Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Choose. ❯ Choose. ( One-Shot )

Warnings: Violence, angst, language.

 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy 8 characters or their affiliates and I am not making any money off this fic.

 

Author's Notes: My entry for the Sacrificial Spring contest for MediaMiner. It's the first time I've entered a MM contest! I hope you enjoy the fic.

Choose.

 

~KittyMeowMaxwell.

 

Kan you make the choice? Would you pick one above the other? Which dies? Which lives? Which kan you lose? Their fate is in your hands. Pick. Choose. Decide!

 

Irvine woke in a cold sweat, sitting bolt-upright in bed and panting. His eyes darted restlessly around the room and it took him a lot longer than it should have to realise he'd been dreaming. He clutched at the sheets, staring vacantly down at the rumpled silk and wondered why he kept having the same dream. Twice or even three times was coincidence, every night for over a week was more than that.

 

It flashed across the back of his eyes and screwed them shut, rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyelids hard enough to make stars burst in his vision. Still, the sight of them chained, bleeding, broken, remained.

 

“Fuck…” he swore softly.

 

“Baby?”

 

He actually flinched at the voice, and flinched even harder when Zell's hand touched his hip. Before the fighter could ask what was wrong, or draw him back down, Irvine slid out of their bed and went across the room, muttering something about using the bathroom. He shut and locked the door behind him and gave a violent shudder.

 

Catching sight of himself in the mirror, Irvine had to admit he looked a mere shadow of his usual self. His eyes were dulled and shadowed underneath and he couldn't even force a smile for himself. He propped his weight on his hands against the edge of the porcelain sink and stared at the reflection. He wasn't sleeping or eating properly, and all he could think about was that dream.

 

I wish Seifer were here… he thought, reaching out absently to turn on the tap and drop the plug into the drain so the sink began to fill. They hadn't seen hide nor hair of the third part of their unconventional relationship for over a week now, since he'd left on a mission.

 

Seifer had been conscious of impressing the entire Garden staff from the moment he and Irvine had made SeeD, and even before that. He carried the guilt from the things he'd done under Ultimecia's control, and nothing anyone said could absolve it. So he continued to push himself, had even resisted Irvine and Zell in the beginning. He insisted he didn't deserve them.

 

And since he'd left, Irvine had been dreaming the same dream, every detail identical, right down to the last drop of blood scattered across the cold floor.

 

Ultimecia's castle… I don't… I'm scared… I'm scared…

 

But he couldn't tell Zell. He couldn't bear to burden his grinning lover with it, and it could only be his own anxieties playing out. Ultimecia was gone. They'd made sure of it themselves.

 

I wish Seifer were home.

 

“Irvine…?” Zell's voice came through the door and he knocked lightly.

 

“I'm fine,” Irvine said, splashing his face with the cold water in an effort to do something about the way it looked. It didn't help at all and he sighed lowly, pulling the plug then drying his face off.

 

He managed to smile for Zell as he opened the bathroom door, but the fighter didn't look convinced. Irvine didn't blame him. He sure wasn't convinced.

 

“Ir-”

 

“Just hold me, Zell… please…” Irvine cut in, a tear sliding down his cheek despite every effort he made to stop it.

 

Zell didn't hesitate. He drew Irvine into his arms and picked him up off his feet, carrying him back to the bed and laying down with him. He gathered him close and stroked his long hair, and Irvine was glad when the fighter didn't say anything.

 

The sharpshooter soon drifted into a restless sleep.

 

Kan you choose?

 

- - - - - - -

 

Thunder rolled across the sky and for the second time in however many hours, Irvine jerked awake.

 

Zell was gone.

 

Lightning struck again. The room flashed lurid purple as Irvine's eyes searched for his lover. A crumpled bit of paper lay in the middle of the floor and Irvine, tangled in the sheets in his haste, fell out of bed and had to crawl to it. Thunder broke overhead with enough force to rattle the windowpanes, and the rain fell hard enough to mute the lights of the rings encircling Balamb Garden.

 

Irvine,

I had a call from Ma. She's feeling pretty sick and she's being a big softy because of it, so I've gone to Balamb to visit her. I won't be gone too long.

 

The note didn't ring true. It was Zell's writing, but it was hurried and messy, unlike the fighter's usual pedantically perfect hand. The last “g” wasn't even properly finished, but scrawled off and bit into the paper hard enough to make a hole. Then Irvine noticed blood soaked one corner of the note and his heart leapt into his throat.

 

He made a decision and, dressing quickly, he grabbed up Exeter and hurried out of his room, intent on finding Zell, even if he had to walk all the way to Balamb in the rain. A vague fear made his hands tremble a little as he broke into a run along the dormitory corridor.

 

After a long few moments where all he could hear was the pounding of his feet and his heart, the corridor was lit with a flash of purple lightning, showing in sharp relief a ragged tear across the metal of the wall. The darkness inside of it was deeper than that outside the window and it struck terror to his core.

 

Despite that terror, he knew he had to enter. He swallowed hard, tightened his grip around his gun, and stepped into the tear. Behind him, lightning flashed again, but the portal snapped shut before he heard the thunder.

 

Damn…

 

Slowly, light flared around him, bobbing flames that seemed to be floating in mid air with nothing to hold them. He swallowed and stepped forward, following the path they marked out. The further he went, the brighter it got. Flagstone appeared under his feet, then around him and above him. He could see the corridor he was walking down. After a short time, the corridor melted into stairs that spiraled down into darkness.

 

It seemed he walked for an age, yet only a heartbeat before screams came to his ears, pleas for mercy. He knew the voices, knew neither was pleading for himself but for the other, and he knew the place, he knew the scene that would play out before him, he knew what he was walking into. But he couldn't bear to let them suffer, so he moved into a run.

 

The light in the room was blinding after the dimness of the stairway and he had to cover his eyes with his arm for a long moment before he could look.

 

There they were, as he'd known they would be. Shackled to the wall, chained and bloodied. He couldn't think about what she'd been doing to them. Seifer was glaring at her, but Zell had any expression carefully masked. He was a fighter, he wouldn't let her see any pain or anger.

 

“Ah. Here, our guest of honor. Welkome, Mr. Kinneas…”

 

Zell's mask broke and horror showed on his face as he cried; “Irvine! You shouldn't have come!”

 

Irvine said nothing, only gave Zell an “are you stupid?” look.

 

“How are you here?” he asked, eyes cutting to Ultimecia, but he knew the answer already.

 

“Well… That is the question, is it not? Truly, I am not. I am little more than a memory. Seifer's memory, brought to reality by his terror of me…”

 

Seifer snorted.

 

“And more than a couple of stray spells. Arrogant bitch…”

 

Ultimecia lifted a hand and snapped at Seifer. His back arched and he gritted his teeth to keep from screaming.

 

“Stop it!” Zell cried. “Leave him alone! Haven't you done enough to him?!”

 

The sorceress laughed and lowered her hand. Seifer hung from his shackles, panting, head bowed and Irvine moved to go to him, but Ultimecia lifted a hand again.

 

“Do not even think it, Kowboy…”

 

Irvine shuddered. There was something inherently wrong about her using one of Seifer's favourite names for him. She floated over to him, running her fingertips down his throat and across his shoulder as she moved around behind him.

 

“Get your fucking hands off him!” Seifer growled in the same moment as Zell hissed; “Don't touch him!”

 

She just laughed as they struggled against their chains and Irvine didn't move.

 

“They are very possessive…” she observed, combing her fingers through his ponytail. That made Zell, in particular, literally growl.

 

“They love me,” Irvine replied softly, eyes flickering between each of them.

 

“They love you…” she sneered. “And you love them, don't you…?”

 

“Yes…” he whispered.

 

“Would you die for them?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“No!” Zell cried. “Let him go!”

 

“But here is a question, Mr. Kinneas. Would they die for you, or for each other…?”

 

Irvine remained silent, tears already pooling in his eyes. He knew what she was going to ask him, and he didn't want her to. He knew he couldn't find an answer for her.

 

“No…” he whispered. “Please…”

 

“I'd die for them,” Seifer said emphatically. “I'd die for them.”

 

“Not if I died for you first, Seifer. I'd die for my lovers,” Zell whispered.

 

“Well… this is interesting. You all would die for each other, but which will die? Irvine…” Her mouth was against his ear, sending shivers of revulsion under his skin.

 

“Get away from him!” both Zell and Seifer snarled, almost in unison.

 

The sorceress smirked at them over the sharpshooter's shoulder and slid her arms about him, one across his shoulders and the other around his waist. Her fingernails dug into him through his clothes.

 

“Irvine, this is your decision. Which will live, and which will die? Which lover will you sakrifice, so the other may live?”

 

Irvine shook his head and saw horror in both his lovers' eyes. Of course, they hadn't known that was coming, but he had. He dropped his gaze and closed his eyes, hands fisting at his sides, and he realised suddenly that Exeter was gone.

 

“I love them both,” Irvine whispered.

 

“That was not what I asked, Mr. Kinneas. I asked which you kan bear to sakrifice so the other might live. Else, I will take them both from you.” She let go of him and sauntered over to the bound men, running her fingernails across first Zell's chest, then Seifer's, pressing hard enough to draw blood. Neither of them even flinched.

 

He loved them so much…

 

“Which shall I kill, Kowboy? Which deserves to lose his life for the other?”

 

She curled her fingers around Seifer's neck, pressing a fingernail into his throat. He bared his teeth at her, and swallowed reflexively, breath hitching briefly. Smirking, she returned her gaze to Irvine.

 

“Irvine…”

 

The sharpshooter flinched at the soft sound of Zell's voice and he looked up, a tear spilling down one cheek.

 

“Me. Choose me. Let her do what she wants with me and get Seifer out of here.”

 

Irvine shook his head, mind echoing with Ultimecia's laughter.

 

“Please, I can't…”

 

“Irvine, don't listen to him. You know I don't deserve to be here. This is all my fault. Her, everything,” Seifer said firmly, glaring defiantly at Zell who only rolled his eyes.

 

“I can't choose either of you!” Irvine cried. “Take me, and let them both go!”

 

“That is not a choice. You kan only choose one of them, and you do not have forever…”

 

She lifted her hand and swept it to the side, so that a velvet curtain swung away from a large hourglass. Inside were hundreds of glass balls and even as Irvine watched, one of them fell through and smashed to dust on the base of the hourglass.

 

“That was an innocent life, Mr. Kinneas… How many more will you allow to die for the sake of one simple decision?”

 

Irvine's mouth fell open and his heart fluttered. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the hourglass and as he watched, another ball fell and shattered. He looked back to his lovers, eyes flicking from one to the other and back again. He hated it, but he couldn't stop himself beginning to weigh up which it would hurt more to lose.

 

“Kome now, Irvine…” Ultimecia purred. “Think. Which one has given you more? Which one has taken better kare of you? Which has been more attentive? Which has made sweeter love to you? Which has whispered sweeter nothings?”

 

They were both begging him, sapphire blue and emerald green pools of desperation. But neither was begging for himself, and it made his heart ache. He rubbed hard at his face, taking shaking breaths, and another ball slipped through.

 

“I can't!” he cried, his legs going out from under him so that he fell to his knees and then to his hands, sobbing. “I can't decide! I love them! I love them both! Please!”

 

“You kan't? You must. Look, Irvine, look! The next marble, who do you suppose it is? A mother? Her child? Or perhaps someone you know? Your lover's mother in Balamb? Ms. Trepe? Or maybe Miss. Tilmitt? Yes… It kould be…”

 

“No!” Irvine cried. “Stop it, please… I can't… c-can't make a choice like that!”

 

“Ah! There it goes!” Ultimecia followed the ball down with a pointed finger and Irvine flinched as it shattered.

 

“Irvine!” Zell cried. “Take Seifer now! Get out of here!” he begged, fighting his chains.

 

“No! I don't deserve it, you both know that! Let her have me, it's what she wants,” Seifer's words trailed off into a growl and Zell growled back at him.

 

“That's so much fucking bullshit, Seifer. If anyone deserves it, it's you!” Zell protested.

 

Irvine just cried harder, digging his nails so hard into the flagstone, they bled. He couldn't see for tears, and he couldn't hear for his own heartbeat, yet every word his lovers said was etched into his heart as the last they might ever say.

 

“I can't…” he sobbed. “Don't make me… I can't!”

 

Another ball slipped through, the tinkle of breaking glass audible even over the sharpshooter's shaking gasps.

 

“Another innocent life, Mr. Kinneas. How many? Will you wait until they all break and I take both your lover's lives anyway…?”

 

“Stop it! Please! Why are you doing this? You… y-you can't come back! You're dead!”

 

Ultimecia sashayed over to him, curling her fingers around his chin and lifting his bowed head. She smiled darkly at him and stroked his hair with her other hand.

 

“I am what you've always been told. Kruel. To see you kry brings even a memory of me great joy… To take something from you that is not your life and see you suffer… this is the greatest treat. And, I choose you, bekause you are the most vulnerable to their loss…”

 

“No…”

 

“Yes… I know how it hurt you that they did not remember you, when you had grown up in the same house, lived the same lives for many years. I know your insekurities, what you lie awake and think about at night… Edea Kramer told me these things…”

 

Irvine pulled away from her hand as another ball slipped through the narrow neck of the hourglass. He put his hands to his face and shivered uncontrollably, unable to think at all.

 

“Choose, my sweet, sweet Kowboy. Choose before another innocent dies. You are SeeD, you are to protekt innocents from people like me. One of them must be sakrificed.” She laughed, the sound cold and cruel and Irvine looked up through the tears, straight at Seifer. He fisted his hands against the flagstone, losing himself all over again in the jade fire that lit his being whenever Seifer looked at him.

 

“I…”

 

“Yes…?”

 

“I…”

 

“Kome, kome! Quickly now!”

 

“I can't…”

 

“Yes, you kan. You already know your answer!”

 

Seifer's fingers curled into fists and Zell closed his eyes, a slight smile touching his lips.

 

“Irvine…” Zell whispered. “That's right…”

 

“I choose Zell,” Irvine cried, bringing his hands to his face again. “Zell!”

 

The fighter's eyes snapped open again, going wide, and he shook his head emphatically even as the chains binding his wrists fell away and he dropped to his knees out of pure shock.

 

“No! No, Irvine, no!” he screamed. “Seifer!”

 

Zell reached for Seifer, and the world shattered. They had to close their eyes or be blinded by the sudden light that flared all around them. Ultimecia laughed, and it seemed to go on forever and ever.

 

- - - - - - -

 

Irvine woke in a cold sweat, sitting bolt-upright in bed and panting. His eyes darted restlessly around the room and it took him a lot longer than it should have to clear the spots from his eyes, no matter how much he blinked. Beside him, Zell stirred and he found his stomach flip-flopped at the thought of facing the fighter.

 

Outside, the storm was rolling away, the lightning that flickered in the bruised clouds barely even piercing the darkness in their room. Irvine watched them flash purple and he couldn't look at Zell.

 

On his other side lay Seifer.

 

“Seifer…?” he murmured, flicking on the lamp and touching the gunbladist's shoulder. “S-Seifer…?”

 

He felt Zell move behind him.

 

“Is… he…?”

 

“Seifer?” Irvine said again, leaning over his lover.

 

The gunbladist looked as though he were merely asleep, a slight smile curving his lips, but he didn't wake, no matter how much Irvine shook him. Tears gathered in his eyes, and he called Seifer's name desperately, while behind him Zell readied a spell.

 

It didn't work. Nothing did, and they tried it all until they were both sobbing and wasting spell after spell.

 

“Seifer, please…” Zell begged. “Please… wake up…” He hugged the gunbladist's head to his chest and sobbed, Irvine uncertain what to do. In the end, he wrapped his arms around Zell's middle and cried with him. Eventually, they couldn't cry anymore and Zell withdrew from Irvine's arms.

 

“Why did you… why…” Zell tried to say, but the words failed him, grief plain in his eyes.

 

And Irvine wondered; Given the same choice he had been given, would Zell have chosen himself or Seifer?

 

“I had to choose… I… she were killin' people and… and I couldn't lose both of you and… she s-said… she said the next one might be Selphie… or anyone… I couldn't let her… kill so many innocent people `cause I… hesitated ag-again…”

 

“But why me? Seifer… Seifer deserved it more… After everything he went through… He didn't deserve to die by her hands!”

 

Irvine shrank away at the ferocity in Zell's voice, the blame.

 

“I love… I love you…” he whispered, not sure how else he was supposed to respond.

 

“And you don't love him?” Zell growled.

 

“Of course I-”

 

“Then why?” the fighter cried. “Why, Irvine?”

 

“I-I… I don't know! I just… couldn't lose you… It was… I hated doing it. I hated it!”

 

Zell just shook his head and slipped out of bed, dressing in silence. He wrapped Seifer in the bed sheet and carried him out of their room, saying nothing more to Irvine.

 

The sharpshooter stared at the door where he had left and bit his lower lip, tears running silently down his face. Ultimecia had made him choose a sacrifice to save one of his lovers and any number of innocent people, but it was worse than that.

 

He had sacrificed one lover's life and the other's love, all for the sake of people he was unlikely to ever have met. He turned his eyes aside, giving a bitter chuckle when they landed on his SeeD ID. Oh, yes, he was a true SeeD, sacrificing people he knew and cared about for people who were nameless faces and little more.

 

Ultimecia's cruel laughter rang in his head.

 

~Fin~