Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Iron roses ❯ That light that doesn't shine ( Chapter 8 )

May I take a few lines to thanks all of my reviewers from the bottom of my heart. Being a pretty insecure writer, I enjoy each and every of your kind words. Thanks again.

Disclaimer *dum dum de dum*: You know who owns them.

Chapter 8: This light that doesn't shine.

Allen sat in the flower field, behind the huge family house he shared with

Alitas, his mother. He sat just like a young prince would sit, with his knees

bent and his legs crossed, and his back so flawlessly straight it hurts. In

fact, his back already hurt when he woke up a few hours ago. He hadn'd slept

well. His mom, in a typical protective way, would have said he shouldn't eat

breakfast before going to bed, but he knew better. The nightmares reappaeared on

a regular basis, always the same terrifying view of his naked body being torn

apart by huge and ugly mechanical devices, and each time he screamed, screamed

endlessly as the regenerated skin was ripped again and again by immaculate,

buzzing steel. Even awake, the distressing image of sharp-edged cranes and

blades assaulted his mind whenever he tried to relax. Not like he was that

familiar with the relaxed state, anyway. Even in the bright afternoon sun sparkling on the calm lake, the warm breeze and the peaceful image of flowers and hills, his mind raced quicker than any haste spell.

Still, he could feel his shoulders muscles unclamp lightly when he tought about

the afternoon he had planned out. He hadn't seen her for three days and he

missed her a lot, all this time. He was happy his mother accepted his request to

free her from training until sunset.

His whole body tensed in a painful knot when a pair of very juvenile hands

suddenly blinded him. And instantly relaxed as the familiair obnoxious giggles

rang in his right ear, right above the heat of Erin's head on his shoulder. They

stayed that way for a moment, her still trying to suppress her laugh and him

just sitting there, smiling as he absorbed her childish scent, something like

pears and the chocolate cake she had for dinner. Then Erin, still giggly, freed

his eyes and crashed beside him, tucking her supple body under his arm. This

time Allen smiled almost genuinely. The girl radiated joy and playfulness. She

belonged to that sunlit flower field just like the stars belinged to the

nocturnal sky.

"Slept well?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Mmhm."

"Good, because I slept awful! There is that woman in my room that is always

having weird dreams and she's talking and sometimes she even screams!"

"She screams?" The boy felt sudden sympathy for the unknown woman. He understood

all the terrors of the night.

"Yes! Like she's having a monster in her bed or something! The other woman in

our room said maybe we would have to lock her in the bathroom."

"She said that? You think you will do?"

"Not me but maybe her, yes! She's a great madam, and you know what? She has your

head too!"

"Now now this head is mine, girl!"

"Yeah I know that, stupid!" Erin cried with what seemed to be undevelopped

frustration. "But she has the same head! with no hair. She's very cute, too. You

should meet her."

"Isn't she a little old for me?"

"Uggh!! I can't ever talk seriously with you!!"

"Okay okay, I'm serious now. Seriously, what have you learned this morning?"

Erin quickly brightened up.

"They taught me how to use support magic! I learned to cast float!"

"Oh really! And it went well?"

"Not really. I was too excited because we were going to spend the afternoon together. I couldn't concentrate, and I did a big nasty mistake."

"Big and nasty uh? What was this bad?"

Erin pointed out the distant place where a bunch of barn-like buildings hid the facilities behind the aspect of a family farm. It took him a few second to find out one of the wood racks they used to pile winter logs was actually floating several meters above the ground, followed by 3 swearing and sweating men with ropes and weights. Allen's face lit up and he broke into a fit of genuine laughs as he watched the rack drift carelessly in the wing like a balloon.

"You did this??"

"Ain't my fault! They told me to cast float on a log and I was distracted. I cast it on the whole rack instead!"

"How many spells did you cast on that thing?"

"Juss one I swear!! Only one! I stopped when I saw something was wrong but it was too late!"

Allen laughed harder, watching the men trying to catch the rack as it was getting higher. A simple dispel, a spell he had in quantity inside him, would have done the job, but it was too damn funny. Erin had flushed bright red and was absently munching her lower lips.

"You sure are full of surprise, chaffinch." He finally said, smiling brightly at her. In fact, he was believing it and the `full of surprises' was an understatement. Float spells were supposed to slightly lift the object of person off the ground, not to make them migrate to another country! Considering the height and weight of the wood rack, he calculated at least 6 to ten float spells would be necessary to get it that high, depending on the person's hability with magic. And she tells him she'd been using only one? That couldn't be, unless her magical aura was far more powerful they had expected at first. After all, the girl's aura was pretty weak when he snatched her away from the train. Could she be lying? She sure didn't looked like she was. Erin had a total confidence in him. And so he had. SO lying wasn't an option.

Erin had slipped into happy daydreaming when she heard him using her pet name. She couldn't help but feel attracted to him. He was the only one she could talk to, and feel like she was being heard, understood. All the others, even that nice bald woman from her dorm room, threated her just like a child. Of course, she was a child, but she was much more mature inside, although she still haven't learned the right words to express this maturity. Allen understood everything and responded to it in a way that made her feel incredible.

"Say, Allen…"

The boy slowly drew his attention away from the comical scene in front of them, and to her pouty face.

"Yes?"

"I like you a lot."

"You know I like you a lot too."

Satisfied, she gently nudged his side, waiting for the protective arm to wrap around her shoulders and hold her just like she loved it, in a tight, chaste hug.

"Will you marry me when I'll get older?"

Allen didn't found the question disturbing at all, even though eight years separated them. It just sounded natural.

"Yes, I will. But you grow up first. You grow up a lot first!"

A sweet sound, half a purr, half a sigh, escaped her lip. Then she stood up.

"Okay, mister husband. Now we RUN!!" She yelled as she ran away from him, in the mountain's direction. Allen laughed and followed her, careful not to run too fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~xXXx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waking up there was always being assaulted by the heavy smell of the manic

cleaness of her room. Detergents and disinfectants and medication dumped

everywhere created an heavy atmosphere, between comfort and distress. Quistis'

eyes opened and immediatly focused on the white ceiling. One of her hand, numb

from having been stuck under her head the whole night, crept up her face to

caress her skull, shocked as always to find it shaven and smooth like baby skin.

Althought she had been there for roughly a week and couldn't remember having it

shaved since they first plugged her on that damned machine, Every morning would

find her as bald as the morning before.

Even stranger, she seemed to be the only one in this place suffering this

treatment. All of the people she had met or seen since she got there, silents

and weakers, had their hair intact. Their situation, however, seemed harder than

hers and her roomates'. Some of them were horribly thins, their bones sticking

out of their light hospital jacket, and their skins greyish.

This place, it should be huge to contain all those people, and all this heavy

machinery. Everything in sickening white, white, white, not even yellowish, like

white walls tend to turn after a while. Just plain, glowing white. Painful

white. Reverberating everyone's suffering, and a tiny chord of hope, and

happiness. Erin.

That lovely little brat. Always smiling, Always hugging. She used her "special

powers" to attract birds from the outside into the room and teach them lullabyes

and other childish songs. Then they would sing for her at dusk, when she was

forced to go to bed. With her innocent charm and gleeful personnality, this girl

would one day have empires kneeling in front of her...

But right now, she slept soundly beside her, her blonde head buried against her

chest and exhalating her own natural scent of fresh grass and pears. Since that

first morning where they met over eggs and toasts, Quistis' hadn't slept alone a

single night. Erin would stay in her bed until light's out, then crawl under the

covers of Quistis' bed and wrap her in her little heat.

Lovely, lovely little brat. And that Allen she wouldn't stop talking about, that

delicate-boned, pale-faced bald child. she barely remembered him at all,

although she knew she had followed him into the train, then out at the East

Academy station, and then again up north to that room. All she could remember

from the whole time the walked together was that silence, that didn't seemed

heavy, or uncomfortable, like they usually are. This one was almost sweet,

eerie, just like a natural thing between two human being linked by something.

After, or before that, nothing, or barely anything.

She perfectly knew the reason of her partial amnesia. She felt it the first time

that needle plounged inside her intimate core. They were draining her. Every

cell of her body cried each time the complicated devices hissed and methodically

sucked her dry of that 'special' thing she had inside, this secret strenght she

felt in her since childhood but never really tried to understand. And, along

with that specific energy, her memories, her feelings...she felt it. She was

being slowly turned into a drone. Each night her body tried his best to

regenerate what have been lost. But she was always weaker. The material needed

to regenerate was getting harder and harder to gather.

She still had enough sense to understand where she was, and where she came from.

A homeland now nameless for her, and those people she had a strange familiarity

with, but couldn't name. A guy with whom she had a strong attraction at some

point, a shiny pair of grey eyes lost in a fog of dark braids. Another,

associated with annoyance, a blonde with blue...no not blue....green! He has

green eye, but so pale they could easily pass for light blue. He was the one she

remembered the most, even to the clothes he usually wore, that very pompous gray

trench with those dork-looking crosses. And another blondie, younger and

bouncier. And a dark-haired girl with a mouth that kept switching between a

tender smile and a nasty grin. The kind of face you could punch for hours and

still have the greatest time of your life...

A matter of days and she would have forgotten about them too. Did they

remembered her? Were they looking for her? She couldn't exactly recall the

nature or importance of her relationship with them, so she couldn't decide.

Maybe she was already replaced in their heart, just like dead people. In a

couple of days, she would be dead to herself. She would be a drone. There

weren't much time left for her.

No more acquaintances, no more past, no more future. Just the present, and right

now Erin's soft whimpers and her real, solid being stuck against her. The only

stable thing in her melting universe.

And now she was scared she might lose her too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~xXXx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seifer emerged from slumber with a loud hiccup, staring wide-eyed at the dark

ceiling above him, every fiber of his being tensed enough to snap. Squall slept

soundly in the bed next to him, his delicate features relaxed in sleep althought

the usual frown he wore in daylight seemed irremediably imprinted between his

eyebrows. It was obvious Squall had nothing to do with what happened, that he

hadn't heard what Seifer heard, nor saw what he saw. Hyne blessed him!

Those huge eyes with a distinct blue light fading and staring directly at him,

asking, no begging him to light them again. The woman was thin, and bald, just

like that boy they were still trying to get a grip on. A strong feeling of

disorientation and confusion poured from her. But even in her state of physical

weakness and emotional pain, he could recognize her amongst thousands.

She was screaming at him and he suffered with her. He saw that monstruous needle

approach her face, then disappear from her eyesight, and then the sharp pain,

the screeching feeling of the steel as it searched against the skull for the

hole, and passed throught it to join the evasive spot right above her left ear,

where aura lingered like a clear fountain. Seifer perceived a slight purring

sound, like a playful kitten could be hidden somewhere. The sucking sensation

took him by surprise, but apparently not her, in fact she didn't even jumped as

the fountain was thoroughly drained, and her world melted into a meaningless mix

of voices and colours. It felt like he was himself being removed from her and

sucked into the humming device. The whole process had only took a minute. The

purring sound was gone.

That's when the connexion had broken between them. As as Seifer tried to unclasp

his hand from the spot where the needle penetrated her brain, their brains, he

couldn't forget that the real reason why the woman he cherished broke the

contact with him. That was because she couldn't remember. Seifer wasn't even

sure she knew who he was in the first place. But at least she was alive. There

was still hope and he was going to take every tiny little piece of it.

Stumbling down his bed Seifer gripped the headboard to regain his balance and

stormed in the bathroom, ignored by his snoring roomate. The shower briefly ran,

and was settled cold enough to free a litany of very offensive and colored

curses from his mouth. But when he stormed back, he was a fresh and awake as in

the middle of the day. When discovering the former commander hadn't even moved,

Seifer stopped dead on his tracks and, enlightened by a sudden inspiration,

returned to the bathroom door, which he delicately open to make sure it wouldn't

creak, and then violently slammed.

Squall litterally jumped off the bed, the sudden rush of adrenalin in his system

making him wide awake and agressive. unable to take hold of his gunblade, which

has been very cleverly pushed under the bed, but apparently too far out of

reach, he comicly grabbed the bedside lamp and almost threw himself on Seifer.

The rather large blonde easily stopped his blow and the lamp smashed on the

ground

"Damn it!" Squall yelled " I could have killed you on the spot, you stupid

dumbass! What was that for? It's...." He paused briefly enough to cast a glance

at the clock on the opposite wall "It's fucking 4 in the morning!"

"And if you don't stop yelling it at the whole place we will get thrown out!"

"Why you big-"

"Squall, Quistis contacted me!"

Squall's long trail of insults died on his tongue. "She what?"

"She's somewhere around. I don't think she could have contacted me if she was

far away. She is weak, and in a horrible emotional state. I don't know exactly

what's happening to her, but she has lost all of her hair and they are directing

some kind of....research on her."

"Waitwaitwaitwait! Who are researching what on Quis? Where is she?"

"I said I didn't knew! There's men dressed in white all around her, and there

was a needle driven through her skull and into her brain. They're sucking off

her, and don't even bother asking me what they suck, I don't have the

slightliest idea. But she's forgetting us."

"She's drugged!"

"No, she's not. But she's definitely forgetting everything. She couldn't

remember my name. Nor yours. In fact she hardly remember your face.I saw Rinny

in her head too, and even the Wuss."

"Zell"

"Wuss"

"Zell"

"Wuss"

Squall glared at him, but decided it would be better to bring the conversation

back on Quistis.

"Now, how are we supposed to find her? You don't know where she is anyway."

"No but I know that we are not searching in vain! She's alive and we're going to

find her. I'm going to call for SeeDs."

Squall jumped and grabbed Seifer by the collar.

"No WAY you are gonna tell Cid I am here! He's gonna pull me in martial court

for escaping."

"Okay okay...then...we go alone and try to pull her away?"

"No...definitely not..."

"Then what?"

"Uh...you think Wuss would know who are the other blue SeeDs in Garden?"

"For fuck's sake it's Zell, dumbass!"

"Aren't we a bit ticklish today? What's with the Chicken? You usually aren't

putting that much heart into defending him."

"Fuck you and yes he does know the blue SeeDs so go mail him before I rip your

pompeous throat open!"

"Okay okay!"

The Garden's splash page showed. Seifer typed his username and password and

waited for his personal page to load.

Except that it showed an error page, along with the same message he got a couple

days ago when he tried to access Squall's page. The user was no longer a part of

this Garden.

"WHAT??" Seifer thundered, punching the screen.

"Looks like Cid is holding you responsible for my betrayal," said Squall

watching over the blonde's shoulder.

"He can't ban me! He have no proofs! He have to send a warning first damn it!"

"And he's Headmaster and he's over your little blue SeeD's butt, Seifer."

"Now how the fuck are we supposed to contact Zell? He cannot receive anything

else than Balambgarden.com adresses!"

Squall pushed the blonde off the chair and sat down. He typed Zell's username

and password, granting him access to his new boyfriend's personal page. He

clicked 'enter'.

"So I see, this isn't something more than friendship, isn't it? He laughed.

"Shut up. Ain't none of your business."

The screen in front of them blinked another 'error' page

"WHAT??" Squall shouted, almost knocking the computer over.

"Zell cannot get banned!" Exclaimed Seifer, as suprised as his brunette friend

by the situation. "Unless Cid found out he was helping you. How on Gaia did he

found out about it?"

"Like I am supposed to know?? The old man is getting more and more paranoid."

"So Zell's out...Maybe he's looking for us?"

"The Chicken can take care of himself, Squall. We have no time to run after

him."

"Yeah....yeah I guess you're right." Squall sounded suspiciously disappointed.

"Right now we have a very bald princess to rescue!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~xXXx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightfall in Balamb city was the prettiest thing on Gaia, Allen's artistic mind

decided as he watched the shadows gathers on the pier he sat on, while the slumbering sun

lit up the sea with dark orange licks. The humid air around him was slowly turning the city into a light blue ghost. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. He loved beauty more than anything, and he loved everything about beauty. The magic, the seductiveness, the wanting...

But he never wanted to touch the object of his infatuation. He feared the feel of his hands could tern it's light, it's form. He sometimes spent half a hour in the loving examination of a perfect flower, or a fallen leaf covered in frost. He could perfectly remember every details a couple hours later when, still consumed by love, he'd paint the flower's corolla or the tiny ice shards on the leaf.

His mom was very proud of his talent, and these paintings usually ended up displayed around the house. But not all of them. Some of these paintings had to be kept hidden in his room, behind a part of the wall that he had removed and hid behind a shelf. Those few paintings had a very special value for him. They were paintings of human beings he met, loved and immortalized. All of them were random people he had met in his travelings. An old man with a strange hat, a blonde flower girl holding a huge daffodil bouquet, another girl with a bright yellow jumper and strange hair, curled upward at the end. Another one was a dark-haired young man with a huge doberman on a leash. The last one, which wasn't completely dry yet, was Erin's. He had done it the morning before, while his mother was out. He planned to give her the portrait for her sixth birthday, which was going to be next week. He was very proud of this one. Her painted face looked just like the real thing, her blonde lock glistening faintly in the twilight of a candle. He had signed his full name right under the small hand that held a marguerite. Allen Oran.

He couldn't wait to see her face when she'd see this. But right now, he couldn't think about it. He had sensed an interesting aura about a hour before, and he was still tracking the owner of this aura. Balamb was a small town, but the insane amount of small alleyways led him on the wrong path more than once. But he wasn't pissed. He was very patient, having only this to do with his time until the next train ride home. And right now, he knew that person was heading his way. So he resumed the contemplation of the crimson waves and took a bite of the apple he had brought with him. The wind brought him the intense smell of seaweed and salt, and he closed his eyes, for a few seconds...

The noise of stomping feet snapped the boy out of his dreamworld. To his right, someone was coming. Walking slowly but with heavy footsteps that sounded like a lot of anger was poured in them. About ten meters away from him, a short silhouette appareared, walking to the edge of the pier. A young man, blonde and spiky-haired, maybe twenty years old? His body was stiff, determinated. He stopped right in front of the sea and crashed down to the ground, his feet over the edge of the pier and his hands supporting his face. It seemed all the world's sorrow had suddenly fell on his back. He sighed, and Allen knew tears were fighting to come out. The poor man was sad beyond words. It was truly heartbreaking.

But it would make things easier for the boy.

Allen took another bite of the apple and made sure the noise would attract the blonde's attention. The faded blue spheres turned to him, but he was hardly seeing him, it was more of an automatism.

Allen smiled gently at him, trying his best to look friendly althought he was rather saddened. The man's bright blue eyes sparkled at him, and he smiled a weak smile before standing up and joining the child. They both sat in silence, Allen chewing his fruit and the blonde chewing his lips as they watched the sun splurt its last rays on Balamb and fade away. Tears had gathered again in the blonde's eyes, this time flowing freely even though his face stayed calm and hard. Allen had empathy. He felt his rejection, his pain, his loss. The man lost a home, lost a friend, and was slowly losing his grip on the world. How sad. The young boy slowly drew a slender arm around the blonde's shoulders, and pulled him against his shorter body. He offered aboslutely no resistance.

"What is your name?" The boy asked, working to make his voice the more childsih and innocent possible.

"Zell." He murmured without hesitation. His eyes had already glazed, revealing a pretty weak magic defense. He was not junctionned. He was innocent and sad.

"Would you like to come with me Zell?" His voice sounded even more childish, something like a singalong song. Zell's head slowly moved back and forth, like his neck was suddenly not strong enough to hold it. Allen reallized he was nodding.

"Yes?" Allen asked.

"Yes."

Allen was surprised he didn't even asked where they were going. Most of the people he snatched, even sweet Erin, had at least asked him. But this Zell didn't seem to even care. He seemed to want to disappear from the face of the Earth. Allen was happy he had found him before the man did something stupid, like jumping from the pier. As he slowly stumbled back on his numb legs, and held a comforting hand in Zell's direction, he truly hoped his mother and the other specialists from the research center would help him and make him a strong, free man.

The blue shroud slowly opened it's rags to let them drown in. Somewhere near, a train whistled. Allen walked faster.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~xXXx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where are you?

<….I don't know!>

You must have a clue where you are! Is there a window?

<…yes…>

What do you see?

<Mountains. Not high enough to have snow. And in front of the mountains, a huge flower field.>

*sigh * That could be anywhere. You have more clues?

<……there's sometimes sounds of birds, how do you call those birds, that lives near water?>

Seagulls?

<No….not those. You know, those with lots of colours, and flat beaks?>

Ducks!

<Yeah ducks. I hear them all the time.>

You're near a lake. A big lake?

<I don't know! I never go out. They never let me out of this place. I don't know!> Refrained sobs filled her voice.

Calm down. We can help you now. Do you know who I am?

<…..I…..no.>

You don't remember me?

<…I remember you used to be near me. But I don't know where. I don't know your name. I wouldn't recognize you if I had you in front of me….I'm sleepy.>

Stay with me.

<I want to….but I'm sleepy. They…shot me something….it's cold.>

Quistis, stay awake! Stay with me!

<….can't….Quis…tis?>

QUISTIS!!

<…>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~xXXx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~