Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Other Fan Fiction ❯ Protecting the Lion ❯ Letting Go ( Chapter 12 )

Chapter Twelve

Letting Go

 

With so much pent up inside of him, Seifer took a little time out and went to the gym. Garden workout facilities went far beyond just the training center.

 

The boxing gym had been vacated as the pernicious aura surrounding Ultimecia's knight radiated out and ran even the most steadfast of SeeD off. Like a pentameter keeping rhythm, the sound of jingling chain links rang through the air with each powerful strike made to the punching bag.

 

While Seifer's body moved with practiced ease, his mind tried to sort through his mixed feelings.

 

Two days ago he hadn't had any problems other than a mild case of bored melancholy. If he had refused the offer to come back, he would have been out on a fishing boat in some sweet spot inlet near Fisherman's Horizon.

 

Shuffling, he moved around the bag with each harsh blow.

 

There was no changing that he had returned. In truth, he knew it had been a good decision. Fishing might have entertained him for a short while, but he would have grown bored and moved on in a matter of days. Returning to Balamb Garden may very well have been inevitable for him. It had just happened sooner than he could have anticipated. Part of him had dated his glorious return for the day when Squally-boy finally collapsed in front of all those cameras.

 

The chains clinked and swayed under the violent punching of Seifer's fists.

 

Leonhart wouldn't be collapsing anytime soon, not while he was around.

 

Rhythm thrown off, Seifer began beating the innocent bag mercilessly. It was his job to look after the commander. There was absolutely nothing more to it than self-serving interest. He didn't care what happened to his rival. It was about money and gloating rights.

 

With a pop, one of the metal links broke, and the bag went flying. It landed with a heavy thud nearby.

 

Arms lowered, Seifer breathed heavily for a few moments before moving to another punching bag.

 

The root of his troubles was not why he had returned, but why he couldn't stop ogling his rival's ass and why he had fucking jacked off while dreaming of the stormy eyed brunet and why he had almost kissed the stubborn little mute less than an hour ago. Where the hell had such an attraction come from? He had known Squall most his life. He wasn't blind to the fact that his rival was rather attractive with a strange androgyny, but he had never actually felt turned on.

 

It was getting more difficult to convince himself that his feelings were nothing more than a repressed sex drive. Not fulfilling his more basic needs had never given him erotic dreams or caused him to nearly lose control and kiss someone.

 

Angrily, he recalled how Squall hadn't protested or shied away. In fact, he would even go so far as to say the brunet rather enjoyed his touch. From the way confused eyes fluttered shut to how that lithe body shivered subtly, he wondered what his rival might be hiding. The commander couldn't possibly have been thinking about him in the same way, right? Then again, he was the sexiest man alive. It wouldn't be terribly surprising if Leonhart wanted him.

 

Scoffing, Seifer quickly corrected his thinking. There would be nothing more shocking than Leonhart lusting after him, no matter how sexy he might be.

 

He had nothing against being gay, so long as it didn't involve him. Just because he found Leonhart slightly easy on the eyes didn't mean he was gay. The very thought of bedding a man was revolting.

 

Pausing, Seifer wondered why the thought of bedding his rival wasn't revolting. Effeminate as the pretty boy might be, the commander was obviously male. With a scowl, he recalled his dream clearly. When the eager little minx had finished servicing him and begged for more, his heterosexual imagination had not bothered to tamper with the boy's gender. The aroused bedmate from his dreams had sported an aroused cock.

 

Resuming his furious pounding on the punching bag, Seifer berated his foolishness. He needed to stop humoring the idea that he liked Leonhart as anything other than a sparring partner. There was only one solution to his desires that he could think of. He needed to fuck some pretty little blonde's brains out. The commander would be in his office for all day, which was something he couldn't argue against after losing their spar. Garden was full of nice looking women, many of whom would be more than willing to have a quickie with the infamous sorceress' knight. Chicks loved bad guys, especially when they were as good looking as he was.

 

With a final hit, he walked past the swinging bag and headed for the locker room. After a quick shower and fresh set of clothes, he would be ready to go.

 

--

 

Squall paced back and forth in his office. Blinds drawn, sunlight poured, but did nothing to counter his brooding state of mind. He was restless.

 

The group of SeeD he had dispatched to Dollet a week ago had been given orders to revisit the clothing store Trends. He wouldn't blame the oversight on incompetence, but he was upset that it had happened. If he had been in the field manning the search, he felt certain he would have found Rinoa earlier. Instead, he was pacing his office, waiting for news.

 

Rinoa's face was not easily mistaken, so Squall did not doubt Rui's word or that the boy had in fact met the raven-haired sorceress. He was relieved to know Rinoa was safe and sound enough to be out shopping. Concerned as he had been for her welfare, much of his relief was because the press had been alerted to his girlfriend's absence and not having any answers would have been a nightmare. His greatest relief was that his stalker probably had nothing to do with Rinoa's disappearance.

 

Forcing himself to stop pacing, he sat down at his desk and tried to calm himself. Swiveling his chair around, he faced the large window and the bright day outside. The sunlight warmed him. He decided not to worry unnecessarily, refusing to brood over Rinoa's presence in Dollet until he learned more about it.

 

Quietly thinking to himself, he soon remembered another disturbing matter. As much as he would like to have dismissed the notion that Seifer had almost kissed him, there was no mistaking the blond's intentions before Rui's timely interruption. While he could not fathom why Seifer would ever kiss him, he could not stretch his imagination to excuse the obvious action as something else.

 

Scowling, Squall figured it had been meant as a joke. The arrogant man took great pleasure in shocking and flustering those around him. Mood darkening, he clearly recalled what he had seen in the ex-knight's eyes. Had it truly been a joke? Despite his confusion at the time, he could still envision the gleam of lust in his rival's eyes. Though it was too farfetched to believe, he did not doubt his conclusions.

 

Squall ran his fingers through his slightly damp hair, his frustration only growing. He could not understand the inner workings of another person and shouldn't even be wasting time trying. What he should be trying to understand was why the hell he hadn't pulled away from his rival. Shocked or not, he shouldn't have been completely frozen in place. He refused to accept that he hadn't moved because he wanted Seifer to kiss him.

 

With a heavy sigh, Squall shook his head. He would not lie to himself. A small part of him had been curious, if not excited. It was the same part of him that had shivered involuntarily when Seifer marked his neck. The rough feel of his rival's hand against his cheek had been pleasant. Was his body simply reacting naturally to the touch of another person? He hadn't grown up with a solid understanding of relationships or human behavior. His anatomy classes as a student hadn't explained the intricacies of the body's reaction to a caressing touch.

 

Growling in frustration, Squall sunk into his chair deeper. Crossing his arms, he sulked and brooded, an innocent lip caught between his teeth as he worried the soft flesh out of habit. He and Seifer shared a strange bond, but it had never been the least bit sexual or even amicable. Somehow he didn't think that the human body was flippant enough to find just any person's touch pleasing. If so, that would mean he had felt his spine tingle and temperature rise because it had been Seifer. What would have happened if Seifer had actually kissed him?

 

Biting down on his lip harshly, he rid himself of such nonsensical notions regarding what had surely been a joke. He was misunderstanding everything. He had simply reacted because it was a foreign feeling and the lust he had seen in green eyes had been nothing more than a play of sunlight and mischievous gleam.

 

Knowing he should concern himself with more important matters, Squall couldn't stop thinking about it. The craziest questions arose in his head. What if Seifer liked him? What if it hadn't been a joke at all? What would it feel like to kiss his rival?

 

Before he could stop his runaway thoughts, he absently touched his fingertips to his mouth. What would it feel like to kiss Seifer?

 

Realizing his thoughts abruptly, he straightened and quickly turned around to face his desk. Concentrating forcefully, he became determined to get some work done. It was still early in the day, there was no reason not to accomplish his usual workload.

 

After a pathetic couple of hours, the commander stopped everything. He had reread the same line in a cadet's performance review five times. He was simply incapable of concentrating properly, and he knew it would be a waste to continue trying.

 

Deciding to take a short break, he turned his chair back around to face the window. The view was quite nice, looking out over the sea.

 

Perhaps the most bothersome aspect of thinking about Seifer was that he couldn't stop. It wasn't the odd questions, but his inability to stop obsessing over the matter.

 

Had his lack of experience with physical pleasure left him scrambling to account for a meaningless instance of contact between himself and his rival? He would never be able to look to hold his head high again if he had sunk so pathetically low.

 

Rolling his eyes at his own insecurities, Squall soundly concluded that being a virgin had nothing to do with anything. He wasn't desperate for sex, which didn't make him desperate to be touched or kissed. His need to understand what had happened came from the sheer insanity of what he suspected Seifer Almasy of. There was simply no way the ex-knight had been about to kiss him, and yet that was exactly what had happened. The math simply didn't add up, like two opposing truths that could not coexist at the same time.

 

Frustration mounting, Squall shifted uncomfortably until he settled into the plush leather chair. It was significantly warmer in his office now that the sun had had time to warm it up. It was still fairly early in the day, but he was beginning to doubt his ability to work. Until he cleared his head, he wouldn't be able to concentrate.

 

Brooding, an act he was a master at, he drifted willingly wherever his thoughts took him. Slowly, as the minutes collected and the sun heated him pleasantly, his eyes fluttered shut. It was hardly unusual for him to sleep in his office, but never in the middle of the day.

 

--

 

Squall's brooding thoughts had apparently warranted Shiva's protective concern. Having fallen asleep unwittingly, the commander was soon transported to a world of his guardian force's creation. Whether it was all in his head was not something he had ever asked the ice queen.

 

Different than the previous time, the snowy world around him was not an open expanse. He stood in the dark enclosure of snowy woods. Needled trees surrounded him in thick clusters, rising high and nearly blotting out all sight of the night sky. They were no ordinary pines, but then again he was not in the real world.

 

The light snowfall thickened, flurries making it difficult to see very far ahead. Under the cover of thick branches, he chose a direction and began walking.

 

Shortly after starting out, just enough time passing to leave him in anticipation of finding his guardian force, Squall reached a clearing. Walking past the outer edge of trees, he stepped forward to the open space. Able to see the sky more clearly, he gazed up at the midnight blue sky, a full moon shining directly down. It was then he noticed it had stopped snowing.

 

“You are well, my lion?” a dreamlike voice echoed on the wind.

 

Lowering his head, Squall turned around. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Well enough,” he answered. He thought of asking where she had been, but he couldn't expect her to always be watching over him.

 

“You are troubled.” Shiva's dark blue lips formed a frown. Her stubborn little lion seemed incapable of finding peace.

 

Squall's smile faltered at the sight of an obvious displeased ice queen.

 

“There is so much chaos in you,” Shiva murmured with worry. Gazing into the prideful lion's youthful eyes, she studied him closely. “Chaos in your heart and mind,” she added.

 

Wondering if Shiva might be able to give him the solid answers he was searching for, Squall took a step forward and spoke, “Seifer has come back.”

 

“Yes, I know little one.” Shiva reached a hand toward the lost boy. As he came to her, she brushed his cheek, but stopped when he winced.

 

“You know?” Squall questioned, unsure of when the ice queen had surfaced in his mind to observe the happenings of the real world.

 

“It was quite enjoyable to be battling that spirited man again.” Electric blue eyes sparkled in delight. “I'm disappointed I did not have my chance to assist you.”

 

Remembering the fight between him and Seifer, Squall realized that Shiva would have of course been present. Always ready to be summoned at a moment's notice in battle, she had been watching and waiting.

 

The confusion and loss evident in her lion's eyes did not fade. Stubborn to a fault, the boy would never recognize what his heart felt at this rate. Shiva kindly pointed out, “You have feelings for this man.”

 

Staring at his guardian force wide-eyed, Squall struggled to find an adequate response. “We've been rivals since we were young and six months ago we were enemies. I have feelings for him, most of which involve curses.”

 

Chuckling lightly, Shiva made to sit on the snowy ground. Patting the spot beside herself, she gestured for the brave commander to sit down as well. “There is passion and love. These are what you feel for him.”

 

Mouth gaping at a loss, Squall eventually refuted, “I feel nothing of the sort.” He sat beside Shiva indignantly.

 

Gently stroking her lion's hair, Shiva tried to coax the truth out. “Oh, but you do. No other person has been with you for so long. I have seen all your memories. It hurt to watch so many people leave, even if you were happy they were moving on to better lives. This knight was always different. Seifer, as you call him, was always with you, even when you thought he left you behind as well.”

 

The silence stretched as Squall thought back to his times in the orphanage. Shiva held many of his memories, securing her place in his mind, but he had eighteen years worth of memories that made it hard to miss a few.

 

“Rivals and enemies share a passion between each other that is hardly different than that between lovers.”

 

“We're not lovers,” Squall spat defensively.

 

Seeing that her lion did not take kindly to the idea, Shiva waited for him to calm down before continuing. “People change,” she stated knowingly. “I saw the same fiery passion in his eyes as I felt within you during that battle today.”

 

Scoffing, Squall supplied, “The desire to win.”

 

“Perhaps,” she consented. “But, I think you have more on your mind. Tell me.”

 

Unable to refuse the softly spoken guardian force, Squall relented, “He… earlier he… I think he tried to… kiss me.”

 

An amused chuckle escaped the ice queen. “There is nothing in a kiss from another if there isn't something in yourself.”

 

“What?” Squall frowned and turned his head to look at her. He didn't understand, or didn't want to acknowledge the implication.

 

Reaching out, Shiva placed her hands on either side of the brunet's pale face and slowly brought her lips to his. Giving him a soft kiss, she released her hold and looked into bewildered eyes. “It is just a kiss. But when you feel something,” she pointed to his heart, “it becomes something more.”

 

“Are you saying…” He stumbled for the right wording. Sometimes he felt completely inept around her.

 

Smiling gently, Shiva humored the resistant nature of the commander inaccurately called an ice prince. “You would not be so consumed by the act if you hadn't felt something for this childhood companion of yours.”

 

Frowning, Squall decided that was not the answer he wanted.

 

Standing up, Shiva offered her hand. She studied the lost and lonesome boy for a moment, quite fond of him.

 

Standing on his own, Squall looked up at the goddess like creature before him, knowing it was time he left.

 

Shiva placed another kiss on the commander's forehead before speaking in a stern and almost pleading tone, “You must learn to let yourself go.”

 

Uncomprehending, Squall stared into the guardian force's shockingly bright eyes. There was wisdom there, but he did not know what letting go meant. Was it just her way of telling him to rest more?

 

--

 

Blinking, Squall was surprised to find himself curled up in his chair at a rather odd angle. The dusk sky's pink and orange hues informed him that he had been asleep a great deal longer than he would have liked. He might as well have never gotten out of bed in the morning for all he had managed to accomplish.

 

With a crick in his neck, he unfurled his limbs and stood up. After stretching for a moment, he gathered all the files on his desk. With Shiva's advice echoing in his mind, he left his office. If his guardian force had been asking him to rest more, then he would return to his quarters and finish working there.

 

The trek was short as he tried to understand what Seifer had done what Shiva had implied about his feelings. He was reluctant to face the ex-knight again, but knew he would likely receive greater clarity upon doing so. Still, he felt the urge to hole up in his room without facing his rival until tomorrow. Keying in the code, he hoped no one was inside his apartment.

 

There were no lights on, which was promising. Taking his boots off, he began to unstrap his gunblade. As he stepped out in the open, a flickering movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Reacting swiftly, he drew Lionheart and started to turn around. Too slow, his blade wasn't in position when another gunblade clashed against it harshly. A tight hand gripped his wielding wrist and crushed it with brute strength. Unable to flex his tendons, his hand opened and lost its hold on his weapon. Lionheart clattered to the tiled ground and he was pushed against the wall.

 

It all happened in such a fast blur, that Squall hadn't the chance to look at his attacker. There was little question, considering another gunblade had been used against him. Eyes gazing up, he confirmed his assailant to be Seifer. He searched jade-green eyes for a moment, only becoming more confused.

 

Hyperion was released to fall in a similar manner as Lionheart, while Seifer pressed a forearm against his collar, precariously close to his throat. There was no questioning the seriousness of the force the blond was using. Squall could feel the painful compression as he was pinned to the wall. Angrily, he bit out, “Is this another one of your brilliant ideas? Proving I'm fallible?”

 

Clenching his jaw tightly, Seifer just stared at the man before him. At the moment, and for the past hour or so, he'd been pissed off beyond reason. After his visit to the gym, he had found the other release he had been looking for. It hadn't worked out as planned. His willing partner had been attractive enough, even mildly interesting to talk to. Nonetheless, when he had kissed her there hadn't been a flicker of passion, absolutely none. Squall's face would not leave his head. His disastrous attempt to release his sexual frustrations had left him twice as frustrated and quite livid with the pretty boy commander who would not leave his head.

 

Now Seifer had the apparent object of his desire pushed against the wall. Whether to confirm a point or simply give in, there was only one thing he could do. Swiftly, he leaned in and crushed his lips with a bruising force to the unsuspecting brunet's.

 

Fists swung at him, but Seifer had the advantage. Grappling to keep his unforgiving hold, he bound the commander's wrists with a strong hand. Squally-boy was more likely to have an apoplectic attack than to fend him off. His quarry was unresponsive aside from struggling arms, which he held above the other's head. Demanding a response, roughly gripped Squall's face. With the right pressure, that lush mouth was opened to him.

 

Seifer felt no satisfaction in what he was doing, but he couldn't stop.

 

Squall didn't know how to respond. Seifer was hurting him, in more ways than one. As a tongue invaded his mouth, he stopped trying to free his hands and tried instead to use something that wasn't being restrained.

 

Seifer pulled back with a grunt. Squall had just bit his lip. Licking at the blood, he was thrown off guard by the sudden thrashing of the body before him. Squall squirmed free slightly.

 

Together, they fought each other. Crashing to the floor, Squall cried out as he broke both their fall.

 

“Dammit Seifer, what the hell are you…” his sentence was never finished. Seifer had again started to kiss him. When caught, there was little he could do against an opponent of greater physical strength.

 

After another harsh meshing of lips, Seifer pulled back to look down at the commander. His chest was already tightening with guilt. He had let his anger control his actions.

 

Looking up, Squall saw guilt, regret, desire, and lust all reflected in green eyes. He didn't understand where this was coming from, or why the blond was being so aggressive. “Seifer,” he spoke calmly.

 

Bowing his head, Seifer wondered if he would ever be able to look Squall in the eyes again. Promptly removing himself from atop the brunet who he had just sexually assaulted, he made his apology. “Squall, I'm sorry.” There was no excusing what he had just done. “Dammit,” he cursed. “Please, just forget it, I'm sorry.” Unable to face the shame, he stood up and made to leave the apartment.

 

“Wait!” Squall called out to the blond's retreating back. Standing, he winced as his back protested after hitting the floor so hard. He didn't understand anything, but he suspected Seifer could help him figure it out.

 

Though Seifer had stopped, he still had his back turned. He couldn't imagine what Squall would have to say. Perhaps the brunet wanted to land a solid punch in compensation.

 

“Turn around,” Squall ordered. Shiva's words seemed to take on a different meaning. Unsure of what he meant to do, he closed the distance that separated them. Letting go of his inhibitions, he reached up and pulled his rival's head down, meeting the older boy's lips.

 

It was Seifer's turn to not respond. Was Leonhart seriously kissing him right? At the feel of warm hands on the back of his neck, he snapped to attention. Gently, he moved his lips against the smaller man's. His arms wrapped around a slim waist and pulled the brunet closer.

 

Quickly, the kiss deepened. With fervor, Seifer found his way into Squall's mouth. It was such a sweet taste, just like in his dreams, yet so much better. The only difference was the presence of a coppery tang from his bleeding lip.

 

Squall didn't know if he had found the answer he had been seeking. It was perhaps an affirmation of his worst fears. His body was on fire and every synapse seemed to dance. It was an addicting feeling to have the blond holding him closely and delving into his mouth. He could not hold in the soft moan when Seifer squeezed his ass.

 

Breaking away, Seifer looked down again at the brunet. Red lips were glistening from the slick exchange. Half lidded eyes could not disguise the raw need in darkened blue orbs. Squeezing the commander's pert ass again, he turned his attention to that slender throat. Just like before, he went about marking it. Moving to the wall, he pressed the other back against it while slipping a knee between slender legs. Still grasping Squall from behind, he pulled the lithe body closer.

 

The heat Squall felt seemed to center at his groin as Seifer's thigh brushed against him. “Seifer,” he gasped, bracing his hands on the other's shoulders. His legs felt weak and ready to give way.

 

As the two of them pressed against each other the knocking at the door went unnoticed. Seifer's attention returned to Squall's mouth. They were both out of breath, but still desperately kissing each other. Their tongues fought for dominance. Seifer plundered the younger man's mouth, eliciting arousing moans.

 

It wasn't until the knocking became pounding that either took notice. Breaking apart from their kiss, they panted.

 

“You'll have to answer it,” Seifer informed. He vowed revenge on whoever was at the door.

 

Looking down, Squall saw a very prominent bulge in Seifer's pants. Blushing, he let the reality of what had just happened set in. The color in his cheeks darkened when he also realized what would have happened if they had not been interrupted.

 

More pounding sounded and Seifer pulled away. The sudden lack of the warmth was regrettable.

 

 

TBC… Seifer with become impotent if you don't review… then where will this story go?