Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Learning Curve Continuum ❯ Confessions ( Chapter 18 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Fenikkusuken 
Cloud gets his mojo back... plus his confidence, his girl and his sword.
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 09.30.2011 | Pages: 8 | Words: 10.4K | Visits: 266 | Status: Work In Progress
Cloud gets his mojo back... plus his confidence, his girl and his sword.
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Adventure / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 09.30.2011 | Pages: 8 | Words: 10.4K | Visits: 266 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: Definitely not mine; always returned to Square Enix after being reminded that yes, they do have motion sickness.
A/N: Cheerfully twisting aspects of Crisis Core’s story to better fit with my ebil plans.
The SOLDIER ranks chosen for the team were based on Imperial Japanese Army rankings.
Warnings: Nudity, coarse language, dialogue reassignment, violence, canon and Item abuse.
Bouquets to my wonderful betas, Kitsune13/TamLin and Ranuel.
Learning Curve Continuum
Chapter Eighteen: Confessions
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
I woke up to liquid pattering my face, and for a very bad moment, thought I was back on that bluff overlooking Midgar. However, my mind was surprisingly clear; I had to think about that for a while. For the first time in months – no, years – there was only blessed silence.
Was I finally alone in my head?
Shiva, I hoped so.
Eventually, a dull, rhythmic roar made itself heard over my inner contemplation. I listened to the soothing sound for a while, but it wasn’t until a salty droplet landed on my lips that I realized where I was. Propping myself up on my elbows, I looked around. Gleaming wet sand and glistening black rocks framed a view of frothing peach-coloured surf, and beyond, restless, shifting orange sea.
Wait… what?
Pushing myself up to sitting, I looked around and instantly saw the source of the strange colouration – a huge, black object hanging menacingly in the western sky, surrounded by a fiery sunset-hued corona.
Meteor.
The symbol of my ultimate failure.
I watched the pale-rimmed tide run under the soles of my boots for a while, and was in the act of unzipping one to dump the water out of it when I belatedly realized that I was missing someone. Leaping to my feet, I nearly fell over myself when the world tilted and I had to grab onto a stony outcropping for balance.
“Tifa? Tifa!”
There was no reply except the muted thunder of the waves.
Stumbling between the spray-drenched rocks, I frantically searched for the woman who had followed me to the edge of death. Making desperate promises to every god and goddess I could think of as I scrambled over boulders and splashed through tidal pools, I finally spotted her floating face-down in the shallows fifty feet away.
Dear gods, not Tifa, not Tifa, not Tifa, pleasepleaseplease...!
As I charged across the beach, I noticed small details with startling clarity. Her long hair resembled dark seaweed, twining with the ivory foam clinging to her sweater and trailing across her pale arms. Both of her gloves were missing and her harness hung off her shoulders. The dragging pauldrons were probably the reason why she hadn’t washed up higher on the beach. Sloshing into the water, I caught hold of her arms and dragged her limp body further up onto the sand, then turned her over.
Tifa’s long eyelashes fanned wetly across her cheeks; her lips were parted as if she breathed, but her chest was still. Tearing off my glove, I pressed my fingers to her throat and nearly felt ill with relief when her pulse fluttered weakly. Tipping her head back, I pinched Tifa’s nose and tried breathing for her – that medic training during boot camp finally came in handy – but her mouth was full of water. Propping her onto her side, I gently pressed on her abdomen, causing a flood of shimmering green liquid to pour out of her lips. Spotting the materia winking in her Bangle and barely waiting for it to equip, I cast Cure repeatedly until Tifa started coughing, violently expelling more of the Lifestream-saturated water. While she shuddered, I rubbed her back and thanked all those celestial beings for giving her back to me.
Sweet Shiva, she was alive. Nothing else mattered.
I noted a number of small ‘dirtballs’ decorating the sand after her coughing jag and really hoped that the Lifestream had flushed out the last vestiges of Sector Seven from her lungs, assuming Barret was right about their source. Tifa finally quieted, her breathing harsh; I cast Cure again, then started pulling wayward strands of hair away from her face. She rolled onto her back and slowly opened her beautiful eyes. My heart promptly lodged in my throat.
What if she despised me, now that she knew the truth?
“Cloud,” she whispered, smiling. “Are you... all right?”
I nodded stiffly, wanting to kiss her very badly, but not sure if she wanted that. Hell, I wasn’t sure if she wanted me.
Tifa disproved that fear by wobbling upright, freeing her arms from the too-loose harness straps and crawling into my lap. Sliding her arms around me, she nestled close and sighed, “I’m so glad.”
Slowly wrapping my arms around her, my heart thumping irregularly, I exhaled and cautiously gathered her closer; Tifa hugged me tightly while making soft little humming noises that I dared interpret as happiness. I told the rest of my fears to take a hike for a while and just concentrated on holding and being held by her because we were both damn lucky to have made it out alive, considering everything that had happened. My eyes prickled; I hid my face in her wet hair and curled around her, not wanting to let her go, ever.
Tifa appeared to feel the same way, judging by the fierceness of her embrace, but I was suddenly struck by her fragility. She can kick the shit out of a beast the size of a two-story building, but this had nothing to do with her physical strength. Her slender body, its every breath reminding me how easily her life could be ended – all of her was so vulnerable.
Could I keep her safe? Could I keep my promise?
Tifa derailed my panic by stroking her fingertips across my cheek, her thumb brushing over my lips. I loosened my desperate grip just enough to peer down at her, saw her soft smile... and her dampened cheeks that had nothing to do with seawater. “I was so afraid that I’d lost you,” she whispered tremulously, and then her eyelashes fluttered closed as she gently tugged me down for a kiss that was both strange and wonderful at the same time.
Strange because it was as tentative and hopeful as a First Kiss – which in a way, it kinda was. It was the first time I had kissed her as myself, not as... that cocky SOLDIER I was trying to be, and I suddenly felt as nervous as a teenager. Then her tongue sweetly requested entrance to my mouth, and the kiss became considerably less innocent and a whole lot hotter. Tangling great handfuls of her hair, I held her snugly against my body. Tifa made eager little sounds, pressing closer with equal enthusiasm, shivering when I explored her mouth. I was trembling, too, overwhelmed completely by the intense sensations of heat and wet, as well as her apparent acceptance.
Then we lost our balance and fell over backwards onto the sand; Tifa started giggling and pushed up. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes sparkling, and she was so beautiful that my breath caught. I pulled her back down and kissed her again; she squirmed in a very distracting manner and I quickly rolled us onto our sides... right on top of one of her discarded pauldrons. Of course, it was pointy-edges up.
“Ow! Help me with this thing?”
I unbuckled the broad belt with its ShinRa logo from around her slim waist; Tifa no sooner freed herself of the harness than she pitched it. It clanged off the rocks somewhere over our heads, but we were too busy kissing to worry about where it landed. Well, Tifa was too busy; my damn brain wouldn’t shut off.
Despite all the very obvious indications, I had to know for sure what she was thinking. Breaking a kiss that left both of us gasping, I tried to compose myself while smoothing her hair away from her face. “Do you, um… what do you, er… I lied to you,” I blurted out. My ears felt like they were going to burst into flame. “I-I’m not who I said I was.”
Tifa blinked in confusion. “You didn’t officially make SOLDIER –so what?”
“Y-you’re not mad?”
She huffed a little, then softly kissed me on the lips. “I knew right from the beginning, at the train station, that something was off; that’s why I asked Barret to hire you – so I could keep an eye on you.”
“It was that obvious?”
“You knew things you shouldn’t, but didn’t remember things you should.” Tifa kissed me again and this time I responded; the caress went on long enough that she almost lost her train of thought. Almost. “It was Aerith who figured out that you were one of the troopers with Zack and Sephiroth. When we investigated the Mansion’s basement, we found the laboratory where you’d been held – and paperwork describing some of the things they’d done to both of you.”
“So all of you knew? Damn.” My stomach knotted; how was I going to face them?
“Not everyone. Just me, Aerith, Nanaki and Yuffie,” she soothed. “If anything, I’m mad at myself for not having the nerve to tell you what we knew earlier. Maybe I could’ve spared you some of the pain.”
“At risk of your life,” I replied. “Sephiroth hates me; I’m really surprised that he didn’t try to make me kill you in that illusion, because that would’ve completely finished me off.”
“You’re the only one who ever defeated him,” Tifa said proudly.
“I was furious… he’d taken away everything that mattered to me and seemed to think he was justified. Asshole. I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face so bad….”
Tifa abruptly sat up and started twisting her fingers together. “I need to tell you something, Cloud.”
Pushing myself upright, I covered her restless hands with mine and carefully watched her face. Shit, it looked serious. I’d rather kiss her some more, but instead I said, “Go ahead.”
“Last night, Dr. Lassiter told me the story of Project G….”
“Who?”
“He treated you at the ShinRa clinic in Mideel Town after the Lifestream spat you back out.”
“Okay… what the hell’s Project G?”
Tifa was clearly both excited and nervous about what she was going to say. “Cloud, there’s a very good reason why you’re the only one who can take down Sephiroth.”
“And that is?”
She bit her lip. “Your father was a scientist with Project G, and your mom agreed to take part in the same experiment as your Aunt Gillian….”
“Auntie Gilly? What does she have to do with anything?” I demanded roughly, the word ‘experiment’ completely freaking me out.
Flustered, Tifa said, “Do you remember Genesis Rhapsodos and Angeal Hewley?”
“The two bigwigs in SOLDIER, along with Sephiroth?”
“Yes. They’re your cousins.” She nervously tittered at the expression on my face.
I pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to calm myself. “Okay. Tell me the whole story… but take it slow, all right?”
“So I really am a monster,” I mumbled several minutes later.
Tifa slumped, then proceeded to lightly bang her head on my chest. “You haven’t listened to anything I’ve said,” she complained.
“When you find out that you were created as an experiment, that kinda blocks out everything else.”
“Only a tiny part of your DNA came from elsewhere, Cloud; your mom and dad’s love supplied all the rest. You weren’t an experiment or a monster to them… and you’re not to me, either, or the rest of our friends.” I still couldn’t look her in the eye; she crumpled a little more, hiding behind her loose hair. “I wish I hadn’t told you,” she said mournfully.
“Why did you?”
“I promised myself that there wouldn’t be any more secrets, that if I knew something that could affect you, I’d tell you. Because I wanted you to see that you’re better than Sephiroth can ever hope to be – and that, more than any amount of alien cells, is the reason why you’ll win.”
“Better? How?”
She lifted her chin. “You’re fighting for all of us, for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do. I believe in you, Cloud – now, more than ever. Zack was right; you can take him.”
I really didn’t want to deal with what Tifa had told me, so I changed the subject. “After he busted us out of the lab, Zack looked after me like family – never complained, not once,” I said quietly, staring out at the waves. Hunching my shoulders, I continued, “He fed me, bathed me, wiped my ass, and held me in his arms while he slept. I was a constant drain on his energy and a danger to his safety. It would’ve made far more sense for him to abandon me and escape on his own.”
Tifa cupped my face between her palms. “You were his friend and his comrade – his personal sense of honour would never have allowed him to leave you behind.”
I closed my eyes. “He died because of me. So did Aerith.”
“While you were unconscious in the Lifestream, he and Aerith came for us,” she said.
My jaw dropped. “Wh-what? Y-you saw them?”
Her smile was soft. “How do you think I changed back?”
“I, er... oh. Really?”
“Zack wanted you to know that he doesn’t blame you - not at all. He’s glad you survived, and....” She trailed off, blushing again, her hands dropping to my chest.
“And... what?” I asked, fearing another bombshell.
Tifa’s fingertips twisted into the sodden knit of my sweater, releasing distracting tickles of water down my stomach. “That you and I... um, that we’re together.”
That wasn’t what I was expecting, but I needed time to think, so I slowly tipped forward until my forehead was resting on her shoulder. Her hands came up, one slipping around the nape of my neck, the other gently sifting through my damp hair.
“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?” she whispered. “You’ve been through so much… but you’re not alone, Cloud. We’re with you – I’m with you, every step of the way.”
I still couldn’t believe that Tifa wanted to be with me. “Are you sure?” I whispered, watching her out of the corner of my eye.
“I promised to stay by your side,” she replied, flushing a lovely shade of rose. “And I meant it - for as long as you want me to be there.”
My heart clenched as my dream girl shyly offered me everything I’d ever wanted. Around the huge lump in my throat, I somehow managed to rasp, “How does ‘forever’ sound?”
Despite being one of the corniest lines in the universe, Tifa didn’t seem to mind; her warm smile loosened the tightness that had crept into my chest. “How soon can we start?” she huskily whispered.
“Gotta stop Sephiroth first.”
“That can wait for a few more minutes,” Tifa murmured, and then she kissed me – softly, wetly, deeply – and I lost myself again in her sweet welcome.
I didn’t deserve her, but I was damn well going to try.
Several very intense moments later, Tifa took us back down onto the sand, not breaking the contact between our lips. She was moulding herself against me in a completely sensual way; it occurred to me that she was being much more forward than she’d ever been before, and I couldn’t help wondering why she suddenly felt brave. After a bit more reflection that wasn’t quite derailed by a damn hot kiss, I cautiously decided on a test.
Rolling her onto her back, I waited for her to react as I took control, but she didn’t seem bothered at all by my weight settling over her. In fact, she hooked her leg around mine to keep me in place while her hands wandered over my body, apparently quite content with our intimate position. I was the one who was taken aback. “You’re okay with this?”
She blushed brightly enough to give Ifrit a run for his flames. “I missed you,” she murmured. “Now that you’re yourself, and I’m back to normal... um….” If possible, she turned even redder.
I blushed, too. Dammit, turning scarlet seemed to be a new habit. “You were holding back before, because I wasn’t myself?”
“I didn’t want you to regret anything,” she whispered.
Admiring the delicate curves of her lips, I considered everything that this amazing woman was offering me – me, the illusionary hero – and again thanked all those indulgent celestial beings. “No regrets – not where you’re concerned,” I answered. “Never.”
Sprinkling her forehead and cheeks with tender kisses, I decided that if Tifa thought my being part of this ‘Project G’ was a good thing, then I should keep an open mind about it - but I was definitely going to be paying this Dr. Lassiter a visit. Not just because he was the source of Tifa’s information, but because he knew my parents.
He knew my dad.
Tifa’s soft sigh brought me back to what I was supposed to be doing, which was showing my appreciation. She felt so damn good in my arms, warm and yielding, making needy little sounds as we kissed, but before we could really get into it, the distinct rumble of heavy aircraft engines made itself heard over the waves and the pounding of our hearts.
“Dammit!” she groaned.
I blinked at her unusually-profane choice of words while identifying the interrupters and assessing the closest cover at the same time. “It’s the Highwind.”
Tifa sounded completely ticked off. “Couldn’t it have taken them a little while longer?”
“You wanted ShinRa to find us?”
“What? Oh, right - Cid and Cait stole the Highwind a few days ago from Junon. We’re using it now instead of the Tiny Bronco.”
Her pout was adorable; I kissed her again before assisting her upright. “Look at it this way – no more camping out.”
“No privacy,” Tifa grumbled, shaking sand out of her hair. While I retrieved my glove, she removed her too-large boots, then found the discarded harness and slung it over her shoulder. Squinting up at the airship, she exclaimed, “They’ve spotted us – there’s Nanaki!” As the ship spun towards us, she slipped her hand into mine and squeezed; her whole-hearted support gave me confidence. A few seconds later, a rope ladder swung down from its main deck with Nanaki’s furry visage peering through the railings. He was quickly joined by Vincent, Barret and Yuffie, the latter two grinning ear-to-ear.
“After you,” I said; once Tifa began her climb, I followed her up. With every rung, my stomach fell further into my boots. I had about twenty feet to compose myself before meeting the rest of the team, but I doubted even ten times that distance would make any difference. Tifa immediately turned around once she gained the deck and gave me an encouraging smile as she helped me over the railing... and into a tumult of welcome. Yuffie hung off my neck, squealing joyfully in my ear and hugging for all she was worth; when she finally let go to pounce on Tifa, Barret scruffed my hair and punched me in the arm like I was his kid brother, while Vincent solemnly shook my hand.
Nanaki pressed up against my legs. “Welcome back, Cloud-san,” he rumbled, his one eye twinkling. “We are glad that you and Tifa-san are safe and sound.”
“Welcome aboard, boss,” Cid called, Cait Sith echoing the greeting from his perch on the pilot’s shoulder.
“Er... I don’t know what to say....” I mumbled, running my hand through my hair for lack of something more decisive. These people had accepted me as their leader, followed my orders, believed in me - but I doubted they would all be as accepting as Tifa when they found out I was a fake.
“How about ‘sorry for worrying all of you half to death’?” Yuffie suggested.
“Cloud-san does not need to apologize for anything,” Nanaki said firmly.
“Yer leakin’ fucking water all over my fucking deck!” Cid bellowed. “Come below! Get outta those wet clothes, an’ we’ll decide what t’ do next.”
“Give these a try.” Dropping a Tranquilizer into my hand, she passed over a glass of water. “They take about ten minutes to kick in.”
“Thanks,” I croaked, then added, “I’m really, really, really sorry for all the times I was an ass to you about this.”
Frowning, Yuffie crouched in front of me. “Stop apologizing. You were an ass only some of the time.” I would’ve protested, but my stomach roiled warningly, so I shut up. Yuffie patted my shoulder, slipped Tifa a bottle of extra Tranquilizers and stood up. “When you’re ready, hit the shower in the Crew’s Quarters to get rid of the sand and salt water; your stuff is in the compartment marked ‘C Watch’. I’ll grab Cloud a spare uniform to wear until his kit dries.” She flashed me a cheeky grin. “Hopefully ‘air force blue’ will improve the colour of your complexion, because you’re kinda green right now!”
Several long minutes later, I finally felt well enough to try standing up; when I wobbled, Tifa was there to keep me upright. “What would I do without you?” I mumbled.
“Fall over?” she teased, guiding me across the landing and down another flight of metal stairs towards a door labelled ‘Crew’s Quarters’. The engines were incredibly noisy and stank of fuel; between my overly-sensitive hearing and my enhanced sense of smell, I was in agony. “In here – watch your step.”
Once the bulkhead door closed behind us, the volume dropped dramatically and the stench became a faint footnote. “I was wondering how the crew could sleep when they’re off-duty with that racket,” I weakly commented, following Tifa down the narrow corridor past two sturdy-looking doors labelled ‘A Watch’ and ‘B Watch’.
“Here we are,” Tifa said, pulling open the third door while checking out three matching panels on the opposite side of the hallway. One was labelled ‘Head’, the second ‘Shower’ and the third ‘Galley’. “I wonder if Cid’s crew includes a cook? We ate only tea and biscuits on the way to Mideel.”
“Probably storage for ration packs; mess-hall cooking isn’t anything like yours,” I observed.
“I’m not fighting Sephiroth fuelled only by dried vegetables and Cid’s tea,” Tifa grumbled. “I’ll look into that later. First things first – this wet wool is rubbing me raw!”
Inside the compartment belonging to ‘C Watch’, I was dismayed and Tifa was enchanted by the sight of neatly-stowed hammocks lining one wall. Great; more things that had an inherent motion, and I was expected to sleep in one?
“Hopefully your pack is still at the clinic,” Tifa said, dropping her harness and boots on the deck. Retrieving her pack, she energetically rummaged through it, then paused. “Hopefully the clinic is still there.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” I asked, starting to sweat.
“We were out on the building’s terrace when a Weapon attacked; the ground disintegrated under our feet and we ended up in the Lifestream.”
Well, shit. If the Buster Sword was gone, what the hell would I use? I had other weapons that we’d picked up here and there, but dammit, Zack’s sword should be the one to defeat Sephiroth. As for the other person who wielded the Buster before him, I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that General Hewley was my cousin. I also preferred not to think about the cosmic issues associated with using his sword to kill his best friend; General Hewley’s close relationship with General Sephiroth was well-known in the ranks.
Why didn’t Mom tell me that General Hewley was my cousin when I was mooning over Sephiroth? That almost answered itself - she probably didn’t want to give me any more fuel for joining the military, because she really wasn’t happy about my decision in the first place.
Yuffie arrived at that moment with a pile of folded sky-blue fabric and a pair of buckled aviator boots. “Leave your wet stuff and I’ll take care of it,” she directed.
“How far did the Lifestream throw us?” Tifa asked.
“The northern tip of the middle island in the Mideel archipelago.”
“Wow. Lucky you found us so quickly.”
The teen propped her fist on her hip. “Whaddya mean, ‘quickly’? It’s been a day and a half since you went for a swim!”
“Shit. We have to move fast!” While Yuffie and I exchanged startled glances over Tifa’s word choice, she added, “Ask everyone to meet in the Operations Room in fifteen minutes – I can’t believe I almost forgot!”
“Forgot what?” the teen asked.
“Tell you then.” When Yuffie withdrew, Tifa collected her things and bustled me across the hall. Inside the shower room, there were two sinks and two separate shower enclosures… and as soon as I saw the latter, my stomach flipped over. Tifa had stashed her armload on a shelf next to one of the enclosures and was unbuckling her belts when she noticed my expression. “What’s wrong?”
“I-I can’t go in one of those,” I rasped, trying not to flatten myself against the wall, or better yet, dive out the door.
A swathe of dark hair slid over her shoulder as she quizzically tilted her head, but not enough to distract me. “Why not?”
“Look at them!” I shrilly protested.
Obediently, Tifa turned to scan the innocent-looking glass doors of the shower enclosures. She rubbed one sock-clad foot against the other while she thought; I bet she was biting her lip, too. “They look like the tubes in the Mansion,” she finally murmured. Pulling open the door of the left-hand shower, she inspected the space inside. “It’ll be a snug fit, but it should work,” she said briskly, then turned and held out her hand. “Come here.”
I edged towards her, holding the uniform against my chest like a shield; Tifa pried the now-damp fabric out of my clammy hands and stashed it on the shelf next to her clothing. She then began removing my harness.
“Wh-what are you doing?” I squeaked.
“I’ll come in with you,” Tifa said matter-of-factly, dropping my pauldron and harness onto the floor as a hint.
“You sure about this?” Even as I said it, my gaze darted to the shower stall, and my throat closed.
Tifa saw my glance as her over-large trousers dropped around her ankles. “Of course.”
Removing my gauntlet, boots and socks, I looked up as the water started running and was treated to a spectacular view of Tifa’s ass as she leaned in to check the temperature and the sweater rode up a few inches. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to completely take my mind off actually going inside the shower and ripples of panic began spreading.
Tifa obviously noted the direction of my thoughts and moved to head them off. “We’ll be quick... and we’ll leave the door open.”
“O-okay.” I dropped trou and closed my eyes; Tifa’s warm hands wrapped around my forearms and, once I kicked free of the wet fabric, led me forward.
“There’s a low sill... lift your foot higher. There.” Her voice went all echo-y for a moment as we eased into the enclosure, and then steam filled my nose as heated liquid struck my chest and ran down my body.
“Is the water too hot?”
“N-no,” I gritted out, digging my nails into my palms, barely resisting the urge to flee, sure that I could feel the liquid rising up my legs.
“Open your eyes,” Tifa urged. “It’s bright and clean, and the water is clear. It’s draining away almost as fast as it falls, and the door is open.”
Her description was undoubtedly supposed to be reassuring, but it wasn’t working. An anguished noise leaked past my clenched teeth, and a moment after that Tifa was wrapped around me. I had a gloriously naked girl using all of her wet curves to press me up against the wall... and I was too busy having a panic attack to enjoy it.
It absolutely sucks to be me. “Are we done?”
“In a minute,” she murmured soothingly. The water stream was directed over my head and I reflexively grabbed onto her for support. “It’s all right,” she crooned, her arm sliding around my waist and holding me close while the water sluiced over us. I tried to relax – I really, really did – but my flight response was getting the better of me.
A moment later, Tifa leaned back to rinse her hair. I had the sense to keep holding on, and managed to crack an eye in time to admire the view – and just as quickly shut it. For some reason, it felt wrong to ogle. When Tifa straightened, I nestled my face into the crook of her neck and breathed, trying to calm my racing heart so that I could actually enjoy what should’ve been a really awesome experience.
It didn’t work, and not only because Tifa still smelled more like a guy than a girl. Maybe that’s why she was throwing around the cuss words? Too much testosterone? “I really need to get out of here,” I whispered, shaking uncontrollably as the sensation of the walls collapsing became overwhelming.
“Be careful not to slip.” The cold air of the outer room billowed in as she moved back and opened the door wider; I slipped out, realizing too late that she was staying when the door clicked shut behind me. Of course, the inside of the glass was now coated in condensation, so peeking was out of the question. Locating a towel, I briskly dried myself off, wincing over the grit still caught in delicate places because I was too much of a wimp to stick it out.
When the shower door finally opened, I kept my back to Tifa. That other guy would’ve had a smirk and a lewd comment at the ready, and probably would’ve gone for a kiss and a grope, but I felt... kinda awkward, to be honest. My mother raised me to be a gentleman – and she would’ve tanned my hide if she knew even half the stunts my other persona had pulled with Tifa.
I had just finished buckling the straps of the aviator boots when Tifa said, “You can turn around now.” She sounded... disappointed? Shit. People’s expectations of my past non-life were going to be a challenge to overcome.
Tifa was wearing snug trousers and a zippered sweater that I hadn’t seen in far too long, plus the girly flats from our date night at the Gold Saucer, and she was putting on her mother’s silver earrings. Flinching as she pushed one of the shafts home, she noticed my concerned look and explained, “The holes in my ears have closed over a little bit.” When she unwound her hair from a towel and started in on it with a brush, I took the opportunity to get closer to her again.
“Let me.”
She handed over the brush with a smile, and I spent the next few minutes doing something that I enjoyed more than I cared to admit – playing with her hair. Letting the dark silk flow through my fingers while I smoothed the thick mass, finding the repetitive motions calming, it occurred to me that maybe that other guy and I had more in common than I thought.
“That feels really good,” Tifa sighed, her shoulders relaxing as I carefully stroked her no-longer-spiky bangs away from her face. Tucking her hair behind her ears, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. She held still, her eyes closed, her face upturned in what appeared to be an invitation, so I hesitantly complied. Her hands slid around my shoulders and up into my hair, keeping me in place while she explained without words that I was welcome to visit for as long as I wanted to stay, or as long as we could hold our breath.
Which turned out to be a fairly long time.
Her eyes were misty when we broke apart. “That feels even better,” she murmured, smiling. I hugged her close as she snuggled into my chest. We probably would’ve stayed like that for quite a while, but someone banged on the door. Tifa only raised her head slightly before calling, “Yes?”
Yuffie stuck her head inside the room. “We’re ready when you are.”
“Be there in two shakes of a Chocobo’s tail.”
The teen snickered and disappeared again; Tifa kissed me and then straightened the collar of my paratrooper-style jumpsuit. “This uniform suits you,” she commented, smoothing her hands over my chest.
“Yet another branch of the military I’ve joined – in my head,” I muttered. Tifa swatted me. “Ow!”
“You upheld the best ideals of SOLDIER,” she growled. “Better than some of the real members, because it isn’t the uniform - it’s what’s inside that counts.” When I looked away, she caught my face between her hands and forced me to look her in the eye. “Believe in yourself... the way I believe in you.”
“I-I’ll try.”
My best friend.
Tifa rose up on tip-toe and kissed my cheek. “It’ll be fine, Cloud. You’ll see.”
The room seemed rather crowded; it appeared that every off-duty member of the Highwind’s crew had shown up to listen to me humiliate myself. It took everything I had to not bolt back to the Crew’s Quarters. Tifa’s grasp on my hand helped, too.
Recalling that Yuffie and Nanaki had been in on my secret – without me being any the wiser – I decided to focus on them as I spoke; Yuffie tipped me a wink and Nanaki nodded when I made eye contact. Tifa stayed at my side and smiled encouragingly when I glanced down, giving me the confidence to say what had to be said.
Squaring my shoulders, I decided to just spit it out. “I’m Cloud Strife, an infantryman with the ShinRa Security Department. I never made SOLDIER – I couldn’t pass the entrance exams. On a mission to Modeoheim during the Genesis Rebellion, one of my officers was a young SOLDIER named Zack Fair. He was everything I wanted to be – confident, skilled, conscientious, courageous, admired – and I was honoured when we became friends.”
“I met Zack in Wutai, after the fall of Fort Tamblin,” Yuffie chimed in. “He was incredibly tolerant of a bratty little kid who liked to practice her ninja skills on him.”
I mustered up a smile; Yuffie told me later it was the sickliest attempt she’d ever seen. “Five years ago, I accompanied Zack and General Sephiroth to my hometown of Nibelheim, to repair the Mount Nibel reactor. I hid my identity, because I had bragged to Tifa before I left that I was gonna be a famous SOLDIER like Sephiroth, and didn’t think a lowly infantryman would be impressive enough.”
“You do like to fuck with yourself, doncha?” Cid grumbled tolerantly.
“Let the laddie talk,” Cait commanded quietly from his seat on the table in front of Barret.
I inclined my head in the cat’s direction. “During the reactor inspection, I had the chance to protect Tifa when a monster got loose. I was hit almost immediately; luckily Zack arrived in the nick of time to save my ass and then Tifa half-carried me down the mountain. If there was anything left of my ego after that, it wasn’t worth mentioning.”
Laughter rippled through the room; I heard a few of the crewmen joking that they wouldn’t mind being rescued by Tifa. “Zack told me that General Sephiroth had been unnerved by the mako-ravaged monsters they found inside the reactor, and then Genesis Rhapsodos showed up out of the blue. Genesis started calling Sephiroth a ‘monster’, and Sephiroth kinda lost it, disappearing for almost a week. Then he put Nibelheim to the torch – murdered my mom and Mr. Lockhart, and nearly killed Tifa, too.” I paused for a few moments, remembering the visceral terror I felt when I saw Tifa’s battered form. “Zack fought Sephiroth first and was badly injured. I went after the asshole and managed to wound him for what he did to my town and the people I loved, but before I could finish him off, he skewered me with his sword and threw himself into the reactor core.”
“So that story ya told us in Kalm...?” Barret trailed off.
“Was a combination of my and Zack’s experiences in Nibelheim,” I admitted.
“What happened to him?” Yuffie whispered, sounding stricken; Nanaki instantly moved to comfort her.
“We were both taken to the ShinRa Mansion and became Hojo’s test subjects, kept in giant tubes full of mako. Just over a year ago, Zack somehow broke us out and hauled my mako-poisoned ass all over the Planet while avoiding capture. ShinRa caught up with us a few months back, a-and....” My voice wavered; Tifa slid her arm around my waist and tucked herself against my side, again lending me the strength to continue. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I said, “He was gunned down, but not before he single-handedly wiped out most of a ShinRa battalion.” Taking another deep breath, I added, “Before he died, he gave me his sword, and entrusted me with his dreams... and his honour.”
“The shock of his death must have been crippling,” Vincent murmured, his crimson eyes sharp.
“M-my mind kinda broke, and I guess I tried to, um, ‘be him’... everything that I thought I wasn’t.”
“Fucking ShinRa took everythin’ that mattered to ya – even yer mind!” Barret snarled, and then his fierce expression softened. “‘Cept fer Tifa.”
I nodded, tightly hugging the girl at my side. “I-I’m sorry, everyone.”
“What for, laddie?” Cait asked gently.
Hanging my head, I mumbled, “For being a fake.” In the following silence, I swear everyone could hear my self-worth – what was left of it – shrivel into nothingness.
Cid cleared his throat. “I ain’t no fucking expert,” he gruffly stated, “but seems t’ me that even in the short time I’ve been wi’ this crew that you’ve more than fucking earned the right to wear that SOLDIER uniform, boss.” There was a murmured chorus of agreement.
Barret was apparently not discomfited in the least that the man who’d taken over defacto command of AVALANCHE lacked credentials. “Ya got a natural ability to lead, Spiky. Be proud o’ that.”
“You also survived the mako and Jenova injections,” Vincent pointed out. “That speaks to your strength of will... and your selfless pursuit of justice speaks to your strength of character.”
I had just started to breathe again when Yuffie cheerfully declared, “You’re completely screwed up, Cloud – but that’s just the way we like you!”
Barret muttered, “Ain’t no difference from before, anyways.”
There was another round of laughter, and as I looked at the grinning, smirking, and smiling faces of my friends, none of whom seemed bothered in the slightest by my confession, I slowly began to relax.
As if she could read my mind, Tifa murmured, “Told you. Actions speak louder than words, and you’ve never hesitated to put yourself in harm’s way to protect any of us.”
“So, what’s next, boss?” Cid’s fingers had twitched towards the cigarettes stashed in his goggle strap, then pulled back; I wondered who had told him he couldn’t smoke in the confined space and mentally thanked them.
“Er... can we go back to Mideel Town?”
“Sure - what for?”
“Zack’s sword... and I need to talk to someone.”
Tifa gave me a final squeeze before letting go; I kept my arm around her shoulders just because. “The good news is that the Planet heard Aerith’s prayer just before she was killed, but the bad news is that Sephiroth’s will is blocking it,” she bluntly stated. “He has to be removed before Holy can do its job and defeat Meteor.”
“An attainable goal, now that Cloud-san is back,” said Nanaki.
“Not so fast. There’s a catch – if Meteor is too close to the Planet when Sephiroth goes down, Holy won’t have time to work.”
“So we might fucking lose the Planet anyways?” Barret asked in the hush.
She nodded. “How many days left until impact?”
“Three or four at the most,” one of the crewmembers piped up.
“Then we’d better get fucking cracking,” Cid declared, giving in and jamming a cigarette between his teeth. “First stop, Mideel Town.”
“Why?”
Tifa fussed with my harness, unnecessarily making sure the ShinRa logo was centred. “Do you remember those Third Class SOLDIERs that were, um, fried by Ifrit?”
“Yeah. I lost it when you went down,” I said defensively.
“One of them was Thane Laurence. I used his dog-tags when I was, er, a guy.”
“And...?” I had an inkling of where this was going, but preferred to wait for the full scope of the disaster.
Hunching her shoulders, Tifa whispered, “He was from Mideel. Julia Darrow – the nurse at the clinic – was his girlfriend.”
My throat went dry. “Shit.”
“There’s a chance that other local boys were also killed in that battle, because a bunch of his friends shipped out together at the same time to enlist.”
Gathering her close, I tried to deal with the emotions swirling around my head. This was the first time we’d been personally confronted with the fact that there were men inside those various ShinRa uniforms, men who had family and friends; it was easier to think of them as faceless opponents standing in our way. Shiva, I did not want to deal with this. The irony that under different circumstances I might’ve been one of those ‘faceless opponents’ trying to kill off AVALANCHE didn’t escape me, either.
“That must’ve been awkward,” I observed, hating how the words were so banal.
Tifa seemed to shrink against my chest. “She doesn’t know yet that she’ll never see him again.”
I couldn’t think of anything that would be even remotely adequate to say, so I just hugged her more tightly, while selfishly thanking the various deities for giving me another chance to hold Tifa. After a little while, she wriggled free of my embrace; I used my fingers to tilt up her chin. Her eyes remained downcast, so I kissed her cheek and murmured, “I’ll be back soon.”
“Ready, ‘Commander’?”
We both turned to see Vincent tricked out like a Second Class SOLDIER, sans helmet. Instead, he wore goggles to conceal his crimson eyes. “When did you sign up?” I asked half-jokingly;
“Junon,” he replied, adjusting the goggles. “We went undercover to rescue ‘Laurence’ and Barret from ShinRa.”
“ShinRa captured you?” My brain instantly began supplying worst-case scenarios.
“When we were escaping from the Northern Crater,” Tifa answered, finding the materia in my gauntlet extremely interesting.
“What happened?” I demanded.
“Long story,” she said sharply before giving my harness a final tweak. “Just... try to be extra polite, okay? The staff were very kind to me, and they looked after you very well.”
“I’m always polite,” I protested, then remembered several instances when my other persona had been less than exemplary with civilians. “Er, yeah. Best behaviour. Absolutely.”
The pretty young woman at the nursing station turned around and her mouth dropped open. “C-Commander Strife?” she asked faintly.
I applied my most charming grin. “Yes.”
“You… you’ve recovered?”
As I nodded an affirmative, the ‘Second Class’ lurking behind me rumbled in his most sepulchral tones, “Time is of the essence. Answer the question, Miss Darrow.”
Her eyes flicked to Vincent and she nervously licked her lips. “He’s in his office.”
Remembering Tifa’s injunction, I asked, “May I speak with him, please?”
With another slightly panicky glance in Vincent’s direction, she came out from behind her desk. “I’ll take you to him.”
“Wait outside, ‘Major’,” I ordered. “Have the Highwind on standby.”
He crisply saluted. “As you wish, ‘Colonel’.” I returned the salute, barely stifling the urge to grin. Vincent had been the one to suggest we assume military ranks, now that there was more than one of us playing at being a SOLDIER.
She looked positively relieved once Vincent swooped out the door; as I fell into step beside her, I assured, “He’s a great guy, once you get to know him.”
“With all due respect, Colonel, he gives me the shivers!” she declared, rubbing her arms. “I’m Julia Darrow, by the way.”
“Pleased to meet you, Miss Darrow.” We turned a corner; I noted the number of cracks running across the floor and up the walls of the corridor. “Is this building safe to be in?”
“Probably not, but this is the only hospital on all of Mideel and our equipment is still working. Was that thing a Weapon? There’s been rumours circulating, but our communication links with the mainland are still down, so we can’t confirm it.”
“Yes. ‘Lieutenant Laurence’ identified it.”
“Um… how is Teo?”
She was so earnestly hopeful that I instantly decided against telling her that ‘Teo’ was dead; it was bad enough that I had killed her man. “He was badly injured and taken to, er, Junon for treatment.”
Her hand flew up to her mouth. “Oh, my!” Then her expression changed, and she pulled a pair of dog-tags that I’d last seen around Tifa’s neck out of her blouse. “Teo cheered me up by giving me these, because he shares the same initial and last name as my boyfriend. Um, he won’t get in trouble, will he?”
“I’ll let it go this time.”
“Th-thank you.” Fingering the tags, she added, “I haven’t heard from Thane in weeks….”
“Saving the Planet is the top priority right now,” I hastily interjected, feeling even more of a hypocrite.
Julia started, but then smiled shyly; she really was adorable, and I felt twice as shitty. “Teo said the same thing. I hope that he has the chance to see his special person again before Meteor strikes.”
“I suspect he already has,” I said before thinking. Luckily, we’d reached Lassiter’s office, and I didn’t have to explain myself. Her hand was on the knob, but I stopped her. “I’ll announce myself. Thank you, Miss Darrow.”
“You’re welcome, Colonel.” Her smile became wistful. “Thane badly wanted to make First Class; he would’ve been thrilled to meet you.”
I managed to smile back in what I hoped was a convincing manner. “I’m honoured. Er, is my sword still here?”
“Oh, yes – both it and your personal effects survived. I’ll have them brought to the front desk.” Smiling again, she tripped off in the direction we’d come.
Squaring up to the panel, I took a deep breath and swung the door open, stepping directly into the office without a knock. An older, sandy-haired man wearing a lab coat looked up from a sheaf of reports; his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, mirroring Julia Darrow’s initial reaction as I began, “I’m....”
“I know who you are,” he hoarsely interrupted. “And not just because you’re the spitting image of your mother. How on the Planet have you managed to shake off the mako poisoning so quickly?”
“Another bath in the Lifestream.” Snagging the chair in front of Lassiter’s desk, I spun it around, straddled it and fixed him with a steady look. “I want to know about my parents… and Project G.”
Sizing me up, he reached into his desk drawer and extracted a bottle of liquor plus a couple of glasses. “As I told your Mr. Laurence, the story of Project G is a long one, and told best with a drink. Where is that young man, by the way?”
“Possibly dead by now of his injuries,” I curtly replied, conceding that Tifa’s idea to kill off her alter ego was probably the better one. “Don’t tell Miss Darrow.”
“How unfortunate.” Pouring both of us generous measures of the alcohol, he raised his glass and solemnly intoned, “To Teo Laurence – a good SOLDIER, but a finer man.” We drank to Teo’s false memory, me trying not to choke on the irony. “Would you prefer to start with Project G – or Liza and Lowell?”
Steeling myself, I replied, “Mom and Dad, please.”
He smiled with genuine pleasure. Setting aside his glass, he folded his hands behind his head, leaned back in his chair, and began, “I met your father when we were first year bio-engineering students….”
“The deck is too hard, and we need some sleep before we reach Rocket Town,” Tifa briskly replied, clipping the hammock’s ring to the opposite wall. Yuffie was already conked out in the one next to ours, and Barret was sawing logs in the hammock beside hers.
“Nanaki is sleeping on the deck,” I pointed out.
“On top of several packed parachute containers that aren’t exactly ideal for the purpose.”
“Sounds fine to me….”
“Please, Cloud?”
Like I could say ‘no’ to that pleading expression. “I’ve had more to drink than I should, and I’m not sure the Tranquilizers are working,” I protested weakly, but I was already unzipping my boots. “I’m not taking off my trousers, though. With my luck, I’ll get dumped out of that thing in the middle of the night in my underwear.”
Snorting with muffled laughter, she watched me undress; she was already in her pyjamas, her hair braided and tied with a ratty blue silk ribbon. “I’ll hold it steady for you. Sit down in it and then swing your legs inside.”
“Easy for you to say,” I grumbled, but did as I was told. The canvas shifted and wobbled, despite Tifa’s grip, and a wave of nausea swept through me. “Uhhh, I don’t know about this….”
“Scoot up,” she urged, and the slight elevation seemed to help. Draping a blanket over me, Tifa squeezed into our swaying nest. After a few gymnastics, she managed to arrange herself to her satisfaction, while I held perfectly still and hoped that everything would stop moving soon. Tifa nestled close and lightly nuzzled my cheek; we shared a long, tender kiss before she tucked herself under my chin, her head over my heart, and sighed deeply.
The hammock’s side-to-side motion gradually slowed until it was barely perceptible, and I managed to relax. Tifa’s scent was part of the reason; she smelled more like herself with every passing hour, and her gentle fragrance worked even better than a Tranquilizer to calm me down. Having her in my arms helped, too. When I’d climbed over the Highwind’s railing after my conversation with Lassiter, my head spinning with all the information, Tifa’s sweet face was the first thing I saw – and I realized that nothing really mattered except her unwavering belief in me.
My anchor, my strength, my friend... my Tifa.
Judging by the pliant way her body was now fitting against mine and her deepened breathing, she was either asleep or close to it. Reeling in her braid, I untied the ribbon; after carefully looping the length of silk around her wrist, I set about freeing her hair, amusing myself by imagining the soft length spilling over the side of the hammock like a dark waterfall. She murmured and shifted against me; I cuddled her close and didn’t think about anything too complicated. A funny story that Lassiter had told about my mom, my dad and a bridal shower gone awry popped into my head, but it would have to wait.
Someday, if the gods were kind, Tifa and I would have our own stories to tell.
But first, we had a Planet to save.
A/N: Cheerfully twisting aspects of Crisis Core’s story to better fit with my ebil plans.
The SOLDIER ranks chosen for the team were based on Imperial Japanese Army rankings.
Warnings: Nudity, coarse language, dialogue reassignment, violence, canon and Item abuse.
Bouquets to my wonderful betas, Kitsune13/TamLin and Ranuel.
Learning Curve Continuum
Chapter Eighteen: Confessions
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
I woke up to liquid pattering my face, and for a very bad moment, thought I was back on that bluff overlooking Midgar. However, my mind was surprisingly clear; I had to think about that for a while. For the first time in months – no, years – there was only blessed silence.
Was I finally alone in my head?
Shiva, I hoped so.
Eventually, a dull, rhythmic roar made itself heard over my inner contemplation. I listened to the soothing sound for a while, but it wasn’t until a salty droplet landed on my lips that I realized where I was. Propping myself up on my elbows, I looked around. Gleaming wet sand and glistening black rocks framed a view of frothing peach-coloured surf, and beyond, restless, shifting orange sea.
Wait… what?
Pushing myself up to sitting, I looked around and instantly saw the source of the strange colouration – a huge, black object hanging menacingly in the western sky, surrounded by a fiery sunset-hued corona.
Meteor.
The symbol of my ultimate failure.
I watched the pale-rimmed tide run under the soles of my boots for a while, and was in the act of unzipping one to dump the water out of it when I belatedly realized that I was missing someone. Leaping to my feet, I nearly fell over myself when the world tilted and I had to grab onto a stony outcropping for balance.
“Tifa? Tifa!”
There was no reply except the muted thunder of the waves.
Stumbling between the spray-drenched rocks, I frantically searched for the woman who had followed me to the edge of death. Making desperate promises to every god and goddess I could think of as I scrambled over boulders and splashed through tidal pools, I finally spotted her floating face-down in the shallows fifty feet away.
Dear gods, not Tifa, not Tifa, not Tifa, pleasepleaseplease...!
As I charged across the beach, I noticed small details with startling clarity. Her long hair resembled dark seaweed, twining with the ivory foam clinging to her sweater and trailing across her pale arms. Both of her gloves were missing and her harness hung off her shoulders. The dragging pauldrons were probably the reason why she hadn’t washed up higher on the beach. Sloshing into the water, I caught hold of her arms and dragged her limp body further up onto the sand, then turned her over.
Tifa’s long eyelashes fanned wetly across her cheeks; her lips were parted as if she breathed, but her chest was still. Tearing off my glove, I pressed my fingers to her throat and nearly felt ill with relief when her pulse fluttered weakly. Tipping her head back, I pinched Tifa’s nose and tried breathing for her – that medic training during boot camp finally came in handy – but her mouth was full of water. Propping her onto her side, I gently pressed on her abdomen, causing a flood of shimmering green liquid to pour out of her lips. Spotting the materia winking in her Bangle and barely waiting for it to equip, I cast Cure repeatedly until Tifa started coughing, violently expelling more of the Lifestream-saturated water. While she shuddered, I rubbed her back and thanked all those celestial beings for giving her back to me.
Sweet Shiva, she was alive. Nothing else mattered.
I noted a number of small ‘dirtballs’ decorating the sand after her coughing jag and really hoped that the Lifestream had flushed out the last vestiges of Sector Seven from her lungs, assuming Barret was right about their source. Tifa finally quieted, her breathing harsh; I cast Cure again, then started pulling wayward strands of hair away from her face. She rolled onto her back and slowly opened her beautiful eyes. My heart promptly lodged in my throat.
What if she despised me, now that she knew the truth?
“Cloud,” she whispered, smiling. “Are you... all right?”
I nodded stiffly, wanting to kiss her very badly, but not sure if she wanted that. Hell, I wasn’t sure if she wanted me.
Tifa disproved that fear by wobbling upright, freeing her arms from the too-loose harness straps and crawling into my lap. Sliding her arms around me, she nestled close and sighed, “I’m so glad.”
Slowly wrapping my arms around her, my heart thumping irregularly, I exhaled and cautiously gathered her closer; Tifa hugged me tightly while making soft little humming noises that I dared interpret as happiness. I told the rest of my fears to take a hike for a while and just concentrated on holding and being held by her because we were both damn lucky to have made it out alive, considering everything that had happened. My eyes prickled; I hid my face in her wet hair and curled around her, not wanting to let her go, ever.
Tifa appeared to feel the same way, judging by the fierceness of her embrace, but I was suddenly struck by her fragility. She can kick the shit out of a beast the size of a two-story building, but this had nothing to do with her physical strength. Her slender body, its every breath reminding me how easily her life could be ended – all of her was so vulnerable.
Could I keep her safe? Could I keep my promise?
Tifa derailed my panic by stroking her fingertips across my cheek, her thumb brushing over my lips. I loosened my desperate grip just enough to peer down at her, saw her soft smile... and her dampened cheeks that had nothing to do with seawater. “I was so afraid that I’d lost you,” she whispered tremulously, and then her eyelashes fluttered closed as she gently tugged me down for a kiss that was both strange and wonderful at the same time.
Strange because it was as tentative and hopeful as a First Kiss – which in a way, it kinda was. It was the first time I had kissed her as myself, not as... that cocky SOLDIER I was trying to be, and I suddenly felt as nervous as a teenager. Then her tongue sweetly requested entrance to my mouth, and the kiss became considerably less innocent and a whole lot hotter. Tangling great handfuls of her hair, I held her snugly against my body. Tifa made eager little sounds, pressing closer with equal enthusiasm, shivering when I explored her mouth. I was trembling, too, overwhelmed completely by the intense sensations of heat and wet, as well as her apparent acceptance.
Then we lost our balance and fell over backwards onto the sand; Tifa started giggling and pushed up. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes sparkling, and she was so beautiful that my breath caught. I pulled her back down and kissed her again; she squirmed in a very distracting manner and I quickly rolled us onto our sides... right on top of one of her discarded pauldrons. Of course, it was pointy-edges up.
“Ow! Help me with this thing?”
I unbuckled the broad belt with its ShinRa logo from around her slim waist; Tifa no sooner freed herself of the harness than she pitched it. It clanged off the rocks somewhere over our heads, but we were too busy kissing to worry about where it landed. Well, Tifa was too busy; my damn brain wouldn’t shut off.
Despite all the very obvious indications, I had to know for sure what she was thinking. Breaking a kiss that left both of us gasping, I tried to compose myself while smoothing her hair away from her face. “Do you, um… what do you, er… I lied to you,” I blurted out. My ears felt like they were going to burst into flame. “I-I’m not who I said I was.”
Tifa blinked in confusion. “You didn’t officially make SOLDIER –so what?”
“Y-you’re not mad?”
She huffed a little, then softly kissed me on the lips. “I knew right from the beginning, at the train station, that something was off; that’s why I asked Barret to hire you – so I could keep an eye on you.”
“It was that obvious?”
“You knew things you shouldn’t, but didn’t remember things you should.” Tifa kissed me again and this time I responded; the caress went on long enough that she almost lost her train of thought. Almost. “It was Aerith who figured out that you were one of the troopers with Zack and Sephiroth. When we investigated the Mansion’s basement, we found the laboratory where you’d been held – and paperwork describing some of the things they’d done to both of you.”
“So all of you knew? Damn.” My stomach knotted; how was I going to face them?
“Not everyone. Just me, Aerith, Nanaki and Yuffie,” she soothed. “If anything, I’m mad at myself for not having the nerve to tell you what we knew earlier. Maybe I could’ve spared you some of the pain.”
“At risk of your life,” I replied. “Sephiroth hates me; I’m really surprised that he didn’t try to make me kill you in that illusion, because that would’ve completely finished me off.”
“You’re the only one who ever defeated him,” Tifa said proudly.
“I was furious… he’d taken away everything that mattered to me and seemed to think he was justified. Asshole. I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face so bad….”
Tifa abruptly sat up and started twisting her fingers together. “I need to tell you something, Cloud.”
Pushing myself upright, I covered her restless hands with mine and carefully watched her face. Shit, it looked serious. I’d rather kiss her some more, but instead I said, “Go ahead.”
“Last night, Dr. Lassiter told me the story of Project G….”
“Who?”
“He treated you at the ShinRa clinic in Mideel Town after the Lifestream spat you back out.”
“Okay… what the hell’s Project G?”
Tifa was clearly both excited and nervous about what she was going to say. “Cloud, there’s a very good reason why you’re the only one who can take down Sephiroth.”
“And that is?”
She bit her lip. “Your father was a scientist with Project G, and your mom agreed to take part in the same experiment as your Aunt Gillian….”
“Auntie Gilly? What does she have to do with anything?” I demanded roughly, the word ‘experiment’ completely freaking me out.
Flustered, Tifa said, “Do you remember Genesis Rhapsodos and Angeal Hewley?”
“The two bigwigs in SOLDIER, along with Sephiroth?”
“Yes. They’re your cousins.” She nervously tittered at the expression on my face.
I pinched the bridge of my nose in an effort to calm myself. “Okay. Tell me the whole story… but take it slow, all right?”
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
“So I really am a monster,” I mumbled several minutes later.
Tifa slumped, then proceeded to lightly bang her head on my chest. “You haven’t listened to anything I’ve said,” she complained.
“When you find out that you were created as an experiment, that kinda blocks out everything else.”
“Only a tiny part of your DNA came from elsewhere, Cloud; your mom and dad’s love supplied all the rest. You weren’t an experiment or a monster to them… and you’re not to me, either, or the rest of our friends.” I still couldn’t look her in the eye; she crumpled a little more, hiding behind her loose hair. “I wish I hadn’t told you,” she said mournfully.
“Why did you?”
“I promised myself that there wouldn’t be any more secrets, that if I knew something that could affect you, I’d tell you. Because I wanted you to see that you’re better than Sephiroth can ever hope to be – and that, more than any amount of alien cells, is the reason why you’ll win.”
“Better? How?”
She lifted her chin. “You’re fighting for all of us, for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do. I believe in you, Cloud – now, more than ever. Zack was right; you can take him.”
I really didn’t want to deal with what Tifa had told me, so I changed the subject. “After he busted us out of the lab, Zack looked after me like family – never complained, not once,” I said quietly, staring out at the waves. Hunching my shoulders, I continued, “He fed me, bathed me, wiped my ass, and held me in his arms while he slept. I was a constant drain on his energy and a danger to his safety. It would’ve made far more sense for him to abandon me and escape on his own.”
Tifa cupped my face between her palms. “You were his friend and his comrade – his personal sense of honour would never have allowed him to leave you behind.”
I closed my eyes. “He died because of me. So did Aerith.”
“While you were unconscious in the Lifestream, he and Aerith came for us,” she said.
My jaw dropped. “Wh-what? Y-you saw them?”
Her smile was soft. “How do you think I changed back?”
“I, er... oh. Really?”
“Zack wanted you to know that he doesn’t blame you - not at all. He’s glad you survived, and....” She trailed off, blushing again, her hands dropping to my chest.
“And... what?” I asked, fearing another bombshell.
Tifa’s fingertips twisted into the sodden knit of my sweater, releasing distracting tickles of water down my stomach. “That you and I... um, that we’re together.”
That wasn’t what I was expecting, but I needed time to think, so I slowly tipped forward until my forehead was resting on her shoulder. Her hands came up, one slipping around the nape of my neck, the other gently sifting through my damp hair.
“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?” she whispered. “You’ve been through so much… but you’re not alone, Cloud. We’re with you – I’m with you, every step of the way.”
I still couldn’t believe that Tifa wanted to be with me. “Are you sure?” I whispered, watching her out of the corner of my eye.
“I promised to stay by your side,” she replied, flushing a lovely shade of rose. “And I meant it - for as long as you want me to be there.”
My heart clenched as my dream girl shyly offered me everything I’d ever wanted. Around the huge lump in my throat, I somehow managed to rasp, “How does ‘forever’ sound?”
Despite being one of the corniest lines in the universe, Tifa didn’t seem to mind; her warm smile loosened the tightness that had crept into my chest. “How soon can we start?” she huskily whispered.
“Gotta stop Sephiroth first.”
“That can wait for a few more minutes,” Tifa murmured, and then she kissed me – softly, wetly, deeply – and I lost myself again in her sweet welcome.
I didn’t deserve her, but I was damn well going to try.
Several very intense moments later, Tifa took us back down onto the sand, not breaking the contact between our lips. She was moulding herself against me in a completely sensual way; it occurred to me that she was being much more forward than she’d ever been before, and I couldn’t help wondering why she suddenly felt brave. After a bit more reflection that wasn’t quite derailed by a damn hot kiss, I cautiously decided on a test.
Rolling her onto her back, I waited for her to react as I took control, but she didn’t seem bothered at all by my weight settling over her. In fact, she hooked her leg around mine to keep me in place while her hands wandered over my body, apparently quite content with our intimate position. I was the one who was taken aback. “You’re okay with this?”
She blushed brightly enough to give Ifrit a run for his flames. “I missed you,” she murmured. “Now that you’re yourself, and I’m back to normal... um….” If possible, she turned even redder.
I blushed, too. Dammit, turning scarlet seemed to be a new habit. “You were holding back before, because I wasn’t myself?”
“I didn’t want you to regret anything,” she whispered.
Admiring the delicate curves of her lips, I considered everything that this amazing woman was offering me – me, the illusionary hero – and again thanked all those indulgent celestial beings. “No regrets – not where you’re concerned,” I answered. “Never.”
Sprinkling her forehead and cheeks with tender kisses, I decided that if Tifa thought my being part of this ‘Project G’ was a good thing, then I should keep an open mind about it - but I was definitely going to be paying this Dr. Lassiter a visit. Not just because he was the source of Tifa’s information, but because he knew my parents.
He knew my dad.
Tifa’s soft sigh brought me back to what I was supposed to be doing, which was showing my appreciation. She felt so damn good in my arms, warm and yielding, making needy little sounds as we kissed, but before we could really get into it, the distinct rumble of heavy aircraft engines made itself heard over the waves and the pounding of our hearts.
“Dammit!” she groaned.
I blinked at her unusually-profane choice of words while identifying the interrupters and assessing the closest cover at the same time. “It’s the Highwind.”
Tifa sounded completely ticked off. “Couldn’t it have taken them a little while longer?”
“You wanted ShinRa to find us?”
“What? Oh, right - Cid and Cait stole the Highwind a few days ago from Junon. We’re using it now instead of the Tiny Bronco.”
Her pout was adorable; I kissed her again before assisting her upright. “Look at it this way – no more camping out.”
“No privacy,” Tifa grumbled, shaking sand out of her hair. While I retrieved my glove, she removed her too-large boots, then found the discarded harness and slung it over her shoulder. Squinting up at the airship, she exclaimed, “They’ve spotted us – there’s Nanaki!” As the ship spun towards us, she slipped her hand into mine and squeezed; her whole-hearted support gave me confidence. A few seconds later, a rope ladder swung down from its main deck with Nanaki’s furry visage peering through the railings. He was quickly joined by Vincent, Barret and Yuffie, the latter two grinning ear-to-ear.
“After you,” I said; once Tifa began her climb, I followed her up. With every rung, my stomach fell further into my boots. I had about twenty feet to compose myself before meeting the rest of the team, but I doubted even ten times that distance would make any difference. Tifa immediately turned around once she gained the deck and gave me an encouraging smile as she helped me over the railing... and into a tumult of welcome. Yuffie hung off my neck, squealing joyfully in my ear and hugging for all she was worth; when she finally let go to pounce on Tifa, Barret scruffed my hair and punched me in the arm like I was his kid brother, while Vincent solemnly shook my hand.
Nanaki pressed up against my legs. “Welcome back, Cloud-san,” he rumbled, his one eye twinkling. “We are glad that you and Tifa-san are safe and sound.”
“Welcome aboard, boss,” Cid called, Cait Sith echoing the greeting from his perch on the pilot’s shoulder.
“Er... I don’t know what to say....” I mumbled, running my hand through my hair for lack of something more decisive. These people had accepted me as their leader, followed my orders, believed in me - but I doubted they would all be as accepting as Tifa when they found out I was a fake.
“How about ‘sorry for worrying all of you half to death’?” Yuffie suggested.
“Cloud-san does not need to apologize for anything,” Nanaki said firmly.
“Yer leakin’ fucking water all over my fucking deck!” Cid bellowed. “Come below! Get outta those wet clothes, an’ we’ll decide what t’ do next.”
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
The first bit of unpleasantness that I experienced had nothing to do with my friends. The motion sickness that had plagued me right from the first time I ever travelled in a military transport was back, and with a vengeance. I’d barely reached the bottom of the gangway when the forward surge of the ship, coupled with the oily reek from the open engine compartment on the deck below, hit me like a Blade Beam and the walls started closing in. One of the crewmen swung over a fire bucket in the nick of time; nothing came up, but that didn’t stop my stomach from trying to turn itself inside out. I huddled against the bulkhead, my head in the bucket, feeling less than an inch tall. Tifa knelt and tucked herself around me, but then Yuffie saved the day.“Give these a try.” Dropping a Tranquilizer into my hand, she passed over a glass of water. “They take about ten minutes to kick in.”
“Thanks,” I croaked, then added, “I’m really, really, really sorry for all the times I was an ass to you about this.”
Frowning, Yuffie crouched in front of me. “Stop apologizing. You were an ass only some of the time.” I would’ve protested, but my stomach roiled warningly, so I shut up. Yuffie patted my shoulder, slipped Tifa a bottle of extra Tranquilizers and stood up. “When you’re ready, hit the shower in the Crew’s Quarters to get rid of the sand and salt water; your stuff is in the compartment marked ‘C Watch’. I’ll grab Cloud a spare uniform to wear until his kit dries.” She flashed me a cheeky grin. “Hopefully ‘air force blue’ will improve the colour of your complexion, because you’re kinda green right now!”
Several long minutes later, I finally felt well enough to try standing up; when I wobbled, Tifa was there to keep me upright. “What would I do without you?” I mumbled.
“Fall over?” she teased, guiding me across the landing and down another flight of metal stairs towards a door labelled ‘Crew’s Quarters’. The engines were incredibly noisy and stank of fuel; between my overly-sensitive hearing and my enhanced sense of smell, I was in agony. “In here – watch your step.”
Once the bulkhead door closed behind us, the volume dropped dramatically and the stench became a faint footnote. “I was wondering how the crew could sleep when they’re off-duty with that racket,” I weakly commented, following Tifa down the narrow corridor past two sturdy-looking doors labelled ‘A Watch’ and ‘B Watch’.
“Here we are,” Tifa said, pulling open the third door while checking out three matching panels on the opposite side of the hallway. One was labelled ‘Head’, the second ‘Shower’ and the third ‘Galley’. “I wonder if Cid’s crew includes a cook? We ate only tea and biscuits on the way to Mideel.”
“Probably storage for ration packs; mess-hall cooking isn’t anything like yours,” I observed.
“I’m not fighting Sephiroth fuelled only by dried vegetables and Cid’s tea,” Tifa grumbled. “I’ll look into that later. First things first – this wet wool is rubbing me raw!”
Inside the compartment belonging to ‘C Watch’, I was dismayed and Tifa was enchanted by the sight of neatly-stowed hammocks lining one wall. Great; more things that had an inherent motion, and I was expected to sleep in one?
“Hopefully your pack is still at the clinic,” Tifa said, dropping her harness and boots on the deck. Retrieving her pack, she energetically rummaged through it, then paused. “Hopefully the clinic is still there.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” I asked, starting to sweat.
“We were out on the building’s terrace when a Weapon attacked; the ground disintegrated under our feet and we ended up in the Lifestream.”
Well, shit. If the Buster Sword was gone, what the hell would I use? I had other weapons that we’d picked up here and there, but dammit, Zack’s sword should be the one to defeat Sephiroth. As for the other person who wielded the Buster before him, I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that General Hewley was my cousin. I also preferred not to think about the cosmic issues associated with using his sword to kill his best friend; General Hewley’s close relationship with General Sephiroth was well-known in the ranks.
Why didn’t Mom tell me that General Hewley was my cousin when I was mooning over Sephiroth? That almost answered itself - she probably didn’t want to give me any more fuel for joining the military, because she really wasn’t happy about my decision in the first place.
Yuffie arrived at that moment with a pile of folded sky-blue fabric and a pair of buckled aviator boots. “Leave your wet stuff and I’ll take care of it,” she directed.
“How far did the Lifestream throw us?” Tifa asked.
“The northern tip of the middle island in the Mideel archipelago.”
“Wow. Lucky you found us so quickly.”
The teen propped her fist on her hip. “Whaddya mean, ‘quickly’? It’s been a day and a half since you went for a swim!”
“Shit. We have to move fast!” While Yuffie and I exchanged startled glances over Tifa’s word choice, she added, “Ask everyone to meet in the Operations Room in fifteen minutes – I can’t believe I almost forgot!”
“Forgot what?” the teen asked.
“Tell you then.” When Yuffie withdrew, Tifa collected her things and bustled me across the hall. Inside the shower room, there were two sinks and two separate shower enclosures… and as soon as I saw the latter, my stomach flipped over. Tifa had stashed her armload on a shelf next to one of the enclosures and was unbuckling her belts when she noticed my expression. “What’s wrong?”
“I-I can’t go in one of those,” I rasped, trying not to flatten myself against the wall, or better yet, dive out the door.
A swathe of dark hair slid over her shoulder as she quizzically tilted her head, but not enough to distract me. “Why not?”
“Look at them!” I shrilly protested.
Obediently, Tifa turned to scan the innocent-looking glass doors of the shower enclosures. She rubbed one sock-clad foot against the other while she thought; I bet she was biting her lip, too. “They look like the tubes in the Mansion,” she finally murmured. Pulling open the door of the left-hand shower, she inspected the space inside. “It’ll be a snug fit, but it should work,” she said briskly, then turned and held out her hand. “Come here.”
I edged towards her, holding the uniform against my chest like a shield; Tifa pried the now-damp fabric out of my clammy hands and stashed it on the shelf next to her clothing. She then began removing my harness.
“Wh-what are you doing?” I squeaked.
“I’ll come in with you,” Tifa said matter-of-factly, dropping my pauldron and harness onto the floor as a hint.
“You sure about this?” Even as I said it, my gaze darted to the shower stall, and my throat closed.
Tifa saw my glance as her over-large trousers dropped around her ankles. “Of course.”
Removing my gauntlet, boots and socks, I looked up as the water started running and was treated to a spectacular view of Tifa’s ass as she leaned in to check the temperature and the sweater rode up a few inches. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to completely take my mind off actually going inside the shower and ripples of panic began spreading.
Tifa obviously noted the direction of my thoughts and moved to head them off. “We’ll be quick... and we’ll leave the door open.”
“O-okay.” I dropped trou and closed my eyes; Tifa’s warm hands wrapped around my forearms and, once I kicked free of the wet fabric, led me forward.
“There’s a low sill... lift your foot higher. There.” Her voice went all echo-y for a moment as we eased into the enclosure, and then steam filled my nose as heated liquid struck my chest and ran down my body.
“Is the water too hot?”
“N-no,” I gritted out, digging my nails into my palms, barely resisting the urge to flee, sure that I could feel the liquid rising up my legs.
“Open your eyes,” Tifa urged. “It’s bright and clean, and the water is clear. It’s draining away almost as fast as it falls, and the door is open.”
Her description was undoubtedly supposed to be reassuring, but it wasn’t working. An anguished noise leaked past my clenched teeth, and a moment after that Tifa was wrapped around me. I had a gloriously naked girl using all of her wet curves to press me up against the wall... and I was too busy having a panic attack to enjoy it.
It absolutely sucks to be me. “Are we done?”
“In a minute,” she murmured soothingly. The water stream was directed over my head and I reflexively grabbed onto her for support. “It’s all right,” she crooned, her arm sliding around my waist and holding me close while the water sluiced over us. I tried to relax – I really, really did – but my flight response was getting the better of me.
A moment later, Tifa leaned back to rinse her hair. I had the sense to keep holding on, and managed to crack an eye in time to admire the view – and just as quickly shut it. For some reason, it felt wrong to ogle. When Tifa straightened, I nestled my face into the crook of her neck and breathed, trying to calm my racing heart so that I could actually enjoy what should’ve been a really awesome experience.
It didn’t work, and not only because Tifa still smelled more like a guy than a girl. Maybe that’s why she was throwing around the cuss words? Too much testosterone? “I really need to get out of here,” I whispered, shaking uncontrollably as the sensation of the walls collapsing became overwhelming.
“Be careful not to slip.” The cold air of the outer room billowed in as she moved back and opened the door wider; I slipped out, realizing too late that she was staying when the door clicked shut behind me. Of course, the inside of the glass was now coated in condensation, so peeking was out of the question. Locating a towel, I briskly dried myself off, wincing over the grit still caught in delicate places because I was too much of a wimp to stick it out.
When the shower door finally opened, I kept my back to Tifa. That other guy would’ve had a smirk and a lewd comment at the ready, and probably would’ve gone for a kiss and a grope, but I felt... kinda awkward, to be honest. My mother raised me to be a gentleman – and she would’ve tanned my hide if she knew even half the stunts my other persona had pulled with Tifa.
I had just finished buckling the straps of the aviator boots when Tifa said, “You can turn around now.” She sounded... disappointed? Shit. People’s expectations of my past non-life were going to be a challenge to overcome.
Tifa was wearing snug trousers and a zippered sweater that I hadn’t seen in far too long, plus the girly flats from our date night at the Gold Saucer, and she was putting on her mother’s silver earrings. Flinching as she pushed one of the shafts home, she noticed my concerned look and explained, “The holes in my ears have closed over a little bit.” When she unwound her hair from a towel and started in on it with a brush, I took the opportunity to get closer to her again.
“Let me.”
She handed over the brush with a smile, and I spent the next few minutes doing something that I enjoyed more than I cared to admit – playing with her hair. Letting the dark silk flow through my fingers while I smoothed the thick mass, finding the repetitive motions calming, it occurred to me that maybe that other guy and I had more in common than I thought.
“That feels really good,” Tifa sighed, her shoulders relaxing as I carefully stroked her no-longer-spiky bangs away from her face. Tucking her hair behind her ears, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. She held still, her eyes closed, her face upturned in what appeared to be an invitation, so I hesitantly complied. Her hands slid around my shoulders and up into my hair, keeping me in place while she explained without words that I was welcome to visit for as long as I wanted to stay, or as long as we could hold our breath.
Which turned out to be a fairly long time.
Her eyes were misty when we broke apart. “That feels even better,” she murmured, smiling. I hugged her close as she snuggled into my chest. We probably would’ve stayed like that for quite a while, but someone banged on the door. Tifa only raised her head slightly before calling, “Yes?”
Yuffie stuck her head inside the room. “We’re ready when you are.”
“Be there in two shakes of a Chocobo’s tail.”
The teen snickered and disappeared again; Tifa kissed me and then straightened the collar of my paratrooper-style jumpsuit. “This uniform suits you,” she commented, smoothing her hands over my chest.
“Yet another branch of the military I’ve joined – in my head,” I muttered. Tifa swatted me. “Ow!”
“You upheld the best ideals of SOLDIER,” she growled. “Better than some of the real members, because it isn’t the uniform - it’s what’s inside that counts.” When I looked away, she caught my face between her hands and forced me to look her in the eye. “Believe in yourself... the way I believe in you.”
“I-I’ll try.”
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
Five minutes later, we were outside the Operations Room, and panic was making my stomach twist; I had the irrational desire for a sword. Wiping my sweaty palms on my trousers, I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Warm fingers laced with mine, and I squeezed tightly. My anchor. My strength.My best friend.
Tifa rose up on tip-toe and kissed my cheek. “It’ll be fine, Cloud. You’ll see.”
The room seemed rather crowded; it appeared that every off-duty member of the Highwind’s crew had shown up to listen to me humiliate myself. It took everything I had to not bolt back to the Crew’s Quarters. Tifa’s grasp on my hand helped, too.
Recalling that Yuffie and Nanaki had been in on my secret – without me being any the wiser – I decided to focus on them as I spoke; Yuffie tipped me a wink and Nanaki nodded when I made eye contact. Tifa stayed at my side and smiled encouragingly when I glanced down, giving me the confidence to say what had to be said.
Squaring my shoulders, I decided to just spit it out. “I’m Cloud Strife, an infantryman with the ShinRa Security Department. I never made SOLDIER – I couldn’t pass the entrance exams. On a mission to Modeoheim during the Genesis Rebellion, one of my officers was a young SOLDIER named Zack Fair. He was everything I wanted to be – confident, skilled, conscientious, courageous, admired – and I was honoured when we became friends.”
“I met Zack in Wutai, after the fall of Fort Tamblin,” Yuffie chimed in. “He was incredibly tolerant of a bratty little kid who liked to practice her ninja skills on him.”
I mustered up a smile; Yuffie told me later it was the sickliest attempt she’d ever seen. “Five years ago, I accompanied Zack and General Sephiroth to my hometown of Nibelheim, to repair the Mount Nibel reactor. I hid my identity, because I had bragged to Tifa before I left that I was gonna be a famous SOLDIER like Sephiroth, and didn’t think a lowly infantryman would be impressive enough.”
“You do like to fuck with yourself, doncha?” Cid grumbled tolerantly.
“Let the laddie talk,” Cait commanded quietly from his seat on the table in front of Barret.
I inclined my head in the cat’s direction. “During the reactor inspection, I had the chance to protect Tifa when a monster got loose. I was hit almost immediately; luckily Zack arrived in the nick of time to save my ass and then Tifa half-carried me down the mountain. If there was anything left of my ego after that, it wasn’t worth mentioning.”
Laughter rippled through the room; I heard a few of the crewmen joking that they wouldn’t mind being rescued by Tifa. “Zack told me that General Sephiroth had been unnerved by the mako-ravaged monsters they found inside the reactor, and then Genesis Rhapsodos showed up out of the blue. Genesis started calling Sephiroth a ‘monster’, and Sephiroth kinda lost it, disappearing for almost a week. Then he put Nibelheim to the torch – murdered my mom and Mr. Lockhart, and nearly killed Tifa, too.” I paused for a few moments, remembering the visceral terror I felt when I saw Tifa’s battered form. “Zack fought Sephiroth first and was badly injured. I went after the asshole and managed to wound him for what he did to my town and the people I loved, but before I could finish him off, he skewered me with his sword and threw himself into the reactor core.”
“So that story ya told us in Kalm...?” Barret trailed off.
“Was a combination of my and Zack’s experiences in Nibelheim,” I admitted.
“What happened to him?” Yuffie whispered, sounding stricken; Nanaki instantly moved to comfort her.
“We were both taken to the ShinRa Mansion and became Hojo’s test subjects, kept in giant tubes full of mako. Just over a year ago, Zack somehow broke us out and hauled my mako-poisoned ass all over the Planet while avoiding capture. ShinRa caught up with us a few months back, a-and....” My voice wavered; Tifa slid her arm around my waist and tucked herself against my side, again lending me the strength to continue. Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I said, “He was gunned down, but not before he single-handedly wiped out most of a ShinRa battalion.” Taking another deep breath, I added, “Before he died, he gave me his sword, and entrusted me with his dreams... and his honour.”
“The shock of his death must have been crippling,” Vincent murmured, his crimson eyes sharp.
“M-my mind kinda broke, and I guess I tried to, um, ‘be him’... everything that I thought I wasn’t.”
“Fucking ShinRa took everythin’ that mattered to ya – even yer mind!” Barret snarled, and then his fierce expression softened. “‘Cept fer Tifa.”
I nodded, tightly hugging the girl at my side. “I-I’m sorry, everyone.”
“What for, laddie?” Cait asked gently.
Hanging my head, I mumbled, “For being a fake.” In the following silence, I swear everyone could hear my self-worth – what was left of it – shrivel into nothingness.
Cid cleared his throat. “I ain’t no fucking expert,” he gruffly stated, “but seems t’ me that even in the short time I’ve been wi’ this crew that you’ve more than fucking earned the right to wear that SOLDIER uniform, boss.” There was a murmured chorus of agreement.
Barret was apparently not discomfited in the least that the man who’d taken over defacto command of AVALANCHE lacked credentials. “Ya got a natural ability to lead, Spiky. Be proud o’ that.”
“You also survived the mako and Jenova injections,” Vincent pointed out. “That speaks to your strength of will... and your selfless pursuit of justice speaks to your strength of character.”
I had just started to breathe again when Yuffie cheerfully declared, “You’re completely screwed up, Cloud – but that’s just the way we like you!”
Barret muttered, “Ain’t no difference from before, anyways.”
There was another round of laughter, and as I looked at the grinning, smirking, and smiling faces of my friends, none of whom seemed bothered in the slightest by my confession, I slowly began to relax.
As if she could read my mind, Tifa murmured, “Told you. Actions speak louder than words, and you’ve never hesitated to put yourself in harm’s way to protect any of us.”
“So, what’s next, boss?” Cid’s fingers had twitched towards the cigarettes stashed in his goggle strap, then pulled back; I wondered who had told him he couldn’t smoke in the confined space and mentally thanked them.
“Er... can we go back to Mideel Town?”
“Sure - what for?”
“Zack’s sword... and I need to talk to someone.”
Tifa gave me a final squeeze before letting go; I kept my arm around her shoulders just because. “The good news is that the Planet heard Aerith’s prayer just before she was killed, but the bad news is that Sephiroth’s will is blocking it,” she bluntly stated. “He has to be removed before Holy can do its job and defeat Meteor.”
“An attainable goal, now that Cloud-san is back,” said Nanaki.
“Not so fast. There’s a catch – if Meteor is too close to the Planet when Sephiroth goes down, Holy won’t have time to work.”
“So we might fucking lose the Planet anyways?” Barret asked in the hush.
She nodded. “How many days left until impact?”
“Three or four at the most,” one of the crewmembers piped up.
“Then we’d better get fucking cracking,” Cid declared, giving in and jamming a cigarette between his teeth. “First stop, Mideel Town.”
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
“If the nurse asks after ‘Teo Laurence’, tell her that I was injured in the Weapon’s attack. No, maybe you’d better tell her I was killed.”“Why?”
Tifa fussed with my harness, unnecessarily making sure the ShinRa logo was centred. “Do you remember those Third Class SOLDIERs that were, um, fried by Ifrit?”
“Yeah. I lost it when you went down,” I said defensively.
“One of them was Thane Laurence. I used his dog-tags when I was, er, a guy.”
“And...?” I had an inkling of where this was going, but preferred to wait for the full scope of the disaster.
Hunching her shoulders, Tifa whispered, “He was from Mideel. Julia Darrow – the nurse at the clinic – was his girlfriend.”
My throat went dry. “Shit.”
“There’s a chance that other local boys were also killed in that battle, because a bunch of his friends shipped out together at the same time to enlist.”
Gathering her close, I tried to deal with the emotions swirling around my head. This was the first time we’d been personally confronted with the fact that there were men inside those various ShinRa uniforms, men who had family and friends; it was easier to think of them as faceless opponents standing in our way. Shiva, I did not want to deal with this. The irony that under different circumstances I might’ve been one of those ‘faceless opponents’ trying to kill off AVALANCHE didn’t escape me, either.
“That must’ve been awkward,” I observed, hating how the words were so banal.
Tifa seemed to shrink against my chest. “She doesn’t know yet that she’ll never see him again.”
I couldn’t think of anything that would be even remotely adequate to say, so I just hugged her more tightly, while selfishly thanking the various deities for giving me another chance to hold Tifa. After a little while, she wriggled free of my embrace; I used my fingers to tilt up her chin. Her eyes remained downcast, so I kissed her cheek and murmured, “I’ll be back soon.”
“Ready, ‘Commander’?”
We both turned to see Vincent tricked out like a Second Class SOLDIER, sans helmet. Instead, he wore goggles to conceal his crimson eyes. “When did you sign up?” I asked half-jokingly;
“Junon,” he replied, adjusting the goggles. “We went undercover to rescue ‘Laurence’ and Barret from ShinRa.”
“ShinRa captured you?” My brain instantly began supplying worst-case scenarios.
“When we were escaping from the Northern Crater,” Tifa answered, finding the materia in my gauntlet extremely interesting.
“What happened?” I demanded.
“Long story,” she said sharply before giving my harness a final tweak. “Just... try to be extra polite, okay? The staff were very kind to me, and they looked after you very well.”
“I’m always polite,” I protested, then remembered several instances when my other persona had been less than exemplary with civilians. “Er, yeah. Best behaviour. Absolutely.”
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
“Excuse me... is Dr. Lassiter here?”The pretty young woman at the nursing station turned around and her mouth dropped open. “C-Commander Strife?” she asked faintly.
I applied my most charming grin. “Yes.”
“You… you’ve recovered?”
As I nodded an affirmative, the ‘Second Class’ lurking behind me rumbled in his most sepulchral tones, “Time is of the essence. Answer the question, Miss Darrow.”
Her eyes flicked to Vincent and she nervously licked her lips. “He’s in his office.”
Remembering Tifa’s injunction, I asked, “May I speak with him, please?”
With another slightly panicky glance in Vincent’s direction, she came out from behind her desk. “I’ll take you to him.”
“Wait outside, ‘Major’,” I ordered. “Have the Highwind on standby.”
He crisply saluted. “As you wish, ‘Colonel’.” I returned the salute, barely stifling the urge to grin. Vincent had been the one to suggest we assume military ranks, now that there was more than one of us playing at being a SOLDIER.
She looked positively relieved once Vincent swooped out the door; as I fell into step beside her, I assured, “He’s a great guy, once you get to know him.”
“With all due respect, Colonel, he gives me the shivers!” she declared, rubbing her arms. “I’m Julia Darrow, by the way.”
“Pleased to meet you, Miss Darrow.” We turned a corner; I noted the number of cracks running across the floor and up the walls of the corridor. “Is this building safe to be in?”
“Probably not, but this is the only hospital on all of Mideel and our equipment is still working. Was that thing a Weapon? There’s been rumours circulating, but our communication links with the mainland are still down, so we can’t confirm it.”
“Yes. ‘Lieutenant Laurence’ identified it.”
“Um… how is Teo?”
She was so earnestly hopeful that I instantly decided against telling her that ‘Teo’ was dead; it was bad enough that I had killed her man. “He was badly injured and taken to, er, Junon for treatment.”
Her hand flew up to her mouth. “Oh, my!” Then her expression changed, and she pulled a pair of dog-tags that I’d last seen around Tifa’s neck out of her blouse. “Teo cheered me up by giving me these, because he shares the same initial and last name as my boyfriend. Um, he won’t get in trouble, will he?”
“I’ll let it go this time.”
“Th-thank you.” Fingering the tags, she added, “I haven’t heard from Thane in weeks….”
“Saving the Planet is the top priority right now,” I hastily interjected, feeling even more of a hypocrite.
Julia started, but then smiled shyly; she really was adorable, and I felt twice as shitty. “Teo said the same thing. I hope that he has the chance to see his special person again before Meteor strikes.”
“I suspect he already has,” I said before thinking. Luckily, we’d reached Lassiter’s office, and I didn’t have to explain myself. Her hand was on the knob, but I stopped her. “I’ll announce myself. Thank you, Miss Darrow.”
“You’re welcome, Colonel.” Her smile became wistful. “Thane badly wanted to make First Class; he would’ve been thrilled to meet you.”
I managed to smile back in what I hoped was a convincing manner. “I’m honoured. Er, is my sword still here?”
“Oh, yes – both it and your personal effects survived. I’ll have them brought to the front desk.” Smiling again, she tripped off in the direction we’d come.
Squaring up to the panel, I took a deep breath and swung the door open, stepping directly into the office without a knock. An older, sandy-haired man wearing a lab coat looked up from a sheaf of reports; his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open, mirroring Julia Darrow’s initial reaction as I began, “I’m....”
“I know who you are,” he hoarsely interrupted. “And not just because you’re the spitting image of your mother. How on the Planet have you managed to shake off the mako poisoning so quickly?”
“Another bath in the Lifestream.” Snagging the chair in front of Lassiter’s desk, I spun it around, straddled it and fixed him with a steady look. “I want to know about my parents… and Project G.”
Sizing me up, he reached into his desk drawer and extracted a bottle of liquor plus a couple of glasses. “As I told your Mr. Laurence, the story of Project G is a long one, and told best with a drink. Where is that young man, by the way?”
“Possibly dead by now of his injuries,” I curtly replied, conceding that Tifa’s idea to kill off her alter ego was probably the better one. “Don’t tell Miss Darrow.”
“How unfortunate.” Pouring both of us generous measures of the alcohol, he raised his glass and solemnly intoned, “To Teo Laurence – a good SOLDIER, but a finer man.” We drank to Teo’s false memory, me trying not to choke on the irony. “Would you prefer to start with Project G – or Liza and Lowell?”
Steeling myself, I replied, “Mom and Dad, please.”
He smiled with genuine pleasure. Setting aside his glass, he folded his hands behind his head, leaned back in his chair, and began, “I met your father when we were first year bio-engineering students….”
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
“I’m really not sure this is a good idea….”“The deck is too hard, and we need some sleep before we reach Rocket Town,” Tifa briskly replied, clipping the hammock’s ring to the opposite wall. Yuffie was already conked out in the one next to ours, and Barret was sawing logs in the hammock beside hers.
“Nanaki is sleeping on the deck,” I pointed out.
“On top of several packed parachute containers that aren’t exactly ideal for the purpose.”
“Sounds fine to me….”
“Please, Cloud?”
Like I could say ‘no’ to that pleading expression. “I’ve had more to drink than I should, and I’m not sure the Tranquilizers are working,” I protested weakly, but I was already unzipping my boots. “I’m not taking off my trousers, though. With my luck, I’ll get dumped out of that thing in the middle of the night in my underwear.”
Snorting with muffled laughter, she watched me undress; she was already in her pyjamas, her hair braided and tied with a ratty blue silk ribbon. “I’ll hold it steady for you. Sit down in it and then swing your legs inside.”
“Easy for you to say,” I grumbled, but did as I was told. The canvas shifted and wobbled, despite Tifa’s grip, and a wave of nausea swept through me. “Uhhh, I don’t know about this….”
“Scoot up,” she urged, and the slight elevation seemed to help. Draping a blanket over me, Tifa squeezed into our swaying nest. After a few gymnastics, she managed to arrange herself to her satisfaction, while I held perfectly still and hoped that everything would stop moving soon. Tifa nestled close and lightly nuzzled my cheek; we shared a long, tender kiss before she tucked herself under my chin, her head over my heart, and sighed deeply.
The hammock’s side-to-side motion gradually slowed until it was barely perceptible, and I managed to relax. Tifa’s scent was part of the reason; she smelled more like herself with every passing hour, and her gentle fragrance worked even better than a Tranquilizer to calm me down. Having her in my arms helped, too. When I’d climbed over the Highwind’s railing after my conversation with Lassiter, my head spinning with all the information, Tifa’s sweet face was the first thing I saw – and I realized that nothing really mattered except her unwavering belief in me.
My anchor, my strength, my friend... my Tifa.
Judging by the pliant way her body was now fitting against mine and her deepened breathing, she was either asleep or close to it. Reeling in her braid, I untied the ribbon; after carefully looping the length of silk around her wrist, I set about freeing her hair, amusing myself by imagining the soft length spilling over the side of the hammock like a dark waterfall. She murmured and shifted against me; I cuddled her close and didn’t think about anything too complicated. A funny story that Lassiter had told about my mom, my dad and a bridal shower gone awry popped into my head, but it would have to wait.
Someday, if the gods were kind, Tifa and I would have our own stories to tell.
But first, we had a Planet to save.
Ô Ô Ô Ô Ô
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