least I knew where I stood with my stepfather, I have no such luck here. What does he want of me? 'We need each other', he had said that at the beginning and he continues to say that. Need each other? Right.

A few days ago he came back, walked to me and, without saying a word, wrapped his arms around me, holding me securely to him for hours. I vaguely remember him weeping, but I know that that can't be right.

Is it too much to want to know what's happening? I'm in the dark, kept clueless and alone. What does he want from me? I fear that he will never let me go, that I'll be kept here, forever victim to his whims. Of course, I don't know his whims, or his wants. Maybe that would make it easier for me, at least I would know what to avoid then. I want to know what I need to be afraid of. Should I fear him or should I fear that which he claims to be protecting me from? Should I fear my stepfather? Is he even still alive? I just…

He hasn't been back in a while; the brooding silence is starting to get to me. In the silence, I question my sanity. As time continues, I start to think more and more. Thinking can't produce any positive results; thinking will only make it worse.

The fire's dying, and he didn't leave any more wood for it. As I watch it die, I really start to wonder what's to come of me. Will I die like the fire? It's dependent on him just as I am. Without his power will I, too, whither away? His hand is reaching out, intangible yet omnipresent.

It's cold. The fire's stopped its heat and a cold draft is blowing in from directions unknown. Is this some kind of punishment? Are the Gods punishing me for the death of my family? I'm sorry I couldn't protect them! Gods! I'm sorry more than any one can possibly be! Had I not gone to market it wouldn't be like this. I know that, I know. I could have survived the consequences, they could not. I was strong, always strong, for them. What good did it do? I should have died in their place! My strength shielded them and covered my weakness. Now that they're gone, what's left for me? They were my life, he doesn't understand that.

I've cuddled up on the couch, a weathered piece of furniture with a threadbare blanket. I want to sleep, but it's not touching me. I want to fade unto darkness, where my thoughts can no longer plague me. I want to submerge myself in the blackness of nothingness. If only I can be so lucky!

Drowsy, I blink my eyes. Had I fallen asleep? The fire's full ablaze and I'm warm, so very warm. As I try to stand, I discover restrictions. As I move, they hold stronger on to me, binding me.

'Mm, Mako, where 'you goin'?' he says as he pulls me even closer. He's dreaming, not awake yet. Still his sleep-ridden voice is full aware. I relax in his grip, relishing the warmth and hating myself for it. His grip is strong, and I have no choice but to rest against him, the separation between the two of us becomes vague and undefined. His top arm reaches up, resting on my chest. He's awake, fully. 'Do you hate me, Mako-chan?' he asks, quietly. 'Do you really hate me so much?'

I say nothing, not daring to.

'It's for you, Mako, everything I do is for you.' He's whispering in my ear, halfway desperately. 'Don't die, if you die then I'll die. Mako, I need you. Gods help me I do.'

'Don't die… I need you…' his words echo in my head, beating against it as he pauses for a few moments. Is he waiting for a response? He's not getting one.

'Mako-chan…' he whispers, soothingly. 'Don't leave me, promise me you never will.'

'I can't,' I respond. What happened to him? Why is he afraid? What is he afraid of?

'Don't, please don't. I don't want to hurt you, never you, Mako-chan.'

I know he's killed before, without a single thought. I know this. Yet he sounds so utterly helpless. He's afraid. And when he speaks like he is now, I want nothing more than to obey him. I want to believe him and I want to follow him. What's become of me?

' 'Trying to make it all better,' he continues, ' 'trying so hard. It will be better, too. Soon… You and me, Mako-chan. Always. Just us, I promise.'

'What do you want?' I ask, picking a question from my collection. My voice is steady and my trembling all but stopped.

He moves a hand up and down my side, a comforting motion that is not at all what I had asked for. 'Understand, Mako, please understand.'

'What? What. Do. You. Want?' I ask again, this time stressing each word for him to hear clearly.

'You,' he rasps. 'For me always, I need you… can't live without you. Understand!'

He's desperate. His crazed words are frantic selections that are meant to portray an idea, an idea that remains unknown to me.

'They tried to take you, Mako-chan, they tried to take you from me. I couldn't let them do that, though. No… you're mine. They can't have you. Never. I got you before they did. You were mine first!'

His? Since when was I ever his? Unless this is, indeed, some twisted enslavement. What the hells was he talking about?

'He stole you once, Mako. Not again. Now you have me. Do you trust me, Mako?

Now, there's something in his manner and in his voice that makes me victim to his almighty power. It makes me feel hopeless and helpless and loved and wanted. Don't ask me to explain it, Gods be damned if I could, but it's just that way. So, do I trust him? Granted, I have no other options, but I do. I can tell by his actions now that he's just in his motives. He feels that he's protecting me from some great evil. And, you know what, I believe him.

So I nod, quietly and wordlessly. It's enough for him. He presses his lips to my neck in a gentle kiss. And it satisfies me. I have my questions and I know that he has the answers. Right now, I know that he needs to have me here, for whatever reason. And, for whatever reason, I'm willing to be here. I may or may not get my answers, and he won't let me die. But it can only get better. Until then, I'm here only for him.