Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Promise to love again ❯ Promise to love again ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Final Fantasy VIII, Squaresoft does. This story is from my head!

Warning: Spoilers if you have never played the game. Mild language, Original character death, Shounen-ai.

Pairing: Squall x Zell

Rating: R - Later will become be a lemon

Dedication: This story is for my dearest friend (Moggies) who loves Zell and Squall as much as I do. Thanks for caring and being there.

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Brilliant blue eyes watched intently as the blue dragon cast death upon him. He smirked to himself, fool; he had one hundred death magic junctioned to his status defence. The angel of death appeared with his scythe slashing towards him. Zell felt the darkness wrap around him, closing in on him then seep through his body. Zell shivered hating this feeling even when it had no affect on him. He has tasted death many times and it was a feeling he would never get used to.

Bouncing on the heel of his feet, his fist raised and his eyes trained on the target he ran forward like a ball of flame. Ifrit gave him extra strength and he used it to his advantage as his body flew in the air his fists and feet striking like lightning, hitting the target with successive blows. He was golden light with streaks of blue, red and black; his tattoo seemed to glow as he finally gave the death blow to the blue dragon.

His team mates sighed with relief and jumped in the air. It was their first real fight against a high level monster.

Zell nodded at them his thoughts on his home. His second home, the garden. He was getting married. Zell to Alexis. He smiled sadly at this, he loved her but…Forget it Zell just forget it.

He looked around him. The island Closest to Heaven was one of the most dangerous training ground for any seed but it was also the best place to pick up rare items to upgrade their weapons. He sighed missing his friends they were all split up on different missions.

Commander Squall was in Esthar, Selphie and Irvine were in Trabia, of course, Rinoa in Deling as she had finally become a fully-fledged seed. As for Quistis she was the new Head mistress, Squall had turned it down and Zell was glad.

"Captain there is a call coming through for you, it is urgent sir."

Zell nodded. He still found it hard to believe that he was a Captain now. He did not want the promotion but Squall pestered him until he got fed up with hearing his friend going on about it. Smiling he put the headphones on. "Quistis?"

"Zell, the Ragnarok will be picking you up at 1600 hours."

Zell frowned looking down at his watch, "That is five minute's away. Wassup?"

"I will inform you once you arrive back at the garden. Come straight to my office Zell."

"Sure." Whatever was going on it sounded official. He looked up as the Ragnarok began to land. "I'll be there soon, my ride has just arrived."

"Good. Seifer will be taking charge of this mission. I will see you in ten Zell. Bye."

Quistis never changed, she was still abrupt and to the point. Shrugging he headed to their tent and began to pack what little gear he had. He turned to the seed standing beside him; "Aiden Seifer is the Captain for this mission now I am needed back at the Garden."

"Yes sir."

Zell rolled his eyes. "Give it a rest man. Geez."

Aiden grinned he liked Zell, they all did. He was a likeable person besides being one of the famous six. "Yes sir!"

Walking towards the Ragnarok Zell ignored him and smiled as a tall blonde disembarked. "Hey DH!"

"Hi Zell." Seifer stopped in front of him looking thoughtful.

Staring back at him Zell's eyes widened. "Ya not feeling well Seifer?"

"Sorry, I mean CW."

Angling his head Zell could see that something was wrong and it was making him nervous. "Seifer what is going on?"

Seifer stiffened shaking his head, "there is nothing going on, I am just tired. Quistis has told me what is going on here; you are to report to the headmistress the moment you arrive. I suggest you leave now."

Zell's heart was beating faster than normal. "Alright. Good luck with the mission I will catch with ya later." Something was wrong. Was it his Ma? He began running to the Ragnarok trying to calm himself down as he could feel panic rising in his chest.

Seifer watched the petite blonde and wished that Squall was back at the garden but it could not be help. "My thoughts are with you Zell, even though you won't believe it, my thoughts go with you." He turned seeing a raven haired male saluting him. He smirked at this. Am I going to have fun here or what.

Zell settled himself on the ship but was unable to sit still and began to jab at the air in front of him the other seeds looking at him nervously. What the fuck is wrong with everyone? Have I done something that I shouldn't have? The mission was okay, boring but okay. No one had died, though on this type of mission it was a possibility. Even Seifer was acting weird, mind you he is weird. Zell grinned at this.

"We have arrived sir.'

Picking up his gear Zell smiled warily then began to jog of the ship. As soon as he entered garden there was no stopping him. His curiosity was aroused. He ran to the elevator banging on the button, dread running through him. Something was very wrong. He felt it the moment he entered the garden. Upon reaching the headmistress door he knocked and walked in.

"Alright Quisty what is going on?"

Standing up Quistis paled gripping her hands together tightly. "Zell it is bad news I am afraid."

Zell felt a sharp pain in the pit of his stomach, the colour draining from his face as he swallowed hard. "What is it?"

Quistis walked towards him slowly and watched as he flinched stepping backwards.

"Just tell me what the HELL IS GOING ON QUISTY!" He did not mean to yell but he was frightened. Fear gripping him by the throat.

"It is Alexis Zell; she was hurt badly while she was on a mission."

He dropped his bags on the ground his body tense. Alexis. He felt dizzy but shook his head. "Where is she?"

"She is in the infirmary with Doctor Kadowaki."

Without another word Zell opened the door ready to step out.

"Zell she has a choice." Quisty held her head high. This was one part of her job that she hated doing, especially when it involved her friends.

Dull blue eyes looked at her coolly his voice just as dull, "What do ya mean choice?"

Quistis stepped towards him again but stopped as soon as he put up his hand to stop her. "Don't come near me Quisty…please."

She nodded with understanding, she did not like the way Zell was handling it. "Alexis has a choice to live or die Zell…"

His eyes flashing with anger he snapped coldly, "What the hell are ya talking about? No choice is needed she will live of course!"

Quistis shook her head, "it is not as simple as that Zell. If she lives she will never be the same again. Alexis was severely wounded, she was attacked by a Ruby Dragon and has extensive burns to her body from its fire breath attack, she was then attacked by its tail…"

Oh my God! Alexis baby. "Take me too her now!" As far as he was concerned they were wasting valuable time. He will know the moment he sees her what the decision will be. He knew in his heart that it was not his too make, it would be hers in the end. He followed Quistis neither one speaking. He thanked Hyne that she was not the type that wanted to hug and hold him because it was the last thing he wanted.

The walk to the infirmary felt like it was miles away, as he felt and saw nothing. Strange really he was not even aware of how he arrived there. His heart thudded heavily against his chest and kept calm as Doctor Kadowaki looked at him. "Well Doc?"

"Go in Zell but I must warn you she is sever…"

"Save it Doc, Quisty already told me." He was like a statue not wanting any emotion to touch him yet.

Looking at him shrewdly she beckoned for him to enter the patient's room. "She is waiting for you."

Taking a deep breath Zell forced a smile on his face and entered Alexis room. He wanted to hit something when he saw her. His fiancée was lying there, her flesh burnt red and peeling, her face was twisted in pain, and what he could see of her body…He swallowed; it looked like something had taken a big bite out of her. Zell bit his lip and took a deep breath. Be strong for her Zell; don't make it hard for her.

He placed a smile on his face and walked towards her saying softly, "Hey baby."

Green eyes gazed at him, pain lurking in the emerald depths. "Z-e-l-l." Her tears began to fall so relieved to see him. "Zell I am scared."

He rushed to her side grabbing her free hand and cooed as she winced with pain, "I am sorry baby."

"Don't be sorry Zell." She tried to smile but cried instead, saying almost a whisper, "The pain is so great Zell. Doctor Kadowaki has tried everything to heal me, but there is not enough tissue in my body to…to--"

He hardened his heart against himself. It was not about him, it was about her. "What do you want to do Alexis?"

"Even if she heals me and there is no guarantee that she can, my time would be limited and I will forever be in pain and will need 24 hour nursing." She squeezed his hand lightly. "You know how independent I am, I could not stand it Zell, it is not my way."

His emotions he buried deep inside of him. She was asking him to let her go. His thoughts were strangling him. I did not love her enough. I only half loved her and this is my punishment. Hyne knows I tried to love her fully but…but he couldn't and now she was dying.

He closed his eyes burying his tears and opened them again. She was asking for his permission to die. He wanted to scream out NO! Every fibre in his being was saying NO!

Instead he leant forward and kissed her pale lips, his thumb caressing her hand tenderly. He then put his mouth close to her ear whispering, "Baby I love you and I want you to be free."

His heart missed a beat as she smiled at him, her green depths full of love for him. She was so beautiful and she was going to leave him.

"I love you Zell, never once did you ever make me feel sad…not once. Thank you for being strong for me Zell." She began to cry again knowing the pain she was putting him through. Better to end it now then later. "Promise me Zell that you will open yourself to be loved again. Promise me now."

He shrugged. "Sure."

"Zell?!"

Zell half smiled, "I promise Alexis."

She nodded as tiredness rushed through her body, she could feel her spirit slowly leaving her body. She tried not to panic wanting to yell out, I want to live! Instead she whispered only for her lovers ears, "Hold me Zell, hold me until I am free."

Hopping on the bed beside her they both ignored the awkwardness of Zell trying to hold her without hurting her, in the end she wrapped her arms around his waist, ignoring the pain and laid her head on his chest. The sound of his heartbeat bringing her peace as darkness seeped through her body. She sighed as a bright light shone in front of her, beckoning her to come forward. She laughed gaily and looked behind her, staring at the beautiful male with golden hair and sky blue eyes. I am free.

Zell felt the tears running down his cheek, her body so lifeless in his arms. He shook his head refusing to let her go as he rocked her body back and forth. "Alexis you are free baby."

Doctor Kadowaki walked in the droning sound of the heart beat monitor letting her know that the patient was dead. She was used to this situation but when she looked at Zell she knew it had affected him more than he was willing to show. She just hoped that his friends would be able to help him through this, it was a shame that most of them were on missions because whether he wanted to believe it or not, Zell needed them.

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Quistis requested for Squall to return and would send the Ragnarok when he was ready. She had told him what had happened and it was Squall who said that he wanted to return now. She smiled to herself. He had changed especially towards Zell; there friendship had blossomed even more since the death of Ultimecia two years ago. A closeness between the young teenagers that surprised them all.

Squall was ice and Zell was fire. One was the moon the other was the sun. One was winter the other was summer. Complete opposites and inseparable when they were together.

She did not tell Squall the real reason she had requested for him to come back to base. Zell was like a zombie since Alexis death and even when they buried her he had not cried or shown any emotion. He just walked around like a lost child, only eating when she made him eat something. "Hurry back Squall, Zell needs you."

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With impatience Squall watched as they loaded the ship tapping his foot. Laguna smiled to himself, his son will never change but at least there relationship was smoother than what it had been. There was a lot of bitterness on Squall's part but Laguna understood why. With the help of his two friends, Kiros and Ward they made it easier for the father and son to bond.

As the crew loaded the last of the Rosetta stones, Moonstones and other rare items, Squall sighed, "Thank bloody Hyne." He turned to his father and his friends. "I will come back as soon as I can." He smiled softly, "I will bring Zell with me."

Laguna watched his son carefully. It was the way Squall had smiled. It was almost…

"Dad?"

Laguna shook himself. "Sorry I was--"

"In dreamland again." Kiros smiled and patted his friend on the shoulder. "We are used to you now."

He ignored him. "Zell is more than welcome to come here. This place needs a bit of livening up especially since the people around me are always serious."

Kiros arched an eyebrow. "We have to with you around. Don't we Ward."

The big man nodded rolling his eyes.

Squall smiled to himself. His father would be alright and Zell needed him. To be honest he missed Zell terribly and thought of him often. He missed him more than he missed Rinoa. Come on Squall the sooner you say goodbye the sooner you will see him. He nodded to the three men saying coolly, "Bye." He waved once and headed inside the ship.

The three older men looked at one another shrugging there shoulders. Kiros smiled at his friend, "At least he said bye this time." They all laughed shaking there heads. Squall was Squall and they wouldn't change him for anything.

He walked around the ship as it brought back memories. Memories of how he had rescued Rinoa from the deep dark space. How they shared a moment with one another, when he admitted that he had loved her to himself. He sat down and leaned his arms on his legs his head bowed. Something had changed inside of him since then and it started when they were fighting against Ultimecia. She had chosen him, Rinoa and Zell. When they were fighting the third battle against Ultimecia junctioned with Griever both Zell and Rinoa had fallen. And all he thought of was bringing Zell back to life, the pain he felt when he saw the petite blond lying there lifeless and unmoving. It was a desecration to the energetic spirit of Zell that Squall would neither accept nor condone. His next action was to give him full life and felt the happiness rush through him as Zell came to life and began to bounce on the heel of his feet.

No one said anything about that moment, no one. But Squall always thought about it. He thought about that and the moment Zell had told him he was going to marry Alexis. He was happy for his friend really happy but he could never explain the tension he would get every time she hugged or touched Zell. And he was not sure if he was ready to understand now either.

Zell needed him as a friend, and as Hyne is his witness he will be there for him.

TBC