Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Shattered Ice Redux ❯ Chapter 36: Musings of a Pilot ( Chapter 36 )

Chapter Thirty-Six: Musings of a Pilot

 

Cid Highwind woke up drowsily, noting with a grimace that his bed was empty and cold. He could still smell Vincent's lingering scent, however, and it was a comforting thought. The pilot opened his eyes slowly and looked around the room, trying to find his lover. The bathroom door was open and light off, no red clothes visible anywhere, and what's this? There was a note on the bedside stand next to his cigarettes.

 

Frowning in confusion, Cid pulled himself to a sitting position and wrapped the sheets around his naked lower half, noticing that there was a chill to the air. He must have kicked them off in the middle of the night. He reached for a cigarette, lighting it before picking up the note. His name was written on the front in a handwriting he didn't recognize, not that he had much experience with getting notes before.

 

He opened the small piece of paper and glanced at it quickly, recognizing almost at once that it was from Vincent. Well, at least this time the gunman told him before he had disappeared again. He read it through one more time, as if scrutinizing each word for some hidden meaning, and Cid sighed and refolded the note but did not put it away. Not just yet.

 

Ever since the two had gotten together, it always seemed to end up in this way. Vincent would always be the first to sneak away whether in early morning or soon after the pilot fell asleep. Either way, the Captain wasn't sure, but he didn't question the gunman. Their relationship was so complicated even without the “commitments.” Far be it for him to say that he hadn't been with anyone since he started this… thing, whatever they wanted to term it.

 

That was part of the reason why Cid was so surprised when he had woken up one morning before the Rocket fiasco to find Vincent still in his bed. The man was a complete enigma, and damn if the pilot still hadn't found the cheat book.

 

He calmly smoked his cigarette as he remembered the order Cloud had issued. Of course, he had known about it before everyone else. It was his damn airship, after all. The damn blond couldn't resist questioning Cid about his relationship with Vincent either.

 

- - -

 

“Yo, Cid! Can I talk to you a minute?”

 

Cloud jogged up to the smoking pilot as Cid headed to his room for the night. If he remembered correctly, a certain dark-haired gunman was supposed to be waiting for him.

 

The Captain shrugged and continued to puff on his cancer stick. Still, he slowed down enough so that the younger man could catch up.

 

“What is it?”

 

Cloud's eyes flickered around them, noticing a few of the others, namely Barret and members of the crew, staring at the both of them. “Somewhere else?”

 

“Shit! Does it really matter?” the pilot grumbled.

 

The other blond gave him a look, and Cid cursed again. He was feeling horny as hell; he didn't want to wait for Cloud. He pushed past his leader and led him towards the common room. This time of day it was usually deserted.

 

The two entered and sat at the table, Cid reclining in his chair. He absorbed the taste of the cigarette while he still could, remembering its flavor, as if it were a long lost friend.

 

Cloud watched him for a moment before shaking his head. “I have come to a decision,” he began slowly.

 

Cid snorted but didn't say anything. Trust Cloud to take forever to get to the damn point! If he could even remember it to begin with.

 

“But I will need your consent because it involves the use of your airship for a few days,” the swordsman continued, eyeing the Captain carefully.

 

Sky blue eyes narrowed as the pilot took another drag. “What do ya want with my airship, Spike? Just spit it out, leader boy, because I don't like beating around the bush!”

 

“Fine, fine.” Cloud waved a dismissive hand. “I can't tell you everything because I want everyone to know at the same time. But in a few days, I'll need to borrow your airship, so that everyone can go where they want.”

 

The pilot shrugged. “So long as the Highwind stays in one piece, do whatever the hell you want with her.” He leaned forward and eyed Cloud carefully, giving him a dangerous look. “But if she comes to any harm, I will shove my spear up your ass!”

 

Cloud smirked then, crossing his arms over his chest. “I thought you were too busy shoving your spear elsewhere,” he replied smugly, as if he had stumbled upon a deeply hidden secret.

 

The Captain's mouth dropped, but he quickly regained his composure, cigarette falling to the ground. Did his leader just say what he thought he had said?

 

He hurriedly stomped to put out the smoldering tobacco and glowered at Cloud, hoping that he could frighten the younger man into submission with the famous Highwind Glare.

 

It didn't work.

 

“Where I shove my spear's my business!” Cid declared, shoving a finger in the other man's face.

 

There was absolutely no way he was going to correct their illustrious leader on exactly whose spear was going where either. He couldn't help that the man had automatically assumed it was Vince on the bottom, not that the pilot hadn't had plans to change the circumstances soon. Nor did it really matter anyways.

 

Cloud looked at him, the same knowing smirk on his face. “I'm not stupid, Cid, and neither are you. Did you think that no one would notice a certain dark-haired man dressed in bright, red clothes - not exactly discreet, I might add - sneaking off to your room and away from it at all hours?” He tilted his head in conceited satisfaction.

 

The pilot growled, nostrils flaring. “You got somethin' to say about it?”

 

The leader shook his head. “I hadn't, but now that you have confirmed my suspicions I just might have to.”

 

Cid's face paled only slightly. “Gonna tell me what I can and can't do?”

 

“I wouldn't dream of it.”

 

The Captain snorted, sitting back against his seat, though he remained wary. “Then why the hell bring it up?”

 

Cloud instantly sobered. “Look. I don't personally care what the hell you do in your free time or who the hell, for that matter. But I do care what might happen if something goes sour. What are the rest of us going to do if you have a fight or something and leave us stranded in say, Icicle, with no transportation? How the hell we going to defeat Sephiroth if something like that happens?”

 

The Captain snorted. “I'm way fuckin' more professional than that. You don't hafta worry about me.”

 

The younger man sighed. “Okay, then… I will just tell the truth. It's a dangerous game you're playing, Cid Highwind, and I'd hate to see you or anyone else around here hurt.”

 

The older man frowned, not understanding what Cloud was trying to say. “What the *!@# are ya getting at?”

 

His leader exhaled noisily and glanced off to the side, as if reconsidering his words. Cid began to get impatient. His fingers drummed a nonsense rhythm against the table, and he could already feel the need for another cigarette tugging at him.

 

Finally, the boy said something.

 

“There are many things we don't know about Vincent Valentine, including why he was locked up in that ShinRa basement.”

 

Cid didn't bother to interject that while Cloud knew nothing, the pilot certainly did.

 

“You should be careful,” Cloud put in, “for all of our sakes.”

 

“I still don't see why I have to be careful fer everyone else,” the pilot insisted angrily. If he had to hear one more person tell him Vincent was a menace, a spy, or anything else negative he might just have to go reacquaint some people with the butt end of his spear. They didn't even try to understand.

 

Mako blue eyes narrowed as Cloud opened his mouth to speak, only to promptly clamp it shut when a voice from the doorway interrupted them. The two swiveled towards the door, which was now open, and a head popped inside.

 

“Cloud?” Barret regarded them with interest, a suspicious look on his face.

 

Cloud managed to look both amused and annoyed, while Cid was downright angry, eyebrow twitching in aggravation.

 

“What is it?” Cloud uncrossed his arms and tried to look a little less threatening.

 

Barret's eyes flickered to Cid before returning to the self-proclaimed ex-SOLDIER. “Reeve, Yuffie, and Nanaki came back from that downed plane dey found. They say they'll need back-up if they go back in there, but they did bring back some pretty powerful stuff.” He shrugged. “They want ya ta look at it.”

 

Cloud sighed and cast Cid a knowing look, as if warning him. “I'm coming.” With that, he rose from his seat and left the commons room, Cid now alone with his thoughts.

 

- - -

 

It had been an interesting conversation. Cid had been under the impression that Cloud neither trusted nor liked Vincent, much less was concerned for him. Especially with what happened in Icicle.

 

Then again, it might not have been concern. Perhaps Cloud was more worried about Vincent's mental instability and demons, rather than actually caring for the man's health and well-being.

 

Ironically, after that particular conversation was when they had discovered Lucrecia's Cave. Reeve and the others had taken a break, and it had been up to them to search the other tunnel they had discovered. After that, Vincent had seemed to have a mental breakdown when they encountered his former love and all hell had broken loose. Cid's kiss in front of everyone had shocked them all, not that he had given them time to comment.

 

Matters were made worse when they had been forced to fight Hojo directly afterwards, and the damned scientist had used some type of machine on Vincent to turn him on them, leaving Cid to wonder about what it was Cloud had told them to do.

 

“Find a reason, find yourself, and then come back.”

 

The pilot snorted derisively. Where would he go?

 

He had accomplished his dream. He had his airship back, and he and Vincent were somewhat on the right track… if he squinted. He really had no personal grudge against Sephiroth. Well, other than the fact the bastard had killed Aeris and wanted to destroy his world.

 

Cid paused.

 

Alright, maybe he could learn to hate Sephiroth, if he actually tried.

 

But still, what was his reason?

 

Kill the bad guy. Save the world. Those were all well and good goals, but what was left for Cid Highwind when the battle was through and victory was won? A blown up rocket and shattered dreams? A curious relationship with a guy who still pined for a dead woman? His own existence back in Rocket Town, tinkering away as he attempted to fix the broken Tiny Bronco and let his hopes shatter to the winds?

 

Cid glanced at the note in his hand again, analyzing the words to see if there was anything in-between the lines. But as with all things concerning Vincent Valentine, he could no more decipher any hidden meaning than he could understand when Vincent was being forthright with his words.

 

He sighed loudly and got up to shower and change. A tentative plan began to form, more out of resignation than any true decision. When all else failed, return home. He would check to see if he still had a house standing, and maybe he would get to go kick a certain Turk's ass. If he was lucky, Shera would make him a cup of tea, and perhaps he could get some of her womanly advice about Vincent. For such a nerd, she was actually pretty perceptive about relationships.

 

Vincent was an enigma, and the pilot was having far more trouble than he expected understanding him. What was there beneath all that stoic and solemnity?

 

Cid knew it all now: the past, the present, but the future was something that was up in the air. No matter how much he thought about it, twisted and turned it, the note still didn't say what exactly he and Vincent were to each other. Every time the pilot tried to bring it up, the other man would change the subject or distract him or something. Anything to keep from discussing that. Then again, Vince did have some of the more creative ways of distracting him.

 

Visions of a certain dark-haired man on his knees before him suddenly entered his mind and would not leave.

 

Crimson eyes looked up at him seductively as a tongue traced the underside of his arousal. Vincent's throat enclosed about his reflexively, swallowing down his thick length, and he had climaxed all too quickly for his liking.

 

Cid shuddered with remembrance at the sudden and vivid memory, a stabbing pool of desire suddenly settling in his belly and causing his quiescent member to rise to the occasion.

 

The pilot sighed again when he realized that he had two problems to deal with and not just one. He put out his cigarette, folded the note, and placed it in the bedside drawer. He then got up from the bed, heading for the bathroom. First, a shower, where he could get clean and take care of his problem, and then on to Rocket Town.

 

- - -

 

Cid dug into his pockets angrily, cursing under his breath as he searched for his key. He hardly ever had to use the damn thing, but no one was coming to the door, and it hadn't been unlocked. Where the hell was Shera?

 

The chill of the autumn wind hadn't ceased its unrelenting attack on him, and he shivered slightly.

 

Where was that damn… ah!

 

He pulled the small, silver key out of his pocket triumphantly and jammed it into the lock, successfully letting himself inside of his own house. In their small town, they had hardly ever felt a need to lock anything, so a part of him was mildly concerned.

 

The pilot pushed open the door and stepped into the dim entryway. All of the lights in his happy home were off. He shut the door behind him and grabbed for his newest acquisition, the Scimitar. He held it in his hands cautiously when he had the thought and sudden fear that something might have happened to Shera. Cid began to creep through the house, listening for noises or anything.

 

It just didn't add up.

 

Why wasn't she there? Why was the house dark and cold?

 

He crept through the living room and the den, took a peek upstairs, and finally ended up in his cool kitchen. Not only were all of the lights off, but every electrical system had been shut off, including the heat. The house was like a fucking icebox!

 

He pulled his jacket closer around him as he adjusted the thermostat in the kitchen. The daylight was peeking in through what few windows he had that weren't heavily shuttered, illuminating the room he rarely used but was Shera's haven.

 

And there, he saw it, sitting on the table. Another note.

 

Sighing heavily, Cid took himself off of high alert and sat at the table, picking up the folded piece of paper in his hands. His name was written on it, of course, addressed to Captain Cid Highwind. It had to be from Shera.

 

He reached blindly for another cigarette as he unfolded the note. A lighter flick later, he was reading it.

 

Captain Highwind,

 

With the end of the world approaching, I no longer want to be alone. I'm not going to wait for you any longer, and from the looks of it, I no longer need to. I have found someone who truly appreciates my feelings. I have gone to spend the last of our days, if that is truly what it is going to be, with him.

 

I might even marry him. I really can't be sure. However, I know that I love him… much the same that I loved you once, but that is a story for the past. I hope that you realize what you have before the moment is gone.

 

The tea is in the right-hand cupboard above the sink. I wouldn't be surprised if you don't know that. I left you a few meals in the fridge and freezer; all you have to do is microwave them.

 

If you want to look for me, I will be in Kalm with him. That is my decision, and nothing you can say or do will make me change my mind. I will take the heartache as it comes; after all, I am well acquainted with the feeling.

 

Forever your engineer,

 

Shera

 

Cid sighed yet again and delicately refolded the note, placing it in his jacket pocket beside the other. He sat quietly for another moment, in the relative dark of his kitchen in his empty house and stared off into space.

 

So Shera was gone to be with that damn Turk. It shouldn't have surprised the pilot. He had finally forgiven her for the events of years ago; yet, he still hadn't been able to return her affections. He knew it was going to come sooner or later. Even she knew it was an unavoidable outcome.

 

Strangely enough, he found he wasn't upset, not at all. He was glad for her and wanted her to be happy. Shera was a good friend to him, one of the few he had. He hoped that that Turk treated her right; otherwise, he would find himself at the other end of another Highwind ass whippin'.

 

Cid silently wished them congratulations.

 

The blond finished his cigarette and put it out, pushing himself up from the table, suddenly feeling restless. He roamed through the house and turned on some lights before ending back up in the kitchen. Shera had been kind enough to clean before she left, and the entire house was completely spotless, which was a good thing considering he was usually crap for cleaning.

 

He then wandered around upstairs. Of course, that was only to discover Shera had not simply left, she had completely moved out. All of her belongings had completely disappeared. She was serious about spending her life with that man.

 

He shook his head, closed the door, and headed back downstairs towards the kitchen. He was craving a hot beverage.

 

Rummaging around in his own cupboards because he knew where almost nothing was, he finally produced a tea kettle and got to work making his favorite beverage. He located the tea in the right cupboard, as Shera had said, and breathed in the aroma gratefully. He hated having to make do with coffee when he was stuck on the Highwind and vowed to outfit the airship with some tea making devices in the future.

 

“Find a reason and then come back.”

 

That was what Cloud had said. It was all well and good, but what the hell was there for Cid Highwind?

 

Now, even Shera had left him. Just like Archer. At least, he gave Shera a good reason, but Archer… the man had wanted Cid to abandon his dreams just because they seemed too far and unrealized. He had tried to convince his lover of many years to come with him to Rocket Town, but Kyle had wanted something that Cid couldn't give him. To this day, the pilot wasn't sure what exactly that was.

 

The water boiled and screeched, and the blond set about making his tea. He sat at the table with the steaming mug and returned to his internal monologue. The house was far too quiet. Even the ticking of the clock in the kitchen was beginning to rankle on his nerves. He was used to Shera's quiet ramblings.

 

He wondered where Vincent had gone to, probably to see Lucrecia, if Cid knew him at all. Why the man had insisted on placing all of the guilt of the world on his shoulders, the pilot could never understand. Life was life, and that was all there was to it. The past was gone; it couldn't be changed, and that was how Cid lived. Yet, Vincent… he lived with a whole different concept, and the ex-Turk still wouldn't allow him to tell the truth of his feelings. That was so irritating.

 

The silence in the house rankled on him a bit more, making him feel quite alone. Grumbling unhappily, Cid jumped up from the table, intent on taking a walk. He never realized just how empty his life really was. Without his dreams or his drive, he really was left with nothing, wasn't he?

 

Standing outside, staring up at where the ShinRa No. 26 once stood and recalling his trip to the stars, he realized how empty it was now. With no dreams to strive for, with Shera having moved on, Archer long gone, what did he have left? Mayor of a small, dying town?

 

What great honor.

 

He could almost believe that he had Vincent; he had almost convinced himself that there was a chance of that. Yet, the ex-Turk refused to commit himself to anything. As often as he wanted to tell the man of his true feelings, he had been denied the chance. He loved the stubborn man. But perhaps it was just his fate to be left yet again.

 

He gazed again at the empty launch site. With his dreams realized, did that mean he could die a happy man?

 

Cid sighed. When had he become the mopey type?

 

Perhaps Vincent was rubbing off on him.

 

“She was a beautiful rocket,” a tired voice echoed from beside him.

 

Cid, startled, lowered his gaze to find a rather old and decrepit man standing next to him, smiling widely. He blinked in astonishment.

 

“Hai. And she flew the same, for a short time,” he replied honestly, remembering well the flight into space.

 

The elderly man nodded knowingly, something glinting behind his aged eyes. “The town is grateful and pleased… for everything, Cid Highwind.”

 

The Captain sighed. “But what now?”

 

The old man snorted. “What else? Build another rocket!” he exclaimed with a sudden wave of his hands and staff, and Cid was forced to duck, lest he be branded upside the head. “You saw the stars, now visit a moon, find other worlds, and learn what it means to really soar! You're not going to let that one rather short and uneventful trip be the end of it are you? You're Cid Highwind!”

 

Sky blue eyes were wide with surprise. “Somehow, I think your belief in me is rather skewed,” he answered dryly, but inside, he was considering the man's words. Visit a moon? Find other planets? Travel in space, as well as in the sky?

 

They were things he had never even considered.

 

The old man merely shrugged. “Believe as you will; however, I think that this will become useful in your upcoming struggle.”

 

Cid heard the rustle of fabric and looked over at to see his companion holding a spear of a make he had never seen before. It seemed extremely powerful, even more so than his Scimitar, and had eight jointed slots for materia. He could only gape as words escaped him.

 

“She is the Venus Gospel, and she belongs in no one's hands but yours,” the man commented as he handed the spear over.

 

Cid took it with almost shaking hands. He admired its excellent craftsmanship, marveled over the feel of its even weight in his hands, and felt the power resting in its blade. It was truly a beautiful weapon, and he could hardly believe that it was to be his until the man's voice disturbed his thoughts, hovering on the edge of his conscious.

 

“Realize what is important to you, Highwind, and you might find that it's right in front of you.”

 

The Captain turned to thank him, surprise still evident on his face, only to blink in sudden shock. The man had completely disappeared.

 

He twisted his body, looking around and gazing over the town behind him. However, there was no one in sight. The old man had simply vanished. Yet, the spear was real in his hand, and Cid briefly wondered if he was losing his mind as he considered the phantasmal man's words.

 

“Find what is important. Learn what it really means to soar.” His words were not that much unlike Cloud's.

 

Cid's mind instantly went to Vincent, as if the dark-haired man had suddenly summoned himself within the pilot's thoughts.

 

His trust… Cid had gained Vincent's trust. After all the time that they had spent together, after going from friends to lovers to semi-enemies and back to lovers again, Vincent had finally allowed himself to trust the pilot, bringing on a night of what can only be described as the best sex the blond had ever experienced.

 

He loved Vincent, truly, implicitly. And it wasn't just the great sex. No, there was far more to them than that. The former Turk balanced him out, calmed his anger, and he had a brilliant mind to match, an inner strength that belied the physical. Not to mention, he was undeniably the sexiest beast on the planet. He had found a kindred spirit in the other man unlike he had ever before.

 

Despite what Vincent thought, Cid did not pity him. He hated Hojo for what the bastard had done but almost had him to thank for being able to meet Vincent in the first place. He wanted nothing more than to take away the pain out of the ex-Turk's eyes, the guilt that the man insisted on carrying. As if all the problems in the world were to rest on his shoulders.

 

In fact, even now, as Cid felt incredibly lonely, he realized he only wanted the gunman by his side. He missed the calm presence and quiet demeanor of Vincent. He even missed the occasional glares and silent treatment. The man had a sarcastic wit about him when he was in a mood, and well, he wasn't about to lie and say he didn't miss the sex. By Kami-sama, he did!

 

Was that what we wanted then? Vincent by his side forever in some type of monogamous relationship?

 

Cid mused on this for several minutes, chewing on a cigarette as he thought, not even bothering to light it.

 

Of course, that was what he wanted! Damn it! The ex-Turk belonged to him! He didn't want to see the gunman in anyone's arms but his own!

 

Vincent trusted Cid with his secrets, trusted him with his past, and trusted him with his feelings. Damn it all, if Cid couldn't trust the ex-Turk with his heart!

 

His mind made up, the Captain turned and headed back towards his house. It was time to make some changes in his life, including making that house more livable.

 

Yeah, he was going to fight Sephiroth. Kill him, if possible. But more importantly, he was going to protect the man he loved and tell him just that before anything happened. He was going to visit the stars again with Vincent at his side.

 

He wasn't going to let the man wallow in his guilt and sadness anymore. Cid was going to show him how much he was loved, how human he was, and then never let him go.

 

“Find out your reason.”

 

That was what Cloud had said. Well, the pilot needed no more encouragement; he had to look no further.

 

His reason was always standing right smack dab in front of him with crimson eyes and raven hair. He would fight for the chance to make Vincent his; he would fight for the future that they could have, and dammit, he was going to win!

 

* * *