Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ New Love ❯ Chapter 20

Here it is, the second-to-last chapter. I don't think anyone was quite expecting this, but this chapter takes one last-minute twist I'm sure will take you by surprise. I was a bit uncomfortable with the characterization here, but the main part of this story is Cloud and his actions, and to show this side of that I had to show the characters this way.

 

New Love

 

Chapter 20

 

Cloud stared blankly at the pale brown door in front of him. He'd been staring at it for a minute now, memorizing the miniscule cracks and differences in coloring. He'd spent the entire car ride home and the elevator rides up and down trying to think of what to say, how to say it and what to do now saying it.

 

Oddly enough, everything he'd thought of now escaped him.

 

Cloud took a breath and lifted his hand. He hesitated for a moment, and knocked three times. He heard shuffling, and a few moments later he heard the lock slide back and the door was pulled open. Aeris looked up at him, her eyes widened slightly as she realized who it was. Cloud held her gaze and forced a small smile.

 

“Hi,” he whispered.

 

“Come in,” Aeris replied, stepping back. Cloud nodded and walked inside, Aeris closing the door behind them. Cloud crossed the living room to the sofa and sat down. Aeris stood behind the chair opposite him, staring at the floor.

 

“Don't you want to sit down?” Cloud asked.

 

“I'm fine,” Aeris said. “Why are you here?”

 

“Right, right…” Cloud stuttered for a moment as he tried to think of what to say. “I know….this past week must have been hard…”

 

“No you don't,” Aeris objected softly. “You just had to decide who you loved and wanted to be with. I've been sitting here every day, wondering what to do. Do you know how many times I wondered what you were doing, thinking? How many times I wanted to call the office just to hear you answer?”

 

“No…I don't know,” Cloud said. “You're right, I've had it easy. All I've had to do is go a week without seeing either of the two women I love, wondering if they hate me and want nothing to do with me. And I can't blame them either, because I've already put them both through hell and at least one of them is going to get crushed when I tell her I don't want to be with her.”

 

“So we're agreed, life this past week has official sucked,” Aeris nodded. “That doesn't answer my question. Did you come here just to rub salt in the wounds?”

 

“Why are you doing this to me?” Cloud asked, growing angry. He'd come here to set things right, or try to at least. “Why are you trying to turn me into the bad guy? I came here to try and fix things!”

 

“Things can't be fixed with a few words, Cloud,” Aeris said, turning around. “You have no idea the heartache you've caused me, and I'd imagine Tifa isn't doing any better.”

 

“I know I made a few mistakes, I'm trying my best! I'm new to this is all!”

 

“New to what? Making decisions?”

 

“Trying to live my life the way I want it! And I want to live it with you!” Cloud cried.

 

“With me…” Aeris whispered.

 

“Yes.” Cloud stood up and crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Aeris from behind. “Aeris…I love you, and I know I hurt you but please…I want to be with you, I want to make it, make everything right.”

 

“There it is…” Aeris let out a bitter chuckle. “The way you want it….that's what really matters isn't it?”

 

“Huh?” Aeris turned around in his grasp.

 

“You never thought about how we would feel, did you? You spend an entire week deciding who you want to love? Did you ever consider what we were going through? I got a phone call earlier this week, someone you may know? Professor Highwind?”

 

“Cid?” Cloud whispered, confused. “Why would he call?”

 

“He wanted to know if it was true we slept together. And we got talking, and I found out a few things…that's when I called Tifa.”

 

“What!?” Cloud shrieked. “You and….why? You guys were going behind my back talking to each other?”

 

“Yeah, and you know what we found out?” Aeris asked angrily, pulling away. “You asked Cid for help, you asked your mother for help, you asked everyone on what to do with your problem! Did you ever consult Tifa? Did it ever cross your mind to admit to your girlfriend you were attracted to someone else? Or me? Why couldn't you have come clean to us instead of just letting lust build up until something happened?”

 

“I…I…” Cloud stammered to try and think up a reply, but he was drawing a blank. “I don't know.”

 

“You confided in everyone close to you, tried to burden them with your problems, and then you cheat on your girlfriend, make me fall for you, and put us both through a week of heartache!” Aeris accused. “You know Tifa would do anything for you. You had a great job, loyal friends, a beautiful girlfriend….and you threw it all away because you didn't like it. This whole ordeal Cloud, start to finish, has been about you…you've been so selfish.”

 

“I have not!” Cloud protested.

 

“Yes you have. You bring everyone else in on your problems, try to make them make your decisions for you because you don't want to handle it. And then when you do make a decision at last, you make everyone else suffer for it. Why? Why did you do this? You've made yourself the star on your own personal drama and gave everyone a front-row ticket.”

 

“Please Aeris, don't do this!” Cloud reached for Aeris, and she backed away. “I know, I screwed up, it's been going through my mind every day ever since I realized what was happening with us! But I'm trying to deal with it.”

 

“No you haven't. You've been trying to put off dealing with it. You had a problem and you didn't try to fix it, you made sure everyone else knew about it and then you just sat back and let it get worse. You ran, Cloud. You got into something you couldn't handle and you tried to run and leave your friends to deal with it.”

 

“Stop trying to make this my fault!”

 

“Your attraction, your kiss, your girlfriend, your friends. Your decisions, your mess. Tell me Cloud, if you're not at fault, who is?”

 

“Aeris…I know,” Cloud said.

 

“You keep saying that, but you don't mean it. Everyone who cared about you, you brought them all into a problem that wasn't theirs and let it get worse. You've ruined the lives of everyone around you, just because you had the perfect life and didn't want it.”

 

“Then help me!” Cloud pleaded. “Help me make it right then! Aeris, please, just tell me what to do to fix it!” Aeris lowered his head and turned her back to Cloud.

 

“Get out…” she whispered.

 

“What?” Cloud said.

 

“Leave…I don't want you here anymore…” Aeris repeated.

 

“Aeris…I love you,” Cloud tried one last time to reach her. Aeris turned her head and opened watery eyes.

 

“But I don't love you,” she lied.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

 

The door behind Cloud slowly closed as he stepped inside the hall of his apartment. He had been all but forced out of Aeris' apartment, trying, begging to for her to give him a chance. She had refused him, screamed at him. The apartment keys in Cloud's hand fell to the carpet below, and he tilted his head back and screamed. The roar of rage reverberated around the darkened, empty apartment as Cloud let it out. The anger, the heartache, the frustration, the sadness, everything. When he finished, he felt depleted…everything was gone…everything…Cloud took a breath, and spun around and slammed his fist into the mirror hanging on the wall.

 

Glass tinkled on the carpet below, the mirror cracked to the edge from the force of Cloud's blow. He breathed heavily, and withdrew his hand, looking down in detached curiosity at the blood running along his fingers and knuckles. He relished the pain, it gave him something to hold on to. Cloud clenched his eyes and let out another cry, marching into the apartment. He stumbled to his knees and fell forward, his hands hitting the wood floor to catch his momentum. Cloud's breath became shaky, and he clenched his eyes shut.

 

“I'm sorry…” he whispered, tears leaking down his cheeks. A few fell on his hand, running along the cuts from the mirror. “I'm sorry…I'm sorry!” he screamed, burying his heads in his hands. “I'm sorry…” the final apology came in a whimper. The apartment fell silent save for a few ragged breaths and sniff. Cloud lifted his head and locked puffy blue eyes on the first thing he saw: a picture of him and Tifa on the TV. Cloud clenched his teeth and let out an anguished cry, climbing to his feet and stumbling to the picture, grabbing at it with now-wet hands.

 

“I'm sorry Tifa…Aeris…everyone…I didn't want this! It wasn't supposed to go like this…”

 

Cloud set the picture down and took a step back, looking around the apartment. Everyone, something reminded him of someone…his diploma on the wall, the pink flowers in the vase on the table, the clock hanging above the sofa…and the pictures, of him with almost everyone…everyone he had dragged into his life. Cloud fell to his knees again and closed his eyes.

 

“Aeris hates me…my relationship with Tifa is ruined…my friends hate me. I've lost my job, my apartment, my friends…” he whispered. “Now what? What do I do now? I lost everything, someone tell me what I do now! What do I have left here?” Even as Cloud spoke, he realized his answer.

 

Nothing…there was nothing left. He'd lost everything…Aeris was right. He'd had a great life, and threw it away. Cloud sniffed and climbed to his feet. He ran into the bedroom, looking with a quivering expression at the room, and pulled open the closet door. He pushed aside a few of Tifa's dresses and found what he was looking for.

 

- - - - - - - - - -

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Cloud stilled at the sound of Yuffie's voice. He stopped piling his clothes into the suitcase on the chair in front of him and let out a long breath.

 

“What are you doing here?” he replied.

 

“Aeris called the work, said you had come to see her and left. So what's up?” Yuffie explained. Cloud resumed packing without turning.

 

“I'm leaving,” he said. Yuffie's brow furrowed.

 

“Where are you going?” she asked, concerned.

 

“I don't know…but why stay here?” he asked bitterly. “There's nothing left in Midgar for me Yuffie. Why bother staying?”

 

“So you can live your life!” Yuffie cried. “Cloud, do you get this? You're just going to leave? What about all your friends? And Aeris and Tifa, what about them?”

 

“They hate me,” Cloud said. “Stay here, so I can survey the ruins of my life and be surrounded by people who hate me? No thanks…I wrecked my life here, I'll start over…somewhere else. I destroyed my life, fine. I'll create a new one.”

 

“You're unbelievable…” Yuffie muttered. “You're running…you're taking the easy way out, that's what it is. You can't handle things so you're leaving. I pegged you for a lot of things, Cloud…but not a coward.”

 

“Yeah,” Cloud agreed. “I'm a coward, I admit it…I've learned a lot about myself the last couple of weeks.” Cloud slammed the suitcase shut. “I guess I'm a wimp too.”

 

“You're not,” Yuffie shook her head. “You're one of the strongest guys I know. You've endured a lot of shit most other people would have crumpled from.”

 

“Yeah, well…I can't endure the two women I love hating me,” Cloud replied, picking up the suitcase. He walked towards the doorway, and Yuffie glared at him as he stopped in front of her.

 

“You are such a selfish bastard,” she growled, shaking her head.

 

“I've heard that before today,” Cloud said, continuing on. Yuffie turned her head to watch as Cloud walked towards the door of the apartment, and stopped. “Tell them…tell them I'm sorry,” he called back.

 

“If you were really sorry, you'd stay and tell them yourself,” Yuffie replied. Cloud was silent for a moment, then reached out and turned the doorknob, pulling the door open. He reached down to pick up the suitcase he'd filled from his apartment, and walked into the hall.

 

“I am sorry, Yuffie, everyone…I can't face you all, not yet…I can't expect you guys to forgive me…not until I figure out how to forgive myself. For that…”

 

Yuffie kept watching his back move further away until the door slammed shut.

 

It was the last time any of Cloud's friends would see him for over two years.

 

I'm sure none of you quite expected that, did you?

 

Next time, the finale, the last chapter! Don't miss it!