Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ M & K's Alphabet Soup ❯ Final Fantasy's Animals ( Chapter 1 )

I do not own Final Fantasy, but most of these characters are original. I didn't mean to hurt any specific person in this fanfic, and no animals were harmed in the writing of this fic.


M & K's Alphabet Soup


Characters in order of appearence:

HostMatt

HostKate

Crazy Audience Member

Chocobo Breeder Cid

Keyes the Chocobo

Moomba Breeder Mary

Mazon the Moomba

Cactuar

Steve Birwim

Cactuar Survivor

Stilzken (Moogle)

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HostMatt: Hello faithful fans, we've got a great show for you today! For today's show, we have the various animals of the Final Fantasy universe!

HostKate: Yep! Today's show includes such favorites as chocobos and moogles. We also have some of the more dangerous creatures, brought to us by our favorite wildlife expert, Steve Birwim.

Crazy Audience Member: Where are the animals? This show sucks!

HostMatt: Ok...jeez...Well, our first guest is Chocobo Breeder Cid!

*Audience starts to clap, as a man about 30 with dark black hair comes onto the stage.*

HostKate: Ok, ok! Hello Cid, we are excited to hear from one of our favorite animals. I just love chocobos!

Cid: Yes, yes. Well, I guess I'll start by accepting questions?

HostMatt: Umm, yeah. Well, I guess we should know what kind of chocobo we are going to see today.

HostKate: I hope it's a Gold Chocobo...I've always wanted to see one in person.

Cid: I'm sorry, but our little ranch only has one Golden Chocobo, and he is too valuable to bring out in the open. The chocobo that I brought is a young, healthy, Yellow Chocobo. Her name is Keyes.

HostKate: Phtz! Figures...just cause we are the newest talk show on the block, we get the cheapest type of chocobo...

*A stage hand leads Keyes onto the stage. HostKate's eyes grow to classic anime size, and she utters "Oooooooh!"*

HostMatt: Well then, while HostKate is busy trying to kill the chocobo *HostMatt glances back at the other host who is trying to figure the `ride' out* I'll continue to ask you some questions.

Cid: Ok.

HostMatt: You said she was young. Has she ever raced in a Tournament yet? And if so, what place did she get?

Cid: Yes, Keyes there, has been in two Championship Races so far. The Choco Cup, and The White Chocobo Derby. In The Choco Cup, she came in fifth out of ten. That was a little disappointing, but she made third in The White Chocobo Derby.

Crazy Audience Member: That sucks! You're chocobo's slower than my dead grandmother. I could run faster than her!

Keyes: Kweeeeh!

*Keyes heard the insult, and bolted towards Crazy Audience Member. HostKate falls off, and gets caught in the reins. All three people are dragged out of the recording stage*

HostKate: Ahhhhhhhhh! Get me off! I am not getting paid enough for this!

HostMatt: Well Cid, I have got to thank you. With that performance, our ratings will go higher than Jerry Springer! Plus you got rid of two annoyances in our show. I'll pay you double now.

Cid: O...K...Hey, where is Keyes going?

HostMatt: He's probably just running off of the computer. After that, though, there's nothing, so they all will be back....eventually.

*Cid walks off stage, very confused. HostMatt gets ready for his next guest.*

HostMatt: Ok, while a search party looks for the missing chocobo, we'll move on to our next guest. With us now is Moomba Breeder Mary!

*Moomba Breeder Mary appears on stage, with her moomba pal.*

Moomba Breeder Mary: Hello, HostMatt, how is the day going? I've brought my favorite moomba, Moomba Mazon. Say "Hi" Mazon.

Mazon: Rooar!

Mary: Sorry, he has not yet attained the ability to speak. He'll get it after about a month of teaching.

HostMatt: That's quite fine, I don't care. I think moombas are the very best creatures in all of video gaming history! So, does he know any words?

Mazon: Rooar!

HostMatt: Ok then, I guess that's a no. Well, can you tell us anything about these animals?

Mary: Not really, they are a mysterious species that is found predominately in the north. Other than that, little is known about them.

HostMatt: Ok, well...that was a little short....umm, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Mary: Shoot.

HostMatt: Yeah, can I keep Mazon as a Host? I'll teach him how to speak.

Mary: Ok.

HostMatt: Great! That was easy, I didn't even have to bribe you!

*Mary says goodbye to HostMazon and prepares to leave. HostMatt gets teary-eyed.*

HostMatt: Oh man, this is too good. Jerry Springer mixed with Oprah! Life couldn't get better!

*Mary leaves the stage, and a scream comes from her*

Keyes: Kweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

Crazy Audience Member: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

HostKate: Cactuar!!!

Steve Birwim: Don't worry, mate! They're perfectly harmless, they just like to tickle you.


HostKate: Yeah right! If you call thousands of little needles pricking you to death `tickling!'

HostMatt: Well, it looks like our next guest came earlier than I thought...hello HostKate, have you met our new Host, HostMazon?

HostMazon: Rooar!

HostKate: So I'm gone for a page and a half, and you replace me!?!

HostMatt: No, that's not what I meant!

HostMazon: Rooar!

Steve Birwim: Well, bloaks, am I going to be questioned, or not? This little feller is gettin' really frisky.

Cactuar: CACTUAR!

HostMatt: Ok, Mazon, say `Hello'

HostMazon: Rooar Rooar!

*HostKate jabs HostMatt in the ribs, and turns to Steve Birwim*

HostKate: I don't care! I just want that thing gone! Can we get it out of here already?

Steve Birwim: Fine! I'm never coming to this show again.

HostMatt: But this is the first show...you never were here before.

*Steve Birwim has an anime sweat drop, and runs off stage, the Cactuar follows.*

HostKate: Phew!

Crazy Audience Member: Hey, this show sucks! You would put an insomniac asleep!

HostMatt: Don't make me send Keyes at you!

Keyes: Kweh!

HostKate: Hey, didn't we have a Cactuar Survivor lined up for today?


HostMazon: Rooar?

HostMatt: Yes, HostKate, we did. This man was viciously attacked by one of these savage beasts while navigating through the desert. He managed to crawl to an oasis, and had to live there for three weeks until his wounds had healed. He was then picked up by some passing thieves, who will be with us next time, and nursed back to near-full health. He is still in a full body cast, and we have to make this interview as fast as possible, because he could lose consciousness at any time.

*A battered man is wheeled out onto the stage, and is put in front of the host desk.*

Cactuar Survivor: Grunt.

HostMatt: Oh, did you think my speech sounded like something Montel would say? I'm flattered.

Cactuar Survivor: Grunt.

HostKate: Thanks, I did my hair myself today!

Cactuar Survivor: Grunt.

HostMazon: Rooar? Rooar Rooar.

Crazy Audience Member: Oh come on, how can you understand him? He's grunting!

HostMatt: Simple, author's privilege.

HostKate: Sick `em Keyes!

*Keyes dashes towards Crazy Audience Member and she runs out of the story once more.*

HostMatt: Ok, that is all we have for today, we thank all of you readers out there who decided to read this.

HostMazon: Rooar rooar.

HostKate: Man, I love this reader's privilege! HostMazon said Good Bye! And I just said it too.

Stilzken: Hey! You forgot about the moogles! Moogles are the most important animals in Final Fantasy! This is not fair!

HostMatt: Oh, we did forget about the moogles, didn't we?

HostKate: Oh, but we can't interview then without Crazy Audience Member! Here, I have an idea, why don't we pencil in a full episode of moogles later. Is that ok?

Stilzken: Fine.........

Crazy Audience Member: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Good chocobo! Get off!

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Author's Note:

HostMatt: We hope you liked our first episode

HostKate: Please respond. Just don't send any flamers, flamers are bad!

HostMatt: Ok, well, when we get to the next episode, it will be about the three thieves of the Fantasy. Here's a hint Yuffie, Zidane, and Rikku.

HostMazon: Rooar!