Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Shattered Dreams ❯ His Troubled Heart ( Chapter 44 )

Mediaminer reviewers:

Ankou-Magpie: Sorry to hear about your hiatus, glad you’re still enjoying this story. I was worried that I had driven or bored everyone away! The best ff7 fic? I hope I can continue to live up to that. Thanks for your review! I hope you like this chapter as well.

ChessyKat: No, I haven’t, unfortunately. I went to go buy it, and they didn’t have it yet. I knew I should have gone to the other store! But I’m going to get it! I vow this! I promise, no interruptions in their conversation. It’s too important! Thanks!!

Aff.net reviewers:

Ayachan: It appears I cannot hide it any longer. Seems everyone has realized it, but yes, that is to be the pairings. And I agree, Tseng needs to get laid, take out some of that ‘frustration’. I’m glad you enjoyed the fight scene; I was nibbling my fingernails over it. Thanks!! Hope you like this chapter, too!

Dree: So I’m guessing you like the idea, huh? Well, I’ll accept the cookies and write more! Thanks!!

Ri: I hope I don’t disappoint but the Tseng/Sephness might be a long time in coming. Hope you don’t mind the wait! I promise it’ll be good. Thanks for your review! I hope you like this chapter, too!

Miko: I’ll accept it... only because I know /eventually/ you will get around to reviewing for me, lol. I find the plot fillers somewhat boring myself but sometimes, it’s just gotta be done. Hate to say it, but this chapter is bit plot as well. Hopefully the real good stuff comes soon. Thanks!!

Chapter 44: His Troubled Heart

He stood at his window, staring out at the broken building he had worked so hard to reconstruct. As the sun set behind the crumpled concrete, he could only think of how it stood as a fractured monument to their shattered dreams. Orange and yellow beams of light reflected on the grey stone with a cheery warm glow, but still, the sight threatened to turn him cold.

What had happened to the peace promised after defeating Sephiroth? Where had the chance gone for relaxation and time spent with loved ones in serenity? Those dreams had collapsed beneath the weight of a madman demi-god, who had all the power in the world and not a drop of freedom. Reeve couldn’t decide whether or not he felt proud to be a mortal, to have those rights, or if sacrificing liberty for power was worth it.

Despair threatened to consume him, an all encompassing darkness that weighed down his heart and sent him into fits of uncharacteristic brooding. He was slowly falling into a pit of depression, feeling as if something integral was missing from his life, and it seemed nothing could save him.

Reeve idly wondered if his recent, no… recent was the wrong word. Recent implied that it had just begun. In truth, his anger and sorrow had been slowly building within for quite some time. He wondered if he had been working too hard lately, but there was no one else to delegate to. And so he dealt with the insomnia and the clawing tightness in his throat that availed him every time he laid to rest. He tried to ignore the gnawing pit in him. He ate less and less everyday, and it took more concentration to hide the shaking in his limbs from Reno.

They had fought. They had made up, and now, everything seemed to be right again. They were once more together. They had married, much to Elena and Aeris’ anger, and now, they were set to be happy for the rest of their lives. He loved Reno, he was certain of that, no matter the doubts he may have had when they first began their relationship. Yet, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something in his life, something he had always longed for.

Reeve was falling apart at the seams, but he would be damned if he’d allow himself to break. He couldn’t afford to. With the world falling to hell and Tseng teetering on the edge, the executive knew he had no other options, so he buried his despair under a mask, hid the melancholy behind forced smiles, and told everyone he was going to be fine. For now, that would have to suffice.

Out of seemingly nowhere, arms slid around his waist from behind, pulling him back into a comforting embrace. Reeve relaxed into the touch, not at all surprised since he had heard Reno come in. He knew that the Turk and Archer had been out in the submarine all day, searching. They must have just returned.
The executive could only guess that they had found nothing, not that he expected results after the first day. Still, that had been their assignment, as well as mapping out the ocean floor and establishing underwater tracking systems, just in case. It would probably take them another two days to complete their sweep, but Reeve didn’t think they would find anything. Balaam didn’t strike him as the type to hide underwater.

Cid and Vincent had reported in about thirty minutes ago. According to the two, there was nothing to be found on the Northern Continent. Although the citizens of Icicle had plenty to say about Seraph, they hadn’t heard or seen anything of the demonic sort. Those in Bone Village remembered Tifa well. Apparently, she had tried seducing several of the younger, married males. Many of the town’s female patrons had been very upset with her and were more than glad to see Tifa go.

Reeve couldn’t blame them.

The Northern Crater, which had been the executive’s initial guess, was abandoned. It was nothing more than a glimmering pool of green, feathered mako, lying innocently among the collapsed remains of the cavern. After that, the two men ended the day rather early, Vincent claiming that he had something to take care of before the battle with Balaam could begin.

Cid had been rather short with Reeve as he related this, his words clipped and harsh. The executive had the uncomfortable feeling that there was trouble brewing between the pair, yet another event that seemed wrong with the world. With Vincent returned, the two should feel nothing but happiness, reigniting their love and making up for lost time. Still, there was an undercurrent of something unresolved that the executive could not understand.

Yuffie had put off her trip to Wutai until Nanaki could come with her. The lion wolf hadn’t wanted to return to Cosmo Canyon but was conducting some research in the main library of Midgar. He claimed he had a hunch about something. Reeve was inclined to believe him. After all, Nanaki was not only older but probably wiser about such things.

Reeve had also noticed the thin line of tension between the friends. He supposed it had much to do with Nanaki’s recent return to his more lupine form. Everyone had seen what was developing between them, noting how friendship had begun to blossom into more. But no one even thought to stop it, giving both their utmost support. Reeve had the feeling there was something behind the transformations, some secret that had yet to be revealed, and his hunch told him that, somehow, his two youngest companions would find a way to be together.

Did he even need to mention that his hunch often went by the name of Archer Kyle?

Barret had finally given in to Cloud’s orders and was helping Rude clean the last of the monsters from the town, and Shera had lent a hand in making some “minor” communications repairs… at least as many as the overprotective, former Turk that was still somehow a Turk would allow. Thanks to her, reception was improving globally, and it was becoming easier to keep in contact. Further, Reeve had heard that Barret and Rude were building an unlikely friendship. Well, stranger things had happened.

Aeris and Elmyra were taking care of the children. The Widow Gainsborough had taken it upon herself to do that service, claiming it was about the only thing she had a use in. Additionally, the flower-girl’s health was a bit more fragile than Shera’s, and it was better for her to do something more relaxing than chasing monsters out of Midgar.

In all honesty, the executive did not know where Cloud had gone, and Aeris had been sketchy on the matter herself. It was as if the swordsman had just completely disappeared. He never did say what he was going to do during the meeting, just delegated tasks to the others. Since then, Reeve had not heard from him, but Aeris did not seem concerned, so the executive pushed that thought away to the back of his mind. With Sephiroth back, there were probably a lot of things that Cloud had to work out for himself, and if it was solitude he needed, then solitude he would be allowed.

Reeve was not sure how Sephiroth and Zack had spent the day, but he was none too concerned. He knew he could rely on Tseng and Elena to keep an eye on them. And if anything went awry… well, AVALANCHE would just have to take down the errant General once more. Though, he wished that they could all think of something more productive for the four of them to be accomplishing. They had only two weeks to find Balaam before it became too late to stop him.

Truthfully, Reeve did not really understand how a demi-god could have so much power that even his fellows feared him. The anima had been really vague on that point and had skirted around the issue, as if it was some big demi-deity secret. The executive had the feeling they were all going to find out at the worst possible moment. He worried that when they did, it was going to be something they would not be able to defeat.

Still, that irked him. What kind of power could a demi-god have that went beyond what Kami gave him? The idea of something so strong that none of them, even with their new powers, could come out victorious sent shivers down his spine.

And what had Reeve accomplished in the day since everyone had begun their work? He spent a most intriguing and fascinating day reading document after document, only to break the monotony to lift a finger and sign a dotted line. He organized what was left of SOLDIER into some sort of defensive unit for Midgar, arranged for those that survived from Junon, what few there were, to wait for transportation to Midgar, and he had placed several calls to both Cosmo Canyon and Wutai to get damage reports and estimates of the enemy’s strength.

How very unsatisfying.

Yet, the entire time he couldn’t help but think how much he missed the old days… when they wandered about the globe trying to hunt down Sephiroth, fighting for their lives, everyday something new and unexpected occurring. When he had more duties than sitting on his ass in a chair gone long uncomfortable, while his hand cramped itself into submission. Peace had supposedly come and gone on Gaia, to be replaced with the fires of war, and Reeve was wondering if in anything he had done that last six months had been peaceful. When was his rest?

“Fine then! Brood away. It’s not as if I actually /wanted/ you to listen to me, yo.” Reno’s voice cut through his thoughts, causing Reeve to blink as he realized that he had inadvertently gone off on a mental tangent, leaving his lover in the lurch.

He sighed softly as he placed his hands over Reno. “Sorry, I was thinking,” he apologized instantly before frowning and furrowing his brow. “I was not brooding.”

He could feel Reno’s grin and see a bit of it in the reflection from the glass of the window. “What is it with angsty people and not wanting to admit that they brood? I just don’t understand it, yo.”

“Reno,” Reeve replied. “There are lots of things you don’t understand. Don’t worry about it.”

The Turk paused for a moment before he burst out laughing. “Oh, I see. That was supposed to be funny. Well, ha ha, everyone make fun of Reno’s intelligence. Yo, someday, I’ll show you all how brilliant I am.”

Reeve laughed softly, closing his eyes as he gave in to the comfort his lover always inevitably bestowed on him. “Just send me a postcard,” he replied.

He pushed away all thoughts of darkness and failures as they stood there, looking out over a city he had been fighting to rebuild. The arms around his belly were a warm comfort as was his back, which was pressed to his mate. He fought off all coiling thoughts of something missing and firmly entrenched the idea in his head that he was happy; he needed nothing else.

Then, warm lips pressed to his neck before a wet tongue slid out, trailing over his skin and every one of the sensitive areas of his neck. A gentle nibble soon followed as Reno’s breath ghosted over his skin.

“You’re worrying about something,” commented the Turk.
Reeve could feel Reno’s skin tickling at his ear and neck, but he shook his head. “No,” he denied. “I’m just wondering how it’s all going to end.”

The Turk raised a brow. “That’s simple enough, really. We’re going to find Balaam, drag him from his hidey-hole ,and kick the shit out of him until he stops all this madness, yo. Then, Kami’s going to do ‘something’ about his errant demi-gods, and everything will turn back to normal.”

“Normal,” murmured Reeve. “I’d like to see what your definition of normal is.”

Reno chuckled as he slid one of his hands lower, down the front of a still in shape belly and towards Reeve’s groin. “For starters, I would like to encourage starting back some of our more lusty expeditions. How about it? Right here in front of the window.” On top of the biting, Reno was an exhibitionist, and sadly, so was Reeve. Another reason they were perfect for each other.

His fingers brushed over the executive’s front, a light touch that was more of a promise of things to come, and it made Reeve bite back a groan as his flesh began to swell. He could already feel the Turk’s hardness beginning to press into him from behind.

“What do you say?” Reno questioned as he nibbled on his lover’s ear, dropping his voice a to low, sexy octave, one that sent shivers across the executive’s skin. “I know you’re done signing your name half a billion times for the day, and I know for a fact everyone who was going to has reported in.”

His fingers massaged over the building arousal as he pressed his own growing erection against Reeve’s backside. Reno was tired; he was exhausted from bantering with Archer and mapping one-third of the ocean floor all day, but he wouldn’t give up any moments with Reeve, not when they had so few just because his back sagged or he felt like collapsing on the bed and sleeping for years.

Reeve exhaled softly. “You’re dangerous to me,” he replied, his tone half-teasing as he gave in to the erotic caresses. Reno knew from the moment that he had walked in that Reeve wouldn’t say no. It was all a matter of persuasion.

The Turk chuckled. “Really? Right here in front of the window and all? I knew that’s what would excite you, yo,” he teased, tongue scraping over the shell of Reeve’s ear.

The executive made a strange sound in the back of his throat and pressed back against Reno’s clothed groin. “Don’t make me say it again.”

Reno laughed, but he didn’t say anything more as Reeve turned his head to the side. The two pressed their lips together, tongues quickly melding into a hot display of erotic intent. Until a knock at the executive’s door had them both sighing and pulling apart with much reluctance.

“Should’ve waited until business hours were through,” the redhead muttered, though he wasn’t upset, merely making a statement.

Reeve nodded as he sighed softly, and they pulled back from each other, though they were still close enough to touch. “It’s open,” he called out.

The door opened, and Elena stuck her head in, grinning when she saw that only Reno and Reeve were present. “I’d hate to interrupt whatever you two were about to do,” she said pleasantly, though she didn’t sound repentant at all. “But I have a big favor to ask.”

Reno sighed and turned to glare at her, though Reeve could tell that his actions were playful. “For you information, I was about to screw Reeve against this window, so it had better be good.”

Amber eyes widened in surprise seconds before a blush crept into his cheeks, even though he was far too old to be doing such a thing. “Reno!” he admonished loudly.

However, the Turk just grinned and winked at him as Elena shook her head and came further into the room, Denzel and Marlene on her heels. This caused the executive to flush an even deeper red, though Reno only looked slightly repentant.

“What kind of favor, ‘Lena,” Reeve continued, shooting his partner another admonishing look.

The blonde grinned and gestured towards the two children. “I’m supposed to be watching them, but I’ve got something I need to do for an hour or so. Think you can handle it?”

Reno groaned, as if it was the greatest task in the world, while the executive made a pleased sound, immediately lighting up into a big smile.

“Of course, we can,” Reeve answered. “Though my office is quite boring, they’ll be safe here until you return.” He walked towards Denzel and Marlene, bending down so that he could look them in the face, and he made a strange sort of expression that was an attempt at being entertaining. “We’ll try and have fun, okay?”

“Great!” returned Elena. She gave the children a soft push into the room, nearly causing them to stumble before turning back and heading for the door. “I’ll see you guys later, alright?” With a final wave, she disappeared, off to do “something.”

Reno groaned and covered his face as he looked at the two children, who were standing side by side and looking up at the adults expectantly. He knew nothing about kids, and while it wasn’t that he didn’t like them, he just was never sure how to act in their presence. It wasn’t like /he/ was a good role model. The Turk was the perfect example of what /not/ to become. As such, he was distinctly uncomfortable and wondered how to get out of the favor he had been roped into.

But Reeve… the executive seemed excited by the prospect. The Turk knew that his lover had one day wanted to have children, and he was always down at the orphanage if he had free time between ruining ShinRa, planning the wedding, and spending quiet moments with Reno. The redhead watched silently as his mate immediately put his hand on his chin, thinking about how he could entertain Denzel and Marlene, even though they were only going to be there for an hour. On the other hand, Reno was merely content to turn on the television and let them rot their minds until Elena returned.

But no, Reeve had to /talk/ to them. So while he stood somewhat awkwardly by, the executive proceeded to make conversation with the still silent children.

“So, what have you two been up to today?” questioned Reeve.

Marlene was the first to speak, and as Reno would later learn, the one to /most/ often speak as well. Whereas Denzel was quiet and somewhat withdrawn, keeping his distance from both the conversation and the two men themselves, Marlene was very talkative, willing to discuss nearly any topic. It probably had much to do with the fact she recognized the men as the ones that had fought with her father against the great “Sephiroth.”

It was odd… the way Reno had never really thought about children. It was almost instinct for Reeve to respond to them, speaking naturally in simpler words so they could understand, inviting them into the conversation, and generally making them feel welcome. Meanwhile, the Turk stood by, merely observing. There was something about the smile on the executive’s face, the secret light behind his eyes, that made Reno feel warm on the inside… and also a bit afraid. He didn’t even want to think about why, not for the moment.

“Reno,” Reeve called out, instantly drawing the red-haired Turk’s attention. “We’re going to watch some TV. Why don’t you join us?”

Aquamarine eyes blinked before a lazy smile took over his face. “Can we watch cartoons, yo?” he asked teasingly, though there was a note of hope to his voice.

Reeve laughed easily. “You’re such a child,” he commented, though it was without scorn. He was merely teasing his lover. “I’m sure we can find something to entertain you.”

The other man shrugged and joined the small group as they headed into the rest area next door to Reeve’s office. While everyone sat down and watched reruns of old-time cartoons on the television, Reno couldn’t help but return to his earlier thoughts. But as he was wont to do when he was bored, the Turk fell asleep, snoring lightly, while Reeve and the children laughed at the characters antics. He stayed that way until Elena returned nearly two hours later with Elmyra in tow.

By that time, the television had been turned off, and Reeve was playing a card game with the children, using a deck Marlene had had in her pocket. They didn’t really know the rules that well, but it was entertaining nonetheless. Elena and Elmyra observed him for a moment, chuckling quietly at the sight of a softly snoring Reno and sharing secretive glances when Reeve ruffled Denzel’s hair affectionately.

“Well, Denzel, it looks like you’ve won again,” the President said with a chuckle. The boy practically beamed.

“Aww,” Elena teased as she and Elmyra stepped into the room. “Isn’t that just the cutest thing?”

Reeve’s head snapped up at her entrance. He opened his mouth to respond, but she shushed him with a finger at her mouth and then pointed to the sleeping Reno. The executive nodded in understanding, and the two children began to smile mischievously, trying to giggle quietly.

The blonde stole towards the redhead, her boots not making a sound as she crept her way across the carpet until she stood before his half-reclined form. She briefly noticed that not even sleep could make her annoying friend angelic. However, a smirk stole over her features, and she jumped forward, grabbing his arms.

“The aliens are upon us!” she yelled as loudly as possible in his ear.

It was a Turk code phrase. Sort of like an inside joke.

Aquamarine eyes flew open, and his body jerked as he was thrust into wakefulness, Elena taking a step backwards. Reno’s limbs flailed, and his heart beat wildly, head whipping back and forth looking for the presumed “aliens”. He jumped to his feet with an arm hovering over where his Electro Rod should have been before registering that there was laughter surrounding him.

He frowned and narrowed his eyes. “That was not funny, Elena,” he muttered irritably.

But the blonde Turk merely waved him off. “You’re just embarrassed. It’ll pass. Anyways, we’re here to take the kids off your hands. I’m sure you two wanna get back to business.” She said the last with a wink in Reeve’s general direction, causing the man to redden slightly and cough. He turned and began to collect the cards from Marlene and Denzel.

Reno sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Elena always found a way to push his buttons, even when he was in a good mood. Yet, a sudden and insistent pressing on his bladder had him giving a half-hearted wave at the those present and leaving the room without even making a snappy comeback. Besides, his brief nap had left him feeling really weary. He was more than ready to grab Reeve and go home for the day.

As he walked down the hall, he couldn’t help but turn his mind to the most recent events. He and Reeve had argued with him storming off in anger. Then, there was the mishap with Tifa and discovering his anima, which had really shocked him. Finally, there was their reunion and subsequent eloping, a sort of spur-of-the-moment decision for both of them. Reno had long suspected that the wedding was actually one of the things that stood between them, one of the events that was creating a rift.

Reeve didn’t want a big wedding, and frankly, Reno didn’t either. Yet, Elena and Aeris had latched onto the idea, and once their claws had sunk, there was no escape. Truthfully, they hadn’t wanted to disappoint the elated females either, but the executive had always been sort of slow and plodding when it came to their relationship, even from the beginning. After all, before he met Reno, Reeve had been straight.

But there was something that sparked when their eyes met, something that surpassed gender reaching out to the person beneath the sex. It was an inescapable pull that neither could resist, and even though they had to hide their feelings, their relationship, Reno wouldn’t have given it up for anything. For Reeve it was simple enough. He would die if necessary, and the fight with Sephiroth six months prior had confirmed that.

Staring into the mirror above the wash basin as he soaped up his hands, Reno couldn’t help but idly wonder how a street-born fuck-up like himself could actually find his way out of the gutter and into the arms of someone like Reeve. Fate had been altogether too kind to him, despite the trials of his youth. Seriously, if he lived the rest of his life with only the executive, he could consider himself needing nothing else.

On the verge of becoming overly warm and fluffy, two emotions that he didn’t want anyone else to know he actual enjoyed exhibiting, Reno wiped his hands off with a towel and threw it in the trash. He headed back down the hall towards the rest room. As he approached the doorway, he managed to catch the tail end of a conversation between Elmyra and Elena as they left, each with a child in hand.

“If Reno hadn’t been asleep, I wouldn’t have known what to think,” Mrs. Gainsborough commented. “I was worried he’d have them running around like little hellions.” The redhead quirked a smile at that, his ears perking up at Elena’s response.

“Yes, I agree. Still, Reeve would make a great father, don’t you think?”

The widow laughed lightly. “Can you just imagine if he and Reno were able to have kids?”

The blonde Turk snickered in response as they came around the bend of the hall. “Lord help us all if Reno were to ever procreate,” she teased seconds before she caught sight of the red-haired Turk approaching them from the opposite side of the hall. “Well, speak of the devil, himself.”

“Don’t mind me, yo,” he drawled, moving aside so they could pass. “I’m just going to reintroduce Reeve to that lovely view from this office window… the one you so kindly interrupted earlier.”

He gave them a smirk as they went by, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Their words struck him deep inside, and he knew they were true.

The widow blushed faintly, but Elena merely chuckled. “You go do that, then,” she replied as Denzel tugged on her hand. “Now that the kids are out of the way.” She laughed again and the foursome went the rest of the way down the hall.

Marlene cast a look back at him as she waved goodbye, and Reno flashed her one of his cocksure grins. She smiled cheekily, and the group faded down the corridor. The redheaded Turk paused briefly in thought before shaking his head and continuing on his path, stepping into the rest room with his gaze instantly falling on the amber-eyed executive.

Reeve looked up at his entrance and smiled, eyes lighting up. “You sure took a while.” He raised a brow as he appraised his lover. “Did you have to take care of a problem?”

Reno smiled, leaning casually against the door frame. His aquamarine eyes sparkled. “Was savin’ it for you, yo.”

He pushed all thoughts of the conversation between Elena and Elmyra out of his mind when Reeve gave him a mischievous grin in response. There would always be time for deep thought later. For the moment, however, he had a window that he was dying to introduce him to.

---

Tseng sighed as he sat back in his expensive desk chair and twirled it around, facing the shuttered window. One hand rose to his forehead, and he rubbed his aching skull absentmindedly, eyes closed. The other hand rested on the arm of the chair, tapping in a slow steady rhythm. He could not concentrate on his work, no matter how many cups of coffee he chugged or how many deep, soothing breaths he forced his body to accept. His mind kept drifting to other matters, matters outside the running of ShinRa.

Every time he tried to look at a report of the new monsters his thoughts began to wander, and generally, they always seemed to work themselves to Sephiroth and why the man had disappeared with Vincent. The former General had never returned to the arena after walking away with the ex-Turk, leaving Tseng to ponder why the gunman would seek him out to begin with.

Sephiroth had said unfinished business, but what sort of business could two men with thirty years between them have?

Tseng vaguely knew the details of what had occurred when Vincent disappeared those years prior, but the truth of Valentine had been hush-hush, not even available to his curious eyes. Veld had sealed the documents concerning the prior Turk commander, and no one had been allowed to know what had happened to him. As a result, Vincent Valentine had become almost a stigma among the Turks. A warning, if you will. No one knew what the man had done, but everyone was convinced that although one of the best, Valentine had made a fatal error in crossing ShinRa somewhere along the way.

All that Tseng knew was that Vincent’s last mission had been to guard Dr. Gast and Dr. Hojo along with their assistant Lucrecia Crescent as they performed research on a supposed “ancient” in Nibelheim. The files didn’t state what happened after that, merely labeled with a “Complete” tag and shoved into the darkest corners of the Turk filing system. Tseng had the feeling that ShinRa was either trying to hide something, or Valentine had somehow, somewhere gotten in way over his head. Still, as of late, he hadn’t had the opportunity to question Vincent nor did he really seem the type that was readily approachable.

It was an event that both confused and intrigued Tseng, making him want to delve deep into the mystery of one of the most infamous Turks. This, in turn, brought him back to circuitous thoughts of Sephiroth and what connection he and the ex-Turk had.

Truthfully, Tseng couldn’t deny that his interest in Sephiroth was just idle curiosity. He was willing to admit, if only to himself, the strange attraction that he had suddenly developed for the former General. Well, suddenly would be the wrong word. He had always had the smallest bit of fascination for Sephiroth, even from five years prior when the man had still been the greatest General ShinRa had ever known. Even then, Tseng had desired the man. There was something about Sephiroth that instantly captivated his attention.

Now, the Turk commander was caught between his desire for the man and the truth that Sephiroth had once tried to destroy Gaia. Whether or not it had been him within the body was null and void. Every time he looked at the former General, he couldn’t help but see the smirk, light flashing across a familiar silver blade, and the burning searing pain of being sliced through the abdomen. It was hard to distinguish within himself the Sephiroth that had attempted to slay him and the Sephiroth that was here now.

Yet, he couldn’t deny that he was attracted to him either. Just the sight of him recalled all the feelings he had pushed aside five years prior, causing him to blush uncontrollably and filling him with all very conflicting emotions: anger, hurt, pride, desire. And they were all twisted and coiled within him until they became a knot of anxiety that left him without an appetite, tossing and turning in his sleep.

That along with the problem of the voices was enough to drive him mad… if he wasn’t already.

Tseng sighed and turned his chair to its proper state, picking up a ballpoint pen and scanning the documents before him as he was supposed to. However, the moment his silver eyes started to look over the words, his mind wandered again, blurring the black and white lettering until it was nothing more than a indistinguishable conflagration of swirled nonsense.

He wondered when he had stopped clinging so tightly to the stringent rules of Dao-Chao, the religion that had been a basis of his upbringing for much of his young life.

Was it when his parents were sent away from the only home they had known because his mother was gifted? Was it when he discovered he preferred the company of men over woman, yet another abomination? Or was it when he discovered that no matter how much he prayed, it still didn’t stop his mother from crying… or his father from solemnly staring out at the sky for hours at a time?

He had always been taught that the words of Dao-Chao were law, that there was no other purpose outside of the god’s design. He had been taught that men and women were by rights the only acceptable pairing, that voices within one’s own mind were products of witchcraft, that families were to always remain loyal… that treason was the ultimate sin, punishable by death. And that obedience was the greatest form of worship. He could go on within his mind, but it would only lead him down a spiraling path of confusion and regret.

For all intents and purposes, his entire person was an abomination to the teachings of Dao-Chao. Voices haunted his mind from night to day, and his dreams were filled with desires for men. He even worked for ShinRa, the greatest embodiment of sin and destruction to the teachings of the Wutaiian people. According to them, he was the ultimate traitor, even if only by association. As such, he had been branded with the jewel on his forehead, even before he had reached adulthood, and it burned like a fire on days when he chose to remind himself of his family’s pain and sorrows.

It was an endless circuit of weary ponderings and no real conclusions. He longed for a much simpler existence, but not even pretending the voices didn’t exist made it easer. Instead, it caused him agony; the mental strain of blocking them out pushed his strength to its limits. It was no wonder that the return of Sephiroth was the final catalyst to his breakdown.

Tseng bit back a sigh and resisted the urge to bang his head on the desk in irritation and annoyance. If only he had something other than paperwork to do so that he would not be given plenty of time to just muse on all of his faults and weaknesses!

A sudden knock at his office door startled him, causing him to look up in surprise. Who would be calling on him? Another moment later, he finally found his voice and cleared his throat, calling for the visitor to enter.

The door opened just slightly, and Aeris stuck her head in, a big smile on her face. “Hey, Tseng. Are you busy?” she questioned.

It was easy for him to return her smile, the flower-girl always seeming to have a somewhat calming effect on him. Aeris had been his one attempt at pretending to be heterosexual. But unfortunately for him, Reno had seen right through his carefully crafted hints towards his affections. Point blank, the redhead had told Tseng to stop denying it, that he and Rude were not bothered by the fact that he liked men. It was one of the few times that his hot-headed subordinate had displayed his rarely seen tact.

Tseng gestured towards his papers. “There is nothing but boring documents. I would welcome any distraction.”

Aeris beamed at him, slipping inside the room with grace, despite her rounded belly, and plopped down in the only available chair, her jade eyes sparkling merrily. “What kind of papers?” she questioned, making casual conversation, but her gaze instantly took in the appearance of his office, almost immediately noticing the OCD-like organization to everything. He had a theory that if he kept his office and home neat, then the rest of his life would fall into place. It hadn’t worked yet, but he was still trying.

Tseng shrugged elegantly, laying down the pen and focusing his attention on her. “These are simply reports on the monsters escaped from Hojo’s lab, the sort of thing your husband has been helping me slay.”

She nodded in response, shifting slightly in her seat before fixing her gaze directly on him. “You’re looking… not too well, Tseng,” the flower-girl said softly, getting straight to the point. That was how it had always been with them, ever since the first moment that he had met the Ancient, long ago when it had been his purpose to capture her and return her to ShinRa.

He had always known her location of course, but after meeting the flower-girl for himself, he was loathe to allow her into Hojo’s hold. He knew of the scientist’s psychotic nature and didn’t want to see such a beautiful and kind girl in his hands. So Tseng lied and sent the Turks to false locations, never letting on that he knew exactly where to find her.

Back then, Aeris had looked him in the eye and said, “I do not blame you, Mr. Turk. This is just your job.”

Just a job, indeed. Tseng still had some integrity left. ShinRa had not managed to beat it all out of him. He was surprised by her courage, inspired by her forgiveness, and hopelessly helpless in light of her truth. Even now, he couldn’t bring himself to lie to her.

“I will admit things are not going well,” he responded after a moment, gaze falling to the desk in front of him. “I suppose you already knew that.”

She smiled faintly, a movement he caught from the corner of his eye. “They are merely concerned for you, Tseng. Especially Elena. She worries that she will lose the man she looks up to, her mentor.” Aeris leaned forward in her seat, one of her hands coming to rest on his own, causing him to look up at her. “It is not easy bearing the burdens on your own shoulders. Believe me, I know.”

He exhaled. “Perhaps you are correct, but I have kept it locked for so long, I believe I have forgotten where I have placed the key. Nor do I think I can easily give my heart to someone, anyone for that matter. Not when it has been ingrained so deeply within me that everything I am… is wrong.”

Aeris nodded. “When I first started to hear the voices, the screams in the middle of the night, I was scared, too. When ghosts popped out of the shadows and begged me to deliver their messages and a horde of nameless and indistinguishable cries reached my ears, I wanted to run and hide.” She paused, her eyes darkening for just a moment. “It took a lot of courage and faith in myself before I even listened to what they were saying. And after that, I didn’t feel alone anymore.”

Alone.
It was a thing that Tseng knew all too well, the consuming emptiness deep inside because no one understood. He lowered his gaze in thought as he considered her words.

Aeris continued as he was absorbing it all, the words striking a deep chord in him. “You may have been born in Wutai, Tseng, but your home, your family… those that care about you, they exist here. And I assure you that no matter what they think of you, we are not going to leave you. Beliefs are what you make of them, good and evil from the perspective of your heart, not driven in pre-established notions.”

Her words echoed in his mind, bouncing back and forth within his cranial cavity and causing him to furrow his brow in thought. For so long he had restricted his actions to those that could be rationalized, those that could be explained and understood. The voices belonged in the category of the supernatural, so he pushed them away. Forming attachments was a grave error that resulted in him making foolish mistakes.

Perhaps it was time he changed his way of thinking.

A small smile quirked at the corner of his mouth. “Elena sent you, didn’t she?” he questioned.

Aeris laughed as she shook her head. “Believe it or not… no. I was responding to something a bit deeper than that. I know that I don’t have the right words to just say something and make it all click for you, but I do hope I have given you food for thought to make it easier.”

The Wutaiian nodded. “That you have. I must admit that I was brooding before you came, and now, I’ll probably be brooding more, though it will more than likely have more results.”

There was another friendly grin before Aeris patted his hand and slowly, laboriously rose to her feet, wincing a little as a hand went to her belly. “Well, I’ll let you get back to work. I have to go find my husband. Last I heard, he was wandering about the building.”

“I think he’s near the training center. I passed him on my way here. He may or may not have been looking for Zack,” Tseng informed her.

“Thanks,” she said with a wink. “I’ll see you later, Tseng. Don’t work too hard. And think about it, kay?”

He inclined his head. “I will. Take care, Aeris.”

With that, the flower-girl disappeared out the door with it clicking shut silently behind her. The entire conversation had taken less than ten minutes, but already, he felt somewhat calmer. His emotions were still swirling, his thoughts in disarray, but Aeris had brought up some valid points that he would have to consider. Somehow, though she had thought she didn’t, she knew the exact words to say.

The perspective of his heart, indeed.

With a slight smile quirking at the corner of his lips, Tseng picked up his pen and returned his attention to the boring documents. It was high time he got some work done.

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A/N: A somewhat longer than usual chapter but you might want to get used to it. All the recent ones are starting to extend. Don’t know why....

Review please!