Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Shattered Dreams ❯ Aftermath ( Chapter 67 )

Chapter 67: Aftermath

Zack's hand was incredibly cold in his. Lifeless and clammy, lacking the exuberant warmth that he usually exuded. The chair he was sitting in was uncomfortable, hard and unyielding beneath him but he wasn't about to move. He had some vague, irrational belief that if he stayed by his best friend long enough, Zack would miraculously awaken.

 

It was a futile, hopeless thought.

 

Unconsciously squeezing the limp fingers in his grasp, Sephiroth raised his head from his other hand. His gaze swept over Zack's unconscious form, the few bandages and the comforting steady rise and fall of his chest. Guilt tightened inside of Sephiroth so strongly that he choked on it. While deep down inside he thoroughly wished he were the god he had once claimed to be because then he could have healed him.

 

Then he could be worth something more than sitting uselessly at Zack's side.

 

He didn't know what happened, couldn't even begin to guess. But he did know that he was partly to blame, mostly to blame. He was supposed to be watching Zack's back. It was his duty to help protect him. It was like Nibelheim all over again, his weaknesses consuming him.

 

And now, his emotions were raging out of his control, oscillating out of his command at an instant. He was full of rage and despair, consumed by a helpless feeling and tears kept burning at the back of his eyelids. Yet, he didn't weep... couldn't cry. Not even for his best friend or the man that had died, leaving him to lead these people alone. And with Zack unconscious and Sephiroth's grief threatening to envelop him completely, that horrible feeling of loneliness was beginning to surface again.

 

Being alone was a feeling he was all too familiar with.

 

He hadn't realized how much he depended on Zack to keep him sane until that stability was taken out from under him. And now, everyone knew how thin and tenuous his grasp on sanity was. For what was perhaps the third time that day, Sephiroth began to wonder if Jenova was really gone.

 

It didn't help that Valentine was beginning to question the same thing.

 

Hazy and scattered, flashes of fear and pain... a ripping, burning and screams lodged in his throat, such dreams lingered on his conscious when he slowly opened his eyes. He blinked rapidly in the harsh sunlight and it took several moments for him to register his surroundings... that he was lying on a bed somewhere.

 

It was another minute before he could firmly recall what he last remembered. Barret's accusation, his own madness, finding himself trapped in the nightmare of his past... and then nothing but darkness washing over him. It was an empty darkness, where he floated in ignorance and blissful peace, even if only for a short time.

 

Again. It had happened again and this time, everyone was witness to his insanity. There was no hiding or denying it.

 

Releasing a small, resigned sigh, Sephiroth raised a shaky hand and rubbed it over his face. His senses prickled and he belatedly realized that he was not alone, wherever he was.

 

“You're awake,” a voice stated, a very familiar and calm tone.

 

Sephiroth nodded, sliding his hand away and turning his head to find Vincent sitting in a chair at his side. “What happened?” His voice was raspy.

 

Grey eyes regarded him thoughtfully before Vincent rose to his feet and headed over to the window. “I think you already know,” he replied enigmatically, tugging on the curtains to block the dawn currently trying to blind Sephiroth. “I had to put you to sleep.”

 

“It was probably for the best.”

 

Vincent was silent a moment as he considered Sephiroth's words, his gaze locked on the view from the window. Not that there was much to see other than plumes of grey smoke rising in the distance. He could only assume that it was where Midgar once lay.

 

“That's happened before... hasn't it?”

 

The former General flushed as he looked away, locking his eyes on the white-washed wall. “Unfortunately, yes. Not long after you took me to meet my--Lucrecia.”

 

“Yes, well. She tends to have that effect on everyone.” He paused as he turned away from the window, returning to his chair and settling into it with his usual inherent grace. “I understand why you kept it a secret.”

 

Sephiroth sighed as he moved into a sitting position, leaning back against the headboard. “You do perhaps, but the others will not.” He winced, his back pounding from the sudden shift but he pushed the pain aside.

 

“I will deal with the others...even Barret if I must. But he is partly to blame. His words were the trigger, yes?” When Sephiroth nodded, Vincent continued. “And I am sure Zack's condition is not helping matters.”

 

At the reminder of his best friend's injury, Sephiroth flinched, remembering his own blame. His eyes lowered to the ground, staring at the clean and swept wooden floor. “No, it is not.” He paused before deciding that if there was anyone he told other than Zack, Valentine was the best choice. “Zack thinks that she might not be gone.” It went without saying whom `she' was.

 

Vincent hummed thoughtfully. “Hmm. It's a possibility.” He shifted in his position before turning his grey, penetrating gaze to the younger man. “Can you handle it?”

 

Sephiroth frowned in confusion. “What?”

 

The other man sighed. “In the future... will you lose control again?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“At least you're honest.” Vincent rose to his feet then, brushing down non-existent fuzz from his clothes. “Regardless of what Barret thinks, you are the best leader we have.”

 

Sephiroth snorted. “I'm the only leader you have. That's not reassuring.”

 

“Perhaps.” He turned towards the door before continuing. “Don't forget to keep your promise to Denzel. I would also recommend going to see Zack... and possibly Aeris as well. That battle is not yet through and your forces are numbered.”

 

He stepped forward to leave but Sephiroth quickly interjected before he could get far. “Why?”

 

Vincent halted. “It may do you some good.”

 

“No. I mean, why do this?” He paused, taking a deep breath as he searched for the right words. Dammit, but he was no good at this. “Why help me for lack of a better word.”

 

The other man was silent a moment, the seconds ticking by in the strange quiet. Sephiroth almost believed that he was not going to get his answer until Valentine suddenly shook his head. He shifted to look at Sephiroth over one shoulder, a strange emotion glinting behind his grey eyes.

 

“Because in your eyes, I thought that perhaps we had suffered the same,” he answered enigmatically before stepping towards the door.

 

Sephiroth frowned slightly, uncertain of what the man meant. He knew that they both underwent mako treatments and body alterations. That much was plainly obvious. But to what else could Vincent have been referring?

 

“I leave you alone for a few hours and look what happens.” The voice pulled him from his recollections in an instant.

Sephiroth blinked, looking up to find Gilgamesh standing at his side, an unreadable expression on his face. He scowled. “Tch. Fine time for you to show up. Where have you been?” he demanded, able to take out his irritation on his anima since there was no other outlet.

 

Gilgamesh raised a brow. “Don't bring your frustration to me,” he admonished before sweeping his gaze over Zack's prone form. “I am not to blame for the Wolf Child's condition.”

 

“Then who is?”

 

The demi-deity shook his head. “This is not of our doing. This has something to do with the planet. It is one of the many things that we discussed at the conclave.”

 

Sephiroth frowned, head tilted to the side. “Conclave?” he repeated with little comprehension. The word sounded archaic, even more so than the history texts he had studied in what seemed like such a long time ago.

 

“It is what you mortals would call a war council, in less words,” Gilgamesh answered. “We discussed the outcome of the battle as well as the losses to both sides. There are several deities that were extinguished.”

 

Mossy eyes blinked. “Extinguished?” He felt little more than a parrot, repeating Gilgamesh's words back at him. But he didn't understand what the demi-deity was referring.

 

Gilgamesh sighed, turning his body to rake his gaze over the rest of the infirmary. Both Cid and Yuffie were fast asleep in their beds, looking very much bruised but at least alive. Though the pilot's rest seemed somewhat agitated and Gilgamesh wasn't quite sure where Valentine was currently located. Either way, the both of them wouldn't be in the battle to come. The deity doubted their significant others would allow it.

 

His eyes then flickered to the cordoned off area at the far back of the infirmary, where Reeve was currently in a coma. He could just make out the bright flash of Reno's red hair just beyond. There was another situation that he just couldn't fathom. It wasn't an injury that they were accustomed to dealing with. Never in their history had there ever been a forced separation.

 

“There are two ways to win in battle over another demi-deity,” Gilgamesh finally began, his tone slightly distracted. “They can be defeated... or destroyed. It is against our laws to destroy a deity. Not to mention rare and extremely dangerous. I've explained this before.”

 

Sephiroth waved him off. “The explosion of power,” he commented. A frown marred his features as he looked down at the limp hand clasped tightly by his. He fought down the surge of guilt and struggled to concentrate on the matter at hand.

 

“How many?”

 

His animus remained impassive, yet something in Gilgamesh's stance made Sephiroth believe otherwise. A subtle stiffening of his back, a shifting of his weight... he had been taught to recognize such things. “Six, including two from our own side.”

 

Mossy eyes widened in shock, not suspecting that large of a number. “What kind of implications will that have on the battle to come?”

 

Gilgamesh sighed. “Unfortunately, the materia they supported will be unstable for quite some time, until the fluctuations manage to subside.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“Both Lightning and Contain,” his anima answered succinctly. “To make matters worse, the others have pulled their powers from the materia they supported. Thus the reason your Fire and Comet did not work.”

 

Sephiroth frowned again. This was going to make the battle that much more difficult for them. His mind flickered to the recent skirmishes, a sudden understanding dawning over him.

 

“Then Midgar and Icicle...?”

 

Crimson eyes were solemn as Gilgamesh inclined his head. “Completely obliterated by the fall of Iblion and his foes,” he finished for him, returning his gaze to Sephiroth as he ceased his perusal of the infirmary. “Balaam is still cloaking his movements from us. We don't know his plans or his location. I know my son. He will attack soon.”

 

“If you know him, then can't you guess what his plans are?” Sephiroth asked with rising annoyance. He stood, gently releasing Zack's hand and laying it back at his side.

 

Gilgamesh was remarkably patient, considering he could sense his animus' mounting irritation. He understood, for the most part. Sephiroth was mortal and so was Zack. He was afraid for his friend, afraid of losing someone that meant very much to him. Compound that with the guilt for a plan that he believed failed, and Sephiroth had nowhere to place his anger. It could do nothing but rage inside of him and unfortunately, direct itself to those less deserving. Gilgamesh understood all that, perhaps a little too well.

 

“No, I cannot,” he admitted. “But someone in your group can.” He was deliberately vague, wanting the other male to come to the conclusion on his own.

 

Sephiroth's brow furrowed as he considered it. How could a mortal know anything of the plans of an immortal? It wasn't as if anyone he knew was psychic... A chill swept through him as another realization struck him all too slowly for his liking. How he had been blind to it before remained unclear. Perhaps his fascination with the Turk had interfered.

 

“He won't do it.” Sephiroth sighed, shaking his head. “He won't even listen to his anima.” He paused, reconsidering his words and remembering the man's actions at the meeting. “Honestly, he is afraid of doing so.”

 

“He is frightened of the pain it would bring,” Gilgamesh corrected. “Both of reminders to his past and the agony involved in hearing a thousand voices pleading within his mind.”

 

Voices. Unfortunately, Sephiroth understood Tseng's fear over those all too well. And now he could already feel a headache beginning to pulse at the back of his eyes. He sent a silent apology to his friend before turning to leave the infirmary. He and Gilgamesh needed to finish their conversation elsewhere.

 

They slipped out, passing by Valentine who was heading in. The former Turk shot them a confused glance but didn't stop to ask any questions. He merely inclined his head and immediately headed to the pilot's side. And neither of the pair seemed to notice the set of aquamarine eyes that had been surreptitiously eavesdropping on them the entire time.

 

In the hallway, Sephiroth stepped out of the path of a hurrying, nameless face and rubbed his temple with his finger. “Fear or not, I don't think anything I could say would convince him otherwise.”

 

“You have no choice,” Gilgamesh argued, his cloaks swishing around his feet as they walked down the hall. The silence was somewhat unnerving. “You can't afford to wait until Balaam shows himself again, or there won't be anything left of Gaia to save.”

 

“I realize that!” Sephiroth snapped, beginning to lose his patience in an uncharacteristic manner. “I am well aware of the time limit, of the purpose, of my own damn blame. I've not forgotten any of it.” He came to an abrupt stop, whirling on his heels to glare at the older male. “I can't do everything and I especially cannot force Tseng to do what he refuses.”

 

Gilgamesh's jaw set with his own exasperation. “He will if you let him know it is our only option.” When Sephiroth snorted in disbelief, Gilgamesh elaborated, “If he would for once listen to his animus, the voices and the visions could be controlled. His animus would help him. He was specifically chosen for that reason. You must talk to him.”

 

Mossy eyes cut to the side as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Exactly how do you suggest then? I've never been any good at this sort of thing.”

 

A smirk gradually appeared on Gilgamesh's glower as he garnered amusement from his animus' discomfort. “I am sure you will think of something,” he commented. “Now, I must go. There are some things that I must discuss with Seiryu.”

 

Sephiroth waved him off, a frown crinkling his brow. “Go on then. Irritate someone else for a change.”

 

The deity promptly disappeared in a flutter of crimson cloaks, leaving Sephiroth alone to his thoughts in the hallway. He knew he had to find Tseng and speak to him, but somewhat dreaded it. Not only was the topic a sensitive subject for the Turk, but lingering bouts of embarrassment for what had happened earlier still burned at his cheeks. He didn't know if he could face Tseng with a straight face.

 

Or loose slacks for that matter. Curse his self-imposed years of abstinence. Or maybe Zack was right. Perhaps a dunk in the Lifestream really did make one's libido skyrocket.

 

Sephiroth paused, cocking his head to the side before chuckling in amusement at himself. Actually thinking to believe one of Zack's inane hypotheses meant he was really losing his mind.

 

Either way, Gilgamesh was right.

 

Tseng was their only hope.

 

- - - - -

 

She ate only because Midori needed the nutrition. She slept when her body gave into her exhaustion and let blessed unconsciousness consume her. Otherwise the memories continued flashing over and over through her mind, the last pieces other than her daughter, that she had of Cloud. And Aeris smiled because she feared that if she started to weep, it would never end.

 

It was the only way she could endure the gnawing ache inside of her. Loneliness was a consuming, gripping feeling, she had come to learn. And nothing was filling her hollow heart. Even her daughter was quiet inside of her, as if she knew what had happened to her father.

 

It simply wasn't fair.

 

For all that they had suffered already, for all of the trials they had already endured... they had only wanted peace... happiness. Yet, Cloud had been taken from her. And she hadn't done anything but stand by and watch. She'd had no choice in leaving him behind.

 

“It wasn't your fault.” The words were accompanied by a slight surge of magic as Hephaestion swirled into existence. He stood beside where she sat on a chair, staring out the window at the cresting waves on the darkened sea. It didn't bring her much calm, but she had little else to do.

 

Her fatigue was far too great to actually go anywhere.

 

Jade eyes, shimmering but refusing to cry, hardened. “I know that,” she responded stiffly. “I never said that it was.”

 

“But you do feel as if there was something you could have done,” her anima pressed gently, his tone kind as usual. It did nothing to soothe her turmoiled heart however.

 

Aeris blinked but it was a moment before she responded, unconsciously rubbing her belly. “In my state, there was nothing I could do. Cloud... he... he knew what was going to happen somehow. And I know he would have wanted Midori's safety above all else.”

 

Hephaestion sighed before laying a gentle hand on her shoulder, attempting to be comforting. “He died protecting you both, as he always wanted to do.”

 

She sucked in a shuddery breath before shrugging out from under his touch, forcing his hand to slide off of her shoulder. “Please,” she pleaded softly. “Don't try to comfort me.”

 

“It's not--”

 

“That is not what I meant,” she corrected hastily. “It's only that... if you do, then I fear I will start crying and never stop.” She paused, feeling her lips trembling, and quickly tried to reign in her cresting emotions. “I can't afford to mourn right now.”

 

Hephaestion nodded in understanding, kind eyes darkened in a reflection of his animus' grief. “Is there nothing I can do to ease your pain?”

 

“Not unless you can raise the dead,” she responded bitterly. “But I know that the time for those sorts of miracles is not now. The planet has already told me as much. To do anymore than what has already been done will upset the already irregular balance of spirits in the Lifestream.” She halted in her speech, swallowing thickly over the huge lump in her throat as her other hand clenched all too tightly on the arm of her chair. It was the only physical indication of her grief.

 

Her animus opened his mouth to speak again, perhaps more words of hollow comfort that did nothing for her pain, when a knock echoed through the small room. She was currently sharing the quarters with Reis and Denzel, the amount of space limited in Fort Condor. Aeris wasn't sure how the others were arranged and hadn't really thought about it, to be honest. Reis had left not but ten minutes before, to go see if she could coax Reno to eat and check on her brother and Denzel was currently with her mother.

 

She cleared her throat. “Come in,” the flower-girl called out, noticing that her voice was faintly raspy. Beside her, Hephaestion disappeared in a brief sparkle and flux of power, giving her the privacy she might have needed.

 

The door creaked open as a blond head popped in through the small crack. It was Elena. “Up for a visitor?” the Turk questioned, a small and sad smile on her face. It was clear that she was merely putting on a front.

 

Aeris nodded. “Yes, Elena. Come on in.”

 

The Turk slid inside and closed the door behind her. Considering that they were on the residential floor of Fort Condor and many were milling about in the halls, it was a wise decision. Jade eyes watched her entrance, only to be hit with a sudden realization. Seeing the slight sag to Elena's shoulders and her obvious attempts at remaining cheer, Aeris remembered that she was not the only one who suffered.

 

Not only was Zack in a coma with an injury that no one could discern, but Reeve was as well, in a remarkably worse condition. Cid and Yuffie were injured but would recover, though it still left them out of the battle. Also, Elena had recently lost her anima. And it showed. Dark circles ringed her normally bright blue eyes and worry pinched lines around her face, making her look much older than her young years.

 

As Elena gently lowered herself into the chair beside the flower-girl, Aeris turned towards her. “What's going on?”

 

Elena shook her head, loose blond locks falling over her eyes. “Nothing,” she admitted, shifting her gaze to the window. “I just thought you could use some company. Well, that and I was looking for Tseng. Have you seen him?”

 

“No, sorry.” Silence fell between them for a moment before Aeris sighed. “How's Zack?”

 

A slight smile tugged at the corner of Elena's mouth, her hands twisting in her lap from where she had clasped them together. “I don't suppose there is any change. I really don't know.”

 

Aeris blinked. “You haven't gone to see him?”

 

“I've tried but Sephiroth is hogging him. I don't think he's moved from Zack's side since he woke up earlier.” Just the faintest traces of amusement were evident in Elena's words.

 

The other female hummed thoughtfully. “Don't hold it against him. They are really close.”

 

“Oh, I know,” Elena quickly inserted, assuring Aeris as she nodded. “I almost thought I had something to worry about but then I realized that it's not like that. Besides, Zack's completely straight.” She paused, tilting her head to the side as she considered. “Then again, what man wouldn't look at Sephiroth and want to go gay... even for a minute?”

 

Aeris nodded. “Yes, I see your point. What about Sephiroth? Did he look--”

 

“Sane?” Elena supplied helpfully.

 

The flower-girl winced. “For lack of a better word.”

 

“He was tired, grieving, and obviously distressed but sane.... I can't say.” Elena sighed. “All of us are probably at that breaking point and he's had more shit than I even want to know or think about.” She flickered her gaze to the darkened cresting waves out beyond them. “Though if I hadn't seen how he was with Zack, I might have thought it would be better to lock him away.”

 

“And you?”

 

Blue eyes blinked in confusion. “Me?”

 

“Yes. How are you holding up?”

 

Elena's face was grim as she turned towards Aeris. “I should be asking you that question.”

 

“Or more like we should be asking each other.” Aeris shifted slightly in her seat, her hand rubbing comfortingly over her belly as Midori stirred.

 

The Turk nodded. “Fair enough, I suppose.” She paused as she considered the question, her eyes falling towards the floor. “I didn't know him long so I cannot really grieve like you are for Cloud but... there is an emptiness inside. It feels as if I am missing something.” She shook her head as a humorless chuckle escaped her. “I spent three hours earlier looking for something I was sure I had lost before I realized I was actually thinking of Raijin.”

 

“That effect will probably last for sometime,” Aeris mused thoughtfully, remembering the lesson in bonds that Hephaestion had given her a long time ago.

 

Elena shifted in her seat, quiet for a moment as the two of them stared out the window at the scenery. It wasn't awkward by any means, but the female Turk was searching for the right words to say without sounding either insensitive or like she was coddling Aeris. It was a thin line to walk.

 

“And you?” she began slowly, cutting her eyes only briefly to Aeris to gauge her reaction. “Have you been able to speak to Cloud?” she asked, remembering that Aeris was an ancient and therefore capable of hearing the words of the Lifestream.

 

Aeris shook her head. “Not yet, it is much too soon.” One of her hands clenched at her side. “The planet cries for him,” she added in a much softer voice. “Both for him and the loss of her protectors, Raijin included. I can distinguish no singular voice, but many, all screaming their pain and loss. I sense fear as well, and apprehension.”

 

Elena frowned, brow furrowing. “Fear?” she repeated.

 

Jade eyes darkened, emotions flitting across the emerald surface so quickly that Elena couldn't catch them. Then she realized that was because they weren't Aeris' emotions, but reflections of what the planet was emanating towards the ancient. Not only her own grief but that of Gaia's as well, no wonder Aeris was refusing to be comforted. She would need all the strength she could gather.

 

“Yes. The planet knows Balaam is up to something and fears that we might not be strong enough to overcome. Especially since we have lost so many on our side, both to injury and fatality.”

 

Blue eyes searched Aeris' face before Elena hung her head, feeling the sudden need to apologize. “I'm sorry,” she said softly. “If we hadn't left Midgar...”

 

“If you hadn't left Midgar Cloud might not have died, is that what you want to say?” Aeris said, finishing her statement.

 

When Elena nodded, the flower girl sighed. “That's not something that can be said with certainty. It's not your fault, it's not Reeve's fault... it's not even Sephiroth's fault. He did the best he could with what he was given. I know Barret's grief has turned into anger towards Sephiroth but there was nothing that Sephiroth could do anymore than he had.” She paused, taking a deep breath as she rubbed at her belly, Midori gradually settling down within her. “As much as it pains me to know it, the results were most likely a part of Cloud's destiny. And I'm certain he died happy to protect Midori and I.”

 

“I came here to try and cheer you up... and yet you are the one making me feel better,” Elena commented, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her eyes.

 

“You came here looking for Tseng,” Aeris corrected.

 

The Turk shook her head. “Only in part,” she assured her before changing the subject. “I'm not a person with many close companions and the Turks are just about the only family I have. But I'd like to think that you are my friend. I know that my own pain is stifling so yours must be ten times worse. If you need me, I am here, even if you don't want the comfort now.”

 

Aeris smiled, a warm feeling beginning to chase away the shattered chill inside of her. “Thank you for understanding.”

 

Elena nodded before slowly rising to her feet. “No problem.” She fidgeted with her clothing, in dire need of changing, before continuing. “I'm going to see if I can find Tseng. I have a feeling he's doing something stupid right now.”

 

Though curious as to what Tseng would be doing that his subordinate would consider stupid, Aeris refrained from asking. A knock on her door hindered any question she would have asked anyways.

 

“I'm just popular today,” she commented lightly as Elena headed for the door, opening it with a quiet creak. Four pairs of eyes stared back at her. Shera and Elmyra, along with the two children, stood out in the hall.

 

“Have you seen Rude?” Shera asked as Elmyra and the kids slid past Elena into the room.

 

The Turk shook her head. “No. Have you seen Tseng?”

 

The brunette laughed lightly. “Not a sign. Perhaps they are hiding together?”

 

Elena stepped out into the hall beside her, closing the door with a quiet click. “Want to look together?” she suggested amicably. “Maybe even do a bit of scheming while we're at it?”

 

“Scheming, you say?” Shera repeated as they started down the hall at a light pace, heading towards the infirmary first. She idly rubbed her belly. “I might be able to enjoy a bit of scheming. Who's the unlucky candidate?”

 

Elena managed a mischievous grin. “You'll have to wait and see.”

 

- - - - -

 

The quiet in the infirmary was unnerving. Every noise seemed decibels louder than it really was. The beep of the monitor. The whirr of some machine. The low murmur of conversation somewhere beyond his ears. The pungent, crisp odor of antiseptic and bleach... Reno had always hated hospitals. He avoided them at all costs. He had no explanation for it except maybe that he equated them with dying and Reno was remarkably aware of his own mortality.

 

Of the two of them, he never expected himself to be the one worrying over Reeve. He was always the reckless one. Reno was the Turk, the one who faced down death every day and put his life on the line. Reeve was the sensible one, the one that Reno was glad he didn't have to worry over. Reeve was supposed to keep safe.

 

Except that he hadn't. Because Reeve's heart was kind and his need to do something too strong.

 

Inwardly, Reno realized that he was pissed off on top of his grief. Reeve should have been nowhere near the battle. Their orders were to remain in Midgar, that had been Sephiroth's plan. And even if Midgar had been attacked, it was likely the outcome would have been much different.

 

Maybe Reeve wouldn't be hurt. Maybe Cloud wouldn't have died. And maybe Reno should have stayed behind.

 

It was the maybes that were killing him. The “what ifs” and the “should haves,” all those thoughts kept swirling around in his head. They kept twisting and turning so rapidly that he felt he couldn't breathe. Tears burned at the back of his eyelids... tears of fear and worry, of helplessness and anger. Of regret for something he couldn't have prevented.

 

Reno couldn't do anything. He was just as powerless as Sephiroth. He couldn't save Reeve; he couldn't pull a miracle out of his ass. All he could do was sit by his husband's side and wish. And hope, a word he hadn't really known the meaning of until he met Reeve.

 

But the world wasn't saved by wishes and dreams. He couldn't find some magic rainbow to heal his lover. The doctors didn't know what to do. Not even the damn omnipotent deities knew what to do. So Reno was left with no hope but to cling to his husband's hand and wish.

 

He wished wholeheartedly that the damn great god out there wasn't seeking to punish him for all the terrible things he had done in his life. The Turks were his family and he loved them dearly, but Reeve was his life. There was no comparison. He couldn't survive if Reeve left him.

 

Reno hated the feeling of being helpless above all things. And with that emotion came anger and hatred. Irrational fury towards Seiryu and the other `faithful'. He had even refused Asclepius' comfort because at the moment, he simply couldn't look at anything that reminded him of the cause for Reeve's injury. He wanted to scream and cry and rage at everything. And nothing. His worry and his anger compounded into a burning hate. A loathing for Balaam and his cronies. He wanted blood.

 

But most of all, he just wanted Reeve, awake and alive and unharmed.

 

“What am I supposed to do?” The broken whisper barely pierced the silence. “Tell me Reeve, what am I supposed to do if you leave?”

 

A timid voice broke through his thoughts just then, along with the quiet rustling of a curtain. Blinking out of his daze, Reno lifted his red-rimmed gaze towards the small slit in the curtain. A familiar face, equally mournful and concerned, stared back at him.

 

“Reis,” he croaked, his voice raspy and thick from trying not to weep and failing.

 

Amber eyes filled with tears before she suddenly rushed into the room, wrapping her arms around him. “I'm sorry,” she whispered fervently, hugging him tightly. “I'm so sorry. If I had known... I would have stopped him.”

 

Reno swallowed thickly, over the lump in his throat. “He's stubborn; he wouldn't have listened.”

 

“I don't think he would have listened to anyone,” another voice added in.

 

At the familiar voice, Reis withdrew from Reno's arms and stepped back, allowing him to rise to his feet. He graciously allowed her his chair before moving to sit down on the bed next to his lover, his hand automatically seeking out Reeve's before aquamarine eyes turned to the male that had entered after Reis. He had almost forgotten about Archer.

 

“Is there any change?” Reis inserted gently.

 

Reno shook his head, turning away from her to run his eyes over Reeve's pale face. His breath rose and fell steadily and his skin remained warm but he just wouldn't awaken. He hadn't even moved. That overwhelming feeling of guilt began to surge up within him again. And with it came the fear, the consuming fear that Reno would be left alone again.

 

His breath constricted in his chest, making it difficult to breathe, and without his consent, his body began a light tremble.

 

“I'm surprised Seiryu and Asclepius aren't here,” Archer commented, his words barely breaking through Reno's haze.

 

The Turk's head snapped up as he swiveled his gaze around, aquamarine eyes narrowing coldly. “I sent them away,” he stated dully.

 

Surprise registered on the engineer's features while Reis merely looked slightly confused. No one had really explained the truth about all the strange beings she had seen, but a sensible girl, she had taken it all in stride. Besides, now wasn't the time to ask questions.

 

“What?”

 

Reno shook his head again, anger beginning a dull beat inside of him. “I didn't want to see any of them. It's their fault.”

 

The other man grasped for words, Tiamat a bit taken aback by Reno's statement as well. “But... surely there's something they can do or--”

 

“I said no!” Reno snapped, giving Archer no time to complete his statement. He glared angrily, warning Archer against saying anything further.

 

Wisely, Archer fell silent. His eyes fell away from Reno. Beside him, Reis sensed the strange atmosphere and tried to change the subject. She rose from her seat and moved in front of her brother-in-law, her amber eyes taking careful stock of his appearance. From a doctor's perspective, he looked like shit, and that was a medical term.

 

Dark circles ringed the man's normally bright eyes and he hadn't even changed his clothes since returning from the Lost Grounds. They were rumpled and spotted with stains, both blood and smoke from a fire. His face was smudged with ash and soot, his hair laying limply against his scalp and somewhere, he had lost his goggles, leaving strands of red hair to fall in his eyes.

 

“Reno, when was the last time you slept?” she asked, trying to keep her voice light.

 

He shrugged noncommittally. “Dunno.” Truthfully, he hadn't tried or wanted to. The irrational belief that if he left Reeve's side something terrible would happen that he couldn't prevent kept him from doing anything but sitting there.

 

Reis sighed. “Go sleep. I'll watch over Reeve.”

 

“No, I can't...” he trailed off, unable to come up with a good argument. How could he impress upon her the need to remain by his husband's side? Even if, honestly, there was nothing he could do.

 

“What?” she interrupted, one brow faintly twitching. “You don't trust me to take care of my own brother?” she demanded in a slight sharp tone. “Go get a few hours sleep. I'll wake you if there's any changes.

 

Reno wanted to argue; the words were on the tip of his tongue. His eyes slid back to Reeve, feeling his heart crumple just a bit more.

 

Reis was quick to notice his hesitation. Her eyes flickered to Archer. “Will you take him somewhere to rest?” she asked quietly before stepping slightly away from her brother-in-law, lowering her voice so that he couldn't hear. “And use a Sleep if necessary. Reeve would kill me if I let Reno make himself ill.”

 

The engineer nodded and moved to gently lay a hand on Reno's elbow, body tensed to avoid a strike just in case Reno reacted violently. Nanaki had already told him earlier of Reno's anger. Yet, the Turk merely sighed and rose to his feet, resigned. He leaned over Reeve, brushing a few longish strands of dark hair off the man's forehead before pressing his lips in a parting kiss. He made a mental note to get Reeve a haircut when he woke up.

 

Not if, but when.

 

“I promise,” Reis vowed as Archer lightly pulled Reno away from the hospital bed. “I'll run to get you if he even twitches.”

 

“Thanks,” Reno rasped as he reluctantly allowed Archer to lead him out of the infirmary, passing by the others as he did so. His gaze flickered over them briefly.

 

Yuffie was sleeping soundly in her bed, Nanaki nowhere in sight. A doctor was checking Zack's vital signs, which had stabilized though he still showed no sign of wakening. And Cid and Vincent seemed to be in conversation, though their tones were too low for Reno to understand what they were discussing.

 

Vincent was adjusting Cid's bed, though it didn't really need adjusting. It was more or less something to keep his hands busy as Cid watched him with some amusement on his face. His shoulder ached and his head throbbed, but really, what could be better than Vincent fussing over him? It wasn't often that that happened.

 

“I must be dreaming,” Cid murmured as the blanket was tucked around him again, dark hair brushing across his body. Vincent had lost his tie somewhere in the battle, not that the pilot minded. He liked seeing his hair free.

 

Grey eyes shot him a confused look as Vincent paused, brow furrowed. Until sudden recognition dawned on him and he shook his head. “Sap,” the gunman teased, remembering another time that Cid had told him the same thing.

 

Cid grunted. “Mebbe.” He reached up and grabbed Vincent's wrist with his uninjured arm, forcing Vincent to cease his unnecessary actions. “Sit down, you're making me nervous with all that flitting about,” he muttered.

 

As Vincent moved towards the chair, Cid shook his head and tugged on the gunman's arm, pulling him towards him. “Not on that chair.” He patted the bed.

 

“You're injured,” Vincent protested, making no moves to seat himself.

 

Cid rolled his eyes. “I'm not a fuckin' invalid, Vin. Sit.”

 

With a scowl, Vincent obeyed, only because Cid was injured and therefore deserved to be pampered just a little bit. And perhaps because Vincent felt guilty for Cid's condition in the first place. If he had been just a bit faster... He perched carefully on the space that Cid left for him, scooting over on the bed.

 

A spear-calloused hand grabbed his own and gave it a brief squeeze before releasing him. “Talk to me. It's boring as hell in here.”

 

Vincent raised a brow. “If you would sleep like you're supposed to, you wouldn't know enough to be bored.”

 

Cid snorted. “Don't need to sleep. I'm perfectly fine.”

 

“With a chunk missing out of your shoulder, a burn on your back and a hole in your leg, I'm sure,” Vincent replied drolly.

 

“Hey, I can still fight,” Cid argued defensively. “I'm not defenseless.”

 

Vincent shot him an even stare. “You're not going, Cid.”

 

His eyes raked over the thick bandages wrapped around the pilot's shoulder, barely keeping the wound in check. Baal had brought the antidote for Byakko's bite earlier but the injury was still taking a bit longer than normal to heal. The deity had explained it was because of the broken bond. Vincent wasn't quite sure what that had to do with anything but wasn't really interested in hearing the lengthy explanation.

 

“You're not leaving me behind,” Cid countered stubbornly. “I already told your Turk ass that once already. Where you go, I go.”

 

Vincent sighed, reaching up to rub his forehead with one finger. He sensed that a headache would be soon to come. “You're injured, Cid. You can barely lift a hand much less a spear with that arm.”

 

“Your point?”

 

He stared for a minute before reaching forward with one hand and lightly poking Cid's bandaged shoulder, barely pressing a finger to it. Cid immediately hissed and recoiled from the touch, pain flashing in his blue eyes. “Wha the fuck was that for?” he demanded. “Damn that hurt.”

 

The next bed over, another patient shot them an annoyed look, probably for the extensive cursing but Vincent ignored her. “My point is made,” he responded. “Don't make me cast Sleep on you like I would a child. Byakko's bite has made you weak.”

 

When Cid scowled and looked as if he would argue some more, Vincent sighed again and leaned closer, using his last resort. “Don't make me worry any more than I already am,” he added, resorting to a sappy, romantic declaration that wasn't really his style.

 

It had the desired effect however, and Cid sucked in a deep breath, argument deflating. “I can't watch you if I'm lying here on this hospital bed,” he muttered with some petulance.

 

An amused smile tugged at the corner of the former Turk's mouth. “I think that between Erebus and Baal I will have all the protection I need. Perhaps even more than I want.”

 

A short bark of laughter escaped Cid before he winced and toned it down. “Shouldn't laugh that hard,” he mumbled before returning his attentions to Vincent. “If I can't go then you have to promise me something.” `

”What is it?” Vincent asked, somewhat warily. A sudden thought occurred to him. “Not kids is it?”

 

Cid laughed again before regretting the action. “Dammit, Vince, don't say stuff like that. Of course it's not kids.” He shook his head, regaining somewhat of that familiar sparkle to his sky blue eyes. “Leave those to homemaker Reeve. We can spoil his brats or something. Nah, I'm talking about a vacation. You, me, and somewhere warm. You owe me.”

 

“I owe you?” Vincent repeated skeptically.

 

Cid scoffed. “Figures you'd forget. Mideel ring a bell?”

 

“Ah, I remember now. The date,” Vincent replied, a teasing note to his voice.

 

“Not a date, a vacation,” Cid reminded him with a wag of his finger. “I figure, when all this is over, we can go somewhere and get lost for a while. Hide away from everyone.”

 

Vincent hummed thoughtfully, his mind instantly recalling all that had happened to him since he had awoken. Other than the brief and peaceful months spent with the Loire family, it had been nonstop battle and pain. A vacation was certainly something to look forward to and an easy promise to make. He had no plans on dying in this battle. He was through with sacrifices. He still had hope that Erebus and the others would come up with a better after-battle alternative. And he would hope for that until the last possible moment.

 

“All right,” Vincent answered with a nod. “I think I can promise as much.”

 

“Good.” Cid grinned. “Now how about finding me some real food. This mush wouldn't even sell to birds.” He jerked a thumb towards the uneaten congealed mass that sat in the bowl at his bedside.

 

Shaking his head, Vincent rose to his feet. “Whatever you want, Chief.”

 

- - - - -

 

a/n: If you are curious as to why it takes me so long to update, check out my original site. I have many works on there that I also update with enough variety to please everyone. Het, Slash, Gen, poems, Science fiction, Fantasy, etc. If you like my writing, I definitely recommend that you just take a peek. You might find something you like. And if you do, be sure to drop me a comment. I'll make sure to update that one! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to your comments! Not much longer now!