Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Kara's Story ❯ Chapter 1: She Will Be Loved ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Songfic Title: She Will Be LovedNote: Sorry if you find it a bit confusing cuz it's a new character and you think ive done a rubbish job on describing her and introducing her more than anything. But it's like a side fic for my What's Meant To Be. If you reading this than thanks so much for taking the time. don't own the characters, well everyone but Kara, she's mine. And the lyrics belong to Maroon 5. Have you seen the full fledged disclaimers that people do so they really can't get sued? Scary...queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else/

Her glistening dark beauty, something she felt old with. The thick make-up, the layers built up still in perfection. The eye liner ever jet black and thick around her deep sad blue eyes, the thick long eye lashes splashed with three layers of mascara. The waterproof application made sure that it couldn't rub off from them and would continue to look adoring into the mirror or the people. The light layer of perfect pale pink across the top of her eye lids to give her soem gentleness. Her glossy pink lipgloss, sticky but so kissable. Her coffee hair tied back tight and perfect, no bumbs. Her figure perfect, breasts big, thin waist, average height, slender hands. Her thin brown eye brows narrowing to complete the sad look she gave to herself as she stared into this haunting mirror.
Kara wasn't like her friends, wasn't like many people she knew. She was gorgeous, she knew it, and...her love for it had died. Grown old and bitter on her attitude and expression, her perspective slurred by her life, the affects that being gorgeous took. It was too sad to keep smiling, the fakeness of the situation always the same. The same longing for someone to come and comfort her, the same hungier longing for an admittance. Years now she'd wanted to say how she felt, to do teh pain true justice, she needed to cry and grieve but...it never helped when she was by herself. There was so much she didn't understand and so much that made her mind become chaotic by just thinking about their glances, them.
Kara was one of Rinoa's oldest and bestest friends. They'd met when Rinoa had run away from Deling City and went to Timber to stay with a distant relative, a friend of her mothers. They'd gone through being 13 thru to 17 when she'd disappeared on an advanture and then they'd met ago by fate at Balamb Garden. Kara wasn't any one with high status, she was a Timber girl. A gorgeous Timber girl with a lot of charm, sexually. Her and Rinoa had always been close ever since the sorceress' mother died and she moved in with her. They'd had fun and Rinoa could always cry on Kara's shoulder when she needed it. Now they shared dorms and everything seemed...like old times...without the happiness...
Still stood in the same stony tense in the long mirror inside her dormitory room, still watching herself as still as she could. Still unable to breath with any comfort or security. She knew why they looked at her, she knew why they spat at her. She knew why they desired her. Somehow the joke had just killed through her, she'd never been serious before. Never. Not about that. How her and Rinoa used to joke about marrying rich old men and being tarts but proud, disgusting now. Knowing both their attraction to guys, puberty brought this on them. As they'd both started to develop they'd both started to notice things that only adults were suppose to do. Sexual Activity became so much more exciting then braiding each others hair and talking about what happened on saturday at whoevers girly sleep over. It was a game to them then when it had all started. They were even love rivals for a year or two. And it was so competitive when they could use their attraction with their oozing egos and confidence but now...years on...a realistic perspective came over her, finally. Rinoa's had appeared the day she met Squall.
Going into the classrooms and feeling their eyes on her. She knew what they said. She knew she didn't want to be who she made out to be. Easy. And she knew that Rinoa was beginning to see under her mask, however hard she tried to grip it. Things had happened that had triggered the slow self loathing and self pity, but also the development of growing into a young adult had changed her perspective towards sensibility.
Knowing today would be no different, she'd always got the whispered words of some jerk asking for her to come over tonight. Or the bitchs at the back of the class telling their friends behind hands about what Kara had supposedly done at some point or another. Sickening to think they couldn't see but if thats all she'd ever showed, how would any body know? She was so sick of being an object, a gorgeous object that everyone thought was easy. She had depth, she wanted to show everyone but now she felt she'd tied herself up so tight that she couldn't escape.
Thinking about the night she'd met Chris and he'd taken her into his arms. It was the first time she felt loved, and loved so deeply. It was the first time she thought someone could see behind her wicked exterior that she put on for show. The first time someone could see through it and see her...and love her. But she was just a fool, a shag for him. Nothing more. She couldn't conjure all the emotions that she felt towards him. She couldn't sum up in any amount of words the helplessness and hatred she felt. All the hurt. She'd let him take her that night, she'd laid down with him and let him hold her, let him kiss her, let him undress her, believed he loved her...believed that's why he had sex with her. A few nights later, he was gone. And every now and then when she saw his eyes, he'd smirk. And she was afraid. More than afraid. Something about him gripped her and she couldn't move, couldn't get away from his sly snaking hand. He'd left her, not the other way round.
That's how her life had always been, all because of that front that her and Rinoa had always thought was so funny, when it was actually something so deep and hurtful...and utterly classless. Guys would come and go, each one hurting her. Leaving her more bitter every time they did, all because she had 'wanted' people to know that she was a player, a slapper and she was proud. But even when Rinoa made jokes it cut her so deep, so deep it stopped her breath and she couldn't live through another moment of it. Some how her absent stare and sudden loss of feeling had saved her from falling when the comments came, but she never knew how they came to save her.
At night she'd cry so painfully...she had done things to make her seem like a slut. She wasn't. But people all thought it and said it. And her proud act didn't help her, she wanted to escape the frame she was in. Get away from who she was now. Wanted to go back to when it was all just a good laugh and didn't do anything about what her and Rinoa 'believed in', when it all was just a joke. Those words...every last one of them, they all crawled through her skin at night when silence was the only thing around her. When the blur of reality all slowed down, and it was her time to rest. Everything came back to her in a fury and filled her with sorrow.
Watching herself in the mirror...this was all too familiar after the years, after what felt like her whole interior life. There wasn't much of an intensity in her eyes now, just...a lost gaze.
Rinoa stood in the kitchen attached to her and Kara's two bedrooms, watching through the door to the unaware friend. Watching the gorgeous girl, Rinoa had seen it grow. And all she could do was watch...until she fell...than she'd run in and catch her...but it was so sad. It made her heart feel so heavy to watch Kara day in day out lie through that broken smile.
Turning her gaze away she walked to the door frame and knocked lightly on the opened door, resulting in a startled Kara gasping and turning to face her best friend with a sudden automated smile. Rinoa's eyes saddened at the smile, she couldn't reply one with one of her perfect masks this morning. It brought tears to her eyes...but it was just another day.

/I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more/

Rinoa watched Kara as she entered their dormitory through the main door into the kitchen area where she was sat reading a magazine. Kara had been drinking, and...crying. Gulping she stood up and watched as Kara stormed past. Her face dead, her posture furious. The young sorceress felt her arms pull up to embrace the pacing girl but she was out of reach too quickly, the door slamming back in Rinoa's face. She'd remembered being so envious of her dorm buddy, she remembered them both growing up together and having so much fun with their heartless attitude to men.
What had Rinoa, Kara, Quistas and Selphie all laughed hysterically at the other day? 'Toy with them, then destroy them.' That's what Kara had said, and Rinoa could see through it. Everything had seemed so vacant behind their laughs that day, Rinoa could only watch as they laughed, could only try her best to master the art that Kara had.
Rinoa had often thought she'd fallen in love with Kara, she'd only ever saw beauty in those eyes. She'd mistaken herself though, it wasn't beauty. It was sorrow, and somehow in her own mind sorrow was beautiful. They were best friends, and ever since they were children they'd appriciated each other's beauty and sadness. Sorrow. Rinoa could only see why any man would love Kara could touch her, Rinoa never got real urges to do so herself. But could feel her soul understand what Kara wanted to be touched and how, Rinoa sometimes felt her hands shaping how the man that deserved her should hold her. The in take of breath when Kara cried on her shoulder was smouthering, she wanted to hold Kara so tight but so gently. She wanted Kara to know how it felt to be touched by someone who loved her. That's why Rinoa had wanted to, just to see Kara clensed, even just for a little while.
She loved Kara, so she was so desperate to see someone like Squall was to her, appear in Kara's life. Just see the happiness in those sweet blue eyes again. That's what had made Rinoa's hand move the way someones should around Kara. She knew what Kara needed, every bit...but...she didn't love Kara the way that she needed to in order to touch her. So all she could do was watch her best friend detierate in what seemed like endless sorrow. All Rinoa wanted was for someone to pick Kara up, make her feel beautiful. She couldn't force anyone to love her, that's not how love works but she was praying so hard that someone would come and be Kara's knight soon because it was just so hard to watch her vacant stare into the mirror every morning and every night.
Rinoa suddenly wanted Squall...bad...
She felt sudden over whelming guilt creep up through her as she reached for the phone. How could she call him up and cry to him, make herself feel fine again until she'd look her friend in the eyes again. She should be devoting her time to helping Kara in whatever way posible. Yet just by watching the gorgeous ghost she knew feeling low herself wouldn't help her when she would have to walk in and hold her tight and hear her cry...she couldn't fight it. She knew if she told Squall about this guilt he'd only try to reassure her that it was Kara's problem, that there was probably nothing she could do and state a couple of times over that it wasn't her fault.
She couldn't fight it, she had Squall but Kara had no one and the damage the guys had impacted on her wasn't going to leave her open for anyone to walk back in again. Rinoa couldn't take this sadness she was contemplating, she had to help Kara but she didn't know how. Gripping hold on the phone she hit Squall's number in holding back a cry, a whimper...

/I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved/

Kara was reminded of all the times they'd left her behind and broken, she knew there was no one for her and that to be gorgeous was a curse. Everything about her seemed kissable, that's how guys saw her. Temptation of what seemed wicked. That's how she felt. She didn't feel like a person any more, what they were saying and what she pretended was grinding into her head. The guilt of her attitude before was beginning to disappear, maybe she was good for one thing. Even if it made her cry and feel extreme sorrow...how could she help what she was good for? She thought bitterly.
There was nothing, she didn't think she was intelligent or strong. She wasn't artistic or musical. What did she have other than the male eye on her, what did she have other than the girls jealousy, what else did she have but emptiness? There was nothing, just a huge ugly hole, and that's how she felt now as well. In rare moments of drunkenness or just rock bottom depression the real side would surface, the side that none of us know until our souls can't take any more so let it scream out to us what's wrong, what's eating us alive. She saw this side more than normal people, people saw it's lucky.
*****
Rinoa leant against the wall next to her bed and watched into space. She knew someone would come and get Kara one day. The world wasn't that cruel. She had her beautiful Squall. Someone priceless, he was the right one for her. And there's the right one for everybody, she knew Kara 'would be loved' but how long would it be? Would it be too late?
She didn't know how much this was eating at Kara, not the extent but she also knew that because of her love for her as a best friend, and because she could feel what Kara needed...she'd be happy to stay and hold her while they waited together. So she could just hold her and make her feel ok until he came along. She didn't mind, she preferred it. She didn't trust anyone else too any way. Looking down to her feet, she was sick of waiting but Squall had told her that Kara never helped herself with what she put on infront of everybody. He didn't understand why she did it though, and Rinoa did.
Rinoa knew it was because she was scared...because if she put this perfect front on that everyone would just leave her alone, believe she was confident and content with who she was. But she wasn't, and the scars were running so deep...

/Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore/

This agony Rinoa selfishly felt for Kara was eating away at her, just remembering her glances, her words...their memories. Rinoa needed to make her feel just fine again, wanted to make Kara feel human again. Wanted her to enjoy life and be content, wanted to make her feel beautiful. Wanted to ask whoever was looking over them to tell her exactly who her mr. right was and where he was so she could go get him and bring him to her. This was too horrible to watch her best friend die a little every day.
It was times like this when she was alone and allowed to contemplate back to what happened during the day that she felt awkward for being so cuddly with Squall in front of her. But sometimes when she noticed Kara's absent stare she wanted to see how happy she was with Squall, how happy he was and how they made each other feel that way. She wanted Kara to know that there was someone out there for her...just waiting...maybe even as misreble as she was right now. She was so scared Kara would slip at any moment and she couldn't let that happen. She wanted to ease all that fear and pain away, she wanted to feel like she was a good friend who could do that for her...
Kara wasn't a slut, they all knew it. All being Quistas, Selphie, Rinoa, Irvine and Zell. Squall didn't truly believe she was a slut either but did slightly dislike her for ancient history, Kara hadn't liked him when he first met the two together here at Balamb. Messing them about a bit, breaking them up or whispering lies. Just another form of insecurity Rinoa saw, that was old and too long ago and all Kara and Rinoa understood now was that they were best friends. Squall still bitter but not as angry as he had been.
The difference between Kara and a slut was that sluts allowed themselves to be so content and happy with their lifestyles. Sluts being women who enjoyed what they did and thought it was funny still at the age of 50. Kara hated every second of cheap flesh she showed off. She didn't flaunt any more but that didn't stop the guys from seeing that she was gorgeous and that she did have something nice to play with.

/It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want/

Rinoa feared that perhaps Kara didn't feel like she could fall into her arms and cry anytime she needed it. She'd been more than distant now that her and Squall were so serious, it was the same with everything in her life. Squall took a lot of her time, every minute she gave him she never regretted. But she also knew that Kara could see Rinoa's own problems and that she feared she would only drag her down. Something in which Rinoa didn't mind but understood it to be only naturally, she felt awkward asking for help now too...but if she ever did need help or just a talk Squall was always there, always. As was she for him...whether he knew it or not.
The ebony haired teenager wanted to walk into Kara's room right now and tell her how wide her door was open, how much she was ready to hold her tight and let her cry. How much she longed for her best friend to get it out in the air again to give herself sometime to untense and let herself breath for just a little while until it all got her down again. At which point Rinoa would stop out again.
None of this was fair, she'd established this a long time ago but nothing seemed to be fair in life. Life wasn't always perfect and fun, in fact life for Kara must seem like an equivalent to hell considering how low she felt all the time. Yet all Rinoa could offer was a shoulder and by now...she realised that that was simply not enough. And it tore her up inside, into so many pieces, it was so cruel of the world to let Kara live the way she did. For some god to help her realise who she really was, for her to let go of that mask. For something or someone to ease all her insecurities away, and also for it to happen as soon as possible. Kara didn't know how she numbly walked through her life now but it was pulling her deeper and deeper under. She didn't want to live this way deep down under all the self pity and fear, she couldn't let go of it all though. It was far too hard.

/I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved/

The slightly distorted image of the bottle gave the drunken blue eyed teen a feel of familiarity. Kara smiled at something Irvine said and cuddled up with Quistas tightly while they all sat about in Squall and Zell's dormitory. Quistas and Kara were cuddled up on the bed while Irvine and Zell sat next to each other in the corner. Squall and Rinoa were tucked away in another corner but weren't sat in the comfortable easy going positions as everyone else. Squall had laid down and relaxed on his beany and Rinoa had jumped on top of him to tease. Selphie sat giggly next to the girls on the bed but not up close as she felt odd to do so.
After a few more passing of the alcoholic (STRONG) beverage they all lazed about either giggling or making the joke. However, the atmosphere was dropping, horribly. And even Squall and Rinoa could feel it while they stayed entangled in each other surrounded by their bubble. Silence creeping slowly over the group, sobs beginning to be heard.
A panicked Rinoa turned her head to see Kara cuddled up against the wall, Selphie and Quistas huddled over her and asked her questions. A little off balance from the drink Rinoa pulled away from Squall and made her way towards the girls as Irvine and Zell lingered in the corner awkwardly...
"Kara?" Rinoa murmured as she bent over her, holding her back.
Hearing the mumbles afterwards she was confused but she knew she was about to let out the same feelings that were deep rooted in her, feeling scared that their friends would have to witness Kara's hurt. Rinoa looked around slightly frantically and spoke soothingly...
"Everything's gonna be just fine..." Was that it? Your great words of wisdom Rinoa? Your pathetic, you couldn't help any one...
Rinoa shook the thoughts out of her head and listened to what her friend was about to sob out. Realising that she was going to have to reassure her with her words to the best of her ability again, saying the same things won't help so all she could rely on was instinct. She wasn't too good at reading that...
"Every time they say it it sticks with me...I don't wanna feel like this. I try to hide it like you do with your problems but I can't. My smiles are so fake..and I can see yours." The words were bearly hearable but Rinoa's ears were so used to her friends voice now. "Chris hurt me so bad...it wasn't Killah...I lied, I'm sorry." Kara sobbed whole heartedly. "But when you make jokes than I know that that's what people think and I don't want them to...I want someone to love me...I'm so sorry, I'm so weak."
Rinoa a little taken aback by her comment about Killah and Chris, she would sort that bit out later. She had to tell Kara that it wasn't like that, it wasn't like that at all. That her friends cared and knew how she was. They knew she wasn't who they said they were. That she was sorry that she joked about it and that she'd stop. That she thought differently. That it was right for her to tell Rinoa all this, that it was healthy and that everything would be fine again.
Squall watched silently, awkward with the situation and unsure of what he should do or even could do. Mixed emotions towards the girl sobbing her heart out laid out on the bed, his girlfriend holding her and contemplating deeply what she should say next.
Irvine, wanting to walk over to Kara and hold her, tell her that he cared, that he definately felt differently. This was horrible and it made him feel sick to his stomach to hear her say those words, and extreme sympathy and awkwardness paralysising him to the spot in which he sat staring at the girls surrounding her on the bed.
Zell, just as awkward as his two best friends watched, waiting to agree with whatever comforting words the girls would muster. Waiting for some time for him to step in and make things a little better for his new dear friend.
Selphie, watching over the perfect make-up as it ran, smugging, falling away...her mask. Her gorgeousness slipping away, her own opinion on problems twisted her inside, preventing her from moving forward and holding close to her. Looking up at the two sincere friends, the instructor and the sorceress, huddling so close to Kara. Feeling pushed out she sat up straight and looked around the room to the guys down faces, postures loose and misreble with the depressing atmosphere.
Quistas, looking at the tears rolling down the heart beaten girl laid in front of her, there was some part of her, a big part of her, that felt exactly the same. Feeling the tears prickling her own eyes she had to look away...and soon walk away to go sit by Irvine and Zell. The alcohol letting herself slide against Irvine for some comfort only a true friend could bring. It was the alcohol that had let herself accept that she was very sad and alone...the reflection that she saw in Kara's pain.
Rinoa shut her head violently...
"You're not weak. I believe in you. We all do...I'm..." Rinoa had to stop to breath and take back the tears she felt stinging the rims of her eyes. "So sorry I still joke about it...I didn't know and I'm so sorry...but..." She trembled for a moment, the guilt gathering in her throat as a lump prevented her from her speech.
"I know you don't mean it..." Kara whimpered.
"But I'm still sorry...it affects you...I was wrong to do that to you...I'm sorry...but like I said. We all believe in you. None of us think you are. We all love and care about you. I'm here for you to cry on...that's what friends are for. That's why your not weak. You can't go through life and not have had to talk to someone about the way you feel, it's not right. Ignore what they all say, you know truly what you are deep down."...
......

/I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls/

"I'm sorry she had to fall infront of you...I should of seen this coming, I did..." Rinoa apoligised to her friends, she'd taken Kara home and come back to see everyone.
The expressions were daunt and heavy and she knew it was her fault...
"No, it's fine." Zell replied sweetly.
"No, it's not. I didn't help her soon enough when I should of known to...I'm sorry..." Rinoa walked away as quick as possible, anything they said after that was a blur and she would never of listened away...
Thank you for falling...you'd of killed yourself if you hadn't...

/Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful/

Sobering up from the alcohol Kara rolled over on her bed towards the wall as she heard Rinoa enter their dorm and lock the door behind her. Then pacing gently towards Kara's room. Kara didn't mean to have broken down then, not in front of everyone. Now she wasn't so drunk, she understood the awkwardness she'd caused and the hurt she'd shown. All she felt down was guilt and horrible embarrassment...
"What did you mean by it wasn't Killah...? Who's Chris?" Rinoa questioned with an unfamiliar gentleness.
Soon Kara revealed through sobs that she'd never lost her virginity to Killah, she'd lost it to someone called Chris who was a good few years older than her and by the sounds of it, deserved a big kick in. Apparently he'd left Garden now but Rinoa still felt like hunting him down and chopping something off. Kara had spent the rest of the night just telling Rinoa about how she felt again. Rinoa didn't mind, it's what she'd wanted in the first place...

/I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved/

Quistas laid her head down to rest, a slight headache developing. She was sick of being alone and sick of feeling admired for her talents, no one ever saw her. She wanted to feel loved because of who she was. This hadn't torn her up to the extent that it had Kara and she'd never been abused the stage that Kara had either but it was still one of her own problems, one of her own insecurities.
Her bottom lip upturning into her upper she sniffed and began to sob, the utter feeling of loneliness cursed her so. She gripped her eyes close but the darkness only brought louder whimpers and more salt water. She felt so tired and so afraid, to close her eyes and release there was nothing there that she could look forward. She loved to teach and she loved her friends but maybe she was just taking them for granted. Everybody did when they become so comfortable with something they see or feel every day...
Today only made her realise just how much she was sick of guys looking at her because she was gorgeous and kissable. She wanted to feel that way but not now. She wanted someone to come and look deep into her eyes, she wanted someone to understand her and know who she was on the inside and love her regardless. Than she wanted to feel gorgeous, and by there hand only. That's all she wanted, a little fairy tale story of her own. So sick of seeing Squall and Rinoa so cuddly. She felt so darkly lonely and all she could so was admit to herself that she was alone. She'd never wake up to any one in the morning and she was so sick of waiting...she wanted to just be loved.
Part of the problem was her fault, she had met some guys who had wanted to be with her because of the small insight they'd had on her but as soon as they'd shown that interest she'd become scared. Scared that they would look deep inside. Chasing back and forward between wanting them to see and terrifed of them seeing left her feeling cold and alone. Watching Kara today...maybe she was just tired...maybe the alchol was still in her system...whatever the reason...
Things weren't right...

/Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain/

Things will always linger in the past, we have to embrace and move on...things happen in our lives that influence who we are but it doesn't stop us from forgetting and moving on from the nightmares we've had. Kara knew that to get away from the way she felt she'd have to get away from the past, from the things that guys had done to her...but she couldn't. she'd never say good bye to the bitterness everyone of them left behidn when they left her broken. They'd made a fool out of her, and that was what brought on the need to act as if it was right to go out and marry a rich old man. 'Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend.' It would keep her safe from hurt...
That wasn't enough...she needed somebody...she was too damn confused!
Rinoa smiled sweetly, as she watched Kara dream knowing that she'd feel better for a little while...unaware of the phone call she'd recieve tomorrow afternood while listening to a certain song...

/Try so hard to say goodbye/

Author's Note: Thank you soooooo much if you read this. I really appriciate it. And I will love you so much if you review it for me! i love reading reviews, if your a writer you'll understand! Constructive critism is more than welcome, plz tell me where i need room for improvement and if you want me to carry on Kara's story just say and I will. If you read my What's Meant To Be, you'll understand a bit more clearly I suppose. I wana do a load of side fics for the characters for What's Meant To Be so if you liked this one well.....thanks and look out for my other stuff plz. YOUR ALL GREAT!!!!