Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Country Life ❯ Whoa, popsicles are like, the sexiest things out there! ( Chapter 1 )

Author: Pokiehl

Rating: Hm, perhaps around the R area, because I'm a die-hard yaoi fan and I like to write limey scenes. Maybe it doesn't belong in the R category… but I'm putting it here just to be safe, you know.

Disclaimers: I do not own any of the characters in the story (they belong to Squaresoft… *sigh*)! Nor do I own Sony, the Cookie Factory (yes… that is how it's spelled -.- there's one like 5 miles from my house and it's got this BIG logo on the side that says 'Cookie Factory') or anything else which exists outside my warped, yet lovable mind.

Warnings!!! Alrighty, this fic will more than likely contain yaoi. If not yaoi, then shonen-ai. Know what shonen-ai and yaoi mean? No? Well, it technically means boy love. Yes that's right… boy see boy, boy like boy, boy boink boy. You've been warned ^^

Other junk: (my ramblings…) Ok, this fic is just something me and my friends Kandace, Michelle and Jessica (WOOT YA'LL WOOT!) came up with one day during gym class. God I love these three! Always helping my insanity ^^ Well, anyway… this fiction is entirely humor… perhaps a bit fluffy, but I'm no good in that area -.- and everyone here is either terribly OOC or doing something outrageous. I wrote this quickly… ignore all errors for the time being heh. Flames won't be tolerated!

~*~

Once upon a time, there lived Uncle Auron, Cousin Tidus, and Neighbor Wakka. They lived happily for many, many years in Nephew Seymore's front yard, living off of his earnings.

Uncle Auron had owned many things in his lifetime. None of those things still existed except for his lovable reclining Lazy Boy™ chair. He didn't even own the poorly manufactured RV that they all lived in.

Cousin Tidus wore daisy-dukes and he lived with Uncle Auron. He wasn't the brightest crayon in the box… and he was the pick of the litter. Everyone wanted to screw the poor bishonen, but, of course, he was oblivious to their advances. Lack of money forced him to wear the same pair of tight, butt-bearing shorts every single day.

Neighbor Wakka wasn't really a neighbor. He lived with Uncle Auron and Cousin Tidus, in their happy little RV home. He was also madly in love with Tidus, who we said earlier, was an airhead. He had a habit of looking out of his bedroom window when Tidus was washing their rusty '57 Chevy. That Tidus, oh, he was such a tease…

Now, Nephew Seymore finally settled down with Lord Braska. They were made for each other, and after Braska had that ovary implant he'd been saving up for, they had their first child. He was dubbed Seymore Jr.

Soon after that, Seymore became rich. He now owned the Sony Com. as well as a very large estate. Cousin Tidus (poor thing) worked as a housemaid for five cents an hour. Tidus lacked too much brainpower to realize he'd been mooched. The poor, poor thing.

~*~

One day, while Tidus was washing Seymore's nine-foot limo, his daisy-duke shorts were shorter than usual, which meant that Wakka was going twice as crazy. Wakka sighed dreamily as he relived his favorite fantasy with the blonde bishonen.

As usual, they were in a tub-full of spicy Mexican rice, bathing each other with tangy sauce. Wakka grinned sheepishly and blushed at the thought.

Unexpectedly, Tidus turned and waved cheerfully.

'Oh my God!' Wakka thought hastily, 'He's coming to the window. He can't see me in these clothes!!'

Wakka looked down at himself and saw that he was wearing nothing more than a pair of ripped, thigh-length shorts.

Tidus came up to the window and, very attractively, leaned on the window, grinning at Wakka, who by this time was going mad!

"Hey Wakka…" Tidus began sheepishly. "Wanna help me wash the limo?"

'Oh my god! Is he actually talking to me?!' Wakka thought to himself. 'This is the moment my whole life has lain in wait for. To be cradled in such sweet conversion with my only beloved!!' The mere thought of it made him shiver. "Sure, I guess I have nothing better to do."

((a/n: actually Michelle took over writing somewhere in through here :3))

Tidus strutted out to the limo and picked up a sponge, swirling it around while shaking his little rump. Wakka tried to pry his eyes away but it was impossible! 'Oh sweet Tidus, I wish you loved me like a child loves ice-cream..'

At that moment, another fantasy popped in to Wakka's head. The ice cream …oh, the ice cream! And the syrup! He instantly pictured Tidus (without his shorts) in a gigantic bowl of chocolate ice cream, with all the works! Whipped cream and all!!

"Wakka!!" Tidus' shrill screams drifted Wakka back to reality.

"Huh? What?" Wakka stuttered.

"I've only been yelling at you for the past ten minutes!" Tidus exclaimed. "Where were you? I know you weren't here!"

"Oh, I was just…. thinking! That's all, imbedded in my thoughts!"

"Ok, ok, calm down! I was just worried is all…" Tidus stated.

'He was worried about me? Oh dear… I caused his sweet soul to worry! How dare I! But, oh, sweet love, worried about me!! Oh the joy, the sweet joy!!'

"So, you wanna come inside with me? I'll make you some ice-cold lemonade! And if I'm not mistaken, Auron has some ice-cream in the freezer!"

"Did you say, ice-cream?" Those same old dirty thoughts floated back to Wakka's mind. "I would love some!" 'But to be in a room with my love… alone! Oh sweet joy! Hehe!' Wakka chuckled to himself as he thought of all the fantasies that could be fulfilled. If only… if only Tidus looked at me the way I look at him…

"Well, come on…" Tidus proclaimed. " You don't want it to get warm!" Tidus was now yelling from the RV door. He had the biggest smile on his face… which was there because? This was very puzzling. Why did he have that look on his face. It was as if he had just had a baby… or something so full of love that the very thought of it would make you jealous.

"I am. Slowly but surely, ya!" Wakka exclaimed as he approached the RV.

((a/n: I won the keyboard back sometime through here X3))

Inside The RV:

Wakka slowly followed Tidus inside of the cool RV. The cheap air conditioner sitting in the window made a low hum, and it drowned out all of the other sounds coming from both inside and outside. Tidus quickly and genki-ly made his way back to the ugly kitchen. Their sandals, which were quickly falling apart, made squick sounds as their melting rubbery soles met with the tacky, orange-colored aluminum flooring.

Wakka was observing quietly from the mesh-made shower curtain, dangling from the kitchen's thresh-hold. Tidus, with his head up side down between his legs, waved innocently as he stretched his arm towards the freezer to retrieve the popsicles. Of course, Wakka was eyeing the beautiful cheeks of Tidus. ((a/n: me and Kandace fought over this… I was too ashamed to write 'cheeks' so she had to do it for me…)) Wow, bendable little guy wasn't he?

Tidus finally rose and had two popsicles in his right hand. His used his left hand to close the refrigerator door, while swaying his hips in a cat-like manner.

"Wakka, I hope you like cherry… it's the only flavor we have right now. Uncle Auron hasn't been to the store in like a few months. We have to make due with what we have."

Then, the blonde bishonen blinked seductively, while offering Wakka the frozen treat. Wakka took the popsicle from Tidus, fingers brushing momentarily. He grinned the best he could manage, being in this highly aroused state.

Swallowing loudly, he said, "Of course, I love cherry. My favorite…"

Tidus smiled naïvely, being the big tease he is. He took one long lick off of his popsicle, driving Wakka over the edge.

"What's wrong, Wakka? You don't like our popsicles? I'm sorry," Tidus said, looking truly sorry, his eyes holding a small, shiny glint.

Wakka gulped again, bringing the popsicle up to his parched lips. "No, I like it… it's good, ya?"

~*~

Mwaha! Cliffhangaaah! Well, you see… I wasn't sure how this thing was going, and I was nervous about it, since, well… I get embarrassed when I write junk like this *^^* Seymour Jr. will make his big debut next chapter! Be ready for more humor… if I can get any good ideas :3

I want you guys to review lots! Ok? Mwahaha… maybe, if I can somehow get a hold of either Jess, Kandi, or Chelle in the short time before school starts I could continue XD

OR

If you lovely peeps out there wouldn't mind sending me some ideas, I'd be over-joyed!

Email me, ya! chibifreaklol@hotmail.com