Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ One Step Closer ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: FFX-2 and characters belong to Squaresoft-Enix.

A/N: this is a repost from my account in ff.net, which I took down because of horrible grammar. Correction, critics and comments are much appreciated.

****

As you move through the years, it is a natural thing to feel the flow of time. People enter and leave your life like images no more substantial than a shadow, and we change. But some people don't change. They will forever be juvenile, and won't stop to pull pranks on you even when they're old and responsible enough to raise a child. And some will be eternally unchanging, waiting for a shadow of the past that could have been lost forever. I experienced both at the same day.

The floor was cold.

I could feel it seeping through my body - my butt was starting to get numb from sitting too long on the ground. I really wanted to kick something, but there's no item worth kicking and the only person who was with me is, well, I could't bring myself to kick him since we're sharing the same fate. 

I leaned on the chamber's wall and turned to get a studied look at him. He seemed to be lost in thought, since he's staring uninterestedly to the chamber's floor, resting his arms on his bent knees.

"How the hell did we end up like this?"

He turned his focus from the floor he'd been staring at blankly to my face, motioning his thumb to the only entrance to the room. "I think when they decided to throw away the key that's supposed to open that door."

I didn't turn to look at the entrance, since I've been angrily pounding it for the last 40 minutes - and none of the traitorous bastards came to our rescue. Either they're all deep in sleep, or worse - they've been plotting this since last week. A wonderful, awful idea it was. I felt my fist tightened at the thought. "I mean… why did it have to lead here?"

"We're attending Gippal's party."

"Oh, yeah, Gippal." I snorted. "Remind me to kill him after we get out of here."

He laughed lightly at that.

"Gippal's engagement party." He said again, staring into my eyes. There was something so disconcerting about being the center of his attention... rather like being a bug under a magnifying glass on a hot summer's day.

"And Gippal's getting engaged because-"

My mind seemed to be running back to the memories from last week. I remember Besaid Island. I remember Yuna, dressed in a pristine white gown that almost makes me wish I'm the one getting married. I remember Yuna kissing with her beloved blonde under the sunlight, her fingers wrapped around her betrothed's blond strands. I remember Nooj with Leblanc, dragging along her two pesky cronies. I remember Rikku…

 "All right, single ladies come over here!"

Yunaseemed happier than ever, even more than the day she had found him at Besaid's beach. I haven't seen the smile left her face for a minute. She was standing over the temple's terrace now, waving at the girls, and every single woman start gathering together under the scorching sunlight, giggling timidly, while the group of men - located close to Wakka and Lulu's hut were looking at their girlfriends, rather frantic. Gippal was one of them.

"Come on, Paine!" I couldn't resist when Rikku grabbed my wrist and start dragging me into the horde. Within a moment, I found myself at the front row, and Rikku beaming at me happily.

"You seemed to be awfully pleased." I said, as calm as possible.

Rikku'stoo occupied with Yuna's bouquet that she actually isn't paying any attention to my words. "What?" She said, beaming even wider that I couldn't help but to smile back.

Yunaheld the bouquet readily, and grinned at us. She lifted up her arm, and with a delicate swing, the flower arrangement flew to us and landed… at my hand. I instinctively dropped the bouquet - half shocked because I have no intention of catching it, but Rikku caught it with the speed of a hawk before it actually hit the ground. She immediately lifted it up to her petite figure like a war bounty, looking almost as happy as the bride. "I got it! I got the bouquet!"

The girls at our back merely clapped at her success, half of them honestly congratulating, and half of them were contemplating that they're the one who should get the flower. But among the cries of delight and shouts of disappointment, I heard a very familiar voice cursing faintly in Al Bhed, "Ur, cred!"

I turned around and saw Gippal staring at Rikku frantically, knowing that she got the bouquet only means that … another wedding bell is merely weeks, or worse, days away. That's the only reason I could think why he's looking so lost now, scratching his head in the way like he's trying to peel his scalp off. She'd be expecting a marriage proposal from him anytime now - no time lost, since Rikku had always been the person to do things quickly. I knew those two love each other like mad, but Gippal doesn't seem ready for a commitment yet. Or he has - but hasn't found the right time to do it. The Machine Faction has branches about anywhere in Spira now, almost in match with Rin's Travel Agencies - and I had heard Rikku complaining about how Gippal can't seem to find any extra time to spare for their relationship.

Rikku must have missed Gippal's frenzied remark, since she walked up to the temple's terrace with the flower arrangement in her hands, grinning - to pose together with the bride and groom for a quick snapshot. 

I walked to Gippal's direction, and found Nooj and Baralai, each of them sitting next to him, while Nooj was mocking him endlessly about the horror of marital life.

"Even if you're married," Nooj said, his tune full of mockery, "never ask your wife her weight. Trust me, I learn this the hard way."

Baralaichuckled at Nooj's comment, one I heard very often from our teen life. His laugh subdued when he caught my appearance. Nooj has his machina arm around Gippal's shouder, and he looked up from the blonde, giving me a smile. Gippal yanked out his hair, and I fleetingly wondered if he was going to give himself bald patches.I shook my head at the trio. "Stop poisoning him with your polluted minds." I smiled, and added, "He's gonna need it to propose."

The Al Bhed looked up from the ground that he's been staring for the last 10 minutes and glared at each of us collectively. "Brats."

Everyone gaped a bit at Gippal before exploding into laughter. Nooj's machina arm grabbed his shrinking figure, rocking him back and forth. Gippalstared at us for a moment, his eyes narrowed, but then I thought a glimpse of approval shone in them. He elbowed Nooj playfully on his chest, "Thanks for the tip, Noojie-Woojie."

As if on cue, I heard a pitchy annoying voice came from my back, making the hair of my neck stands out. "Noojie, I couldn't catch the bouquet!"

Noojraised his eyebrows at the statement. "You're married." He said. "Why do you want to catch the bouquet?"

Leblanc walked past me, flung herself to Nooj's side and wrapped her arms dotingly at his shoulder, and I knew I really wanted to look away. "So we could get married twice! Isn't that romantic, love?"

I was pondering a reason to escape from there, when Baralai suddenly grabbed my hand and started to lead me away from the scene. "Let's go find something to eat," he smiled. "I'm starving."

I let him dragged me to the village's gate, up to the village's monument, where we can have the overview look of the village. It's supposed to be a place where people used to pray for save outing, but now it's just an abandoned memorial. I watched the village with only half my attention, trying to the spinning in my head under control, and couldn't pinpoint exactly why he had brought me there. "I thought you wanted food."

"I don't think you can eat with a face like that." He said, pointing the area under his eye with a finger in a way, and my hand attentively moved up to touch my own face. It's wet.

"Dammit," I said, rubbing my eyes with one hand. "You caught me."

He was silent, and I wiped my eyes even harder, almost scratching my eyelids. I would have expected this to happen, but not so quickly. And not in front of everyone like that. Not in front of my friends. Not in front of Nooj. 5 years ago I could easily walked away and escaped from such difficult situation by turning a blind eye. I won't even shed a single tear. Now, seeing Nooj with her just makes me want to...bawl.

5 years can't really let you get over your first love. It may take the wound forever to heal, and I'm slowly forgetting… that's why I tried to stay away from the Youth League as far as I can. Still, I feel miserable as I was sulking to Baralai. He had not made a single comment about it.  After what seemed forever, I finally looked up and stared at him, my eyes still red and puffy, cracking a faint smile. "How come you didn't offer me your shoulders?"

He gave me a concerned look. His smile for me was gentle and soft, the one he only gave to the people he genuinely liked. "Would you take it if I did?"

He's reading my mind, I thought.

"Sorry for troubling you," I said, looping my arm through his and started walking back to the village. "Let's get some food."

"Because she caught Yuna's bouquet." I finished my line after a quick flashback.  That day is Yuna's day. She was awfully happy, and I was awfully gloomy. But I found my usual self several days later, when Rikku showed up at my place to announce her upcoming bash.

"I'm throwing an engagement party! You must come!" Rikku gushed in enthusiasm,and I smiled at the thought of how Gippal might have proposed, with one knee and all. He might be an Al Bhed, but one peculiar thing about Gippal is that sometimes he would stay loyal to the old customs. He always said something like, 'Women should stay home and cook!' I only muttered 'crid ib' at him that time, knowing mutely that Rikku's not the type to stay home and do things like a good housewife would. She can't even peel a potato without cutting her fingers.

I noticed a brilliant red stone is shining vibrantly on her right ring finger, and she kept waving it around. I know it's not to annoy me, so I stopped myself from scowling when she shoved her ring in front of my face. "Isn't it nice? Gippal said he made it from a sphere he found at BikanelDesert!"

I nodded. "How did he propose?"

"Eh-" A flush crept up to Rikku's cheek faster than an average human saying 'imposhibibble'. Gippal might have gone with the old ritual like I expected him to do. "Did he kneel down and ask you with one bended knee?" I asked teasingly.

Rikku'sface blushed even brighter, and she ducked her head really low. I almost laughed at the sight.

"Do you know how Gippal proposed to Rikku?" I said, breaking him out of his thought.

He looked up again from whatever he's staring, and smiled. "He carved a ring from a sphere, hired several Macalania musicians, brought her to Moonflow for a candle light dinner under the moon, and proposed her in front of Cid and Brother."

Damn, I really missed a lot of things. "I never knew he was such a romantic."

He grinned. "Gippal got it from me."

"I never knew you were such a romantic."

"You're always too occupied to notice." He muttered in an odd tone of voice. I looked at him, surprised. Was I missing something?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing." For a moment, he looked as if he was going to say more, but he apparently decided against it. "So, today we ended up at Djose temple for their engagement."

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. "And without any awareness that they were plotting a very rotten scheme to us."

****

The Al Bhed's party is only half as big as Yuna's, but the excitement is almost in match. Most people attending the party are blondes with green swirly eyes, with a few exception of Yuna, her husband - whose name I gave up on pronouncing years ago, Wakka and Lulu, Kimahri and several Ronsos.

Gippal's almost drunk because he kept making rounds at the party, finishing whatever the guests poured into his wine glass. Rikku though, was in an effervescent mood, bubbling like the champagne she was sipping at. Her cheeks were glowing with good cheer and health, much in contrast with the pretty yellow gown she's wearing today. She had barely had a half glass, but her eyes seemed brighter, and I wondered if she was one of those people who couldn't hold her liquor. My eyes must have betrayed my doubt, because she gave me another one of her earnest grins.

I caught the sight of Brother sulking at one of the corners, Cid laughing among several Al Bheds with his glass shattering voice, Buddy chattering with one of the Al Bhed girls, and Shinra secretly pouring a bottle of cognac into the cocktail bowl. I saw the boy took a sip from the large bowl, and flinched when the liquid made its way to his stomach. He's gonna have problem standing up after several glasses.

"From your face, you'd think we were at a funeral." a light voice said playfully. Nooj was limping toward my seat, but the annoying woman in red wasn't within my view.

"Where's Leblanc?" I asked.

"Some problem with our kid." He shrugged and I shifted a bit as he took the seat next to me. "Said she's gonna catch up this afternoon."

I almost flinched at the word 'our kid'. Nooj is happily married to Leblanc with a child now, much to my dismay. 

"So how's life treating you?" Nooj said, touching my hand to get my attention.

I squirmed a bit. "Can't complain."

"Can't complain means good."

"How's the Youth League?"

"Good."

The conversation felt tedious. I was thinking of asking him how's Leblanc, until I sensed that he's placing one of his arms on my shoulders, drawing me closer to his chest. I tried pushing him away, with no luck. "Nooj, don't." I said, half cursing myself mentally because I didn't sound very convincing.

I always wondered what make me fell for Nooj. After Vegnagun's defeat, we tried going out for several times, and I've never felt happier. Until Leblanc finally caught us red handed. Several days after the incident, he came to me. One look into his eyes and I immediately knew - Nooj was torn. At one side, he felt obliged to Leblanc, but at another side he can't let go of me completely. I knew I can't be that selfish. I don't think I can be like Leblanc, and heal the burdens of his heart, the way she did for Nooj. I can't be like her, and always be there, unchanging. It's not my nature to be strong. She would go to the depths of Farplane just to see him smile. She walked the path of a sphere hunter just for Nooj's sake. I memorized how she looked so down when Nooj disappeared. I bore in my mind how Nooj left a sphere at Farplane exclusively for Leblanc, just to avoid her from Vegnagun. I pushed Nooj away before he could pull out any decent apology, slammed the door on his face, and shunned him away from my life.

I had heard about their wedding. One of Youth League's biggest event, they said. Gippal and Rikku showed up that day, almost dragging me to the party. Luckily, I could pull out a reasonable enough motives to avoid them. But then Yuna came and offered me one thing I need the most: a hug. She didn't bombard me with any question, and let me wept through the night.

Nooj let go of my shoulders reluctantly, and I shifted my gaze toward Rikku and Gippal, now sitting next to each other, Gippal had his arms on Rikku, whispering something to her which made her giggle.

"It's over." I finally said, and saw Nooj tightened the grip on his cane. "It'll never work between us, Nooj. You better accept that fact."

He looked hurt. "It's better if you even told me why."

"Do you even need to ask?" I replied, harsher than I intended.

Silence.

"I found the Crimson spheres when I was… searching for you after the Eternal Calm."

I kept my gaze at the crowd, my fists clenched tightly on my lap.

"I'm sorry if I broke your heart." He said, and I felt his hand on mine, squeezing it gently.

Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him, Paine. I knew because if I did, I may latch myself in the act of stupidity I'm gonna regret my entire life. Luckily, Gippal came to my rescue, bringing along a bottle of Chianti, and kept pouring it into our glass, and I finished it all in one gulp.

Leblanc finally showed up a couple of hours later, her two loyal cronies tagging along at her back, with an infant in her arms. I was watching the boy with an interest, when Leblanc placed her son down. Nooj lowered his arms at the boy, beckoning him to get closer, and the infant laughed cheerfully at him, approaching his father as fast as his little feet could. I got up from my seat and smiled politely at them before leaving. They even didn't saw me leaving.

Avoidance is a GREAT defense mechanism. I practiced it hourly.

Baralai watched like a hawk as I left the happy family and sat next to him. "You were watching us, didn't you?"

He didn't reply.

"So," I said, running my eyes on the crowd, taking a swig from my glass. "We're the only singles left at the Crimson Squad. You wanna go out with me?"

It was truly a stupid thing to say. I knew it the second the words left my mouth, but by then it was already too late.

"You're drunk." He said, and I realized it's the only reason why I haven't wet my cheeks. Yet. I felt light headed, and reflexively rested my head on his shoulder.

The party goes around until dusk, and the guests comprised of only the inner circle of close friends and relatives now. Cid's face is burning from alcohol, and he's staggering from keeping himself firm on the ground. "I can shtill drink," he murmured, while Brother was placing one of his old man's arms over his own shoulders, and started dragging the stubborn old man toward Celsius.

Yuna and her husband had left with Wakka and Lulu. I didn't see Nooj and his family. He must have left when I fell asleep.

"Why don't you stay here for the night?" Rikku said.

I followed Rikku with groggy eyes, and she led me to one of the temples room, packed only with a simple bed. I plopped on the mattress, and vaguely heard her say, "G'night."    

Or so I thought. I was almost asleep when I heard murmurs coming from the entrance.

"C'mon, just stay here for the night."

"I have to go back. New Yevon hasn't really learned what you call self relian-"

"Don't be so goddamn stubborn. Look at you, you can barely open your eyes. Do you really wanna walk back all the way there? Celsius already left. Looks like Brother forgot about you."

The door swung open, and I was too lazy to turn back and take a look at the newcomer. I figured they would immediately left when they saw me on the bed.

"Paine's here. I can't-"

BLAM

I heard Gippal's barely audible voice from the back of the door. "One night without a praetor won't kill New Yevon."

I don't need to look back to know who Gippal had brought in. "Don't you have another room?" he said. I saw from the corner of my eyes, Baralai tried to open the door, but it won't budge. "Huh?"

He turned the knob again, this time with more strength, but the door remained in tact to the frame. "It's locked." He concluded.

All the sleepiness I had from wine and whatever I have swallowed instantly goes away when I heard that. "What?!" I said, almost scolding at him.

"It's locked." He echoed.

I moved up from bed and turn the doorknob with all my strength. The door is Al Bhed proof, it won't budge even when we tied 99 L-bombs on it. "How did this happen?"

He shrugged. "I think he didn't realize you're in here."

"It can't be." I shook my head. "Even so, I don't think he has intentions of locking you in here all night."

"Try to open it with your sword." He said.

My left hand went to the hip where my trusted blade usually is, but I can't find it. "Huh?" I looked down to see an empty sheath. "It's gone!" My mind went to retrace what happened before I plopped on the bed. Rikku - she stole my sword. That little thief!

"That just makes it." Baralai sighed and sat at the corner. "Gippal took my javelin before I came in here."

"You don't say-" I stammered, trying to find the pieces together.

"Looks like we're going to spend the night here."

The thought didn't really disturb me. Back in Crimson Squad days, the four of us are normally packed inside a tiny tent. Thanks to that, I'm used to hearing snores and finding drool or whatever on my clothes the next morning. Yes, it's one of those stupid trials. The first time I was assigned to be recorder, I have a lot of disturbing thoughts. Huge men are probably stuffed in a dirty room, and it feels like you'll get pregnant just by getting near them. After meeting the others, well, I have to admit they're not that kind of men.

I sat on the bed's edge, and beckoned Baralai to join me. He didn't move from the floor, instead he shifted his eyes awkwardly at the bed then me. "What?" I asked. "You know I won't bite you."

"You sleep there. I sleep here." He pointed the floor. The cold, freezing floor.

He's being stubborn. I blinked at him, wondering when he turned so distant. "Since when you're a gentleman?"

When he didn't answer, I stood up from the bed, yanked the red rope at his collar, heaving him up and dragging him to the mattress. He let out a strangled yelp. "Pai-"

"Nothing's going to happen." I said, half to him and half to myself.

He looked at me disapprovingly.

"Don't worry, I'll kick you down the moment you lay a single finger on me."

Or so I said. After 2 or 3 of Baralai's irrelevant complaints, he finally gave in, and we lay on the bed, our back to each other in the dark room. The bed is too small for us to fool around without me kicking him down or him shoving me to the wall. I could feel his feet shuffling uneasily under the blanket, and I realized I'm making the same movement when my toes came in contact with something warm.

He squirmed from the touch, like my toes are Gucumatz's poisonous fangs. 

"Baralai?"

It took a while for him to reply. "Hmm?"

"Say, what happened with your dream to become an airship navigator?"

"Spira's a ship too. I guide the people who feel lost in the winds of change. Isn't that navigating?"

"Oh."

"Ever tried piloting an airship?"

"…Don't tell anyone, but I once tried flying the Celsius when Buddy and Brother went out. It hit the ground several times before I could really get it to fly. They will kill me if they found out."

He chuckled. "How does it feel?"

"Just nice… not really what I expected."

We were silent again.

"Why do you want to become a navigator?"

"Why do you want to ride on an airship?"

I hadn't really thought about it. "Well… when Gippal told me that something that big could really fly, I feel astonished. I've always wanted to fly ever since I was a kid."

"Hmm."

"Well?"

"What?"

"You haven't told me why you wanted to become a navigator."

He shifted uncomfortably under the blanket. "It's a secret."

I snorted. "Yevon is contagious."

I closed my eyes this time, trying to fall asleep. Before I could really fall to the dream world though, I heard Baralai whispering, "Because the navigator always sits next to the pilot."

What's the fun in that?

****

I woke up the next morning with Baralai sitting at the floor, every bit of my muscle sore from trying not to move so much. The sun was making its way from the window.

"Why are you sitting there?"

He looked at me. "Last night you kicked me down."

I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"What are we gonna do now?" He looked at the door. "Looks like no one realized we're here."

"Rikku will come. Gippal might too, if only he can remember."

"I just hope they didn't oversleep."

They didn't.

So we sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, too acquainted and too lazy to talk.

"I've been wondering since last night," Baralai said, gazing at the ceiling. "What's that?"

A half sphere like object is attached to one the ceiling's corner, glowing in the brilliant sunlight. "Commsphere." I walked up from my spot, and waved to the sphere. "Hey, anybody there? We need to get out of here!"

No response. But I was very sure the Commsphere was switched on, since the little camera inside actually moved and zoomed to my face. That's when I heard Gippal's distinct cackle from the other side.

I felt my blood boil. Those bastards- they-

"They intentionally locked us up in here," Baralai concluded.

I felt like screaming. It's enough that we've spent a sleepless night, now those two crazy Al Bheds decided to lock us up for another day. Whatever pounding and screaming won't make it, because they intentionally wrapped the temple's wall with soundproof material for the purpose of machina research - which I'm regretting a lot now.

"Damn…" I trailed off, feeling that my head started to spin. "They're getting hurt."

"If we can get out soon," Baralai said, sounding rather hopeless. "I don't think they will let us out that fast."

"Gippal!" I yelled at the sphere again. "I know you're there! Get us out of here already!"

It seemed to be forever before I heard his respond from the other end. "Can't do that, Dr. P."

"What? Why?" That's when I heard Rikku giggled too. "Rikku! You- you little traitors!"

"So how do you feel after spending a night together?" Gippal chuckled. "I'm sorry for not watching you last night, since I have to attend some - man and wife duty."

I shook my head. "You're a jackass."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Gippal said, and I could feel the grin at those words. "I hope you enjoyed last night as much as I enjoyed mine."

"Gippal!" I heard Rikku again.

"You're so DEAD, you know that?"

"Ah, but in order to kill me, you have to be in front of me first. I don't think that's possible since I'm the one holding the only key." He cackled.

This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening, I thought, repeating it over and over in my head like a mantra. Sadly, it didn't work. "Whatever," I said. "I swear - the moment I left this door, you're gonna regret that Sin and Vegnagun didn't kill you."

"Oooh, I'm scaared!!" Gippal cried mockingly from the other end. I covered my face with my hands to stop myself from punching the wall.

****

Three hours later, I found myself looking at the door. Again. Baralai was quiet the whole time, and I began to wonder his stillness. He might have gone crazy from all the silence and the wall staring.

"You've changed, you know." He suddenly said, turning my attention from the wall.

"Things change, people change. It's the one constant in life. Nothing ever stays the same," I told him.

"I do," He replied. "I miss the old you."

"I haven't lost my old self. But it might be a little longer before I find her." I smiled. "What about you? Find anybody cute yet?" I actually regretted that I ask that. The moment those words came tumbling out of my mouth, he paused, freezing, and I wondered if I had already offended him.

He shook his head. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Really?" I said, perked up. "Who's she?"

"She said that she has to do a bit of soul searching first." He said, drawing his face closer to mine, and I felt his breath on my skin. His low voice was barely a whisper, creating a warped sensation of intimacy. His hazel eyes are boring into mine, beckoning me to come closer. I froze when his fingers slid down to my neck, stroking rather than gripping, pulling me closer to his face. I braced myself when Baralai's lips brushed mine. His mouth was soft, however, undemanding, light teasing presses against my upper lip, lower lip, upper lip again. My hand almost went up to stroke his face when-

"What in Spira are you doing here?"

I jumped up from the floor with a lightning speed, and fought to keep a blush from overcoming my face, with mixed success. Cid stood at the doorsill, looking at both of us with raised eyebrows. Several curses in Al Bhed cascaded from the Commsphere at the ceiling. I have totally forgotten they're watching us.

"Thanks, Cid." I said, walking past him and not looking back to see Baralai's expression. I knew too well that I'll never look at him the same way anymore.

I had to stop it - before we turn to each other's back, before his smile will just turn out to be a yesterday's memory.

****

The things we want to say the most are usually the hardest to say. It's obvious when you think about it. But that doesn't stop it from hurting.

Still, I shifted at my seat when I was waiting for Nooj to come out from the door and giving me the smile that once make me fell in love with him. The Youth League's conference room never looked so frightening before in my life.

"I see you're a brave one." A voice said from my back.

I turned around to look at Nooj. He looked even older now, with the thin lines beneath his eyes are showing under his glasses. I smiled when he plopped to the chair next to me.

"I've came to say goodbye."

He looked a bit taken aback.

"We never did it before, and I'm doing it now. Things have been crazy these past few years - just because I tried avoiding you."

"Don't you love me anymore?" He asked.

The word actually sounds weird when it came out of Nooj's mouth. I always thought that he considered love as the ultimate illusion, the concept a Deathseeker can never grasp. "Of course I love you, Nooj. But I'm not in love with you."

He raised his eyebrows. "Wait a minute. You loved me, but you're not in love with me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Love is what's left when being in love has gone, Nooj. It's when you care about someone and you hope they're happy, but you're not under any illusions about them.  Maybe that kind of love is not exciting and passionate and all those things that fade with time. All those things that you're keen on. But in the end it's the only kind of love that really matters."

Nooj shifted his gaze toward the balcony.

"I don't get it." He rose from his seat. "But this means that we're still friends, right?"

"That's one of the things that'll never change." I said, and offered my hand to him. He grabbed it, and pulled me to an embrace.

"Tell that lucky bastard," Nooj murmured to my ear, "I'll kill him if he made you cry."

I smiled at the words and said to his chest, "I'll be sure to inform him that."

He finally let go of me and I caressed his face before leaving the building. Yuna and Rikku is standing outside, and Yuna immediately gazed at me with an concerned look. "How did it go?"

"I was expecting a more tearful farewell," I told her. "But all's well ends well."

Before leaving, I gazed at Youth League's headquarters for the last time, and saw Nooj standing with Leblanc at the balcony. I never felt more relieved.

****

"It's Yunie!"

I was dragged to Yuna's concert before I was able to protest. Rikku leaned forward excitedly as Yuna appeared at the stage - her songstress dress sphere sparkling with what look like fairy lights, her hands tossed extravagantly in the air.

"How did you do it, Paine?"

I turned around to stare at Rikku. "How did I do what?"

"How do you manage to carry on after losing Nooj? I mean, you were with him for quite some time. I can't imagine what it must be like to try to fill a gap that big."

"Well, you don't get over it, of course. You can never get over it. I still miss him, even now."

I looked at the stage. Yuna was prowling the front of it with thunderous applause and showers of bouquet.  

"But," I said. "That's a part of it, isn't it?"

Rikku tilted her head. "Part of what?"

"Part of what it means to love someone. To really love someone. If you really love someone then you don't just see them as an extension of yourself. You don't just love them for what's in it for you."

I turned back to see the stage. Yuna is winking at her fans, blowing kisses to everybody she saw. "Love means knowing when to let go."

"Maybe that's your version of love." Rikku looked at the stage again, and this time she shook her head gently. "But I learned a lot from Yunie."

I looked at her, as if she's gonna morph in front of me, and I knew I'll always remember what she said that day. 

"Life without love means no life at all. If you find someone to love, then you should never let them slip away."

****

She should have said that to me years ago. Maybe that way I won't look so bitter, scowling at every couple I saw, or shaking my head off over some lover's quarrel. I once told Yuna that getting steady and breaking up is kids' stuff. Now I realized it's just a sarcastic comment from a bitter woman.

Finding Baralai isn't an easy task. Bevelle was my first destination of course. But the one I met is one of the bald priests, informing me that the praetor has 'gone on a vacation'. I went to Djose next, and found only the Al Bhed shaking his head.  He can't go to Bikanel or ride on a ship, I thought.

Maybe if I stop searching, I'll found him.

That's how I found myself retracing the steps of my escape from the Den of Woe, stopping only when I saw a figure sitting on the ledge in front of Mi'ihen Highroad's travel Agency, facing the sunset. His silver strands shimmered under the late sun's radiance, and I walked carefully to his back.

"Beautiful, but haunting."

He spun around, startled to see me standing next to him. "It's true what you said. We can't see the same sunset twice." He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again, and gave me one of his tender smiles he had known so well for. "Why did you follow me?"

"I need to know… who is the woman you mentioned back at Djose."

He stood up, brushing invincible dust from his green robe, and gaze at me. "I think-" he said, caressing my cheek and pulling me into a warm embrace, "I've found her."

People who want happy endings have to write their own… right?

THE END