Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Moonlit Mile ❯ Kind of Blue ( Chapter 1 )

They had grown apart. Too simple an explanation for what had happened between them. It didn't even cover half the feelings and thoughts she'd had over the last year and a half, barely scratching the surface of her worries and despair over the situation. They were the best of friends. Inseparable. Now, a vast chasm separated them. Aeris on the ground floor, in the same cheery room she'd always had. And though the decor changed from dolls and ponies, to celebrity photos and bottles of makeup and hairspray. It was the same comfortable room it had been since she was little.

Sephiroth, meanwhile, had moved from the guest room next to hers to the attic. She remembered what his old room looked like. Full of boy's toys, messy and filled with junk, but comfortable all the same. She had no clue what it looked like now. He moved up there a year ago and after having moved, he shut her out. Sure, she could walk up those stairs on the far end of the hall. He had no door. But there was something terrifying about that prospect that kept her away. She felt like she was intruding where she didn't belong and he made it more than clear that she was not welcome.

Sometimes she wished they could go back to a simpler time. Turn back fate's mechanized wheels and set the past to rights. Make it so they were friends again, like when they were little.

He'd come to live with Aeris and her parents when they were both eight. Their parents were members of the radical environmentalist group called Avalanche. At the time, they'd forced one of the world's major polluters into a corner. Shinra, the name still evoked fear in some. His parents, Lucrecia and Vincent Valentine, were the leaders of the group. The ones who'd started everything and were responsible for the international tribunal that took the corporation down. They were also the number one witnesses at the trial. The day they were scheduled to appear, they were killed by a car bomb. Luckily, the sabotage didn't damage the overwhelming case against Shinra and Vincent had sent her father all the files he'd collected over the years. Her father testified in his place. Shinra went down but at a great price.

When the dust cleared, the Valentine's young son was left essentially homeless. Too young to take over his parent's accounts, much less live on his own. The Valentines were estranged from their respective families and he had no relatives he could turn to. So, in their will, they had named her parents as his legal guardians. He soon moved from his home in Nibelheim to come and live with them in Kalm. It had been a hard transition for him. Not only because he had left everything familiar to him behind.

He was there the day his parents died, watching from the living room window as they got inside their car. His palms pressed against the glass pane, waving at his mom to get her attention. She turned and smiled at him, waving back as she put one foot in the car. He could see his father was already in, his shadowed form sticking the key into the ignition. It was of passing notice; his attention was on his mother. Before she sat down, she blew him a kiss and he was about to return it when the car burst into a flower of flames. Incinerating the car, his parents, and his world all in one go. The image of his mother disappearing in a blazing gust of fire never left his memory. He was haunted by it and had woken up on more than one occasion covered in sweat and screaming.

Both Richard and Ifalna had tried their best to help him, but he seemed indifferent to their care. Her mother in particular had become worried when he'd stopped eating at one point. Very little made the boy happy. So, she enlisted Aeris's help. It had been hard. Sephiroth was a stubborn kid, but Aeris was as patient as her mother and as obstinate as her father.

Aeris smiled, recalling the first day he accepted her offer to play. She'd taken him to her secret spot. A little clearing in a grove of trees in the woods outside Kalm and at first, when she mentioned it he didn't seem interested. But she kept talking anyway. Babbling on and on about the little stream nearby and her great idea to dam it, like the beavers did in this one nature program she saw. About how she thought it might be a place where faeries dwelt but she wasn't sure about it yet. She thought that maybe with the dam, she could flood a bit of the field and flush them out that way. She'd found a really great jar that looked just right to hold a faerie; she'd even poked holes in it just in case. He listened politely and when she wound down, he blinked once and then left.

To say she was disappointed was an understatement. She was upset, sad, annoyed and offended that he'd be so rude. The least he could have done was say no thank you. Feeling confused and irritated, she decided to go out to her secret spot and begin damming the stream. If he wasn't interested in having fun, that was his problem. He could go be all broody on his own time. As she walked to her secret spot, she thought of several nasty things to say to him...wanting very much to storm into his room and tell him that people who were mean and rude all the time ended up sad, wrinkly old people who were alone and stank and lived with fifty cats.

Her anger was very soon subdued as she rolled up her jeans and stepped into the river. The water was cool, but pleasant and she forgot her worries as she set to work. She gathered the largest rocks she could find and plunked them on top of each other. In the show, the beavers used trees they cut down. But she wasn't a beaver and her Dad only laughed at her when she asked to borrow the axe. So rocks would have to suffice. Right in the middle of setting the seventh stone she'd found that was large enough, a twig snapped and she looked up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, little girl?"

Aeris froze. She'd heard about Mister Buskirk from other kids in town. He was an old man who lived just outside of town, near this stream, sort of a hermit with a loud voice and a mean look in his eye. He was always chasing kids off what he considered his property. Even though it wasn't technically his. None of the kids were brave enough to stand up to him, much less tell their parents about the harassment.

She'd run into him once before. He hollered at her something good, frightening her out of her wits, and she lit out of there like her hair was on fire. She heard that he'd beat kids with that cane of his. Burris Ewell said that his brother had a big ol' scar from old man Buskirk. That the he'd had caught him and Bobby Joe stealing raspberries from his yard. Burris got away, but Bobby Joe was caught and got himself a real good whuppin'. Bobby Joe said that if he hadn't kicked old man Buskirk in the nuts, that he woulda beat him to death. He then nodded sagely, saying he was just glad to get out of there with nothing worse than one ugly scar. And he did have a nasty welt on his back, but that didn't mean much when it came to the Ewell kids. All of them were notorious liars. Burris had once claimed that he Chocobo raced at night...and that he saw...AND KILLED a Midgar Zolom all by himself. Despite the lies, she was still terribly frightened of old man Buskirk and he looked to be the sort that'd wallop children with a cane. Plus, the look in their eyes when they told it betrayed some truth, even if it was only a kernel.

"I-I'm sorry..." She stammered, her green eyes large and frightened.

"YOU GOD DAMNED KIDS! WHAT THE SAMHILL YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! MESSING UP THE GOD DAMNED RIVER! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN..."

Confrontation was never her strong suit, as she preferred to avoid it. Aeris didn't wait for the rest, she turned heel and prepared to run...and she froze again. There stood Sephiroth. His arms crossed and his eyes narrowed dangerously, his gaze locked onto the screaming old man.

"Is this your river?" He asked quietly, somehow cutting through the old man's rant.

"What?" Old man Buskirk fixed his eyes on the newcomer. Looking the small, silver haired boy in blatant disbelief. Aeris was forgotten, as she'd done exactly as he wanted. Reacted like all the children in the area did...but this boy...Even as inured to the reality as he was, the old man could feel a small internal warning go off. Sensing the danger in baiting the strange, almost otherworldly child. He ignored the warning, disgusted with himself for actually fearing a boy...much less a skinny little freak like this one.

The silver haired boy was eerily calm, patiently repeating his question, "Are you deaf...I asked if this was your river."

Old man Buskirk was stunned by the boy's authoritative tone. "....You bein' smart with me, boy?" he stood on the other side of the river, shuffling closer to the edge towards the two children. "You should have respect for your elders."

"Being old has nothing to do with it, respect is earned." Sephiroth retorted, his manner was all business and he quickly redirected the conversation to keep on task, "Answer my question...Is this your river? Is it on your property line?"

"Why you little..."

The old man lifted his cane and took another step forward. Sephiroth's hands dropped to his side and without a trace of fear he moved past Aeris. Standing right in the middle of the stream, near enough so that if Buskirk wanted to hit him, he could. His eyes glowed brightly...Aeris watched, seeing the tension in Sephiroth's shoulders. He was like a coiled spring, just waiting for the old man to move so that he could snap.

"Go ahead and try it, old man." He said with an arrogant smirk, giving him a derisive little head nod, "You come back here with a paper that states this is on your land and we'll leave. Until then, it's considered public property and by law, we have every right to be here..."

The cane fell and Sephiroth's hand snapped up with inhuman speed and caught it effortlessly. The old man stared in disbelief, trembling as the boy squeezed and broke his weapon in two. Sephiroth glared at the old man, just daring him to try it again. Never before in his life had the old man seen someone like this. The child had a face of granite, set with cold calculation and open menace. He let go of the splintered cane; his half fell into the river as he backed away. Sephiroth still held the end he'd broken and carelessly he threw it to the side. Advancing on the old man with a languidly relentless stride. Only stopping once Buskirk stumbled back, practically wetting himself as he ran away.

"I'm calling your parents!" He called over his back.

"GO AHEAD! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME!...Idiot." Sephiroth shouted back, turning around to regard Aeris.

She had watched the whole scene unfurl. It had been unsettling and for a while she wasn't sure who she was more afraid of, Sephiroth or the old man. But when he turned around and looked at her. All doubts were assuaged. He didn't exactly smile, but the look on his face was warmer than she'd ever seen it. Eyes were the windows to the soul, her Mom once said that, and Aeris had always thought it to be a very corny sentiment. But true. His eyes told her that he'd protect her, that she was safe as long as he was near. It was in that moment she knew that she'd found a best friend for life.

"So, this the dam you were talking about?"

She nodded numbly while he stared at the dam in question for a bit.

"You can't just use rocks to block it up...we'll have to make some kind of mortar or cement to plug the holes in between the rocks. And we'll need stuff to reinforce the side the current pushes on..."

Aeris looked from him, to it and smiled, "...Okay. Tell me what to do!"

"But...but ...T-This is your dam..."

"Not really...anyways, it can be our dam..."

"Okay."

And with that, they traipsed into the forest to look for supplies.

Almost every afternoon after that was spent there. Chasing butterflies, playing tag and their favorite game...where she would be a princess and he'd be her noble knight, who would come to save her. And of course, building their dam. Which actually worked quite well and did indeed make a small pond that nearly covered the field. Both of them got into enormous amounts of trouble for it, but it was worth it.

The incident with Mr. Buskirk soon got out as well. And though it earned him hero points with the local kids, he was still treated rather badly. If it wasn't fear of him and his strength, it was envy. He'd made a few acquaintances but never anything approaching an actual friend. Either way, Aeris was the only child in Kalm who seemed to see him as a friend.

Aeris knew why. It was hard for him. He was always different. It was his appearance that set him apart, coupled with some of his more inhuman abilities. Being physically stronger and faster than everyone else had advantages and disadvantages. He should have known it made no difference to her and besides she was always there to stick up for him. She'd never let anyone give him crap for the way he looked. It wasn't his fault, after all.

Kalm was a farming town. Most children spent more than half their time outside, in the sun. Hence, most of the kids in town, including Aeris, had sun-kissed skin. Sephiroth was very, very pale. His skin did have color, he wasn't an albino by any means, but it was a very light alabaster and it burnt easily. Meaning he had to wear sunscreen whenever he left the house. His hair added to his odd appearance, being silver in color--almost white and very long. She learned later on that he rarely cut it because it grew so fast. He could cut his hair close to his head at the beginning of the week and by the end it'd be shoulder length. So he preferred not to cut it at all. Because of this they called him names. She could never say 'they used to' because they still did.

It made her angry, the way others based their opinion of him on the way he looked. She'd explained, more than once, that his appearance was as a result of Shinra's tampering. A reactor in his hometown had leaked and had made its way into the water supply. Lots of kids got sick and died from it. The few that survived had experienced side effects. They called it mako poisoning. Most kids were just left with eyes that glowed in the dark. But something about his body chemistry had reacted badly to the chemicals in the water. Her mother had said that he'd gotten so sick, that he'd almost died.

Even after he recovered, in his early years he was a sickly child. Finding it hard to do the things that most children thought of as simple. When he was much younger had to limit his physical activity. This fragility seemed to disappear as he aged but there were still times when his strength failed him--this usually happened when he caught a cold. Aeris was always hale and healthy. A cold would knock her down for a day or two before she bounced back. When he got sick, he was down for at least a week. Spent mostly in abject suffering. He'd battled pneumonia and nearly lost more times than she liked to remember. There were bonuses to his condition but they were far outweighed by the problems and pain it caused.

This was the reason his parents had fought Shinra tooth and nail. It left their son scarred, marked for life with skin too sensitive to go out in the light without being covered, with hair devoid of color and eyes that glowed in the dark like lamps. With strength that made him near invincible, unless he got a cold. Which could drag him straight to death's door. It was awful and unfair, and she hated it. Aeris tried so hard everyday to fight against this. To stop people from hurting her friend further for circumstances beyond his control, but to no avail. The teasing continued, even transferring to her occasionally, because she stood up for him, and because she was his only real friend.

It would have helped if he'd been a more social person. Even before his parent's death, she'd remembered him as being rather introverted. The few times she'd met him before; he'd barely talked to her. And afterwards, he was worse, much worse. Not just introverted, but antisocial. He held most people in contempt, further distancing himself by his attitude. The only person he'd ever talk to was Aeris and she knew this.

This was why the last year and a half puzzled her so. She was his only friend. Why in the world would he distance himself from her? What had she done wrong? She knew the answer, but it was painfully embarrassing to acknowledge. Her brows knit as she thought and she bit her lip, to keep tears away. This was no crying matter.

The lamp on her nightstand softly illuminated the room. Casting dim shadows across the mint green walls. It was very late and she guessed if her parents caught her awake that she'd be in a fair amount of trouble. But she was a teenager and teenagers were supposed to stay up late...it was an unwritten law, in her mind at least.

It all started with a kiss. Yes, she liked that sentence very much and it was true. It had started with a kiss. Turning the thought over, she realized how romantic it sounded. Would the truth but match her fantasy. The afternoon in question had been golden and beautiful and just plain perfect. The attic at the time was just his studio. The whole family had helped setting it up for him, as everyone was tired of the smell of turpentine filling the house. In the attic, with the windows wide open, they never smelled a thing and there was less risk that he'd pass out from the fumes. It also had more space, no carpeting to mess and lovely, wide windows that let in more light than the one in his room did.

He spent many hours there and most times she was by his side. She always loved watching him work. He was a brilliant artist, his specialty being delicately realistic oil paintings. This afternoon was like many before it. She'd gone up to watch him paint and occasionally chitchat. He'd been painting the same still life he'd been working on for two weeks. The style he worked in required such dedicated patience. He coated on thin layers of paint, a little more each day. It took so long because he had to wait in between layers for the paint to dry and with oil paint, that was at least a two-day wait. Depending on the thickness of the layer.

She sat and she watched him, his long fingers grasping the thin brush, carefully applying the color with skilled ease. His gaze flitted between the canvas and the still life. He'd been painting a grouping of rather lovely glass vases, set off by a printed tablecloth. She had asked him why he chose this subject; she loved asking him this because his answer was always different. He stated that he was interested in exploring qualities of light and the luminosity of the vases when lit was an excellent opportunity for this. Also, he was tired of painting fruit, as he had to work more quickly with it. Without having to worry about the vases going bad, he was able to attempt a higher level of detail. She knew where this was going. He'd always wanted to do portraits, like the great masters.

The great masters were artists whose skill and craft were impeccable. Oftentimes, they were thought of as brilliant...geniuses. Their works were so impossibly beautiful that they inspired generations. To be a great master meant that not only were you skilled but that your work was influential. Art that changed the world. That was the kind of artist he wanted to be.

To be a great master meant having to put everything you had into your work. Regardless of reward. It meant having to suffer over your art, testing yourself by pushing your skills to the limit. And so he spent every spare minute thinking up new tests he could put himself to. Painting things he'd never painted before, forcing himself to paint things he wasn't interested in, sometimes using a style he didn't like, all in the name of making himself a better artist. He hated still lives, he'd told her as much. But the great masters had always started with still lives and by god, so would he.

This one in particular seemed to annoy him. The painting hadn't gone well since the moment he started it. It was hard to tell the shapes of the vases because of the way glass distorted when put together. The pattern on the fabric gave him no end of trouble and he was having difficulty getting the light just right. He'd painted over it twice already and this third attempt was also going sour. She could tell by the frantic way his brush moved. The almost angry way he dragged it across the canvas and the visible tension in his shoulders clued her in. Looking up from her embroidery, she saw this and heard the soft exhalation that came from him. She knew that sound well; it had a particular tone to it that red flagged his frustration. Putting down her embroidery hoop, she walked over to him. He'd set his brush down and was staring at the painting, his hands setting limply on his lap, looking utterly despondent. If he noticed she was there, he didn't show it. In retrospect, he probably had known, his hearing was preternaturally acute. Another gift from Shinra Incorporated.

Their relationship had always been close. The moment he had accepted her when they were nine, there had been an unspoken bond between them. She knew him better than anyone, and vice versa. But it was more than just knowing his mind, his hopes, dreams and fears. It defied explanation...to Aeris, she felt like they just belonged together. He made her feel less alone. She'd always felt that she was different. Sometimes she'd know things she wasn't supposed to. She'd dream something would happen and it did. And then there was the time in kindergarten, when the plant the class was supposed to take care of died because someone forgot to water it. She felt so bad for it that she cried. The teacher tried to calm her, to no avail. She could see herself running from her desk to the plant and grabbing a leaf between her fingers. At her touch, the leaves uncurled and filled with life again. In her head, she still sometimes heard the collective gasp of the entire class as thirty eyes stared at her. She was always regarded as a bit strange after that.

Sephiroth never made her feel odd for having a kinship with plants. He didn't make fun of her when she talked to them. Didn't question her sanity when she insisted they could talk back. He didn't laugh when she told him about the song she'd hear in her sleep. The one that reminded her of the planet...and life....and sometimes, if she listened very close, that song had words she could understand. He'd sit with her in their grove, holding her hand and listening with her, in hopes that the song would become decipherable. Alone, with him, the song took shape and there were times she swore she could hear the words echoing through the tips of his fingers.

She was the only one who saw past his odd appearance, as he was the only one who saw past her odd personality. They were strangers on a journey together in a strange world. She'd made concessions for him, but he made far more for her. As his past was filled with tragedy and loss. He hated letting anyone in, where everything hurt. But she was different. She made the pain go away and for that, he'd do anything.

Sephiroth had rejected physical affection the moment his parents died. He'd never allowed her mother or anyone else to near him. Her mother tried to hug him once after one of his nastier nightmares; he nearly threw her across the room. Aeris was his great exception. He allowed her to comfort him and her touch was never met with anger...as it was for everyone else. They'd often take naps together in the living room. Falling asleep on the couch in front of the television. When they were younger, they used to spend the night in each other's room. After one of his nightmares, he'd be left shaken and afraid, and the only thing that'd calm him was to be by her side.

Over the years, her parents had discouraged this behavior. It had been a very long time since the last time they'd fallen asleep in the same bed...but occasionally they'd risk getting caught, just to be in each other's arms. Physical affection had somehow become intertwined with the emotional connection they'd formed. From light, gentle touches, to a warm hand on the shoulder. It was apart of who they were, and an integral facet in their relationship. When the memories became too much, she was right there, rubbing his back and telling him it was okay. When she was afraid, it was his hand she reached for and it was always there. Always.

Recently, he'd become overly sensitive when she touched him. Shrugging off her hand when it touched his arm, going out of his way to avoid contact with her. The innocent hugs of childhood were lost and had been replaced, there was deeper meaning in them for him and she did not understand because he couldn't find the right words to say.

She approached him that day oblivious to his subtle shows of discomfort and the feelings behind it. Standing behind him, she gazed at the canvas to get a better look at what was frustrating him. Sometimes she'd helped him get over slumps like this. She was his pair of extra eyes, his muse...she always blushed when he called her that. It was silly but she couldn't help it. Coming closer, she absently stroked his hair, like she always did. He'd never complained before, in fact, he'd said he liked it..

He tensed, jerking his head away from her hand. Aeris looked down at him with confusion. Before, such a gesture would have calmed him but now he seemed more anxious. She could see his face in profile. His delicate features were hardened as if he was trying to control some raging torrent of emotion. Where had this come from?

"Seph?"

He said nothing, languorously blinking as he stared down the canvas. The world had gone silent, nothing but the creaking of the floor and their breathing. Hers was calm and even, as she tried to think of ways to help her friend. His breathing was hard, chest heaving in and out visibly as he sucked in air to compensate for his furiously beating heart. She equated this with his anger at the failed painting. Her hand had long since left his head, standing behind and to the left of him; her body just barely touched his back. She had set her hands on his neck and began to massage, hoping this tried and true tactic would rid him of his tension.

Instead, it set him off. With a snarl, Sephiroth threw his brush to the side with disgust and in the process; he knocked free a few bottles of paint. He wasn't always in full control of his inhuman strength and the paint went flying. Splattering to the floor with a wet squelch. Some of it hit his face on the way down, leaving multicolored flecks on his skin. It startled Aeris and despite herself, she squeaked in fear of his outburst. Jumping back a little, her tiny hands shooting up to protect her own face. Blinking wildly, she looked down at Sephiroth. Who'd slumped forward, his face buried in one hand. She went to him, lightly touching his shoulder.

"Don't."

He'd said it so quietly; that she wasn't sure he'd spoken at all. For a moment, she looked around, thinking that perhaps she'd only heard it in her head. She was so confused, what did he mean by that?

"Don't what?"

He was trembling. What was wrong? She'd thought they'd gotten past all of this. Things had been so good lately. He'd hardly had a nightmare in months.

"Just...don't." He said, his voice choked with long repressed emotion.

She was alarmed now. There was always a slightly cold, clipped quality to his speech. It was hard to detect emotion in it and she knew he liked it that way. He detested showing emotions, even amongst those who knew him. The only time he'd openly show his feelings was when something was really wrong. Had the nightmares returned and he just hadn't said anything? She thought he'd told her he'd been sleeping better.

Aeris knelt next to him, her body pressed into him as she reached over to touch his face. Her fingers brushed his cheek and he shied away with a look of pain flitting across his features as he turned his head to the side. Unable to reach his face, she set her hand on his shoulder.

"Seph, please...what's wrong?"

He lifted his head and gazed at her with a look of utter misery.

"Seph?"

Without a word, he tried to get up to get away from her. He managed to clear his stool before his legs gave out on him. Sephiroth was stronger than the average human, but this came at a price. His metabolism was unnaturally high and he had to make sure he ate regularly and that day, he hadn't really eaten that much. Skipping both breakfast and lunch to continue working on his canvas in an unwise attempt to rush to finish the painting. His exhaustion was physical...as well as emotional. There was a reason he went so fast...a reason he pushed. And that reason was very near, yet so far away. She was the intangible, he could not touch her and it was slowly destroying him. Overcome with emotion, all he could do was sit on the floor, mutely staring at the motes of dust as they trailed through shafts of golden sunlight that burst in through the opened window.

She moved next to him with a look of obvious worry on her face. Her hand went to his shoulder again and in an attempt to comfort him, she rubbed it gently. Sephiroth didn't react to it this time, walling up his thoughts as he gazed blankly outwards. Eyes on the world outside as it passed them by. Aeris moved even closer, resting her head on his shoulder, one arm snaking behind his back to play with his hair. It was almost longer than hers now, she thought as she twisted a lock of it between her fingers.

Outside, she could hear the clear, ringing laughter of children as they enjoyed the bright summer afternoon. The sky was a tranquil blue and it reminded her of a postcard she once saw of Costa Del Sol when she was five. It had been in a little convenience store and her father had laughed at her for wanting to buy it. None of them had ever been to the resort town, why in the world would she want a postcard from the place? But he'd bought it for her anyway, helping her to glue it into her memory book the moment they got home. She still had it and when she was feeling blue, she'd often take it out and look at it. The picture reminded her of summer and better times, and that the troubles in your life don't last forever. Sooner or later the clouds clear and the sky is blue again. Aeris smiled.

The world below continued on, completely oblivious to the heavenly silence in this little room. It wove a spell of sorts around two childhood friends, who once laughed and played carelessly. Without thought or worry to what the future might bring. Living eternally in the moment, until eternity was torn from them and the moment was left behind in the frozen past. The same children they heard before went on with their games. Peals of laughter filtered through the windows, followed by excited shrieks. Somewhere far off, a dog barked. The trees rustled with a sudden wind, clearing the birds from their boughs.

Aeris watched as they flew from the trees like a living cloud. Scattering across the sky, little moving dots that pinpricked the endless blue. Looking for a place to land. The wind gusted again, this time hard enough to blow the curtains hanging in the windows back. She closed her eyes as the breeze lifted her hair back, revealing in the sensation as it cooled her sweat soaked brow. When she looked up at Sephiroth, she was shocked to find him staring at her and his gaze was so intense. No one had ever looked at her like that, especially a young man. But he wasn't a young man, he was her best friend...a small voice inside cried out that he was most certainly a young man...as she was a young woman....and she tried very hard not to register the thought.

Unconsciously, she began to blush. A feeling of lightheadedness hit her, but she calmed her flighty heart. This was all so silly. And she tried to push out the strange, new thoughts that flitted through her mind. She found the flecks of paint on his cheek of sudden interest and it helped to clear this feeling. It was something to focus on beyond his piercing gaze...but it only drew her in further. She leaned forward on her knees, so that she was almost eye level with him. Licking her thumb, she rubbed at the paint on his cheek. It wouldn't come off. She leaned further in, her face mere millimeters from his. Her wetted thumb lightly brushing across the same paint fleck. It came off and she almost hooted in joy, but the sound left her throat. Her first thought was that he was very close to her and she felt slightly stupid for it. A high blush colored her cheeks and her lips flushed. She was leaning against him now and her heart was beating so fast.

His eyes were bright as they studied her...but they were always bright, weren't they? But she swore that somehow, they were brighter. Like a light had been turned on where before there was only darkness and pain. He blinked so slowly that she found herself counting each time they opened and closed, until he lowered them as his gaze was drawn away from her eyes. Almost imperceptibly, he leaned in. Aeris swallowed. What was he looking at....He leaned in close enough for her to feel his breath on her cheek. She noticed he was blushing too and it made her stomach flip flop. It felt like a million tiny butterflies had been set loose inside her, the feeling washed over her and she clung tightly to it, until there was nothing else. The only sound she could hear was her breathing, mingled with his, and her heart as it thudded loudly in her chest. Slowly, his eyes met hers and he held her there. His head tilted as if in deep thought, like he was searching for something. She gave him a shy half-smile, lifting her chin ever so slightly upwards. Feeling nervous and excited at the same time, it made her want to laugh giddily. What kind of game was he playing with her now?

Hesitantly, he moved in closer, his face nearly touching hers...His eyes closed as he leaned forward...and though her brain knew better, it seemed an eternity before his lips met hers. Coherent thought stopped. His kiss was soft and lasted no longer than a few seconds before he pulled back. She was too shocked to kiss back and could only stare numbly at him. But her lips tingled from the warmth he left behind and she prayed silently for a repeat performance... His lips hovered so near her own and...he kissed her again and this time, she was conscious enough to respond with slight pressure of her own. Kissing him back with uncertainty that slowly dissipated, as she became more confident.

Their lips melded and it occurred to her that a real kiss was nothing like what they showed in movies. It was far warmer, more real...primal, stirring the blood so that it boiled. Their lips wetted and slipped over each other as the kiss became much more serious. Passion entwining with newly blossomed desire as it flared to life, burning inside of her. With her heart beating wildly, she pressed on and just felt, letting the sensation numb her to the world around her. She wanted him. He wanted her. It was all written in their kiss and she nearly succumbed to it, until her brain stepped in.

She was kissing him...her childhood friend...her best friend. Sephiroth. This broke the spell she was under. She was kissing her best friend and it was a line she was unprepared to walk over. Breaking away with a gasp, she stared at him wide eyed. He looked back at her, not comprehending why she'd stopped. Then it hit him. Of course she'd stop and his face fell. Aeris blanched as she watched the emotion flit over his features, seeing the disappointment in his eyes. She clamped a hand over her mouth, not knowing what to do or how to fix things. Instead of staying and explaining things to him. Telling him she wasn't ready just yet and that he'd done nothing wrong....she ran from the room, hand still clamped firmly over her mouth. Running away, from him, herself. From everything. Until she got to her room and shut herself in, using the door to prop herself up as she sunk to the ground and wept. For what, she didn't know at the time. But now she understood. It was the loss of their innocence. She'd realized at that moment they were no longer children and the thought frightened her more than she'd like to admit.

Sometimes, growing up can be a scary thing. To know that just around the corner lurked adulthood and responsibility. It was more than just a simple kiss that she feared. Whether or not she accepted his affection, the moment they kissed everything changed. How she felt about him changed. Sephiroth wasn't just her best friend anymore, and if he wasn't just her best friend...then what was he? She wasn't ready for this. This was something women thought about. Adult, grownup women. With worries and bills and jobs and...and.... And she just wanted to be a little girl. She wanted to play and laugh and not have to worry. She wanted....she wanted to not have this feeling inside her. She wanted to be able to look at him again without that painful sucking breathlessness in her chest. She wanted to be able to think of him and not feel butterflies whirling around in her stomach. She wanted things to be the same like they were before. But everything had changed and she wanted to cry now.

Women didn't cry. Girls cried. Women were strong and could deal with stuff like this...and she was crying. Didn't that mean she was still a girl? The soft voice of her older self spoke again, telling her that women did cry. So did men. Everyone did. Crying, like everything else, was a part of life. She couldn't put off becoming a woman, when she already was. A year and a half had passed and so much had happened since that day. Her birthday was coming soon....she'd be eighteen, a senior and mere months away from graduation. Next year she'd be in college, which was just a crash course in mini-adulthood. And after college came what? A career. She'd have to move out. Eschew the comfort of the home she'd known for the last seventeen years and make her way in the world. Presumably by herself and she wasn't so strong and she couldn't imagine that she ever would be. Aeris cried quietly as she remembered. Why had it taken her so long to admit all this?

Because she didn't really want to. To admit her fear would be to acknowledge that it existed. If it existed, then it would happen and she'd have to accept the fact that she had grown up. That she was no longer a little girl and hadn't been for quite some time. She'd have to admit to the fact that she'd hurt the only person she ever cared for. All by being a stupid, selfish child, who was too scared to own up to her feelings. That's what it was, wasn't it? She was afraid of this feeling. Scared to admit that she...she cared for him as more than a friend. Not just because of the changes it'd make to their lives...but because she was worried he'd see her for what she really was, a little girl in a woman's body. It was silly, really. He'd known her for so long, he'd never think that. But he did...he still does....and all because she ran away in fear like a big moron.

After that afternoon, he never treated her the way he had before. She was locked out of his thoughts. Treated just like everyone else, an outsider to his world. Around her parents he was civil. But anytime she approached him alone, she'd receive nothing but hostility. He was cold, so cold, colder than he'd ever been before. This was what she was supposed to have saved him from. What her mother had asked her to help with and she failed.

"Aeris, can you do your mum a favor?"

"Sure!"

"You know Sephiroth lost his parents right?"

"Yeah....he's awfully sad....you want me to make him feel better, right?"

"Mmmhmm."

"But how do I do that?"

"Be yourself, silly. He needs an emotional connection to this world. I think without it, something terrible could happen..."

"What's a 'moshunal connection?"

"I want you to be his friend."

"Oh!...okay!"

Aeris paled as the memory assaulted her and deep within the earth, the song she strained to hear confirmed it. The coldness he displayed was a symptom of his gradual disconnection from his humanity. He was distancing himself and the farther away he drifted, the more alone he became. Her mind screamed an alarm; no one should be that alone. Especially him. He put on the airs of being strong but it was all pretense, he was emotionally fragile. No good could come of him walling himself up and more than anything else she wanted her friend back.

Wiping away the tears, she set down the textbook she'd been pretending to read on her bed and sat up. This had to end. Not really sure what she was thinking, she opened the door to her room and peered out into the hallway. Aside from the howling winter wind, the house was eerily silent and dark, but for the light spilling from her room. With quick grace, she ran soundlessly back into her room and turned off her light. Closing her eyes to get used to the dark before exiting her room. She stepped out into the hallway, closing the door quietly to make sure she didn't wake her parents. Their bedroom was right across from hers. Moving as quietly as she could, taking one step at a time, her feet crushing into the carpet silently. She passed by the linen closet on her parent's side of the hall. Then the guest room, which used to be Sephiroth's...now it was a dedicated junk room. Her mother had promised to clean it out sometime and turn it back into a proper guest room but she never had the time.

She approached the stairway that led to the first floor, the muted glow of the streetlights outside entered in through the small window. Aeris paused, resting a hand on the wall and looking outside. The storm still raged, the wind whistling high like a screaming child as it kicked up snow and sent it swirling into the sky. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, she was only wearing a cotton tank top and flannel pajama bottoms. Her father had a tendency to turn down the thermostat at night and she got cold so easily. Sephiroth called her a hothouse flower, unable to survive outside certain specific environmental conditions. Aeris had swatted him whenever he said that, not everyone was immune to the cold like him. She'd bought a space heater to keep her room warm and toasty. So she'd forgotten that she was wearing essentially summer bed-wear and consequently had also forgotten to grab her housecoat when she left. For several seconds she balked, her mind torn between retrieving her robe and continuing on.

If she left now, would she be brave enough to continue? Or would she walk back into her bedroom and snuggle back into bed and forget this fool's errand? Aeris knew it was the latter. If she stopped now, she was never likely to start again. Swallowing hard, she forced her feet forward and every inch seemed to be a mile as she closed in on his room.

This wing of the house was more deserted. There was only her father's study on her left hand side. On the right was a second, smaller guest room and next to it was the bathroom. At the end of the hall was a small doorframe without a door. Beyond it lay the staircase to that lead to the third floor attic, which was his room now. She swallowed again, briefly glancing at the door to the bathroom. A drink of water would be nice about now. No. She shook her head and forced herself on. Was it just her or did the floor creak? Her feet felt like lead and every stepped dragged. Sooner than she liked, she was standing in the doorway, peering up at the staircase. Would he be awake, the question was well stated in her mind and part of her chided herself for thinking he would. Who, besides her, would be up at this hour? And that chiding part of her mind had kind of wanted him to not be awake and had prayed that she'd come here only to find his room dark and him fast asleep.

Warm, orange hued light pooled onto the staircase, coming from just inside his room. It didn't mean anything, he could still be asleep but her excuses were absurd. Her next worry was that he'd hear her. Of course, he'd hear her. The damned stairs had creaked terribly and he'd always been able to hear her before she came. Biting her lip and closing her eyes, she set one foot on the stair. It creaked and she winced, waiting for him to come barreling down at her.......She lifted her other foot and set it on the stair, waiting. Waiting. Her foot lifted and she took the next stair, waiting, nothing. Foot, step, nothing. One more step. Nothing. Carefully, she ascended like this, taking each stair one at a time. Holding her breath with each successful step she took, until she was at the top of the stairs.

The first thing she noticed was a stand that held his practice swords in the antechamber that separated his room from the stairs. It was set proudly near the entrance, so it would be the first thing anyone saw and the first thing he could grab if there was trouble. She smiled slightly; he hadn't changed much after all these years. Always thinking of protecting those he loved. His father had been a kendo master, amongst other things and for as long as she knew him; he'd studied the same art. He'd often talk about his father and how good he was, and how much he wanted to be just like him. Her parents hadn't liked it, especially her mother. But he was not their son. Vincent would want him to continue and so they let him.

She remembered going to his dojo to pick him up with her father. The strangeness of being in a room filled with the clattering of wooden swords, it was a world she knew nothing about. She had gotten berated once by an older student for not taking off her shoes inside the dojo, a mistake she never made again. Whenever he improved in skill, there was a special ceremony and demonstration they had to attend. They were kind of boring but interesting at the same time. His teacher would always come up to them afterwards and gush about how talented he was.

If she remembered correctly, he'd achieved the rank of junior instructor at age 16. Which his teachers considered quite the feat but Aeris was at a loss as to why. She wondered what rank he might be now. There seemed to be a few years in between them, so perhaps he hadn't gone up a level. Approaching the stand, she idly stroked the sheath of one of his swords with her fingers. Her eyes flickered over to the corner, where the longest sword she'd ever seen rested against the wall. It was obviously well loved and used often. Not needing its own spot on a stand, besides the fact that the thing was too big for it. That had to be the masamune, the sword made by master Wutanese swordsmith, Masamune Nyudo. It was his family's heirloom. Given to Sephiroth's great-grandfather by Masamune himself.

He told her legends about the sword once, but she'd forgotten them. Her parents hadn't let him play with it when he was little, she remembered that much. They must have thought him old enough now. Adult enough. He'd been practicing a lot lately, hardly spending a moment at home anymore. When he wasn't at the dojo, she'd see him taking off into the woods with that sword in hand. Was it to get away from her to release his frustration? Did he really hate her that much? Yes, he probably did. He probably envisioned her face over every stroke, cutting her imaginary self down time and time again with that sword. Maybe that's why he practiced so often. She'd never connected the events until now. Moving away from the stand and the staircase, she hovered near the entrance to the attic proper. Her hand touched the doorframe lightly and she leaned against the wall, hugging it for comfort. What the hell had she been thinking? This was madness. She pressed her eyes shut, her head dipping down in indecision.

"I could leave now and he'd never know. But he's probably heard me. If he did, he'd be out here by now, telling me to go away. Okay, so he hasn't heard me. So what? What the hell is this going to accomplish, Aeris? But I can't let things go on like this. It hurts too much...I care about him, even if he hates me. He'll never listen. So, I have to try. Try what? To mess things up worse? He can't stand to be around me...he hates me. No, he doesn't. You've seen that look, the sad one he gives you when he thinks you're not looking...No, I haven't. There is no look. Yes, there is. Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

Aeris thumped her head against the wall, immediately grimacing right after. He had to have heard that and she listened closely for the sound of his angry footsteps. They never came and she exhaled quietly. That little argument with herself solved nothing.