Fan Fiction ❯ The More Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ random island randomness ( Chapter 7 )

Disclaimer: I don't own any or Zelda related characters!

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[random island]

Link: *wakes up* OH MY GOD I AM STRANDED ON A MYSTERIOUS ISLAND!! ALL ALONE!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Voice: Ahem!

Link: [draws sword and turns around] Who's there??

Voice: I am none other than the amazing Star Sign Senshi, Sailor Aries!

SFX: DUN DUN DUUUUUN DUN!!

Nathanael: *appears* Whoa, hold it! I AM the one who gets to say all the DUN DUN stuff!

Sailor Aries: Hush, not now! You're going to appear later anyway!

Nathanael: Really??

Sailor Aries: Yeah, but now f*** off, you're ruining my big appearance!!

Nathanael: Oh. Sorry. Bye then! *disappears*

Sailor Aries: Now where was I?

Link: . . . amazing Star Sign Senshi?

Sailor Aries: Exactly! Ahem! I am one of the amazing Star Sign Senshi, Sailor Aries! But you can call me: OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU!!, if you wish to.

Link: Er, thanks. Sailor Aries will do just fine.

Sailor Aries: *shrug* Not my problem . . .

Link: Where am I and how did I get here??

Sailor Aries: The question is not where but when.

Link: Where am I and when did I get here??

Sailor Aries: Err, try again!

Link: How am I and when did I get here??

Sailor Aries: Nope.

Link: When am I and where did I get here?

Sailor Aries: -_-; Never mind, just look at the flashback.

~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

[Termina, clock tower, 100 years ago]

Time Bomb: I will explode in three . . . two . . . one-

Sailor Aries: *appears* Huzzah! *grabs Link* *disappears*

SFX: KABOOOOOM!!!

~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

Link: Coooooool, fireworks!

Sailor Aries: *sigh* Why did I expect you to say that?

Link: Because you're highly intelligent?

Sailor Aries: Er, yeah. That's it probably . . .

Voiceover: Shalla lalla laaa la lalla laaah!

Link: . . . what was THAT for?

Sailor Aries: He's there!!

Link: Who's there?

Red Boat: *appears in the water* Hello everyone!

Link: AH!!!

Sailor Aries: The King of Red Lions!

Link: *drool* Mmmmmh, Lion!

Sailor Aries: Not THAT kind of lion, dumbass!

King of Red Lions: Dumbass? Then you must be the Hero of Time!

Link: Yeah, how did you- waaaaait! Was that an insult???

- silence -

Sailor Aries + King of Red Lions: Nooooooooooooo.

Link: . . . . good.

- more silence -

Link: Can we play Monopoly?

King of Red Lions: Er, not yet. You still have an important task to do.

Link: Aaaawww!! But important tasks are boring!!

King of Red Lions: But this one is . . . a quest!

Link: YAY!! QUESTY!

King of Red Lions: Come aboard and I will guide you.

Link: But . . . but mommy always said: "Don't trust talking ships!"

King of Red Lions: Why, my dear friend! I'm not a talking ship!! I'm a talking boat!

Link: In that case . . .

Sailor Aries: See you, Link! See you, KoRL!

King of Red Lions: NO ABBREVIATIONS!!

Sailor Aries: -_- Fiiine . . . .

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[meanwhile, on another random island]

Ganondorf(p): I was engaged with Impa??

Ganondorf(f): Yeah, but then we broke up because she imprisoned me into the Sacred Realm after I forgot to put the toilet seat down.

Ganondorf(p): Oh.

Queenie: I don't want to interrupt your interesting conversation, but shouldn't we try to stop Zelda, Zelda and Sheik?

Ganondorf(f): Nah, don't worry. I hid Tetra pretty well. I doubt that they'll ever find her.

Queenie: If you say so.

Ganondorf(p): Come on, I think I'm right this time.

Voice: Most likely not!

Queenie: A mysterious and random voice? Again??

Ganondorf(f): Looks like a certain authoress is running out of new ideas . . .

Queenie: Do you think so?

Ganondorf(f): [suddenly wearing a pink dress] AAAAH!!! MAKE IT GO AWAY! MAKE IT GO AWAY! [is naked] GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK!!! [is in his normal clothes] Whew.

Voice: Ahem!!

All: Sorry mysterious and random voice!

Voice: Never mind, as I was going to say: I am Melian, the Maroon.

Ganondorf(f): Melian the Moron?

Voice: Maroon!!! God, why does this happen all the time??? I knew I should've chosen a different color. "Magenta, Hazel, Ocher", they said. But nooooo I had to go with maroon just because it was my current haircolor. ACK!!

- silence -

Melian: Anyway, call me Melian, the Maia.

Ganondorf(p): The what?

Melian: JUST MELIAN FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!

All: *blink* *blink*

Melian: Breathe in . . . breathe out . . . breathe in . . . breathe out . . . I came to help you, though I have the urge to leave again.

Queenie: No! Stay and have a cup of coffee!

Melian: You have coffee???

Queenie: Er, not at all but I thought it'd be a nice thing to say.

Melian: -_-

Narrator: And so Melian started to talk about the urge of their quest while Queenie decided to cut to another scene to avoid typing all the explanations. Because Queenie hates typing explanations, lazy bastard she is. Yes, one day she even-

Queenie: SHUT UP ALREADY!!!

Narrator: Did I mention that she's choleric too?

Queenie: AAAAARRRGGS!!! *strangles narrator*

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[meanwhile, on ANOTHER random yet rather evil island]

Zelda(p): CURSE THEM! CURSE THEM! CURSE THEM!

Zelda(f): And I thought my ancestors were supposed to be mature-

Zelda(p): Shut up missy!

Zelda(f): You're merely insulting yourself . . .

Zelda(p): ARGS!!

Sheik: Ladies, please! There's more important stuff to do!

Zelda(p): More important than what?

Sheik: More important than behaving like the foolish girlies you are.

Zelda(f): Why you little wannabe playboy-

SFX: CATFIGHT!!!

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[Yet another random island?? No wait, it's a raft! Floating all alone in the deep blue sea!]

Shneek: Help! Shipwrecked time traveller begs for HELP!!

- crickets chirp -

Shneek: AAAAAAAAA- wait. Since when are there crickets in the sea?

- silence -

- sharks chirp -

Shneek: Better. AAAAAAAAAAA- no, stop. Sharks can chirp??

- silence -

- sharks caw -

Shneek: Finally. AAAAAAAAAAAA- hey!! Sharks don't caw either!!

- silence -

- trumpets sounds -

Shneek: ENOUGH!!!!

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[Back to random island number two!]

Queenie: What are we waiting for anyway?

Melian: A ship of course!!

Queenie: Can't we just teleport?

Melian: Nuh! Teleporting is so out of fashion!!

Queenie: Er, right.

- sharks chirp -

Ganondorf(p): What's that???

Melian: Freddy, Eddy and Teddy. My chirping pet sharks.

Freddy: Arf! Arf!

Eddy: Meow!

Teddy: Mooooh!

Queenie: Aaaaaawwww, cute!!

Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): -_-;;;;;

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[the sea]

Link: I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!! Faster!! Faster!! WHEEE!!!

King of Red Lions: Actually we're just floating a few inches away from the shore.

Sailor Aries: *standing almost right beside them* Hellohoo! *waves*

Link: O_O?

King of Red Lions: The problem is . . well, I don't have a sail yet.

Link: Another funny quest to get you a sail??? ^^

King of Red Lions: No. *hands Link a paddle* Rowing!

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[random island number two]

Ganondorf(f): So when did you say this ship's going to arrive?

Melian: Erm . . .

- later -

Ganondorf(p): *yawn* I miss the good old times when walking was still an option . . .

- much later -

Queenie: Can we-

Melian: No!

Queenie: *sigh*

- much, much later -

Queenie: Can we-

Melian: I said NO!

Queenie: . . . ride the sharks?

Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): WHAT???

Melian: Brilliant!

Sharks: *chirp*

Ganondorf(p): But . . . erm . . . there . . . are . . . only . . . three sharks!

Ganondorf(f): Yeah, hehe . . . whew. Now that's a shame, isn't it?

Melian: No problem! *whistle*

Another Shark: *appears* Ni! Ni! Ni!

All: o_O

Melian: That's Beddy. The shark who says Ni!

All: *blink blink*

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[back at the random, yet rather evil island]

Narrator: After a decent beating the three girls-

Sheik: AHEM!

Narrator: -the two girls and the cross-dresser-

Sheik: O_O

Narrator: -decided to discuss their cunning plans of evil!

Zelda(p): I suggest that Zelda and I look for Tetra while you get the stones, cro-er, Sheik. Agreed?

Zelda(f): Agreed.

Sheik: Boreed.

Zelda(p): What?

Zelda(f): -__-

Sheik: Yeah, right. Agreed.

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[And Shneek's raft?]

Shneek: NOT AGAIN!!

Narrator: -shouted the shrink as he heard the approaching chirps of four sharks.

Shneek: Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it sto- what the???

Queenie: POPULATED RAFT AHEAD!!

Ganondorf(f): Stopstopstopstopstop!!

Ganondorf(p): How do I make this thing slow down???

Melian: I don't know!!

Shneek: OH MY GOD!

All: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

SFX: CRASH!! SPLASH!!! CASH!!

All: Cash!! Yay!!

SFX: Forget the last one!

All: Aaaawwww!!

Shneek: Great. You ruined my raft!

Melian: You scared my sharks!

Sharks: *chirp* *chirp*

Shneek: -_-;;

Queenie: *sing* I'm swimming in the sea, just swimming in the sea . . .

Ganondorf(p): Where am I?

Shneek: You're in the water, stupid.

Melian: He was talking about his future self.

Queenie: Yeah, where is he?

Ganondorf(f): Can't - swim - HELP! *drowns*

Melian: SOMEONE HELP HIM!!

Queenie: Wait, that doesn't make any sense. If you can't swim in the future - why can you swim now?

Ganondorf(p): *gulp* ACH! *drowns*

Shneek: Great Queenie, just wonderful!

Queenie: Oh shut up!

Melian: Freddy! Eddy! Teddy! Beddy! Safe him!

Freddy: Arf! Arf!

Eddy: Meow!

Teddy: Mooooh!

Beddy: Ni!

- one rescue later -

Ganondorf(p): *cough* *spit*

Ganondorf(f): *spit* *pant*

Melian: Everyone okay?

Queenie: Well . . .

Ganondorf(p): No.

Ganondorf(f): Nope.

Shneek: Absolutely not.

Sharks: *chirp*

Melian: THEN LET'S GO! [climbs Beddy's back and swims away]

Queenie: So be it . . . [climbs Freddy's back and swims after Melian]

Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): I hate this quest! [climb Eddy's and Teddy's backs and swim after the authors]

Shneek: And what about me???

Another Shark: *circles him*

Shneek: Oh good, another one. And he doesn't even chirp. Hey, Melian!! What's the name of your fifth shark??

Melian: *in the distance* Fifth shark?? Which fifth shark??

Shneek: Uh oh.

Another Shark: *grin*

Shneek: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

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[somewhere else in the sea]

Link:

Row, row, row your boat,

Quickly down the drain.

Merely, merely, merely,

Because my boat is vain.

King of Red Lions: WHAT THE-

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[Guess what? Bingo! Random island time!!]

Shneek: MY ARM!! WHERE'S MY ARM???

Queenie: In your pocket, idiot.

Shneek: *looks at his arm* Oooooh!

Queenie: -_-;

Ganondorf(p): Holidays at last!! Island! Sun! Palms! And-

Melian: -an awful lot of work to do.

All: WHAT????

Melian: Why do you think I brought you here??

Ganondorf(f): Boredom?

Melian: Er, yeah that too. But the main reason was-

Ganondorf(p): Guilt?

Queenie: Money?

Melian: No, stop it! Zelda, Sheik and Zelda are trying to unite with Tetra. We have to prevent that!

Ganondorf(f): I repeat: They won't find her.

Melian: Maybe not now, but sooner or later they will - trust me!

Queenie: So your suggestion is?

Melian: There's one way to stop them. Hyrule's ancient secrets are powerful. More powerful than the Quatroforce of Wisdom.

Ganondorf(p): *thinks* Please not a quest, please not a quest, please not a quest!

Ganondorf(f): *thinks* Please not a quest, please not a quest, please not a quest!

Queenie: *thinks* I'm hungry!

Shneek: *thinks* Where's my leg???

Melian: You have to go on a quest!

Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): NOOOO!!!

Queenie: Mmmmh, coconuts.

Shneek: Whew. It's right there, under my torso.

All: o_O

Melian: Done? Good. Then you can go and find-

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[Link? Linkyyy!]

Link: Oooooh, shiny!!

King of Red Lions: Yes, they are shiny as well. But most of all powerful. VERY powerful.

Link: But they're even more shiny than powerful?

King of Red Lions: Erm, well-

Link: Coooooooooooooool!

King of Red Lions: *sigh* You must find them, Link!

Link: And where are they?

King of Red Lions: Would I send you on a quest if I knew??

Link: Uhm . . . . . .

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[the random island I mentioned in the last scene]

Melian: I have to go now. Queenie, take this map and go to the place with the red X.

Queenie: But there are two red X's!

Melian: Er, the left one is just ketchup.

Queenie: Oh.

Melian: Ganondorf and Ganondorf, you stay on this island.

Ganondorf(f): Why??

Melian: Because I say so! And because the people here will be your guides!

Ganondorf(p): Remembering my past experiences I highly distrust `guides'.

Melian: Don't worry, you'll like them. C'mon Queenie, you can ride one of my sharks.

Queenie: Can I also-

Melian: No.

Queenie: Dang.

Shneek: And what about me??

Melian: I couldn't care less. Queenie?

Queenie: Melian?

Melian+Queenie: Galabazooooo!!!

Narrator: And together with Beddy and Freddy they rode off into the sunset. Or is it swam? Eh, whatever.

Shneek: Wait for meeeeee! *jumps onto Eddy and swims after them*

Ganondorf(p): Well.

Ganondorf(f): Well.

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[Link - 3 hours later]

Link: Uhm . . . .

King of Red Lions: THE ANSWER IS NO!!

Link: Oh.

King of Red Lions: Anyway, we're there.

Link: Where?

King of Red Lions: On another random island, or what did you think?

Link: Uhm . . .

King of Red Lions: Don't even start!!

Link: Okay.

King of Red Lions: The people on this island will help you.

Link: But I'm scared of random islands!

King of Red Lions: Trust me, you'll like this one.

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Now that was random. Island-wise at least. So who of you remembers Nathanael? Huh? Huh? Huh? Er, never mind. *runs away*