Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ music! funeral! laaaaaaaaaaaaa! ( Chapter 15 )

The Disclaimer Scene:

Queenie: Let the games begin!!

TheOminousWriterofDoom: Hey! There's blood on your shirt!

Queenie: Uh, that's ketchup.

TheOminousWriterofDoom: And what happened to your devoted assistants?

Queenie: Erm . . . they . . . . left.

TheOminousWriterofDoom: Oh. Just wanted to know. Well, anyway. Bye then!

Queenie: See you!

TheOminousWriterofDoom: [walks away]

Queenie: They . . . . left - for good. MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

TheOminousWriterofDoom: [comes back] Did you say anything?

Queenie: No, why?

TheOminousWriterofDoom: Never mind. Er . . . bye. [walks away again]

Queenie: Now where was I? Oh, right! MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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[Remember when the explosion sent Link flying into the air? Well, that's where he is - still]

Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- SPLASH!! -

Link: Eeeeew! Water!

Kaepora Gaebora: It's not water.

Ravi [still in KG's belly - of course]: It's fish pee.

Link: O_O

Kaepora Gaebora: I actually wanted to say that this is a holy liquid created by the power of the Goddesses, but . . . .

Ravi: ^_^**

Link: Can I get a cookie here?

All: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Aaaaawww!

Kaepora Gaebora: See the bottle on the ground?

Link: Uhm, yes.

Kaepora Gaebora: Dive down and take it!

Link: Uhm, no.

Kaepora Gaebora: You're the Hero of Time - you have to!!

Link: No.

Kaepora Gaebora: Get it . . . . please!

Link: No.

Kaepora Gaebora: Big please!

Link: No.

Ravi: There's a cookie in it!

Link: YAY! [he dives down and gets the bottle]

Kaepora Gaebora: Smart ass.

Ravi: ^_^

Link: HEY!! No cookie!!! Just a chair stupid message chair!!

Kaepora Gaebora: What does it say?

Link: *shrug*

Kaepora Gaebora: Well, then read it!!!

Link: READ??? [faints and sinks]

Kaepora Gaebora: OH NO!!! IT SINKS! IT SINKS!

Ravi: It?

Kaepora Gaebora: The bottle!

Ravi: o_o*

Kaepora Gaebora: [grabs the bottle just before it sinks with Link]

Ravi: SOMEBODY HAS TO RESCUE LINK!!!!

. . . . . . . .

Kaepora Gaebora: Uhm . . . .

. . . . . . . .

Ravi: Whatever. So what does the message say?

Kaepora Gaebora: [reads] Everybody who reads this message is sincerely invited to the funeral of Ruto, princess of the Zoras.

Ravi+Kaepora Gaebora: FUNERAL OF RUTO????

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[meanwhile, at Zora's Domain]

Zora1: Hey, what's that? [pulls Link out of the water]

Zora2: Looks like a Hylian.

Zora3: Cool! Let's eat him!

Zora1: Why don't we enslave him?

Zora2: Because he's dead . . . isn't he?

Zora1: We could do PMS!

Zora2+3: PMS???

Zora1: Uhm . . . or was that CPR?

Zora2+3: -_-*

Link: *coughspitcough*

Zoras: He's alive!!!

Link: Are you cookies?

Zoras: . . . and he's dumb!

Kaepora Gaebora: [appears] Link! You're alive!!

Zoras: THE BIRD OF DOOM!!! RUN!!!!! [they run away]

Link: Bird of chair doom?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[a few years ago, at Zoras Domain]

Zora1: Look! It's a nice and friendly bird!

Zora2: Aaaw, it looks so cute!

Kaepora Gaebora: I am cute.

Zora3: Wow!! It's talking!!

Kaepora Gaebora: And do you know what's even cuter?

Zora1: Your little furry animal friends?

Kaepora Gaebora: No. THIS! [pulls out a machine gun]

Zoras: O.O

Kaepora Gaebora: DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!! [shoots around like a maniac] MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kaepora Gaebora: *blush* I have NO idea what they are talking about!

Link: Me hungry.

Kaepora Gaebora: Heroes are not destined to be hungry!!

Link: Me hungry. Me want cookie.

Kaepora Gaebora: THERE ARE NO "§%$&§&/$/ COOKIES IN HYRULE!! NOW STOP THAT OR I'M GOING TO %R%/&$(&/% YOUR PITYFUL %$/(&&%(%(%$)!!!!!

Link: o.o

Kaepora Gaebora: Feels good! ^_^

Link: o.o

Kaepora Gaebora: Anyway, your next task is to go to Ruto's funeral and find out what happened.

Ravi: Maybe Ruto died . . .

Kaepora Gaebora: -_-*****

Ravi: ^_^

Kaepora Gaebora: Uhm, whatever. Farewell! [flies away]

Link: . . . . . . . . .

Zora2: Is it gone?

Link: Huh?

Zora1: The bird of doom . . .

Zora3: . . . did it leave?

Link: Are you cookies?

Zoras: -_-**********

Zora1: Hey! We're late! We're going to miss Ruto's funeral!

Zora3: Let's hurry!!

Zora2: And what about the deranged Hylian?

Zora1: *shrug*

Zora3: Should we take him with us?

Zora2: I guess that's the best thing to do.

Link: Funeral? Will I chair get a cookie chair there?

Zoras: *sweatdrop*

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[later, at the funeral]

Link: [who spotted a small aquarium with a trout in it] Yummy!! Tasty trout!! [he grabs the trout and wants to eat it]

Zora2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [slaps Link]

Link: Owie!!

Zora3: What happened??

Zora2: He wanted to eat our king!!

Zora1: Your majesty! Are you okay?

King Zora: I'm fine, but who's this boy?

Zora2: He's a deranged Hylian, your majesty.

King Zora: Ooooh, I haven't had any visitors since . . . .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Zora1: Your majesty! A visitor!

King Zora: He may enter!

Fierce Deity: [enters]

King Zora : Very well, how may I help you ?

Fierce Deity: Your daughter . . . . she has a secret admirer.

King Zora: A secret admirer? Why, that's marvellous! RUUUUUTOOOO!!!!!!!!

Ruto: What is it daddy?

King Zora: You've got a secret admirer!

Ruto: REALLY?? YAY!!! Who is it?

Fierce Deity: THIS [pulls out a bazooka] is your secret admirer!!

Ruto: O.O

Fierce Deity: MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH A! [shoots Ruto]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

King Zora: Anyway. Let's start the ceremony.

[music starts to play, the Zoras start to sing]

Zora1: Our lives were wasted,

Zora2: And so bad it tasted,

Zora3: Ruto - a victim,

Zora1: Of an evil crime,

Zora2: Now she is gone,

Zora3: And it's . . . . . . . . .

All: CELEBRATION TIME! [music gets louder]

Zoras: CEEEEEEEELEEEEEEBRATION TIME, COME ON!! CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEEEBRATION TIME, COME ON!!!!

King Zora: Happiness - got rid of the brat!

Zoras: CEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEBRATION TIME!!!

King Zora: Cause I knew we'd never frat!

Zora1: Frat?

King Zora: Fraternize . . . you know.

Zora1: Yeah, whatever.

Zoras: CEEEEEEEELEEEEEEBRATION TIME, COME ON!! CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEEEBRATION TIME, COME ON!!!!

King Zora: She annoyed us 24/7!

Zoras: CEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEBRATION TIME!!!

King Zora: Now she's dead and we're in heaven!!!

Zoras: CEEEEEEEELEEEEEEBRATION TIME, COME ON!! CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEEEBRATION TIME, COME ON!!!! [music stops]

King Zora: *sob* That was the most *sob* beautiful funeral I've *sob* ever seen!!

Zora1: And now let's burn her coffin.

Zoras: Yay!

[but suddenly . . . . the coffin opens and . . . . ]

All: RUTO?????????

Ruto: I'm back! ^_^

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!

King Zora: But . . . . but . . . . I saw how you were shot and . . . . and . . .

Ruto: Yeah, but I heard a song.

All: You did what??

Ruto: Well, I heard music and your voices . . . . you were singing a song.

King Zora: But why are you alive???

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[sometime earlier, somewhere at Zora's Fountain]

Fairy: Howdy! I'm the fairy of strange abilities!

Ruto: Uhm, hi.

Fairy: Give me your brain and I'll give you a strange ability!

Ruto: Uhm, okay.

Fairy: Looks like you won't miss it at all!

Ruto: Uhm . . .

Fairy: -_-*

[she casts a spell]

Fairy: Fine. Now you're blessed with the ability to rise from death whenever you hear a song.

Ruto: Uhm, cool!

Fairy: And now BEAT IT!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ruto: Well, that's a long story.

King Zora: I guess I don't want to know. Say, where's the deranged Hylian?

Ruto: Who?

Zora1: I think he went to Zora's Fountain.

King Zora: Why?

Ruto: Who?

Zora2: I guess he wants to fight Barinade.

Ruto: Who?

Zora3: The deranged Hylian.

Ruto: All Hylians are deranged . . . so could you be a bit more precise?

King Zora: Uhm . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ruto: *yawn*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

King Zora: Er . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Zora1: I'm off to eat breakfast.

Zora3: Anybody up for coffee and cookies?

Zoras: YAY!!! [they walk away]

Ruto: Anyway, I guess it's time for me to feed Lord Jabu Jabu.

King Zora: As you wish, my dear. But don't come back too early!! Or better don't come back at all! *wave* Byyyeeee!!

Ruto: -_-

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[later, at Zora's Fountain]

Ruto: Maybe I should go and see this strange fairy again . . .

Lord Jabu Jabu: AAAAAARGS!!!!!

Ruto: Lord Jabu Jabu!! What's wrong with you?

Lord Jabu-Jabu: I feel sick! MY STOMACH! AAAAAARGS!!!!

Ruto: Uhm, want a glass of water?

Lord Jabu-Jabu: -__-*

Ruto : Sorry . . .

Lord Jabu-Jabu : I think . . . . I gotta . . . .

Ruto: No! Oh no! Nonononono! Big no! I forgot my umbrella!! AAAAAAHH!!!

Lord Jabu-Jabu: [opens his mouth and spits out Link and Barinade]

Link+Barinade: EEEEEEW!!! FISH SPITTLE!!!

Barinade: The pain! The horror!! I'm allergic to saliva! I . . . . will . . . . *die*

Link: Yay! Victory!!!

Ruto: *blink* LINK???? Is it really you???

Link: Are you a cookie?

Ruto: Linky-winky!! I'm so happy to see you!! And I thought you might have forgotten it!!!

Link: Forgotten chair what?

Ruto: Our wedding!!

Link: O_O

Ruto: Remember . . . . when you promised to marry me?

Link: O__O

Ruto: Hey! Don't look at me like that!

Link: O___O

Ruto: You promised to marry me!!!

Link: AH!!! DID CHAIR NOT!!

Ruto: YOU DID, LINKY-WINKY!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ruto: Do you promise?

Link: No.

Ruto: I'll give you a shiny, blue stone if you do!

Link: Okay.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Link: Drats.

Ruto: I'm sure that my daddy will arrange a beautiful wedding for us! ^_^

Link: *sob*

Ruto: Now come with me, Linky-winky!! [hugs Link and kisses him]

Link: YIKES!!! FISH KISS!!!! [faints]

Ruto: Aaaaw, you're so cute!! [drags him away]

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Narrator: After that Hyrule became a different place. The great Hylian hero had disappeared. Well, in fact the villain was missing too. But . . . . a new evil was lurking ahead!

The years were passing by and nobody could give an answer to the question that was wandering around in the mind of almost every Hylian; Where can I buy cheap socks for my father's birthday?

Queenie: WRONG QUESTION!!!

Narrator: Oh, erm . . . sorry! The question was - of course; Is Hyrule doomed to go down?

Nobody knew. They actually didn't care very much at all. Either way they could do nothing but wait. And wait. And wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wai-

Queenie: WE GET THE POINT!!

Narrator: Okay! FINE! I'M OFF!! [stomps off]

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Chapter 15 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Auntie Anna's Aquarium Bazaar and

Queenie û