Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Dreams Come True ❯ Reality ( Chapter 19 )

This chapter's very different from all my others, but there's a reason for it, which you can find out at the bottom. The chapter's short for a reason and it's a little confusing but I know you can handle it. And I have many people to thank so check that at the bottom too ^_^

Chapter 19 has three POVs: The first is a completely dialogue-driven conversation between two characters, and I'm sure you can figure out one of them if you pay close enough attention and remember Chapter 18; the second is a monologue; the last is a just a first-person snippet. Sorry if it's choppy, but I wrote this in pieces. And the only reason it took me so long to get this out was because I tried writing several pieces and just decided on these :P

Watch for the POV changes -- they'll be denoted by line breaks and "*****" in the middle. Like scene changes in my other chapters. If I need to do any same-POV scene changes in this chapter, I'll denote those with "-----" so you can tell the difference. There's only one in this chapter, though, so I don't think that'll be much of a problem.

_____________________

"Well?"

"It went smoothly."

"No complications, then?"

"None."

"Then why have we recieved a summons for you from the maestress?"

"It's...not a surprise. Nav's people asked me a few questions as I passed through, but it's easy enough to decieve them when you're wearing priest-robes."

"And what did you tell them?"

"Made a grand show of looking like a passer-by, is all. I wasn't expecting them to find out so quickly, but all considered it went as well as it could have possibly gone."

"What about your weapon? It wasn't with you when you came in."

"Hid it, of course. I'll go back for it once it's safe to. A priest with a gun tends to attract a disproportionate amount of attention."

"Do you know what Yuna wants with you?"

"No."

"Go; don't arouse her suspicion. Would it be wise to go 'prepared,' though?"

"Probably not now. She's got all of her guardians with her."

"She always will. It simply becomes a question of how distracted they are at the moment. You never know how many of these chances will pop up."

"Tromell's 'unfortunate' death has probably put them on edge."

"You never know. Yuna's authority could just turn out to be more bark than bite."

"It hasn't been long enough to tell."

"It's been too long already. She's banishing order, not reinstating it. The longer she has power, the longer it will take to return things to normal. So go soon, my friend; Yevon be with you."

"And with you."

*****

I'm not jealous of Yuna, or Sir Jecht...really, I'm not, though it might seem so to the casual observer.

I'm very happy for them both. Tidus has given Yuna a sort of happiness I haven't seen in her since we were young and as carefree as we would ever be. We're both trying to do what's best for her, and that gives me some respect for him. Yet I suppose we don't see eye-to-eye on that all the time, which is to be expected. And Jecht -- he was kind and almost youthful when he left on the pilgrimage with Braska, but when we met up again at the end of the road he looked old, he looked tired; his voice showed his age. Amia seems to have put him in reverse, taken him back ten years. He might as well be my age. Even so, he is hardly the Jecht I knew. And that's not a bad thing; it's just...different.

But...I don't understand sometimes. Would Chappu not be able to help? He was one of Besaid's strongest young men, outdoing even his older brother Wakka.

Or is he long since lost to Sin...again?

Asking Bahamut makes me feel...uneasy. It's taboo, I guess, but the question burns in me.

Bahamut said he didn't work his magic for personal favors. Personally, I hardly believe him. Jecht's long-dead wife didn't need to be brought into this, and Jecht would have certainly functioned well enough without her. Yuna, though passionate and something like fragile, is an extremely determined individual. She would have done her job without Tidus and done it well enough.

Not that I'm complaining. His presence is a great help to her, and if they both survive this ordeal they'll be life partners for sure. Yuna deserves that.

But love blinds, perhaps -- neither of them seem to see how irresponsible they're being at the moment. Tidus especially, and his bullheadedness on the issue is frustrating. Putting her reputation (and what would they call their Maestress, if she concieved out of wedlock? It'd ruin her!--) and possibly her whole career at stake...it's entirely foolish. But both of them insist; surely some of that is through Tidus' convincing, because Yuna's gone through something of a transformation in the short time (how long has it been, a week? - less? - Yuna would have kept score, but I've not) since his return, and from my standpoint not all of it's for the better. She's happier, by far, but she's developing something of a selfish streak (by self, interestingly enough, I must include Tidus as well; they never seem to be far from one another; better to just count them both as one person and be done with it.) and it concerns me a little. Though I didn't mention it to her, and I'd never say the actual words, refusing to send Tromell was downright stupid. Tidus would have forgiven the breach of her little vow under the circumstances, if he knew of it at all. I doubt he did. Albeit what she did to prompt her taking that vow was sweet, it should not have taken any kind of precedence over her duty.

Rikku and Wakka seem to take a good deal more discretion, but for very good reason. Once-Yevonites would be flabbergasted; the Al Bhed would shun them. Probably, anyway. But they, too, insist. And even with that discretion the choice is foolish. There are too many risks that they seem to ignore. If their relationship was discovered and people had a sour response to it, it wouldn't look good at all. Yuna cannot afford to have unpopular guardians, especially now, when she needs public support so much.

I...I know my own duty. It's to protect Yuna and to make sure she has the best life possible. Even so, I can't stop thinking about it. Chappu -- he was possibly as much to me as Tidus is to Yuna, and yet he's not here. And I can't dare to bring myself to ask Bahamut. I can hardly look at him, because the question jumps to the tip of my tongue whenever I do, no matter what conversation or situation we might happen to be in. But we can't afford distractions, so I don't bother to ask. Maybe in a moment of calm I might be able to scrape up the courage the raise the question in private, but...not now. There's always some bitter price to be paid for asking a question like that, and I think I might be just a little short on the required currency.

It's shameful -- I'm happy for Yuna and Tidus, for Jecht and Amia and Wakka and Rikku and whoever else on Spira happened to recently stumble across someone who made them happy. But oh, it hurts to watch them. Yuna'll just lean over and kiss the man, out of nowhere, for no reason at all - happy as can be, and she'll send secret woman-grins and share hushed giggles with Rikku, who knows what the feelings are like. Not Lulu, silent-somber-grieving rule-upholding matron-who-doesn't-love.

I can imagine that that's how I come off to them, and I regret that a little. Yuna and I used to be so close, and I used to share just the secrets with her that she and Rikku now pass between one another. Used to. And then Chappu died, and...well, how can you expect a woman to deal with that? I was lost. I had no idea what to do. We'd had our future planned together since scarcely after I could call myself a woman, down to the house and tablecloths and bedsheets and hearth rugs. I was a girl then: I didn't even want to consider considering the possibility that one day he might not be there. So I didn't prepare for it until it was far too late. And it's fair to say that I wasn't prepared for it at all.

But then, he had promised he would return to me. And Chappu's promise...

That was something he never went against. So...

So yes, it hurt. And I didn't know what to do. I don't think anyone did.

Yuna didn't know what to tell me; she was only always there, comforting me, even though I never cried but once or twice in her presence. Even then, my pride was too great for that. So I guess that's when I threw myself into watching over Yuna, and wrapping myself around my dear summoner, despite the fact that my mere presence made me afraid for her and even if she finished the journey, I wouldn't have the strength to. I took the role of guardian thrice, and the first gave up, the second died (which will forever shame me in the eyes of all who know) and the third...had the strength to do anything in the world. But I was afraid of losing her. I was afraid just like she was afraid.

Because -- and believe me when I say this -- there is no one on this earth quite like Yuna. And even if she was willing to defeat Sin, whether by conventional means or the way we actually did conquer it, her life was so infinitely more precious and wonderful and worthwhile when she was there to live it.

But Yuna was Yuna. And that meant that she would follow her heart, no matter what Wakka or I happened to think.

So we departed.

And then came Tidus, and she was practically swept off her feet by nightfall.

I don't...resent him exactly. Well, not really - or at least I know it's unfair to. I know I shouldn't. He makes her happy in the way that I cannot (and have no wish to - that, at least, is the job better left to someone else). And he does it well. But seeing such a storybook ending for them both brings back memories of my own unfinished fairy tale, and - though I can't forgive myself for it - jealousy reigns, at least for a little while. The pilgrimage was supposed to be ours - I didn't want it to be his story. It was supposed to be a quiet, bittersweet time for Wakka and Yuna and Kimahri and me, while Yuna pulled us all forward until we had to blurt out our rushed, tearful goodbyes, abandoning the somber rituals of farewell-and-thank-you we'd all practiced a thousand times in our heads.

It wasn't supposed to be his story at all. Their story. We took something of a backseat while Yuna fell head over heels in love and Tidus realized that he happened to carry the secret to the Eternal Calm.

So...yes, it hurts. And I'm not sure Tidus reads me quite right. I don't hate him at all, a little envy notwithstanding. I'm actually quite grateful to him, when I forget my own selfishness.

But what he said -- 'because she wants to, not because you expect her to' - oh, that can't be forgiven. For who is he to say, when he's known Yuna for less than a year, while her original guardians have known her for the better part of her entire life? He may be closer to her now than I am, but that doesn't erase my entire history with her. I never expected Yuna to...

...well...

Put into a certain light, perhaps...it did seem that way.

Yuna had been my closest companion for so long -- it was just sort of a routine, an expectation, maybe -- we shared our secrets. Maybe not all of them - I'd not even think of asking for details about her relationship with Tidus, though she did force me to tell about mine with Chappu once; well, not force me, perhaps, it was a game - but I digress. There was a bond of trust there, and the idea that Tidus could so easily brush that off and act as if it were nothing at all...that was just...infuriating. It was so inexplicably below him.

And he had the gall to tell me it wasn't meant to offend. Incredible. Simply unbelievable. Chappu would have never...

But that's where I have to stop myself. If I keep comparing Tidus to Chappu, I'll be tying myself in one big messy knot for the rest of my natural life. Tidus is not Chappu, Tidus will never be Chappu. I taught Wakka that lesson in Kilika. That was ages ago, but I still find that my mind forgets sometimes. I guess the worst part is when I glance idly at them, not paying attention and maybe half-dreaming, and all I see is Chappu, a smudge of gold where fire-red hair might be, slipping a lover's-smile or an embrace or at worst a kiss to a lovestruck Yuna who is very certainly not me. And then the feelings of white-hot jealousy-betrayal-grief fill me for a scant moment before I remember the way of it all. And my imagined-Chappu is just Tidus, and Tidus is nothing like Chappu at all, save physical traits.

And Chappu, despite however hard I might wish or try to believe otherwise, is dead.

But the feelings remain, and they bother me for some time, and it doesn't help at all. It is hard to convince yourself that what you see is wrong...that those first immediate impulses and emotions are misplaced and that awful feeling that fills you is entirely unnecessary.

That's my own problem, though. I can't resent Tidus because of it. He can't help looking like Chappu, and I couldn't possibly expect him to act like Chappu just because he bears such a resemblance. But because of that resemblance, I cannot hate him for any other reason besides the fact that he's not Chappu. And that is senseless and sad. Tidus isn't stupid; however hurtful, he said what he said for a reason, and while I've yet to figure that out all the way, I'm sure that he meant it and believed in those words for a reason.

But if that's how I really appear to him, then...

...then what does Yuna think of me now?

I'm...afraid of that question. Just a little bit, but the fear is there.

I guess...I'm afraid of a lot of things. But I'm most afraid of my own weakness; Chappu's death proved that. But I'm stuck, either way. I distanced myself from Wakka and Yuna to lessen the pain that would be felt when they died. Because, I knew, I would live to see them both pass away. Luck - or some curse - is always running with me that way, so I vowed to be ready.

But this -- seeing her gone, while she's still alive and well, and Tidus standing as a possible barrier between us -- this might just hurt worse.

*****

"So...what is it you need help with, Rikku?"

"Over this way." Rikku gestured towards the airship, sitting silently off to the side of the Moonflow road. "Dad - err, Cid - picked up a lot of stuff from the Zanarkand ruins awhile back and I was wondering if you'd be able to tell us what they were. He's got a big passion for cataloging this stuff, y'know. It's sorta like his hobby. And we figured you'd know best. It'd really make his day."

"Oh, I see. Well, er, I'll do what I can..."

Rikku looked back at me and stifled a laugh behind her hand. "He'd've asked Jecht, too, but I think Dad's a little scared of him. Oh!--oh, that was rude, sorry..."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't worry about it. Jecht scares a lot of people."

"Oh, phew. Well, there are a lot of trinkets, and this really odd-looking machina...pretty big, too. Dad's gotten to calling it a 'drehkysypup,' but that doesn't really help..."

"A...thingamabob? I see." Though of course, I didn't. Big, and what Rikku called machina -- there were a lot of large machines in Zanarkand, and those two clues didn't narrow it down very far at all. But it would be figured out soon enough.

Rikku talked almost nonstop as we made our way into the airship and through the halls, nearer to the back. I half-listened, engrossed instead in wondering about what 'relics' from 'way back then' she had waiting for me. Trinkets and machina - what would they be? What she could call 'trinkets' could be little nothings or tools that this Spira hadn't even heard of or horrific things I would be ashamed to show to her. And the machina -- it could easily be some awful weapon. There were a lot of weapons in Zanarkand, and the chances that her 'machina' would be one of them were decent. And I had read enough science fiction novels in my day to know the effects of spreading technology to civilizations that weren't prepared for it.

Or it could just be that I was thinking too much and letting my imagination get the best of me. But one can't often help it, when placed in this sort of situation...

Alright, so I wouldn't know. Zanarkand is - was - reality; but what I have now seems to be a bunch of nonsense, some jumbled-up dreams come true, without regard to discern between nightmare and fantasy. I have my life...again. No matter that I hardly even knew I lost it at the time, though now I'm starting to find that I have memories of what has to be the space Jecht called the Farplane.

Seems plenty like a dream to me. But then again, everything does lately. Jecht -- oh, I remember vividly that loss. And Tidus, all grown up so suddenly. And engaged! I found myself still soaking in the bitter fact that I had missed more than half of his boyhood, and still trying to see the boychild of seven years that I swore I knew so well. Well, I guess the key word there is 'knew' - he's a lot different now, and I'm ashamed to say I can't really claim to know him at all. But I want to - very badly. He's my son, and well-cherished, even if the 'quality time' aspect of the relationship is a little...under par, per se.

"Over here!" Rikku caught my attention with an over-expressed beckoning motion, and I followed her down a separate corridor into a cold, dank-smelling room. She flipped a switch, and the overhead lights flickered to life.

I don't know quite what I expected, but when the lights came on and I got my first glimpse of Zanarkand in almost a week or a thousand years, all my apprehension flew out the window. And strangely enough, I felt nothing. What Rikku and the other Al Bhed had was a Zanarkand that was little more than a petri dish for examining: on each wall, and in the middle of the room, shelves reached near to the ceiling, and each "artifact" was neatly placed neatly in its own little spot.

"Rikku...this is going to take forever..."

"Well, that's okay!"

I looked over at her and she gave a crazy-happy scientist grin, clipboard under her arm and pen in her hand - it did make me smile, if anything. "Is it, then?"

"You don't have to do it all at once. Heck, you don't have to do it at all, y'know? I just thought you might like to see this, and maybe tell us a couple things about all of it on the way."

With a glance upwards toward the top shelves, I nodded. "Alright, I will. But I hope you have a ladder."

She giggled. "Oh, yeah. Sure thing."

"Rikku, do you mind if I...look around for a couple minutes before we start?"

"Not one bit! Take your time," she chirped.

So, almost casually, I stepped forward, and took a look at the closest shelf. The "artifacts" were rusty or decomposed or so caked in dirt that it was hard to tell, in truth, what they were at first glance. I reached out and picked one up - a mostly cylindrical thing, all rusted over. Metal. A can of some sort...

Ah, there we go.

I turned the cylinder over and saw what I had expected to see - a nub at the top. Holding the can gently, half afraid that it would crumble in my grasp, I shook.

"Ah?! What're you doing?" Rikku yelped, visibly stopping herself from rushing over and snatching the thing out of my hands.

Aiming the can at such an angle as so she could see, I pressed the nub, and a white vapory spray shot out and disappated into the air. Rikku squawked and scooted back in surprise, and I couldn't help the inexplicable, giddy burst of laughter that snuck out of me.

"What is that?!"

"Aerosol. Either this is bug spray or some kind of polish or compressed air or something." I snickered.

"...'Bug spray?' It's not gonna...give the airship a bug problem, is it?"

I laughed again, harder than before, and placed the can back on the shelf, shaking my head.

"Wh...well, okay...but why do you need compressed air...? Isn't uncompressed air good enough?"

"Oh, Zanarkand used it for lots of things, I guess. Cans like this, and then scuba gear, for those who couldn't hold their breath underwater...those were mostly foreigners. Like myself,"

"Huh? You're not from Zanarkand?" she asked, and I shook my head.

"Bevelle. But I moved to Zanarkand at my first chance, and spent the next ten or so years there. Until...well...yeah. Until I 'died,' I guess. That sounds so strange..."

Rikku winced and squeaked out an apologetic 'sorry,' but I grinned at her. "Don't worry about it. Now this here..." I picked up the next object - a small pocket-knife, something that Tidus probably would have carried if we were still there - pried it open, and turned the point in her direction as if to emphasize something, which spooked her again and made her move to my side, "is something a boy about your age would carry."

"So there were fiends in Zanarkand, too?"

Quick girl, I thought. "No, not in the city. It was more of a fad, but depending on your district, you might have had to use it once in awhile."

"On what?"

Or maybe not, I amended. "Well, other boys; what else?"

"Ack!"

Folding the knife back into its slot, I placed it back on the shelf and picked up the next item. At first I couldn't tell what it was, so I turned it over, examining it closely.

"Um...Amia?"

"Hnn?"

"Do...do you think that maybe we might find something in here that would defeat Sin? Or help to?"

I glanced at her and grinned. "So that's the reason you wanted me to do this. You should have just said so."

"Well...sorta...I mean, we just had this pile of stuff laying around back here and we haven't had the time to do more than organize it and you'd know best and --"

"Rikku, it's fine; calm down, sweetie! I don't know, though."

"Well, there has to be at least something left. Bevelle might've been stronger, but Zanarkand had some big weapons too..."

Damn. She knows. "We'll see."

"Thanks for your help...I mean, really. I don't want Yunie to worry any more than she already does, the little worrywart. Are...are you ready to start? Or do you wanna look around some more?"

"Well...we might as well begin."

"O--kay!" Rikku cheered, and out came the clipboard. She seemed unable to contain the burst of energy that caused her to hop, "Let's hit it!"

-----

"Nothing," I said once we finished for the day, much later, and I was strangely relieved. "Absolutely nothing useful. Sorry, Rikku."

"Oh...it's okay. Dad'll be tickled pink with just this data and stuff. And maybe when you have some free time and you're bored or something you can come in here and do some more. Help yourself, seriously. I'll tell Dad; he won't mind one bit."

I nodded. "Alright."

"I'm starved...what about you, d'ya wanna go get something to eat?"

With a slight shake of the head, I declined. "I'd rather stay here and look for a few minutes. Is that okay?"

"Oh, sure. D'you want me to stay? Or can you find your way out?"

"If I'm not back by tomorrow, send a search party."

She laughed. "Got it. Have a blast! Sure you don't want me to bring you something, or something?"

"I'm sure."

She left, and once she did, I returned to the spot where we had stopped, brooding quietly over the items before me. Most were common household items, nothing to squeal over, but Rikku had taken delight in all of it; an archaeologist at heart, maybe.

And that had to be the strangest thing. What was my life two weeks ago had swiftly become ancient history...literally. I gently picked up one of the items, one I'd instantly recognized - despite its rusted-over surface - as a child's locket of some sort. There was no chain anymore, and the locket lay open, but the glass was cracked and dirtied, making discerning the small picture inside impossible. And I felt guilty about peering at it, trying to, for some reason; as if I were looking into a stranger's secrets. Somewhere I didn't belong.

All these things had seen a millenium of what was, from what I could discern, nothing but death and destruction. They were remnants of something I had learned to dually love and hate: Zanarkand, a taste of heaven. Heaven, but with a bitterly human twist, and that made it occasionally comparable to hell. But I had loved Zanarkand, for all that it was. And the ruinous state that it lay in now, I couldn't imagine. Surely it still glowed brightly enough at night to blind the stars; surely there couldn't be an abandoned sacred place where my metropolis used to lay before me, oozing potential for the ambitious girl I had been. That world couldn't just be...gone. That was impossible.

I considered asking Rikku if she could take me to Zanarkand to let me see it with my own eyes. It would, of course, have to wait until it was convenient, but the impossibility that Zanarkand could so easily be simply gone tugged at my heart and wouldn't let go. Sure, I had the proof looming over me in neat, dead rows -- but that didn't matter. Maybe it was just that Zanarkand was a matter of heart and faith: maybe if we dreamed hard enough...

But I knew better. I'd tried that before.

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I wrote this chapter this way because I want you, the readers, to be able to see the same situation from different eyes. We all - or most of us, anyway, though I don't know how you could get through DCT without a penchant for it - love Yunis fluff, but Lulu has her thoughts, too, and people may point fingers at each other and cast blame, but no one calls themselves the bad guy. I might consider doing a Lulu POV later in the story, but for right now, I'll just focus on Ch. 20 ^_^ Moving on...

This chapter is also short because it's DCT's birthday. Yep, one year ago today (January 25th) I unleashed the monster and never looked back ^_~ Gosh...it's been a whole year...wow, I can hardly believe it. I never thought I'd still be working on this a year later...but it's been so fun. I'm totally in love with writing DCT and I'm so happy that it's captured the attention of so many people. Thanks so much to all the reviewers, especially those who have been there since the beginning, or followed for a long time: Fire Rules, Noelle, Ethereal Fury, Wings of Stars, No One and all the others...*sniff*

Special thanks to:

Wings of Stars: You're wonderful. I can't remember exactly what was said but I know I whined to you about Chapter 19 some time ago and you had something to do with me thinking up its general concept. And you've just been great help all-around. Plus, your fic is fluffiliciously wonderful. THANK YOU!

Chris Poirer: Your emails have been so incredibly helpful and commenty and I'm so indebted to you for all your wonderful pointers. I'm sorry I've been getting slackish with my responses but I promise, if you haven't heard from me by the time you read this, you will soon. Finals, and fanfiction, and email too...oh yes, certainly masochism. ^^ Most certainly.

And last but certainly not least, No One. *clings* ^^ You've been so wonderful and helpful (and distracting :P) and I don't even know how to thank you. Your comments and betas are uber-helpful; and of course, the chapter wouldn't be the same without your opinions on this snippet or that snippet. I'm sure I drove you halfcrazy with that and I apologize, but I'm also very grateful to you, too. ^^ *offers chocolate chip cookies in gratitude* :D

Yep. Distracting indeed. Readers, if I'm slow getting a chapter out, blame it on him. ^__^

Just kidding!

Okay, I haven't done this for awhile, but I do have some music recommendations :P If you're even remotely interested in Broadway stuff, the Rent soundtrack is absolutely wonderful. I can't stress it enough; if you have the chance, listen to the soundtrack, because you can gather most of the plot from it and it's just an awesome story and so emotional and...yeah. I'm a Rent fanatic alright. I'm not much for religion, but "Children of Eden" does strike my fancy a bit, though I have yet to hear more than a song or two. That and I'm seeing a revival of the Disney child in me ^_^ The soundtracks of the Broadway productions of "The Lion King" and "Aida" also have my interest right now. Mind you, as far as the former is concerned, the music is so much better in the Broadway version...and I love Heather Headley's (she played Nala and Aida in those two plays respectively) voice anyway. Also, Live365.com has become my very good friend. You can find a radio stream of literally any kind of music, and knowing me, that floats my goat just perfectly. ^_~ Game music, J-pop, J-rock, Broadway music, movie orchestrations, probably even polka too...I wouldn't know...yep, shutting up now. Enough of my rambling.

So all in all, thank you all SO much for sticking with this story thus far, and I hope I'll still see you all at the end of the road. ^_^ Tally ho!