Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Body Switch ❯ I Don't Do Chocobos ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two - I Don't Do Chocobos

 

He stirred only slightly, a smile creeping across his face at the wonderful sensation coursing through him. Warmth... nice and wet warmth wrapped around his awakening cock and was slowly sucking him to life. Cloud hummed encouragingly in his throat as he struggled to pull himself to full wakefulness. It had been a long time since Tifa had woke him up with a blow job...

 

His eyes fluttered open slowly and he instantly winced as bright sunlight filtered through white blinds, shining directly into his eyes. He turned his head to avoid the sunlight and stared directly at a nightstand with a rather elegant lamp decorating it. Since when did he own a lamp like that? And wait... didn't the sun rise facing the other side of his house?

 

Or maybe it was just too early.

 

A tongue swiped across his cock and he made a noise in his chest as he reached a hand down, burying his fingers in... spiked hair?!? What the fuck?

 

Cloud jerked into a sitting position, staring down wide-eyed. “Shiva's Ice! Zack?” he exclaimed, mouth falling open in shock as he whipped his gaze around the room. Why didn't anything look familiar?

 

Crystalline blue eyes blinked up at him, only slightly amused. “You were expecting someone else to be in your bed?” Zack replied, a faint hint of laughter in his tone.

 

A fiery, red blush spread across Cloud's face as he scuttled backwards on his hands and feet, promptly falling off the bed in his haste to get away from Zack and Zack's dangerous, molesting tone. He hit the wooden floor with a thunk, knocking his head against the leg of the nightstand with his feet entangled in the remains of a pristine white sheet. A noise of soreness escaped his mouth as he winced.

 

Until Zack's head popped over the side of the bed. “Seph? You okay?”

 

“Sephiroth! Where?” Cloud squeaked, mortified to find that his voice had returned to his sixteen year old embarrassing days as he jerked to his feet, still entangled within the covers. His keen sight caught sight of a door and without thinking, he rushed towards it, ignoring the lingering effects of pleasure that rippled down his spine from the wake-up blow job.

 

“Seph?”

 

Zack's voice followed him and eyes wide with shock, he ducked into the door and promptly slammed it shut behind him. His fingers quickly found a lock and he turned it before leaning back against the door and heaving a sigh of relief. It didn't last long before a pair of fists pounded on the thick wood, demanding entrance. Cloud ignored them, staring around him to find that he had escaped to the bathroom... of someone else's house because it certainly didn't look like his own.

 

Confused, mortified, and very, very disturbed, he caught sight of a mirror out of the corner of his eye, hanging very innocently on the wall. Surreptitiously looking around, and clutching his entangled sheet-clothing tightly to his body, he crept towards the mirror, eyes closed half out of fear. Outside the door, Zack was yelling and banging his fists. Cloud ignored him.

 

He took a deep breath and very, very slowly cracked open his eyes as he gazed steadily into the mirror. He had all of a second to register green eyes and silver hair before a very unmanly, lady-like shriek of terror escaped his mouth, ringing loudly in the small, enclosed space. A moment later, darkness overtook him and he passed out on the floor, landing in a sprawled, very undignified position.

 

He was Sephiroth.

 

- - - - -

 

Zack was being unusually cuddly this morning, Sephiroth noticed faintly as he slowly stirred to life. A heavy and clutching warmth was attached to his side and his face was pressed tightly into it, nearly suffocating him. A muffled grunt escaped him as he tried to pull free, but found that an extremely tight hold was keeping him in place. He cracked open one eye as a desperate need for air attacked him.

 

Only to find himself staring at a very large, very tanned and very bare pair of breasts. And last time he checked, Zack didn't have one of those.

 

His eyes widened in shock as he flailed madly, trying to free himself from the woman's grip. He choked and gasped for air as his arms waved madly, succeeding in doing nothing but making him look like a moron. A female voice murmured something indistinguishable before his human blanket rolled over, releasing his face but throwing an equally bare leg over his. She then proceeded to rub her womanness all over him and that was the last straw.

 

With a cry of terror, he surged upwards and threw her off the bed where she landed with a terribly loud thunk. He briefly caught sight of her face, freaking out when he recognized Tifa and scrambled off the bed, heading for the nearest open door without even looking to see where he was going.

 

He head dived into a closet, landing among clothes and shoes and other such uncomfortable objects.

 

There was no time to consider such things as Tifa's head popped up from over the other side of the bed, looking faintly... aroused? Kami, help him. He squeaked in terror and grabbed the doors of the closet, slamming it safely shut in front of him. His heavy, scared breathing echoed all too loudly in the small space as he strained his ears for signs of the woman's approach. All the while, his mind was screaming, Who? What? When? Where? Why? HOW?

 

Something jiggled the lock. “Cloud, honey? We don't normally keep the toys in the closet.” She giggled and Sephiroth freaked, diving forward to wrap his hand around the knob, his greater strength preventing her from turning it.

 

“Toys?” he repeated, wondering why on Gaia she was calling him `Cloud'.

 

He could practically hear the devilish smirk that he was certain broke out across her face. “Remember? It's whips and chains day, sweetie. Now come let Mistress Tifa show you just how much of a bad boy you've been.”

 

Sephiroth whimpered. He honest to Kami whimpered. There was a reason he was gay. “Umm, I... uh... have a headache,” he replied, voice gaining in earnest as he realized it was a good excuse. “Yes, that's right, a terrible, pounding headache.” Erk, must not use words like pounding.

 

“No sex?” she ventured and he reluctantly imagined that she was pouting.

 

He clutched the doorknob tighter. “Umm, no. Not now.” Or ever. “Perhaps tomorrow?” After he escaped from the closet and ran away, never to see her again...

 

She squealed happily at this and blew him a kiss through the door. “I'm going to go shower then, sweetie kins. I've got to meet Rinoa for lunch. Feel free to think of me!” Her footsteps faded with a skipping beat as she flounced towards the bathroom.

 

He waited until he heard the door close, and the shower start, and a voice humming a bad rendition of Enrique Iglesias before he dared stick his nose out of the closet. He caught sight of himself, when he did so, in a mirror from across the room and his eyes widened in horror. He was not he, he was Cloud! Stifling a gasp of shock, he darted out of the closet, grabbed the nearest phone and dragged it back into his retreat.

 

Keeping one hand wrapped firmly around the door knob, just in case, Sephiroth rapidly dialed his home number. It made sense that if he was Cloud then Cloud was him... right?

 

It rang for all of two seconds before Zack's voice came through the receiver and Sephiroth nearly wept for joy. “Hello? Hojo and Loire residence.” There was a pause as Zack dipped the phone away from his mouth, speaking to someone other than Sephiroth. “Get your ass out of the bathroom, Seph! I'm horny!”

 

The silver-haired man winced. “Zack?”

 

“Cloud?” the other man questioned, clearly confused as to why his lover's rival would be calling him. There was the sound of loud rapping as Zack diverted his attention back to whatever was happening on the other line. “Come on, Seph! What's the big deal? It's just our morning quickie!”

 

Sephiroth sweat-dropped visibly. “Umm, yeah, it's me. Can I talk to Clo—I mean, can I talk to Sephiroth?” The irony that he was acting to speak to himself when he once played the part of a man with a split-personality problem was not lost on him.

 

“Che.” Zack grunted, banging on the door with his fists once more. “He's in the bathroom hiding for some reason.” More thuds resounded, even louder than before. “Seph! You've been gay for years! Ain't no changing that now!”

 

The man hiding in the closet coughed loudly to regain his lover's attention. “Just slide the phone under the door,” he suggested loudly before pausing to listen for sounds of a shower running. “Tell him it's me.”

 

Zack muttered something under his breath that Sephiroth did not quite catch before the unmistakable sound of a foot slamming into a door filtered through the phone. “Yo, Seph. Cloud's on the phone.”

 

There was a silence as Sephiroth strained to hear before he faintly detected the sound of his own voice. “Really? Give it to me.” The tone was relieved, Sephiroth noticed.

 

“Here he is,” Zack mumbled, clearly sounding put out as the phone made weird noises. Sephiroth could only assume that the phone was being slid under the door. The earpiece than crackled, clanked and there was a muffled curse before the strange sound of his own voice came through.

 

“Sephiroth?”

 

The man trapped in the closet heaved a sigh of relief. “Then I'm not going crazy,” he replied, pausing to strain his ears for the sound of the shower. It was still safely running. No busy brunettes would be coming out to molest him just yet.

 

A growl echoed through the receiver. “You bastard. What did you do?”

 

Sephiroth rolled his green eyes. It was typical. Cloud blamed everything on him, even when it had been his own absentminded mistake. “Don't point this at me. We have to meet to figure this out, Cloud.”

 

There was a long, drawn-out pause as Cloud listened to a voice that was muffled to Sephiroth's ears. It was followed by the sound of a fist banging on the door before Cloud quickly replied. “Goddammit! I have a headache, Zack! Go take care of it yourself.” There was another pause as Cloud heaved a sigh. “No, I don't want to watch!”

 

The phone crackled. “You know the Velvet Nightmare Cafe on 34th street?” Cloud asked, finally speaking to Sephiroth as he raked fingers through his hair before realizing that it was silver lengths and not blond spikes. Geez, what did Sephiroth wash his hair with? Liquid satin?

 

The other man nodded despite the fact that Cloud couldn't see him. “Yes. It's just up the block from your place.”

 

“Good. Meet me there in twenty minutes.” A blue gaze darted around the bathroom before a smirk graced his lips. “I'm climbing out the window.”

 

Just then, the sound of water shutting off, accompanied by the knocking of pipes was Sephiroth's last warning. He freaked so quickly that a shriek escaped his lips as he dove out of the closet, grabbing the first item of clothing he could find. “I'll be there in ten!” he gasped into the phone before throwing it over his shoulder and darting for the hallway.

 

The bathroom door opened just then, letting out clouds of steam as Tifa stepped into the bedroom clad in nothing more than a towel wrapped around her waist. Sephiroth stared with a distinct deer in headlights look before leaping headfirst out of the room and careening down the hallway. He headed for the front door, scooping up a pair of shoes as he threw open the lock and skidded out into the hallway.

 

“Cloudie! Where are you going? Snookie bear?”

 

Tifa's horrific nicknames followed his escape and a full body shudder wracked the actor. His day simply couldn't get any worse.

 

- - - - -

 

Cloud stormed through the main doors of Velvet Nightmare Cafe with a thunderous cloud hanging over his head. Really, the constant pitter-patter of rain was quite annoying. Still, the moment he threw open the flowery painted doors, his gaze swept over all the patrons inside, none of whom seemed to notice his grand and abrasive entrance. He immediately spotted his own body sitting at a table.

 

His mood darkened even further.

 

Sephiroth was wearing a shirt that he thought he had thrown out years ago. The pink `Go! Go! Power Rangers!' displaying Kimberly was way out of style... even back then. Not to mention that the man had grabbed his ratty old lounging about the house sandals and he hadn't even done his hair properly! It hung limply around his face, making him look like a drowned... chocobo, for lack of a better word. He looked worse the wear, too. Very haggard and his eyes kept darting nervously about.

 

Not that Cloud cared. His anger boiled over and with a snarl, he began yelling as he stalked across the cafe. “You!” he bellowed, gratified to notice Sephiroth in his body jump and whip around. “This is your fault!” The accusation was followed by his finger as he stuck it in Sephiroth's face.

 

“Me?” the other man returned, batting away the finger in front of his nose, threatening to shove up the left nostril. “I'm the one who woke up almost smothered... by breasts!” He shuddered as the memory returned and he promptly pushed it aside, trying to drudge up any and all gay porn to clear away the frightening images. Mmmm, Bleach slash. He began picturing Byakuya and Ichigo (shameless author self-promotion here) until Cloud's snarl shoved him back to reality.

 

Literally.

 

“Like that's a big deal!” Cloud yelled back, poking him the shoulder. “Your stupid boyfriend was molesting me when I woke up.”

 

Sephiroth snorted, crossing his arms over his pink t-shirt. “Che. Only because he thought you were me.” He stuck his nose in the air, quite pleased with that fact.

 

His own eyes stared back at him for all of a moment before Cloud let loose a cry of rage and buried his fingers in his silver hair, wanting to tear it out from sheer frustration. “I'm blaming this on you so you better fix it!” he cried, face purpling very unattractively.

 

The other man gasped. “Stop that!” he whined, batting Cloud's hands away from his gorgeous silver strands. “You'll rip it out!”

 

Green eyes fixed him with a glare. “Shut up!” Cloud growled. “And fix whatever it is you did.” He snorted, adding under his breath, “Pansy.”

 

Sephiroth rolled his eyes. “Why would I want to be stuck in your scrawny body when I could be receiving adoring fans in mine?” he demanded, gesturing towards the lovely physique standing right in front of him. “Were you born this stupid?”

 

At this point, they were beginning to gather quite a crowd. Considering their strange behavior and even stranger words, it was to be expected. And many of the patrons in the Velvet Nightmare Cafe were recognizing them from their roles. A few fangirls, obviously of the yaoi persuasion, screamed MOE!! as they passed out on the floor.

 

Yet, neither man paid this any attention. Cloud promptly stuck a finger back in Sephiroth's face, dangerously close to popping out of his own eyeballs. “You better not be doing anything gross with my body!”

 

Sephiroth batted the protrusion away once more and rose to his feet, coffee forgotten on the table. He sneered. “Gross? What are you, seven? Besides, I wouldn't touch you if someone paid me. I don't do chocobos.”

 

The other man's right eyebrow twitched as a deathly silence flitted through the room. Cloud's brow twitched again and then a second later, a cry of rage was spilling from his lips as he tackled Sephiroth to the floor, hands reaching for his neck. “Alien toting freak!” he cried, accidentally spitting all over the other man's face.

 

Sephiroth was quick to fight back as they began grappling all over the floor. “Which personality is it today, huh, Cloud?” Sephiroth sneered as he jerked an elbow into the other man's collarbone, pleased at the quiet cry of pain that escaped. “Shall we go with Beat up Aeris! or Dress Like a Woman!” They rolled over on the floor, knocking over several chairs and narrowly missing yanking down a tablecloth.

 

“Why don't you go do something useful with your mouth and suck dick!” Cloud argued, kneeing Sephiroth in the belly.

 

“Anyone but yours!” the other man countered on the tail end of a gasp.

 

Splash!

 

Suddenly, a pitcher of icy cold water was thrown onto both men, soaking them to the bone. Their rage instantly cooled as they started to shiver, the fight ceasing in that moment, though they remained entangled. Two pairs of confused eyes looked up to find that the entire cafe was staring at them. And the perpetrator of the icy water attack was none other than the very displeased manager. He was even tapping a foot at them.

 

“As much as we love hearing your business,” the man sniped, as he handed over the empty pitcher to one of his waitresses and placed his hands on his hips in a very gay fashion. “You two should just fuck and get it over with.”

 

Cloud tilted his head to the side, something striking him as vaguely familiar about that man. “Yazoo?”

 

Instantly, the manager flushed as Sephiroth stirred from his position half-on and half-off Cloud. “What're you doing here?” he added, blinking in confusion. Suddenly, the name of the cafe made all too much sense.

 

Yazoo kicked them, catching Cloud in the ankle and Sephiroth in the thigh. “It's your fault,” he spat. “I didn't even get my own fight scene in Advent Children! What the hell was up with that, huh? Money doesn't last long when you only get paid for a minor role and the damn hair dye won't come out.” He pouted as he fingered his long silver strands with a melancholy look on his face. “I miss my red hair...”

 

Cloud rubbed his aching ankle, a scowl implanted on his face. “Umm, that's nice,” he ventured, wondering if Yazoo would strike again if driven to it. He started to untangle himself from Sephiroth and ease away. “But... we have to be going now.”

 

Sharp golden eyes, free of colored contacts, pinned him down immediately, with that same disturbingly, alluring stare he had perfected for his role in Advent Children. “Not until you explain why you two were fighting in my coffee shop.”

 

The two men exchanged glances as they shifted uneasily on the floor. The moment passed all too slowly for Yazoo's patience and with an eerie look of glee on his face, another round of icy cold water splashed over them, soaking what was left dry of their clothing. Glaring, Cloud rubbed more water out of his eyes while Sephiroth coughed and sputtered, being unfortunate enough to have taken in a breath right before the attack.

 

“There!” Yazoo said, planting another hand on his hip. “So tell me.”

 

With a sigh, Sephiroth plucked miserably at his limp, blond spikes and began to relay the story, much to Cloud's embarrassment. He tried to wring the water from his t-shirt as Sephiroth spoke, but it was to no avail.

 

When he finished, Yazoo looked at them, an incredulous expression on his face. The entire cafe had gone into a stunned silence as the manager blinked before suddenly bursting into loud laughter. “Oh, that's rich!” he cawed, clutching his belly as more of the giggles escaped from his mouth. The two rivals cast him very sour expressions.

 

Once he had had a good laugh, much to their chagrin, Yazoo sobered and flicked a stray strand of silver hair from his eyes. “Well, it's obvious, don't you think?” he questioned, small chuckles still escaping. “The last place you went together was The Flying Oyster, right?”

 

Two pairs of eyes widened in dual understanding. “Trixie!” both men growled at the same time, their faces darkening with anger.

 

Yazoo blinked again. “Trixie?” He put one finger on his chin, turning his gaze towards the ceiling as he contemplated the name. “Now why does that name sound familiar...?”

 

Lost in thought, he failed to notice the two rivals crab-walking slowly to the door, determined to exit before they were charged for damages. Yazoo continued to murmur to himself as they crept out the door, dripping water and chunks of ice to the pavement as they escaped.

 

Outside, the two men finally felt as if they could breathe again. “Why didn't you tell me that was Yazoo's shop?” Sephiroth demanded after a moment's pause, whirling on his rival.

 

Shooting him a death glare as he wrung water from long hair, Cloud humphed. “I didn't know, dumbass.” He stuck his nose in the air as he turned on his heels, presenting his back to the other man.

 

His left eyebrow twitched, Sephiroth was certain of it. The urge to strangle rose up in him so strong; he had actually lifted up both of his hands and took a step towards Cloud. Luckily, a loud `wark!' caused him to leap several feet in the air and turn towards a bright yellow set of chocobos with guilt plain on his expression.

 

“Howdy!” A man greeted, tipping back his straw hat as a piece of the dried grass bounced gaily between his lips. He gestured towards the chocobo driven cart in front of him. “You fellers need a ride?”

 

Sephiroth's eyes flickered from him to his ratty chocobos, shooting them a wary stare. However, Cloud on the other side of him, was simply ecstatic. His eyes gleamed with glee as he clapped his hands together. “Real chocobos!” he exclaimed, hurrying forward to pet one of the bright yellow birds on the head. “It's been a long time since I've gotten to pet one!”

 

The other man rolled his eyes. Cloud was such a dork. But still cute, if he squinted. “We need to get to the Flying Oyster. Ever heard of it?”

 

The man hummed and pursed his lips, still chewing noisily on the straw. “Sure have!” he bellowed, thumping his chest. “Climb on up. I can get ya there in a jiffy.”

 

“Much appreciated,” Sephiroth replied, tipping his head in thanks as he seated himself on the small wooden bench that was pretty much all there was to the chocobo driven cart. “Come Cloud.”

 

The other man sniffed but did as he was told, clearly too excited by the chocobos to offer up an argument.

 

The man clucked his tongue and the cart took off quickly, far more than Sephiroth had expected and in the process, throwing him against Cloud. He thought to protest, but on the next violent curve, Cloud chose to cling to Sephiroth instead as the two of them held on for dear life. His earlier assessment of the hick had been wrong.

 

They weren't yellow chocobos; they were gold chocobos!

 

Less than five minutes later, despite the restaurant's address being located on the other side of the town, the carriage came to a screeching halt, sending both of its passengers flying out of their seats and into a rather large, leafy bush. Looking rather frazzled, with greens sticking out of their hair, the two men untangled themselves from the shrubs, sending death glares to the driver. He accepted them, unperturbed, as he chewed on the straw in his mouth.

 

“Gotcha here fast, didn't I?” the man commented smugly, pushing the rim of his hat up with one finger.

 

“You could have killed us,” Cloud muttered, brushing leaves from his clothing as he watched Sephiroth pluck a bird's nest from one of his blond spikes.

 

The man shrugged. “Yer still livin' aintcha?” he questioned before suddenly, recognition dawned on his face. “Say... you two look familiar. Ain't you them--”

 

“No,” Sephiroth inserted hastily. “Just your regular average Joes having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” He grabbed his companion by the arm, jerking him none too gently away from the bush. “Come Cloud.”

 

The driver shrugged again, and turned his attention to the chocobos. “Well, pleasure to lend a hand. Have a good day, younguns.” With that said, he clucked his tongue and the carriage disappeared in a spray of dust and wind, blinking out of sight within seconds.

 

Coughing, both Sephiroth and Cloud waved their hands frantically through the air to dispel the dust cloud. Once it dissipated enough that they could see, they trained their eyes across the road, expecting to find themselves standing in front of the Flying Oyster as they had requested.

 

Cloud's wail of frustration could be heard clear on the other side of town.

 

“Whirlwind Lancer Alley,” the sign proudly proclaimed, “Your best choice for bowling and skating today. Come in for a special offer!”

 

“What?” Sephiroth exclaimed. “A bowling alley?” He looked around, trying to be sure they were in the right place.

 

Beside him, Cloud's hand automatically dug into his pocket, pulling out a wallet. He rifled through the cards and pictures, many of which were Zack in lewd poses, surprisingly enough to cause a blush to rise to his face. He tried to push down the strange tingle of interest that raced down his spine as he hurriedly flipped through to the business cards, finally finding the one he sought.

 

“1187 West Avenue,” he read aloud before his gaze flickered to the street sign not too far and the number above the door on the building. They were at the right address. It was there, clear as day, on the card in Cloud's hand.

 

Sephiroth's eyes narrowed, still unconvinced, and he reached into his pocket, this time pulling out a cell phone. Propped up on his tiptoes to peer over Cloud's shoulder, he quickly input the number. It rang twice while he shifted from foot to foot impatiently, before a voice quickly picked up, sounding pubescent with annoying, pounding music booming in the background.

 

“ `Ello, Whirlwind Lancer Alley, atcher service! Our specials today are--” Sephiroth hung up.

 

Cloud shook his head. “Impossible,” he exclaimed. “It was just here last night! We were just here! It's the Twilight Zone or something. It has to be.” He began to peer around. “Or maybe we're on Candid Camera. Do you see a camera anywhere? I thought that went out years ago, though.” Suddenly, he gasped, one hand slapping himself in the forehead. “Dear god, we've been punked!”

 

The older male rolled his eyes. “Dumbass,” he swore under his breath before grabbing Cloud's arm and pulling him across the road, oblivious to the honking of the other vehicles. Cloud resisted of course, until he realized the logic behind Sephiroth's actions. Still, he yanked his arm free from the other man's hold.

 

“I can walk on my own!” he snapped, cradling the offended appendage.

 

Sephiroth simply smirked and strode up to the gaily-painted glass door, yanking it open and gesturing broadly. “Ladies first,” he suggested salaciously. His eyes practically glinted with mischievousness.

 

Seconds later, suffering from a rather large knot on the top of his head, the actor strode in after a self-satisfied Cloud, letting the door slam shut behind him. It took a moment for their eyes to adjust to the dim, but instantly their other senses went on high alert. Stale popcorn, fresh hotdogs, chattering voices and the unmistakable clunk and tap of skates and bowling balls quickly filtered to their minds.

 

It definitely did not look like a Wutaiian restaurant.

 

“Ah, kind sirs.” A voice greeted them upon their interest, striding up to both men with a huge grin on her face. “You are in luck, rates for couples are half-off today.”

 

“We're not a couple!” the two men responded simultaneously before turning to glare at each other. Lightning crackled.

 

“Jinx!” Cloud exclaimed smugly, socking Sephiroth in the arm despite that wasn't how the rules worked. “You owe me a Coke.”

 

The other man sniffed. “I owe you nothing,” he declared, eyebrow twitching. He jabbed Cloud in the shoulder with a finger. “You need to learn the rules, dumbass.”

 

Cloud batted his finger away. “Quit calling me that, pansy-boy.”

 

Glares returned full force. The urge to battle rose again, until the woman that had greeted them earlier quickly stepped in, surprisingly less chipper than before. “Here at the Whirlwind Lancer, we don't abide by violence gentlemen,” she inserted hastily before smiling somewhat nervously. “Now, what kind of ticket can I get for you today?”

 

“No ticket,” Cloud answered, shooting Sephiroth a look of annoyance. “We want to speak to the manager of this place.”

 

She blinked at him stupidly before suddenly whipping out a walkie-talkie from nowhere, perhaps a secret pocket of existence attached to her barely there clothing. Her face instantly turned hard as she began speaking into the receiver in clipped, annoyed tones. The two rivals exchanged glances before realizing that they were actually behaving somewhat civilly towards each other.

 

Immediately trying to rectify that, they sniffed disdainfully in unison, crossed their arms over their chest and turned their backs on one another.

 

“The manager is happy to see you!” the woman chirped, back to her pleasant self. “If you would follow me please?” She twirled on her heels, a definite twitch to her shapely hips as she led them away from the pulsing throb of teen-beat out in the skating rink and towards a darkened hallway that presumably led to the offices.

 

Cloud shivered at the darkness, not lit with flourescent and neon like the rink and lanes beyond. Here, it was almost as if the shadows were alive and reaching. He squinted at one point, almost believing that he saw yellow eyes gleaming at him. Unconsciously, he edged closer to Sephiroth, not noticing that the other man had surreptitiously stepped closer to him as well.

 

The woman, who had never introduced herself, stopped at the last door on the hall and without knocking, threw the door open with a loud bang. Smiling, sharp green eyes faintly amused, she gestured them inside.

 

Sephiroth wasn't sure he liked the woman, and squinted in the darkness, trying to read her nametag. It started with an “L” he thought, but couldn't be positive. Shrugging, he stepped forward and moved to walk into the office, only to collide with Cloud's back. The man had halted in the doorway, mouth gaping as he gawped at whatever was within.

 

Curious, Sephiroth leaned over and peered around Cloud in his taller body. What he saw made him smirk, especially when he caught the blush on Cloud's cheeks in response.

 

Despite the fact that the manager had known they were coming, he seemed otherwise occupied. If jamming his tongue down another man's throat was something Sephiroth called `occupied'. And his hands were no less busy, shamelessly groping the other male. He didn't know which was which.

 

Suddenly, hands shoved against their backs and both Sephiroth and Cloud stumbled into the room. The door was closed behind them with a slam and the woman's laughter could be heard echoing down the hall on the other side. Yet, neither dark-haired man, currently trying to swallow each other's tongues seemed to notice.

 

Cloud cleared his throat.

 

The one with the eyepatch reached for a belt.

 

Cloud coughed loudly, knowing he was supposed to look away, but finding he somehow couldn't. Beside him, Sephiroth was getting more and more amused.

 

The guy with sideburns was pushed further onto the desk, a slow moan of pleasure escaping his mouth.

 

“Where's a fire extinguisher when you need one?” Cloud muttered under his breath.

 

Eyepatch-man paused in his movements, looking over his lover's shoulder with one gleaming eye. “If ya don't mind,” he drawled, pressing closer to the other man. “I'm busy so state your business and leave.”

 

Cloud huffed. “Rude.”

 

Sideburns-man grunted. “You're the one watching us make out, moonman. Whatcha want?”

 

Sensing that this was about to degenerate into an argument that Sephiroth really didn't have the patience for, he stepped in. Elbowing Cloud firmly in the side and watching with satisfaction when the boy choked and sputtered, stumbling away, Sephiroth addressed the two `busy' men in front of him.

 

“Yesterday, this location was the Flying Oyster Restaurant,” he stated simply.

 

There was a moment of silence before both dark-haired men burst out laughing. Deep and full chuckles filled the room as Eyepatch shook his head. “Sorry, man. But I've owned this place for eight years and it's always been here.” He flicked his fingers at them. “Go fuck or something, ya? Good day.”

 

As if to further show his dismissal, he promptly returned to trying to suck his partner's face off, witnesses or no witnesses. Sideburns seemed more than happy to agree, wrapping his legs around Eyepatch and drawing him closer with a firm tug.

 

Cloud, having regained his breath, shot both men a glare as he simultaneously tried not to be distracted by slick tongues sliding together. “But--”

 

“I said, `good day'!” Both men sharply cut in at the same time.

 

Stunned, Cloud simply stood there and blinked until Sephiroth grabbed him by the arm and promptly tugged him from the room. The sounds of wet kissing and zippers lowering followed their hasty exit. Even if Sephiroth wouldn't have minded lingering. He was gay, wasn't he?

 

Safely outside, having escaped the blond woman from earlier's attempts to encourage them to play bowling, the two dejected men sat on the edge of the sidewalk, thoroughly at a loss for what to do. Clearly, there was some sort of foul something at work. Either that or the cosmos was thoroughly pissed at them. Or Cloud specifically, since Sephiroth was certain no one or nothing could take one look at him and be pissed off extensibly. Why he had gotten dragged into Cloud's humiliation was beyond his comprehension.

 

Suddenly, Cloud stirred, an idea brewing in his eyes. He leapt to his feet, narrowly missing being clipped by a bike messenger. His fist thumped his palm. “I've got it!” he exclaimed excitedly, nearly jumping up and down in girlish glee. “Yuffie!”

 

“Yuffie,” Sephiroth repeated flatly, not understanding where the man was going. The ninja-actress was not on his list of favorite people.

 

Cloud rolled his eyes. “She's Wutaiian, right? So she must know something.”

 

The other man was skeptical. “She's also loud and annoying and a thief to boot.”

 

Cloud waved him off with a regal, dismissive air. “You want to stay stuck in my body?” he retorted, rhetorically.

 

The horrified look on his rival's face was all the answer he needed.

 

Smiling smugly, Cloud continued. “See? Let's go. She lives on 71st street.” He flicked his fingers at Sephiroth. “Call a taxi.”

 

And so it began.

 

- - - - - -