Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ milk on da wall, yo! ( Chapter 13 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The Disclaimer Scene:

Queenie: Uhm . . . . anybody here who wants to kill me?

[silence]

Queenie: Nobody wants to kill me?

[silence]

Queenie: Awesome! So, in this chapter Link is going to-

Akila: MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Queenie: Uh oh.

Akila: ^_^

Queenie: Hi . . . uhm . . . . are you here to kill me?

Akila: Am I supposed to?

Queenie: *shrug*

Akila: Kay. Want some pot?

Queenie: *GASP* POT IS EVIL AND ILLEGAL!!!

Akila: Uhm, yeah. Want some?

Queenie: Sure! ^_^

Akila: But first - let's continue the fic!

Queenie: Hey! That's MY line!

Akila: So what? [holds up an axe]

Queenie: Uhm, nothing. [backs away]

Akila: HEY!!!

Queenie: Uh . . . yeah?

Akila: Where's MY money?

Queenie: Money, shmoney, yadda, yadda . . .

Akila: WHAT?? [holds up the axe]

Queenie: Erm . . . erm . . . have a cookie!! [gives Akila a cookie]

Akila: YAY!! ^_^

Queenie: Anyway . . . on with the fic!!

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[somewhere near LonLon Ranch]

Link: Da dee . . . dun dun da . . . . de dun dun . . . la da dee . . . .

[a Stalchild appears and walks up to him]

Stalchild: Grrrr!!

Link: Got a cookie?

Stalchild: Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill!

Link: Coooooooooooooooooooookie?

Stalchild: kill . . . . kill . . . . kill . . . kill . . . .

Link: Mommy?

Stalchild: Where?? [turns around]

Link: [hides behind a tree]

Stalchild: HEY!

Link: You'll never get me, evil dishwasher!!

. . . . . . . . . . .

Stalchild: Dishwasher?

Link: 99 bottles of milk in the fridge, 99 bottles of milk. If I drink a-

Ghoma's ghost: HEY!! THAT'S MY SONG!!

Link: Uhm . . .

Stalchild: ROOOOAAAAAAAR!!!!! [he disappears in the ground and re-appears in front of Link]

Link: EEKS!!!!

Stalchild: MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[the Stalchild wants to kill Link but suddenly Epona appears out of nowhere and tramples it down]

Stalchild: Ow. Definitely ow! [disappears]

Epona: *neigh*

Link: Are you . . . . A COOKIE?

Epona: -_-**

Link: Yay! Huge cookie!! [grabs Epona's tail]

[Epona neighs and runs away. She drags Link with her, because he doesn't let go of her tail]

Link: RUNNING COOKIE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Epona: -___________________- *****

[Epona runs and runs and runs and runs until she reaches Goron City, where she drops Link]

Link: BOTTOM OWIE!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Epona: -_-**** [runs away]

Link: Cookie!!! Waaaiiiiiit!!! [he wants to run after her, but . . . . ]

Kaepora Gaebora: HALT!

Link: o_o

Kaepora Gaebora: See the hole over there?

Link: My cookie!!!!!!!!!!!

Kaepora Gaebora: -_-*

Link: *sob*

Kaepora Gaebora: Link, listen!

Link: *sob*

Kaepora Gaebora: Link, it's important that you-

Link: cookie . . . gone . . . . beautiful . . . cookie . . . . gone . . .

Kaepora Gaebora: LINK!!!!!

Link: no . . . more . . . . cookie . . . . for . . . . Linkie . . . .

Kaepora Gaebora's belly [Ravi]: Hey, Link! Wanna know how to get a cookie?

Link: Cookie?? YAY!!.

Ravi: Your turn!

Link: Cookie? Cookie? Cookie?

Kaepora Gaebora: Okay, okay! Do you see the hole over there?

Link: Yes. Cookie now?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. You have to go inside-

Link: And then I get a cookie?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. This hole is the entrance to Goron City.

Link: And there are cookies?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. In Goron City you have to find the leader of the Gorons-

Link: And he'll give me a cookie?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. His name is Darunia. And I heard that the Gorons have a problem with their food supplies-

Link: Cookies?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. The Gorons eat rocks. But the cave in which they keep their rocks is barred-

Link: With Cookies?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. Anyway, you have to find a way to open the cave and then-

Link: I'll get a cookie?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. Inside the cave there might be an evil monster and-

Link: It will give me a cookie?

Kaepora Gaebora: NO! NO! NO! GODDAMMIT!!!! NO COOKIES!!!! JUST GO THROUGH THE BLOODY HOLE ALREADY!!!

Link: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kaepora Gaebora+Ravi: -_-***

[apparently a Goron heard the noise and came outside]

Goron: Wazzzzzzzuuuuuuup?????!!!!

Link: Wazzzzzuuuuuuuuup????!!!!

Ravi: Wazzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuppppp????!!!!

Goron,Link+Ravi: WAAAAAZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPP????!!!!!!

Kaepora Gaebora: o_o**

Goron: Yo bro, how r ya doin?

Link: Groovy, bro!

Goron: My name's G-ron, the Goron, yo!

Link: Sweeeeeeeeeeet!

Kaepora Gaebora+Ravi: -_-*

Kaepora Gaebora: Excuse me, Mister G-ron. But this boy needs to talk to your leader.

G-ron: Big bro has joined da DAFT.

Ravi: Oy.

G-ron: Hey yo! Ya belly's talkin!

Kaepora Gaebora: Erm . . . that is a long and very complicated story which you most like will not understand.

G-ron: Eh?

Kaepora Gaebora: Just what I thought . . .

Ravi: Smart ass!!

Kaepora Gaebora: [swallows bomb]

Ravi: D'OH!

- BOOM! -

Ravi: Ow . . .

Kaepora Gaebora: *burp*

G-ron: Freaks. [walks away]

Link: Waaaaaaiiiiiiiit!!!

G-ron: Eh?

Link : Cookie ?

Kaepora Gaebora+Ravi: -__-***

G-ron: Da cookies r in da cave - da cave is clozd.

Kaepora Gaebora: Da cave is clozd?

G-ron: Ya know, da rockz r in fron o da cave.

Link: Eat `em.

G-ron: Yooooo, sweeeeeeet!!! [he runs away]

Kaepora Gaebora: ?____?

Ravi: The Goron said that there are rocks in front of the cave and Link said that they should eat the rocks in order to get into the cave.

Kaepora Gaebora: . . . . .

Ravi: Get that?

Kaepora Gaebora: Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!

Ravi+Link: o_O*

Kaepora Gaebora: Uh, I mean - bye! [flies away]

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[meanwhile in the Temple of Time]

Ganondorf: [is still unconscious while Saru-Saru tries to drag him away]

Saru-Saru: This time he shall be mine!!! MWEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHE!

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[back to Link who's standing in front of Dodongo's Cave, besides a few overeaten Gorons who are lying there]

Link: Cookie? Cooooooookiiiieeee????!!!!

Voice: RRRROOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Cookie?

[and then King Dodongo stepped out of the cave]

King Dodongo: YOU ATE MY DOOR!!!!!!

Link: o.o

King Dodongo: NOW I WILL EAT YOU!!!!!

Link: O.O

King Dodongo: RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: MOOOOOOOMMYYYYY!!! [skyrockets]

. . . . . . . .

King Dodongo: Damn.

. . . . . . . .

King Dodongo: Oh well . . . then I'll just eat these Gorons. [starts to eat the Gorons]

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[30 minutes later Link lands on the ground]

Link: OWIE! OWIE! OWIE! OWIE!

King Dodongo: Ugh . . . *cough* *hack*

Link: o_O

Kind Dodongo: Eaten . . . all . . . . Gorons . . . too . . . much! Will . . . . DIE!

Link: Have . . . . cookie?

King Dodongo: ACK! [dies from engorgement]

Link: Still . . . . no . . . . cookie?

[NO! But then . . . .]

DAFT: DAFT TO THE RESCUE!!!

Gamer Kid: It is I again!

Darunia: And I!

Gamer Kid: But mostly I!

Darunia: I came to rescue my people!!

Link: They've been apple eaten.

Darunia: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . .

Gamer Kid: Always remember that you have to breathe!

Darunia: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . . *GASP* . . . . right.

Gamer Kid: Well . . . .

Darunia: Anyway . . . . . WHAT'S THAT??? [points at King Dodongo]

Link: Goron eater!

Darunia: He . . . . ate . . . my . . . . people?

Link: Yup-a-dee!

Gamer Kid: o_O

Darunia: FOR THIS HE SHALL BE EATEN!!

Gamer Kid: Dinner! Yay!

DAFT: DAFT - UP UP AND AWAY!!! [they grab King Dodongo, raise their hands and fly away]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Link: [looks around and sees a bomb flower] Pretty cookie!!! [grabs it]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

- BOOM!!! -

[. . . . and the explosion sends Link flying into the air]

Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

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Chapter 13 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Caroline's Crispy Chocolate Cookies and

Queenie û