Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Purgatory ❯ Two of Us ( Chapter 6 )

No one in this world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful

Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful

--They Might Be Giants

You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you just might find

You get what you need

--The Rolling Stones

In the blinding blur of petals and light two souls had lost themselves. Both straying out of time and mind, lost to the oblivion of pure emotion without the natural inhibitions that had held them back in life. They were blissfully unaware of anything beyond their own formless spirits. From the self same nothingness came opalescent energy as the lifestream began to reform their bodies from the tagged remembrances of the planet. To the souls they bound, this meant nothing, ignoring the returning life in favor of the sweet succor of the newly found wholeness they'd gained in their short time here. Neither wanted to separate and it was with great difficulty that the lifestream drew the intertwined souls apart, funneling them back into their bodies.

For the one who was once called Aeris, she was barely aware of her slowly waking body. Her mind focused only on keeping her within the unfathomable abyss between life and death, where she felt complete and at peace. She waved off the cold reality that beat behind the walls of her consciousness but it came for her all the same. Sending waves of memory, as if to awaken some sleeping part of her. But she wanted to remain in this pleasant slumber, recumbent in the ether. Soul surrounded by her... guardian...yes, that is what this other soul was. The life that was returning to her did not matter. It was nothing, only a corporeal shell. A prison of flesh and bone. A mortal body was something so childish, so naive and wanting. It was a ridiculous parody of her wandering spirit, devoid of the oneness that pervaded her in this perfect existence. Life as it was meant to be. In the world of the living, she'd be alone again. Even if a hundred people surrounded her, she'd be alone. For truly, all humans are alone within themselves. No matter how much you wish to share, how much you know of another person and they of you. There are always things you keep back, that are too vague and unexplainable for anyone other than yourself to understand. Each human is an island unto itself and it was this isolation she ran from.

Still encased in the river of light, all she knew was the warmth that surrounded her. The feeling of complete and utter contentment was all too encompassing to interrupt with meaningless thought. She was in repose, her mind was calm and there was nothing for her to worry about. For once in her life she felt as if she belonged somewhere. The only nagging thought was that she'd be pulled from this. Yet somehow, she wasn't concerned overmuch. Trusting that somehow this feeling would never end. A whisper from the planet confirmed this. Yes, from this day forward she'd never be alone.

All her life she'd been set apart, made to feel different because of what she was. Even amongst her friends, who accepted her despite, or perhaps because of, the quirkiness of her behavior. She knew they found her mysterious, yet they trusted her but she knew that they rarely understood her. In truth, even if she were to have explained herself fully, they'd never be able to comprehend. Their minds were too small and disconnected to understand the power from which she drew her strength. Even the one she'd loved most of all, his experiences in life did not prepare him to fathom the isolation, the loneliness of her existence. She was the last of her kind. Perhaps the red lion would have understood, but though he did not know it yet, he was hardly the last of his kind. How could she explain to them what it meant to be Cetra? The unique mysteries, the power, the voice of the planet and her ancestors, to do so would mean she'd label herself crazy in their eyes. Words were useless and could not explain how she felt and really, how could she explain, when she barely knew herself?

And now, she felt as if there was at last someone who'd appreciate those rattling feelings of separation. Though she didn't know his name or even what he looked like, she felt as if he understood. This assigned guardian, the one whose soul was interwoven with her own. She could feel the same confusion and awkwardness that she'd always felt. Both of them had never known where they belonged, until this moment. Intrinsically, she knew, as did he, that it didn't matter where they were, not anymore. As long as they were together, all was right with the world. There was the low desire to stay as close as they were now but neither could help the inevitable separation of their spirits.

It pained Aeris but she enjoyed the time she had left. Always there was the delightful ambiguity of his emotions--like the shifting rainbow after a storm; they drifted gently through the scattered mist. It was so hard to pin him down and she diverted her thoughts to chasing after him. A pleasant game that kept her amused and relaxed, knowing that this dreamtime would soon end. She wondered briefly if he enjoyed it as much as she did. Not like she could really tell, he held his emotions so close to his heart. Though she surmised that he did because despite his aloofness, she felt an incredible amount of warmth emanating from his spiritual form. It seemed to her that he'd never cared for anyone before or at least not with as much depth. Like he had saved up all his care for this moment, to spend it all on her. This feeling continued and she wished it would never end. She sighed, finally content within this world of non-corporeal unreality.

Her senses dawned and the soft comfort of the lifestream abated, pulling her from the ether and into the world. All the while, her mind tried to remain behind, dragging her metaphorical feet and holding onto the door in a desperate effort to stop the unavoidable. She could not stay within the lifestream, she did not belong but the dreamtime was too comfortable. Aeris now hovered firmly between her dreams and consciousness, the cold hard reality of the world pushing at the supple fabric of her imaginings. As she awoke, she wondered if she were still dreaming or if she were really alive at all. She had expected the world to somehow be colder, more unforgiving in comparison with the peace she'd felt in the lifestream. So she was suitably confused at the warmth that surrounded her, how surprisingly safe it made her feel. It was strange but she could almost feel as if...as if...

Gradually, the muted sounds of the world reached the dream she was wrapped in and reluctantly, her mind began to wake. She took her time, wanting to savor every sensation she felt. Because as her awareness of the world came, so did she acknowledge that she might never feel this at peace again. Wrapping her mind around the fragments of a dream to hold back encroaching reality. She'd had lovely dreams like this before. A tiny smile appeared on her lips, as she let herself fall into one of her favorite daydreams of waking up in the arms of the one she loved.

She could feel his arms around her, so strong, it made her feel so small but at the same time it left her feeling secure and cared for. Shivering with pleasure, she curled into the embrace, resting her head on his chest. If she concentrated she could hear the soft thudding of his heart. The slow, rhythmic beat was like music and she was entranced by the subtle reality of it. Was this a dream? It seemed too real to be...It had to be. Feeling so much like the scattered daydreams she'd constructed in Elysium. They were always of Cloud and always terribly romantic. Waking up in his arms was one of many themes...but they'd always ended and they never felt so...tangible.

Her smile widened, perhaps her dreams had come true. That by some mystic force she had granted her own wish. She snuggled closer, wanting to immerse herself further into the warm feeling that ran through her body like wildfire. Aeris breathed in deeply, letting out a contented sigh. Yes, this couldn't be a dream. For dreams had no smell, no feel, and any sound heard was only a simulacrum of the real thing. She could hear his heart, feel the warmth of his body, and smell the clean, pure masculine scent of him. If she could touch him, then there'd be no denying the truth. And with a secret smile, she reached her hand up. Fingers trailing over his chest, enjoying the luxurious feel of his body underneath his clothes. She was searching for his face, gods how she wanted to touch it. To trace the curves she'd memorized for three long years. This couldn't be a dream. She couldn't bear it if it was.

She'd had enough of dreams. They were mere folly to fool her heart. She wanted this to be real more than anything. For so many years she'd dreamed of sun kissed hair and blue eyes, and she prayed that if she were to wake now, she'd be gazing into that face. Completely ignoring that pessimistic voice in the back of her mind that nagged at her. It informed her of duties she longed to forget and the fact that she'd never see the one person she wanted to see. That it was forbidden and her mission wouldn't permit it. She denied that voice, pushed it aside and quieted all other thoughts with dreams of love.

Though the image of the one she loved shifted and it became difficult for her to properly envision his face. It had once been so easy and now there was desperation in her to confirm that her hopes had translated into reality. The pessimistic voice chuckled at this, asking her if really mattered all that much. It certainly hadn't in the lifestream...it told her...It isn't Cloud who holds you--you must know that. Again, she quieted it mercilessly, allowing herself to believe whatever lie her heart told her.

Her hand moved upwards, and she reached out blindly as she neared his neck. Her fingers stretched out, catching on something soft that tangled around them. Curious, she twined it around her finger; it felt like strands of long silken thread. The smile she had on her face faded and turned to a slight frown. She smoothed it with her fingertips, enjoying the texture and yet she couldn't help but be perplexed. Hair...it was hair, and long hair at that. Aeris made a small, annoyed grunt at being presented with such riddles upon first waking. Cloud's hair wasn't this long...What in the...?

Scrunching up her face, she forced her eyes open and blinking lazily, she focused on her hand. Reality had finally broken the dream apart with a mystery that could only be solved by looking at it. She was still twirling the silken strands through her fingers. Stopping the motion to examine what she held in her hand. Silver...or was it white? Aeris scowled, she was too tired for nonsense like this. The hair was silver in color...silver...She concentrated, why did that seem so familiar? Who did she know with long, silver...Her mind turned and as it turned, slowly...all too slowly...things fell into place.

A lump formed in the back into her throat as visions of her death filled her eyes. Please god...let it not be him....Any comfort she'd felt drained from her and she froze in place, unable to think of what to do. Escape was all she thought of but how to do it? He was still deeply asleep. She could tell by the slow way his chest moved up and down, each long breath running smoothly into the next. Carefully, she extracted herself from his grasp, holding her breath the entire time. Just barely, she beat back the urge to cry, terrified that it would be enough to wake him. Her mind imagining those eyes opening as they had in the strange plain she'd found him in before. She was careful enough and had successfully crawled from the embrace she'd enjoyed before to sit near him, staring down at his prone body.

"Please, let it not be him..." she whispered it like a protective prayer, a spell to ward against evil.

In an eerie mirror of her previous thoughts, Aeris had a morbid desire to see his face. There was a part of her who hoped that it wasn't him but realistically, she knew. His gray cloak still covered his face; long strands of his hair had escaped it, slipping out into plain view. She tried to calm her racing heart and was annoyed with herself when she reached out, only to find her hands shaking. Taking a long, calming breath, she forced herself to stop trembling. Clenching and unclenching her fists to work out the tension she felt racing through her body. Closing her eyes, she took another long breath before opening them with purpose. She reached out her hand, moving closer to that which she feared most. As she closed the gap between them, she held her breath unconsciously. Watching as her hand grasped a piece of the gray fabric, holding it between thumb and forefinger as if were something disgusting or unpleasant to the touch. With deliberate slowness, she pulled it back, swallowing hard as time ticked by.

Every minute that followed seemed like a year, so much time and yet too little. Her brow knit in worry as she feared at any moment he'd wake up and grab her hand and then...She shook her head to rid herself of the thought. The hood dropped and she swallowed-- hard--the back of her throat was so dry. Once the hood fell back, what was revealed beneath it was a tousled mass of silver hair. If she had it in her, she'd laugh at the terrible disarray, his hair pooled messily behind him, stray strands sticking out at odd angles. Looking very much like dappled moonlight on the rippling surface of a lake, beautiful yet fragmented. He had bed head. She stifled a nervous laugh at the thought, oddly amused that even he was subject to the petty annoyances that plagued everyone else. Though his face wasn't entirely hidden from view, it was obscured greatly by the gentle fall of his hair. Long tendrils of silver draped over his pallid face, his lips and nose poking out from beneath the tangled locks. She inhaled shakily, her face contorted in fearful pain. Gods above, she didn't want to do this.

The more logical side of her brain told her that this was enough but damn her persistent curiosity. For reasons known only to a buried part of her psyche, she had to see his face. Wanted to, almost as much as she had wanted to see Cloud's. Though the identity of the person who lay nearby wasn't nearly so comforting as the thought of her former bodyguard. All the same, something in her needed to confirm what she already knew to be true. Finding some hidden reserve of calm, she carefully pushed aside his long bangs to reveal his face. She let out a low moan as she stared at the visage of terror in human form. It was him. God damn it all, it was him.

Why? What was he doing here? Her hand lingered above his temple as she thought, too paralyzed by her own fearful pondering to move. She bit her lip as she choked back a cry. The tears were so close now. Why him? Gods...Why? Looking around helplessly, she noticed for the first time where she was. The altar in the Forgotten City. The Knowlespole her people had called it. She was here...with him....Shaking her head, Aeris fought the oncoming hysteria. Her mind was in panic-stricken denial. This couldn't be real. It had to be some kind of nightmare, because it was just too cruel to be real. She drew her hand back, face a complete blank as her gaze shifted to the floor. One of his hands lay near her lap, the sleeve of his tunic had pulled back and wrapped around his wrist was a string of prayer beads. Her eyes moved from the floor to this little detail, and confusion flickered on her features. The beads he wore 'round his wrist were made of ruby red jade, a tiny ornamental angel dangled from the large connecting bead. She reached out a hand to touch the angel as it rested on the pulse point of his wrist, her tiny wings outstretched over his pale skin.

Her mother's words rushed back to her and her eyes widened in horror. Those beads are a test of faith. He who brings them to you is your intended...."No." she whispered, shaking her head in abject denial as tears spilled down her cheeks in large, unrelenting rivulets. "NoNoNoNoNo...."

But she couldn't deny reality, no matter how hard she tried. This man was her guardian. Moreover, she had unknowingly accepted this bond. Those feelings from their time in the lifestream had lingered and it sickened her to remember them. To know that she'd felt comforted by that thing, that they'd been so close and she had actually believed he could understand her. That she'd actually enjoyed being in his arms, she'd felt safe...no, she had been dreaming. She had been dreaming of Cloud, had thought she was in his arms...but she knew that was a lie. As much as she'd tried to convince herself it was her former bodyguard, there had been the nagging doubt that it was not and a part of her hadn't minded.

"NO!", her interior voice screamed, denying the already confusing set of emotions that ran through her at that moment.

She realized that her hand still lay on his wrist and she snatched it away. Away, she had to get away. She panicked and did the only thing her reeling mind could think to do. On pure instinct she propelled herself backwards, with such force that she slammed into the wall behind her with a hard thump. The pain in her back didn't register; the ache of her heart was such that all else was trivial in comparison.

Why would they do this? Set the both of them here, in this place. Laid them on the very same altar where she'd willingly given up her life. They let her embrace her murderer, a blasphemy of her sacrifice and all she'd given for that bit of martyrdom. Why, what in the world would possess the planet, much less her own mother, to allow this to happen? Now she understood why her mother had been so vague. Why her guardian's face had remained covered. Because if she'd known who it was, she'd have refused outright but they needed her, so they obfuscated the truth. Never in her life had she been so angry or so miserable. Even when she knew she was going to die.

In the cavernous cathedral, she let out a low wail. It started quietly--barely audible unless you were close, but gradually it increased in volume. The sound was eerie, echoing in the vacant city like the whistling of a teakettle. Her voice hitched and she sucked air, upon releasing the breath, her wail had become a furious scream. She titled her head back, letting the scream peter out as her tears rushed down her cheeks. It was as if a damn had burst and the sounds of her tormented sobs reverberated through the city...into the very heart of the planet.

Unbeknownst to her, sudden torrential downpours popped up all over the world. From the tiny hamlets in Wutai, who welcomed the rain as it nourished their rice fields. To ever sunny Costa Del Sol, where it was generally regarded as a nuisance. Even the ruins of Midgar were drenched, its few inhabitants cursing their bad luck to live in such a miserable place. The storms seemed to stem from the north and quickly covered the earth in its rain soaked veil. Leaving its drenched inhabitants gaping at the sky in wonder, not knowing it was merely the planet reacting to the sorrow its tenyo felt.

Aeris hardly cared about how loud she might be, didn't care about anything else but the grievous pain she felt in her heart. She drew her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her arms. Time had lost all meaning and she let her sobs overwhelm her, wracking her body violently with every shaking cry that escaped her lips. Eventually the torrent of tears ebbed as her strength waned. Her breathing was still uneven and often hitched, punctuated by the occasional soft sob or sniffle. With a tremulous sigh, she attempted to gain a measure of control over her emotions, which were in utter chaos.

Her eyes moved to the man who'd introduced said chaos. Staring at him guardedly behind her folded arms, she let a well of anger boil within her. How could he just lay there so peacefully? Looking so damned innocent. Had her mother really known? For the first time since her revival, she reached out to the planet for answers. Closing her eyes, she sought and soon found its well of power, and wordlessly she implored it to speak with her. A soft hum answered back, its myriad voices singing with quiet joy upon feeling her presence. It sent to her a million feelings, all filled with color, light and sound, and willingly, she let the planet's happiness at her return run through her. She couldn't help but smile at the almost childlike glee in the planet's greeting. It had missed her and she had missed it, more than she even realized. She sent this thought back to it and with an equal sense of joy upon speaking with her oldest friend.

For the last three years, she'd felt so empty and had never comprehended why that might be. Her mother had said that the Promised Land had a habit of making one forget things. Elysium was a realm of pure happiness and in order to enjoy it, one had to forget the sorrow of one's life. You had to let go of mortal whim and the way that was done was by erasing your memories. Aeris had resisted but paradise had taken her memories despite her struggle to remember. She wondered how much more she'd forgotten. What other memories had Elysium spirited away in an effort to assimilate her into its reality? Her kinship with the planet must have been the first thing it had taken. For it was her strongest bond to her former life, other than Cloud--who she'd been too stubborn to forget. Aeris felt a little guilty that she had so easily pushed her best friend from her thoughts and allowed it to be forgotten.

The planet had always been there for her, buoying her up when she became depressed or overwhelmed by her duty. When she was uncertain, it would rush to her aid and show her the way. When she was tired, it would give her a bit of its own energy to sustain her. Always, it had cared for her. Eschewing its own pain, becoming a limitless source of optimism and a beacon of light, that led her from dark thoughts and unpleasant nightmares. It had been her constant and most loyal companion. In many ways, she had leaned on it more than anyone. Trusted it more implicitly. Though now she was filled with doubt because she wondered if all that time, had it been only using her? Not only had it lied to her about her duty, let her give her life for a task that wasn't her own...but now, it had allowed her murderer to become her guardian. And once again, it had remained silent the entire time. She tried to stem her fury, but was miserably unsuccessful. It rippled through their connection and she winced when she felt the planet recoil from the strength of the emotion. She didn't mean to second-guess her friend, but she had to admit, it did look awfully bad.

"We know what you feel." the planet sang, its voice a vast array of melodies and tones, "We understand and we never meant to deceive you. We thought it easier that you did not know...we were wrong and we are sorry, Lady Aeris."

Aeris was startled for a moment at the almost formal tone of the planet. It had always spoken more archaically than she'd liked, but it had never referred to her that way. There almost seemed to be deference in its manner, as if she was greater than it. Which was ridiculous, the planet was older and far wiser than she.

She regained enough composure to stutter out a response, "W-why....why didn't you tell me about all of it and why him?"

"These are questions we are unable to answer. We were only concerned with the return of our favorite daughter. We chose you as our protector...our Tenyo...to receive the blessing of all creation. The selection of your guardian was not up to us. It would be best if you asked your mother...she is the agent of heaven that vouched for you both."

"My mother?"

"Yes. She was the one who worked hard for this one's release." the planet replied, its voices indicating that it spoke of Sephiroth, but entirely unwilling to speak his name. Aeris was unsure if it was out of fear or something else. "She also spoke well for you...the powers that be have been very resistant to our call. Without your mother, we think you would not be here at all. As for this one...We felt no malice in her decision, so we did not object."

"What?!! He tried to KILL you! HE KILLED ME! WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINK--"

The planet cut her off harshly, "My lady, this one is no longer the vessel of the crisis. If we felt him to be a threat, we would not allow his return..."

"He doesn't deserve to return..." Aeris retorted, feeling decidedly petulant and stubborn.

"The powers that be have disagreed..." and as the planet said this, there was a hint of confusion and distrust. Aeris was annoyed at first, thinking the feelings directed at herself but slowly she realized this was not so. It vaguely hinted to her that the very powers it just spoke of might not be entirely trustworthy, but it never said as much. After a pause, the planet continued, its voices wary with concern, "We ask you to be careful, Lady Aeris. We feel great darkness forming from within the light and all of it is laying its finger upon you. Terrible danger looms...I fear to death."

Aeris was still befuddled by the planet's words. Thinking it aggravating that it didn't tell her more plainly what was going on. Why did everything have to be a riddle? Annoyed, she grumbled at the planet's mysterious warnings, "Danger...yeah, and his name is Sephir--"

"Do not be obtuse, child." the planet chided her, "He is no longer our concern. This one was the greatest warrior of his time, despite being so misguided. His strength and knowledge will aid you. We have seen it. You would do well to let go of your hate. We have. This one has returned to us, he is harmless and he will help. This is all we need to know. And it should be the same for you...You never held this hatred before. It mars your spirit."

Aeris was about to spit back with a vicious retort but the planet severed the connection before she could. As the essence of her long time friend ebbed away from her, it left her with a feeling of great disappointment. Letting her know that it did not approve of her negative attitude and it worried that in her current state she might not be able to help. She couldn't help the furious rage she felt. To her, it was natural and seamless. Nothing, he'd left her with nothing and taken everything. How else was she supposed to react? Her conscience spoke...this isn't you, Aeris. It wasn't her, it wasn't like her at all and she had to suppress a laugh at the very idea of it. Why was it so hard to find peace afterwards, when before her death it had been so easy? Truthfully, she didn't know and right now, she didn't much care. Finding a target for her bitter rage mattered more. Her eyes fluttered open and she let out a small, frustrated grunt. Gaze fixating on the convenient target of her hate. Her questions had remained unanswered. She still didn't know how or why Sephiroth had been chosen for her guardian. A more troublesome thought than all the rest was that her mother had known of this. Aeris vowed to speak with her later but now, now she had to deal with the waking demon before her. She truly wondered how she was going to do this.

Sephiroth had always been a master manipulator and one idea had taken over her mind. That he had somehow tricked the planet and her mother into agreeing to this, so that he could escape punishment. It seemed a logical conclusion as anything else. More logical than the idea that he actually might be seeking redemption. The thought had crossed her mind but she dutifully dismissed it. He was a villain, evil through and through. A monster and one such as him didn't give up on a quest he'd been so devoted to in his former life. Monsters don't seek redemption for the havoc they wreak; it is in their nature to be destructive. Redemption in her eyes was beyond him, and he hardly deserved a chance to prove that it wasn't in his nature to be evil. Because that is what he was. In her mind, she condemned him or at least, she tried but there was always that nasty little voice in the back of her head that told her she was wrong. That these thoughts were too one dimensional to be believed and if the planet could forgive him, why couldn't she? Because...that was her only answer.

Clasping her arms more tightly around herself, her gaze never wavering as she waited for him to awaken. He stirred in his sleep, his hand twitching slightly. At this, she nearly jumped three feet in the air, letting out a little squeak of terror. Really, how was she going to this? She took another deep breath and focused on her anger at him. It was an easy way to divert her mind and ready it for the task at hand. How long she sat there and waited for him to wake, even she was unsure of. It was a long time, this she knew because her backside hurt and she grew steadily more exhausted as time went by. Blinking languorously, her head began to nod forward, hands slipping to her sides as her entire body relaxed. She shook away her tiredness with a start, opening and closing her eyes in an attempt to keep herself awake. With a grimace, she rubbed her lids and yawned widely.

She was a bit puzzled why it was taking him so long to wake up but upon contemplation, it wasn't that much of a surprise. The spell that was used to revive them was the planet's own magic. As a half-Cetra, Aeris was in tune with this power and so there were no after affects on her because she was a part of it and it was a part of her. Sephiroth being a human and tainted by Jenova no less, wouldn't be as in sync with the spell's magic. She was unsure as to what side affects might afflict him, and for this reason, she wasn't overly anxious that he wasn't waking. Of course, she wasn't really anxious that he was still asleep at all. In fact, if he stayed that way, all the better. But this was not an option; sooner or later he would wake from slumber. If she had to deal with him, than she'd rather do it now and get this all over with. This waiting was going to drive her mad. The wild desire to just walk over there and kick him surfaced and it was with great effort that she resisted the urge. Though she didn't stifle the image in her head, nor did she hold back the small chuckle the thought brought her.

The soft rustling of fabric brought her from her dream world. Her eyes snapped back to where Sephiroth lay, the uncertain calm that had settled over her dissipated and her body tensed. A light moan escaped his lips, and he shifted position from lying on his side, to his back. As he turned, she could see his face contort in what looked to be pain. His head shook back and forth, a shiver running through his body at the mourned loss of some forgotten warmth. The pained expression on his face softened somewhat as his eyes blinked open slowly. Aeris held her breath, watching as he gazed upward blankly. His face crumpled, and he squeezed his eyes shut. One hand lifted to wipe away whatever was troubling him, fingers massaging the bridge of his nose as he carefully sat up. It was a blatant attempt to stave off a headache he couldn't avoid. Running his hand over his forehead and through his hair, he looked around. Curiously noting much of the scenery around him before his gaze fixed on Aeris.

Color drained from her face and her blood seemed to turn to ice as she looked into the eyes of her murderer. Unconsciously, she pressed herself into the wall as if willing her body to slip through it and escape into the city behind her. Her fear of him was unmistakable and he noticed it with sadness that never touched his face but instead, it was held in the depths of his eyes. A desolate sorrow that rippled the jaded surface imperceptibly, but it was there nonetheless. Aeris noticed this, just as she had before, though this time it actually registered in her mind and caused her to pause. She had expected a much different reaction than whatever this was. Sephiroth had been an arrogant man, as she remembered him. In the few times she met him, he seemed so sure of himself, there was never any hint of self doubt. His eyes had been vacant windows then, soullessly devoid of anything resembling emotion. Something's different...she said in a hushed interior whisper.

She couldn't tear her gaze from his and for long moments they remained like this. Frozen in a tableau, the soft filtered light of the ancient city coloring the silent exchange in green and gold. Gentle pastels caressed the figures below, it was nothing but a calm before a storm. So locked were they within walls of their own making, neither could feel the serenity surrounding them. Their hearts had yet to be opened to it.

The glass cage that held them broke when he moved suddenly. He had been instructed as to what he should do but he had always been awkward and unsure of how to handle things like this. Ifalna and Lucrecia had done their part to socialize him but he was still an inept judge of other people's emotional state in non-battle situations. It was too soon to approach her, too bold a move. She did not trust him and though he saw her fear, he did not understand how deeply ingrained it was. How far it had buried itself into her system. Nor did he see the anger that lay just behind it. Like a fool, Sephiroth slid forward and attempted to peel the rosary from his wrist. He was supposed to give it to her...Ifalna had been clear about that. Before he could complete the action, she bolted up from her spot so that she stood. Her hands grabbed at the railing behind her and it looked very much like she might just climb over the edge and jump if he came any closer.

Aeris stared at him, her eyes wide and disbelieving. His every action perplexed her and confounded her so thoroughly that she hadn't a clue how to react. Her mind stalled, incomplete thoughts flashing through her mind as she tried to process...him. So different. So changed from the image of him she held in her mind. The cold and calculating ex-general, unable to see anything but horror and death--and more than willing to take every last person on earth with him into hell. The brightest of heaven's fallen, and more demon than man.

Gods above, there was a time when her pity had equaled her fear. She had restrained those remembrances, because they hampered her hatred of him. Looking at Sephiroth now brought back those feelings. Something had happened. He was different. She could feel it and with this change came new fear. Aeris believed this changed Sephiroth was far more frightening than the mad man had been. The mad man was cruel, he was evil--a villain--and as such, it was easy to crush her emotions and hate him. The man that stared at her from the floor was just that. A man. Neither good nor evil, he just was and that fact created ambiguity in her black and white order.

She swallowed a frightened sigh, the breath clicking in the back of her throat. He stood slowly, a great towering figure rising from the depths of the city's light. Pale and imposing. There was grace in his every movement and even through her terror she noticed this. That clipped and efficient grace was born of being a trained warrior and any elegance in him was designed for one purpose. To make killing easier. She shrunk from him as this thought passed, finally averting her eyes as she inched towards the exit. Sadly, he bowed his head at this and he moved aside so that he no longer blocked her access to the staircase beyond. It was an open invitation to run from him, he was giving her room to escape and she paused in puzzlement. Again he defied all expectation. She looked from him to the exit and back again. Her emerald eyes were wide with confusion. Biting her lip, Aeris was no longer sure of much anything. She had gone from anticipating a confrontation, to wanting one, to needing to escape and now...now she just wanted to know what the hell was going on.

Driven by curiosity to understand this change, she stopped inching away and stood her ground. She wanted to see what he would do next. With a deep breath, she pried her hands from the railing and forced them to her sides. Though she couldn't help clenching them into tiny fists, her bravery only went so far. Her eyes closed to focus her concentration, trying her best to still the trembling of her body and her racing heart. With effort, she managed to calm her breathing at bit, and slowly the rest of her body caught up. Her hands relaxed and when she opened her eyes, she was able to gaze at him levelly with only a small trace of fear. As if sensing her attention, he lifted his head from the floor to look at her, though he did not look her in the eyes.

The scar in her abdomen chose that moment to twitch in pain and she lifted a hand to relieve it. Rubbing it over her stomach as she winced a little. His brows creased together as he finally made eye contact with her. The mere glance he gave her was filled with guilt stricken regret and sorrow. It was a rare show of emotion for him, so slight, so subtle that she barely even caught its glimmer before he quickly looked away.

"You remember..." he said softly, regretting the words for their obvious stupidity as they tumbled from his lips.

The wonderment that had colored her eyes went dead and the world around her quieted into deathly stillness. With deliberate slowness, her hand slipped from her stomach and her jaw tightened. Sephiroth realized then that it was more than just a stupid blunder, more than just him saying the wrong thing. He had awoken something in the girl that she'd rarely released, as rare as the emotions he held back. Her entire manner had cooled but this did not lessen the fury that boiled within--like molten lava as it meets the sea, hissing in protest as it hardens into obsidian rock. Whatever fear she had of him crumbled and fierce anger replaced it.

"Of course, I remember." She replied, her eyes narrowed as she enunciated every word with sharp, bitter intent, "I was the one impaled on your sword, it's an experience that's kind of hard to forget."

He was caught off guard by her angry outburst and said nothing, instead staring at her blankly. There was really no reply he could muster to stem her fury. The more imprecise emotions had always eluded him and he was an unqualified judge when it came to dealing with them. Anger, however, was an emotion he was well acquainted with. As such, he'd always used his through knowledge of the feeling when sizing up an opponent. He was able to see exactly how far he'd have to push before they cracked. This girl was an enigma, but her rage was painfully plain. He'd have to be a fool not to see it, and a full on idiot to know that it wouldn't take much to set her off at this point. Lowering his eyes, he understood the source of her anger and was willing to take whatever she had to give.

"Do you remember me?"

Wordlessly, he nodded, turning away to look across the abandoned city. Aeris would not be content to let him suffer silently. She was out for blood, not in the literal sense. There was no way she could hurt him on a physical level. But she would hurt him...

"Wow. You're just full of surprises...I'm curious..." she remarked sarcastically, barely recognizing her own voice, "I was just one murder, in a long line of murders. I believe you said at the time that I was 'trouble' and 'in the way'...to paraphrase...My death meant nothing to you. So why do you pretend that it does now?"

He said nothing, did nothing. Didn't even look at her. Had he even heard what she'd said? He'd ignored her, instead just standing there like an immoveable block, his gaze firmly fixed to the left of the altar. Never even attempting to meet her eyes. She seethed at his lack of attention.

Sephiroth saw none of this, too focused on the winding city beyond him. Wishing that he were back in his own personal hell, thinking it much easier than being here with her. On one level he knew that this was coming. It was unavoidable. But he had hoped to avert such a confrontation. Her mother had described a sweet and understanding girl. There was a childish hope in his heart that she'd just forget what had happened. Or that she'd understand it wasn't all his doing...that she'd know that it was Jenova, that she'd used him to hurt her and in knowing this, she'd just forgive him. So he wouldn't have to stand here and face what he'd done to her. It was a wish that would go unanswered.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Why are you even here?"

He closed his eyes, and bowed his head. Gods, he didn't think he could do this. He had told Ifalna and she hadn't listened.

"Answer me!"

"Just let her hate you." He thought, willing her to pour all her misery on him. It couldn't be any worse than what he'd done to himself over the last three years. He'd learned to bear his guilt as best he could. Though he did wonder when, if ever, his suffering would stop, when it would be enough. He could feel her growing ire but remained silent.

"Whatever game you're playing, it won't work. I don't know how you tricked the planet into helping you but if you think for one moment that I'll..." She pushed on, letting her anger carry her forward, and was surprised when he cut her words short.

"This is no game for me and I've deceived no one...." He replied quietly, bitterly realizing that his suffering would most likely never stop, as it would never be enough. It was stupid of him to have hoped his luck would change. An idiot's wish. Did he really think she'd forgive him....

She laughed at him, she actually laughed, "You expect me to believe that?"

His jaw tightened at her derision and crossed his arms. "Believe what you want." He barely managed to keep the rising anger out of his voice. As badly as he felt at what he'd done to her, he would not be mocked. He held it in, she didn't deserve to be hurt more but it was hard for him to remain silent when all he wanted to do was lash out.

"I believe that you are a monster. I believe you're here to finish what you started." She paused for effect, her eyes becoming dark with anger. "And I'll be damned before I'll let you use me and the planet to further your agenda. You blaspheme this place, you mock my sacrifice and you abuse the planet by your very presence here."

His hope shattered at that moment and he knew that what he sought would never be claimed as his own. This mission was a hopeless mire of guilt and shame. In some way devised to humiliate him, to make him feel lower than he already did. The final straw that broke him...He wouldn't be broken. Not by her. He had wronged her and he'd accepted it, was sorry for it. But that didn't mean he had to be abused.

"You think I asked for this? I was better off dead....I don't want to be here..."

"Like hell you don't!" Aeris snapped, pausing as he slowly turned his gaze to meet her own. What she saw in him nearly stopped her heart. In his eyes, she saw the haunted regret, the shadowed wish for oblivion as plain as day. He was telling the truth. She nearly choked on his sorrow--his bitter longing for death and the active effort with which he had sought self-annihilation. Aeris staggered back, eyes blinking wildly as she held her heart. He was telling the truth...she repeated the thought. If that was so then that meant....She lifted her eyes to his, wide with disbelief, "God, you don't.....why? What...You're actually here for redemption...oh god..."

Worse than her mockery, was her pity. He'd had enough of this. He still had pride beyond the ever-dwindling hope that she'd understand as Ifalna had promised. For three long years he'd worked, he'd hoped that by some miracle he'd find peace. Yes, Ifalna had mentioned it wouldn't be easy. But she also didn't tell him how hard it would be. He couldn't do this. It was hopeless, stupid. The girl would never forgive him. He'd fail her because he was an untrustworthy monster in her eyes. A failure, yes that was what he was. He'd mocked Strife for being a failure, for being weak. Ironic that it was really he who was the weak one and Strife and this girl...they were strong. What right did he have to be here? There was nothing for him to prove, he wasn't worthy of a second chance--Ifalna in anger had said so herself. What was the point of all of this, when it was so obvious that this was going to fail? And when all was said and done, he'd just end up in hell again anyway. It was pointless.

"Redemption." He said, his voice soft but pointedly bitter as he laughed, "There is no redemption for me."

Aeris felt suddenly very guilty at the almost forlorn look on his face. It was ridiculous, he was the one who'd wronged her but...if he was really here for redemption...and the planet had forgiven him. But that didn't mean she had to make it easy for him, did it? No, but it also didn't mean she had the right to make it harder. Biting her lip, Aeris let a little bit of her hatred die--let her anger cool.

"You...you could apologize...I mean, if you were really sorry and all..."

He looked up at her incredulously, "Are you really that naive or just plain stupid?"

"Excuse me?"

The short leash he had on his temper snapped and he was no longer able to control his mounting ire. Nothing would hold him back now, not even the shame he felt over what he'd done to this girl. She was just like everyone else. He knew her to be only half human but how like them she was. So judgmental, like every other human thinking herself so much better than him, finding it easy to cast the first stone. One of their own was more responsible than he for the destruction of the planet. He wondered if she'd feel more comfortable with a human monster like Rufus Shinra. Would she treat Shinra with the same amount of merciless contempt? Probably not. Shinra was human, Shinra hadn't murdered her. Yet Shinra had killed more people and been responsible for more destruction that he could even imagine. No matter how deranged his acts had been during his long period of insanity, he had only been one man. A man, no, he wasn't a man in her eyes. Shinra was a man and his sins would be forgiven. By the girl and by the planet. Him, he was no man. She treated him like everyone else had, regarding him more like an indolent beggar--a thing to be used and abused.

Kick the dog while he was down, it wasn't like he could feel anyway. How much suffering would it take? What punishments would he have to endure before the planet finally said, Enough--you've paid your due? His entire existence had been nothing but one long mobius strip of suffering and pain. Had he been born with this sin or had it been thrust upon him? His soul had been crushed since the day of his birth. He was punished by his human "caretakers" for living and was nothing more than an experiment. Punished by the oppressive awe of his inhuman strength. Punished by Jenova for minor disobedience while she used him like a child's toy. And now this girl.

None of his previous agony mattered now because this pain was exciting and new. "Perhaps this is my own personal hell", he mused. Maybe the entire last three years had just been a prelude before he was thrown straight into the nightmarish pits of the inferno. Sadly, he wished it was true but reality could not be so easily forgotten. He was here, with her. Seeking redemption he knew he didn't deserve and was now convinced he'd never get. Paying reparations in his continual suffering. The girl would squeeze this stone until it bled. She'd have her pound of flesh.

He hadn't expected anything of her. Sephiroth wasn't arrogant enough to think that he merited anything at all from this girl, other than her righteous anger. He wanted to respect her as he did her mother. Ifalna was a gracious lady, willing to forgive him--to see past her hate. Her mother hated what he'd done, what he'd become, but she never hated him as a person. She'd always given him respect and for the first time, he'd felt like any other man, any other human. Treating him kindly, despite the hurt he'd caused her. He had expected the girl to be the same. How sadly mistaken he was. She was no better than those who'd mistreated him--she was worse. For the last twenty minutes she'd berated him with her petty platitudes and the ridiculous insistence that he apologize. Hatred, he understood but this pity mixed with derision was more than he could bear. And as her diatribe came to an end, Sephiroth finally lost his temper.

"Are you even listening?"

He rolled his eyes, "Why should I?" He asked, his voice low and soft, but oddly commanding. She opened her mouth to interrupt him but he wouldn't give her the chance at a comeback. "I've had enough of this. Do you really believe an apology will make up for what I've done? I'm sorry doesn't bring back the people I killed. I'm sorry doesn't undo the damage to this planet I caused. I'm sorry doesn't make up for the fact that I tried to destroy all existence. Apologies are nothing but empty hollow words after all I've done."

She backed away a little, as he came closer. Her hands searching for the railing as she shakily replied, "But...but you have to s-start somewhere....An apology would show good faith..."

Sephiroth crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. Looking down at her like she was the queen of all idiots, "Yes, I'm sorry solves all problems in your little dream world, doesn't it? Let's ask your friends, shall we? What would they think if I waltzed into whatever hovels they're living in and begged forgiveness? In your perfect world, I'm sure they'd forgive me. Hell, we'd probably have a little heart to heart over cups of international coffee. Maybe have us a good cry. Then everyone would live happily ever after. I'm sure your boyfriend, Strife, would REALLY appreciate the apology too. 'Sorry about burning your hometown to the ground.'--Eh, no hard feelings, as long as you're really, really sorry'. So I have to ask again, are you naive or just stupid?"

At the mention of Cloud's name, she stiffened. " SHUT UP! Don't you dare say his name! He would forgive you...Cloud would because he's a better man than you could EVER be!!"

Sephiroth let the insult slide, instead he laughed harshly. Striding so that he stood right before her, letting her shrink from his piercing gaze. An action that simultaneously satisfied and annoyed him, "You delude yourself. Your 'friends' aren't that forgiving. Let me give you a little lesson--reality vs. fantasy. If I were to go to your friends and beg any one of them for forgiveness...one of two things would happen." He slowly held up one finger, his gaze hardening, "One--they'd kill me on sight." He held up another finger, "Two--they'd imprison me and have a nice public trial, in the interest of being better than me. Because it's 'fair'. They'd trot me out and I'd be put on spectacle like a circus freak. The trial would go forward--of course, I'd lose. Then the world would wait with baited breath as the date of my execution neared....and it would be execution, Aeris. Because god knows, I don't deserve to live. That is reality. Nothing I say. Nothing I do will redeem me. My sin is too great."

"That's not true..." She whispered, tears at the corners of her eyes.

"Really?" he replied, arching his eyebrow for effect. His face remaining impassive as he stared at her but she could see the gears turning. The harsh expression he wore softened a bit and when he spoke the menace in his voice was gone--replaced by a gentleness she was unaware he possessed, "Fine. Then let's start with you. I'm sorry, Aeris. I'm sorry for what I've done to you...what I've taken from you. I've never been more sorry for anything in my life." He paused, stepping back as he averted his eyes. Unfamiliar emotions tugged at his heart and he didn't want her to see them. She did, but in the end it didn't matter. Regaining composure, he lifted his gaze and in his eyes, she could see naked hope, "Forgive me."

If he had punched her in the face she couldn't have been more surprised. An apology was the last thing she'd expected of him and even more astonishing, it was completely sincere. Her world had turned upside down and Aeris was left reeling in its wake. She was amazed and could not think of what to say. He took her silence as an open rejection and she realized this as she watched the sliver of hope in his eyes die. Sorrow, the likes of which she'd never knew existed swirled in his jade depths and she opened her mouth to say something...but before she could, his eyes iced over.

"As I thought...Thank you for proving my point." His lips curled into a small snarl, and he clapped his hands together once. The sound echoed violently, breaking the seamless silence that surrounded them, "End of lesson."

With that he turned and stalked out of the altar, his foot falls reverberating behind him.

"Where are you going?" She shouted after him.

There was no reply from his retreating figure. Confused and upset, Aeris watched his form disappear like a ghost into the darkness. Leaving her wondering what had happened. How could she have mistaken him so gravely? This turn of thoughts was more than she could deal with and she sunk to the ground, her mind in utter turmoil. Sooner or later, she'd have to speak with her mother but right now, she didn't care. In the empty city, she buried her face in her hands and wept at a complete loss for anything else to do.