Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ IL COMMERCIALE!! ( Chapter 17 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The Disclaimer Scene:

Ganondorf: THAT'S JUST EMBARASSING!!!

Suddenly appearing choir: Come on Ganey, do it for the money!

Ganondorf: -_^

Queenie: Pleeeease!! Big Please!!

Ganondorf: What do I get in return?

Queenie: Money?

Ganondorf: Useless.

Queenie: Slaves?

Ganondorf: Don't need them.

Queenie: Uhm . . . I'll bake you a cake?

Ganondorf: DEAL!! ^_^

Queenie: Really? Wow. Cool!! Okay then-

Voice: *cough* *cough*

Queenie: Oh yeah, sorry. Allow me to introduce our devoted assistant for this chapter; The mysterious and random VOICE!

Voice: Morning!

Queenie: So . . . let's get it on!

Voice: Triforce Pictures proudly presents;

*~*~*~*~*~* THE CRAZY COMMERCIAL CHAPTER*~*~*~*~*~*

[[[Commercial 1]]]

[we see Rauru in the Temple of Time, suddenly a Hylian runs in]

Hylian1: Oh mighty Rauru!! Ganondorf has returned!! He has captured Link and the 6 Sages!! You are the only one that can save us now!!

Rauru: I'll be right there!!

[he wants to run outside but gets stuck in the doorframe]

Rauru: Args! Damn! I can't move!!

Hylian1: Oh no!

Hylian2:He is too fat!!

Hylian3: Now we're all gonna die!!

Hylians: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Rauru: *sigh*

[the scene freezes]

Voice: Does this look familiar too you? Well, of course it does. Nowadays more and more people have problems with their weight. But that's not necessary! Try Drinc! [holds up a bottle] Drink Drinc before you eat and you won't feel hungry anymore!!

[throws bottle into the scene as it un-freezes]

Hylians: HURRAY! WE ARE SAVED!!

Voice: Buy Drinc - the ultimate diet-drink!

[cut to Link]

Link: Drinc - because Link drinks Drinc!

Voice: BUY IT NOW!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[[[Commercial 2]]]

[somewhere in the dessert, Ganondorf is lying on a bed, dressed up as a baby. He's screaming as Twinrova enters the room]

Twinrova: Come to mommy my little Ganny-boy!

Ganondorf: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Twinrova: Aaaw, what is it Ganny-boy? Is there something wrong with your diaper?

Ganondorf: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Twinrova: Do you want your little stuffed horsy?

Ganondorf: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Twinrova: Or are you angry about that nasty Kokiri who didn't let you play with his Triforce?

Ganondorf: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Twinrova: [to the camera] *sigh* That's him - my little Ganny-boy. He's a really cute King-of-Evil-to-be and such a lovely child! But sometimes I just don't know what to do with him . . .

Voice: Have you ever tried Satanyc?

Twinrova: Satanyc? What's that?

Voice: That's the new special baby food for male Gerudos!

Twinrova: Wow! I didn't know that there's such a thing!

Voice: I'm glad I told you! Because Satanyc consists exclusively of organic ingredients, such as corn, fruits, vegetables, sand, cows, soil or Zoras.

Twinrova: I'm amazed!

Voice: You should be! I mean . . . we really know, that male Gerudos might be an uncommon thing, but they are still picky brats who need their food just like anybody else!

[Twinrova feeds Ganondorf with a green, dirty mash]

Twinrova: So little Ganny-boy, how do you like this?

Ganondorf: ^_______________^

Voice: Satanyc - for that special smile on your baby's face!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[[[Commercial 3]]]

[at Lake Hylia, Ruto is swimming there as Link enters the scene]

Link: Ruto!! I gotta talk to you!!

Ruto: What is it? Do you want to dump me again?

Link: Far from it!! I finally realized that I love you!

Ruto: ^.^

Link: And I want to marry you! Now!!

Ruto: ^_^

Link: A priest is waiting for us at the Temple of Time! Come on!!

Ruto: O_O

Link: What . . . what's wrong? Don't you love me anymore??

Ruto: No!! I still love you!! But . . . but . . .

Link: Please! Come with me!! I love you so much!!

Ruto: Link, I'd love to!!! But I can't leave this lake . . . it's . . . it's . . . I can't . . . . I don't . . .

Link: I understand. Well then . . . goodbye. And I really thought that you were the one for me.

Ruto: NO! Link! Please don't go!!!!

Link: I'm sorry. [walks away]

Ruto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[screen goes black]

Voice: Things can go terribly wrong without a proper moisturizer! Buy Moist & Go - and this will never happen to you!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[[[Commercial 4]]]

[Darunia is sitting in his room, apparently bored]

Darunia: *yawn* *sigh*

Goron1: [enters the room] Darunia! We ran out of stones! We're gonna starve! Do something!

Darunia: [shrugs] Don't care . . .

Goron1: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! [runs away]

Goron2: [enters] Darunia! Volvagia is back! We're gonna die! Do something!

Darunia: [shrugs] Don't care . . .

Goron2: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! [runs away]

Goron3: [enters] Darunia! Link is fighting against Ganondorf! He won't be able to win the fight all alone! Do something!

Darunia: [shrugs] Don't care . . .

Goron3: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! [runs away]

Saria: [enters] Darunia! I've recorded a CD! You can buy it now! Do something!

Darunia: A new CD????

Saria: Wanna hear a little sample?

Darunia: ^_^

Saria: Well, here we go!!

[plays a song on her Ocarina, Darunia starts to dance like a maniac]

Saria: Did you like it?

Darunia: Awesome!!! Well, gotta go! I still have to get food for my people, kill a dragon and rescue Link! So . . . bye!!

Voice: Hey! Didn't you forget a thing?

Darunia: Huh?

Voice: You still have to buy THIS CD! [holds up a CD]

Darunia: Oh yeah, sure!! ^_^

Voice: Wooden Rhythms - Volume 3. Groovy Music from the Lost Woods! The best tunes you'll ever find!

Darunia: That piece is hot!!

Voice: Wooden Rhythms - to make your life lively again!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[[[Commercial 5]]]

[Scene; Ganondorf and Link - The Final Battle]

Ganondorf: Surrender!

Link: Never!

Ganondorf: Then you shall die!! MWAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . .

Link: o_o

Ganondorf: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . A . . . *cough* *cough* AHAHA . . . *cough* *cough* *cough* . . . . HAHAHA . . . . *cough* *cough* *cough* . . . .

Link: That's not your day, is it?

Ganondorf: SHUT UP! PREPARE TO FEEL MY WRATH!! MWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . AHA . . . . *cough* . . . AHAHAHA . . . *cough* *cough* . . . . drats . . . *cough* *cough* [has a fit of coughing]

Link: o_o*

Voice: Did you forget to take your cough drop?

Ganondorf: *cough* *cough* Huh? *cough*

Voice: Lozen-Gee is newer, tastier and better than any other cough drop!

Link: It is?

Voice: Yes! With Lozen-Gee you'll win the battle . . .

Link+Ganondorf: YAY!!

Voice: . . . against your cough!

Link+Ganondorf: -_-*

Voice: Lozen-Gee - the goody for you and your throat!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[[[Commercial 6]]]

[we see Koume and Kotake in front of a gigantic washing machine. In the machine there are clothes and . . . Nabooru?]

Nabooru: Get me outta here!!

Kotake: I hate that stupid brat!!

Koume: Don't worry! After the spin cycle she will be our new mind slave!

- later -

Koume: How do you feel, my dear?

Nabooru: /(/(%&&%"§&%)(&=)"§$%&/()=?`?=)(/"§$%&am p;/()(/&%§$%)=(/&!!!!!

Koume: Is that a proper way to address your new mistress???

Nabooru: Go to hell!!

Koume: Kotake!! The brainwashing didn't work!!

Kotake: Koume! Look at our clothes! They're still dirty!!

Koume+Kotake: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Voice: Good afternoon, beautiful ladies!

Koume: Are you talking . . .

Kotake: . . . to us?

Voice: Why, of course!! It seems as if you're having troubles with-

Koume: Everything went wrong!!

Kotake: We're miserable witches!!

Koume+Kotake: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Voice: You are not!! It's not your fault!!

Koume: It is . . .

Kotake: . . . not?

Voice: No! And I can help you!! Take this!! [hands them a box]

Koume: What's . . .

Kotake: . . . that?

Voice: That's Clear Cheer! The brand-new and completely improved detergent for clothes, brains and small mammals!!!

Kotake: And you think . . .

Koume: . . . this will solve our problems?

Voice: I don't think, I know!! Just try it!!

Kotake: Uhm . . .

Koume: . . . okay!

- later -

Kotake: Koume!! My pants!! They are so white! They're shining even brighter than the Triforce!!

Koume: Indeed! And look at her!!

Nabooru: [blank gaze] How may I serve you?

Kotake: That's just . . .

Koume: . . . excellent!!

Voice: It's better than excellent! It's Clear Cheer!! Available in your local drugstore - now!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[[[Commercial 7]]]

[Lon Lon Ranch, everything seems to be normal. Suddenly Link appears and he's seriously injured]

Link: Aaargs!! [breaks down]

Malon: Link!! Oh my Goodness!! What happened???

Link: I . . . came to . . . tell you that . . . . I love you but . . . . Ganondorf's minions . . . . attacked me . . . AARGS! THE PAIN!!

Malon: Talon!! Ingo!! We need some milk!! QUICK!!!

[Ingo rushes into the stable and Talon runs into the house]

Malon: Don't worry! Everything will be alright!!

Link: When this . . . is over . . . I want . . . to marry you!

Malon: Aaaw, that's so sweet! You'll be okay - I promise!

Ingo: The cows!! They're dead!!

Malon: Oh no!!

Link: Aaaargs!!!

Malon: Don't give up!! There's enough milk in the fridge!!

Talon: Our milk!! It's sour!!!

Malon: O.O

Link : I . . . can . . . no longer . . . . AAAAAAAAARGS!!! [dies]

Malon: Link? [shakes him] LINK???

Talon: The only guy in this world who loved you . . .

Ingo: . . . is dead.

Malon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO!!!!!

[screen goes black]

Voice: Got milk?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter 17 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Drinc and

Satanyc and

Moist & Go and

Wooden Rhythms - Volume 3 and

Lozen-Gee and

Clear Cheer and

Milk and

Queenie û