Fan Fiction ❯ The Lord of the Breakfast. ❯ act 1 ( Chapter 1 )
Narrator: (enters stage left)
3 porridges for the elf-lords, who aren't very hungry.
7 porridges for dwarf kings, who are tubby little men.
9 porridges for the kings of men doomed to fry.
1 porridge for the dark lord who was on the Atkins diet.
One porridge to rule them all, one porridge to find them all, one porridge to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
The Lord of the Breakfast:
The Fellowship of the breakfast.
Narrator: Long ago when white city was young, and the dark country was small, porridges were given to the people of middle-earth, 3 porridges were given to thee elves, the wisest and oldest of the people of middle-earth, seven porridges were given to dwarves, the great miners and builders of middle earth, nine porridges were given to the kings of men, the most courageous and easily corrupted people of middle-earth, but secretly in the back ground they being played like puppets, for there was one master porridge, made by the dark lord forkron in the fumes of the great oven, into this porridge he poured all of his evil ,all of desire to dominate and to…. eat chips! This porridge corrupted the kings of men into horrible creatures known as jazzguls; one by one the free people of middle earth fell to the power of the porridge until a last alliance of men and elves was made and under the fires the of the oven of doom the last stand of the free peoples was made.
There and then Milkidur the great took the great and powerful porridge from the evil forkron.
Yet when Milkidur had the chance to destroy evil forever… he declined.
Now 3000 years later the dark lord has returned and fate lands us with the worst possible chance and most unlikely candidate to become a hero, small Frofood Baggins.
Young Frofood Baggins was walking along reading Harry potter, when in classic Tolkien rip-off style something or rather someone came along a tree, or rather a Ent, came along to see the small hobbit.
Ent-knife: Hello all friends of the Frier!
Random Fan girl: Oh my god it's Entenem! Oh my god it's him! Oh sweet joy it's him!
I've got all your songs! Oh please let me….. Please let me…….
Ent-knife: Security!
Legospoon, gimme a raisin and Araknife: (enter stage right) (drag random fangirl off stage)
Ent-knife: Ah young Frofood! My favorite little boy!
Frofood: How many times do I have to tell you! I'm a 50 year old Hobo who lives off toilet water and sceffing crops from farmer maggots farm!
Ent-Knife: Then why do you read Harry potter?
Frofood: I dunno! (shrugs) (throws harry potter book away)
Ent-knife: So since old Grildo left did he leave you anything?
Frofood: well….urr……a bowl of porridge…..
Entknife: Ahhh (gasps) Can I see it!?
Frofood: (disturbed) Umm……okay.
Ent-Knife: ^^ YAY!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Inside Nagend ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ent-knife: (staring at bowl of porridge) So finally it has been found. (throws bowl of porridge into the fire)
Fro-food: NO!
Ent-knife: Do not worry my young friend observe. (takes ring out of fire) it is made of unbreakable plastic, As tested by Braniac!, now do you see the writing?
Fro-food: Yes it is some form of French, I can not read it!
Ent-knife: No-one can, its French for middle-earths sake! I mean really!
Fro-food: (disturbed) Okay….
Ent-knife: This ring brings, terrible evil…
Fro-food: Then we hide it never speak of it again!
Ent-knife: where?
Fro-food: Down my boxers!
Ent-knife: God not even the dark lord would go down there!