Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ A Knight In Hell's Eyes ❯ A Knight In Hell's Eyes ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Final Fantasy 8 or any of its characters. I have no affiliation with Squaresoft nor will I ever so please don't sue me for copyright infringement. And I don't own the song in this fic. "The Who" does. Oh, and I don't own them either.


A Knight In Hell's Eyes

No one ever said life was fair.

That's the one thing I keep forgetting. Because life isn't fair. Life is full of mysteries, tosses and turns, corners, and even a few bumps from time to time.

Life isn't a fairytale. Life doesn't have that "special someone" like in the movies.

Life can either be your best friend, or your worst nightmare.

But what would I know?

Lately, life hasn't been cherishing me with all its great glories. Life hasn't been giving, only taking. I've lived eighteen years and never saw the rising sun. Never saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Never saw the difference between the good and the bad.

A fool, that's what I've always been. They were right all along, but I'll never admit that. A man's pride is his only sense of actually being human. You have to know the difference between when you're wrong and when you're not.

Okay, so I've made a few mistakes here and there, big deal. Can you blame a guy for trying to achieve his dreams? I worked for all the things I got, no matter what it took. No matter what I risked. I showed that I actually strive for things above my reach and I actually got something out of it. Well, maybe not. Like at the end of any story, the guy gets the girl, gets the magnificent life. The guy's a hero.

The only thing I got was a bruised ego.

Yes, I am a fool. I went from one sorceress to the next, each with empty promises. Guess I wanted just a little too much. And "him"...That thieving little wussy stole the life I deserved. I mean, hey, I'm hip, I'm cool. Why wouldn't you want to hang out with a guy like me? I made up the disciplinary committee...well, okay, along with my pals, Fujin and Raijin.

Big deal. They said it themselves that we were through. That's it, no more Seifer's Posse. Great. Back to square one. But when they sided with that...THAT thing...That was the final straw.

Seifer, we want the old you back.

Pshhh. Give me a break. Yeah, Fujin, Raijin, we had fun. But no more games. If I have to do everything myself, then I will. ...But that was a long time ago.

I'm tired of playing this stupid role. Nothing's gonna change anyway. Squall...he has Rinoa, he's the heir to the Esthar Estate, he has all the friends that he could ever ask for, heck, he has Headmaster Cid and the rest of Garden bowing down to him.

What do I have?

Oh yeah, a bruised ego.

So, still playing the lap dog, Seifer?

No, the knight has retired.

I don't think I can forgive the family that deserted me in that orphanage with Chicken Wuss, and all of those other imbeciles. Since then, I've learned to never trust anyone. Trust is a waste of time and energy.

Yes, I'm tired now. A tired...old knight.

To be "Number One". What I wouldn't have given to have claimed that title. But not anymore. There aren't any adventures left in this world, unless you count Zell's new hot dog stand as one; NOT that I think anything about his cooking, mind you. Nah, no one even remembers the man after his dreams. The passionate, brave, daring romancer kissing the hand of every sorceress that promised him a dream. Okay, so I almost killed Rinoa, but it's not like I haven't said "Sorry" until I'm blue in the face.

So, do you have a dream? I do.

Or at least...

...I did...

So where do I stand now?

Looking up at the ceiling, I shift my position on the couch inside my dorm.

All right, and...

Guess I can't say that I didn't convince old man Cid to let me come crawling back into his good graces again with my tail between my legs. But that was only because Squall had said that he didn't want me standing outside the entrance of garden for the rest of my life.

It was just a stupid sympathy act, that's all.

Squall felt sorry for me and so he told Cid to assent to my pathetic pleas. Squall thinks that he can do everything just because he's teacher's pet. Just because he saved the world from certain death.

I'm still just the captain of the Disciplinary Committee--Or, I used to be. People don't see me as that anymore.

But that's not the point.

So what is?

Why doesn't anyone notice me? Why can't they see that I'm not really this way?

What...

What can make them understand?

Nothing. Why can't they really see me?

Because I'm Seifer Almasy, that's

...Dark...

...Seifer doesn't cry, doesn't smile, doesn't laugh. Seifer is just some hard headed, over-egotistical, bonehead that just entertains everyone. Just what? A push over?

Doesn't care about the consequences. He sided with Sorceresses who promised the world, and then they just threw a bone here and there to get him off their back.

Give me a break. I know my role in this world. It's not like there's a fan club with "Seifer's # 1!" as the title. And you know something else? It's boring. Sure, if I wanted to, I could take the SeeD Exam again, but why bother wasting my time? I'll just become another member of SeeD, not Squall Leonhart.

I'm nothing but a label of "problematic".

And I can't stand having anyone better than me. Just for once, I want the glory shined in my direction. I'm tired of having to be on the backburner because people are "too busy" to listen to me. That's what my parents did, and look where I am now.

No one bothers to understand me. They see Seifer Almasy and no one else. And that's all right with me. What else is new? I've seen this side of myself for so long that I've even named it after me and now what used to be me...

...the side of me that could actually cry...

...can't cry anymore... I drop my head into my hands and shut my eyes tight, trying to blot out the world. Trying to blot out the laughter and the conversations that go on among students who pass my dorm.

"Squall this," and "Squall that" ...Don't they ever get tired of talking about that over and over again?

"I am the dark angel", Ultimecia had once said. Maybe that was something I wanted her to say. I was a pawn for her, Adel, Edea, every one of them.

I was more surprised than anybody when I saw that even Rinoa had chosen Squall over me. Now I am just a forgotten memory of the past. There's no atonement for any of my sins. I don't want to try to start over.

I remember that Squall had tried to talk to me once, you know, to clear things up, and while I wanted to talk to him, I just couldn't let old feelings subside and I pushed him out of my way and stormed off.

Seifer will never be different. Seifer will never change.

Do you know how many times I hear people say that?

I do wish that I could change, but change is inevitable. That deep, dark hatred I have for this world won't let me amend my ways.

It's just that I want to be praised once in a while. But maybe while I go for the harder things, I miss what's really important. Did Squall see something that I couldn't? No, that's stupid.

But...

Even in the back of my mind, I can still hear the Sorceress's words...

...and they still send chills up the back of my spine.

Why? Why won't they go away!?

Haven't they ruined my life enough already? What more could they expect to pick from me now?

All right! I'll admit it! I'll admit to everything! Just please...!

...Please leave me alone...

I look down at my black leather gloves. They're soaked in tearstains. Smiling, I realize that I am finally free. Standing on my own two feet again. Right?

I walk to the window in my dorm and the sun greets my face. Gazing out on the horizon, I see the ocean stretch for miles, like something that would never end.

Would that be me too?

What would the world be like...

...without me?

Wiping the side of my cheek, I reach down into my bottom drawer and pull out the polished black revolver inside of it. Inexperienced as I was with such weapons, they were required to be in every student's dorm. I'm a swordsman, not a gunman.

Maybe I'll let Squall have his glory for once.

...I'll just sit back and watch for now...

I turn the doorknob and step into the bathroom.

...Yes, the knight has retired for now...

Fujin...Raijin...It was fun...

...For awhile...

But all good things must end sometime...

My time ends now...

I lock the door behind me and stare at my face in the mirror.

"Seifer", I say to myself, "You never fail to impress me. Now, how far will you go?"

I stop and listen to a familiar tune on the radio. Somehow, that song reminded me of my own self.


No one knows what it's like to be the bad man...

To be the sad man...

Behind blue eyes...


How far will you go? If you can't do it for yourself, remember your dream.

A romancer searching for a dream. You are the knight, are you not?

Now you're free of memories that can't be erased.


No one knows what it's like to be hated...

To be fated...

To telling only lies...


Placing the revolver to my temple, I smile and watch as the reflection in the mirror smiles back at me.

"Remember what they'll put on your tombstone, Seifer," I say, tightening my index finger around the trigger of the gun, "Here lies Seifer Almasy, a man who continues to search for his dream even in death. A knight..."

No, there had to be more of a title than that.

"A knight...in hell's eyes..." I whisper and nod my head as though I were agreeing to the face in the mirror.


But my dreams aren't as empty...

As my conscience seems to be...

I have hours, only lonely...

My love is vengeance...

That's never free...


Consider this...a challenge...

So I pull the trigger, and the gun falls from my hand. The music that I heard before seems to grow louder and louder inside my mind. Blood...my down the side of my face.

Blood stains the mirror and walls. I can't even see my reflection now.

Dark blood...My own.

Am I really dead?

But, I don't want to die now. I want to keep living.

But it's too late.


No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings...

Like I do...

And I blame you...


Tell me, have you ever tasted your own blood?

Standing proud...standing tall...

Did you know that there was a smile on my face, even as I closed my eyes for the very last time?


No one bites back as hard on their anger...

None of my pain and woe...

Can show through...


Of course there would be. The knight still stands now and forever.

No one can tear me down.

Yes...that's what I am...

A knight in hell's eyes.


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I wrote this way long ago. I usually don't post my old stories, but I didn't mind this one...

...too much...

Please R&R!

~ Kat