Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ Akirame Norwen ❯ Sehnsucht ( Chapter 37 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter 37: Something I wish I had

Just as the figure reached out to touch her, her eyes opened and the dream dissolved
away. “Great, another one of *those* dreams.” she thought to herself as she rolled over to stare at
the ceiling. “That would make this one what, lucky number four or so?”
Another one of those few dreams that were so vivid and lifelike that they were beyond
unnerving. They were downright eerie and the sort that one spends entire hours trying to
decipher. Akira felt like she had already spent too much time trying to figure out what her own
dreams meant. They seemed pretty significant, but the images and scenes were often surreal, and
more often than not things that she’d rather not be foreshadowing of real life. Images of Riku’s
death, Erik’s restraining hold and two mysterious characters... then again, with all the things
she’d been through already, wouldn’t it make sense to give up and accept that she was some sort
of crazy oracle who could foretell the future in her sleep? “Wonderland logic” she dubbed it, for
her travels seemed to rival Alice’s in a way. So maybe she wasn’t being told cryptic rhymes by a
cat whose face was permanently affixed in a creepy ear-to-ear grin, but her best friend and now
possible love interest being from another time period.... a nice even tie.
“SHUT UP ALREADY!” she screamed at her mind, tired of narrating her thoughts.
“Tumbled down the rabbit hole, that’s what I’ve done. I listened to Riku’s rants and arguments,
followed him blindly, and now I’m in a crazy place with crazy people... or is the correct word
mad? I should just take up an English accent and try to reason with chess pieces... oy. Enough of
this stupid high-IQ thinking...” she rolled over back onto her side and tried to come up with
something else to think about until she drifted off to sleep again.
Behind her Riku gave a deep sigh and shifted. “Dang, he’s still here? Figure he would’ve
retreated back to his own room by now.. Oh well, his company is a comfort. Now, what to mull
over...” her mind floated towards Riku. Just the little things, for starters... like his profile, his
hair, the way he always carelessly tossed his shoes and socks off, ugly, worn-down, hole-filled
socks which would crawl under tables, beds and other various upholstery of their own accord,
probably trying to hide from their own scent... she stuck her tongue out at the thought of
following him all day long with a can of Lysol, trying her darndest to sanitize his feet and
anything they’d touched. “Stop thinking about those feet already, what else about him?” his
hands. Big palms, long fingers, rough and calloused... but always warm, like when he had held
her hand or cupped her cheek.
She shivered and rolled over again, and now was facing him... or at least his back. He was
at least a good foot taller than her, and was by far stronger than her..... how much would it take
for him to raise a hand and send her flying across a room? How did she know he wouldn’t do that
if provoked or angered? She may have lived with him... but something told her that she had only
seen one side of him, that she had only seen one side of the card.
And then... was it smart to get attached to him anyways? If he did in fact end up leaving
her like her father had, whether by his own doing or not, the pain would be less if she weren’t
close to him. Then again... if he did indeed leave, would she forever regret that she had not taken
the chance, and had allowed herself to love him? Was she going to get any sleep at all tonight?
Now having worked herself into a frenzy and fully awake and frazzled, she sat up and ran
a hand through her hair. Surprisingly, Riku had slept through her whole struggle. “Wonder how
he does it.... everything that’s been thrown at him, and here he is, sleeping soundly, peacefully
even. Man, that is just so *unfair*!” she thought.
A throbbing pain had settled into her left temple, and she put a hand to her head. Her
brain had had enough of her panic, and was eager for her to shut up and give it a rest. “This ain’t
gonna go away...” she crawled to the edge of the bed, slipped out through the curtain and walked
over to her backpack, which was settled on a nearby chair, in all its travel-worn glory. She
rummaged through it, found her small bottle of Advil, and headed towards the bathroom,
stopping to squint as she flicked on the lights and was blinded. She walked across the stylish
marble floor, picked up a polished glass from the counter and filled it with water. She took a sip
before popping the pills into her mouth, swallowed, put the glass back down, sighed, stared in the
mirror. “Man, I look wasted.” She said aloud in a tired, cracked voice.
She felt oddly secure, standing alone in the bathroom with the door closed. Completely
relaxed, she found herself staring off into space, looking at an unseen point in the smooth counter
top. Following the veins of gold in the milky white stone, her mind wavered from subject to
subject. Suddenly an idea struck her. What if, against all odds, she managed to pass Riku on her
way out of the bathroom back to the bed? Would she stop and talk to him, ignore him, or.... she
blushed madly and attempted to try and stop her mind, but the temptation was too great. Yes, she
would suddenly strike then. Walk right up, plant a firm kiss on his lips, then high-tail it back to
the safety of the bed. That would pretty much solve all her questions, seeing what his reaction
would be. Of course, unless he was in a semi-brain-dead state, and wasn’t aware of anything at
all. Suddenly there was a brief knock on the door, and she found herself stuck to the ceiling,
trying to calm her heart down. “What?” She asked upon prying her fingernails out of the stucco
and turning to face the door.
“I was wondering where you went.”
“Riku, I’ve only been in here for like, 45 seconds.”
“Whatever, just get out, would you?”
Akira rolled her eyes and opened the door, and she quickly found that as brave as one can
be in their imagination, in real life we are all chicken. Her heart raced, and she quickly looked
away from him and eyed the bed. However, her feet thought differently than her brain, and were
firmly planted on the spot. She could feel Riku’s questioning gaze, but she refused to meet it.
“Aki?” he nervously looked over his shoulder, and when he didn’t see anything he looked back at
her, to see that her eyes were set on his face. “Snap out of it, you’re scaring me....”
“Come on Akira.... you can do it.... just force yourself!” She mentally growled, and felt
her body begin to obey. “Now, make it quick, like a drive-by shooting.... sort of.” With surprising
quickness, her feet moved forward, bringing her right in front of Riku. “Can’t stop now, do it!”
She raised her head, leaned up, forward, and firmly pressed her lips against his, and her eyes
instinctively closed. “1.....2.....3.......4....how long should I stay? 6......7.... that’s enough, let go.”
she drew back, put her head down and quickly shot towards the bed, but a strong hand reached
out and hooked her shoulder.
“Aki...” Riku’s voice was soft, yet she could feel the strength in his arm. Her heart beat
uncontrollably fast as she froze in place, not sure what to expect. He drew her back, and she
slowly turned to face him. “Aki, why?”
Akira felt as if her heart would shatter. He was demanding an explanation.... “I..... I had to
know.” She wanted desperately for him to leave.
“Know what?”
“Do you love me or not? Stop playing games with me!” She angrily barked at him, and as
soon as she said it, she stepped back, not wanting him to answer.
“Is that what all of this has been about? The whole entire trip, that’s why you’ve been
distancing yourself, then tormenting me by drawing close?” he shot back. “How could you have
not known? Can’t you tell? Akira, I’m *madly* in love with you!!”
Akira didn’t know how to respond. At last, the truth was hers, but she had learned also
that in attempting to get it, she had wounded him, just as badly as she had hurt herself. “Well
why didn’t you just tell me then? Did you expect me to just magically know these things? I have
been hurt *so* many times just trying to find out!”
“Why couldn’t you just ask, instead of experimenting and playing games with my heart?
Every time I thought you were in reach, you’d jerk back and isolate yourself, always staying just
where I can’t reach you!”
“Because I was afraid of what you’d say!”
“What, were you afraid that’d I say yes?”
“No, I was afraid that everything I’d ever given you, all the trust I put in you and our
entire friendship..... that it would be ruined, because you would say no... and if you had, I would
have died, Riku. I would have died, because that meant that everything I finally found out that I
truly wanted was just a fairy tale, that it would never be real, and that I had wasted *years* of my
life for nothing!” Akira’s eyes widened, and she turned away, having to go anywhere, just as long
as she could leave. Never in her life had she ever poured out the truth.
Riku chased after her. “Don’t you dare turn on me, you started this, now you’re going to
finish it.” He firmly reached out and caught her wrist and spun her back around.
“What do you want from me?!”
“I want your love.” He gently responded. He couldn’t afford to mess up again, everything
he had longed for was so close at hand....
“I....can’t give it to you Riku.”
“......but why?” came back in a soft, barely audible whisper.
“Because.... I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid of being hurt.”
“Oh, Aki...” Riku put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes, needing
badly to somehow express how he felt, as there was no way, in any language or sound or action,
that it could be explained. “I will never be able to love anyone as much as I love you, Akira.... my
heart is totally devoted to you. If I can’t have this, I’ll spend the rest of whatever time I have
screaming for it.”
Akira couldn’t believe what he was saying. It had to be a lie, there had to be something he was trying to get from her. She looked into his eyes with indignation, trying to pry the truth out of him. “I...I don’t believe you.” She forced out.
“What? After that yelling contest we just had? I’m pouring my heart out to you Akira, what do you want from me?”
Akira looked away and looked out at the bedroom. “I don’t know.... how do I know that all you want from me is like... my body? How do I know that you don’t want to hurt me? Or take advantage of the fact that you just might be a time-traveling-“oops,-guess-I-gotta-go-soon-how-about-a-goodbye-kiss?” player?”
Riku drew his head back in bewilderment. “What on earth are you talking about? I think you’re crazy!”
Akira growled in frustration and folded her arms. “This isn’t going anywhere.... I need to calm down and think.”
Riku leaned back and watched her, realizing the fact that this must be what all girls are like. He’d seen a soap opera once, he knew that one moment they would be clinging to you, the next they were throwing expensive vases at your head. Perhaps this was what they called P.M.S.
Soon he could sense that she wasn’t going to give him the answer he wanted, and he jumped, not wanting that to happen. He slowly moved closer to her and put his hands on her arms. “Aki, don’t do this to me.”
She raised her eyes to look up at him, so many emotions struggling for dominance, she was completely unreadable. “I don’t think I can trust you, Riku...”
“Why not?”
“I just can’t.... After what my dad did to me and my mom, I don’t trust any male.”
“What did he do to you?” Riku softly asked, letting his forehead touch hers.
Akira quickly jerked away and stared at him. “Don’t push me, Riku.” She firmly growled.
Riku had had enough by now. As she walked away, he grabbed her wrist, swiftly spun her around for the second time that night, and as she hit the wall behind her he put his hand on both her shoulders, pinning her in place. If he had to drag it out of her by force, so be it. But it was late, he was far too stressed as it was to put up with this. “Talk to me, now!”
Akira whimpered and turned her head away, her face and tears covered by her hair which had fallen over her face. She braced herself, waiting for his hand to break her down. After a few moments, she relaxed and finally looked at him, too afraid to say anything. “Aki.... don’t hurt me anymore like this, you’re killing me. Just listen to me, please.”
Akira tried to calm herself down, but her body was shaking from the adrenaline. “What?” She said in a shaking voice.
Riku sighed and softened his grip. “Let me love you.”
Akira could hear the desperation in his voice. “Let me go.”
“Only if you’ll put your arms around me and tell me that you love me.”
Akira didn’t run when he released his grip, but closed her eyes and put her arms around his waist and lay her head on his chest as he put his own arms around her. “I love you.” She softly whispered, and felt him hold her tighter.
“Let me kiss you.” He softly whispered into her ear, drawing her face up so he could look into her eyes.
Akira gave in and closed her eyes, accepting his lips as they pressed against hers. Everything would be fine.


Akira mumbled in protest as bright rays of light filtered into the room, spotlighting her
face. “I shouldn’t even have to get up.” She said as she rolled over and wrapped an arm around
Riku’s waist.
Las night had been simple, but perfect and pivotal in itself. A sweet kiss, nothing more was needed. Yet the simplicity of it all was overwhelming. Love... just love. Nothing else. She happily hugged his warm body and felt him stir. He rolled over to face her and looked her in the eyes, seeing that some, but not all of her fear had faded with the night. “Are you going to run?” he softly asked her.
Akira shook her head and held still as he pulled her close. “Don’t be afraid of me.” He softly said.
“I’m trying.”
He sighed and gently rubbed her back, feeling her tense muscles relax and finally melt. “I just want you to trust me in everything.” He took her hand and put it on his chest, letting her feel his heartbeat. “I’m just as fragile as you are.”
Akira fought to free her heart from the old tangled chains of her childhood fears, realizing it had been thirteen years since a man had raised a finger to harm her. It was time to move on. “I’m trying.”
Riku gave a vague smile. She was making an effort. He quickly changed the subject to help her relax and try and settle back into a normal routine. “What time is it?”
“No idea....” She yawned and sat up next to him. “Do you know what we’re going to do
today?”
“I don’t know..”
Akira sighed and crawled off the bed and went about finding some clothes to wear.
“You’d best hurry to your room... don’t want the others getting any ideas, you know?”
Riku smirked and playfully tugged on a lock of her hair. She was feeling comfortable already. “Good point... but they’ll find out one way or another, you know.”
Akira smiled as he left and quickly got cleaned up. So she had finally given in to him.
There was more to be found in him than she would ever be able to comprehend. She could
tell his wasn’t some stupid and foolish crush that is based on physical attraction, the sort that
young adolescents find and declare it to be real, like a crazed miner with fool’s gold. This was
genuine, the kind of love that would always exist, no matter the consequences. He was sharing it
with a person he could see himself being with, even as she became old and derelict. And it had
happened to her, of all people.... she would never know why.
After getting the last tangle out of her hair, she stared at her face in the mirror for a
minute, reliving that kiss. Already she longed to be at his side again, even though he had
only been gone for a few minutes. Hastily she headed out of her room and walked down the hall,
looking everywhere for a mere glimpse of him. Soon she felt a pair of strong, warm arms wrap
around her waist, and she leaned backwards to accept the embrace, closing her eyes and sighing.
“Hello to you too.” Erik replied.
“Erik?!” Akira yelped, jumping out of his arms and sticking to the ceiling, much like the
previous night. “What do you think you’re doing?!”
Erik’s face turned red with laughter as he held his sides. “ I just had to do it, but I was
hoping you would jump *before* I spoke. What’s your problem?”
Akira scowled at him and folded her arms, walking double pace towards her room. “I
thought you were someone else...”
Erik quickly overtook her and stepped in front of her, and leaned forward so he could
look in her eyes. “I think you’re in love with someone.”
Her cheeks burned, and she kept trying to turn her head to avoid his gaze. “It’s none
of your business.” She muttered.
“Oh, the sweet everlasting melody of love.” Erik said in a wishy-washy voice, clasping
his hands and making his eyelashes flutter.
She growled and pushed him into her bedroom. “For your information, I happen to be
falling in love.”
“No kidding?! Who is it?” he demanded, standing in front of her with an eager expression.
Akira smirked. “You’ll never know.” She quickly shut the door and pulled up a nearby
chair, tilting it backwards and jamming it under the doorknob to trap him. With a satisfied
expression she nodded to the door and turned on her heel to continue down the hallway. “Mustn’t
pry into other people’s business.”
She wandered down the hall a bit, then stopped and looked over her shoulder. She didn’t
have the faintest idea as to where she was headed. Sighing, she leaned against the wall and
stopped, thinking. “Okay.... maybe I should go back and see if Riku’s in his room.... once I figure
out which room is his...” she thought, turning around and walking back.
After a while of staring at the different doors, she realized this was going to be awkward.
She randomly picked a door, knocked and waited. “Yeah?” Riku’s voice responded.
What luck. “Hey Riku.” She quietly said.
The door soon opened and Riku greeted her with a hug. “I’m starved.”
“Me too.” he agreed, letting her go. “I wonder where on earth the kitchen is.”
Sora soon emerged from his own room, sniffing the air. “If you’re looking for food,
follow me.” He said, following his nose.
Raising their eyebrows, Akira and Riku shrugged and followed the faithful brunette
bloodhound, who led them around several corners, and behold, a breakfast banquet! Sora
bounded happily towards the tables of food, snatching a plate and drooling over the various
dishes. “Well, he is useful.” Akira sighed, calmly retrieving a plate.
It wasn’t long before the others found their way here in one way or another, and they all
joined at the same table, most of them shooting glances at Akira and Riku, who sat next to each
other, lost in their own little world. Irvine shot a questioning look towards Jerdania, who in turn
looked to Kairi, who was the only one who seemed to notice that Erik and Red were missing. At
last Irvine cleared his voice and looked at the couple in question. “Hmm?” Akira asked, looking
at him.
“Um... you and Riku.... are ya’ll... ya know...”
“Are we what?”
“Um...like...”
“Boyfriend and girlfriend?” Riku asked.
“Yeah.”
“Maybe.”
“.....’maybe’?”
Akira smirked and ate another bite of her waffle, then looked back at Riku, who was
doing likewise. They were going to drive them all up a wall like this. What sweet, sweet revenge.
Then again, not too long ago had she learned that revenge was overrated and often backfired....
how ironic, the way everything had turned out in the end. Relaxed, she let her hand rest on
Riku’s knee, who in turn put a hand over hers and looked at her. She tilted her head and looked at
him, her eyes glimmering. The entire group stopped and looked at the two, their eyes quickly
darting from Akira to Riku, waiting to see what he’d do. Riku smiled, then leaned over and
gently pecked her lips before going back to his food. Four forks and jaws dropped simultaneously
with a loud clattering. “No way!” Irvine exclaimed in awe. “You two finally hitched up!”
Akira leaned against Riku and smiled. “Something like that.”

Erik tried jerking the doorknob again, but to no avail. The chair was doing its job.
Sighing, he opened the door as far as it would go, then peeked out the small crack to see if
anyone was out there. He heard Red speaking to someone, and he opened his mouth to cry for
help, but something told him to be quiet. “...so that’s the plan then?” he was saying.
“Exactly. It’s up to you to isolate the target.”
“But why so elaborate? Wouldn’t it be simpler just to kill them?”
“No, we have to make the target willingly cooperate with us.”
One of them sighed. “He must be out of his mind, expecting us to go through all of this
trouble.... wait, are you sure we’re alone?”
“Yes, why?”
Erik froze and quickly backed away from the door, looking for a place to hide. He spied
the wardrobe, and quickly climbed inside and closed the doors, and peeked out of the thin crack.
He heard someone removing the chair and walk inside, and his heart pounded in his ears. “Oh
Hyne, don’t let them find me....” Footsteps approached him, and he saw an unfamiliar person
looking around the room, then look straight at him. He drew his head back and held his breath.
“ ‘ello, Erik.” the stranger said, standing in front of the wardrobe before opening the door