Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Mordino's Sadistic Theatre ❯ Ahhh.... Bum Sex... ( Chapter 3 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

[Setting: Same as before, lobby.]

[Time: About a day or two after the 'Rikku Is A Dirty Slut' episode, evening time]

[Hannibal, shirtless and covered in scratch-marks, walking down the previously unused flight of stairs, fumbles with the buttons of his fly, muttering obsenities under his breath as he joins Sephiroth in the grand enterence way. Sephiroth is currently busying himself sitting at one of the little tables and absently dripping candlewax onto his hands.]

Hannibal: [whince] Dude, could you NOT do that? I've only just wacked the mental images of the crazy lady from my mind... [grimaces, indicating the blood matted to his hairline, near the indentation of a cricket bat]

Sephiroth: [smirks in amusement] Getting pussy whipped, I see...don't lie. I know you love it.

Hannibal: LIAR! [flushes crimson] She pretty much fucking RAPED me!!

Sephiroth: [turns from the candle, looking bewildered] I've never understood that...how exactly can a woman rape a man? He'd have to have a raging hard-on before she jumped him...am I right, Mr.King? [arches a brow at Hannibal's obvious state of ...'excitement']

Hannibal: [covering self with hands, bashful voice] Sh-shut up...! I can't help it! She was naked and let's face it...she's no Angelina Jolie, but still....

Sephiroth: AH-HA! So you enjoyed it then!

Hannibal: N-no! It was horrifying!!

Sephiroth: [snort]

Hannibal: It was, I tell you! She chained me to the bed and had her wicked way with me!

Sephiroth: And you loved it....with the once whole inch of your manhood.

Hannibal: ...You'll pay for that, Sephy....mark my words... [glares coldly]

[Just then Ceres-looking more and more like Helena Bonham Carter-circa 'Fight Club'- wearing an over-sized men's shirt and nothing else, looking bed-tangled but very happy, emerges from the right-hand staircase and sneaks up behind Hannibal, cuddling him close to her chest from behind]

Ceres: [coitishly] Poor baby! I did'nt hurt you too bad, did I?

Hannibal:..[mumbles darkly]

Sephiroth: Tell me, my dear...was he screaming with pleasure or with pain?

Ceres: [smirks deviously] Pain IS pleasure.....if you're into S & M, that is! [cackles]

Sephiroth and Hannibal: O_o '

[At that moment, the theatre doors spring open with an eteral gust of wind and glitter and all at once, another shadowy figure joins the fray.]

Shadowy Figure: [sounding amused] Is this the theatre of nightmares?

Hannibal: [cough] No shit, Sherlock..

Ceres: You've come to the right place! [whips out clipboard from midair] Name, please?

[ The Shadowy Figure throws back their cloak, revealing a tall man dressed in a red trenchcoat, matching fedoro hat, orange ski googles and a white shirt with a black bow-tie. His hair is black, mid-lenght and unkempt beneath the fedoro and as he smirks, a mouthful of pearly white fangs glint omniously in the dim candlelight]

Shadowy Figure: My name is Alucard. A pleasure. [he takes Cere's hand and kisses the palm] You look good enough to eat.

Ceres: [as Willy Wonka] Thank you very much, but that, my dear vampire, is called cannibalism and is in fact frowned upon in most societies, oh yes..

Alucard: [quirks an eyebrow]

Sephiroth: She's like this all the time, man...get used to it.

Alucard: Indeed...

Ceres: [zaps into a pair of Axl Rose's discarded black leather pants] Alrighty, folks! If you'll just follow me, we can begin tonight's healty dosage of torture! [cackles like Washu]

Hannibal: I've been tortured enough already, so why don't you go take a sugar-frosted FUCK off the end of my dick?!

Ceres: God, I love it when you trash-talk me.. [rrrr!!]

Hannibal:...[sweatdrop]

[As per usual, Ceres leads the men up the first flight of stairs before turning into one of the man doors marked 'Torture Chamber'. Tonight, it's door #3 and once again, it leads into a room full of Lazy-Boy recliners and velvet curtains, only this time, the recliners and curtains are a hot, lurid shade of pink with sparkly tassle trim, a disco-ball suspended from the sealing casting little dots of light on the three victums of the evening..]

Sephiroth: What fresh hell is this? O_o [pokes at one of the tassles on a recliner with a long, spindly finger]

Ceres: [smirks] Sit down and you might find out.

Alucard: I have a bad feeling about this...

[Nonetheless, the two 'seasoned professionals' and the newcomer seat themselves before the freakin' huge projector screen, waiting in silent terror as Ceres fumbles with the galaxy of buttons on the remote. Soon, she presses a Big Shiny Pink Button (tm) and once again, the old fashioned 5-4-3-2-1-*beep!* countdown begins. Ceres pushes another button on the remote and at once, steel manicles chain the men to the floor by their ankles]

All 3 Men: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Ceres: [casually] Ohh, just a little something to stop you running out on me...

Alucard:....Drastic, hmm?

Ceres: [matter-of-factly] And kinky too! [as Dorathy] Blindfolds, whips and chains-OH MY!

Sephiroth: You will die for this, woman!!

Ceres: [smirks] not if I kill you first with...A YAOI!!!! [thundercrash!]

All Three Men: O_O Nooooo! The horror! The unspeakable HORROR!!

[All three men struggle against their restraints, but they only seem to get tigher the more they squirm.]

Ceres: Oh, hush! It's bum sex! You guys LOVE that kinda thing!

Hannibal: She's completly hopeless.... T-T

Sephiroth: We mean in a HETERO contex, she-witch!!

Ceres: [cackles]

[The credits roll as the bickering subsides, the men resigning themselves to their cruel twist of fate..]

Ceres: Okie, dokie! Today is a MST I actually quite like because of the pairing, but despite the fact it's REASONABLY well written in terms of spelling, grammar and paragraph structure, it remains a dirty PWP and it must be subjected to MSTyness! That and there's just too many lines to poke fun at, if you'll excuse the pun!

Hannibal: I hate you.

Ceres: Love you too, Hanni-poos! [flops down on a recliner] Okay, today's fresh batch of crap is a Final Fantasy 8 Squall x Seifer yaoi PWP called 'Office Blunder', written by an author known as VampireSyra.

Alucard: I'm offended.

Sephiroth: [screaming] SHE MUST BE FOUND AND STAKED!!!

Hannibal:...[shakes his head in exasperation]

Ceres: ACTION!!

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Squall squirmed in his seat, attempting not to do something uncharacteristic like jump over his desk and tackle Seifer. He was feeling increasingly uncomfortable in the long stretch of silence and Seifer wasn't helping any. In fact, Seifer was quite happy with the situation. His telltale smirk was in place as usual, making his face even more attractive. His body was slouched and relaxed as though he hadn't been called to the headmaster's office for being caught for spraying `LEONHART LIKES COCK' on a wall in the cafeteria.
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Ceres: [reading the last sentence] Yes, indeedy, you little uke, you!

Hannibal: For fuck's sake, he's already out of character if he's gonna bang a guy he hates with every fibre of his DNA!

Ceres: [as Carrie Fisher-brand therepist] Hate is..such a strong word!

Hannibal: Well, it's true.. [folds arms and pouts]

Sephiroth: I thought his surname was "Lionheart"..O_o

Alucard: "Lionheart..."....must...resist...urge....to...make...bad ....mountain...lion.....pun!

Ceres: [sweatdrop] Alucard, that was bad...even for my 'below the barrel' tastes! -_____- ;

Alucard: [grins in spite of himself]

--------------

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Squall knew this wasn't going to be easy. How in the name of Hyne was he supposed to punish Seifer when all he wanted to do was throw him down and have passionate, wild sex with him? Squall sighed. “You know why you're here, Cadet.” At this, Squall dared to look up at the man in front of him.

-------

Alucard: [as author] "And saw to his horror, that the man was not Seipher at all, but the legendary Choujin, who promptly ripped out his guts following a through ass-fucking with five hundred 56 inch dick-tacles."

Hannibal: [laughs] Good one!

Ceres: [shivers] Ick!

Sephiroth: What's your problem? [as Cartman] Got sand in your vagina?

Hannibal: No...Urotsukidouji was the only hentai movie to make her go 'WHAT THE FUCK?!?' rather 'Oh, fuck! Ohhh-ohh-ohh!"

Sephiroth: [takes mental note] Innnteresting.. [devious smirk]

Ceres: [flushes pink] MOVING ON!

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Seifer's smirk grew and Squall's dim hope that this would be settled easily died along with his childhood dream of becoming a Broadway showgirl. “Did you like it Squally? Or does it hit a little too close to home?” Squall felt the beginnings of a twitch in his left eye.
------

Ceres: "His childhood dream of becoming a Broadway showgirl..."

Hannibal: ....

Sephiroth: ....

Alucard: .....

All: O_o '
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“Cadet Almasy, do you have an explanation for your actions?” Squall was struggling to keep a professional attitude although both his body and mind were pulling him in different directions. His mind was telling him that he should be offended at Seifer's blatant disregard of his power while his body was screaming at him to shut the fuck up and have sex with Seifer already.

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Sephiroth: Yes! Get this shit over with already! We have more productive ways to kill our braincells!

Hannibal: Like beer and the possibility of MORE beer to come!

Alucard: [as Homer] To beer! The cause of -and solution to- all of life's problems!

All: [chuckle]



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“Well, I just figured it was about time that the rest of the Garden knew what I do, Squally-boy.” Seifer's arrogant demeanor was almost enough to convince him to hurtle his desk and either fuck Seifer or strangle him. Almost, but not quite. “As a punishment for this extremely childish act, you will be serving on the cleaning committee for the next three weeks.” Seifer pondered this for a moment before asking, “We have a cleaning committee?”
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Alucard: Why not strangle him AND fuck him at the same time? Auto-erotic-aphyixia can be quite exilerating, y'know..

Sephiroth & Hannibal: O_o '''

Alucard: [innocently] What?

Ceres: Did'nt the lead singer of INXS die from that?

Alucard: Mmm, yes...but what a way to go!

All Except Alucard: O_o ;

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The only warning Seifer had was the twitch of Squall's eye and the grip of his knuckles on the wood before the brunette man had knocked him out of his seat and was straddling his waist. “What the fuck are you doing Leonhart?!” Squall blinked, as if just realizing that he had lost control of his restraint and was currently lying on top of his object of desire.

It only took a moment of deliberation before Squall shrugged and then leaned down to cover Seifer's protesting mouth with his own. Seifer's eyes widened and he fought against the onslaught for all of three seconds at which time Squall's tongue entered his mouth and all thoughts of any kind fled his mind.
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Ceres: [as Seipher's thoughts] AHHHHH!!! BUM SEX!! Run awaaaay!

All 3 Men: [collectively thinking] My thoughts exactly..

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Moaning into the warm mouth on his, Seifer pulled Squall down to lie chest to chest. Warm hands were crawling up Seifer's shirt, running over his muscled abdomen to tweak his nipples. Seifer broke the kiss, panting.

“Squall…. the hell?” Squall wasn't listening anymore. His tongue was lapping at Seifer's ear while his fingers were preoccupied with pinching the blonde man's nipples. The moans that were coming out of Seifer's mouth were only encouraging him. With a growl, Seifer flipped their positions, pinning the sultry brunette underneath him. “Now, tell me what the fuck brought this on. Not that I'm complaining, understand.” At this, Seifer pressed their erections together beneath the layers of clothes, earning a small gasp from Squall.

You're hot,” was the only explanation he got from Squall.

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Sephiroth: And yet, we never got one bloody explaination for this mindless orgy of sex and OOC-ness!

Hannibal: ...Bunny orgy...AHHH! [bashes self in head with cricket bat]

Alucard: [as author] "Hot was Seifer, indeed! So hot was he, in fact, that he died of spontantous human combustion, Squall soon following after the shock of getting his hair singed was too much to bear and he rammed his Gunblade through his gut. The end."

Ceres: [giggles] You're good at this, Alucard! ^-^

Alucard: [tips his hat] I aim to please, pyscho-girl.

-------

Their hips were still rocking against each other, making Seifer a little fuzzy in the head. “That works.” He ground out, forgetting that he was supposed to hate this man. Unable to take any more, Seifer reached down and pulled Squall's shirt over his head, his hands then immediately going to trace the warm skin that had been revealed to him.

Squall shivered. He had no idea it would feel so good to be dominated. The blonde man above him reached down to undo his pants and Squall's hands gripped onto the sleeves of Seifer's trench coat. As Seifer pulled the tight leather pants down Squall's legs, his hard dick sprang free of its confines. “I knew those pants were too tight for underwear!” Seifer declared, proud at himself for knowing the answer to the most popular question floating around Garden.
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Sephiroth: I'll never look at the movie 'Commando' quite the same again....[sweatdrop]

Ceres: TIGHT PANTS! Whooo!

Hannibal: [seeing Alucard's bewildered look] Axl Rose fan...-_________- ;

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“Seifer…” Squall was getting impatient. “Shut up.” Seifer smirked up at the grouchy brunette and bent down to run his tongue along Squall's shaft. Squall gasped, throwing his head back. “Oh, gods Seifer…” With a self-satisfied smirk, Seifer engulfed Squall's entire member in his mouth. Squall's mouth was open, but the only noise coming form it was a groan that vaguely resembled Seifer's name.

The blonde, happy with the response he was receiving from Squall, rewarded him with a hard suck to the head of Squall's dick. Squall's fingers tangled themselves in the other man's hair, pushing his mouth back fully on his cock. Squall was biting his lip in a desperate attempt to stifle the noises escaping from his mouth. Seifer's tongue swirled around the top of his erection, licking up some of the pre-come that was leaking out of the slit, and that was it.

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Sephiroth: YES! It's finally over! Thank you, Jesus!

------

Unable to hold back his words anymore, Squall's pleas cut through the air. “God, yes! Fuck me, Seifer, please! Fuck me inside!”

---

Sephiroth: [facefault] I spoke too soon... T-T '

---

Seifer pulled off of Squall, surprise clear on his face. “What? Are you sure?” Squall's answer was to push Seifer down and yank his pants and boxers down to his knees. “Squall….it'll hurt…” Squall sighed, tired of hearing Seifer's voice without it screaming his name. He took Seifer's hand and put it on his dick. He leaned down to bite at his lover's neck. “I don't care.”

Seifer moaned, loud. The hand that wasn't stroking Squall's dick was buried in his hair, encouraging Squall to suck harder on the flesh of his neck. Before he got too carried away, Seifer pulled Squall's head away from where he was leaving bruises on his skin. He looked at the brunette's face and nearly came without even being touched. Squall's skin was tinged pink, his mouth was swollen and hanging open slightly. His breathing was labored, something that was caused by the hand still pumping his dick.
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Ceres: Pump that dick harder man, we need oil for the reservoirs!

Hannibal: [dubious look, holds up a sign with a screw and a baseball painted on it] -___________- ;

Sephiroth: [as author] "Little did Seifer know, however, that all that frantic pumping was causing immense pressure to build up inside of Squall's testicles. Unable to hold back anymore, the brunette boy's genitilia promptly exploded with the force of an atom bomb, taking Squall, Seifer and the author with it. The End!"

Hannibal: WOULD YA STOP WITH THE PENIS TORTURE JOKES?!?!?!

Sephiroth: [Kefka laugh] Fnnnaaaaar haaar harrr haaarr!

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Seifer traced Squall's lips with the fingers that weren't occupied with jerking off Squall. Squall sucked the fingers in his mouth, coating them with saliva. “Oh, fuck.” Seifer pulled his fingers from the cavern of Squall's mouth and moved them down to trace his entrance. Squall hissed and pushed back against the intrusion. The fingers were in him, stroking him, fucking him. He had never felt so hot before in his life. Seifer was twisting his fingers, searching for that one spot to make Squall scream.
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Alucard: [as author] "Little did he know that that little spot was actually not a spot at all but an enraged gerbil that Squall had lodged in his colon."

Ceres: Three cheers for Lemmiwinks!

Alcuard: [continues, as author] "Threatened by the intruding sight of Seifer's fingers, the gerbil sank it's teeth into the shit-covered flesh, causing Seifer to die of rabies. The End."

Ceres: [cackles with laughter]

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He knew he found it when Squall thrust his body down and wailed. “SEIFER!” Afraid he would come too soon, Seifer pulled his fingers from the other man's body, with strong protests. He moved his hands to rest on Squall's hips, gently pushing him down so that he would be impaled on Seifer. Squall, though understanding that Seifer was trying to take things slow, was feeling too impatient to be treated like some frail woman.
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Alucard: [as Seifer] I AM VLAD THE IMPLAILER! I SHALL KILL YOU AND MOUNT YOUR MUSHROOM-HEAD ON A PIKE!

Sephiroth: Pretty tiny pike you'll need there, man..

Alucard & Sephiroth: [laugh]

Ceres:[ as Squall, protesting] "Damnit, man! Don't take your fingers out now! You're just on the verge of dislodging that stubburn piece of shit my colonic irrigation therepist missed!!"

Hannibal: .....Ewww...

Ceres: [as Jason Lee] Care for a chocolate coated preztel?

Hannibal: >__< [reaches for sickbag]

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“Fuck!” Seifer exclaimed through his teeth as he felt Squall drop onto him completely. His dick was being clamped in a searing heat, the tight channel gripping him, and lost his breath. Squall was still, his face turned down, chocolate hair obscuring his face. For one terrified moment, Seifer thought that he was hurt, that this was the end and he'd never see Squall like this again. But then Squall started to move.

It was only small movements at first, Squall just getting used to having something so big inside of him. Seifer could do nothing but lie back and watch as the man slowly raised himself before slamming down on his dick…once…. twice…. “Squall!” Seifer let out a hoarse yell; unable to take the slow pace he had set for them. Squall looked to his face, his bottom lip between his teeth. “So-so good, Seifer…ahhh…” The lithe man continued to impale himself, and it wasn't long before Seifer was clutching at his hips, pumping in and out of him.

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Ceres: [as George W Bush] Pump tha' oil, men! Pump it well!

Hannibal: Those 'penis pump' jokes have been done to death... -___- ;

Ceres: [giggles] Could'nt resist!

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Seifer nailed Squall's prostrate, and it was over for the brunette. His back arched and a deep moan was ripped from his throat. His come splattered across their stomachs, coating them both in his semen.
-------

Sephiroth: [as seaman] Hey, this is'nt the naval base! It's a NAVEL...but...

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His body clamped around Seifer's dick, clenching him impossibly tight. Seifer called out Squall's name and let himself go inside of the smaller man.
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Alucard: [as Dr.Evil] Welcome to my submarine lair! It's long, hard and full of semen!

All: [groan at the weak joke]

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Squall collapsed in a heap on top of his lover, panting. Seifer wrapped his arms around the man's waist, holding him close.

“Squall…are your walls soundproof?”

“Oh, fuck.”
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Ceres: [as author] "Just then, Mrs. Leonheart burst into the room and beat Squall to a bloody pulp with a bible for partaking in the blasphemous act of sodomy."

Hannibal: [as Mrs. Leonheart] "NO GRANDCHILDREN FOR MEEE!!"

Sephiroth: [as Squall] "That's right, Mom! I gonna get a job in the fudge packing industry and Seifer here's my buisness partner!"

All: [cackle with laughter]

[The screen turns black and the MST ends, causing the three victims to breath a sigh of relief and rub their ankles as the shackles are removed, retracting into the hot pink recliners.]

Ceres: Well, now..that was'nt so bad, was it?

Alucard: Do you REALLY want me to answer that question? [quirks an eyebrow]

Ceres: Oh, hush! You were laughing just as much as the others!

Hannibal: [silly, meek voice] Laughter helps to numb the pain...

Sephiroth: BAN THIS SICK FILTH! [throws a boot at the projector screen]

Ceres: [to Alucard] Think you can handle seven more tales of terror, dear Alucard?

Alucard: There are'nt many things that scare me in this world, Ms. Mordino....but this would be one of them....I am out of here!

[Alucard attempts to phase through a wall, only to be instantly turned inside out by the hex upon the building.]

Sephiroth & Hannibal: DEAR GOD!!!!

Alucard: [now a mess of blood and guts] Feh....I've been through worse.. [regenerates in a matter of seconds and tips his hat] I bid thee adieu, you sorid bunch of weirdos.

Ceres: Oh, shoot...I was hopin' he'd stay for a bite to eat... [snaps fingers]

[With a flick of Cere's wrist, the slightly more disturbed than usual vampire hunter is teleported from the theatre, leaving just Sephiroth, Hannibal and the auburn woman in the torture chamber]

Ceres: Well, then...you've both made it through round three. Think you can handle the unspeakable horrors of....TORTURE CHAMBER NUMBER FOUR?! [thundercrash]

Sephiroth & Hannibal (and probably the readers too..): Noooooo!

Ceres: [Kefka laugh] Fnaaaar haaar haaar! Just you wait..I've got a mystery MSTer to introduce! Your appitites be damned!!

Sephiroth & Hannibal: I want my Mommy... T-T