Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Liontaming ❯ Part 3 ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Liontaming - Part 3

by paxnirvana Rating: NC-17 Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII Characters: Irvine/Selphie/Squall Archive: Please ask first.

Author's Note: Irvine and Selphie. They just fit. Now Squall, he's tougher. But I felt like the sullen bastard at least deserved a little TLC… or maybe just sex… and a truckload of angst … *grin* 3/3/02

Author's Gloating: Game complete! Woohoo! Ultimecia went down… hard! First try… and Squall even got to deliver the finishing blow… Rough Divide, baby! With Rinoa and Irvine still at his side… gotta love Angelo's Invincible Moon and Irvine's Pulse Ammo!! Lost Selphie early… but the end was soooo much fun… *big silly grin* But now it's over… sobsob…

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns; paxnirvana does not. And that's the way it is…

"Squall, report to the command deck. Squall Leonhart to the command deck please!"

Xu's voice over the announcement system jerked them all sharply out of sleep. They'd all learned to jump when Squall's name was called. It often meant a battle or a mission was imminent. And this call had ruined a perfectly good dream about being a rock star with thousands of adoring fans, Selphie thought irritably, eyes squinched tightly closed in denial. Arms tightened around her briefly before sliding away. She sighed and rolled over flat on her back as the warm body behind her jumped off the mattress. The other warm body in front of her did the same thing, shaking the bed as he went.

She opened her eyes to watch. Irvine in motion - especially naked - was not a sight to miss. He was graceful as a swimmer, not a move wasted. Tall and sleek and so very yummy. Long auburn hair swinging free, a concerned look marring his handsome face. But there was more to look at than just Irvine today…

A pleased giggle escaped her. Squall had come to a halt in the middle of the tiny room, looking around in mild annoyance, black leather pants held in one hand. His tee shirt was twisted awkwardly around his chest, crumpled and wrinkled all out of shape, but otherwise he was as gloriously naked as Irvine. He tugged the shirt impatiently down even as his frown deepened.

Which was a shame, since he had a well-muscled, if lean, chest. A trifle pale, if you asked her, since she had been somewhat spoiled by Irvine's lovely golden-tan skin tones, but still nice. His naked butt more than made up for the lost view of his chest - tight and hard and so very nicely rounded. Her mouth pursed up in a little moue of appreciation as he turned, muscles shifting easily beneath ivory skin.

"Where the hell is my underwear?" he snarled. Selphie laughed out loud, unexpectedly pleased by the sheer ordinariness of his comment. He fixed her with a sour stare. Irvine was sitting on the end of the bed, head buried in his hand, blinking blearily, stifling a yawn behind the other hand. Obviously not quite awake yet, despite his instinctive reaction to the announcement.

"Don't worry about it…" she said with a jaw-cracking yawn of her own. "The leather will look better without the lines…"

Squall just looked at her in disbelief. She rolled her eyes at him and sat up, curling her legs under her, mildly surprised to find him watching her with a kind of wary fascination. Irvine straightened up slightly, gaze clearing and a frown gathering as he glanced at Squall.

"Xu sounded worried. And we've stopped moving. You better get up there."

Squall's head lifted too and he cocked his head, listening. Sure enough the subtle wash of water and wind outside had stopped.

"You're right." Then he stepped into his pants, zipping them up even as he looked around for the rest of his clothing. Selphie traded thoughtful looks with Irvine, remembering their brief conversation earlier. She blew him a kiss. He smiled back, amused, then stood up. Squall was yanking on a sock, bouncing on one foot, boots tumbled nearby. A grim look on his face once more.

"You need us up there, you call us, hear?" Irvine said, casually snagging his own jeans and pulling them on over long legs. She watched with her usual intensity as he tucked himself inside carefully before buttoning up the front. The little rituals of male behavior fascinated her… equipment on the outside, after all. You'd think it would get in the way… Squall's head jerked up and he glared at her lover, bristling.

"Back off, Kinneas" he said sharply.

"Gonna be that way about it, are you?" Irvine said, his expression smoothing to sudden, careful neutrality. His working face. A thrill of alarm shot through her. That wasn't good, she knew. He moved with startling speed, catching Squall off guard and slamming him roughly into the wall, shoulders pinned, bare chest to cotton covered chest. Squall bucked once, hard, then froze, glaring up into the taller man's face, his own expression now blank and cold. Deadly. Selphie reared up with a shocked gasp, hands rising up to cover her mouth, eyes wide above as she watched them. Like two deadly beasts ready to rip each other apart. One tall and golden, the other lean and pale.

"Let's get one thing straight, Commander," Irvine hissed into Squall's face. "Outside this room you can be the biggest prick you wanna be… you're in charge. But in here…" and he jerked his head back toward the bed, "…in here she's in charge. So be nice."

Squall's expression didn't change, but his icy gray eyes flickered toward her once. She was holding her breath, waiting. For the explosion. For the bloodshed to begin. Heart thundering in her chest. The tense silence dragged as Squall stared coldly up into Irvine's eyes.

"Alright."

The quiet agreement made her gasp and sag down in relief, hands dropping to clasp each other in front of her chest. Irvine stared down into Squall's eyes a moment longer, gaze narrow, then he nodded in acknowledgement once before stepping slowly away.

Squall looked over at her, his expression closed.

"Sorry, Selphie," he said.

"It's okay," she said, feeling something gathering in the atmosphere, something like the prelude of magic. Tense and dangerous. Almost desperate. It was coming from Squall. All of his usual indifference seemed burned away. And he didn't seem to know what to do without it.

Her heart ached in her chest and she wanted to pull him back into her arms, hold him close, soothe the tension away. She glanced at Irvine, seeing the gathering frown as he picked up on it too, then back at Squall.

"Come back," she said, her voice soft, hesitant. But not because she was uncertain of making the offer, rather of how he would accept it. "Come back later. "

Squall stared at her hungrily for a moment, the intensity of it shocking her. Then he glanced at Irvine before turning his suddenly bleak gaze down to the floor.

"Whatever…"

"Squall to the Command Deck! Urgent!" The second announcement jerked all of their heads up. Squall immediately began dressing again, stuffing one sock-clad foot into a boot and grabbing for his jacket. Irvine tossed him the other boot, and then his belts, well aware that the junction link for his weapon was held in them. Squall strapped them on, then crouched to buckle both his boots before straightening up, face impassive once more.

He locked gazes briefly with Irvine as he tugged his gloves on, then glanced back at Selphie.

"You two better get ready. Don't know what's going on up there…"

"Right!" she said, nodding once. Then she slid off the bed, obeying some nameless instinct, and went to him, winding her arms around his neck, pressing her naked self to his leather-clad body. Cool gloved hands settled on her waist as he looked down at her in faint surprise.

"Won't get to do this outside…" she murmured with a little grin as she stretched up on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his. But what started out as a gesture of comfort swiftly deepened into heated passion; his mouth moved on hers as if he could draw her inside like a spell, capture her essence. She whimpered slightly under the assault, feeling Irvine's hands close on her shoulders reassuringly. Then Squall broke away, pulling her arms down from around his neck and stepping away, looking shaken. She leaned back into Irvine's hold, trembling.

Squall traded one last hot look with Irvine, then turned and keyed the door open. And in the next instant he was gone, the door snapping closed behind him. Silence reigned for moment. Selphie shivered again.

"Oh, Irvine," she said shakily. "What have we done?"

"Reminded him he was human," Irvine said quietly, turning her in his arms and drawing her close, pressing her head comfortingly against his chest. His heart was thudding heavily under her ear. She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.

"Yeah, but is that good… or bad?"

"I don't know, sunshine," he said, pressing a tender kiss to the top of her head. "I just don't know."

Squall paused outside the closed door of Irvine's quarters as reality crashed down around him. He was the Commander again. Needed. He sighed deeply and started walking with his usual long-legged stride toward the elevator core. Not even noticing if anyone had seen where he'd come from, lost in his inward haze. Behind him a pair of second-year cadets stared after him in wide-eyed shock.

He shook his head once as he walked, still not quite able to believe that what had happened had really happened to him. His lips tingled from the last kiss from Selphie, body still warm from where she'd pressed herself to him. He'd been sorely tempted to take a kiss from Irvine too, to fortify himself against the unknown disaster that awaited him on the command deck, and that impulse had shocked him. He didn't need anyone else to help him get through the day... He couldn't… He stalked up to the elevator, brushing by several other uniformed SeeD who gave way before him, recognizing him.

He punched the button for the third level, leaning back against the wall of the elevator car as it started to move, lost in memory. It had been incredible. Last night. Hot. Amazing. And like the ultimate fantasy. But like a fantasy… it couldn't last. Selphie and Irvine… so generous… so loving…

He wanted what they had. With an aching need that he fought down desperately. But what they had couldn't include him, and he wasn't the same kind of person anyway. People didn't love him like Selphie and Irvine loved each other; openly, happily, joyfully. And he couldn't seem to love anyone that way either… not even Rinoa. He could see that now. What Irvine and Selphie had was real and true. What he had with Rinoa not even a pale shadow of that. So maybe love wasn't really for him. He felt the chill of loneliness rising inside of him. Familiar and cold. All he had was duty and obligation… to Balamb Garden, to Rinoa… to Ellone, wherever she was.

Last night had been… fun. A blast. That was a word Zell would use. A rare moment out of time, free of responsibility and worry, but he knew it wouldn't happen again.

It couldn't happen again.

No matter what Selphie offered. And if he told himself that enough, maybe it would hurt less.

Squall Leonhart straightened up as the main elevator came to a halt on the top level, then walked slowly out toward the inner office. Back to responsibility once more.

"Squall is that you?" Xu's voice carried down the inner elevator core.

"Yeah," he called back sharply.

"Finally! We're coming down," she called and the elevator pad in front of him began to hum. He saw Quistis's familiar high-heeled boots appear beside Xu's SeeD issue.

"What's going on?" he asked as the two women stepped off the pad in the center of Headmaster Cid's old office.

"It's a Galbadian cruiser. There's no way we could outrun it, but they've run up a parley flag. They want to talk to you, of course," Xu said grimly. Beside her Quistis frowned.

"I think it might be General Caraway," she said, blue gaze catching his. Her eyes narrowed slightly in concern as she looked him over, frowning deeper at his more than normally disheveled appearance. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, shooting her a forbidding look. One that clearly said for her to mind her own business. She sniffed slightly, chin lifting as she registered the snub. He continued, turning his attention to Xu, "Signal them to pull up to the main stairs. I'll go down and talk to them."

"Not alone - they're Galbadian after all."

He glanced at Quistis. "You're with me. And call Zell."

Zell met them in front of the Directory. A crowd had gathered. News had spread about the Galbadian cruiser approaching - or else they'd simply looked out the windows and seen it. Everyone had noticed the Garden had stopped moving. There was much muttering and uneasy shifting. Memories still fresh of the bitter battle with the Galbadian soldiers under Seifer's command.

Squall glanced around, his sharp gaze silencing those it landed on. The silence quickly spread as cadets, SeeD and students elbowed and shushed each other. He thought he caught a glimpse of a black cowboy hat and a flash of yellow near the back of the crowd and his pulse stuttered for an instant. But he controlled it ruthlessly. He was the Commander now.

"It's a parley," he said shortly, raising his voice enough so that it could be clearly heard in the sudden hush. "But it wouldn't hurt if they saw Balamb's strength." Then he turned and stalked toward the main entrance, boot heels ringing, Quistis and Zell flanking him. The crowd followed behind.

He pushed through the turnstile, trading sharp looks with old Warren, the gatekeeper. The usual warning about safety was deferred.

The park around Balamb had been built beyond the hidden hull. Only the broad steps that had once led down to the tree-lined walk remained. The sea lapped at the bottom-most steps, and beyond loomed a dark blue vessel that was distinctively Galbadian. It ran close beside the Garden in the calm seas. Both vessels practically at a stop, drifting. Several uniformed men were gathered on the deck of the ship, looking toward the Garden. A white banner hung conspicuously over the rail.

Squall came to a halt at the top of the steps, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at the ship.

"Leonhart," a familiar voice called over the sea breeze. An officer stepped up and put both hands on the rail, staring at him intently.

"General Caraway," Squall acknowledged, recognizing him.

"Some of our troops returned from Centra with a fantastic story of two mobile Gardens doing battle with each other over some abandoned lighthouse," the General said. Squall frowned. "Funny thing is, yours is the only one we can find any trace of."

"We won, they lost."

"There were also some disturbing rumors about my daughter…"

"She's here," Squall said shortly.

"I assumed as much, Leonhart," the General said, frowning at him too now. "I would like to see her."

Squall just glared at him.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible, General," Quistis spoke up when Squall's silence dragged on uncomfortably for several minutes. The men beside the General had begun to shift uneasily.

"And why is that, Ms. Trepe?" the General said, gaze fixed firmly on Squall. Who was still glaring at him narrowly.

"After the battle, she fell into a coma, though she wasn't injured during the fighting. We don't know why. She is under observation in our Infirmary."

The general kept his gaze on Squall, his expression grim.

"I asked you to look out for my daughter, Leonhart. I could have kept her… all of you… in Deling City. SeeD aren't invulnerable, you know." The crowd of cadets behind Squall muttered unpleasantly. They well knew. They'd all lost friends in the battle with Galbadia Garden. Zell was bouncing angrily on the balls of his feet beside him, muttering under his breath about swollen Galbadian egos, hands clenched into fists at his side. Ready to leap into action at the slightest hint from Squall. Somewhere behind him he heard the distinctive sound of a shotgun being cocked and the rattle of a nunchaku chain. It was subtly reassuring.

"We're looking for an answer, General," Quisits said after shooting Squall a concerned glance. Tensions were rising dangerously, but he remained silent, meeting the general's glare steadily. "We believe it may have something to do with the Sorceress…"

"I'll take care of her," Squall interrupted. General Caraway's brows rose high enough for the gesture to be visible even at this distance.

"Like you've taken care of her so far? I find that difficult to believe, Leonhart. I'd like to take her home."

"No. I said I'll take care of her."

The general stared at him for a long while, not even glancing at the angrily murmuring crowd of SeeD behind him. Concentrating on the young man given responsibility for all of this place. The young man he'd entrusted his only, precious, infuriating daughter to. Finally he nodded.

"Very well, Leonhart. I hold you personally accountable for her safety. I expect to be notified of any changes or information you learn about her condition."

Squall nodded shortly in agreement, their gazes locked. Then the general turned away from the railing, his officers following him after only a moment of confusion over the end of the parley. The white banner was quickly taken in. The Galbadian cruiser powered up, the sleek hydrofoil building up speed as it turned away from the Garden and sped off across the smooth sea.

Quistis stood beside him, head tipped down, her arms folded over her chest. Zell was glaring off after the departing ship, clearly disappointed that there hadn't been a fight.

"Squall, where…" she began. He lifted his chin, shooting her a sharp glare.

"Not now," he said, his tone clipped and icy. Quistis sighed deeply, concerned gaze raking over him searchingly for a moment before she turned away.

"The Galbadians are gone. Everyone, inside now," she said in her best stern instructor voice. The crowd began to fade obediently away. And after a last frowning look at him, Quistis followed, shoeing stragglers along.

Zell still stood beyond him, darting worried looks at him. Squall felt smothered. Frustrated. Annoyed. The General's words still stung.

"I don't need a watchdog," he snapped. Zell's expression fell and he turned away, shooting one last puzzled glance at him before leaving at a slow trot. Squall knew Zell hadn't deserved his temper, but he didn't really care right then.

He just wanted to be alone.

He stared out over the sea, the freshening breeze ruffling his hair. Thinking about Rinoa. Thinking about the final battle in Galbadia Garden's auditorium. How Rinoa had stumbled awkwardly up to Seifer's still body, moving and acting nothing like herself. And how the woman who had raised them… and then become their most deadly enemy… had said she was possessed by the mind of a Sorceress from the future. Ultimecia. Edea. They were intertwined. One hated, one beloved. Irvine had faltered when ordered to kill her in Deling City because, of all of them, he alone remembered her clearly… it was no wonder Seifer had fallen under her sway, carrying out her wishes blindly… they had all loved gentle Matron… but it hadn't been Matron they had fought in the auditorium. That dark laugh had never been hers. Nor the cruel lash of magic she unleashed against them… that had been Ultimecia. She had made Matron her pawn.

Ultimecia was their enemy. And Adel of Esthar. But the Estharians had imprisoned Adel somehow…

A flash of yellow caught his attention near the far side of the broad flight of stairs. He frowned, turning his head to glare and snarl and drive the lingerer away. But he found himself frozen and mute instead.

Selphie was standing on the step just above the water at the very edge of the Garden, hands clasped behind her back like a little girl in a candy shop who had been told to behave and was barely managing to. She was staring down in delight at the surging water inches from her booted toes. Dressed in her trademark cheerful yellow jumper, her hair once more styled in the perky flip she favored. He turned his head slightly and found Irvine leaning against the far pillar at the top of the stairs with his arms folded over his chest, watching her as well, that habitual pleased little smile on his face.

Squall shuddered as sensory memory assaulted him. The smoothness of her skin, her breasts… the scent of her… the feel of Irvine's strong arms enfolding him, his lips on his… He knew how they both tasted and felt… wanted to taste them again with a hunger that shook him. The warmth… the feel…

"I still think this would be the perfect place for a party," Selphie said suddenly, looking around at the broad stairs that now led to the open sea. "We could go south to where the ocean's warm and just swim off the steps… it would be great for morale! Everyone would love it…"

"Maybe," Irvine said calmly. "If everyone knows how to swim… do you remember how, sunshine?"

"Well, I'm sure it isn't that hard… Trabia was kind of cold for beach parties… but I'm a fast learner!"

"Selphie!" Squall found himself calling sharply, sudden fear stabbing him in the gut. She looked up at him, eyes twinkling, a bright smile on her face. "Get away from the edge."

She rolled her eyes at him and tossed her head, but flounced up a few steps. The fear eased slightly.

"Party pooper!" she said and stuck her tongue out at him. Squall switched his glare from her to Irvine.

"Can you swim?"

"Sure, we all learned how together at the orphanage. Matron insisted, since we were so close to the sea," Irvine said, a twinkle in his eye. "Though some of us are much better at it than others…"

"If I learned I don't remember how," Squall snapped, annoyed by Irvine's careless attitude about Selphie's safety. Irvine's face went still and serious.

"Well, now, that's because you weren't one of the better ones, Squall," Irvine said. "Seffie here swam like a fish. Zell too. But you and Quisty always had problems relaxing and going with the flow - you could get by but you never enjoyed it."

Squall felt stung by the comment. As if it wasn't just swimming Irvine was talking about.

"Like a fish? Really?" Selphie crowed, bouncing a little on her toes. Then she turned and looked longingly at the water. Irvine immediately straightened up and came down a few steps, watching her closely.

"It's been years now, sunshine," he said warningly. "You'd best practice in shallow water first. Until it comes back to you. We are out in the middle of the ocean here."

"But that just takes all the fun out of it…" she pouted a moment, then laughed at their indignant expressions. "I'm kidding! Gee, you two are such downers this morning… lighten up! What are you brooding about out here anyway, Squall? Though this is a great place to do it, I just don't see how you can be so grim with all this natural beauty around you." She threw her arms out dramatically, gesturing at the shining sea beyond.

Squall just glared at her. She rolled her eyes and stalked closer. Irvine trailed behind her. She came to a stop on the step below his, peering up at him curiously, hands perched on her hips.

"You're really worried about Rinoa, aren't you?" she said gently.

Squall flinched. Irvine came up and dropped a hand on Selphie's shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Don't pester him about it, Seffie," he said quietly.

Squall met her soft gaze for a long moment, almost drowning in it. Feeling something hard give inside. She cared. She honestly cared that he was hurting. He could see it in her eyes. No accusation of failure, no condemnation, just gentle concern. So he answered her honestly.

"Yeah. I think I need to get her to Esthar. But nobody seems to know how to find the fucking place…"

Selphie cocked her head at him, rubbing a finger thoughtfully against her chin and frowning for a moment in thought. "Well, didn't that causeway at Fisherman's Horizon used to run all the way to Esthar? Maybe we can get there down the tracks - trains don't run there anymore. Which is a shame, because I'd just looove to take another train trip…"

Her words had an almost electric effect on Squall. He straightened up, hands falling limply to his side. He traded stunned looks with Irvine.

"Why the hell didn't I think of that?" Squall muttered, disgusted and elated simultaneously. It was a course of action. One he could take now. There was hope after all.

"Well, shoot, Seffie, that's just brilliant!" Irvine said, grabbing her up in his arms and swinging her around once, planting a kiss on her smugly smiling mouth.

"Of course it is!" she said, throwing her arms around his neck in return and kissing him back lustily. Squall felt a sinking in his stomach. A pang of longing. But he made no move to intrude. Instead, he turned and headed toward the main entrance, leaving them to their privacy.

After a moment he heard the thumping of boots behind him - two sets.

"Where you off to in such a hurry?" Irvine called, coming up beside him. Behind them Selphie was puffing to keep up with their long strides.

"Command deck," Squall said shortly, shooting him a dark look out of the corner of his eye. Irvine just nodded, then snaked a hand back and caught Selphie's arm, propelling her forward. She ran a few steps to catch up, then he swung her up in his arms. She laughed breathlessly. They interacted with a casual ease that had Squall grim with envy. He couldn't interact with anyone that way. Not even them.

"It's not my fault you guys have such long legs… though I'm not complaining, mind you!" she said airily from her perch in Irvine's arms, legs kicking gaily as she gave him a saucy grin. Then she ran her gaze brazenly down his body, making certain he noted where it lingered… on his leather-clad butt.

And she knew he wasn't wearing underwear. Squall felt dull heat wash over his cheeks. Shit, he wasn't blushing, was he? But he was suddenly hyper-conscious of the rub of leather over his groin as he walked. He gritted his teeth and fought the reaction desperately. Winning. He was winning this time…

"We won't be to Fisherman's Horizon until tomorrow sometime, you know," Irvine said blandly, raising a single brow at Squall. But that wicked gleam was back in his eyes as Irvine seemed to read his sudden distress with ease. Squall's blood surged hotly in response, fanning his anger too.

"Yeah, well some of us have duties," he snarled, fighting down the urge to spin the tall Galbadian against the wall the way he had done to him and extract the kiss he hadn't taken earlier. Over Selphie's squirming body, of course. He fought back the enticing images as they approached the turnstile gate. Old Warren was scowling at them darkly.

"You kids shouldn'ta been out there that long - wind's picking up. It's not safe."

Squall glared at the old man balefully, who just returned the glare with equal heat. At least he'd skipped the first lecture. Squall grudgingly supposed he was entitled to deliver one on their return. It was the only job he had, after all.

They pushed through, Irvine holding Selphie high over the gate to Warren's frowning disapproval. "What would the Faculty think of that, do you think?" the old man muttered, shaking his head after them. "What has Balamb come to?"

They ignored the old man, Irvine and Selphie snickering at his comments as they all moved into the main hall, heading for the elevator core. In the car, Irvine finally lowered Selphie down to her feet. She went with a laugh and a successful grab for his hat, plunking it down on her head triumphantly.

The car stopped on the second floor, door opening with a soft chime. Selphie skipped out, laughing and avoiding Irvine's indignant grab after his beloved hat. Squall watched them grimly, arms folded over his chest as Irvine lunged after her with a mock growl of outrage. So playful. So easy. The difference chilled him. Then Selphie leaned back in the door.

"That invitation stands, Commander Squall, sir," she said with a mischievous grin, brown eyes twinkling as she gave him a rather loose version of the SeeD salute. "Any time. You're always welcome…"

He gave her a short nod to let her know he remembered, but didn't trust himself to say anything, his expression bleak. She frowned at him briefly then laughed again as Irvine's arm closed around her waist and started to pull her out of the door's sensor range.

"I've still got your undies hostage…" she hissed quietly, grinning devilishly as she was hauled backwards.

"He's gotta go up to the Command Deck, sunshine," Irvine said in exasperation. "Let the boy do his danged job…" The doors slid shut on the rest of his words, the elevator whisking Squall away and up to the top level before he could hear Selphie's laughing response.

And the loss left him feeling even colder inside.

But duty came first. A change of course. To Fisherman's Horizon. Then would come the minutia of the daily administrative crap that Xu always found so damn fascinating. And probably a frosty lecture from Quistis on his marked lack of diplomacy too…

Squall straightened up with a deep sigh and strode off the elevator. Alone.

Nearly seven hours later, Squall leaned against the wall in the hallway outside Irvine's door, arm braced flat, forehead pressed to it, fists clenched. Fighting himself. He'd drug his duties out as long as possible, until even Xu was staring at him oddly. He'd always ducked out as soon as he could, dumping the daily work on her more-than-capable shoulders, but today he'd listened to every pointless report she had. And had even found himself asking if that was all when she was done. Wanting to delay the moment when he would have to face temptation again. They had lingered, arguing about the advisability of adding different monsters to the Training Center breeding stock for nearly twenty minutes, until finally Nida had told them all to get the hell off 'his' deck… he was trying to pilot and they were all driving him fucking batshit.

Squall had taken the hint and left.

And now here he was, outside Irvine's door.

What was he doing here? He shouldn't be here.

He wanted badly to key the door. So badly he was shaking. Wanted to see it open and have the two of them welcome him into that bed once more… surround him… take away the need to think, to decide and just let him feel again… to protect him… invite him into their warmth and hopefully fill the emptiness inside him… The longing clawed at him.

But he couldn't. Caraway's words still rang painfully in his ears. "I asked you to look after my daughter."

Rinoa.

She was his responsibility. He turned away, straightening up. Took a single step away. Feeling a tearing in his heart. The pain of loneliness. Fighting away memories of Selphie's welcoming arms, Irvine's warm smile, the incredible pleasure to be found in that simple room. Isolation welled. He had a responsibility. He took another step. Then another. Until he was striding rapidly down the hall, frowning fiercely as he made his way out of the dorm area to the central core. Almost running now, along the curving promenade, ignoring the anxious looks of the others he passed on his way to the Infirmary.

To see the girl everyone thought he loved.

- - To be continued - -