Fan Fiction ❯ The Real World: Teen Titans Style ❯ Feelings Can Be So Complicated.... ( Chapter 10 )

Ok! Like the other one was kind of forced and rushed don't you think? Yeah… I bring much disappointment to all… well… Here's the next chapter! I hope this one makes up for the ugly one I did for Chap 8. This one is quite long compared to the other ones. ^^ I just couldn't stop myself from typing. Enjoy?

 

Actually, she didn't know if she was supposed to be happy or afraid. Either one, they were just feelings right? Feelings, the beautiful things that Raven would sometimes long for, to become normal and feel normal things. But at the same time, those feelings were what Raven loathed, they would set her back, weigh her down from things she could never be able to do with feelings. For the most part at that time, she was happy, it might have taken her a long time to figure it out but now she knew, there was no other way to explain it and she was ready to accept it. Whether he liked her back or not, she knew now that deep inside, beyond the cold walls of her heart, burned a deep lust for her friend, Robin.

 

It had always been there but it just HAD to take all these events for her to notice it. She had noticed the slightest feelings for Robin ever since he had said those simple words: “We have a bond…” If he meant just friendship or something much more deep, she didn't know but it had always made her think about it. Now it was official, no matter how much she denied it, she liked Robin.

 

The walk back to the T-Cave was just as awkward and silent as the one she had with Robin after the incident. Knowing how her feelings were now didn't really help much either, it was so quiet, so embarrassing. Raven was blushing; it wasn't like she could control it. Everything was so sudden, but after a few days here, she was able to control herself. But she still couldn't keep herself from smiling from the moment she had with Robin.

 

It wasn't completely romantic; in fact, some of those hardcore romantics would probably scoff at its pathetic ways if they had seen it. It wasn't very rewarding either but something about sitting next to Robin on a soft, grassy hill, sky clear and the sun setting beautifully, made her the happiest she had been for a while. The soft taping of their shoes broke Raven from her tiny daydream. She noticed Robin turning his head, staring upon her face and grinning slightly before turning back to the road.

 

“You should smile more often, it makes things a lot more brighter, I like it a lot better than when you frown.” Robin casually said with the goofy grin still on his face. “You look very pretty when you smile.” Raven quickly retreated from embarrassment and covered her head with her cowl.

 

“Well take a picture, I'm not the type to smile, its only because Beast Boy isn't here to talk about rocks again.” Raven crossed her arms and lowered her head from Robin's view while she screamed to herself in her mind. “STUPID! Why can't you just take the compliment?”

 

“Hmm, maybe we should start taping Beast Boy's mouth and strap him to a chair then.” Robin chuckled. “Then you'd smile all the time, wouldn't you?”

 

Such flattery wasn't normal to Raven, and on top of it all, it was from Robin. She would have expected it from some gothic-wannabe geek hitting on her in the mall but Robin? Never. “Maybe he was just being nice.” She thought in silence. “There is no way in hell he'd mean anything when he said that I look …pretty. I mean… I'm dark, cold, mean, distant from everyone, and I would never consider myself pretty. Starfire was pretty. I'm just… Raven.” She reminded herself and soon the last drop of happiness floated away from her.

 

“Alright, I'm guessing that Cyborg's cooking today. I haven't smelled anything this appetizing since we got here.” Robin interrupted her thoughts again. “Come on, I can't wait to eat something other than Beast Boy's cooking.”

 

“Yeah…” Raven swiftly followed Robin, who was already jogging forward to the mouth of the cave.

 

As they both walked into the cave in silence, they were greeted by two angry glances from the table and Cyborg's happy “I cooked dinner” expression.

 

“Um… hi.” Robin waved to the welcome committee. Raven silently slipped behind him and made her way to the counter to help Cyborg with the food.

 

“Where have you and friend Raven been? Beast Boy and I were very concerned about your location!” Starfire angrily called out to Robin.

 

“Yeah dudes, you totally ditched us.” Beast Boy added.

 

“We ditched you? We were sitting on a hill, not more than 100 feet away and when we turn around, you guys were long gone.” Robin defended himself.

 

“Well why did you guys go on the hill in the first place?”

 

“You guys were bickering about vegetables and were about to crush each other with fungus! Did you expect us to be amused and watch you guys do that for half an hour?” Robin couldn't keep himself from yelling at his teammates.

 

“When did we argue about vegetables? We were arguing about fungus.” Beast Boy screamed back while Starfire watched and tapped the short boy on the shoulder.

 

“Actually, Beast Boy, we had a conversation consisting of vegetables AND fungus.” Starfire shrugged.

 

“SHH STAR! I'm on your side. Remember? You're supposed to agree with me!”

 

“OH, Yes, I am agreeing with Beast Boy. We did not speak of vegetables.” Starfire said, almost like a robot.

 

“Ok listen, this has nothing to do with vegetables or fungus, I don't see why you are all getting so upset and worked up about this.”

 

“Because this was supposed to be our date!” Beast Boy insisted again. “Not, let me talk about rocks for a sec and then leave forever.”

 

“UGH! THIS WAS NEVER A DATE! GET THAT IN YOUR LITTLE HEAD! YOU KEEP THINKING IT IS BUT ITS NOT! It wasn't a date, and it won't ever be one.” Raven let it all out, screaming at the top of her lungs. Another feeling she strongly felt today, anger, was pouring out with every word she spoke.

 

She had to admit it, it actually felt good to be able to express her fury like this, it was a whole lot better than keeping it inside, letting it build and then trying to forget about it by wasting time meditating for hours and hours on end. But like many things in the world, it comes with consequences; she didn't know that Beast Boy would take it so harshly. He immediately pushed back his seat, pushed pass Raven, and flew into his room. Cyborg gave her an “Ohhh, you shouldn't have done that” look, Starfire shrugged and Robin stared blankly at her. She kept looking back and forth between the three, hoping to get some support or advice but got nothing but winces and shrugs.

 

Raven finally swallowed her pride and headed for Beast Boy's room, hoping to explain it to him in some way. But, knowing how stubborn Raven can get, Robin jumped in front of her and blocked the entrance. “Maybe I should go talk to him, you go eat dinner.”

 

“Bu-” Raven began.

 

“Just let me handle it ok? Trust me.” Robin stared straight into Raven's eyes and gave her a determined look. “I'm the leader of this team and I have to do this, it's my duty.”

 

“U-… fine…” Raven sighed in defeat. She didn't really want to talk to Beast Boy anyway.

 

“Well, wish me luck.” Robin winced and walked into the cave as Cyborg and Starfire stared in silence, Raven had disappeared into her room.

 

 

Robin stumbled into the cave, Beast Boy's clothes were spread all over the floor, plates, pots and pans were thrown everywhere and he had made himself a bed out of leaves and clothes. Seems like he made himself at home. Beast Boy was huddled in the corner, quietly sobbing to himself.

 

“Um… Beast Boy?” Robin lifted a hand as he hopped over a few more pans.

 

“What are you doing here…?” Beast Boy sniffled and wiped the tears from his face, straightening his posture and tried to not embarrass himself in front of a boy.

 

“I've come here to talk to you. You know, man to man?” Robin laughed at himself for using those words.

 

“Well I don't want to talk, get out of here.” Beast Boy scowled and sniffled again. “This is all your fault anyway.” He suddenly jumped up and pointed at him with a plate.

 

“Whoa, hey, how is it my fault?” Robin defensively backed away.

 

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Beast Boy dropped the plate and stared cruelly at his leader.

 

“Well, whatever it is, you really need to relax okay? It's not the end of the world. Raven is like that, you should have known better to not mess with her that way.”

 

“What do you know? It's not like she hates YOU or anything.”

 

“Just because she doesn't like you doesn't mean she hates you. She was just a little ticked off that you kept referring the walk as a date.” Robin scratched the back of his head.

 

“But I did think it was a date… but then it ended up as a date for you two.” Beast Boy snarled.

 

“Whoa, when did we go on a date?” Robin took a few more steps back again.

 

“Oh like its not obvious. Where have you two been lately? You guys seem to be acting like old chums. You two were never this friendly with each other before.” Beast Boy crossed his arms.

 

“What are you talking about? The first time was because she got attacked, second was, we went training and the third one was because we were walking back from when you guys left us!” Robin counted off on his fingers.

 

“Oh yeah that really explains everything. Don't think I'm not onto you guys. I can see it. I can hear it. I can sense it all. Don't forget, I used to be an animal, and they have great senses.” Beast Boy sounded like he was just blurting out anything from that time on.

 

“I don't see what you're insinuating! Are you suggesting that Raven and I have some kind of relationship going on?” Robin involuntarily took more steps back as Beast Boy began becoming louder and more hostile than he had ever been before. Soon, he was already outside, in the living room.

 

“Yes! I am saying that! And I don't like it!” Beast Boy was officially, going crazy. “You two like each other, and I hate both of you!” He called from inside his room.

 

“WHAT? I DO NOT LIKE RAVEN! WHY IS EVERYONE SAYING THAT? DO I LOOK LIKE I DO?” Robin screamed, the only thing he could think of. Beast Boy was pushing him into the position, he had to either confess or lie miserably.

 

He denied it, but he knew that he was really lying. Sometimes, it takes someone to push information out of you and Robin had just figured out that he was beginning to like Raven very much, possibly too much. He couldn't help but think about it, he had been so defensive when they asked, he felt so weird near her and he was unable to keep himself from “flirting” with Raven. When they were walking back, he just couldn't stop himself from complimenting her smile; it was too true and too enjoyable to keep from telling her. He had wanted to see he smile again and he wanted her to know. But now, in front of everyone, he could have announced it, told his entire team and confessed his affection for Raven, but he chose to lie instead.

 

Starfire and Cyborg were by the table, eating their meal and staring at Robin screaming awkwardly. They couldn't hear what he screamed, only because they didn't care. Raven was in her room, changing her clothes for dinner when Robin's words echoed into her cave and rang in her ears. The only words she caught were: “I” “like” and “Raven.” Nothing, it was nothing. He probably said something like “I was outside, like Raven was too.” But then again, when she thought of the indistinctive words, two of them sounded like “Do not” and they came right after “I”. What did this mean? Robin didn't like her? Even though she didn't care before, saying those 5 words in her mind made her heart beat painfully. She couldn't stop herself from worrying about it.

 

It felt strange, even though she hadn't really heard it first hand and wasn't sure if that was what he really said, it hurt. It would have probably been just as painful if she had heard it straight from him. She didn't want to think about it but it wouldn't leave her. Robin didn't like her, and he had said it so loudly. She hoped it wasn't true, she really wished that he would at least like her as a friend. All her feelings were burning inside of her.

 

“It's for the best.” Raven whispered to herself. “This way, it won't interfere with my feelings, then if and when we get back to Jump City, I would still be the Raven I am now. I can't get used to these emotions anyway, then all my work to lock them inside would be spoiled…” Raven reassured herself, trying to numb the pain. “But at the same time…” She sighed and breathed in the musky air. “I think I really wanted him to like me back, ugh, what am I saying, I feel so pathetic. Emotions are nothing. They get in the way. Liking someone is nothing. It's all hormones.” She continued with it, as if it would stop her from hurting inside. It wasn't like he really said it to her face, and she wasn't even sure that he really said it but she still wanted to… cry.

 

Raven worriedly sighed and held her chest. Talk about heartbreak, and she thought that it was just all in the brains. Her heart did hurt; it almost felt like she was having a heart attack. She couldn't take it, and the atmosphere in her room wasn't make anything better; she breathed in deeply to calm herself and climbed out of the small hole in her room. The waterfall outside was pouring, just like it always did, sometimes so calming but now, it was as annoying as anything. She climbed over her cave and sat on the flattest part of the top of the T-Cave. The sky was dark and ominous clouds covered it, ready to pour rain down upon her head. This always happened, it almost seemed like it was on purpose. Most of the times, when she was sad or depressed, it would rain uncontrollably until she calmed herself. That didn't mean it rained all the time, she wasn't really as sad and depressed as she had always depicted herself to be. But now, with no doubt, she was just about to burst and so was the sky.

 

She had finally found something that would make her feel at home. She felt it when she sat ever so closely with Robin, she felt his warmth and found herself in the their old Tower again. The only home she had was the Tower, and now she had the horrible T-Cave with her terribly ventilated room and horrifying food. Whenever she was near Robin, she felt as if all the troubles were gone, and she was on top of the roof of the Tower. But now everything was shattered. Robin's wonderful image was changed, now she knew him as “The boy who didn't like her back”. But it didn't make sense. One second, he was watching the sunset with her and the next; he was yelling to everyone that he didn't like her. But when you're upset about things, you seem to lose control. It was enough to make her cry. She hadn't done it for a long time, and she had wanted to in so many occasions. She had felt so alone when she arrived here, she felt useless when she was attacked, she felt so frustrated when Beast Boy got so upset with her and now Robin didn't like her. She did cry, and even though she hated it so much, she enjoyed it. Just as she had thought, the rain began pouring down the instant her first tear was shed.

 

An unlikely thing Raven would do, but I felt like doing it. She had expressed love and anger, why not sorrow? Kind of long eh? Like I stopped at like 2 in the morning and I was like “whoa...This is long… O WELL!” and kept typing lol. Lol Well, Hope you liked this, next chapter will hopefully be coming soon! Love you guys! I love your reviews very much; they're helping a lot with my self-esteem and encouraging me to write more, for the most part lol. Ok! I bid you all…adieu.