Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ A Darker Shade of Night ❯ The Feel of Nothing ( Chapter 1 )

Author's Note: I in no way, shape or form own Final Fantasy *snaps fingers in frustration*.

Nothing special here, not as of yet, anyway. This is my first-ever Final Fantasy fic, so don't feel afraid to give me suggestions here and there. Just don't flame the hell out of me, okay? My feelings get hurt easily.

Other than that…um… The high rating is mostly for violence and strong language. This story is also going to get really dark as it progresses, so this is your warning. Don't let the light nature at the beginning through you off.

The pairings in this story are as followed: Squall/Rinoa, Irvine/Selphie, Seifer/Quistis and Zell/Library Girl (Tashla).

Shade

Chapter One:

The Feel of Nothing

"I just don't understand it." Dr. Kadowaki said in frustration, holding her chin, looking thoroughly puzzled. "This is the thirteenth case this week, and it's not even Wednesday yet."

"Really doctor, I'm fine!" The junior cadet complained, sitting up on the hospital bed, giving the Garden doctor an unnecessary dark look. "I'm not here by choice! Instructor Trepe sent me here after I…"

"…fell asleep in class and smacked your head on your control panel as you did so?" She finished, one eyebrow quirked. "Students just don't fall asleep like that in class, especially not in the middle of the afternoon, and I seriously doubt that you are narcoleptic, so don't even bother with that excuse. Besides, I'm sure even you've seen better days, Mr. Zenda."

Squall had to admit to himself, the kid could have been in better shape. Dark circles had underlined his eyes and his skin was unnaturally pale and a little moist, his finer hair matted down, and his cheeks held the unmistakable flush of a fever. The welt on his forehead did not add much to his current situation either. Under most circumstances, the doctor would have never asked Squall to come to the infirmary on the account of a small flu outbreak, but for some reason, she was particularly worried and felt it was urgent to speak with him on the matter.

"So I caught a bug. It's nothing unusual, even if it is the summer. This stuff happens all the time."

"It's not the bug I'm worried about." The doctor said, but Squall knew that it was said more to him than to the student. She crossed her office and opened her medicine cabinet, which was looking unusually empty. Withdrawing a small bottle from it, she returned to the bed and handed it to the student, who gave the bottle a very sour look. "Take one of these three times a day, morning, noon, and night. Come back to see me if you have any more of these fainting spells." A pause. "Better yet, I'd better tell your instructors that. If not, the next time you'll be in here with your head split open. Now go back to your dorm and rest. If not, I'll have Fuujin and Raijin take you back for you."

Mumbling under his breath, the kid jumped down from the hospital bed - perhaps a bit more clumsily for someone training to become a SeeD - and left the infirmary.

Although he could not place his finger on it, Squall felt an itch on the inside of his skin that told him that something was not right about that whole situation. He had never seen anyone fight so hard against someone telling them to stay out of class and rest for a few days. Most kids would have danced if that were an order given to them.

"Is this what you're so worried about?" Squall inquired when the cadet was out of hearing range. "A few juniors who resist the order to take a sick day? You didn't need me in here to give the order for you, do you?"

"You would actually be surprised at how many people actually do fight it, Commander." Dr. Kadowaki said, returning to her desk and sitting down with a sigh. She was more serious than usual today, and she herself looked as if she had not been getting enough sleep at night. "There are some very dedicated students here whose studies are everything. The thought of anything setting them back puts them into utter turmoil. Why, I remember a couple years back when a certain young man refused to watch his back because he did not want his pride ruined by a certain rival, even if it meant getting his head sliced open in the process." She gave him a knowing smile when she said that; Squall almost smirked. The smile was short-loved, however, and the grave expression returned in a rush. "No…it is not so much the sickness I am worried about. I'm not concerned about the behavior of the students."

Squall frowned. "Behavior?"

"Yes." The Garden doctor leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on the desk and her chin on her hands. "Of course, the ones who have been becoming ill would never admit to such symptoms, so I've had a few of the teachers keep an eye on them for me. They say it's all the same. They seem to be sleeping and eating a lot less, so they appear gaunter than usual. Besides that, they say that their overall personalities take a complete one-eighty. The usually happy, upbeat students become quiet and reserved, and the ones who usually keep to themselves look as if they would rather be in the dark corner of some basement somewhere. Tempers and patience run short, so when they actually do talk, they're usually nasty when they do it. They loose interest in what they enjoy doing and don't even put in half the effort into the things that are mandatory. Written test scores are at an all-time low, and so is the energy and passion that the most dedicated students put into their studies. It's almost as if they've all…stopped caring. Young Mr. Zenda who was in here a moment ago was one of the minimal cases. If he were one of the worse I had heard about, he would not have said a word. And if he had, I can bet you your gunblade that it would have been a lot worse than what you heard. And nothing I give them seems to be helping once they are in here with the flu. I gave Mr. Zenda some basic flu medicine, but it won't de a thing for him. Nothing will." The doctor paused, and Squall thought for a split second that that would be the end, but he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when the look on the doctor's face became even more severe.

"But that's not all of it."

Dr. Kadowaki shook her graying head. "No. The strangest symptom is the one I find the most unsettling. Some of the reports that I have been getting are from the instructors who oversee activity in the training center. There apparently has not been a short supply of monsters there - Hyne knows there never will be - but they are showing themselves a lot less than normal. In the past three weeks I've hardly received any patients who needed to be treated for wounds inflicted by the monsters, and they were usually my most frequent visitors. I've never been in there myself, but I can guess that those beasts don't miss a chance to attack anything that moves. However…from what I have been hearing, they have not only been not attacking, but it's almost like they're hiding, but only from certain juniors. And all the juniors that they avoid are the ones that eventually end up here with that flu."

Squall felt his stomach do a funny sort of summersault. Although his face did not show it, he could clearly understand why the doctor was so concerned. What in the world is wrong with these kids can scare a T-rexaur into hiding?

It was the third time when Dr. Kadowaki called his name that he heard it, and looked up. He had not even been aware that he was rubbing his eyes until then. "Squall? Are you feeling alright? You look worse for ware."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping that well lately…" His voice trailed off when he realized what he was saying.

Dr. Kadowaki stood suddenly, but still reached over to pat his hand like a concerned parent. "Don't you start worrying on me. I'm hardly concerned about you falling under this. Hyne knows you run a busier schedule than all of us put together, so I'm not in least bit surprised that you're feeling it. A good night's sleep would do you a bit of good, I can tell you that much. Why don't you try it sometime? Even if it means sacrificing a night of all that paperwork I know you so love doing." The smirk on his face was even less prominent than the one before. "It's nice to see that you're making an attempt to smile anymore, Mr. Commander, even if it does look painful at times. And listen, I'm serious. You wouldn't believe how well you'd feel after you get a few extra hours of sleep in. And if you don't, then I'll make sure Rinoa will make you, and I know that she would jump at the opportunity."

Despite her rather stressed situation, it was still a comfort to see that she was still enjoyed the occasional joke. It made Squall feel a little better, and not as concerned as he was. If it was truly something serious, than the Garden doctor certainly would not be trying to make him fell better. "I know she would. Just let me know if the situation gets worse. Until then, all we can do is make sure that the junior cadets are back on their feet in the shortest amount of time possible."

"Until we figure out what's the problem, it's all we can do." The doctor agreed. Squall nodded, acknowledging it as the end of their meeting, turned and left the infirmary. Once outside, he sighed, leaning against the doorframe and rubbing his eyes. Just because they had defeated the threat of Ultimacia's evil plan, what - three years ago, four? - did not mean that life would be any easier.

Of course, Squall had his hands full with all the duties of commander of Balamb Garden, a task that seemed to hold surprises and problems twenty-four hours a day. He missed that scarce space of time they had just shortly after the defeat of the Sorceress and once the world was getting back to its feet, before the duties that they upheld before came back at them. But even then it was not as easy as it sounded. Nothing ever was. The defeat of Ultimacia did not mean that the world was going to be fine and dandy, even in the present.

For one, Esthar was a complete mess; the Lunar Cry had certainly taken its toll. The once grand city was almost broken, much like the spirits of its citizens, and the whole country was overrun with monsters of every shape and form. President Laguna Loire made constant requests to for SeeD to help take care of them, but no matter how many SeeDs were dispatched to Esthar, they made hardly a scratch in the horrendous amounts of monsters that to this day continued to grow and multiply. As many as ten squads were dispatched at a time, sometimes more depending on the situation. Squall found himself making requests to the other Gardens, Galbadia and Trabia, to dispatch their own SeeD to Esthar when their own numbers were running low. Assisting Esthar was still only one client among many that made requests to the missionary force. And, to make matters worse, dealing with Esthar also meant having to deal with Laguna personally. There were times when Squall would rather swallow his own tongue than having to deal with the president, after he discovered the truth.

But at least the money going back into Garden was a fitting enough reward for the hard work going into it. That was one of the nicer aspects about being employed by the richest country in the world, and Laguna certainly made sure that he paid for all the hard work SeeD was dealing with. And it was not just Balamb that was getting the benefits; all three of the Gardens were prospering. He was even putting enough money into it to help rebuild Trabia almost immediately after the Neo Sorceress Wars had ended. That was three years ago, and now Trabia was back and fully functioning as it had been before the Galbadian missile incident.

But it's not like it was all fun and games for the others when we returned. Squall reminded himself. The others who had been there with him during the battle with Ultimacia - his friends - had all had their hands full as well. As soon as Selphie realized that Laguna was going to assist in rebuilding Trabia, she was back on the Ragnorok and on her way up north to help out too. And, of course, Irvine was not too far behind, so there was a period when those two were gone for a lengthy period of time. Quistis had gotten her job as instructor back after proving all too well the qualities she seemed to have lacked before. Zell was finally given his chance to be the leader he always wanted to be and had been appointed to oversee the missions to Esthar whenever Squall could not do it himself, and that was fairly often anymore.

Galbadia had still proven to be somewhat of a problem, even after the Neo Sorceress Wars. The government was trying desperately hard to maintain its hold on the few territories it had left. One of which was still Timber, but with its military forces weakened after the death of Deling and the defeat of Ultimacia, it was not too hard to make sure that they stayed in order so peace could be maintained. This was a perfect opportunity for Rinoa to finish her liberation of Timber, which regained its freedom within a few months time. And once Timber and Dollet had their rightful independence back, it was a matter to make sure that Galbadia stayed in line, which included appointing a new president which, once again, Rinoa oversaw. Of course, this meant that they could not spend nearly as much time together as Squall wanted to, but it still had its benefits. Although it was truly not a test of strength and stamina on the battlefield as most SeeD tests were, it was still enough to initiate Rinoa in as a full-fledged SeeD along with her friends. As exciting as this was for her and the others, it was safe to say that good old Daddy Caraway was not as pleased. Or at least so it seemed… Squall had a feeling that the distance between him and his daughter was still to great for him to show anything that would count as intimate father/daughter feelings. But what would he know? Look who his father was, for Hyne's sake.

And as for Seifer and his posse… well, the decision on what to do with them had been quite a challenge. As expected, many people had strongly suggested kicking them out of Garden forever for treason against SeeD. For a while, Squall had considered this; he was especially grudging against Seifer for giving Rinoa to Adel, but his rational commander mind told him to think through a bit more before making the final decision. True, Seifer had served as the Sorceress's Knight, but that did not make him really evil. He was merely fulfilling his dream, for what he thought was good in his mind… Bringing Squall back to his own argument that there was no real good or evil in the world, only separate, extreme view points. Seifer may have caused some problems for them and played a part in commencing the Neo Sorceress Wars, but Squall could not expel him for living his dream. So, with much disagreement from his peers, Seifer, Fujin and Raijin were admitted back into Garden and were even allowed to pass first SeeD exam after things were back on track. Of course, it did not change things between them; Seifer was still Squall's number one rival, but at least he was not after blood anymore. There was now definitely an air of respect between them, although it still was faint and somewhat shaky.

That had all happened in the first year after the Neo Sorceress War, and it had all happened so fast that just thinking back to the incident made Squall's mind spin. Thankfully, things had slowed down somewhat since then. The only nice thing that came out of all of it that now the normal day-to-day work seemed like a walk in the park compared to everything that needed to get done before. And even through all the hustle and bustle of who were most likely the most active SeeD in the Garden, Squall was pleased to see that their relationships were not suffering.

If you had told Squall four years ago that he would fall heads-over-heels in love with an angel fallen to the earth, he would have probably looked at you as if you were nuts. But now…Rinoa was his life, his passion, his world. The thought of loosing her made his chest ache; he had never imagined it was humanly possible to feel so close, so humanly complete with another person, even if was an act as simple as holding their hand. And to make sure he never lost that feeling, the couple was making plans to marry next spring.

Irvine and Selphie were unmistakably a couple, and a close one at that; that in itself was not a surprise. Anyone could see that one coming. It was the same for Zell and his girlfriend, Tashlin, who spent every waking moment together when Zell was not away on a mission. Perhaps the only couple that none of them did not see coming was Seifer and Quistis; seeing them together was like a mental slap at first. Even today Squall could not understand why it was they hooked up; his best guess was their equally stubborn personalities was what pulled them together, in a strange, almost ironic way. But the two seemed close enough, and Quistis was even accepted by Fujin and Raijin, and that was really saying something.

"Squall!"

A very familiar and very beautiful voice shook him out of his thought, a silver bell tolling through the chaos of his mind. He looked up and almost smiled a real smile when he saw his fiancé running towards him, decked out in her SeeD uniform, long black hair falling loose around her shoulders. No matter how many times he saw her in it, he always thought she looked stunning, as if she was made to wear one. She greeted him in her usual; throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek before pulling away with an almost uncharacteristic serious look on her angel-like features, still holding onto his hand. "I've been looking all over for you! There's something I have to show you!"

"Is it really that important?" Squall did not mean to make it sound as prude as it was, but he had to organize the next squad to Esthar, to be dispatched in forty-eight hours. At least they would not have to travel far; Squall learned long ago that it was better to just park Balamb Garden in Esthar to cut down on energy and traveling time. And Rinoa knew better than to think he was blowing her off. She well knew of his busy schedule, but in return, he also knew that she would not bother him with something that would have wasted his time.

"Well…several people have come up to me and they're all kind of concerned. They thought that I should tell you." She looked a little nervous about this… was that a hint of fear in her eyes? "I saw it too and, it's…well…it's weird. I think you should see it yourself."

"Okay." Squall said without a second thought to what was waiting for him back at his office. Ever since the defeat of Ultimacia, there was very little that could shake Rinoa's spirit that burned as fierce as any fire spell. What was wrong that had spooked her like this? "Lead the way." She smiled at him, but the usually bright display seemed to almost be a little shadowed. She gave his hand another squeeze, turned and began to walk out of the infirmary hallway. Although the entire Garden knew that they were getting married in the next year, they still did not walk hand-in-hand, as much as both would have liked to. It was still important that they maintained their image as responsible role models SeeDs for the junior cadets, especially when they were in uniform. Besides, it was to avoid a lecture that they both knew Quistis was just itching to give them if she ever caught them.

Rinoa led Squall around the circular floor of Garden's first level, out beyond the front gates after clearing their departure with the SeeD who guarded the front gates. The monsters were more ruthless than they had ever been; at least back in Balamb they kept their distance from the Garden's front gates. Esthar was another story. Until Squall had placed guards up front, they would be getting creatures as dangerous as Toroma as far as the front hallways of Garden before they were defeated. He still shuddered at the memory of the one that had managed to cast a meteor spell inside the Garden walls before they brought it down.

"Rin, where exactly are we going?" Squall questioned a few moments later. If he had known they were going so far out, he would have grabbed Lion Heart first.

The young sorceress did not break her stride as she pressed on, and stopped at what was the public Cure drawpoint. "This." She said, gesturing towards the drawpoint. Squall looked at it for a moment, then back at her.

"And?"

The look that she gave to him was one of disbelief. "Squall, don't you notice?"

"Notice what?"

"The drawpoint…it's completely dry."

For a moment, that did not strike Squall as anything unusual. "It's nothing to get worked up about. Someone probably just drew from it a while ago."

"I don't mean it's dry as in someone just used it." Rinoa said in the tone of voice she got when she felt as if someone was not listening. "I mean it's empty like there's nothing there at all."

Squall did turn around at this, but said nothing. What was there to say?

With a slight pout on her lips, she seized his hand and pulled it to the drawpoint, directly over where the magic seeped out of its well. It was then Squall knew why she was so worked up.

The feeling over the drawpoint was…nothing. At least when someone drew from a drawpoint, there was a feeling of magical residue, not enough to get any power from, but just enough to tell you that it was a source of magic that would later replenish itself. What Squall was feeling now was one that there had been nothing there to begin with.

Squall shivered. He knew now why Rinoa was so worked up over this. It felt as if the bottom of his stomach has dropped away and ice had seeped into his blood.

He had never known such a feeling of such nothingness, such emptiness to ever exist.

It was as if the only thing that had ever been there was a hole in the ground.

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To be continued….

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Author's Note: Sorry it was short, but I hope it was okay. Not sure how long until I get the next chapter out…I have lots to update. If anything here is incorrect to the game, please e-mail me and let me know. I'll change it ASAP.