Fan Fiction ❯ The Meaning of Tears ❯ The Meaning of Tears ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The Meaning of Tears

By Kage Kancho

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Sai

Tears roll down my face, but they don't mean anything to you, do they? Don't you care? One look in your cold, hard eyes gives the answer. No. You'll never care, will you? Never care about me.

I'm just the help.

That's right, think of me as worthless. Trod on me with your immaculate feet. Just don't not think of me at all.

Why me? Why do you hate me so much? I can't remember ever doing anything to you. Master why am I so horrible to you?

And why are you doing so many things you know are wrong?

You know this'll hurt her. It'll hurt me. Master, are you so needy for power?

I can't disobey you. You know I can't. You have power over my soul. You are my soul. But somehow I wish my soul wasn't quite so dark.

Come back to the light, Master. It won't hurt. I promise. I'll be here. She'll be here.

No, Master! That's not the way! Put it down! Don't do this!

She doesn't want that. Doesn't like blood like you, Master. She doesn't want to see it. Master, why must you cause her so much pain?

Master, I don't want to see this, don't want to do this. The blood's seeping onto your hands and there's nothing I can do. Master, no!

Master, you've stained your good silver blade, stained it with her blood. Clean it off, Master. There's still a chance. Clean it off your blade, off your heart. You don't have to do this. You can still come to the surface.

Master…

Sand absorbs, Master. Absorbs the pain, the hatred. It keeps it. Master, why are you putting the blade there? Why, Master? Why?

Master, what is it you wish of me? I'll do anything for you, Master.

You're mingling my blood with hers, Master. Why couldn't you cut her this way? Why did hers have to be heartblood? Was handblood not good enough for her? Don't you understand? She didn't want this. She didn't.

What's that you're murmuring, Master? It's a spell, isn't it? Why do my hands hurt so much now? Master, it's just a scar, why does it hurt?

Master, why are you laughing like that? Why are you laughing? She would have hated that expression. Master, don't you understand?

She loved you, Master. And you killed her. She loved you.

And now she's dead, dead by your hands.

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Kailua

“Sister!”

Pound. Pound. Pound.

“Sister come on!”

Pound. Pound. Pound.

“Sis! Come here!”

Pound. Pound. Splinter.

“Sis it's breaking!”

Pound. Splinter. Grunt.

“Sis he's gonna get in!”

Feet moving. A hand, my hand, slamming the wood. Muffled cry: “Sis!”

Pound. Splinter. Crash.

Voice, him. “There you are. Come to me.”

Trembling. World's trembling, through my eyes.

Warm rivers on my cheeks. “Why?” Dry, slipping from my lips.

“Where is that girl?” White hair, like snow. Cold. Unforgiving.

“No. No. Not here.” Not sister. Never sister.

Muffled sobs, sobs beneath. Sister.

“Ah, there.” Moving forward. Wants sister. No, not sister. Never sister.

“Stop!” My hands, against his chest, pushing. Splinters digging into my feet; rough wood floor. Not my floor.

Laughter. Ugly raucous laughter. His laughter. He shouldn't be laughing. He's dignified until he laughs. Nice, even, when he smiles. But laughter, his laughter, it all falls apart.

“Go away! You can't have sister!”

“Oh, darling.” Hand on my head. Familiar hand. Lips on mine. Like so many times before. Before I knew. When it was still safe. When I still loved him. When I was innocent.

The taste of salt. My tears.

“My dear, why do you cry?” His lips have left mine. Thankful. Regretful.

“Leave me alone. Leave sister and me alone.”

“Such a sweet request. If only I could.” Hands supporting me, trapping me. Won't let me fall; won't let me go.

“Get out! Leave!”

“You're such a good, sweet girl. That sister of yours, though…”

“No! Leave sister!”

He's walking forward. Hands letting me go. Cold, hard floor finds my head. Blood, warm, everywhere.

Wood lifting.

Sister's eyes, gold, pink hair swirling.

Fear.

Darkness.

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Kailua

Waking; cold. Where's sister? Sister where are you? What did you do to her? What did you do to sister?

Wrists wrapped in cold, gleaming steel. I'm chained. Sister!!

You did this. You did, Ryu-e. After promising to protect me, always. You did this. You're the one who broke my soul.

“Why the ugly glare, darling?”

He's there. How'd he get there without me noticing?!

“Give me back sister.”

“She only has two more days. Then she'll be back.”

“What are you doing to sister?”

“Just a little work. We encountered a little…problem, and now it's being fixed.”

“What kind of problem?”

“If I told you, that would ruin the surprise. I want to see the look on your face.”

“GIVE ME BACK SISTER!”

“In time…in time.” Gone, like the wind. No trace.

Shaking. My hands are shaking. I don't know why I'm so scared but I am.

Sister…

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Ryu-e

“Aieeee!”

Screams. Shrill, high-pitched.

“Stop! Please!”

Screams. Fear, engulfing fear.

“Please!”

Screams. Mine.

Pain, everywhere. Cold bands at my wrists. Injections of liquid fire.

My hair, matted in my own blood. My cheeks, washed by my tears.

Eyes, haunted eyes, watching me. A girl. A boy with something covered with a white cloth. More. So many people. All haunted.

More shots coming. From under the cloth. At least no knives yet.

Ice in my veins, wrapping around the fire into a deadly swirl, points digging into my skin. Another unearthly scream. What's happening to me?!?

Pain in my back. Something brushing my back. The “bed” falling away. Held up by chains. Ooh, my arms hurt. More weight than normal's on my back. Hanging upside down would be more comfortable.

Something's tugging on my fingers. They crack, extending. Fingers weren't meant to be this way. My voice comes again to my ears. It's getting boring, hearing my voice again and again. Why won't anyone else make any noise? They're all deathly quiet, staring, wrapping my fingers in splints, lengthened. Why won't they talk? Why won't they look alive??

“Why?” My voice, grating, pleading almost. “Why…?”
They look at me, hundreds of eyes, nothing in their eyes, for long moments before looking down to their work, ripping my fingers apart, shoving in something ivory. They don't look surprised that I scream, but they do raise their heads at what I say.

“Why don't you look alive? Can't you see what you're doing? Why don't you cry?”

I induce no response for them, except for one girl. Just one girl, in the back. She cleans a spill, tears flowing from her blank, lifeless eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sai
She's growing, Master. Your little girl. Your
little hell span. Master, she's so beautiful on the
outside, but she makes me cringe to look at her.
Master, why? Why?
I warned you, Master. But you didn't listen. Your
eyes are so cold now. You look so dead.
The girl's not following your example, though,
Master. I can see her heart pounding, beating beneath
her skin, pumping the skin out like an old time
cartoon. Do you even remember those, Master? Her
skin's a pale yellow, rivulets of red and blue blood
underneath. I can see her eyes through her eyelids,
Master. They glow kind of, and they look too big to
be true. The irises are large, but the pupils are
beady so far. She's so bony, Master. Her nails look
sharp, too, and I can see black, skeletal wings
sprouting from her back. They'll be leathery, like
yours, later, right Master?
The blood pumping beneath her skin scares me the
most. It's hers. Kailua's. And mine, too. Now I
know why you didn't kill me. You needed me to feed
her, didn't you, Master? Whenever she needs more life
force, she draws it from me, right? That's why the
scars on my hands hurt so much all the time.
I'm dying, Master. Can't you see that? You're
killing me. Just like you killed her. You're giving
us all to your daughter. To the one who'll never have
to be tortured like you.
But Master…if this isn't torture…what is?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ryu-e
He's not dead.
Not dead like the rest of them.
This man. His eyes are so alive. As though he has
the life of all the people. His eyes are glowing,
almost. Glowing sapphire.
And he's smiling.
How could he look at me and smile? How? I'm in so
much pain because of what they've done to me, and he
stops by to smile?
He's coming toward me. Why? What does he want with
me? What do any of them want with me? Why am I here?
"AAH!"
Pain, shooting up my right arm as he lifts the hand.
"Oh, does this hurt?" His voice grates on my nerves.
" `Does it hurt', you fucking bastard? Those lackeys
shoved god damn white things in my dislocated fingers
and you ask if it HURTS?"
"Oh, the white things? You must mean the pinkie toe
bones."
"Wh-what?"
"The pinkie toe bones, adding a fourth joint to make
your hands more flexible, versatile, and able." He's
twisting my hand around, examining it. "I believe
they're healing quite well, don't you?" He holds my
hand up for me to see.
A thin scar lines the top of the finger, like
lightning, but there are four joints on my already
limber pianists' hands.
"What the hell did you do to me?"
No answer. He walks behind me, brushing his hand
along something. Muscles I didn't know I had twitch,
and something black flashes in my peripheral vision.
"Beautiful, aren't they?"
"What the hell are they?"
"Why, your wings, of course. And amazing, to think
they were caused by a few small injections. Of
course, they'd still be painful, but not as painful."
"Not too painful?!? Where the hell have you been
that you haven't heard me screaming?"
"This room is soundproof, of course."
Soundproof.
That explains why no one's heard me.
It doesn't explain why no one cares.
"Why are they all so dead?"
"My, we're just full of questions today, aren't we?"
Full of questions? You've kept me locked up this
long what the hell do you think?! But I'm not saying
that. Not giving him the satisfaction of knowing he's
riled me.
"ANSWER ME!"
Well, maybe now he's guessed…
He's still smiling. Smiling. It's disgusting. He's
disgusting. I hate him.
"It's quite simple, really. I have absorbed their
souls, leaving them with nothing but reality, and if
you're trapped in reality, how can you think, if
thoughts are so speculative? Everyone thinks
something different, unique, and that can't fit into
unbending reality, now can it?"
His fingers click together in a kind of odd snap. A
girl is pulled out by two lackeys. The girl with the
crying eyes.
"Except this girl. Since you came, she seems to
have…regained, part of her soul. How, boy? What did
you do to her?"
"I didn't do anything! I just asked them why they
don't cry!"
"Interesting…activated a spell without even noticing
it…I did choose you right, boy."
"What do you mean? What are you doing to me? Why do
you need me?!?"
"You should be proud, boy. You have the honor of
being the first Necromancer the world has seen in
generations."
"Wh-what's a Necromancythingie?"
"Necromancer. You'll became a Necromancer, able to
raise the dead and cast spells, using blood as a
tribute to the gods. And you'll pass it along, down
the line, to your children, killing all your mates in
the process, and you'll NEVER be able to break free!"
He's crazy. Cackling and crazy. His eyes are
gleaming and he's really, literally crazy. He wants
me to have sex with a girl then kill her!
"You're insane. I'll never…"
"You don't have a choice."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kailua

Back. He's back. What does he want?

Thud. Floor. He's above me. Leave me alone!

Cold; air brushing across bare skin. Why's it bare? It wasn't a moment ago!

Hand on my mouth, keeping me quiet. Wraps around more than normal. His hand. His scarred, four-jointed fingers.

My breath coming fast, grating against my throat. Fear, overwhelming me.

Intrusion. I'm not ready for this. Don't want this. He won't move. Won't get off me. Warm blood around my ass. Pain, so much pain. Why is he doing this? I trusted him. Hell, I loved him. He said he'd protect me. Why isn't he protecting me from himself?

Is he done? The intrusion's gone. I'm violated…so violated. No privacy any more. What is privacy? Just an illusion, isn't it?

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I…I hate you. I do! I don't feel anything for you! Not after what you've done!

But…that's not true. I love you, Ryu-e. I may hate you but I love you too. I'm sorry for whatever I did. I'm sorry. I love you.

Tears on my cheeks will never dry.

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Ryu-e

Blood.

Blood on my hands and it feels so good.

Death.

Yes, that's right. He's dead.

And I killed him.

I killed them too. All the little lifeless people. And it feels good, so good.

There's no humanity in me any more. I know there isn't. If there was, I'd be disgusted by me. I'd be disgusted by the smile I smiled as I killed them, the glee that filled my bones. I'd hate me.

But then the monster in me would kill me.

Just like I killed them.

And just like I'll kill anyone else who hurts me. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them for making me this way. And I hate what I have to do because of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sai

I buried her, Master, just like you told me to. I buried her in the garden, under the cherry tree. And I cried.

I cried for you, Master.

Just like you once cried for me. And I loved you for it.

I don't love you any more.

You're not alive any more. You're just like I was. And you overlook the tears you granted me.

You said it yourself, once. Tears are the makers of life. And one who is truly alive will cry.

But you can't cry any more, so I cry for you. Does it make you feel more alive, Master? Or does it, in comparison, make you feel more alone?

But that's true, master. You are alone. You killed her, and so now you are alone.

And so now you should be dead.

And you died long ago.

But don't blame us, Master. I know you did. You blamed us for your pain, your suffering. But never for your death. Don't blame us for that. We didn't kill you. Never would we kill you. We woke you.

Just as you woke Kailua.

As I buried her I noticed, Master. She had streaks on her cheeks, streaks clear of blood. She was alive, master. Alive, until her heart stopped.

She'd still be alive, Master.

And she lives and you die, you die as you kill her and she lives in your knife.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kailua

I don't care. I just don't care any more. I just don't care.

He's yelling at me; “Stop crying! You'll ruin the spell!” But I don't care. I'm crying for sister; I'm crying for me.

He killed her. Sister's dead. A peaceful, pale body. Pale-no blood left.

What was wrong with sister? The fact that she was alive? Well that problem's fixed now isn't it?

What do you want with me? I'm broken, dirty. I haven't even washed my own blood off myself. Why do you want me? I'm so dirty.

A knife? What's that for? Are you going to…kill me?

Well isn't this funny. You're the only one with dry eyes in the room, Ryu-e. Even the servant girl with the blank eyes is crying. Somehow I thought you'd cry at my death.

At least I don't feel pain as you stab my heart. There's already so much there, there can't be any more.

Floor, meet head. Head, meet floor.

Your image is blurry to my eyes, but I can see something in your eyes, something I never noticed before.

You're dead, Ryu-e. You have been for the longest time. And me…

I'm still alive until my heart stops.

Ryu-e…

Goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ryu-e

One of them didn't die. The girl, the one with the crying eyes. I couldn't kill her. It's as though she was some part of me.

She's following me now.

“What's your name?” First time I've spoken to her. I wonder if she'll answer.

“Sai.”

“Well, Sai…any…um…questions, or something like that?” Great way to sound dignified.

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why didn't you kill me?”

“ `Cause you're alive.”

“So were the rest of us.”

“No you weren't. To be alive, Sai, means you can cry. They didn't cry.”

Silence. But when I look, she's quietly smiling, tears streaming from her still blank eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ryu-e

What have I created?

She's all bone, skin, and long cords of muscle. Black wings are on her back, and her fingers and toes are very, very long.

She's going to kill me.

I can see it in her eyes. She wants to kill me for making her. Just like I killed him.

I don't want to die.

I won't die.

I won't let you kill me!

You're my daughter. You're under my control. You're MINE!

Clash.

I'm fighting my daughter.

I didn't think it'd come to this. I'm sorry, darling. But I will kill you. I'll kill you, and I'll stay alive. I'll live.

I'll live.

Of course, that might be hard with my heart currently beating in your hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rayna

I killed him.

I killed my father.

My father tortured me, made me like this.

And I killed him.

Tears flow down my face as I sink to the ground. And I can't stop crying, can't stop, can't stop.

I don't want to stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sai

She's alive. She's not like him. She's alive.

And I'll be here for her.

She won't make the mistakes her father did.

And our tears will dry on the outside, but they'll always be fresh on the inside.

Our tears will never dry; we will never die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aryan (AKA The Necromancer)

12:00. Exactly. And they give it up. One hundred years, perfectly.

Well, there goes that idea.

The note from Rennin grows brown on the edges as the fire licks at it. Rennin's spiky, black handwriting meets my eyes again, once more.

“Use the Sorcerers. Let them create more of our kind. Let us live again. It will not die out like the other times.”

Sorry, Rennin. I tried. The Hundred Years Law of Humans stopped us again. The newest Necromancer will not kill, and therefore will die.

I guess this was not the right resurrection. We'll just have to try again.

The paper crinkles in the soft flame from the lamp, leaving a pile of ash around the base, the destruction of that idea.

Meanwhile, we'll just have to wait.

The clock ticks on…and stops.

Dammit, I hate this clock. Won't keep going. Damn ningen device.

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THE END