Fan Fiction ❯ The Health Patrol ❯ The Annoyance ( Chapter 1 )

The Health Patrol

Empress of Cats

It was for a science project, sorry if it's educational. Same with the script format!

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Squid: (eating chips) Oh yeah, I remember that one! Where the guy's mom shows his date his baby pictures!

TV Dude: AAAWWW MOM!!!

TV Audience: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Squid: Oh the humanity, hey these chips are-

CRASH!!!!

Leah: YO!

Meroko: Drop the chips, mister!

Squid: Who are you?

Manny: Your future wife, I mean-the HEALTH PATROL!!!

Squid: (confused) Health Patrol?

All Three: YEAH!!!

Random Voices: Health Patrol…

Meroko/Leah/Manny: (all do Charlie's Angels poses)

Squid: O.O WEIRDED OUT!!!

Leah: Now to the point-

Manny: (sparkly eyes) are you single?

Meroko: SHUT UP!!

Leah: No time for flirting!

Meroko: (points and shakes finger) THIS GUYS HEALTH IS AT RISK!

Manny: O.O; S-s-s-sorry!

Squid: Why are you guys at my house anyway?

Meroko: We've come to teach you the importance of health so…

Manny: (swipes chips)

Squid: HEY!!!

Manny: (stomps on chips) Junk food is bad…Junk Food Is Bad…JUNK FOOD IS BAD!!!

Squid: S-sorry!Â

Meroko: Now, to the point! In order to be healthy, you need your six basic nutrients!

Squid: Eh? What are those?

GASP!

Leah: So, Squid you don't know your six basic nutrients, eh?

Squid: How'd you know my name?

Meroko: Shut up! All we need to teach you is…

Chalkboard: (appears) (says "6 basic nutrients")

Leah: Here are two of them!

Chalkboard: Protein- Provides building blocks for growth, Repair and other activities of cells. Examples-meat, poultry, fish, dry beans, and peas, lentils, eggs, cheese, milk, and milk products nuts, and seeds.

Carbs- ENERGY!! Provides fiber, spares protein-cereal, grains, pasta, bread, fruits, veggies, milk, yogurt, and cheese, dry peas and beans, nuts, seeds, sugar, and sweet products.

Squid: -.-; Whatev!

Meroko: Vitamins! ♥

Chalkboard: "Vitamins-Start body processes working-

VC: Helps in healing wounds; keeps cell walls healthy- Examples-citrus fruits, strawberries, cantaloupe, cabbage, broccoli, dark leafy green vegetables, green peppers, and tomatoes.

VB1: Helps keep nervous system healthy; helps unlock energy from card. Examples- whole grain cereals, breads, pastas, meats (pork and liver), vegetables, and milk.

VA: Helps vision; keeps skin, bones, and teeth to form. Examples- liver, milk, carrots, sweet potatoes, ect…"

Meroko: Fats!

Chalkboard: "Fats-Carries some of the vitamins around the body; forms a layer which keeps body warm. Examples- butter, margarine, shortening, oil, lard, salad dressing, cream, whole milk, cheese, fried foods, peanut butter, and avocadoes.

Squid: (sparkly eyed) F-fats? ♥ (d-drool)

Meroko: But not TOO MUCH!!! (Points)

Squid: NYAH!

Manny: Minerals! ♥

Chalkboard: "Minerals-Keep body processes working.

Calcium: Keeps bones and teeth, nerves, and blood clotting system to form correctly. Examples-milk, milk product, dark leafy green veggies, fish w/ edible bones, tofu.

Iron: Needed to make red blood cells and carry oxygen to all body parts. Examples: liver, beef, pork, nuts, dry beans and peas, enriched cereals and breads, dark green leafy vegetables, dried apricots."

Manny: Water, you need plenty of it!

Chalkboard: "Water: Necessary for all chemical reactions; Regulates body temperature; carries nutrients and cell wastes; aids digestion. Examples-Beverages, juice, fruits, veggies, soups, milk, and just WATER!!!"

Squid: That's it?

YEAH!!

Squid: Why the crap should I eat healthy?

Meroko: Grrrrr…..BECAUSE YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT!!! (Goes insane)

Leah: Calm down, whydoncha?

Manny: (actually WORKING) Ummm…here, let's show you why you should eat healthy with these videos!

Squid: Okay, but what's with Meroko?

Manny: (puts video in)

Meroko: (calms down and sniggers)

=====Video======

5-24-04

4:30 p.m.

Camera: (is pointed to Homestar)

Homestar Runner: Everybody!

Meroko: HELLO OVER HERE!!!

Camera: (switches to Meroko)

Meroko: Hello, today we're gonna interview people who let junk food destroy their lives!

Hobo: (smiles because he's a big cool French hobo named Armand who now speaks English instead of French)

Meroko: Excuse me, sir!

Hobo: Hey kid, gimme yer sandwich!

Meroko: (grabs turkey sandwich) Here, have a healthy turkey sandwich!

Hobo: I want a hamburger! They turned me into a hobo! I spent all my monies on it!

Meroko: (punch!) JUNK FOOD IS BAD!

Hobo: OWW!!

Hobo: YOU LAZY CRAP-FOR-CRAP KID! I'm a gonna punch yous in the gut! (Holds up fist)

Meroko: Let's get out of here! (Runs away)

TV Screen: (goes blank the static)

Manny: Heh, heh, let's watch the other one! (Puts a new tape in)

======Other One=======

Evil Toilet: FLUSH!

Clouds: Growl!

Senor Cardgage: Excardon me, madam!

Leah: Good morning, sir!

Senor Cardgage: Hello madam, would you like a stick of gum? (Holds up gum)

Leah: (slaps Senor Cardgage's hand)

Senor Cardgage: Ow! My hand! Now I can't eat this candy bar!

Leah: JUNK FOOD IS BAD!!!!

Senor Cardgage: OWWW!!!

Evil Toilet: GROWL!

Leah: (slaps Senor Cardgage's other hand)

Senor Cardgage: OW! Now I can't eat the rest of these candy bars!

Leah: (growls)

Senor Cardgage: (cowers and cries) Oh, please don't hurt me!

Leah: (kick)

Senor Cardgage: OW!

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TV Screen: (pauses then goes back on)

==========Video==============================

Leah: So, how'd you get that comb over?!

Senor Cardgage: (sadly) I didn't get enough nutrients… (Shakes head)

Leah: Oh, I see! So how'd you get that beer belly?

Senor Cardgage: (feels better and smiles proudly) Cuz I like to drink a lotta-

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TV Screen: (goes blank the static)

Leah: So, how'd you like it?

Manny: (smiling cause she's lovesick…in love with Squid)

Meroko: (smiling because she feels like it.)

Squid: (twitch, twitch) Ehhh…. (Looks like Strong Sad on caffeine)

Manny: Squid, I wouldn't recommend you do that!

Twitch: (comes out of nowhere)

Squid: (still twitching)

Twitch: KEEEYYYAAAAA!!! That's my-my line! (Kicks Squid in the face) LOSER! (Disappears)

Squid: OWIE! V.V

Manny: (didn't notice) Well, see ya next week Squiddo! ♥

Leah: YEAH! We'll check on you every week!

Meroko: Well, gotta go! We need to teach Zero about exercise! BYE!!

Health Patrol: BYE!

Squid: Next time, can you knock on my door like normal people?

Health Patrol: NO WAY! (Leaves)

Squid: Well, now to eat some chocolate! (Goes to cabinets)

Squid: Aww, man! My junk food's gone!

Hobo: (from the first video) HEY KID! GIMME YER SANDWICH! (Has a cart full of JUNK FOOD)

Squid: (shakes head and sighs)

Strong Bad's Voice: IT'S OVER!!!!

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