Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Gomen Nasai ❯ Chapter 9 ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

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Have you ever lost something that was so precious to you, virtually braking you apart? Have you ever lost that special someone, that someone who without, the world just doesn't seem as nice anymore? If you have, you know how I'm feeling right now. If you haven't, believe me you never want to.

I thought if I could bury all my feelings away, if I could forget about him everything would be ok. It doesn't work like that. You can't forget about them. Everything you seem to do reminds you of them. It's like a permanent imprint on your brain. You can never forget their smile, their voice, their eyes.

It hurts more when you lock it all away. Sure it hurts to cry, hurts to mourn for the person, but locking it away can destroy you. I found out the hard way. They say that the survivors suffer more than the casualties, but at least I'm still here, although at times I wish I wasn't. I miss him like hell. I loved him, hell I still love him. I've wished a hundred times over that it was me dead instead of him.

He's buried on the mountains overlooking (the what are now ruins of) Midgar. We'd come here sometimes, just me and him. We'd forget everything that sucked in life just for a few hours. He always liked it there.

We have good memories together, some bad. I'll never forget any of them. Rufus, maybe one day we'll meet again, who knows? Nothing will ever stop me loving you.

I'm sorry........... I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to save you. I'm sorry you had such a miserable life. Maybe I failed you that night, but I'm sure glad I didn't fail you the first time. Otherwise I would have never know the real you, the one you kept locked up in a closet for no one else to see.

Goodbye Rufus, sleep tight.

~Reno.

Author Notes:

Ok I'm mean aren't I? This is the first dwell-on-a-death (for lack of anything else to call it) that I've written, the first full length Yaoi story I've written and the first lemon I've written (if you're reading this on ff.net, the lemon is at the following url: www.tantalus.nu/writing/fanfiction/gemon03_lemon.htm if you want to see it)

I want to thank everyone that's read the story. I've said this more than once but I appreciate the comments.

Personally, I think Rufus is a tad bit soft in this fic but because of the upbringing I made him have, I found it hard to make him a harsh person around Reno, who he's nearly always around in the story. Reno seems a bit soft too, but they aren't even shown that much in the game so how do people know that it's not an act they use around others hmm? Making excuses for myself lol.

Hope everyone enjoyed the fic!

Ciao!

Lindz.