Fan Fiction ❯ Twisted Spirit ❯ Chapter 1

Ummm… I wrote this a few nights ago. This is not how I really feel, and I do have a loving home and parents. I was just having one of those famous teenager mood swings, being thirteen going on fourteen, you know? So, don't take this seriously, and if you know me personally, DON'T GET WORRIED!!!!! Now…. I kinda can't say enjoy… but whatever.

Twisted Soul

Dying for affection

Sickened by the lengths to which I think I'd go

A weak spirit, putting on a pessimistic mask in a desperate attempt for compliments and affection, some hint to know I really matter, that I'm not invisible, unimportant, a shadow where none belong.

Wishing to help improve the world, yet being unable, secretly unwilling, to do so.

Seeing people kill each other, dying of hunger, when in fact there is plenty for all.

Selfishness, greed, hatred for things not understood.

The belief that you are right, all others wrong.

Saying you care, that you want to help, yet deep down hearing that tiny voice saying, "What about me? I want things too!"

Degrading yourself so you can hear others say, "That's not true!" not caring whether they mean it or not, just yearning to hear the words themselves.

Disgusted by my behavior, hating more that deep down I don't want to change.

The mask of confidence is only that, a mask.

A costume in a greater play, one where a personality is shown, a personality you are not sure is truly who you are, hiding the turmoil deep inside, giving no hint of the inner battles fought every day, no hint of the self control needed to keep the darker side from rearing its ugly head.

Pretending not to care about others' opinions, yet really crying out, "What am I doing?"

Seeing others turn away, whispering, spreading lies, ignoring screams of, "NO! Don't leave me here!"

Trying to escape the harsh reality through broken dreams, books, and TV, locking yourself in the prism of your own mind, a labyrinth through which no light mill enter, yet with its own special corridors for doubt and pain.

Knowing that everything you care for,

Everything you love will one day leave.

Knowing this, and afraid to let anyone or anything get too close,

Afraid to lose what you'll never have.