Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ why, it suits my tan! ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: Like, I totally don't own Zelda or any related characters, you know . . .

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[in front of Zelda's castle]

Ravi: HEY! LOOK! WATCH! LISTEN!! HEY!!!

Ganondorf: What??

Ravi: Watch out, or the guards will notice that you're here!!

Ganondorf: If you go on screaming like that, they certainly will!!

Ravi: ^_^****

[Ganondorf hides behind a tree and watches the guards who're walking around in front of the entrance]

Ravi: Hey! Where's Link?

Ganondorf: I decided that it might be better and safer for him to stay at the market.

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[meanwhile at Hyrule Market]

Link: Nice chicken . . . . good chicken . . . vegetable-eating chicken . . . please don't kill me!!!!

Chicken: o_O

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[back to Ganondorf and Ravi]

Ravi: HEY!!! WATCH OUT!!! LOOK!!!

Ganondorf: WHAT????

Ravi: The guard over there!! He has seen you!!

Ganondorf: Damn!!

Ravi: He walks over to you!! He's almost there!!

Ganondorf: God, I'm dead, I'm dead I'm so totally dead!

Ravi: Quick . . . uhm . . . Imitate Link!!!

Ganondorf: What??????

Ravi: Imitate Link!!!

Ganondorf: I think this is not the right time to-

Ravi: JUST DO IT!!!

[Ganondorf puts on the pink dress and the blond wig again, just when the guard is close enough to see him]

Guard: Hey Miste . . . erm, WOW! I mean . . . hi!

Ganondorf: O_O

Ravi: Don't stare at him like that!!

Ganondorf: O_O

Ravi: Pretend to be a woman!!

Ganondorf: A woman?? Are you crazy??

Guard: Are you talking to me?

Ganondorf: (high-pitched voice) Uh . . . no . . . erm . . . hello, handsome!

Guard: *blush*

Ravi: See how it works!

Ganondorf: o_o*

Guard: I'm . . . I'm really sorry . . . you're actually not allowed to be . . . in the royal . . . I mean . . . what's your name?

Ganondorf: (normal voice) I'm the mighty Gano . . . erm . . . *cough* (high-pitched voice) I'm . . . erm . . . I'm Noodu . . . the Gerudo . . . the FEMALE Gerudo . . .

Guard: I . . . see your femaleness!

Ganondorf: (normal voice) WHY YOU LITTLE . . . . *cough* (high-pitched voice) I . . . mean . . . thanks handsome!

Guard: You know, you shouldn't be here . . . but . . . . I can't just throw you out, cause . . . . you're gorgeous!!

Ganondorf: (to Ravi) Help me!

Ravi: Dun dun dee . . . dun . . . . dun . . . . ladadee . . . did you say anything?

Ganondorf: (to Ravi) You'll pay for this!! (to the guard) And so are you, honey!

Guard: Wow, thanks! But . . . what's a Gerudo doing here . . . in this big castle . . . all alone?

Ganondorf: I . . . . was searching for a man . . . of course!

Guard: R . . . really?

Ganondorf: (thinks) must . . . kill . . . . Ravi!! (says) Sure! Seems as if I've already found the right one!

Guard: YAHOO!!!! *cough* I . . . I mean . . . may I show you my room . . . erm . . . my castle . . . eeeerm . . . the castle?

Ganondorf: Of course! I'd love to see your roo, erm . . . the castle!

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[same time, Hyrule Market]

Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!!!!!!!!!! [running around in circles]

Chicken: o_O****

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[a little bit later, in the guard's cast, erm . . . room, Ganondorf and the guard are sitting on a couch]

Guard: Noodu . . . sounds a bit like . . . . nude! [moves closer to Ganondorf]

Ganondorf: [moves away from the guard] My mum's idea. Not mine.

Guard: Your mum . . . is she . . . as sexy as you are? [moves closer]

Ganondorf: [moves away] Depends.

Guard: You don't talk much. So . . . why don't we just skip the talking and . . . [moves very close]

Ganondorf: [couch ends and he can't move anymore] Actually I really like to talk a lot and-

Guard: KISS ME!!!

[he wants to kiss Ganondorf, but Ganondorf jumps up and takes off the wig and the dress]

Ganondorf: THAT'S IT! Being killed can't be as disgusting and terrible as this is!!

Guard: Uhm . . .

Ganondorf: Don't look at me like that!! I'm not Noodu, the female Gerudo! I'm Ganondorf, the evil MALE Gerudo King!!!!

Guard: . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: . . . . . . .

Guard: You're so sexy when you're furious!!

Ganondorf+Ravi: O_O************************

Guard: Will you kiss me now?

Ganondorf: *twitch*

Guard: Honey?

Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! [thunder, lightning, scream]

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Guard: Does this mean yes?

Ganondorf: NO!!!!!

[Ganondorf grabs a chair and knocks the guard unconscious]

Ravi: ^_^

Ganondorf: Why are you looking at me like that?

[Ravi tries to hold it back, but eventually breaks out in laughter]

Ravi: EEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!! *cough* Noodu!!! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Great, honey!! EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!! King of the Drag Queens!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: (thinks) DIE! (says) DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

[he grabs the chair again, hits Ravi and sends her flying right outta the window]

Ravi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: So much for that . . . .

Voice1: (outside) I think it's here!!

Voice2: (outside) What happened?

Voice3: (outside) I heard voices coming from Greg's room!

Voice1: (outside) I could hear them too!!

Voice2: (outside) Let's go and check!!

Ganondorf: *sigh* Today's just not my day . . .

[to save his poor ass Ganondorf jumps outta the window and lands right in front of . . . . ]

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Chapter 9 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Cliffhanger - the cliffy evilness and

Queenie û