Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Misunderstood ❯ Distorted Reflections ( Chapter 5 )

Cloud's POV

 

Episode 05: Distorted Reflections

 

He was one of us, dammit!

 

And always had been, even from the beginning. He belonged in our group, fitting in to balance us out. I have to admit, we were all a little screwy in the head somehow, so Vincent with his guilt obsession was no different.

 

I knew from the moment we opened that coffin, and found a man rather than some sort of weapon or materia, that there was something to be feared about Vincent Valentine. Not only his appearance, though scarlet eyes and a golden sharp-as-fuck claw were fright-inducers, but also because he knew /something/ but wasn't explaining anything. All he wanted was to kill Hojo.

That I could understand. I don't think I have ever met someone who actually liked the sick bastard. Hojo wasn't even worthy of being human… nothing less than the scum on the bottom of my ShinRa-issued military boots.

 

Vincent was an enigma to me, although I almost felt that we were alike. He was more often than not silent. He watched us with those crimson eyes, his face betraying no emotions. He preferred to be alone, much like I did at times, and I envied him for being allowed that freedom. I had no such luck. I was the leader. Everyone was my responsibility.

 

I won't say that I expected the two of us to be close friends in the beginning. At most, he tolerated the presence of AVALANCHE, while we tried to understand and not fear him.

 

I think I knew from day one that he was powerful. I kept him in a group with me just to keep an eye on him, and I think I nearly died of surprise the first time he changed in battle. My jaw gaped as I watched him transform into some purplish-horned monster and start tearing apart the enemies. Aeris and I just stood back, observing in awe and a little bit of horror as the beasts were quickly destroyed. We almost expected him to turn on us.

 

But afterwards, he turned and looked at us. I noticed Aeris had gone pale, and I grimly reached for my sword handle, thinking I would have to destroy him. Vincent's eyes flashed once, still that god-awful red, before his creature-form darted off into the surrounding mountains. I thought he was running away. Aeris told me he was just ashamed. I'm more inclined to believe her at this point because my frame of mind wasn't exactly stable.

 

He came back later that night, when Nanaki was on watch. I don't know what the two of them discussed exactly since I woke up halfway through. I confronted him, wanting to know if he was going to be a danger to us. He flinched at that, about the only time I had ever seen him betray any emotion, but he quickly regained his composure as he responded rather coldly.

 

“I don't know what ills I suffered while under Hojo's knife but I would never harm a teammate,” he hissed at me before turning his back on the two of us.

 

I let it go at that. He seemed sincere enough, and he was right. In later battles, when we fought, although he transformed, he never attacked us and would always revert back soon after. Even during the battle with the Materia Keeper, I once saw him take a hit for Aeris. He wasn't the seemingly cold block of ice as he tried to present himself as.

 

But even so, I still somewhat feared him. That was probably what caused the dissension between us. He recognized within me the same Hojo-taint that was within him. I think he believed that the sick bastard might have brainwashed me - though I don't disregard the possibility - at the same time that I thought Hojo might still have control over him. We were both suspicious of each other, even when we should have been trying to be helpful.

 

In my frame of mind at the time, I couldn't really understand all of the reasons why Vincent Valentine made me angry or why I didn't trust him. It wasn't anything he had done specifically, and every man has a right to act the way he chooses, even if it was to be a quiet and cold bastard… but it may have been because I initially thought him attractive.

 

I had always been someone that considered both sexes of interest, probably why Sephiroth had been an obsession. The man was the very embodiment of sex, though he acted as if he didn't know. Vincent was the same way, that ethereal beauty, though masculine he was, and still he thought he was ugly, a tainted product of Hojo. Not that I blame him.

 

Somehow I knew that there was something different about the ex-Turk, like a foreboding feeling I had right before I opened that coffin. I knew that nothing would be the same the minute I pushed up the lid and found crimson eyes staring back at me. It was frightening, and he was anything but considerate and kind as he spoke to us. Rude was probably the more proper word.

 

In the beginning, both he and I misunderstood one other equally. He believed I feared him, perhaps he was right. More than anything, I feared Hojo and what that man was capable of. I thought Vincent cold and quiet. He thought me brash and stupid. Maybe we both were wrong. I can't really say.

 

The gunman was most definitely an enigma but still an integral part of our team. He was a brilliant shot with his guns, far better than Barret's as-many-bullets-as-it-takes philosophy. Heh. Now that I think about it, that might have been why Barret was always ridiculing Vincent, calling him vampy and believing him to be a spy. Then again, Barret was rather thick-headed, though some might say that's a pot trying to call a kettle black…

 

When I finally felt I could trust him, I listened to what Vincent had to say in terms of battle. Other than Reeve, whose training was just as dated as the ex-Turk's, Valentine was the only other one of us who knew anything of military. Just another matter that we had in common; it also made us at odds.

 

But I was never more surprised when I started to believe that Cid and he had something going on. I had realized from the beginning of course that Vincent had sort of attached himself to the gruff pilot; I don't know why someone like him would enjoy the blond's presence. Sometimes Cid could be annoying, and Barret and he were both constantly trying to win the `who-can-curse-more' award.

 

It didn't shock me so much that Vincent had chosen someone to be his friend - no one's an island - but it was the fact that he would choose someone like Cid. If anyone, I thought he would turn to Nanaki; I mean, of all of us Red is probably the most learned other than Reeve, who much came later.

 

I don't know when I realized that they were more than friends. Nor do I know when it first happened, though I suspect Gold Saucer had something to do with it. I saw them talking when Aeris dragged me out for our first D-A-T-E. Heh, that amusement park seems to have a knack for bringing people together. I think I even saw Barret and Yuffie playing games in the Wonder Square and arguing as Nanaki watched on with amusement. It was nice to take a break for that short time.

 

I never thought that their relationship would become what it had. I never knew that love would be a factor. I remember the day that Vincent went nuts and Cid kissed him; I mean, how could I forget? Barret made such a big fucking deal out of it, like I cared what people did in their free time.

 

Vincent being the sacrifice, giving his life to take down Sephiroth. I never knew that was the price to pay. No one should have died. We had already done so much to clean up ShinRa's mistakes; why should we - the heroes - have to be the ones to sacrifice. Aeris should have never died, and Vincent shouldn't have had to change to Chaos.

 

Cid… I just don't know if he's going to make it honestly. He loved him - the cold ex-Turk. The pilot loved him. I don't know if Vincent returned the affection, but I suspect so. Never an odder couple have I seen… except perhaps the romance between Reeve and Reno. I NEVER saw THAT one coming.

 

I hate to admit it, but I can't help but believe that Vincent is dead. I cannot believe otherwise because I saw him fall into the crater; I saw Diablos and he grappling as they fell into the Lifestream. He should have turned up by now, like I had… I am sure he had his reasons for making his choice, but I wish that he could see Cid now, see how much the pilot is slowly dying on the inside. Without Vincent, I don't think we are going to have Cid for much longer. I can only hope that Cid's belief's lead to something substantial.

 

I had long suspected that Vincent knew more of Sephiroth's origins than he led on. Lucrecia, who was the former General's mother, Vincent knew her personally - if his guilt complex was any indication. I wondered if Hojo had perhaps stolen her from him, or was it the other way around?

 

The possibility that Sephiroth could have been Vincent's child never even occurred to me. It wasn't until Aeris and I were talking one day, and she mentioned something, that it became something substantial in my mind. I'm not sure what to think about that.

 

I believe now that I understand why Vincent and I were always at odds in the beginning, why it took so long for me to trust him, and why it took for long for him to put his faith in me.

 

Put this way… I look in the mirror and I see mako eyes. I see someone whose life has been tainted by Hojo. I see a man whose memory is scattered and fractured, whose thoughts might no longer be his own. I see someone who is afraid of what could have happened and what may occur. I see a person who hates one mad scientist and was glad for revenge. I see someone who loves and feels grateful each day that that love was found.

 

I look in the mirror and I see Vincent staring back at me, though a somewhat distorted view of him.

 

Didn't someone once say that the person a man most fears is himself? I could swear I had heard that somewhere, but that is my explanation. Vincent saw a bit of himself within me, just as I saw a piece of my own tattered psyche in him.

 

We were connected by our pasts and our futures, our distorted reflections, I suppose is what I would call it. Certainly seems to fit.

 

In the end, we were friends, allies, comrades. I trusted him with the fate of those that meant the most to me, even the woman I had promised myself to. And he hadn't let me down. It was Vincent that took down Sephiroth, he who took the place of the woman I loved.

 

I don't think I ever really hated him. I'm not even sure I ever really feared him. Who can say what I was truly feeling then, locked up in my miseries and delusions?

 

I hope he is out there somewhere. I hope that he is alive, for Cid's sake more than anything. The others miss him, too.

 

Nanaki misses his debate partner. Yuffie misses the man she used to annoy and torment. Aeris misses his quiet solitude and calming presence. Reeve misses a man who was slowly becoming his friend. Reno was hoping for some pointers, I believe. Barret wanted a chance to apologize. Marlene wanted to thank him. And I wanted to make amends, prove to him that he was one of us, as we all really believed.

 

I wanted to show him that my reflection's changed. That I no longer saw what I used to see.

 

And that if he looked hard enough… he would see that his had as well.

 

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