Fan Fiction ❯ Untitled, for now ❯ One-Shot

A/N: I OWN NOTHING!!!!!! Also, ~(insert text here)~ denotes singing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

6:30 AM

United States, CIA HQ

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

I'm Agent WD-40. I'm a spy for the United States. I've just been called to the head executive director's office for a new mission. I sure hope it will be a good mission.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

6:45 AM

United States, CIA HQ, Head Executive Director's Office

*knock knock knock*

"Come in."

"Um, yes. I was told to come for me- Jordan?! You're the new head executive director of the CIA?!"

"Um, yes. I don't actually have your new mission. You're to come with me to the White House where the new President will give you your new mission."

"Cool."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

8:00 AM

United States, White House, Oval Room

"Well, we're here."

"Man, I need to get caught up with the times here in the old United States. I've been away so long I don't know what's going on anymore. Shoot, last I knew some old geezer was head executive director of the CIA. When do we get to meet the President?"

"Here she comes now."

"Summer?! Summer's the President now?!"

"Ms. President, meet Agent WD-40."

"Ah, yes. Your mission is to go to southern Asia and infiltrate their government. Sorry, had to sound really important. Never know where the press is. You have to find out if they have any valuable resources and how their population and food supply is doing. You will meet with your partner, Agent Antifreeze, at the airport where a helicopter will take you to South Asia."

"Okay. I'm off."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

8:15 AM

United States, outside White House

"So that's what she's up to now."

"That's what who's up to?"

"Elliot, get out of that tree!"

"Why should I? This is why I'm called Agent Treeclimber."

"Ugh."

David goes over to the tree and shakes Elliot out of it.

"Owww! What did you do that for?"

"Stay out of the trees. Come on, let's go to South Asia. We've got to get that information before Brandy does."

"'Kay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

9:00 AM

Cairo, Egypt- the Palace

We see a large city along the Nile River. It is surrounded by desert. In the palace grounds, a funeral for the recently deceased pharaoh is taking place.

"We are here today to mourn the loss of our great pharaoh. Our queen mourns most of all. To show her mourning, we must shave off her eyebrows. Your Majesty, would you please come forward? Umm… Queen Kasey? Where are you?"

Kasey runs from the back of the crowd to behind the palace.

"They're not going to shave my eyebrows off!"

"There she is!"

"Aaaaaack! I'm getting out of here!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

9:00 AM

A cave in Afghanistan

We see a cave in a desert. There are a few trees near the cave. DJ is in the cave. He has a newspaper spread out on the floor. A lantern is hanging from the cave ceiling. There are various weapons scattered around the cave.

"Who should I terrorize next? Eeny meeny miny mo… the Prime Minister of Pakistan! Isn't that Ross? This'll be fun!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

9:30 AM

A village in Ethiopia

We see a small village in a rain forest. Two Ethiopians are fighting near a cliff. There are other Ethiopians doing various other things. All of the homes are made of adobe.

"Aah! Hah! Hiyah!"

*smack*

"Owww. Hey, whoa, whoa, ack, aieeeee!"

"Ms. Tiffany, someone just fell off the cliff!"

"Don't `Ms. Tiffany' me. I can't do anything about it. Why did I ever offer to be ambassador to Ethiopia? I should've been ambassador to Canada or somewhere else closer to home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

9:45 AM

China, Emperor's Palace

In China, we see a large city. The streets are filled with traffic and people. There is a large palace in the center of the city. Inside the palace, Spencer is lounging in the throne room.

"Ahhh, time for my mid-morning snack. Chadyn, get in here!"

"Yes, Emperor Spencer?"

"Fetch me something to eat."

"Yes sir."

Chadyn leaves the room. He returns carrying a steaming bowl.

"Here you are."

"Oatmeal?! I hate oatmeal! Arrgh!"

Spencer dumps the oatmeal on Chadyn's head.

"Now get me some real food."

"Yes sir."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

10:00AM

Islamabad, Pakistan

A large city is seen. There is minimal traffic. Inside the capital building, Ross is lounging around in an oversized office chair.

"Yay! I'm the Prime Minister of Pakistan! Underling, fetch me some American water!"

"*grumble grumble* Yes sir."

"Bwahahahahaha! This is so fun! You! Go on the roof and do the monkey in your underwear!"

"*grumble grumble grumble* Yes sir."

"Hehehe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

10:10 AM

Delhi, India

A large, mostly deserted city is seen. There are some people standing around. Some people come running down the road, yelling their heads off.

"Oh no, it's the bike gang again! Run for cover!"

"Aaaaaaaahhh!"

"What's going on?"

"It's Kourtney's bike gang again."

"Oh jeez."

"Aaaaaaaahhh! I'm getting out of here!"

"Yea, run! Get out of my way!"

A bike gang led by Kourtney speeds by, ignoring most bystanders. Some cops are chasing them.

"You on the bikes! Pull over and get off the bikes with your hands up!"

"Don't think so!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

10:15 AM

Another side of Delhi, India

We see some more of the large, mostly deserted city. There is no traffic. Nobody is around except Niki.

"Do de do de do…..."

Niki walks into an alley behind a restaurant. Some guy comes out of the restaurant.

"Here's today's lunch."

"Thanks."

Niki eats some food that the guy brought out of the restaurant. She then walks across the road. The people who were running down the road earlier came running down the road again. The sound of motorcycle engines can be heard coming closer.

"Yeeee-haw!"

"Wooo-hooo!"

"Get out of the road, you hobo! Move!"

"Hey! Leave me alone! Because… ~I will survive! I will survive! As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive! I will survive! I will survive!~"

"Oooooookay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

10:30 AM

Yet another side of Delhi, India

We see yet some more of the large, mostly deserted city. Corey is lying on the ground. There is no one else around.

"I am soooooo hungry. I haven't eaten in weeks."

Corey is unable to move because he hasn't eaten in several weeks.

"Uuunnh."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

11:00 AM

Somewhere in the Thar Desert

We see a house in the middle of a large desert. There is an oasis nearby, and there are trees all around. Paul is seen outside the small house singing.

"~I'm happy, I'm feelin' glad!~"

*ring ring ring*

"~I've got sunshine in a bag!~"

*beep**Hi. If you're hearing this message, I'm probably outside singing. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I stop singing.**beep*

"*Paul, pick up the phone!!!*"

"~I'm useless~- oh jeez!"

Paul runs the house to answer the phone.

"Yea, who is it?"

"*It's Brandy. We're going to need to land a helicopter in your yard.*"

"Okay. Should I paint it blue?"

"*It's not necessary, but if you really want to, you can.*"

"'Kay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

12:00 PM

Somewhere in the Thar Desert

A helicopter is coming in to land near a small house. Paul is standing in the only clear landing spot in the entire yard.

"Hey Paul, get out of the way!"

"Ack! Uh, I mean, whee! The helicopter's going to land on me! He he!"

"Move or when this helicopter lands I'll get out and kick you Buddhist butt so hard you'll turn Hindu!"

"'Kay."

The helicopter lands. Me and Kim get out of the helicopter.

"I didn't know Kim was an agent."

"Yup. She's Agent Antifreeze."

"Look! The yard! I painted it blue!"

"Aaaaanywaaaay....... to the Spymobile! We're off to..... ~see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!~ I mean, we're off to ..... uh..... where are we going again, Kim?"

"We're going to New Delhi, India, to find out about their resources."

"Oh."

"Well, come on, let's get going!"

We all get in a black limo. Paul is driving. All of you reading this, you probably think I'm crazy. Oh well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

12:30 PM

Islamabad, Pakistan

We are driving through a large city. There is light traffic. The capital building is right in front of us.

"Hey, wait a minute! This isn't New Delhi, India! This is Islamabad, Pakistan! Paul, you idiot! Hey, look out, you're going to drive straight into that-"

"CRASH!!!!!!!"

"Hey, there's a car in my office!"

"Ross is the Prime Minister of Pakistan?! Jeez, and I thought Paul being a Buddhist was bad."

"Come on, let's get out of here before the cops come!"

Paul puts the car in reverse, pulls out into the street, and speeds off, still going in the wrong direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

2:00 PM

A cave somewhere in Afghanistan

We stop beside a cave in the middle of a desert. There are a few small trees around. No one seems to be around.

"What in the world? Paul, where are we?"

"Uhh..... by a cave?"

"Ugh. Couldn't you have turned around in Pakistan when we were going the wrong way before?"

"Umm...... ~I've got sunshine in a bag!~"

"Hey Kim, do you think I should kill him now?"

"How should I know?"

For no apparent reason whatsoever, Paul blows the car horn. DJ comes out of the cave. We all get out of the car.

"Who's out there?"

"DJ?"

"What are you doing in a cave?"

"I'm a terrorist with a cellphone! Could I get a ride to Pakistan?"

"Sure, if you want to drive."

"Whee! Everyone, to the Spymobile!"

Everyone gets in the car. DJ kicks Paul out of the driver's seat. Two people are seen on the other side of DJ's cave. One of them is in a tree.

"Come on Elliot! Get out of the stupid tree!"

"You can't make me, David!"

"Oh yes I can!"

David shakes Elliot out of the tree. Elliot hits the ground, rolls for a few feet, then falls in DJ's cave. DJ jumps out of the car and pulls out a sub-machine gun.

"Hey, get out of my cave!"

DJ runs into his cave. He comes out pulling Elliot along, then shoots Elliot in the foot.

"Now stay out of my cave!"

"Whoa, whoa, DJ. We didn't mean nothing by it. Sheesh."

Elliot gets up and starts doing the chicken dance.

"~Cheep cheep cheep, flap flap flap, wiggle wiggle wiggle, clap clap clap!"

"Ooooookay."

"Come on! let's get out of here! You coming, DJ?"

"Yea, sure."

DJ jumps in the car and speeds off, leaving David and Elliot eating dust. David is beating Elliot over the head with a handgun. Elliot is doing the chicken dance while his foot bleeds heavily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

3:30 PM

Islamabad, Pakistan

Driving through Islamabad, we see a few people walking around. There is a fruit stand near the capital building. The hole in the building is still there.

"Hey, what happened to that building?"

"That's where Paul crashed earlier."

"Oh."

"Oh, that's gross. There's a guy on the roof doing the monkey in his underwear."

"Ewwww."

"Why were you coming here in the first place, DJ?"

"I'm going to throw up on the prime minister. Then I'm going to kill him."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"I'm all for it."

"Woo-hoo! We're going to kill Ross, and then, I'm going to paint him blue!"

"Oooookay."

DJ drives through the hole in the building that Paul made earlier. We all get out of the car. Just then, Tiffany shows up with a grenade launcher.

"Oh look. Semi-sane people."

"What's your problem, Tiffany?"

"Ethiopians are my problem."

"Hey, want to help us?"

"Help you what?"

"First, DJ's going to throw up on Ross. Then we're all going to kill him."

Kim holds up a handgun. Paul holds up a double-barrel shotgun. I hold up a sub-automatic machine gun.

"Sure, I don't have anything better to do. Someone call Summer and tell her I'm not going back to Ethiopia."

"Umm, okay."

"Hey, you can blow up the building after we make our getaway!"

"Okay."

Ross comes in the room. DJ walks over to Ross and upchucks on his head. Suddenly, David and Elliot come in. Elliot's foot is heavily bandaged.

"Double-O Zero, Treeclimber, what are you doing here?"

"Ahh, WD-40, Antifreeze, I might ask the same of you."

"Drop the hostility and kill Ross already!"

David pulls out a sniper rifle. Elliot pulls out a chicken. We all shoot Ross. The chicken runs over and sits on Ross's head. Paul pulls out a can of blue paint and dumps it on Ross. Elliot starts doing the chicken dance again. Kim shoots Elliot. Elliot goes to pull out a gun, but instead pulls out his small intestine.

"How dare you shoot me! I will shoot you! Ooops, that not my gun."

"Ewwww."

"Come on, let's go!"

Me, Kim, Paul, DJ, and Tiffany all get in the car. DJ puts the car in reverse, makes a new hole in the building, collides with the fruit stand, and speeds off toward India. The sunroof of the car opens. Tiffany sticks her head out of the car, then launches a grenade. The building becomes a crater. David and Elliot are trailing us in a pedicab. Elliot is crying about his chicken.

"So, DJ, Tiffany, want to join our group?"

"Sure."

"~You got to fight, for ya right, to parrrrrrrrrr-tay!~"

"Paul, DJ, shut up."

"~You got to fight, for ya right, to parrrrrrrrrr-tay!~"

"Oh boy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

4:00 PM

Cairo, Egypt- the palace

Inside the palace, the ceremony leaders have chased Kasey into the throne room. There is no exit, save a window with a 40- foot drop to the ground.

"Kasey, we must shave your eyebrows off!"

"Get out or die!"

Kasey grabs a handheld missle launcher and chases the ceremony leaders out of the palace. Suddenly she sees JT standing around by the palace gates. She walks over there and they talk for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

5:00 PM

Delhi, India

We pull into a large, mostly deserted city. There are a couple of cars on the road. There is no one else in sight. We pass a sigh that says `Welcome to Delhi'.

"Aaaaaaargh! This is Delhi, not New Delhi!"

"Deli? I'm starved!"

"Oh boy."

"There's somebody coming to the Spymobile!"

Corey crawls to the car. We all roll sown our windows and look at him.

"Please. Please..... give.... me..... some..... food.... uuuunh."

"Is he dead?"

"I dunno."

Paul gets a stick and pokes Corey repeated times with it. Corey doesn't move. Tiffany grabs Kim's handgun and shoots Corey.

"Well, if he wasn't dead before, he is now."

Tiffany shoots him again. Everyone else sighs. DJ backs the car up, then runs over Corey.

"He's definitely dead now."

"~Come my lady, come come my lady, be my butterfly, suga, baby.~"

"Oh brother."

"~I see skies of blue.....~"

"Paul, shut up before Tiffany kills you, too."

"~One, two, three, four, get ya woman, on the floor.~"

"Shut up."

*silence*

"Thank you."

"Hey, what's that?"

"Looks like a bike gang..... led by..... Kourtney?!"

"Go Roadspike!"

"Shut up, Paul."

Kourtney and her bike gang pull up beside the car.

"Hey, you in the car, get out!"

"Make me, Korky."

I roll down my window. Kourtney shoves a cattle prod through the open window. I shove the sub-automatic machine gun through the window.

"Oh jeez, don't shoot! What the-?! You guys? Why are you here?"

"No time to talk. If you want to help us, fork over some weapons, and if you see David and Elliot, don't let them through here, `kay."

"Sure."

Kourtney forks over a baseball bat and a stun gun.

"~Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!~"

"Baseball bat over your head, you mean!"

*crack*

"Owwww."

Kim cracks a baseball bat over Paul's head.

"Now he'll shut up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

5:30 PM

Cairo, Egypt- the palace

We see JT lounging around the throne room of the palace in Egypt. He is obviously extremely bored. He decides to call the servant in.

"Servant boy, get in here!"

"Ugh. I don't want to."

"Will, get in here right now!"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Don't `Your Majesty' me. I, JT, am the almighty pharaoh of Egypt! Now do jumping jacks until you pass out."

Will begins doing jumping jacks. Kasey comes in the room.

"I am so bored. I know! Will, go to India and kill someone."

"Okay."

Will leaves. JT decides to raid the fridge. Kasey goes outside and puts up a sign that says `Keep Off Grass'.

"I'm still bored. Do de do de do....."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

6:15 PM

Delhi, India

We all get out of the car, taking with us our weapons (except for Tiffany, who is leaving her grenade launcher in the car). We leave the car near the airport and walk around town. Paul drags into a random restaurant. We all sit down.

"Welcome to Peking Moon. What may I get you?"

Paul orders chicken chow mein and sweet and sour pork. The rest of us pass.

"There's a lot of Chinese influence around here."

"Yea, too much."

"Your food, sir."

"Thanks."

Paul begins eating, then spits his food out.

"What is this, cat?"

"Probably."

"~There's a cat in the kettle at the Peking Moon-~"

*crash*

Tiffany smashes Paul's plate over his head, then we all run out, ignoring the bill.

"Eeny meeny miny mo..... I'll kill Kim!"

"Will?!"

Will starts chasing Kim down the road with a taser. Fortunately for Kim, he can't aim. We follow them to the airport, where we all board a helicopter. Will and Kim are beating each other up, grabbing anything nearby to fight with.

"~I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, woooo, I am for real, never meant to make ya daughter cry, I apologize a trillion times.~"

"Aaaaargh!"

"Oh brother."

"Please. Shut. Up. Paul."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

7:00 PM

Cairo, Egypt- above the palace

We are in a helicopter above a palace in Cairo, Egypt. Will and Kim have been fighting for half an hour. Both are heavily bruised. Both their noses are bleeding.

"This is getting out of hand."

"Let's get out of here."

"Hi everyone."

"David? Elliot? What are you doing here?"

"Aieeeeeeee!!!"

If you haven't already guessed, that was Elliot falling out of the helicopter. The rest of us, excluding Will and Kim, grab parachutes and jump out. When we land, Elliot goes and climbs a tree. Kasey and JT come out of the palace.

"That's Will's helicopter! He came back!"

Kasey pulls out the handheld missle launcher and blasts the rotors off of the helicopter. Just then, she accidentally fired the missle launcher again. The missle collided with the ground. The force of the mini-explosion sends Kasey flying into a wall.

"Blondes will be blondes, eh David?"

"I..... owww..... heard that..... owww."

"Hey, that reminds me of a joke! What do smart blondes, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus all have in common?"

"What?"

"They're not real!"

"Elliot, get out of the tree."

JT begins throwing rocks at Elliot, who is still in the tree. Elliot falls out onto the grass.

"Hehehe."

"Hey! Get off the grass!"

Kasey pulls out the handheld missle launcher and blasts Elliot with it.

"Well now....."

"I'll never walk on that grass....."

The helicopter had crash-landed in the desert neat the palace. Kasey blasts the helicopter with the handheld missle launcher again.

"Hey, David, since both Kim and Elliot are dead now, you want to just help each other instead of being rivals?"

"Sure."

"So..... how are we getting back to India?"

"You really don't like Will, do you?"

"No."

"~I've got sunshine in a bag!~"

Kasey bashes Paul in the head with the handheld missile launcher.

"Owwwww."

"Hey, let's all take a plane to India! Come on, it'll be fun!"

"I've been around you people too long."

We all go to the airport. We all even manage to get past security, despite the fact that all of us except JT are carrying weapons.

"~Cause I'm Slim Shady.....~"

"Hand me that stun gun."

"~Yes I'm the real-~"

I zap Paul with the stun gun.

"That'll shut him up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

7:45 PM

Delhi, India- airport

We arrive at the Delhi airport. We all get off the plane and are walking through the security gates.

"Well, here we are."

*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP*

"Oh no."

"Hey, get out of the security gate!"

DJ gets out of the security gate. Kasey blasts the gate with the handheld missle launcher.

"That should take care of that."

"Yup."

We proceed outside. We stand around for a little while, wondering where to go next.

"You know, I've noticed that there aren't really that many people here."

"Yea, I know."

"Food for a poor hobo?"

"Yipe!"

"Niki? You're a hobo?"

"Yep. Can I come with you guys?"

"Sure."

"Let's all sing! ~I will survive! I will survive! As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive!~"

Me, Kasey, Paul, and DJ join in. David, JT, and Tiffany give us funny looks.

"~I will survive! I will survive! As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive!~"

"They're weird."

"They've always been weird."

"That's true."

We pass the Peking Moon that serves cat. Spencer and Chadyn come out of the Peking Moon.

"It's the emperor of China! Kill him!"

Unfortunately, all of our guns are out of ammunition, Kasey used the last missle in her handheld missile launcher blowing up the security gate at the airport, and Tiffany's grenade launcher was in the car.

"Oh no! We could never have this opportunity again!"

"Shoot!"

"Where's Paul?"

"~I've got sunshine in a bag!~"

Paul comes down the road driving a pedicab.

*thump**thump*

Paul runs over Spencer, then turns around and comes back.

*thump**thump*

Paul runs over Chadyn. He then pulls out a taser that he took from Will on the helicopter earlier. He uses the taser to thoroughly charbroil Spencer, then Chadyn.

"Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Ooooooookay."

"~I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy!~"

"Riiiiiiiight."

"There's the Spymobile. Let's go."

"Maybe we should find a hotel for the night."

"Yea."

Kourtney and her bike gang pull up.

"Hey, it's boring around here. Can we go with you guys?"

"Sure."

Well, we all found a hotel and checked in for the night. Niki was happy because she actually got a bed. Paul was happy because they weren't serving cat. JT was happy because they had cable TV. DJ was happy because Ross was dead. Kasey was happy because Will was dead. David was happy because Spencer was dead. I was happy because I could be. Tiffany was happy because she wasn't in Ethiopia. The owner of the hotel was happy because he had customers. So we were all happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

8:00 AM

Delhi, India- hotel

Well, once we were all up, we piled in the car, this time with Tiffany driving.

"Hopefully Tiffany won't crash into anything."

"Huh?"

"Well, Paul crashed into the capital building in Islamabad, Pakistan, then DJ drove through the hole Paul made then made a new hole beside it."

"Oh."

"Yea, oh."

"~Brass monkey, the funky monkey!~"

Everyone sighs. DJ joins Paul in his singing.

"~Brass monkey funky, the funky monkey!~"

"Ugh."

"It's no use telling them to shut up, because they won't."

"Are we there yet?"

"~This is the song that never ends.....~"

"~99 bottles of beer on the wall.....~"

"~I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves.....~"

"Are we there yet?"

"~Yes it goes on and on my friends.....~"

"~99 bottles of beer.....~"

"~Everybody's nerves.....~"

"Are we there yet?"

"~Some people started singing it not knowing what it was.....~"

"~Take one down.....~"

"~Everybody's nerves.....~"

"Stop touching me!"

"~And they'll continue singing it forever just because.....~"

"~Pass it around.....~"

"~I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes..... da da da.....~"

"~98 bottles of beer on the wall.....~"

"And I thought I was annoying....."

"No talking."

"Who cut the cheese?'

"Oh jeez."

"Roll down some windows!"

"Hehehe."

"We're acting like seventh graders."

"So?"

"Good point."

*thump**thump*

"I think Tiffany ran over something."

*flick*

"Don't flick me!"

*punch*

"Owwwww."

"Ha ha."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

8:30 AM

New Delhi, India

We all get out of the car. Tiffany has a murderous look in her eyes. We all avoid Tiffany. We go into India's national information center.

"Excuse me. What kind of resources does India have?"

"We don't have any resources now. We used to have wheat, rice, peanuts, peppers and other spices, tea, cows, sheep, goats, cotton, jute, and timber. But now we have none of those."

"How about your population?"

"India used to be home to more than one billion people. That massive population has dropped to a few wealthy people, several middle-class people, a handful of hobos, and a bike gang."

"Oooooooookay, how about the food supply?"

"We cannot grow our own food. We must import food instead. We are greatly in debt to China, whom we get most of our food from."

"Um, what about the economy?"

"There is no economy. Any money earned in the stores or restaurants is sent to China to repay them for food given to us."

"Okay. Thanks."

We all leave the information center. Most of us are now annoyed.

"What a waste of time."

"Two agents got killed just to find out that India has no resources, no food, no economy, and a very low population."

"The only good things that have come out of this are that Ross, Will Spencer, and Chadyn are dead."

"Don't forget Corey."

"Well, yea."

"And I'm not in Ethiopia anymore! Yay!"

"Riiiiiiiiight."

"What do we do now?"

"I dunno."

"Hey, do you know what's weird?"

"No, what?"

"Here, we can speak some Indian language fluently. In Pakistan we could speak some Pakistani language fluently. The same goes for when we were in Afghanistan and Egypt. Why is that, anyway?"

"Huh. I don't know. That is weird."

"~I've got sunshine in a bag~….. and I painted in blue!"

"Okay, that's it!"

Kourtney gets on her motorcycle and runs over Paul. Kasey then pulls out the handheld missile launcher and blasts Paul with it.

"That'll definitely shut him up."

"Ha ha, ha, ha ha ha, ha ha, and ha."

"Ooooooookay."

"Should we go back to the United States or something?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Well, let's go."

So we all go to the airport. We all get on a plane and go to the United States.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

10:00 AM

United States, White House

After we got off the plane, we all went to the White House to report to Summer about India.

"Well, Summer, India has nothing worth taking, and Kim and Elliot are dead."

"Yea, we heard they were killed by some lunatic in Egypt with a missile launcher."

"*snicker**snicker*"

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing."

"*hehehe*"

"I absolutely am not going back to Ethiopia!"

"Why?"

"They're all crazy."

"Oh. Okay."

Just then, someone walks by pushing a cart holding the charred remains of three people.

"What was that?"

"The charred remains of Kim, Elliot, and Will."

"Will?! Arrrrrrgh!!!!"

Kasey pulls out the handheld missile launcher and blasts the cart. Then, for no apparent reason, she runs outside and blasts several national monuments, a couple of trees, and someone walking out of the Library of Congress.

"I thought that thing was out of ammo."

Everyone else shrugs.

"Guards, get a straitjacket."

"And I thought Paul was nuts."

"This isn't good."

"Is there anything good about a trigger-happy blonde with a missile launcher?"

"David, shut up."

"Well, is there?"

Kasey chucks the handheld missile launcher at David's head. It bounces off his head and fires again, putting a big hole in the roof.

"I wonder who I charge for damages."

Everyone runs out of the room.

"Ummmm, guys? Hello?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

Sometime the next week

H'ville, NC

And thus ends our mission. We all took a vacation from our work. Well, all except Kasey, who was thrown in the Looney Bin for destroying half of D.C. The rest of us threw parties, stayed up late, went places, and did some other stuff. DJ decided not to be a terrorist anymore. He is in training to be a spy for the United States. Tiffany decided to work for the FBI. Niki got a job working as a secretary for Summer. Kourtney took up motorcycle racing. JT went back to Egypt. And we were all happy (except for Kasey, who was locked in the Looney Bin and wanted her handheld missile launcher back).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

Epilogue

The Looney Bin

Well, we all went to the Looney Bin to see Kasey. We all get bored. All the people who died come in the room. We all get in a line and do the can-can while singing the Oscar Mayer Wiener song. Then, a checkered dance floor, a disco ball, and spotlights on the floor appear. Niki and the bears from Dr. Doolittle 2 come out and start singing I Will Survive. The lights go out. We all start singing Men in Black. Will tries to act like Will Smith. Kasey pulls out the missile launcher and blasts him. Then we all go back to singing I Will Survive. Paul falls off the stage. We all stop singing and laugh.