Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ I want you to know who I am ❯ I want you to know who I am ( Chapter 1 )

I want you to know who I am

by Diane Kelley

A Final Fantasy 7 fanfiction

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fanfiction, nor do I own the song "Iris" which lyrics are used here. Also, warning for those who are depressed or self-injure: The situations in this fic may be triggering, so read at your own risk.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

The Silver-haired ex-SOLDIER general reached beneath the matress of his meager little double-bed, drawing forth a small box. His emerald-toned, glowing Mako-eyes narrowed a bit at the corners as Sephiroth eyed the shimmer on the edge of the razor blade, watching almost with fascination at the way the dim lamplight played across the sharp, narrow surface. Thoughts of the half-Cetra girl he almost fell in love with danced across his still-shattered mind as he listened to the lyrics of the song playing in the background. Jenova, the creature who'd played him for a fool by trying to pass as his MOTHER was gone, yes, but it would be a long time before he would be able to pick up all the pieces she had left behind with her death, if ever.

*I deserve this, the sliding of the blade across my skin. . .deserve the pain, deserve to watch life flowing from me little by little. ..as I had to watch Aeris' life flow from her by the blade of my own sword.*

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

God, did he miss her. .. missed the way the street lights made her hair gleam with its own inner light, the way her eyes, nearly the same shade of green as his own, would sparkle when she smiled. Another slow, steady draw of the blade across his skin, but it did not stop the chaos inside him, did not release the pain as it usually did.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Tifa peered into the window of the small first-floor apartment in the slums of Sector 5, sighing. *I wish Vincent hadn't asked me to do this. . .but then again I never could turn that man down *

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

And that was what he did. . .watch the ruby colored droplets ooze down his arms like wine from a bottle. No one knew. All the others; Reno, Rufus, Rude, Tseng, and Elena; all they knew was that he'd suddenly walked back into Shinra Headquarters the day after Meteor had been destroyed, his eyes unclouded by the madness that had seized him during that time. He'd simply gone back into the lab, grabbed Professor Hojo by the neck, silently driven the Masamune through the body of the scientist that had caused so much of his pain, and walked out, never saying a word to anyone. No one knew where he had gone after that night.

In fact, it was simply by chance that Vincent had happened upon him as he was entering the hovel he lived in; and had watched as he entered.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Tifa gasped as the figure turned around, applying cotton balls to the dripping wounds on his arms, then bandaging them up before sliding the black long sleeved shirt back on. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know what he'd done, so she acted on impulse, scrambling through the half-open window like a rabbit squeezing into it's hole.

"Sephiroth!" She called out as he began to walk into his bedroom. "Just what in the fucking name of the Planet do you think you're doing?!"

The silver-haired head whip around at the too-familiar voice, his face first twisted into a snarl at her intrusion, the settling into a resigned expression as he realized his little "secret" was out.

"What are you doing here, Lockhart? Shouldn't you be in Cloud's bed fucking his brains out about now?"

Tifa growled at his statement, then looked him straight in the eye. "If you must know, your father asked me to check on you."

"Father?" Sephiroth laughed bitterly. "What father? I killed him or didn't you hear?"

"Didn't YOU know? Hojo was never your father. . .twe got from results of the DNA test we got from the cells in Hojo's lab yesterday. See for yourself." She handed him the sheet she had removed from her bag.

He glanced at it idly, until one name shook him to his core. "Vincent. ..Valentine? He's my father? But how come no one ever told me?"

"Hojo threatened to have anyone who even mentioned the man's NAME killed. He didn't want anyone to know that Lucretia wouldn't let him even so much as TOUCH her. Legally you were Hojo's child because he was married to your mother, but that doesn't mean he really was your father."

Then, Tifa's dark eyes narrowed as she glanced at his arms. "But now we have to deal with another issue. . .how long have you been cutting? Be honest with me."

He blushed darkly at the intensity of that gaze, knowing she would accept nothing less than the truth. "Ever since I joined SOLDIER. ..at first it was the only way to hold my own pain at bay and do what needed to be done. Then when Jenova came. . .it was an act of defiance, my way of knowing that enough of my own will was still intact to resist her when I wanted my own thoughts to myself for a time. Now. . .now I can't stop. It's become an addiction of a sort to me."

Vincent strolled into the building and knocked on the door, his eyes burning with anxiety as he walked away from the window where he'd been watching the conversation Tifa had been having with his son.

Sephiroth started at the knock, the sudden noise causing his head to shoot up and turn to seek the source. When he realized it was from the front door, he strode over and opened it, revealing the face of the dark-haired ex Turk. The red-tinted eyes were shadowed, and he sighed.

"All I can do is say I am sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me. .. you have every right to be furious with me, and if you were to throw me out right now you'd be perfectly within your rights to do so. But I'd appreciate it if you'd hear me out."

The long, pale haired rustled over the dark cotton shirt as Sephiroth nodded slowly. "Go ahead." The voice was terse, as if he was trying to hold back years of despair and anger.

Vincent suddenly reached over and lifted one of the younger man's sleeves, exposing the criss-cross tracks of scars across his arm. "I won't ask why, because knowing what I do that would be a stupid question. I won't ask when it started, either, because it really isn't something I need to know. But what I will ask is that you let me give you the strength you need to stop. It's a road I've been down before, and trust me, it isn't one you want to travel to its end."

Sephiroth snarled "What the Hell business is it of yours, anyway?"

Vincent lifted up both sleeves, exposing his own scarred arms, the tissue thick and rough above the implants Hojo had given him. "You weren't the only one Hojo forced to deal with their own pain in uncoventional ways. Like father, like son. . .so it seems."

Vincent stared into those green eyes intently. "You have your mother's eyes."

The younger man nodded, then suddenly broke down, releasing the pain in cleansing tears.

Vincent embraced his son. "We'll get through this, I promise. . .we'll do it together."

The end

If I get enough positive feedback, I may write a sequel to this.