Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Paint The Town ❯ The Ultimate Accessory ( Chapter 10 )

Paint the Town

The Ultimate Accessory

 

 

The door chimed as Sephiroth entered. A young woman with spiky, red hair looked up from the book she was reading at the counter. “We're closing in a short while, sir.”

 

Sephiroth nodded. “I'll only be a moment. I came to get him.” He pointed over to Zachary, who was leaning into the window display and making all kinds of cooing noises.

 

“Who's a cute puppy! You are. Yes, you are. Look at you, how chubby and wriggly and fuzzy you are! I could just snuggle you guys forever and ever, you cute, little balls of fluff, you!”

 

Sephiroth avoided the bright fish tanks and birdcages. He approached the man, fully intending to put an end to the trip and go home. Zack spun around grinning, with a black puppy in his arms. “You should get a pet!”

 

The General rubbed his forehead. “What need on the Planet do I have for a pet, Zachary? I barely have the time to care for an animal, even if I knew how.”

 

Zack frowned at him and secured his grip on the wriggling pup. “You never had pets as a kid? That sucks. I had a dog when I was little. Well, he was technically my dad's, but he followed me everywhere.” He bent over to put the pup back in the display with the others. “Man, I loved that dog. He was an old, shaggy, black mess of a mutt.”

 

Sephiroth wondered how much truth there was to the saying that dogs were like their owners.

 

“He weren't much brighter than a doorknob though,” Zack murmured. The General snorted. Zachary bounced back up with a fluffy, white puppy. “You should get a dog, sir. They're loyal and cuddly and smart and you'll always have someone who's happy to see you come home.”

 

Sephiroth made a small sound, almost a growl. “And what kind of dog would you recommend, Zachary?”

 

Zachary looked into the display and then held out the white pup he was holding. “How about this little guy? He's nice and fuzzy.”

 

“Meaning he'll shed a lot. I'd much rather not walk around with something that looks like a giant rat on a string anyway.”

 

Zack narrowed his eyes at the General and covered the puppy's ears. “Don't say that! You'll hurt his feelings!” He brought the pup up to his eye level. “You're okay, pup, you hear that? Don't mind that crazy soldier.” He put the puppy back down and scrambled around for another. “How about a poodle, Sir? I hear they don't shed much.”

 

Sephiroth was horrified. “I am certainly not going to walk around with a gay rat on a string!”

 

“Now that's just mean, Sephiroth.” Zack lunged at the yapping pups and scooped out a very tiny one for the General to see. “How about him?”

 

Sephiroth stared right into a pair of bulging eyes set in an oversized head on a spindly body. There truly were fewer dogs more naturally stunted and misshapen than a Chihuahua. The thing wriggled forward in Zack's hand, ready to take on the General with all of its six-inch might. Sephiroth edged backwards. “Zachary, that thing looks like it's on drugs.”

 

Zack put the puppy down with the others and studied his commanding officer. “Let me guess. You want a big, macho dog.”

 

“I don't recall saying I wanted a dog at all, Zachary.”

 

“Well, you didn't exactly say you didn't want one. What do you think you'd be into? Huskies? Sheepdogs?”

 

Sephiroth considered. Maybe if he got one that was vicious enough, he could train it to keep Zachary away. “A pinscher or a pitbull, perhaps.”

 

“Pitbull?” Zack looked at him, horrified. “Are you nuts? Those things kill people and eat the bodies afterwards.”

 

“Good.” Sephiroth folded his arms. “Saves me the trouble of corpse disposal.”

 

Zack stared at the man for a moment. “With all due respect, Sir, you're a sick bastard.” He reached into the display and patted as many of the squirming, yapping pups as he could reach. They he swung back up with a dark brown puppy in his hands. “Honestly, Sir, just hold one. Look, I think this one's a Labrador. They're really sweet. Just hold him for a second.” He walked over and thrust the chubby pup into Sephiroth's arms.

 

The General struggled to keep his grip on the wriggling thing. It was soft and very warm. And not overly fluffy. It looked up at him with big brown eyes and then craned its neck towards him, stretching to sniff him better. Sephiroth reared back a bit, unsure if he wanted a dog's wet nose on him. The pup whined a little and pedaled its feet. Slowly, it began to wag its tail.

 

Zack spotted something far away. “Hey, a kitten got loose! Here kitty, kitty!” He fled down the narrow aisle.

 

 

Sephiroth relaxed and the puppy nuzzled up to him. He jumped when the wet tongue touched his chin but then he realized it was not bad at all. The puppy was so soft and cuddly and willing to love. He adjusted his grip to cradle the little animal in his arms. It yapped at the surprise change in position and tried to paw his face. Sephiroth smiled down at the puppy without realizing it. The thing was sweet, just like the chocolate it was colored like.

 

Zack rounded the corner with a hissing ball of striped grey fur in his arms. “Look, Sir! I got the kitten!” Sephiroth tightened his grip on his puppy. There was no way he was trading a warm, loving puppy for a miniature tiger in grey. The kitten clawed at Zachary's shirt and meowed fiercely. Zack pulled it away with some difficulty and jostled it a bit. “Don't do that, kitty.” The feline protested loudly and began to kick, claws out.

 

Sephiroth looked down at the puppy. Chocolate was twisted around so he could chew the lapels of Sephiroth's coat. The General dislodged the pup with some effort. “No. Don't do that.” The puppy had the decency to look suitably chastened. Sephiroth smirked, thoroughly pleased. This one, at least, was trainable.

 

“You want a cat instead, Sir?” Zack held the squalling kitten out.

 

“No, thank you.” Sephiroth unconsciously tightened his grip on the puppy. “If I wanted to put up with an attitude like that from something living off my welfare, I'd have a child.”

 

“Heh, funny, Sephiroth.” Zack squished the kitten in a bear hug against his chest, paying no attention to how it cried. “Last I checked you need a woman for that and unless I missed something, you don't have one. I could help you with that, though.”

 

Sephiroth made a rude sound. “I don't need your help.” He went back to rubbing the puppy's belly. Little Chocolate was proving quite amusing. The General wondered exactly how hard it was to paper train a puppy. He would hate to find presents in his shoes.

 

“Pfft. Fine, be that way.” Zack announced with a hint of mock melodrama. “If you don't want my help, I'll just take kitty here and be on my way.”

 

“You're taking the cat?”

 

“Sure, why not?” Zack hoisted the yowling thing up. “He's a cute little guy. I'm going to take him home and pet him and feed him and call him `George'. You like that, George?” The kitten hissed and bared its fangs.

 

Sephiroth hid his laughter. “I don't think that kitten is a `George'.”

 

Zack considered it and held the thing up in front of his face. He paced back and forth, seemingly oblivious to the way the kitten was gearing up to scratch his nose off. “You're right. `George' is a really ordinary name. Cats always have that wise look. It's something in the eyes. Yeah, I see it now.” He grinned and tossed the kitten up in the air. The kitten howled and splayed in the air, preparing for a hard landing. Unfortunately, Zack caught it again. The kitten stared with wide yellow eyes and its tail whipped back and forth.

 

Zack did not recognize the signs. “You're a smart kitty. I think I'll call you `Noah' cuz you look like you know a lot.” He held the kitten back out to Sephiroth. “Don't you think he looks like a `Noah'?”

 

Sephiroth took a look, raising one eyebrow. “Actually, I think `he' looks like a `she'.”

 

“Really?” Zack yanked the kitten back so he could get a good look. “Hey, you're right! It is a girl!”

 

That was the final straw. The kitten lunged and swiped a paw against Zack's cheek. Zack howled and grabbed his face, dropping the little animal. The kitten landed softly and stared back up at the glow-eyed monsters above it. Sephiroth made a move to pick it up, with the intention of returning it to its cage, but the thing narrowed its eyes and hissed at him.

 

“Damn!” Zack rubbed at the scratches. They were not deep but they stung terribly. He made a move to follow the kitten but it hissed louder and fled down the aisle. “What the…?” Zack tried to follow but the kitten squeezed under a shelf. Zack huffed. “Fine! Be that way! I'll have you know I could have any other cat I want!”

 

Sephiroth glanced down at the pup he held. Chocolate looked from the soldier to the General with a quizzical expression. Sephiroth almost felt that the pup expected an explanation about Zachary's behavior. He jostled the puppy. “What else can you expect?” he asked it softly. “Zachary's an idiot.”

 

Zack looked up at the mention of his name but the General was occupied with pulling his fingers out of the puppy's mouth. The dark-haired soldier turned away. There were plenty of other options for pets in the store. Sephiroth began to follow him slowly after a while, always staying a few feet behind and not really paying attention to anything.

 

“Hmm, General, what do you think about fish?”

 

“Tasty.”

 

Zack snorted and tapped a nearby aquarium. The black and white fish flitted away, startled. “I mean as pets. Maybe I should get a fish.” Sephiroth did not bother answering. “These look nice. Angelfish. They got that angular look.” He moved on to another tank. “Guppies. Hmm…Nah, everybody has guppies. Goldfish too. Although…” He leaned in closer to press his face against the glass. “That one's got a nice tail. Hey, pretty girl, shake that thing in my direction.”

 

Sephiroth sighed and wandered away. Snakes and rabbits and parrots held little interest for him. He found himself staring at leashes and water dishes instead. The puppy stretched out and tried to latch on to a dangling rope toy. “Oh, you like that, do you?” Sephiroth pulled the pup away. “It's not yours yet, but give me a minute.”

 

“Hey, Sephiroth!” Zack called out. “You want a pet seahorse?”

 

“No, Zachary.”

 

“How about a mouse?”

 

Sephiroth considered it. He had enjoyed playing with lab mice as a child, but looking at them now always brought something unpleasant to mind. “No, Zachary. No mice.”

 

“You sure?” Zack hollered. “They're real cute.”

 

“Until they hit puberty.” Sephiroth mumbled and scratched the puppy's head. The thing kept trying to nip him. Rats bit too, but with worse intent.

 

“I got it!” Zack appeared around the corner with a green rock in his hand. “A pet turtle! A no-fuss pet and a legacy to leave my grandkids!”

 

Sephiroth squinted at the rock. “That's a turtle?”

 

Zack looked down at the little thing in his hand. “Yeah, but he's, you know, down in his shell.” He brought the thing up to his eyes. “Come on out, little turtle. Daddy wants to play.” The turtle did not move. Zack looked up at Sephiroth. “I guess he's shy.”

 

The turtle chose that moment to strike.

 

It lunged out and snapped on to Zack's nose. “Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit, Seph, ow, shitty shit! Aw, hell!” Zack hopped all around flapping his arms. “Get it off! Get it off!”

 

Sephiroth set the puppy down and leapt into action. He grabbed the turtle and pulled. It didn't work. All it did was make Zack scream as his nose was stretched to previously unimaginable lengths. “Cut that out! You're going to pull my nose off.”

 

Sephiroth let go of the turtle. “I was trying to help. Do you have any better ideas.”

 

The cashier sprang around the corner. “What's happening? What's going on?”

 

“Ah, good.” Sephiroth drew himself up and faced her. “We need your expertise. My brilliant friend has managed to get a turtle attached to his face. How do we remove it?”

 

The girl shrunk. “That's not good. Usually we just wait for them to let go.”

 

Zack whimpered. “How long does that take?”

 

The girl shrugged. “A few minutes. But one of the guys who works the morning shift had one stay on him for two hours once.”

 

Zack whimpered some more. “It really hurts,” he whined.

 

“That's what you get for messing with wild animals,” Sephiroth huffed.

 

“Pet shop turtles aren't wild,” Zack whined again.

 

“They're not really domesticated either,” Sephiroth snapped and reached into his coat. “I have a pocket knife. I can cut it off you.”

 

“NO!” Both Zack and the cashier yelled.

 

The girl shook her head wildly. “Sir, I can't allow you to harm the merchandise.”

 

Sephiroth grated his teeth. “Fine. I suppose I'll have to carve a sliver out of Zachary's nose then.”

 

Zack clapped both hands over his reddening, turtle-adorned snoot and backed away. “No way, man! You stay the hell away from my nose!”

 

“It can be sewn back, Zachary!” The General pulled out the right sized blade from his knife. “There have been some amazing advances in plastic surgery recently.”

 

Zack stumbled against a large birdcage, upsetting the parakeets within. “I said you stay away, damn it!”

 

“I agree, sir,” the cashier said, swallowing. She hid herself halfway behind the shelves of fish food and aquarium supplies. “No makeshift surgery in this shop.”

 

Sephiroth huffed and turned towards her. “What would you suggest we do then, Miss?”

 

“Wait it out.” The girl shook her head in Zachary's direction. “That's your best bet to avoid losing a chunk of your face. You're lucky that's a baby. A bigger one might have bitten right through you.”

 

Zack's eyes began to water. “Please, can't you get it off? I can't walk around with a turtle hanging off my face.”

 

Sephiroth sighed and put his pocket knife away. “There's nothing wrong with your legs, Zachary. You can walk. We'll wait it out. I don't want things to get any worse for you. I have some antiseptic and bandages in my apartment.”

 

“Thank you, sir. You really do care a little bit.” Zack's eyes flooded over, though it could have been from the pain.

 

“Care? I just don't want you crying to me about not being able to get a woman once your looks are spoiled. Come on, let's go.”

 

“Uh,” the cashier stopped them. “I can't let you just leave with store merchandise.”

 

Sephiroth sighed. “Fine. I'll buy the turtle.” He tried to ignore Zack's whimpering as the girl rang up the purchase. The General looked around the store while he waited for his change. He had a feeling he was forgetting something but Zack's moaning was making it hard to think.

 

They were out the door and halfway across the street when the turtle decided to let go. “Ooh! Ah!” Zack yipped as the thing fell. He dropped the coat he had been using to hide his face. Sephiroth bent down to retrieve the turtle but the coat got in the way.

 

“Don't move, Zachary,” he ordered, but it was too late. Zack was already hopping around and waving air onto the stinging bite mark on his face. Sephiroth scrambled around at his Second's feet, trying to retrieve the turtle before the man stepped on it. The light turned green but the cars did not move. Nobody dared honk a horn at the General. Most of the drivers were too busy watching the show anyway. “I said don't move!” Sephiroth said firmly. He reached out at the sight of the shell and was just a half-second too late. One wild kick from Zachary sent the little turtle spinning across the street and into the storm drain.

 

Sephiroth stood, staring at the way the thing had gone. “You've done it now.”

 

“Done what?” Zachary looked up from rubbing his sore nose. “Where's the turtle?”

 

“Swimming through the Midgar drainage system.” Sephiroth sighed and marched away. Zack followed, bewildered.

 

“Oh nuts, I didn't mean for that to happen.” His voice was taking on the slightest tone of a wail again. “There's all kinds of crap down there. What's going to happen to him?” He knelt down on the sidewalk and hung his head over to peer into the drain.

 

Sephiroth turned around when he did not sense the man following him. “Zachary, get up. The turtle is gone. There's nothing you can do.”

 

Zack got slowly to his feet and resumed following, though he threw sad backward glances at the ground. “Poor little guy. He's so tiny. He's going to get eaten by alligators for sure.”

 

“The alligators are just an urban legend, Zachary.” Sephiroth started towards the Shinra Tower. “And you should have been thinking about the turtle's welfare before you even picked it up.” He glanced back at the pet shop in the distance. The sign in the door flipped over to `closed'. Sephiroth frowned. His arms felt oddly empty. Then he remembered why.

 

“What's the matter, sir?” Zack rubbed his nose and tried to see what had caught his commander's attention.

 

“I wanted Chocolate.”

 

“Oh, well, you can get chocolate anywhere.”

 

Sephiroth turned around to explain but stopped when he saw Zachary examining his hand for possible traces of blood from the bite wound. The General sighed and turned away.

 

“What's wrong now, Sir?”

 

“Nothing.” Sephiroth kept walking. He spared one more look back at the pet shop and made a note to return when it was open.

 

**************************

Time: 5 hrs 38 mins.

Music: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python's `Life of Brian'

Notes: And that is the origin of the Aps monster! XD This is my gift to Noacat, who always makes me smile. On a side note, I have a turtle. He really does bite like that.